Panel one: Jughead is opening the door to the U.G.A. J. clubhouse. Above the door frame is banner reading: UNITED GIRLS AGAINST JUGHEAD. Along the walls are various pictures of Jughead with drawings of Jughead defaced and marked on along with a voodoo doll of Jughead lying on the ground with several pins in it. There is also a map of Riverdale with all the restaurants marked with multiple tacks to show Jughead’s frequent stops. The UGAJ members turn away from their lab top computers and research (except one who is playing a computer game) as they look at Jughead as he swings the door open and sticks half his body in.
Jughead: Ho, evil ones. I’ll be racing Reggie around Pickens Park in about an hour, and if I win I’ll change my ways and be nice to girls for the rest of the day!
Panel two: Jughead is talking with the Twitters as they are texting the word that Jughead will like girls for a day if he wins. Jughead is puffing up his chest as he talks. Several teenage girls walking along pick up the text and look on in amazement.
Jughead: …Yep. If I win, I’ll be nice to any girl. Hugs and all will be okay for the rest of the day.
Panel three: Jughead is talking with Ethel as Ethel is jumping up in the air in joy and anticipation.
Jughead: …Right, Ethel. If I can defeat Reggie one-on-tw—er, one, you can give me, I’ll give you a hug like I did this morning…BUT ONLY FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
Panel one: Jughead (who has his eyes open to show who it really is to the reader) and Reggie are on a walking track that stretches into Pickens Park as the crowd mainly consists of random teenage girls plus the girls brought up in the previous page. Ethel has a giant banner supporting Jughead with a heart in the background of the banner. Reggie is in runner’s stance as Jughead is just standing straight up as he stretches his arms and he yawns.
Reggie: Heh. Look at this crowd. Not only are you going to eat my dust, but the females you so despise will be watching you fail and loving every second of it.
Panel two: Reggie cheats as he starts ahead of Jughead/Simon as Jughead/Simon looks on disinterestedly.
Reggie: On my mark…
Panel three: Jughead/Simon begins to jog along as Reggie is racing well ahead. Ethel from the crowd is cheering Jughead/Simon on as he jogs up a hill.
Ethel: You can do it, Jughead! Pace yourself!
Panel four: Reggie is sneering to himself as can no longer see Jughead behind him.
Reggie: Heh! I could hop around the world on one leg faster than he can run around Pickens Park!
Panel one: Reggie is running right up to Jughead as Jughead begins to talk with him. Reggie is snide with him.
Jughead: You talking to me, Reg?
Reggie: No! I was talking to myself about how I left you behind, loser!
Panel two: Reggie’s eyes light up as he realizes that Jughead is next to him as Jughead smirks at him.
Panel three: Reggie is yelling at Jughead as Jughead points down at his legs as he is taking long strides mockingly.
Reggie: How’d you catch up!?
Jughead: Long strides.
Panel four: Reggie is going full speed as he bursts ahead of Jughead who stands still with his arms at his hips as he happily looks on as everything is going to his plan.
Reggie: Yeah!? You could be Stretch Armstrong and your strides couldn’t compete against my speed!
Panel five: Jughead begins to run off course into some bushes as Simon,is waiting for him. Jughead is handing Simon the hat.
Simon: Wow! This is really working!
Jughead: Like ketchup on meatloaf. Here, take the short cut and meet up with Reg. I’ll be at the next rendezvous.
Panel one: Reggie is sweating and panting heavily as he continues to run along.
Reggie: Huff Huff. Wow. Really put everything I had into that last burst, but I know that it put me ahead of—
Panel two: Reggie’s eyes are sticking out his head cartoon style as he sees Jughead (really Simon) leaning against the statue of General Pickens and cordially waving a hand for hello.
Panel three: Reggie is running full burst again as every leg muscle is straining as Jughead (Simon) looks on and waves goodbye as he has his left arm over his mouth as he tries to hide his snickering.
Reggie: I don’t care if my legs fall off; I’m not letting you win!!
Panel four: A shot of Reggie running along as Jughead is sitting on bench along the trail much to Reggie’s chagrin. Jughead is tapping an imaginary watch on his wrist as he mocks Reggie for not being ahead of him.
Caption: Half way.
Panel five: Reggie is going slower as he is straining just to jog as Jughead (Simon) is walking and casually whistling as he looks up at the sky and the squirrels in the branches. The Pickens squirrel are dressed up as the tall squirrel is wearing a blue shirt, the fat one the green shirt, and the middle squirrel is wearing a red cap as they are singing in chorus.
Caption: 3/4ths the way.
Panel one. Reggie is dragging himself along as he tries to run, but his feet have become tired and heavy and his arms dangle at his side as he has his tongue out. Simon is leaving the path to switch.
Simon: Okay, he’s really tired, I think…
Panel two: Simon sees that Jughead is not behind the bush to take his hat and switch out and take a short cut to cut Reggie off. On the ground is a note left for Simon, folded up
Simon: Jughead?! Where is he?!
Panel three: Simon reads the letter as it reads: BRISKLY WALKING WORKS UP AN APPETITE. WENT FOR SNACK. YOU CAN HANDLE IT THE REST OF THE WAY--J
Panel four: Simon looks on as Reggie is dragging himself along.
Panel five: Simon looks on determined as he begins to adjust the hat on his head to show how serious and determined he is.
Panel six: Simon is running after Reggie as Reggie turns to see Simon closing in on him and begins to run a bit faster.
Panel one: Ethel, The UGA, and The Twitters are in front of a line drawn in the sand along with the teenage female crowd. Ethel is pointing towards a hill as Simon and Reggie, running on empty, are neck and neck as they are running.
Ethel: Look! Here they come!
Panel two: Simon notices Ethel as Ethel is standing just behind the line with her arms stretched out. Reggie is sweating profusely and has his tongue sticking out as he looks to be a few seconds from collapsing.
Simon: It’s—it’s that cute girl from earlier!!
Panel three: Simon, motivated by love, zooms down the hill as Reggie falls to his stomach as he is spent.
Panel four: Simon cross the line and runs into Ethel arms as he gives her a hug and the other girls begin to swarm Simon.
Panel one: From behind a tree from the opposite hill Jughead is looking on as he is eating a hot dog and drinking a soda. Jughead nods in approval as Simon, with heart for eyes, is being kissed by Ethel and being swarmed by girls—finally getting the girl and being a winner.
Jughead: Quite the body blow my reputation just took today.
Jughead: Normally, I try not to involve my scheming and shenaniganing having girls happy--
Panel two: Jughead is walking down the hill to let Simon have his day as Simon continues to celebrate with the girls as Reggie crawls to the girls for sympathy, but isn’t getting any at all as the girls want to take advantage of Jughead’s “promise” that he had spread.
Jughead:--But Simon has that type of face I just couldn’t stand to see sad. So necessary evil.
Panel three: Jughead feels the top of his head as he seems disgusted that his hat is being touched by girls.
Jughead: Even so…I wish I hadn’t let my favorite hat get cooties all over it. Bleh!
And thanks for everyone who is reading.