Okay, I thought I'd start a topic where people can talk about their home lives (if they're so daring), both the good and the bad. Maybe give each other suggestions and so forth.

Admittedly, I'm starting this, because I'm in a depressive state, and, especially after the morning that I've had, I need to get a lot of stuff out.

This is what I'd often talk with my girlfriend (now ex) about, but I can no longer count on her to be on AIM, so I can talk about my problems with her.

Okay, first, some background info: I was born in Chicago, Illinois, on October 18, 1978. My parents and I moved down to this small, unincorporated town named Homosassa in Citrus County, Florida, in June of 1986, when I was 7.

My parents are Polish immigrants. My dad came here first, and my mom came in 1974 or 1976. My dad is 74, and my mom is 69. Yeah, I was had late.

My parents have never gotten along. They only barely managed to get married on their wedding day. My dad verbally abuses my mom and does things to cause her emotional grief (such as cutting down a favorite bush or writing a nasty letter to her or whatever). More recently, he called the police to our house, claiming she was in a, ahem, certain profession.

My dad had heart valve surgery last November, and he had hernia surgery earlier this month. My mom had gall bladder surgery last month. I've made a lot of trips to the hospital in the last few months.

I often get caught in the middle of their disputes, because my mom wants me to explain things to my dad and set him straight. My older brother (who died in a trucking accident on September 15, 1993) could often be counted on to call my dad and talk some sense into him, so he would leave my mom alone for a while. I'm not like that, and I really don't see why I have to be involved in spousal quarrels. On top of that, my complains about how she misses my older brother, precisely for my lack of talking sense into my dad.

My relationship with my dad is basically nonexistent. I don't care for him in the slightest. On some days, the most that we say to each other is "Hi" upon our first meeting of the day.

I often have to help him with his car. He has always bought junk cars instead of new cars, and I have to help him with his car. Mostly, this consists of turning the ignition, pumping the gas pedal, or otherwise just waiting around for him to give me his next direction. Last November, he had given away his junk car to a local junkyard, so I sold him my car (a silver 1993 Ford Escort LX wagon that I'd driven since 1996). Then I got a new car (silver 2009 Nissan Versa). Well, guess what. He's had numerous problems with my old car in the few months that he's owned it. I hardly ever had problems with it and actually put very little money into it. Everything that he touches turns to crap.

I've had a feeling that my dad's had dementia for well over a decade. He would often sit on the front porch, drinking, and talking to imaginary friends. He'd have conversations with them and respond to their comments.

Oh, yeah, my dad's an alcoholic. Booze flows through his veins (this is despite him being a diabetic, for which he takes no medication).

Anyway, the dementia has seemingly accelerated since November (perhaps due to his surgery). He is forgetting things more and more, and it's become increasingly difficult for him to form coherent sentences. He needs my help in writing a check.

Of course, my mom thinks this is largely an act. She says he's always been a "good actor". She's guessing he's playing dumb, so they'll get off of his case about not paying his hospital bills.

My relationship with my mom isn't much better. She works at Wal-Mart, and, without that, we likely wouldn't have enough money with just my Kmart wages.

My mom is...clingy, I think is the best word. She was the one that made me "come home" after I briefly lived with my sister in Illinois from October of 2005 to March of 2006.

She is also dismissive of what's important to me. I fully blame her for not allowing me to go and visit my then-girlfriend. Not visiting her while we were together is the biggest regret of my life.

My mom has hardly even acknowledged her in conversation. Granted, she didn't know we were together, but she knew of the length of our friendship and our closeness, and she just didn't care.

My mom annoys me to no end. This is largely due to the fact that she talks way too much. She tells me stuff that I'm not interested in (such as what she's planning to eat, the very fact that she's hungry, and anything similarly trivial). It seems like she's often vocalizing her personal thoughts outloud. I don't care for around 99% of what she has to say (and then she criticizes me for forgetting any instructions that she gives me; it's because I make an attempt to tune her out).

She also uses my pet cockatiel, Tooky, to indirectly criticize me. "What's that, Tooky? Mark didn't play with you today? No? I'm sorry. Mark didn't say hi to you. I know. He was here, but he didn't say hi to you." There is NO GOOD REASON for her to do this! I think she LIKES causing me grief. Either that, or she has a very twisted view of what I find humorous.

She also complains - a LOT. She's at the point where she deals with constant pain. Everything hurts her. But she doesn't have to SAY SO whenever she makes a movement.

She also just in general repeats stuff, bringing stuff up from the past, etc. She won't let subjects die. This is why I never told her that I had a girlfriend. I would never hear the end of it, particularly now that we're no longer together.

It's to the point where I'm VERY selective of what I say to her, because I never know what she'll pick up on and run with.

She often phrases stuff that she wants me to do as suggestions (which I hate coming from anyone in general), such as "We can have a drink." That means "Go to the fridge and get me a drink." Then there's the worse "No chocolate tonight? What's wrong with you?"

She will often make a motion with her fingers when I pass through the living room at night. That's her code for "close the blinds" (even if she's lying on the couch right by them). Because she can't do it herself.

I also have to pick up the remote control and hand it to her, if she's already sat down and forgotten to take it.

Look, I know every movement causes her pain now, but she's been doing this for years beforehand. And she accuses ME of being a "lazy bum"?

She also expects me to check the TV guide for her. "Have you found what I will watch tonight?"

My mom used to organize daily Polish lessons for me. My dad forbade her to teach me, which is the one good thing that I can say about him. I don't care for the language.

Add on top of that my mom's (well, both of my parents, but my mom has no excuse) broken English after 30+ years of living here, and it doesn't help matters. My mom's broken English isn't even internally consistent. She uses "gofriend" for "girlfriend", even though she knows the words "girl" and "boyfriend". She says "gerrup" for "get up" and "shurrup" for "shut up". And she accuses ME of not using my brain?

And I have to cut this short, because my mom just came in my room and complained about me spending too much time on my computer. More later.

he changed our family name to Moore (due to my sister's suggestion, since they'd watched "The Saint" back in Poland).

You're named after Roger Moore?  That's pretty cool! 

This is gonna sound a bit blunt, and I do apologize in advance if this comes across as being that way...

...but if you're really so miserable at home, why not start saving money so you can MOVE OUT AND GET YOUR OWN PLACE?  Take the money that you would normally use for entertainment purposes and start up an account for your own place?  Sure, you would have to make sacrifices and possibly have to work more shifts at K-Mart, but if the end result is independence and the freedom to do whatever you want to do out of life, isn't it worth at least that?

You're in your thirties now, man!  Take control of your own destiny!

I am sorry to hear that you had the life growing up that you did, and it sounds like you had some pretty worthless parents who did nothing to help you become a strong, independent man. In fact, they hindered it. I agree that you need to set the goal of moving out into your own place. Also, set yourself a deadline to keep yourself working towards that goal. Given that you are working at K-Mart, I am guessing you are not highly educated. There are many online courses now in all kinds of fields. Perhaps you could work towards a career in a skill based apprenticeship. Plumbers and electricians make a surprising amount of money, and their skills really aren't that hard to learn.

I'm not exactly the smartest person in the world.

Having read your posts, I don't believe that for a minute. That's why you should seek counseling--you need to evaluate where you are and where you want to be and how to get there.

I'm detail-oriented when it comes to things that I do for myself (and even then I forget some things). I tend to be bad at following directions from others, such as forgetting to do something.

Also, just typing and good spelling/grammar isn't really good enough for a secretarial job. They typically demand a certain number of words per minute, and, well, I type with my left thumb and two index fingers, and I average around 36 words per minute.

My dad had swapped the parakeets and finches into each other's cages after mom had left for work at 3:00 PM but before I had come home at around 7:15 PM (I think; I got off of work at 6:23 PM, stopped by Taco Bell to buy dinner for mom, then stopped by Wal-Mart to eat with her and brings groceries home, then killed some time at Publix before coming home).

When I got home, I heard Tooky and Frosty whistling and chirping for me, respectively, so I whistled back. I then saw what had happened. I counted the birds to make sure that everyone was there. I BELIEVE I saw Frosty in there, but I can't be sure now.

I then saw dad, naked, in his room. Then he went to his bathroom to take a shower. I guess he wasn't expecting anyone to be home. I went back to Wal-Mart specifically to tell mom what dad did.

When I came home again (at around 7:45 PM, I think), I saw that the door of the finches' new cage (formerly the parakeets' cage) was open, and Frosty wasn't in there. I guess I had overlooked the open door earlier.

I went to dad and demanded to know what he did. When I told him that Frosty was missing, I had to bring him to the cages to explain it to him. I yelled. He told me to not yell and to not be upset. I told him that I WAS upset. He said he'll buy me another bird (as if that would make up for it). He helped me look for Frosty.

I eventually found him (after dad had given up and gone to bed). He was in the basket of a fake plant near the ceiling in the dining room. I kissed him repeatedly, put him back in the cage, and said a little prayer in thanks. He's okay.

If this had ended differently, I probably would have went back to Wal-Mart and told mom that I can no longer live in the same house as that man.

You know what else? He had proposed swapping the finches and parakeets around a week or two ago and had claimed mom told him to tell me to do it. I didn't. I told mom. She said she never told him any such thing.

Well, today, he again claimed mom was "ready to do it" herself, and I immediately called him on it. He didn't respond to that.

You know what his reason for doing it is? He had built a long wooden house with "six" (actually four) holes in it for the finches and had placed it in the parakeets' cage, so he then had to swap the birds. Of course.

Why does he not leave alone what does not concern him?!

Hi Tuxedo,

I'm going to be a little harsh here and I apologize in advance. You need to decide what's more important to you-- the family life you can't stand or your own sanity. You need to move out and get on with your life. It will be hard -- most likely you'll have to do without cable or Internet or the fun stuff you enjoy, but you will be FREE! Also if it's training you're looking for -- not sure if you have a college degree or not-- but you would very easily qualify for college aid, possibly enough for tuition and books in order to get you a better job. It may take awhile, but in the end it'll be worth it and YOU'LL have made this significant change in your life FOR YOU!

You need to STOP acting like a helpless victim and MAN UP!!! You're always complaining how Betty has no spine... time for you to get one yourself. Your parents will no doubt fight you on this all over the place, but that's not your concern. You need to start living your life, not your parents life. You need to be your own man, chart your own trail and make your own mistakes. But it will be your life on your terms. If it doesn't work, then you can blame yourself briefly, get up and try something new. Go FORWARD, NOT BACK!! You will not believe how empowering being on your is....

And as painful as it is, I'd write off your ex as well. She has proven to be less than honorable and is an albatross around your neck. She has made it plain by her words and actions that you do not figure into her life anymore. Let her go and go find someone worthy of your time, energy, and love.

Gregg

Mark, I've seen your posts evaluating the earnings reports of your company, looking at same store sales increases/decreases, etc.  You have a strong awareness of analyzing financial activity and performance, which is a big aspect of any kind of finance or accountng role.

If there is a community college near you, you could possibly visit with a counseler there to discuss your interests.  They could probably help you determine what options would be available to you as far as education and career opportunities. 

From your posts, I would guess that you're capabilities far exceed your current job.  I think what you may perceive as screw ups or oversights on your part result more from the fact that you are doing tasks that don't interest you.  If I were you, I wouldn't let forgetting to do something at the hot dog stand be the basis for evaluating my abilities.  It's probably more because you don't see any value in the task.

I hope that you'll look into educational opportunities available to you.  You seem too intelligent to continue doing what you're doing.  You just need to make the first step by wanting to make a change.