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« on: November 25, 2014, 01:35:21 PM »
PTF Reviews Jughead and Archie #7
Well, a few more days before Thanksgiving/My birthday. Normally it wouldn’t be so bad, but I spent all the money I’ve been saving in change to help pay for my aunt’s wood so she doesn’t freeze. 160 dollars, four loads…and she complains to me about four bad sticks she saw. I could have gotten RVBX. I was saving up for that. Why didn’t I let the old lady freeze?!
But at least I had enough for this digest.
Trula Twyst likes bright shineys: Yeah! Trula story and a fun little detour as Trula loses her venom as Jughead realizes that Trula is one of those people who go around admiring Christmas lights and they get along right until Reggie interferes in a great moment of jerkiness. Usual great story by Craig Boldman and Lindsey.
The Good Christmas stories. You have a fun story where the kids plan a surprise Christmas party for Mr. Weatherbee with Jughead having to get him to the party, Hot Dog plays Santa Claus, and Jughead is all about food, but for the season it’s all about where the food goes. These are all great stories that are heartwarming and funny. I’d give the Hot Dog one the edge
Good Al Hartley. He has three stories in this digest (so haters, you are warned) and two pretty good short stories. Archie and Jughead having to help get a statue of Mr. Lodge to Lodge building (yeah, you can imagine how that went) and we get the classic story where we learn the connection between Jughead’s love of eating and hatred of girls. Both are fun early short stories of Hartley.
Other good stories: Veronica proving Archie doesn’t listen to her and tying it in with Christmas was really clever and funny. Archie and Reggie using Hot Dog to get the attention of a dog walker, Jughead going over how being a helper is fun. But my favorite is probably Miss Beazley reading the school lunch over the intercom after having mixed up her notes was hilarious and even ending on a heartwarming note.
The art. It’s all pretty good. I mean, did anything go wow? No. We got one early Ruiz, Pat Kennedy continues his streak of impressing me (Though why Nancy looks like an African American Midge…wha?) Lindsey was great like always.
That Wilkin Boy. Two fun stories with Sam having a premonition about something bad and another where she wants Bingo and Teddy to actually fight her. There answer is nearly as funny as HER answer in the end.
The Bad Christmas Story. Oh boy. The first, I believe is a new story, is Jughead imaging what he’d give each of his friends. I mean…really? That’s the new story? Nothing new folks. Another is Archie trying to find a Christmas tree and suddenly decides against it when the animals talk him down. I mean, I could get the idea of planting your own tree, but there was no build or hint to the environmental message the story ended on. The last is Jughead as a roaming Substitute Santa in a store owned by a jerk and it ends with…well, him lucking into a promotion and not learning a darn thing. Yeah, the kids get free toys, but not for the right reasons. That’s a horrible message! “Okay, give them an inch and take their mile later.”
The Bad Al Hartley story. 20 pages of “!!!” and “???” Coach Kleats decides to make Jughead PR for the team because….just cause. And it actually starts out good because the art is done by Stan Goldberg so we avoid later Hartley horror and the story actually starts out good, even clever with Jughead’s early idea—but it doesn’t end! And it gets worse and worse! Ethel’s his assistant, but then she’s not. The players are injured in part…then the next part there fine. It’s just a mess.
Boring stories: We have a few stories that are just pretty much boring and teaching the same lesson we’ve all heard all the time. And I don’t mind that. These stories should teach lessons…but I like to believe we can do it in an entertaining way!
What I learned from this issue:
1. That using a hot air balloon to spot in high school football games is not illegal
2. Jughead has great friends considering they got him a real gift and his gifts for them are make believe.
3. With all the “???” and “!!!” people in Riverdale are near deaf and confused.
4. Animals will voice complaints if you try to take their home
5. Manchu Dynasty>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ming Dynasty
6. Christmas lights bring out the best in everyone, even the one person we utterly despise.
7. You cannot duplicate the Jones family recipe
8. Nancy looks a lot like Midge with that new short hairdo.
9. You eat because you hate girls. That’s why most couples let themselves go
10. Santa Paws is commminggg to toowwwn!
When you have as many Al Hartley stories as Boldman/Lindsey stories, you know it’s not going to be a great digest. Heck, when you just have one Schwartz story you know it’s not a good sign! I mean…wow. Just one?!
I liked half of the Christmas stories and didn’t care for the rest. You had two good Hartley stories, but you had a twenty page bad Hartley story. Some good stories, but a few just boring ones. I’m going to have to go with a C
Wow. You're hard on him, aren't you? And honestly, I'm not a fan of the Valerie/ Archie relationship because it really makes him look like a jerk when you have Betty and Veronica fighting over you.
The page is divided up into two vertical columns of three down, two across. One side is for Betty and the other side is for Veronica. For each column a flipped penny is falling down the middle of the page and intercepting over the panel slightly as a visual to how Archie keeps flipping the coin. In each panel Jughead is in, he goes from curious, to annoyed, to frusterated.
Panel one: Archie is entering a carnival with Betty as an envious Jughead looks on while taking a bite out of cotton candy as two clowns admire Jughead’s outfit.
Panel two: Archie and Veronica are taking a hike in the woods as Archie has compass in one hand and his penny in the other. Jughead is looking out from behind a tree as he watches the two.
Panel three: Archie and Betty are in Archie’s backyard in lawn chairs as they both lie back. Betty is happily pointing at a comet in the sky while Archie has his penny held up over his head and looking at it instead. Jughead is in Betty’s backyard as he looks over the fence at the two.
Panel four: Veronica is stepping out of a dressing room and showing off a dress that Archie gives the okay hand gesture in response as he is focused on his free hand and rolling the penny around his fingers. A woman is spreading out clothing in a rack to find a crotched Jughead spying on Archie and Veronica.
Panel five: Archie is in Betty’s kitchen as Betty is feeding him a slice of pie as Archie as Archie sits at the kitchen table. Archie has his mouth wide-open as he happily eats. Archie has spun his penny on the table while all this is happening. Jughead looks on sadly as he has a fishing pole and seemingly wanted to hang out with Archie.
Panel six: Archie and Veronica are in a jewelry department as Veronica is showing off a diamond necklace to Archie while Archie is showing off his lucky penny he has tied around his neck. Jughead is in the background glaring at Archie. Jughead is wearing a BEST FRIEND DAY T-shirt and is holding various balloons as it’s becoming more and more apparent Archie has not being hanging out with Jughead and Jughead is becoming irate.
Panel one: The setting now changes to The Chocklit Shop as Archie is going over his plan with a not happy Jughead as they sit at a window side table. The table behind them is empty as Pop Tate is wiping it clean.
Archie: …And that’s how it’s been for the last two weeks! I flip a coin and let lady luck play matchmaker for me!
Panel two: Archie kisses the penny as Jughead points at himself and sits up slightly.
Jughead: Well, what about me?? Since you and two dimensional Honest Abe have teamed up, we haven’t hung out like we always do!
Panel two: Archie spins the coin on the table as Jughead eyes it with contempt.
Archie: Sorry, Jughead. It’s just that I haven’t had the time since me and the girls are not having our usually spats over dates anymore.
Jughead: Yeah, I getcha….
Panel three: Jughead suddenly lightens his mood as Archie prepares to hand him the penny as Jughead holds out his hand for it.
Jughead: Say, I have an idea. Why don’t I treat us to a Pop Special? And I’m just one penny sort, so what do you say, amigo? For old time’s sake?
Archie: Sure, I mean, heck, what’s one penny when I normally finance you my entire allow—
Panel four: Archie pulls his hand back with the penny just in time before Jughead can stretch over the table and swipe it out of Archie’s hand. Archie pulls his entire body back and protects the penny with both hands. Jughead slams his other fist on the table at his failure to get that penny.
Jughead: Rats, drats and fiddlesticks!
Panel five: Archie is walking away from Jughead as Jughead puts both hands on his chest and motions at himself while Archie responds buy holding the penny up sideways to illustrate his point. Moose and Midge (carrying several text books) sits down at the empty table behind Jughead.
Jughead: What about me? Don’t I warrant a flip from your penny?
Archie: Sorry, Jug—but coins don’t have three sides!
Panel one: Jughead slouches down in his chair as he scowls. Behind him at the next table Moose and Midge are going over Earth Science as Midge has her American History textbook open as Moose scratches his head as he thinks.
Jughead: A pox on that accursed curative copper!
Midge: --Okay, now Moose, what are three main types of clouds?
Moose: Duh…stratus, cumulus—and circus!
Panel two: Jughead tilts an ear behind him as he listens in. Midge gives Moose an encouraging smile as Moose holds up two fingers with one hand and three with his other.
Midge: Close. Cirrus.
Moose: Huh. Two outta three, ain’t bad!
Panel three: Jughead turns his head back up front as his eyes become shifty and he has a sinister grin from ear to ear.
Jughead: Yeah…but it can be!
Panel four: The setting is the hallway of Riverdale High as school is letting out. Archie and Betty are standing together as Veronica is walking away as she waves goodbye to the both of them. Archie has the penny on the back of his hand to show that a coin flip had taken place and Veronica lost. Jughead is looking on, leaning against the lockers as he looks on with a smile as Veronica is heading his way.
Betty: Looks like me and Archie are having a picnic in the park! Better luck next time, V!
Veronica: Yeah, yeah.
Panel five: Jughead is talking with Veronica as Veronica
Jughead: Wow, I’m amazed at how good a loser you are, Ron.
Veronica: Who are you calling a loser, nimrod? It was a coin flip. It’s all left to luck.
Panel six: Veronica’s eyes light up as Jughead has his hands on the back of his head as he leans against the locker as he feigns disinterest.
Jughead: You’re right. But if one coin flip is luck, wouldn’t that make two coin flips destiny?
Panel one: Veronica storms back up as Archie is taken back as Betty glares at Veronica. Jughead in the background cups his hands like a mad scientist as he plan is working.
Veronica: One flip isn’t enough! It doesn’t prove anything! I want the best two out of three!
Panel two: Archie shows his palm and the penny being face up as Veronica looks on with a smile as Betty looks on in disbelief.
Caption: And with that--
Archie: …and that’s two for Veronica.
Panel three: Betty points at Archie as she talks with Veronica as Archie looks like he’s about to cry as his new way of dating is going up in smoke.
Betty: No way! If you get best two out of three, then I want best three out of five!
Veronica: Suits me just fine!
Panel four: Archie is barely standing as he can just flip the coin very weakly in the air as he looks like he’s about to fall over from exhaustion. Archie has to use one arm to keep the arm flipping the coin from falling to his side. Betty and Veronica are completely into the coin flips as they encourage a worn down Archie to continue. Jughead looks on from the background with a smile.
Betty and Veronica: BEST 1,005 OUT OF 2,007!!
Archie: Girls—couldn’t we draw straws…?
Betty and Veronica: NO!
Panel one: Archie is at his locker as Betty and Veronica begin to argue with one another. Archie rolls his eyes as he really does not want put up with all the bickering. Archie is about to close his locker door as he is using his right hand to hide a Valerie poster from the two distracted girls. Walking down the hall, The Riverdale Bulldog Mascot is arm and arm with Sherry as Shrill looks on mildly amused.
Veronica: Betty, Archie and I are going to the movies tonight!
Betty: No, Veronica, Archie is going to the movies with me!
Archie thinking: All I said was Protagonists 9 looked like fun.
Panel two: Betty and Veronica turns to Archie and both yell at the same time. Betty and Veronica surprise him and cause a knee-jerk reaction for Archie where he slams the locker door on his right hand. Betty and Veronica both point at Archie and have the same body language.
Betty and Veronica: ARCHIE CHOOSE!!!
Panel three: A frustrated Archie looks at Betty and Veronica as he grabs his throbbing hand. Betty is kissing it while Veronica is using her cell phone as she prepares to call for medical help.
Betty: Here let me kiss it and make it better.
Veronica: Hah! Poor People Home Remedy!
Veronica: I have a medical staff at my beck and call!
Panel one: Archie jerks his hand away as he begins to lecture both girls. Betty sucks in her lips while Veronica closes her cellphone as both girls obviously don’t appreciate Archie’s tone.
Archie: That’s enough! You two have been bickering over me nonstop! It has to end before we go beyond mending broken bones!
Panel two: Betty and Veronica return Archie’s look as Archie takes a step back as he fumbles in his pocket as he tries to find a way out of his predicament.
Veronica: We wouldn’t bicker if you would pick one of us first!
Betty: Yeah! Make a choice!
Archie: Um….well, let me think--
Panel three: Archie reaches into his pocket as pulls out a penny and shows it to the girls. Veronica is skeptical, but Betty is all smile and wide-eyed as she likes the idea.
Archie: Okay. I have a fair way to decide. I’ll flip this penny and whoever guesses the correct side, I’ll take to the movies!
Panel four: Archie flips the coin as Betty waves her ponytail like a wagging dog’s tail to illustrate her pick. Veronica folds her arms across her chest and turns her head away.
Betty: Tails never fails!
Veronica: A penny? It’ll obviously side with the poorest person!
Panel five: Archie shows the coin on the back of his hand as it is heads. Betty pouts as Veronica pumps her fists in the air and leaps in joy.
Archie: Heads. Ronnie and me see a flick!
Veronica: Yes! Another victory for the Lodge lineage!
Betty: …well, I did lose fair and square…!
Panel one: The next day in the same general location in the school hall, Betty and Veronica are arguing again as they both have one of Archie’s arms and begin a game of tug of war with a crowd of students rooting on each girl and one student taking bets. Archie is leaning more towards Betty.
Betty: You got to go to the movies with Archie yesterday! Today Archie and me are going to Pop’s!
Panel two: Veronica pulls Archie more towards her way as he looks on helplessly as Veronica digs her finger nails into him for a better grip.
Veronica: I don’t think so!! Archie would rather have a world class meal than burgers and fries!
Panel three: Archie jerks himself free as Betty and Veronica look on. The crowd sadly disperses as there was no clear winner. The kid placing bets sadly gives back the money he collected.
Archie: That’s enough!
Archie: Why don’t we flip the same coin from yesterday and decide that way?
Panel four: Archie flips the coin as Veronica sticks her tongue out at Betty as Betty leers at Veronica.
Archie: Ron, you call it this time!
Veronica: Heads, Archiekins.
Panel five: The coin lands on Archie’s palm showing tails as Betty makes a face back at Veronica as Veronica scowls in response. Archie looks on with a grin as the recent turn of events have given him an idea.
Betty: Looks like money isn’t your advantage this time.
Archie thinking: I think I’m on to something!
« on: November 22, 2014, 11:29:19 AM »
Hey, he's vital to the Riverdale cast. He carries a camera.
« on: November 22, 2014, 07:28:07 AM »
No Toni Topaz...? That's disappointing. I guess we'll all just have to settle for Trev for that month. He doesn't even have purple hair.
This used to be easy. Jughead. It had Craig Boldman, Rex Lindsey, Samm Schwartz. A sprinkling of Fernado Ruiz...but then it because Jughead and Archie and everything that I liked got cut in half.
(No offense to the Archie stuff...but I could get the Archie digest for that.)
Right now...Archie's Funhouse. I like the full stories like the World Tour, The Hollywood Arc, and The Cartoon Life. And Reggie gets a ton of spotlight most of the time. And it's probably the best mix.
I mean, if you like a certain digest, you pretty much know Dan Parent's work will be in Betty and Veronica more and ect. This it's pretty much everyone has equal chance to be in.
Personally, I hate that they used one's travel history as one point towards their ability to go on this trip. I mean, the point of a foreign exchange student trip is to help students learn about a new culture. So we'll give points to the person who already has the resources to travel all over the world as opposed to the student who doesn't independently possess those resources.
You just weren't popular in school. Or rich. Or traveled the world.
Reading it and...Quick question. So if two people act like total jerks, insult their town and everyone in it, including their parents--they get rewarded with a chance at going overseas for a year?
Ms. Grundy: Dilton, are you happy in Riverdale?
Dilton: Yes, I have good friends and Riverdale is a nice place to live. I couldn't be happier.
Ms. Grundy: Well, you're obviously not deserving of school exchange to various countries around the globe that would only help you vast knowledge.
Dilton: But...But I have the best grades! I teach your class on occasion!
Ms. Grundy: Sorry, but you didn't act annoying. Archie, Reggie, you agree?
Archie and Reggie: DURRRRRR...
And now that I finished reading it...am I supposed to feel sorry for Betty? For starters, she was a jerk just like Veronica in the early part of the story and yeah, did Veronica use her money? Yep.
But Betty played dirty first. I mean, if you want to get that Betty's a saint and Veronica's evil like it was the 90s again, have Veronica brag to Archie and Reggie and they decide to unite the boys to vote against her leaving.
Veronica's vainess costs her while Betty tries her best on her own merits and plays a fair game only for Veronica to cheat and Mr. Lodge deciding to pay for Betty's trip (It's coming)
I mean, I hate that story because I don't like stories where Veronica is EVIL and Betty is a SAINT, but it would make sense to me. That last page just makes her parents out to be whiners.
Oh, and like a few have mentioned WE ALREADY KNOW THEY BOTH GO!!! Did someone mix up the issue order or something? What's the point of this story?
And what the heck does that first page have to do with anything in the story?
I did like Reggie's joke and Jughead calling him a sexist. So, something.
Wow. Make the cover Christmas based and K-Mart will put that out on schedule. And Thanksgiving is coming up. Do any of you know what it’s like to have a birthday on, before, or after Thanksgiving? You don’t get gifts and people go to your home to eat your food. Bah Plymouth!
The Lead story. I’ve gotta be honest the new stories haven’t been—well, really that good to me, but this one was great. And it’s a Reggie Story. “In Not So Gifted” Reggie decides that imitation is the best way to win the hearts of the ladies, and we get the backfire. Alex Simmons does a great job capturing the disposition of the characters and for six pages it’s a blast. And Pat Kennedy. This is easily the best work I’ve seen from him. Honestly, I’m not a fan, but this was a greatly drawn story. The decorations on the first page is wonderfully cute and after you read the story you can only reflect on how smart it is. And I know people (me for one) have been hard Digikore Studios for their coloring, but they have really improved and done a great job and should be recognized for it.
Chuck’s Cartoon Life. We’re on part three of four, so one more to go. Mr. Weatherbee, in an attempt to impress the superintendent (SKINNNNNNNERRR) has Chuck taking his workshop to middle school. Sounds good until he has to collate ancient Greece. The art by Fernado Ruiz is amazing like always. And I like that they mentioned the Hollywood trip arc. There is continueing problem with the Cartoon Life I’ll talk about later though.
Characters galore. If you wanted to see as many of the Archie characters with their stories you get it in this issue. You have Moose tutoring Dilton (Yep. You read that correctly), Dilton the trend setter, Mr. Lodge, Nancy. It’s just fun seeing so many different characters. My favorite is the Svenson story where the kids learns that contributions come from everyone. Best story has to be Reggie taking a bet that if Archie can beat him at anything he’ll be quiet for two weeks. The ending is just so perfect.
Christmas stories: Only four, but for the most part they are well told. I’ve already mentioned “In Not So Gifted”. Mr. Lodge has a Christmas Carol and Veronica throws a Christmas Party and learns it doesn’t have to be the flashiest for everyone to be happy. And would you really want to trade your Christmas away. Find out the answer.
Chuck. I’ve mentioned Cartoon life and I like the idea, I like the art, I like the situations—but I don’t like Chuck. He’s boring. He’s just so bland as a character. He smiles, he whines, he pouts…that’s about it for him. In comparison, we have an older version of Chuck who wants to prove men cook than women. He’s arrogant, he prideful—he’s fun! What I wouldn’t give to have this Chuck in Cartoon Life! It’d be fun seeing him get frustrated that he has to work in subject matter he’s not good at into his comic. He sure as heck wouldn’t spend page after page whining!
What wha--? Okay, I mentioned Mr. Lodge having a Christmas Carol and it was pretty good—except why he had it didn’t make sense. Okay, he bans Archie from the Lodge Mansion after he messes up the Christmas tree decorations. Then he goes to sleep—and he’s shown that buying from the heart is more important than the price. WHAT?! Shouldn’t it be more about forgiveness? Heck, during the present portion they show Veronica wanting just a bike and Mr. Lodge wanting her to have an expensive car instead—Why not just use that at the beginning and the ghost show him the past (his father) and future! It’s like the beginning is one story and the rest is another.
Bridgette. GO AWAY! You’re boring, annoying, and a Mary Sue and I’m tired of stories with you in them when—well, any other character would be better! You are a tree without shade, a well without water; you contribute nothing!
Sorry. I’ve just always wanted to say that. Feel better now. No one tell Dan Parent what I just said. EVER.
What I’ve learned.
1. When the Ghost of Christmas is bored, he’ll find any excuse to have a Christmas Carol.
2. Always check your digital receipts.
3. What do you do when you have two insane girls who don’t agree on anything? Why make them work together!
4. That Riverdale Elementary has way better artists than Millis Middle School.
5. Give a nerd a game control and he will be Michael Jordan—LeBron James is he joins other talented nerds to win a championship.
6. Put a band-aide on your face and all the pretty girls will kiss you.
7. People with less money don’t want people with more money spending much on them—REALLY?
8. Tiddlywinks is a sport.
9. When grocery shopping value and fridge open space do not always coincide.
10. Being rich isn’t great, but giving friends gifts is—What, am I missing something?
Overall. Yeah, there’s one hiccup in a story and Chuck needs a personality transfer, stat. But this digest had the best of the new stories, I’ve read, the stories are good with great morals. No complaints about the art, the writing for the characters is fun. This is an easy A so go pick it up.
All About Archie / Re: Possable "Family Feud" Match-up Between The Archies and Josie and the Pussycats« on: November 06, 2014, 05:34:06 PM »
I liked Jerry Combs. Especially him running down the heels at WrestleMania Eight.
Panel one: Toni Topaz and The Glutton are standing by the table as each have five pumpkin pies in front of them. Toni Topaz is punching the air while the Glutton just sneers and scratches his arm pit. The Presenter is going over the rules as he motions like he is eating.
Presenter: Up next is the pumpkin pie eating contest between Toni Topaz and The Glutton with the winner advancing to the final to face Jughead!
Presenter: The rules are simple! First to eat their pies wins!
Panel two: The Glutton is bent over and ready to eat as is Toni Topaz as they both trash talk each other as they wait for the Presenter to signal for the contest to begin.
The Glutton: You might as well quit, girly. You won’t be able to live with the embarrassment I cause you!
Toni Topaz: Then I’ll just ask your parents how they cope.
Panel three: Both Toni Topaz and The Glutton dunk their heads into their first pie at the same time as The Presenters tells them to start as he acts like he is doing Ryu’s shoruken punch.
The Presenter: Go Go Go!
Panel four: Toni Topaz pulls her face out from her pie as the pie is too piping hot for her to eat as she is wide-eyed in pain. The Glutton, with pie spilling from his mouth, looks over and grins wickedly at Toni’s plight. A fume of smoke is coming from Toni’s pie while the Glutton’s does not to show that The Glutton has a cool pie.
Toni Topaz: YOW YOW!
Toni Topaz: HOT! TOO HOT!!
Panel five: Toni Topaz runs off stage as The Glutton licks his last pie pan clean as his shirt is stained with pumpkin pie filling. The Presenter is confused but motions towards The Glutton as the winner.
Presenter: Um, well—
Presenter: Your winner. The Glutton…
Panel one: It is backstage as Toni Topaz is pouring a bottle of water over her face as Kevin Keller hands her a towel. They are behind Jughead as Jughead is looking straight ahead.
Toni Topaz: That pie was right out of the oven!
Kevin Keller: How did something like that happen?
Panel two: We see from Jughead’s point of view with his nose sticking out and pointed directly at The Glutton and Pauline Elder from across the backstage as The Glutton holds out his pie covered hand for Pauline to shake, but Pauline backs away as if The Glutton’s hand were a python.
Panel three: Jughead is walking ahead as Toni Topaz is using a towel to dry her face as Kevin Keller wonders where Jughead is going.
Jughead: I’ll check back with you guys later.
Panel four: The Glutton is clenching his fists as he can’t wait for the next round and his chance to finally defeat Jughead. Pauline looks on with a smirk.
The Glutton: Hah! I can’t wait! I’m going to embarrass Jughead! I’m going to be the true eater of Riverdale. I was born to eat! I know I’ll win this time!
Panel five: Jughead is beside the two of them as they turn as they just notice him.
Jughead: You know what the problem here is: You’re a born loser and she’s a slow learner.
Panel one: Pauline points at her wig as The Glutton pats his stomach as they both confront Jughead as Jughead looks up at the two.
Jughead: I normally try to avoid confrontations because it’s a lot work, but I don’t appreciate how shamefully you treated my friend.
Pauline: Is that so, you dirty haired mote?
Panel two: Jughead listens on as the two continue to rant at his face.
The Glutton: It doesn’t matter what you like! The only thing you’ll eat more than me in the next round is your words! And I ain’t talkin’ alphabet soup!
Pauline: You’re going to be made a fool of in front of your peers, like you’ve done to us!
Panel three: Jughead walks away as he isn’t concerned by their threat in the least as he pops the collar to his sweater to illustrate his point.
Jughead: I make a fool of myself every time I get dressed in the morning and put on my pointy little hat. But if anyone can make a bigger fool of me, it would be two clowns.
Panel four: The Glutton snarls and growls as his face goes bright red as he is filled with rage as Pauline Elder is so angry she is pulling the hair out of her wig in clumpbs.
The Glutton: I’ll handicap him! I’ll sit on him! I’m chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out! I don’t even need to cheat to beat him!
Panel five: The Glutton turns to Pauline for reassurance as Pauline just slaps her forehead hard enough to nearly knock her wig off as her response.
The Glutton: …But we still are going to cheat, right?
Panel one: The Presenter is motioning for Jughead and The Glutton as they both walk on from the right side of the stage as they both head to the left of the stage. As the walk out the two are bumping into each other as they try to knock the other aside.
The Presenter: --And finally, our last biting battle of the evening! Jughead Jones versus the Glutton!
The Presenter: Will the two of you take your places at your assigned plate of candy corn so we may begin?
Panel two: The two are at the table with a giant plate filled with a small mound of candy cord on each plate only Jughead’s plate has candy corn covered in hair as Jughead scratches the side of his head as he examines his candy corn. His candy corn also has several bits of ice on it to show that the candy corn has been frozen to make it even harder on Jughead. The Glutton’s plate of candy corn is normal and he smiles confidently at it as he licks his lips and pats his stomach as it wobbles. The Presenter tries to act like everything on the up and up as he looks to his left as Pauline Elder is standing next to a box of Spotty snacks and the trophy. Pauline nods and motions with one hand for The Presenter to continue as if nothing has happened.
The Presenter: And as you can, um, see—each plate is of equal quantity and…quality…? Room temperature barring cold fronts…
Panel three: The Presenter motions for the two to begin eating as both dive in head first and begin stuffing candy corn into their mouths. The Presenter jumps in the air with both legs bent and his feet at his back as he is hyped for the match. Jughead shivers as he stuffs frozen candy corn into his mouth.
The Presenter: Jughead, Glutton---
The Presenter: GO GO GO!!
Panel one: The Glutton is eating with a mouthful of candy corn in his mouth as Jughead’s mouth is filled with frozen candy corn and hair in his mouth as he is keeping up. Jughead is obviously having more problems then The Glutton.
The Gluton thingking: Heh-heh! That candy corn is frozen rocks and all that extra wig hair will clog up his throat! I can’t lose!
Panel two: Jughead looks at The Glutton and as he swallows his entire mouthful of candy corn as The Glutton looks on in amazement.
Panel three: Jughead burps as a large hairball comes out of his mouth and lands right on The Glutton’s face, blinding him.
Panel four: Jughead goes back to eating as The Glutton is trying to pulls the hairball off his face with one hand and try to find his plate of candy corn with his other as his vision is obstructed. Pauline’s confidence fades instantly at this turn of events.
Jughead: So that’s what it’s like to be Caramel.
The Glutton: AAAIIEE
The Glutton: Get it off!! I can’t see!
Panel five: Pauline grabs The Glutton by his shirt and pulls him in front of his plate as he is swishing his arms in every direction as the hairball still obstructs his vision.
Pauline: You fat cretin! Eat! Eat!
The Glutton: I can’t eat what I can’t see!!
Pauline: Yes you can, you tubby failure!
Panel five: Pauline turns to see that The Presenter is holding up Jughead’s hand in victory as Jughead’s plate has been licked clean. The Glutton is pulling at the hairball as he knocks over his table and wonders around aimlessly. Pauline takes her wig off and screams defeat. Jughead turns his head as he begins to cough up another hairball.
The Presenter: AND THE WINNER—JUGHEAD JONES!!!
Pauline Elder NO! NO! NO!
Panel one: Jughead is watching Pauline takes out her anger on her wig as she stomps on it as the crowd laughs at her and points at her bald head. Kevin Keller and Toni Topaz walk up to congratulate him.
Kevin Keller: Way to go, Jug! You won!
Toni Topaz: Guess this means you’re the number one eater in Riverdale.
Panel two: Jughead turns to Toni Topaz and waves off her comment.
Jughead: Nah. This contest was rigged. It should have been you and me fighting for the title. And me and Kevin are even with a win each.
Panel three: Toni Topaz bats her eyelashes as she flirts with Jughead as Jughead doesn’t react to her at all as he listens. Kevin Keller snickers as he is amused by Toni Topaz and her idea. The Presenter is walking up to Jughead with a box of Spotty Snacks.
Toni Topaz: Well, you do have a year’s worth of Spotty snacks. How’s about the three of us split a box and whomever eats the most wins them all?
Panel four: Jughead has the Spotty Snacks and is eating them as he walks away from Toni Topaz as she and Kevin Keller laugh at Jughead’s reaction. Jughead walks past the trophy, completely ignoring it as he doesn’t want it. Pauline looks on in horror as The Glutton is about to fall on her as his shadow looms over her like a veil of death.
Jughead: I have a better idea, I’ll keep all the Spotty Snacks, but which ever of you two eat the most leftover crumbs from this one box can have the oversized paper weight!
Kevin Keller: I’m up for the challenge if you are.
Toni Topaz: You really think a crumb will be left?
Panel one: The setting is Pickens Park during the afternoon as a presenter is on stage (Complete with curtains to separate the backstage area) next to a table that has a metal tub of apples for bobbing, a pumpkin pie, and a plate filled with candy corn as the presenter goes over the rules. To the side of the table is a five foot statue of a person eating while trying to keep his wig straight. Over the stage is a banner reading HAIR IF YOU CARE PRESENTS…THE HALLOWEEN HAVOC EATING CONTEST. A crowd has surrounded the stage as Jughead is standing off to himself as he is listening in. The crowd is acting like it is a rock concert as they dance and enjoy themselves; even an elderly couple is having fun dancing.
Presenter: --And thank you all for coming!
Presenter: Wig out as the four top eaters of Riverdale compete in a tournament to crown the true eating champion!
Jughead thinking: Huh. So this is what that mysterious text was all about. All communication parted to me should involve something like this.
Panel two: Jughead is looking at the banner as he seems to have a bad feeling about it that he can’t quite understand as he folds his has a hand over his chin as the ponders.
Jughead: Something about this seems familiar. Like a horrible memory you try to forget or that feeling you get reading a bad fan fic.
Caption: This coming from someone who had to split half his digest with his best friend!
Panel three: Jughead turns his head as two people talk to him from behind.
Voice one: Jughead, looks like you and me might have our long awaited match!
Voice two: And we’ll have our rematch!
Panel one: Jughead turns around to see Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller as they greet him as they are competing in the contest as well. Toni adjusts her hat as Kevin Keller gives Jughead a two finger salute as his way of saying hello.
Jughead: Two Fisted Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller.
Toni Topaz: The one and only.
Kevin Keller: Reporting to mess hall and ready to chow down.
Panel two: Jughead is matter of fact as Toni Topaz smiles at him and winks as she flirts with him.
Toni Topaz: Not happy to see us?
Jughead: No. Just not surprised. When they said the four top eaters in Riverdale I figured you two got the same text I did.
Panel three: Kevin Keller is asking Jughead a question as Jughead isn’t thrilled knowing the answer as he obviously would rather not say.
Kevin Keller: Well, you’re two for two, so who do you think the fourth is?
Panel four: The ground begins to shake as Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller lose their balance as Jughead just lets himself bop up and down like a super ball as he remains unimpressed.
Toni Topaz: What is this?! An earthquake!?
Jughead: No. That would be our fellow competitor toddling our way now.
Kevin Keller: Who?!
Panel one: The Glutton is standing loud and proud as he his hair looks like he just got out of bed, his greasy shirt is two sizes too small and he is wearing jeans cut into shorts. His pig like nose has a small drop of snot sticking out, and he has several bits of various foods in between his yellow teeth.
The Glutton: Gregory Gorgey—THE GLUTTON!!!
The Glutton: I’m the Baron of Bite and the Master of Munch and the table is set for me to win and prove I’m the number one food connoisseur in Riverdale!!
Panel two: Jughead is casually talking with Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller as the Glutton’s jaw drops as he can’t believe that they weren’t listening to him.
Jughead: …So then Gaston catches me in the walk in freezer and I go--
Glutton: Hey!! Pay attention to me!! I am large and in charge!!
Panel three: Toni Topaz jokes as The Glutton becomes enraged.
Toni Topaz: Yes, to the former. No to the latter.
Panel four: The Glutton uses his stomach to knock Toni Topaz off her feet as Kevin Keller rushes to her aid.
The Glutton: Put your mouth where the food is! Look at you! No way you win! You’re stomach is too small!
Toni Topaz: Hey!
Panel five: Jughead is quipping back at The Glutton as The Glutton’s face goes bright red and his nostrils flare. Kevin Keller helps Toni Topaz to her feet as Toni Topaz leers at The Glutton
Jughead: Your brain is too small and you still able to think. Slowly, but surely.
Panel one: The presenter makes way as Pauline Elder is walking to the center of the stage and taking the mic from him. She is wearing a bride of Frankenstein wig and wearing a blue and green dress suit as she half heartedly waves to the people in the audience.
Presenter: And now for the benefactor and financier, the CEO of Hair I Care Enterprises—
Presenter: Ms. Pauline Elder!
Jughead: Oh now I remember. Crazy wig lady.
Panel two: Kevin Keller is talking with Jughead as Jughead explains how he met Pauline Elder. In he background is a scene where Jughead is giving her the fake wig made of Hot Dog’s fur as she begins scratching and he happily takes five hundred dollars as his reward. Hot Dog turns to look at the empty spot of fur on his back.
Kevin Keller: You know her, Jug?
Jughead: Yeah, she wanted Trula’s hair for her personal wig collection…
Jughead: …And instead of doing the obvious preference of shaving Twyst bald, I donated a small patch of Hot Dog’s fur instead.
Panel three: Jughead turns to Toni Topaz as she asks him a question of her own.
Toni Topaz: Think she figured out your ruse?
Panel four: Pauline Elder simply glares at Jughead and does the beheading gesture to her throat as she grits her teeth and her wig tilts to the left side of her head as the presenter tries to keep it upright on her head.
Panel five: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he seems not to care about Pauline’s noverbal threat as Kevin Keller places a hand on his shoulder to show support. Toni Topaz adjusts her hat as she sees the obvious answer. The Glutton points at Jughead, does the throat slash motion with his other hand and winks to hint at a possible alliance.
Jughead: It’s possible.
Panel one: Pauline is shoving the presenter back as she begins to go over the rules as her hair piece leans over her eyebrows.
Pauline: After my last trip to this…quant little town, I couldn’t help but come back for reve—er, fun and games.
Pauline: And what better fun and games can their be than an eating contest tournament?
Panel two: Pauline points over at the table and all the items on it as everyone in the audience looks on. The Presenter strikes a pose as he uses both arms to motion towards the table.
Pauline: The rules are simple for you rubes to understand:
Pauline: The four contestants will be divided up into separate match-up—eat the bobbed apples and a pumpkin pie eating contests—and the winner of each will advance to the final round: The Mountain of Candy Corn!
Panel three: The presenter struggles to hold up the trophy in one hand and a box of Spotty Snacks with the other. The box of Spotty snacks has parody of Mystery Incorporated with an African American as Fred, a confused blond for Daphne, A frizzy haired frighten teenage girl for Shaggy, a fat nerd with glasses and hand held computer for Velma and a Dalmatian in place of Scooby Doo.
Pauline: And not only will the winner win this fabulous trophy…
Pauline: …But a year’s supply of Spotty Snacks! The favorite treat of the Mysteries Five mascot Spotty Spotty Dot!
Panel four: Back to Jughead, Toni Topaz, Kevin Keller, and The Glutton. Jughead is licking his lips as he seems interested for the first time in the story, Toni Topaz is acting like she has a handful of the Spotty Snacks in both hands, Kevin Keller smiles as he likes the prize and The Glutton rubs his stomach as it shakes in all directions.
Jughead: Many a haunted house or deserted mill I would venture to for just one!
Toni Topaz: Pow Pow! I can’t wait!
Kevin Keller: And a year’s supply!
Glutton: That’ll be a swell meal for my telly-tum-tum!
Panel five: As she hands the mic back to The Presenter, Pauline glares over at Jughead as Jughead is talking with Kevin and Toni not noticing that The Glutton is giving her the “okay” hand signal. Pauline has a smirk across the right side of her face as her hair piece tips to the right side of her head.
Pauline thinking: I spent months of research, finding the best way to hurt Jughead Jones after he tricked me and had infested me with fleas!
Pauline thinking: And with my pawn in place and my meticulous planning, Jughead won’t be able to take a nibble without thinking of the disgrace he’ll soon experience!
Panel one: Jughead and Kevin Keller are standing behind the table on stage. Each has a large metal tub filled with apples and water. Both Jughead and Kevin Keller look on anxiously. The Presenter is up front and making the match announcement.
Presenter: Round one will be Eat The Bobbed Apples with Jughead Jones competing against Kevin Keller.
Presenter: Lads on my mark--!
Panel two: The Presenter motions with two fingers for the two to begin while running in place. Kevin Keller dunks his face in the water while Jughead dunks his entire head and begins to swirl the water around using his neck. A small spiral has formed with Jughead’s head in the center.
Presenter: GO GO GO!
Panel three: Kevin Keller has his head out of the water as he begins to eat an apple as Jughead just casually stands looking at Kevin with a smile. The water in Jughead’s tub is slowly still spinning in a small spiral with no apples seen because of this.
Kevin Keller: Jughead, um….you do know how this works, right? You’re supposed to bob for the apples.
Panel four: Jughead motions towards his tub as the water is still and apple cores begin floating to the surface to show that Jughead ate all of his apples when he had his head in the water. Kevin Keller looks on with wide-eyes as the apple he was eating slips out of his hand and his jaw drops.
Jughead: No. We have to eat the apples. No one ever said I had to take them out of the water.
Panel five: Kevin Keller shakes Jughead’s hand as Jughead accepts but looks over hungrily at Kevin Keller’s still full tub of apples.
Kevin Keller: I concede to the man with the better plan.
Jughead: Thanks. And are you to finish those?
Panel one: Pauline Elder looks on from behind the stage as she bends her wig to her face and strangles it in anger.
Pauline Elder: How did he win! His apples were made of wax!
Panel two: The Glutton walks up next to her and points to himself with both thumbs as he shows off. Pauline looks at the Glutton with disgust as she takes a step away from the slob.
The Glutton: Don’t worry! I’ll handle that skinny bean in the final after I eat the pink haired girl out of house and home!
Pauline: You had better. My plan only works if he loses to someone—like you.
Panel three: The Glutton sticks out his large stomach as he boasts to himself as he is full of confidence at his chance of winning.
The Glutton: Hah! I’m going up against a girl! Anybody can beat a girl!
Panel four: The Glutton looks to Pauline for reassurance as Pauline fixes her hair back to where it was as she rolls her eyes and curls her lips like she wants to just run out and get away from The Glutton.
The Glutton: We are going to cheat though, right?
Pauline: Yes, you twit!
Panel five; Pauline scratches her head as thinks back to the dog hair wig she wore and the fleas that came with it.
Pauline: Once word got out I wore a wig made of dog hair, I became the joke of the hairpiece trade! I want sweet cold revenge!
Panel six: The Glutton punches his open palm to show that he wants to make Jughead suffer to as Pauline smiles wickedly as she walks away.
The Glutton: Yeah! Revenge is a dish best served cold!
Pauline: Quite so. But let’s not discount a hot plate…
To Be continued
And I'm using to fan fic I've used before for villains because...eh, I just like villain team ups.
« on: October 29, 2014, 08:58:23 PM »
What if, for the Archie Horror brand, We had Cosmo the Evil Martian invade Earth, starting with the small town of Riverdale? We got horror what about a sci-fi series?
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