Jughead with Archie Digest Magazine No. 106 - Sept 1991
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Topics - PTF
« on: November 27, 2015, 12:55:21 AM »
Panel one: The setting is Betty Cooper driving her car with Veronica in the passenger seat as she uses a car mirror to fix her hair and admire her lip stick.
Betty: I really appreciate you coming with me, Veronica. The best deals are on Black Friday, but—I have trouble getting anything. I could use the help.
Veronica: Think nothing of it, Betty. It’ll be fun watching you forage around for your discount DVDs, half off blouses and such and such.
Panel two: Betty is talking with Veronica as Veronica arrogantly waves her off.
Betty: I don’t think you know how hard it is too shop on Black Friday, Ronnie.
Veronica: I go to the most extravagant of boutiques where the cream of the crop scratch and claw for the best of the best.
Veronica: This is just a fun little divesion.
Panel three: A shot of Betty Cooper as she has a sly smile as she points ahead. Veronica’s eyes widen and her eyes drop at what she sees.
Betty: This is you’re idea of a diversion.
Page 2 +3
Panel one: A large panel showing Bal Mart as the Cooper car pulls into the parking lot as the entire parking lot is crammed with cars, with every space full. One angry man is shaking his fist at two kids who are taking their time on the cross walk. Two cars have pulled in and got in each others way for a parking spot. The main entrance to Bal-Mart is clogged with people who tried to go in all at once. A Bal-Mart employee is protesting alone as he has a sign reading: THE LONE MAN PROTEST!!! A small old lady with a 50 inch TV in her shopping cart and a fat guy with a Turkey Roaster are racing down a parking lane. A car driving along the parking lot is waving the white flat. A man is struggling to fit his TVs, DVDs, and various cooking appliances into his trunk. At another section of the parking lot, A husband angrily waits for his wife as she cannot get out of her side of the car because the car next to her has a group of people just chatting the day away. The wife gives her husband a “what can I do?” shrug. A security guard is chasing after a woman wearing an overcoat bursting with jewelry and necklaces. A car barely puts the brake on as a kid runs out in front of him; the kid’s mother is rushing over to grab him. The kid is playing with an action figure to notice what almost happened. Across the street is a C-Mart where a few cars have parked with the people crossing the street to get to Bal-Mart as a sad C-mart employee points to their building, but is ignored by everyone. Traffic if is blocked because of the lines of people just casually crossing the street to get to Bal-Mart.
Panel two: Veronica looks out her side of the window as two angry middle age men are ramming their shopping carts at each other as a Bal-Mart attendant rushes to stop them.
Veronica: It’s like Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons fighting over shiny stones!
Panel three: Betty looks over and grins at Veronica and gently nudges her with her elbow.
Betty: Still up to helping me forage?
Panel four: Veronica folds her arms and scowls as she gets her game face on as Betty is surprised.
Veronica: Park the car, give me your list, and stay close to me or you will not survive.
Panel one: Betty and Veronica walk inside as they are in between where the carts are stationed and the actual area of the store. In front of them several people are fighting over carts. One man is trying to separate his cart from three others as his wife rolls his eyes at him. Two high school teenage boys are having a tug of war over a cart as they both pull with all of their might.
Betty: Wow! This is even crazier than last year! People are fighting tooth and nail over the shopping carts!
Panel two: Veronica walks past Betty as Betty looks on confused. Veronica has a fake smile on her face and is flipping her hair back.
Veronica: Good. They’re not using the right weapons.
Betty: What are you…?
Veronica: Just watch.
Panel three: Veronica swerves her body and winks at the teens as they have hearts over their eyes.
Veronica: My, what wondrously gallant men! If only one of you could help me and my blond friend retrieve a cart.
Panel four: Veronica is wheeling the shopping cart inside as she has a triumphant smile on her face as a morally opposed Betty follows beside her. In the background the two love stuck teens both have lipstick kisses on a face cheek as they look on. As Betty and Veronica go in a Bal-Mart greeter is checking a foot long list receipt as a man with two filled to the brink shopping carts texts on his phone. The Bal-Mart mascot (A red ball with black arms and legs with white gloves and white sneakers) is being chased by a junior high basketball team. The Bal-Mart mascot has a paper with 20% off taped to his back causing his trouble.
Betty: Ronnie, that was a little sneaky, wasn’t it?
Veronica: Yes. Just a little sneaky compared to what else I’ll have to do.
Panel one: Betty and Veronica looks ahead as in front of her are various shoppers with carts as they are zooming every which way with several colliding with each other. A man barely avoids being run down by a gang of old people on motorized carts. A small boy is carrying a super hero action figure three times his size.
Betty: Maybe we can go around?
Veronica: No. We’re going through.
Betty: How? Look at all this traffic!
Panel two: Veronica lowers her head and grips the cart handle like she were a race car driver as she looks ahead with a fierce, determined, devil may care grin.
Veronica: Like General Sherman told the people of Atlanta, “Leap, follow, or get out of my way!”
Betty: What does that mean--?
Panel three: Veronica dashes ahead as she cuts off a fat man in his motorized cart who is eating a bag of Doritos and drinking mountain dew as he spills his drink on himself. A small child barely dodges Veronica, and as Veronica goes she uses one hand to stiff arm a body builder. Betty looks on in shock at Veronica’s actions.
Panel four: Betty runs along as she looks back at the fat man who is licking his shirt as he scowls towards Betty, the kid who sticks out his tongue, and the body builder who is crying that he got over powered by a teenage girl as a nearby sumo wrestler laughs at him.
Betty: Really sorry!
Panel five: Betty has caught up with Veronica as Veronica continues to dash ahead with ruthless aggression. Behind the two a ten cart pile up has happened with various men and women covered in clothing, jewelry, dvds, shoes, and their shopping carts. Betty looks back and continues to apologize.
Betty: We’re really sorry!! I swear, she’s a pleasant person!! Don’t think ill of her!!
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are in the women’s clothing section as Betty begins to scold Veronica as Veronica just ignores her. Behind them, a seven foot tall woman is holding up a blouse in the air so a four foot tall woman cannot get it.
Betty: I can’t believe you did that!
Veronica: I am but what circumstances make of me.
Panel two: Betty continues to talks with Veronica as Veronica smirks.
Betty: “Circumstances make of me”! You almost ran over some nice old lady!
Veronica: Circumstantially, she should not have been in my way—
Panel three: Veronica turns to talk frankly with Betty.
Veronica: --And that was not a nice old lady! There is no “nice” person in this building! Everyone is cutthroat and out for themselves!
Panel four: Betty boldly replies as Veronica rolls her eyes.
Betty: I’m a nice person!
Veronica: And that’s the problem…
Panel five: Veronica turns and points at the four foot woman who is standing over the unconscious seven foot woman while admiring her recently won blouse. Betty is still adamant in morals and ethics and she rolls her eyes as Veronica goes on her charade. Blasting past Betty are two shoppers grind their carts wheels together, creating sparks as they dash by.
Veronica: You’re not going to get anything you want on Black Friday if you try to be noble and kind!
Veronica: You fight fire with napalm! They push and shove, you punch and kick! They start a fight, you give them a war!
« on: November 22, 2015, 11:31:08 AM »
Panel one: The setting is the driveway of Dilton Doiley’s home during a bright sunny afternoon. Archie is walking up the driveway of the Doily house as he looks around. Along the front yard are various flying cambots hovering in the air. One cambot is focusing on a rabbit wearing winter clothes eating carrot ice cream. Another cambot is being chased by a flock of butterflies. One cambot is rolling across the ground to keep up with a hedgehog that is rolled up and trying to move away. Two cambots, with retractable hands, are raking the leaves in the yard as they look angrily at a nearby cambot who is just watching. One cambot is focused on Archie and extends a robotic hand to wave hello.
Archie: Guess Dilton knows I’m here…I just wish I knew what he wanted to see me about. He was really excited.
Panel two: Archie looks over into the next yard to see that a moving truck and various workers are setting out several bosses. One super skinny mover is single handily carrying out a sofa to the surprise of a co-worker. On the driveway are boxes that are labeled: Fragile, Junk, Fragile Junk (mother-in-law stuff). As Archie looks over he is enjoying the sunlight shining on his face.
Archie: Seems a shame to spend a day like this in a stuffy basement. I don’t know how Dilton handles it.
Panel three: Archie is at the high tech basement door of Dilton Doiley as it opens. Archie blushes and scratches the back of his head as he reacts to Dilton overhearing his comment from the previous panel. Near the door is a small intercom and security box. Behind Archie, the cambot that greeted Archie is slammed into by the cambot being chased by the butterflies and sails off panel.
Dilton on near by intercom: My ventilation system filters all pollen, pollutants, and dust particles for perfectly fresh, clean air. And there’s a window.
Archie: Heh-heh. Right.
Page 2 + 3
Panel one: Archie is inside to see the madhouse that is Dilton’s laboratory. Inside of Dilton’s lab we can see several high tech computers along the walls, the main computer has the following on the screen: REALITY IS THAT WHICH, WHEN YOU STOP BELIEVING IN IT, DOESN’T GO AWAY. Typing that message in is one of Dilton’s two inch robots. A robot beside the typing one is taking a selfie with a small phone. Various work tables have various inventions of different sizes, shapes, and degrees of completion have been moved aside with an army of the small robots around them, tired with all the moving. One of the robots checks his phone to see the selfie from the other robot. Close to Archie on the ground, two robots are trying to roll up a blue print for a Beta Drone robot (small humanoid robot with a faceplate) as another of the small robots finds itself rolled up. In the middle of the room is a high tech chair resembling a lazy boy that has a computer attached to the side and a scanner helmet overhead. The helmet has red lens that extend over the eyes and just under the nose. Working behind the chair is Dilton as he is using a laser drill as a small robot is on the helmet looking on. At the back of the room over a computer is a portrait of Cheryl Blossom signed Mini Bot #1,654. Several small bird bots are overhead with mini-bots riding them and spraying air fresheners. Behind one of the robotic birds is a banner reading: I DAYDREAM OF ELECTRIC BIRDSEEDS.
Archie: Um, I catch you a little busy?
Panel two: Dilton holds up the laser drill with one hand as he takes off his goggles with another. Two bird robots with a minibot riding flies over to take the drill or goggles respectively.
Dilton: On the contrary, you caught me recently finished!
Panel three: Archie is having trouble walking as he is struggling to avoid the swarm of mini-bots in his way as the mini-bots are acting like they are in a Godzilla movie as the panic around the lumbering Archie.
Archie: Got your text. I’m—whoa sorry!!—and came over, but what does TOMBS mean?
Panel four: Dilton motions towards the brain scanner chair as Archie looks on bewildered.
Dilton: Oh, that was a short acronym meaning: Try Out My BrainScanner.
Dilton: Hip, right?
Panel one: Archie looks over the brain scanner chair as Dilton adjusts his glasses. In the background, a birdbot has taken the rolled up blue prints as the minibot inside sticks his head out. The mini bot riding the bird bot points down and laughs at the other mini bot’s plight.
Archie: “Brain scanner”? So it’s kind of like a DVR for the noggin?
Dilton: You are venturing down the accurate channel.
Panel two: Dilton holds out a small high tech thumb drive as he begins to give it to Archie to hold.
Dilton: My brain scanner, as the name suggests, scans the brain, but it also can copy the mind and store it for future use inside this brain drive.
Panel three: Archie looks at the brain drive as he scratches his head.
Archie: Um, Dilton, this is amazing—but why would you invent something like this?
Panel four: Archie accidentally drops the brain drive as Dilton turns his back to look at the brain scanner. Archie desperately tries to grab the thumb drive out of the air while two mini bots run around and try to catch the brain drive before it hits the ground.
Dilton: I thought of many uses actually:
Dilton: It can be used in courts of law to extract perfect judgment, to keep track of your car keys or various remote controls, but above all—
Panel five: Dilton thoughtfully looks at the brain scanner as one of the mini robots has caught the brain drive as Archie and the other mini-bot breathe a sigh of relief. The mini bot holds the key drive like He-Man holding his sword over his head.
Dilton: To store knowledge, to remember people. Recently, I was reflecting on how we as a society store and maintain movies, buildings, comics—but not the human mind.
Dilton: It just seemed sad to me that people could ever be forgotten.
Panel six: Dilton reaches down and takes the brain drive as Archie is impressed by Dilton.
Archie: Well, it makes sense to me…
Archie: …But what do you need me for?
Panel one: Dilton grins as he looks at Archie and motions behind him to the brain scanner while holding up the brain drive in between his thumb and index finger.
Archie off-panel: Oh…
Panel two: Archie walks over to the brain scanner as several mini-bots with small dusters begins to clean the cushion for him.
Archie: So what exactly do I have to do?
Dilton: Just sit down and do nothing.
Panel three: Archie begins to take his seat on the brain scanner as the mini-bots rush off the brain scanner with a mini-bot helping another mini bot climb over the arm rest before Archie crunches it
Archie: So just do my impersonation of Jughead then?
Panel four: Archie is worried as he looks around at the high tech chair as one mini-bot is dressed like a priest and seems to be giving Archie his last rites. Dilton is working on the computer as he puts the brain drive in a slot on the control panel.
Dilton: But you are comfortable, correct?
Panel one: Dilton continues to program the brain scan as Archie turns to look at him as he works. Two mini bots riding bird bots are racing as one of he bird bots has a banner reading: I DON’T EAT DUST; I VACUUM IT!
Archie: Dilton, why me out of everyone?
Panel two: A close-up on Archie’s face as he is all smiles.
Dilton off-panel: Because you are one of my best friends and a kind and noble soul.
Panel three: Archie’s smile fades as Dilton continues his explanation.
Dilton off-panel: …And everyone else I asked said no with some running and screaming.
Panel four: Dilton begins to lower the scanner helmet over Archie’s head.
Archie: Um, so what exactly is going to happen?
Dilton: It’s quite simple…
Panel five: A close-up on Dilton as he happily goes over what will happen like he is explaining simple addition to a child.
Dilton: The scanner helmet will emit a low dose photon particle wave through the retinas where it will enter into your brain and travel through your synapses collecting electrical pulses your mind emits.
Dilton: And a retractive gamma wave pulse will collect the particle waves and the brain scanner will translate the collected electrical pulses into data—memories, thoughts, dreams, such and such…
Dilton: …Which will be downloaded to the brain drive and be stored.
Panel six: Dilton has thumb pressed across his mouth as he looks down to see a frightened out of his wits Archie slouching down in the brain scanner to avoid the helmet on his head and covering his eyes.
Dilton: Hmm. Upon reflection, future clarifications may be better received with sugarcoating of significant details.
« on: November 16, 2015, 12:05:16 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the same movie theater from The Boy Edition counterpart only with the movie theater being much cleaner and decorated with red and pink heart and kisses and the screen decorated to show the girls put much more effort into it than the boys. Sitting in front of the screen greeting the readers is Betty and Veronica. Betty is tugging at her ponytail to show hints of shyness while Veronica is pushing back her hair and smiling as she strikes a pose.
Betty: Heh, hi, everyone. I’m Betty Cooper and this is my best friend, Veronica Lodge…
Veronica: Charmed I’m sure.
Betty: And last week the boys gave their review on us girls, and ladies, this week it is our turn to critique them!
Panel two: Betty and Veronica are going over what they will be judging and looking for. Betty holds out her left palm and puts her index finger as she recites what she’ll be looking for will Veronica smiles and rolls her eyes upward as she happily recites what she’ll be looking at the most.
Betty: And we’ll be looking for things like personality.
Betty: Can he make me laugh.
Veronica: Does he have rock hard abs.
Panel three: Betty is questioning Veronica over her criteria as Veronica playfully brushes her off.
Betty: You don’t judge a book by its cover, Ronnie.
Veronica: True, but this isn’t a book review, is it now, Bettykins?
Panel one: The screen shows and image of Reggie smiling and pointing two thumbs at himself. Betty rolls her eyes and rotates her two index fingers to show how Reggie can drone on.
Betty: This is Reggie Mantle, Riverdale’s bad boy. He’s also the greatest thing ever if you just ask him. And he’ll tell you all about—hour after hour, day by day.
Panel two: The screen now shows Reggie running in for a touchdown, dunking a basketball, and standing with his father outside of the Riverdale Gazette as Reggie holds up a paper with the headline: REGGIE RULES…and other stuff happened. Veronica motions her head to the screen as she approves of Reggie’s accomplishments.
Veronica: It’s not cocky if you back it up, and he is the star athlete in Riverdale High and his father does own the Riverdale Gazette so he comes from better stock than most.
Panel three: Betty and Veronica are discussing Reggie as the screen shows Reggie scaring both girls with a rubber spider tied to a stick as he snickers at them.
Betty: I can’t argue with any of that, but he is rather immature.
Veronica: Agreed. Always with his pranks and tricks. And you already brought up how arrogant he is. Can you imagine being around someone who is always so full of themselves?
Panel four: Betty stares at Veronica dumbfounded while Veronica is confused.
Veronica: What?! What are you looking at—well, I mean besides perfection of course…
Panel five: Betty holds up nine fingers to show her vote while Veronica points at Betty and nods her head.
Betty: Anyway, while he can be overbearing, life isn’t boring with him around, he is very attractive and, when you get used to him—he’s a great friend. I give Reggie a 9.
Veronica: Why do girls go for bad boys? Because bad boys are hot and fun. I’ll go with a 9 as well.
Panel one: The screen shows a picture of Jughead as he is eating a burger and getting ketchup and grease all over his face and shirt. Betty has a forced smile as you can tell she’s trying to be super nice while Veronica holds her nose and sticks out her tongue.
Betty: This is our good friend—remember that, Veronica!—Jughead Jones. Riverdale’s own food connoisseur.
Veronica: Ew! We’re actually going to waste valuable hunk time on this blight to the human condition.
Panel two: The screen now shows Jughead motioning at his shirt and crown as Betty tries to talk him up.
Betty: He…um, he has a look all his own. He is also smart, loyal, always likes my baked goodies—
Veronica off-panel: He’s a glutton!! He’ll eat rocks if you coat them in chocolate!!
Panel three: The screen now shows Jughead sleeping in class, keeping Archie away from Veronica, and holding up an anti-female sign. Veronica is fuming as she motions at the screen.
Veronica: This little twerp is just the worst. If he’s not eating, he’s sleeping, if he’s not doing both, he’s being a pain to the entire female gender!
Veronica: And look at him! Skinny, long nose, stupid hat, messy hair, and dresses like a hobo who had to settle! I give the wastrel a 2!
Veronica: ---And I’m being generous!!
Panel four: Veronica looks over at Betty a to give her score
Betty: You’re being too hard on poor Juggie.
Panel five: Betty holds her head up high as she stays firm as Veronica loses her temper as she pushes her hands against her forehead like she’s trying to keep her skull from coming out.
Betty: I believe Jughead has a style all his own we don’t understand. And he’s smart, funny, and a great big brother to his sister. I give him a 7
Veronica: You’re too nice to do these reviews properly!!!
Panel one: Veronica, beginning to calm down, is introducing Moose as Moose is on the screen with a dumb smile and waving hello.
Veronica: This is Moose Mason. Riverdale’s gentle giant. Not the smartest, but he is tall, muscular, and a great athlete.
Panel two: The screen shows Moose chasing away several students from Midge as Veronica waves off the screen.
Veronica: He has a quick temper and refuses to let any other guy around his girlfriend, Midge. I don’t know who she can stand it! Only dating one guy? Not for me.
Panel three: The screen shows Moose and Midge holding hands as the walk together and look lovingly in each other’s eyes. Betty cups her hands together and grins at the screen as she can’t help but love what she sees.
Betty: Agreed he goes overboard but…awww. He’s a big teddy bear most of the time! So cute!
Panel four: The screen changes to Moose bending down a tree so a little girl can get her kitten down. Midge gives Moose a kiss on his cheek as he blushes.
Betty: And his strongest muscle is his heart. He’s always helping friends and strangers. And he is so loyal to Midge…I’m kind of jealous, honestly.
Panel five: Betty and Veronica gives their scores as both smile.
Betty: Moose is a great guy. I’ll go 8.
Veronica: I won’t go that high because he is a bit clumsy and the temper, but Midge has excellent taste overall. 7.
Panel one: Veronica is introducing Dilton as an image of Dilton is on the screen. Veronica motions with her hands to the other side of the panel to illustrate her point.
Veronica: And now we go to the other side of the spectrum with resident teen genius Dilton Doiley.
Panel two: Veronica is going over Dilton as the screen has Dilton mixing chemicals, Dilton next to a basketball player to show how short he is and, and a few girls giggling as he walks bye.
Veronica: To get the rough stuff out of the way, I think he is way too short and those glasses are so out of style…
Veronica: But even with that—I think he’s adorkable.
Panel three: Betty is talking as the screen shows Dilton getting several science awards that he can barely hold them and stay upright. Another image on the screen is Dilton fixing an old lady’s toaster as the old lady looks on appreciatively.
Betty: Adorkable is right! Not only is he cute, but he is super intelligent
Betty: Best of all he is so humble. He never rubs his brains in your face.
Betty: You have a problem with a class, he will tutor you and make it so you learn. Something broken? Dilton will fix it and make it better.
Panel four: The screen changes to show Cheryl kissing Dilton on his forehead as Dilton’s ears erupt with small hearts.
Betty: And if you think nerds and nice guys finish last—Cheryl Blossom is his girlfriend. Not the nicest person, but if someone that shallow can see how great Dilton is…
Betty: I give Dilton a 7
Panel five: Betty tries to cover the screen as Veronica scowls at her.
Veronica: I was going to give Dilton a 7 as well-- until you brought up that last tidbit…
Betty: Oops. Sorry, Dilton…!
« on: November 08, 2015, 12:38:18 PM »
Panel one: The setting is a movie theater with a small screen just behind the seated Archie and Jughead. Archie is happy to be there and talking on the subject of the Riverdale girls while Jughead is more focused on the various popcorn, candy, and sodas laying around his seat as he has a bag of popcorn he is already beginning flick bits of popcorn into his mouth.
Archie: Hello, readers. As you all may have noticed that the wonderful town of Riverdale is abundant with lovely ladies. And we’re here to talk about them!
Jughead: Archie’s here for the girls. I’m here for the food.
Panel two: Archie holds up ten fingers as Jughead shakes his head in disapproval.
Archie: We’ll be rating the girls one out of ten and give out thoughts on each Riverdale girl!
Archie: Sounds like fun, right Jug?
Panel three: Jughead has the popcorn bag at his head and is shaking it to get the last popcorn out and to fall on his tongue as he obviously couldn’t care less. Archie glares over at him.
Jughead: If your idea of fun is a root canal and an angry badger down your pants, yeah this will a laughfest.
Panel one: On the screen is a picture of Ginger Lopez as Archie describes her.
Archie: We’ll start with Ginger Lopez. Her father is a chef on the local food channel and she contributes to Teen Sparkle! You want help with fashion, this is where you go!
Panel two: Archie is talking as he has hearts over his head.
Archie: I love the highlights, she’s always friendly and humble, and that beauty mark might as well be the x on the treasure map. She’s a 10!
Panel three: Jughead begins to talk as Jughead points at his hat and wipes off bits of popcorn off his S sweater to illustrate his point.
Jughead: Me and Ginger are actually a lot alike. We’re both fashionitas. She’s never caused me grief, so I’ll give her a five.
Panel four: Archie protests as he points at the screen.
Archie: Just a five?! She’s gorgeous! Open your eyes, Jughead!
Panel five: Jughead slumps in his chair as Archie just waves his hands in disgust.
Jughead: Why? Everybody looks the same to me. It’s fair to all.
Archie: Be even fairer—keep your mouth shut.
Panel one: Midge is now on the screen as Archi talks about her.
Archie: This is Midge. Moose’s longtime girlfriend. She is a black belt in karate, cheerleader, and aspires to be a stunt double.
Panel two: Archie goes into detail as he lovingly looks up at the screen not noticing the giant looming figure just behind him. Jughead does as he sits up straight and his legs accidentally knock over various theater treats at his feet.
Archie: She has a sweet, but stern temperament about her. Her hair better shows off her face and neck, she has a wonderful smile, and because of her relationship with Moose, she’s seen as the holy grail of Riverdale--
Panel three: Jughead leaps to his feet as he holds up both hands as Archie begins to look behind him as he sees Moose glaring down at him.
Jughead: TEN! She’s a ten, but myself and Archie say this with no intents whatsoever of pursuing her because her and Moose and the perfect couple!
Archie: Uh…what he said--!!
Panel four: Moose walks away as he pats Archie’s head in approval and gives Jughead a thumbs up. Jughead responds with weakly giving him two thumbs up.
Moose: Duh, that’s a great review! I’ll tell her all the nice things you two said about her!
Jughead: And we said it as friends…!!
Archie: Yeah! Remember that always!
Panel one: Archie tries to calm down as loosens his shirt collar. Jughead is slumped in his chair to the point he’s barely still in his chair.
Archie: Um, let’s talk about Nancy…
Jughead: Yeah. Let’s talk about the girl with the non-hulk like boyfriend.
Panel two: Archie is talking about Nancy as he shows off a poorly drawn picture he has painted that is dripping wet.
Archie: Also a cheerleader for Riverdale High. She is also into watercolor paints and is always willing to give a helping hand. I give her an eight.
Panel three: Jughead is drinking from a soda as Archie impatiently waits for Jughead to chime in.
Archie: --What do you think, Jughead?
Panel four: Jughead holds out the soft drink as Archie rolls his eyes in annoyance.
Jughead: I think they really watered down this soda!
Panel five: Archie points at the screen as Jughead goes back to drinking his soda as he barely even cares to comment.
Jughead: Oh. Her. Um, I guess five.
Jughead: --But I really do have a problem with these sodas. Maybe the ice is melting too quick…?
« on: October 30, 2015, 01:21:55 PM »
Has anybody read the story with her in it? I think it was in Jughead and Friends issue 18.
« on: October 23, 2015, 10:22:45 PM »
Panel one: A shot of a full moon in a star lit night as several nearby stars twinkle various colors. A cloud in the sky is shaped like a jack-o-lantern close to the moon and the eyes and mouth are illuminated by the moonlight.
Caption: A full moon night on all Hallow’s Eve.
Panel two: A high angle view of Riverdale as the moonlight shines down on a suburban area of town where the houses have various Halloween decorations set up on or around their house.
Caption: And this is Riverdale during a full moon night on All Hallow’s Eve. It seems quite and docile like any other night…but is it really?
Panel three a close up on Riverdale High School. The Riverdale High School sign has a sign with lettering reading: No Bringing Candy To Classes—ESPECIALLY YOU JUGHEAD! Right next to the flag pole is a stack of hay with a scarecrow dressed as a Riverdale football player sitting down. The doors and windows of the school have various decorations of ghosts and witches pasted on them.
Caption: Studies show that on a night like this, nightmares abound in the hearts and minds of the young and innocent.
Caption: But we won’t know that for sure unless we see if
ARCHIE AND FRIENDS ARE HAVING TWENTY LITTLE NIGHTMARES.
Panel one: Archie is watching TV in his living room as the news is on as the police are arresting a scar faced dolphin on a pogo stick and leading him out of Riverdale City Hall in shackles; the pogo stick has a ball and chain clamped to it as the evil dolphin sneers.
TV: --And after a fifteen hour stand off the evil dolphin has been apprehended.
Archie: Well, that’s one crisis solved!
Panel two: The TV now shows a newsflash as a male reporter is trying to hide from a zombiefied female that is lurking behind him. He has his hands and notes covering his head as he puts his chin on the table.
Reporter: Aack! Breaking news!
Reporter: A comet has collided with a chemical vat containing love potion number nine! Resulting in all the girls you have ever dated becoming zombies bent on eating you!!
Panel three: Archie turns the TV off as he begins to perspire. Off to the left we can see the front door as it is beginning to be hammered on.
Archie: “All the girls you have ever dated?”
SFX: BANG BANG
Panel four: Zombified versions of all the female teenage characters and various other teenage girls have tore thru the entire wall of the Archie house led by a zombie Betty and zombie Veronica as they point at a frightened Archie. The zombie girls have their arms out straight and their heads titled with their eyes blank and walking like puppets on strings (ala the old Night of the Living dead.)
Betty: When Archie Andrews double and triple dates on a Saturday night—
Veronica: --The zombie girlfriends will walk the earth for revenge!!
Archie: Great Gasping Ghouls!
Panel five: A close up on a sleeping Archie as he is tossing and turning in his bed. In his sleep he is reaching over and knocking down a picture of Betty and Veronica on a nearby stand just next to his alarm clock. His other hand is at his neck to show him shielding himself in his nightmare. Vegas is lying at his feet and raises his head to see what is wrong with Archie.
Archie: …hickies…horrible, horrible hickies…!
Panel one: Dilton is running in a high tech factory as four metal clamps are stretching after him. As he runs, shelves of various computer and robot parts stretch endlessly. Several of the parts look like heads or eyes following him with their lights.
Dilton: I’m not a mad scientist, but I’m highly irritated right now!!
Panel two: The mechanical clamps grasp Dilton by his arms and legs.
Voice: Dilton acquired. Process: One of us engaged!
Panel three: Six more mechanical clamps appear and grab robot parts (arms, legs, chest plate, and empty robot head) from the shelves, as the original clamps hoist Dilton in the air as he struggles vainly to free himself
Dilton: Stop! I’m human! Biological! A creator not a creation! I’m not a machine!
Panel four: The mechanical clamps have placed the robotic arms, legs, and chest plate over Dilton as another clamp begins to place the robot head over Dilton as Dilton can only look up in pure terror as he is within seconds of becoming a robot.
Voice: Observation: Noted. Logic: Sound. Solution: Simple.
Dilton: No! No! No!!!
Panel five: Dilton is in his high tech bed as he is twisting and turning as various miniature robots are trying to keep the covers on him. Dilton has two sensors on his forehead as a monitor on nearby stand with his glasses is showing his brain waves rising as the nightmare continues.
Panel one: Shrill is in a room decorated entirely in pink. The couches, curtains, walls, floor and even a foot stool. Shrill looks around in disgust at the decore.
Shrill: What is this? And why is everything pink?
Panel two: Shrill turns around as someone talks behind her.
Off-panel: Because pink is for girls, you silly silly!
Panel three: Shrill turns around to see three identical middle aged blond haired women dressed in pink dresses, slippers, and socks, as they all hold identical clothing and approach Shrill with them as Shrill backs away into a wall.
Woman in pink one: Look at you all black and gloomy. We’ll have to fix that!
Shrill: Wait! Hold up! You three just keep your distance and---
Panel four: A close-up on Shrill as she has been completely changed. She now has blond hair tied into a ponytail, rosey red cheeks, blue eyes, and is wearing the pink dress, pink socks, and pink slippers as she looks like she’s about to cry. The three women look on in the background with heir hands clamped as they love Shrill’s new look.
Woman in pink: Now that is just adorable!
Woman in pink two: She’s so cute!
Woman in pink three: She’s no goth! She’s a valley girl!
Panel five: A shot inside of Shrill’s room as the walls are painted black and her bed sheets are black and purple as she is still sleeping but is keeping her face covered. On her bed is a goth teddy bear.
Shrill: Where’s my white foundation primer…?
Shrill: …And don’t call me Avalon…!!!
Panel one: Vic is finding himself lying inbetween two life sized gingerbread men on a white sheet as he has no idea how he got there.
Vic: Where am I--?
Vic: And why am I asking you guys?
Panel two: Vic looks up wide eyed in sheer terror.
Panel three: A child and her mother are standing in front of a display of gingerbread man as the little boy points at Vic as it is revealed to the reader that Vic is inside of Mama B (his aunt’s bakery) Bakery, set alongside the gingerbread men, as the mother is reaching into her purse to pay Vic’s aunt. Vic is beginning to run away as he leaps over the gingerbread man to his left as it waves bye-bye to him.
Mama B: Child, you go ahead and pick your treat!
Boy: I want that big one!
Panel four: Big Vic begins to run off the display as the boy chases after Vic as Vic is now turned into a gingerbread man. The boy is biting down on his teeth to show what he plans to do to Vic once he catches him.
Boy: When I get you, I’m gonna bite your arms off, then your legs and then your head!
Panel five: A shot of Big Vic having his nightmare as he is kicking up his bed sheets as his arms and legs are moving about as if he is running as he is flat on his back. On his bed are various baking magazines that are spread open on his bed.
Big Vic: …run run run as fast as I can!!....
Panel one: Trula Twyst is strapped to a table in an operating room as she looks towards a hunched over surgeon wearing scrubs and mask washing his hands. An attachment on the operating table has a tray with a scalpel and black marker on it.
Trula Twyst: What is this?! What’s going on?!
Panel two: The surgeon turns around as he can be identified by his long nose as Jughead
Jughead: Well, you’re always trying to figure out how the human mind works, so I thought I’d take a stab at it.
Panel three: Jughead is using one hand to move back Trula’s hair to draw dots on her forehead to show where he plans on cutting as Trula looks up and begins to sweat.
Trula: …I know this is a nightmare. And I’m going to make myself wake up…!
Trula: …any time now! C’mon!
Panel four: Jughead has the scalpel in his hand as he prepares to use it as Trula goes wide-eyed and is biting her lower lip as she is completely terrified.
Jughead: Let’s see how you like it when someone pokes and prods you brains.
Panel five: A close up on Trula as she is having her nightmare and has her arms wrapped around her head to give the reader and idea of what is happening in the nightmare. On her bed are several psychology magazines and a notebook with a drawing of Jughead with is brain outlined.
Trula: …this is not how psychology works…!!
« on: October 17, 2015, 10:56:11 PM »
Panel one: Jughead leaving his decorated for Halloween house as he is eating a bag of mini-sized chocolate bars with the bag reading: Cosmo’s Chocolate Merriment Bars. The Jones house is decorated with skeletons that have Jughead’s hat and the Jones long nose and rubbing their rib bones as they look down at frightened for their lives jack-o-lantern. On the Jones door is a sign reading: If you decide trick, fry the eggs. With Bacon. Flying overhead is a bat looking at a random red flower growing in the Jones yard.
Jughead: Ah, that most wonderful time of the year where people go about and eat all the candy they want. Even going to friends and strangers homes to get it!
Jughead: Yes, a typical day for me, but it’s nice that others get in on the act.
Panel two: Jughead rolls his eyes as he is being addressed off-panel by someone
Off-panel: Lies! This is the most horrible, disgusting time of the year!
Jughead: Of course, when people are happy with what they eat--
Panel three: Jughead sighs as he continues to walk onward as Googie Gilmore confronts her. Googie Gilmore is wearing a T-shirt of an apple, an orange, and brochli crushing a candy bar with lettering reading: Eating Healthy Is The Real Treat.
Jughead: --You can count on my next door neightbor/ health nut of Riverdale---Googie Gilmore to take the sugar out of the chocolate of life!
Googie Gilmore: You shouldn’t even be eating sugar-free chocolate!
Panel one: Jughead is beginning to eat another piece of candy as Googie Gilmore snatches it out of thin air.
Googie Gilmore: Do you know what you are doing to your body with this one miniature candy bar?
Panel two: Jughead is rubbing his stomach as Googie Gilmore leers at him.
Jughead: Filling my tummy with yummy.
Panel three: Googie Gilmore holds the candy bar up to Jughead’s face with her thumb and index finger as Jughead looks on.
Googie Gilmore: Do you know how many miles you’d have to run just to burn off the calories from this one mini-bar?!
Panel four: Jughead turns to the reader in a “can you believe this lunatic” expression as Googie Gilmore doesn’t notice as she is still stating her case.
Googie Gilmore: One mile! One mile for this one mini-bar!
Panel five: Googie looks on in confusion as Jughead has his index finger curled around his thumb.
Googie Gilmore: What in the world are you doing?
Panel six: Jughead flicks the mini-bar into Googie’s mouth as Googie’s eyes bulge and her face goes pale.
Panel one: Googie Gilmore runs off like the hounds of hell are baying for her soul as she hurries to run off the calories as Jughead looks on with a smile.
Googie Gilmore: Ack! My body! It’s been polluted!!
Panel two: Jughead looks on with a smile as he curls up the chocolate bag and twirls it around in his right hand.
Jughead: I guess all I need to do to get rid of Googie in all future encounters is to feed her chocolate.
Panel three: Jughead stops twirling the bag as he realizes what he just said and has a look mixed with shame and shock.
Panel four: Jughead goes back to eating his chocolate as he continues to walk down the sidewalk.
Jughead: No girl is worth that heavy a price.
Panel five: Jughead is thinking back to the Trial of Jughead Jones story as the background is Cynthia, the main antagonist from that fan fic, spinning a tied up to a chair Jughead around and around as a teenage judge looks on.
Jughead: --Except maybe that Cynthia!
Jughead: You throw one girl into the mud and she grows up into this crazy lunatic who wants to ruin your life.
Panel six: Jughead tosses another piece of candy into his mouth as he casually talks to himself. Over head a vampire bat is trying to give a red flower to a blushing female bat wearing a pink ribbon.
Jughead: Y’know, if this was a comic, and me just mentioning her, she’d probably show up and cause me some sort of grief.
Jughead: Good thing this is just a horrible fan fiction.
Caption: I am just trying to entertain people!! Why does everyone not like me?!
Panel one: In a suburban section still with Googie near a picket fence. Googie Gilmore is bent over after running nonstop to quickly burn off the calories from the candy bar as a teenage female silhouette looks on from the shadows similar to a scene from Halloween.
Googie Gilmore: That Jughead Jones!!
Googie: No not just him, but Halloween! This holiday just promotes bad health! If I could, I’d do away with Halloween in Riverdale!
Panel two: Googie Gilmore turns her head as Cynthia steps out of the shadows to address her. From behind a bush a small boy with big blue glasses listens on.
Cynthia: I might be able to help with that.
Googie: Who are you?
Cynthia: My name is Cynthia. And anyone who wants to make that wastrel Jughead Jones miserable in anyway…can consider me a friend.
Panel three: Googie Gilmore shrugs her shoulders in response to Cynthia’s comment.
Cynthia: And I like the idea of doing away with Halloween. That would really hurt Jughead.
Googie Gilmore: I don’t want to hurt Jughead, I want to make him to learn healthier traits to better his life.
Googie Gilmore: Besides the only one who could abolish Halloween in Riverdale is the mayor and…um, I’m not his favorite person.
Panel four: Cynthia holds out her hand for Googie Gilmore to shake to cement their alliance as the small boy with blue frame glasses looks on from the bushes in great alarm.
Cynthia: But my father is. He’s Mayor Glibb’s biggest financial benefactor. I’m sure we can…persuade him to do the right thing.
Panel five: Googie Gilmore shakes Cynthia’s hand as the boy with blue glasses looks on in sheer terror.
Googie Gilmore: Let’s do it! After all, we’re only doing what’s best for Riverdale--
Cynthia: --And what’s best for Riverdale is what’s worse for Jughead Jones!!
Panel one: Jughead is lying in his hammock in the back of his yard as several piles of leaves have been raked up. A small pile of leaves is on Jughead’s chest. Jughead has his hat over his eyes. Beneath the hammock is Hot Dog sleeping as he has dyed his fur orange and has painted his stomach to look like a jack-o-lantern.
Jughead: Sigh. An object at rest cannot stop.
Panel two: Jughead hears several voices talking to him as the lifts his hat off his closed eyes with a finger as he turns to his left.
Off-panel: Mr. Jughead! Mr. Jughead!
Off-panel: Wake up! We got problems!
Jughead: You’ve got problems? I can’t stay asleep with you shouting.
Panel three: Jughead turns his head to his left to see two small boys and a girl. One of the small boys is the one with the blue frame glasses, the other boy has spikey blond hair and is wearing a tiger t-shirt and jeans, and a girl with blond hair tied in pig tails with a shirt of Super Duck. In the background over the kid with glasses is him dressed as a robot, the spikey haired kid has himself dressed as a Nuclear Samurai Tiger Biker over him and the small girl has herself dressed as a pizza over her.
Jughead: My Halloween route. What brings you elementary lads and lady to my backyard? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for Halloween?
Panel four: Jughead sits up from the hammock as yawns and stretches his arms as he tries to wake himself up. Benny is talking as Ryan points at him. Suzie notices Hot Dog and begins to pet him to Hot Dog’s delight. Ryan is eyeing a pile of leaves as he talks.
Benny: But there might not be a Halloween! Some girl and another girl want to abolish it!
Ryan: And get rid of it too!
Panel five: Benny is describing the girls as he points at Suzie’s hair to illustrate what the girls looked like. Ryan jumps into the pile of leaves as he couldn’t resist. Jughead has a thought balloon of Googie and Cynthia only with devil beard, fanged smiling teeth, and small red devil horns in addition.
Benny: One girl liked to run and complain about candy and the other didn’t like you at all! They both had blond hair like Suzie!
Suzie: But not me! I’m not one of them! I like candy and you!
« on: October 03, 2015, 12:38:40 PM »
And for anyone who hasn't read part one:http://www.archiefans.com/fan-fiction/betty-veronica-in-the-legend-of-scary-mary/
Panel one: The setting is a hallway in Riverdale High with the walls aligned with lockers. The following should be seen from the perspective of someone wearing a mask. Betty Cooper is at her locker as she is preparing to open it. She is waving goodbye Midge and Nancy as they prepare to leave Riverdale High. Above the lockers are several Halloween signs. On several lockers are Halloween decorations of ghosts, goblins, or witches.
Betty thinking: This is always a fun time of year. Veronica’s annual Halloween Hullabaloo party and dressing up in some sort of costume and just having fun for the night!
Panel two: Still seen from the eyes of a mask as Betty still has not noticed the person approaching her as she is putting her books away at her locker.
Betty thinking: …Course after what happened last year, I’ve been a little spooked. I mean, it’s not every day when you’ve met a ghost named--
Panel three: Still from the perspective of the person wearing the mask as he or she is closer to Betty. Betty tenses up as she finally notices someone approaching her.
Panel four: Still through the eyes of the mask as Betty screams in fright and backs towards her open locker and begins to fall inside as she is absolutely terrified of who is in front of her.
A one shot of “Scary Mary” in the Riverdale Hall way as she is standing in front of Betty. Betty has fallen into her locker and is shielding her face with her hands “Scary Mary” looks different from her last appearance as the porcelain mask is much less detailed at the lower face, the pink dress is slightly different, and the blond hair is longer and stringier and she is wearing different boots. Betty is trying to kick “Scary Mary” away as Scary Mary just stares down at her.
Betty: SCARY MARY!!!
Panel one: “Scary Mary” looks on as Betty Cooper covers her face with her hands as she tries to back further into her locker to no avail.
Betty: You—you wouldn’t want my face! I have dry skin! You don’t want that hassle!!
Panel two: Betty closes her eyes, covers them with her hands, and grits her teeth as she prepares for the worse.
Panel three: Betty Cooper eases up as she is surprised to hear Scary Mary talk in a familiar voice. Betty spreads her fingers apart as she opens her eyes.
“Scary Mary” off-panel: That’s because you don’t moisturize. A dab of coconut oil on the go does wonders, Bettykins.
Panel four: Veronica takes off the mask and wig as she is smiling ear to ear as she obviously had the time of her life with her prank.
Veronica: Or you could borrow my mask. What do you say, Betty?
Panel five: Betty is stomping towards Veronica with her face twisted in rage and her fists balled up as Veronica timidly backs away.
Betty: I say I’m going to break that mask across your hoity-toity head!
Veronica: Let's not do anything crazy that you’ll regret…
Betty: I won’t! You will!
Panel one: Betty Cooper is leaning towards the cowering Veronica as Veronica uses the Scary Mary mask to shield herself.
Veronica: Betty Cooper! I never would believe you could be so mean spirited!!
Panel two: A flash back of The Delmont Mansion as Betty, Veronica, Ethel, and Chloe first entered inside. A caption is overhead with Betty’s face on it.
Betty caption: “Mean spirited”?! That’s exactly what happened last year when we accepted a dare from Cheryl Blossom to go in the old Delmont Mansion…
Panel three: A flashback shot of Scary Mary hovering over the girls during their first meeting. Along the hall are various portraits of people with their faces ripped off. The only color in any of the flashbacks is this panel where Scary Mary’s eyes have small glows of ember in them.
Betty caption: …Where we encountered Scary Mary!
Panel four: A flashback of Betty, Veronica, Ethel, Chloe, Cheryl Blossom, and Ginger Lopez being cornered by Scary Mary as they all huddle together in fright as Scary Mary begins to reach towards Betty and Veronica.
Veronica caption: Yes, Betty, I remember the evil ghost that wanted to take one of our faces.
Panel five: A shot of the girls running out of Delmont Mansion. Inside of the mansion through the still open doors, Scary Mary shrieks in anger and various furniture smashes against the floor and wall to reflect her rage.
Betty caption: Then you remember that we all barely got out of there by the dimples on our cheeks!
Panel one: Betty is still lecturing Veronica as Veronica turns her head defiantly.
Betty: Why would you do something like this after what we went through??
Veronica: Hmph. Unlike some, I don’t plan to live my life in fear of anything forever.
Panel two: Veronica is talking to Betty as Betty begins to calm down. Veronica points the mask at Betty as she makes her points.
Veronica: Are we not alive and well?
Veronica: Is that nasty ghost trapped in her dank, dreary den?
Betty: Well, she never came after us—
Veronica: Do I or you plan on every going back?
Betty: I’d rather run into a dynamite factory with a lit sparkler!
Panel three: Veronica smiles at Betty as she begins to smile back.
Veronica: And there you go.
Betty: Well, okay, when you put it that way…
Panel four: Betty points at the mask as Veronica rolls her eyes as she reluctantly concedes that she might have gone overboard.
Betty: But that’s still a horrible trick to play on your best friend!
Veronica: Sigh, I suppose it was a tad in bad taste and not thought-out …
Panel five: Veronica and Betty walk down the hallway as they talk. Veronica has her nose stuck up and is flipping her hair back as her entire body language shows how self-centered she is being.
Veronica: To make amends, I’ll let you have the first dance with Archie tonight.
Betty: “Let me”? My, how gracious of you.
Veronica: Yes, it is, isn’t it?
Panel six: Betty is talking with Veronica as Veronica waves off her concern.
Betty: You’ve actually been able to talk with Archie? Because lately he seems like he’s been avoiding—
Veronica: I’m the most beautiful girl in Riverdale and you’re a close second. What could possible keep Archie Andrews from us?
« on: August 08, 2015, 07:30:26 PM »
Part one: Roads and the Journey.
Page 1 (The entire page is a flashback so everything should be colored blue and black save for when noted)
Panel one: Archie is picking up the note from “Who is Waiting.”
Caption: You ever have one of those days where you expect the same old-same old?
Caption: That’s what I thought today was going to be. A typical run of the mill day for one Archie Andrews.
Panel two: A shot of Archie outside and walking into the Chocklit Shoppe cautiously as it has a sign on it that reads: On vacation, be back this weekend –Pop Tate. P.S. But still don’t eat at Segarini’s. His pizza is gummy!
Caption: I found a note under my door and figured it was from one of my friends…
Panel three: A shot from inside where Archie is being greeted by Married with Veronica verse Dilton Doiley who is sitting at the counter of the Chocklit Shoppe. On the counter are various straws forming a diagram where one end of a straw connects to two more and so on and so on as it stretches to the end of the counter.
Caption: …It turns out it was from an older, alternate universe Dilton Doiley who needed my help in defeating a cosmic threat that endangered the entire multiverse!
Panel four: A shot of the entire universe going white (and should be white in contrast to the blue and black of the rest of the flashback) and being erased as Archie and Prof Dilton look on in horror as they watch Riverdale being erased.
Caption: But it was too late for my universe…
Panel five: Archie and Prof Dilton are teleported inside of his small space ship as Prof. Dilton heads for the controls. Archie looks around at the high tech ship and the monitors displaying several versions of himself.
Caption: We escaped and I have no idea where we’re going, where we are, or what can we do.
Caption: …And that reminds me….
Page 2 + 3
Inside of the space ship as Archie is walking past several monitors on his left and his right. Each side has three monitors. The right side has Red Andrews from the Explorers of the Unknown, Ace Andrews, The Road Racer, and Weird Mystery Archie each fighting off a villain. Red Andrews is fighting Myron Pepperdinkle, Road Racer is in his high tech car riding down villains in a hovertank, and Weird Mystery Archie is trapping a phantom in a bottle
On the left side monitors: Pureheart is defeating The Collector, An Afterlife Archie, like Afterlife with Archie only he wears a trenchcoat with a sword and ball bat strapped to his back, is defeating a zombified Sabrina Spellman, and Archie 1 (with a sloped brow) is on top of a T-rex and knocking it senseless with a club.
Archie is walking towards Dilton and an empty seat next to him. On the monitor screen overhead is nine layers with several dots connected by various lines as Dilton is using them to guide him. Stuck in a compartment to his right is a white crystal giving off the tiniest of spark. On the computers and controls are various gizmos and displays showing different wave frequencies and quantum equations. The AI hologram is now a smiley face wearing pilot hat and goggles with a scarf as he talks to Professor Doiley (Veronica Marries verse Dilton) Outside the main window bridge it seems like they are traveling down a tunnel of swirling energy and colors as they follow a small white path that leads them along.
Archie: Um, “Dilton”, what exactly is all this and what is going on?!
Prof. Dilton: Yes, we should be safe for the foreseeable future…
AI: Auto pilot engaged. I’ll handle everything from here, Professor Doiley.
Panel one: Archie is beginning to sit down as he moves a newspaper out of his seat and sets it on a display in front of him. The AI hologram phases through the newspaper but is visibly annoyed at Archie. The headline for the newspaper reads: GOOD GUYS OF THE GALAXY SAVE…THE GALAXY. Archie juggles and nearly drops a small purple capsule that Prof. Dilton tosses at him.
Prof. Dilton off-panel:--But first I need you to please swallow this.
Panel two: Archie examines the pill in his two fingers. Prof. Dilton is closing slot on the front of the control panel containing several more of those pills.
Archie: What is this? A vitamin?
Panel three: Dilton is talking and explaining what the QM-pill is.
Prof. Dilton: That is a QM-pill. We are currently traveling on a brane to another universe. Each different universe--or bubble as I like to call them--contains different laws of physics and tachyon flows that may conflict with our own.
Panel four: Archie scratches his head as he has no idea what Dilton is talking about.
Archie; Um, what does that mean?
Prof. Dilton: It means, without the QM-pill, you risk your neutrons reaching critical mass, your electrons stagnating, and protons fracturing resulting in every molecule of your being imploding.
Panel five: Dilton is reaching down at his seat as a water dispenser complete with small plastic cups begins to extend out of a slot. Which isn’t needed as Archie is already beginning to swallow the pill as he practically shoves it down his mouth with his palm.
Prof Dilton: Would you like some water?
Archie: No! I’m good!
Panel one: Archie is talking with Prof. Dilton as Prof. Dilton acknowledges Archie’s confusion. As he talks, his onboard computer begins to respond to his command.
Archie: Um, hold up. You were talking branes, bubbles and other universes…?
Prof. Dilton: Yes. I can see that some explanation is in order.
Prof. Dilton: Computer, open file 0245.
Ship AI: Yes, Professor Doiley. Tutorial for dumb-dumbs loading.
Panel two: On the monitor ahead of them the nine layers begin to line up alongside one another and several dots and lines are connecting within each layer with a black spot serving as a bridge for each dimension. In the middle is a golden castle that has a dark blue line connecting to each dimension.
Prof. Dilton: I trust you have heard of multiverses?
Archie: In comics.
Archie: Lots and lots of comics lately.
Panel one: The monitor begins to light up the nine layers representing the nine dimensions.
Prof. Dilton: To begin, there are nine dimensions and each dimension…
Panel two: Zoom in on one of the dimension displays to show a multitude of bubbles and dots representing various universes connected by to each other like a mad connect the dots.
Prof. Dilton: …has an ever increasing amount of universes. As I stated, I like to call each universe a bubble and each are connected to one another by branes, pathways to each universe.
Panel Three: Archie happily comments as Prof. Dilton humors Archie. Archie should be acting like he’s the smartest kid in the class as he has his hand up to signal the teacher.
Archie: Oh oh, branes are wormholes!
Dilton: …Well, literal wormholes are the burrowings of soft, slender invertebrates, but pop cultural terminology—yes you can call them wormholes if you prefer.
Panel four: Archie holds up the newspaper as Prof Dilton compliments Archie on his assessment of the information.
Archie: …So let’s say each page for a newspaper is a dimension—that would make each word a universe? Am I in the ball park, Dilt…?
Prof. Dilton: Each speck of ink would be a closer approximation, but you have the general idea.
« on: July 22, 2015, 09:40:17 AM »
Panel one: The setting is the interior of the Andrews home as Vegas is barking at the front door as a note has been placed under the door. Archie turns his head to notice the letter and stops just before he’s about to walk into a skate with a banana peel over it. Sitting on the couch is Fred Andrews as he sips a small cup of coffee as he reads The Riverdale Gazette. On the front page is a picture of a clown with the headline reading: ANNOYING CLOWN ON THE LOOSE!!
Vegas: Yarf bark!
Archie: A note?
Panel two: Archie begins pick up the note as Vegas decides it’s a good idea to get rid of the skate with the banana over it as he uses his nose to push it along. Outside of the house, the clown from the newspaper is looking inside of the Riverdale House through a window as he waves hello with a rubber chicken.
Archie: I wonder who it’s from and why couldn’t they have just texted me?
Panel three: Archie looks down at the letter as it reads: MEET ME AT THE CHOCKLIT SHOPPE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
Panel four: Archie looks at the note with one hand and scratches his head in confusion as he studies the page.
Archie: Oh. It’d be less ominous.
Panel one: Archie examines the letter as his nose is literally touching it.
Archie: Weird. The handwriting looks familiar, but I can’t sniff out whose it is.
Panel two: Archie begins to turn the letter over to see the back.
Archie: Looks like there’s something on the back too.
Panel three: Archie looks over at the back to see it has the following:
An equation (AmB +AmV)-A =0
The words: THE BIG CRUNCH
Various 9s scribbled around the page with half of them marked over with an X
Several diagrams of circles and lines connecting them.
A’s with the infinity symbol next to them.
The phrase: there should only be one oF hiM
Panel three: Archie dismisses it nonchalantly as he shoves the note into his pocket.
Archie: Eh, just jibberish with a dash of jabber.
Panel four: Archie shoves the note into his pocket as he walks out the door.
Archie: But my curiosity is piqued. And it won’t kill me to stretch my legs. And it could really be important.
Panel one: Archie is walking along a sidewalk as he has his head up and is thinking. Following him is the clown on a unicycle.
Archie: And it gives me time to try and think who wrote the note.
Panel two: Archie has a thought balloon of Reggie over his head sneering at him.
Archie: Could be Reggie.
Panel three: A panel of Archie’s thought as Archie is walking into the Chocklit Shoppe and a bucket of water placed above the door frame is about to fall right on his head as Reggie points and laughs from inside.
Archie: Hmph. Maybe I’ll just go back home!
Panel four: Archie is startled when he hears a voice to
Moose off-panel: Duh, you get back here, ya sneak!
Panel five: Reggie is running past Archie as Moose is chasing him with both fists raised in the air. The Annoying Clown is making a giant octopus out of several multi-colored balloons as he looks up and laughs.
Moose: You can’t run forever!
Reggie: With the right motivation I bet I can!!
Panel six: Archie continues along nonchalantly as this is just a typical occurrence. The balloon octopus looks like it is attacking the annoying clown.
Archie: Can’t be Reggie. He was too busy filling out his death certificate.
Panel one: Archie is walking along the sidewalk as he has a thought balloon of Veronica over his head as he smiles and has hearts for eyes.
Archie: Maybe it was from (sigh) Veronica!
Panel two: Archie’s thought as Archie is meeting Veronica in the Chocklit Shoppe as Archie is wearing a suit, tie, and his hair slicked back and is thinking of himself as overly cool.
Archie: What is it, beloved?
Veronica; Oh, love of my life, father plans on moving away! We’ll never see each other ever again!
Panel three: Still Archie’s imagination as Veronica is holding super suave Archie hand hand in desperation.
Veronica: But I won’t let him! That’s why I’ve bought an island far away! I’ve hired an independent pilot to take us there! Tell me you’ll come! I can’t bear to be without my Archiekins!
Panel four: Still Archie’s imagination as he (with twice as many muscles) and Veronica are in bathing suits and lying on the beach as Veronica has Archie’s head in her lap and he is smiling ear to ear.
Archie: Best decision I ever made!
Panel five: Archie is walking along with a goofy grin as he continues to the main district of Riverdale. Several people move out of Archie’s way and even more people have to move out of the way of the annoying clown who is on a pogo stick and using both hands to play paddle ball and is hitting various people on their heads with the ball and string.
Archie: Best dream I ever had!
Panel one: Archie has a thought balloon of Betty over his head as he looks up and smiles.
Archie: Could be Betty. Putting notes under a guy’s door is something cute she would do!
Panel two: Archie’s imagination as he is strolling inside of the Chocklit Shoppe as Betty is rushing towards him.
Betty: Oh, Archie! My parents are moving!
Panel three: Archie is talking as Betty shakes her head.
Archie: So you have a private island we can go to and live the rest of our lives in peace, right?
Panel four: Betty suddenly puts handcuffs on her and Archie as Archie reacts in alarm.
Betty: But I do have these!!
Panel five: Betty raises her handcuffed fist into the air and strikes a victory pose as Archie is nearly jerked off his feet.
Betty: Now you have to go with me! We’ll be together forever!
Panel six: Back to reality as Archie shakes his head. The annoying clown is spraying business man in a three piece suit with a giant seltzer bottle.
Archie: Wait. I live next door. I’d know if she was moving.
Archie: …And where would she get the handcuffs?
« on: July 18, 2015, 06:44:27 PM »
Red Fever, a druglord on the run, has plans on setting up shop in Riverdale. The problem, the feds have called in The Punisher to bring him in to obtain all his connections. But hitmen also have their sights on Red and Riverdale. Who can help out The Punisher—Archie Andrews of course. Dopplegangers, a kidnapped heiress, and the most unlikely partnership ever await!
1. The art. You have one of the most recognized Punisher artists in Jon Buscema and one of the most recognized Archie artists in Stan Goldberg drawing for each of their own characters—and it works really well! It helps that both are on the top of their games. Every character each artist draws in wonderful and when the styles mix it works because both are that great. But I think what really helps is Tom Palmer who does an excellent job as the inker. He has two different styles and two different type story elements separate and meshing and his inks really enhance the art. The Punisher is more gritty while Archie is more light and whimsical and when the character interact, you completely ignore that a panel has two artists because and are from two different universes because it still finds a way to seem natural. This is wonderful work from all three.
2. Barry Grossman. He’s simply one of the best colorists ever. The colors on this are amazing and again, he’s balancing two different type stories that are coming together. You have Punisher coloring being dark, the Archie coloring you would expect, and when the characters meet and share the page—It reminds me of his work on TMNT Adventures.
3. Batton Lash. I’ve never read any other work from Lash, which is a shame because he does an extremely good job with making this story work. You can’t have The Punisher killing people because it would clash with the Archie environment. So…The Feds want Red Fever alive and The Punisher agrees because then he can get information from him too. A rival gang is in his sight but Microchip convinces him to tail them to find the rest of them. And the Punisher is still violent as he punches, kicks, and shoots at the bad guys. Heck, he even beats up a few cops who get in his way. And I can buy into this because the story and the characters make sense of it; The Punisher isn’t killing anyone but you get “Yeah, he could if he wanted.” Lash handles The Archie verse equally well and has a great understanding of the characters. Archie is a hamfisted clutz who finds himself in this mess because of his resemblance to Red Fever, Veronica is Veronica and takes Red Fever to the dance to make Archie jealous and shows she’s not some helpless damsel in distress, Betty is caring, Jughead is hungry and sticks with Archie, and Reggie is arrogant. And the logic for the story is there too. Archie goes to the police to tell them what is going on, but they don’t believe him because…well, he’s the boy who cried wolf and they decide to take him to the dance to get him out of their hair. There isn’t a single character that is written wrong and the story flows wonderfully. And I love the Erik Larsen approach where set up something, you turn the page, BANG there it is. And you have to love Punisher’s war journals entries and the Archie characters following suit with Archie giving it a go and Betty writing in her diary. This is all just brilliant work.
4. The Punisher. I’m going to be honest. I never really liked The Punisher. I always thought he was boring. I mean during this time period he had helpers like Microchip (What Marvel did to you is unforgivable) to give him kind of a angel on his shoulder, but mostly he’s just a boring thug. But when he gets to Riverdale you have this wonderful scene where he gets out and Microchip comments on a family and sees the life that Frank Castle could have had. It was fun seeing the character development of The Punisher going from “Riverdale is going to be bad” to wanting to make sure it stays pure and even forgo his usual methods. There’s even a page where he’s going through Riverdale High and looks moved at a poster on the wall reading: It’s up to you to keep Riverdale Clean! The Punisher started the story one way and ended up different at the end. That’s right. One of the most one dimensional characters—had actual character development!
5. Red Fever. The Archie lookalike druglord hoping to rebuild in Riverdale. He’s a very good villain. What helps is that he’s shown to be competent. Heck, he managed to elude the Punisher and everyone else on his tail. Microchip explains that Red Fever is someone who rises and falls; when something goes bad he builds himself back up. And we’re shown that when The Punisher and the rival druglords come for him at the school dance. Riverdale is pretty much a wash and his business plans with Mr. Lodge are dead in the water—so he kidnaps Veronica and holds her for ransom to keep The Punisher away from him and try and get something out of this mess. He’s only undone because he hadn’t familiarized himself with Riverdale and didn’t piece Veronica’s clue to the gang together until it was too late. Plus, he hates Leroy so that makes him relateable to the rest of the world. And I love how he looks like old school Archie with those teeth and how creepy he is around Veronica.
6. The extras. The cover is great as it has The Punisher aiming his gun, the sight is cut out to a picture of Archie, turn the page…there’s Archie smiling with the Punisher skull mixed with his own face and freckles. Before the story you have Gorelick and then Marvel Editor and Chief Tom DeFalco going over the story. Gorelick goes over the initial idea which is extremely hardcore with Archie’s family being killed and him bringing in the Punisher. Whoa. Then he talked with Batton Lash who came up with what we got while he was eating spareribs. Then the next page is where Tom Defalco doesn’t really think too much of it (laughing at the covers sent) but he loves the synopsis by Lash. Next is just pictures and two captions each explaining who Archie and The Punisher are. And finally at the end we get to see one of the covers and another drawing of Archie standing with the Punisher. So yeah, fun stuff. Oh, and don’t forget in the stories all the cameos not just of Archie characters but Archie inspired Marvel comics like Patsy Walker. The school dance is just fun to look through over and over to see all the characters interact.
1. Why the kids with us again? I already talked about how they made logical decisions on why The Punisher hasn’t killed anyone and mistakes Archie for Red Fever, but there is one element in the story that could have been worked on a bit. Why are Archie’s friends with Archie and the Punisher after the 50’s Hop incident. The Punisher decided to keep Archie with him to keep him out of trouble but why are Betty and Jughead there…”lapse in judgment.” I think it would have been better if The Punisher just decided that anyone who is friends with Archie is just as troublesome and could get in the way.
2. Reggie. I really liked Reggie and how egotistical and annoying he was. So when he left the story, he was missed. I mean, yeah, it made sense since he’s kind of a coward, but it would have been nice to have had more of him.
What I learned
1. Everyone has a doppelganger out there in the world.
2. Union Station is the real nexus of the multiverses.
3. The Punisher looks good in Riverdale gold and blue
4. Everyone hates Leroy.
5. Coach Kleats went to Notre Dame
6. Hiding under the bleachers might work with Moose, but not with gunfire
7. Josie and the Pussycats need to do better background checks.
8. Pigeons. Feared by every druglord.
9. The Riverdale Police are lacking.
10. I’m all in Grundisher.
It’s kind of fun how time works with a story. You have Archie vs. Predator (I’ll wait until the fourth issue to get them all and possibly review them) where you have The Predator killing Archie characters—but there is no way I could see a school shoot out going on like what happened in Punisher meets Archie even when it was still “tame”. This is a really great story. Everything is perfect and everyone involved deserves high praise for their work and how they made this story work. This is an A+. Go out and find this story.
And next review….put on the black and white face paint, stick out your tongue, and rock Sugar, Sugar! It’s Archie Meets Kiss!
« on: July 16, 2015, 10:13:59 PM »
Hm...reviewing a...new comic of some sort. Didn't I used to do this more often...?
Dede’s back! Tania Delllllll Rrrrrrrioooo and Fernando Ruiz are back with another story featuring new character Dede. For those of you who don’t know, she’s the daughter of the local comic shop owner and has a crush on Jughead, while Archie has a crush on her. “Triple Date” is a nice fun story. One of my favorite moments involve everyone but Archie receiving a gift and Jughead’s, “Was I supposed to get you something?” remark to break the awkward silence was hilarious. And just love this love triangle. Archie likes Dede who likes Jughead who likes…popcorn. It’s a super fun dynamic. The story is great and the art is the usual awesome Fernando Ruiz work.
Sam Schwartz: Seriously, with these Jughead related reviews I’m just going to type: He did art, his art good. That should be enough for all of you at this point. The stories range from virtual reality to teaching how friendship had better come before business to beach stories and how a simple fan can cause chaos. And there is something I appreciate from Schwartz: background. And not just the gags. Take “The Fan” a guy is suffering the heat and he’s walking behind Archie then the next panel Archie stops to talk with Jughead the man passes him. I’m always frustrated when you see a background character in a panel and the next—someone new or he’s gone. Schwartz doing this makes you feel the time and pacing of the story.
Frank Doyle: I’m sad to say I normally don’t give Doyle the focus he deserves, but a good portion of the stories have him as the writer and he knocks them out of the park for the most part. Yeah, he has Lucey and Sam on art, but his story and dialogue are great. He really never gets the credit he rightfully deserves.
Jughead vs. Reggie: If you like this classic one sided feud then you have to buy this digest because it is jammed pack these two at it. From car alarms in the stomach, to food, to talking dogs these two go at it with the usual outcome of course…but it’s fun every time!
Lucey: We get three fun Lucey stories involving Archie as a vacuum salesman, Hot Dog talking and Reggie going insane trying to find how Jughead is pulling the trick, and finally a story showing us the only way Jughead will go into a pool. Everything is fun and the body language for each character is wonderful.
Craig Boldman and Lindsey: Quite possibly the most underrated pairing in all comics. Seriously, if Archie Comics pulled the new digital Kevin Keller series for one with Trula Twyst or Segarini by Boldman and Lindsey—YES! In “All Fall Down” Jughead’s bowling ball goes on a rampage. “What’s the Scoop or Spoon Goons” has Jughead being annoying while he plays with spoons. And “Pop’s is Tops” The Chocklit Shoppe is doing poorly so Jughead appoints himself public relations manager as he tries to boost up business. All are fun stories, well written and drawn.
Summer stories: You like Christmas in July? It’s here. Baseball. It’s here. Smoldering heat where the cast suffers? Yep. Bowling. Yeppers. To sum up any type of Summer story you can think of is represented in this issue. If you’re favorite seasonal stories are summer based then you need to pick up this digest.
Stan Goldberg: Okay, Stan Goldberg is a legend and you can make the argument that he is the top Archie artist, and I wouldn’t disagree with you…but with “The Sound and The Fury” its obviously some of his much later work and, it’s not good. It’s really rough and—I honestly thought Reggie was Midge in one panel! Heck, the wall outside of Lodge Mansion is either a foot high or Reggie is a giant. And I have to give Rich Koslowski credit as he really tries to make this art look good, and a few pages it does, but—there is only so much he could do. And Craig Boldman’s story is really fun with Jughead swallowing an alarm and Reggie using a key chain (I think that’s what that’s supposed to be) for shenanigans, and it’s my favorite writing in the digest—but the art is just too bad for this one.
“When You’re Hot” by Cosby. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just longer than it needed to be for what it was going for at the end. The story is about Archie complaining about the heat and his parents going on about how people in the ‘olden days stayed cool. It’d be fine if it was a few pages shorter.
“A Hot Lunch”: Normally, I think DeCarlo Jr. gets a bum rap because he’s the son of one of the best artists, but this story is not one of his best. The art isn’t up to his usual very good standards. Just look at Gaston. Wow. I don’t know if it’s the art or the inker (Another DeCarlo…it’s a dynasty!) who’s to blame. And I didn’t like the end. I just don’t think it was as funny as other options.
A small problem with “Naughty or Nice”. In one panel the word balloons for the two elves checking up on Archie and Jughead are wrong. I mean, yeah, the story’s still great, but it’s still something I’d point out to someone who gets irritated by that.
Things I’ve learned.
1. To paraphrase from Pete & Pete (yeah, I’m old!) “Silly heroes. Nobody can defeat the bowling ball!”
2. What a Bouncing Betty is.
3. Santa gives up watching to see if you’re bad or good by July.
4. SPOONS ARE AWESOME!!!
5. Young or old, Jughead ends up in a chicken costume
6. Smithers gets an hour of pool time all to himself.
7. Dreams do come true. Kinda
8. Archie Andrews, Cat Judge
9. Never let your mortal enemy have the control to the alarm in your stomach
10. Comic shop owners get PAID FOR READING COMICS!!?? I’m not getting anything for reading this issue!!!! I had to buy this digest!!!
…Barring that last little lesson, I liked this digest. It’s not the most perfect of digests as I didn’t like a few stories and, honestly, this is a more seasonal comic and I’m not as big a fan of Summer time Archie stories. But you have a lot of great classic work and a great new story buy Delllll Rrrrrriooooo and Ruiz that you really need to read. I give this digest a B.
« on: July 11, 2015, 09:39:37 AM »
Panel one: Two security guards are walking down a high tech hallway as they sip coffee and talk with one another. Over head is several cameras, high tech scanners along the walls, and motion detectors on the floor. Each door along the hallway is a high tech door that requires a password and a card for clearance.
Security guard one/Manny: I told you I heard something!
Security guard two/ Frank: And I told you it was your imagination!
Panel two: Frank begins to push a button on a sealed door as he tries to prove his point to Manny. With his other hand he swipes an ID card into a mechanical lock on the other side of the door. Along the wall several cameras begin to shut down as Manny notices.
Frank: No one can get in here. This is the top o’ the line security package. Security seals, motion detectors, cameras ever other step you take…
Frank: But if it shuts ya up, a quick lookzie.
Panel three: Frank looks back at Manny with a smirk while Manny looks on wide-eyed.
Manny: DO I!!
Panel four: A red energy beam strikes both security guards cover their eyes as both are blinded by the beam and lose their equilibrium.
Voice in the vault: No. You don’t. Boys if you will.
Frank AH! My eyes! My ears! Feels like my skin is melting! What in the blazes--!?
Manny: Frank! Frank! Where are you?! I can’t see—
Panel five: A red fingerless glove punches Frank and a man wearing a brown ski-mask, red goggles and high tech pack leap out and kicks Manny in the face.
Mud Flap member: Good. You wouldn’t want to see this!
Panel one: One Mud Flap member holds up Manny by his shirt as he looks at him with disdain. The Mud Flap Member has the dazzler (small weapon cylinder shaped). The other kicks at Frank’s head to see he’s unconscious.
Mud Flap member near Frank: They don’t pay these Force rejects enough.
Mud Flap member holding Manny: We should have gotten real weapons for these jobs. Not fancy tasers.
Panel two: Both members turn to the vault as a voice addresses them.
In the vault: Fancy dazzler would be more accurate…
Panel three: The leader of the Mud Flaps as he is much taller and wearing a black vest and dark blue goggles. Behind him four more members, two males and two females, are putting various micro-chips into satchel bags. The leader of the Mud Flaps is holding up a motherboard to the light.
Mud Flap Leader: …And with what information our benefactor provided, the prime location, and schematics, he didn’t need to give us any arsenal for these jobs.
Panel four: A close up on the Mud Flap as he smiles wickedly as a gleam of light gives him an almost supernatural sinister look in his goggles.
Mud Flap Leader: I sure as skid won’t complain when the last few weeks’ work finally comes to fruition, either.
Panel five: A shot outside as it is dark as three red and black supped up sports cars drive away as they begin to race away from Riverdale Tech University.
Caption: In Riverdale City if you want turf, you need the numbers or the better weapons.
Caption: When we hit the streets with our new toys and make some noise, no one can stop us. Not The Force. No one.
Panel one: A shot of Ace Andrews, the Road Racer, as he looks up at the bright blue sky as clouds begin to float over head as the wind blows and causing the tree branches over head to shake their leaves and gives off various shadows. Road Racer looks like Archie only older, wearing a leather jacket over a white shirt and regular jeans.
Caption: My name is Ace Andrews, The Road Racer. I’ve driven down many roads, and I’ve taken the detours life has forced upon me as best I can…
Caption: …But as the world blurs by me, I can’t help looking out my rear view mirror at where I’ve been and stopping to take a few moments to reflect on it all.
Panel two: A blue and white flashback shot of Ace Andrews and Captain Keller (Kevin Keller) as they are both wearing a blue and red police uniform with a large blue F at the right of their chest as they do a salute in front of their commanding officer during their graduation into The Force.
Caption: Me and my best friend Captain Keller accomplished our dream of joining The Force…
Panel three: A flashback of Ace Andrews and Veronica Lodge as they are kissing during a dinner. Sitting next to them at their table is Captain (Kevin) Keller and Clay Walker.
Caption: …And I fell in love with a wonderful woman.
Caption: For awhile I thought of easing off the gas and let the world pass me by for a change—set my life on cruise control.
Panel four: A shot of The Road Racer looking down at the grave of Veronica Lodge as it is decorated with various flowers on the gravesite and multicolored saddles on the tombstone. The epitaph reads: A golden heart has stopped beating; Through gates of pearl a soul at rest. Various other graves ranging from head stones to statues can be seen, each decorated differently.
Caption: But like I said, life hits you with a detour, and you have to deal with it as best you can.
Caption: It just isn’t easy.
Panel one: Ace has both pockets in his leather jacket as he looks down at the grave as he continues to think. In the background, close we can see his Turbo Ride, Ace’s car, parked nearby with the driver side door still open.
Caption: Ron was taken from me, and I found the justice I was a part of was just for those who could write a big enough check. Everyone else slipped under the radar.
Panel two: Ace walks away from the grave as he walks towards his Turbo Ride.
Caption: I walked away from my old life…
Panel three: Ace is inside of the Turbo Ride as he pressed the ignition buttons as the car lights up with various buttons along the dash, steering wheel, and roof of the car.
Caption: …And I decided I’d follow the path of my choosing. Even if I have to pave that road myself; I’ll gladly take on that burden as it will lead me to where I need to be.
Panel four: The Turbo Ride is zooming down a road.
Caption: My name is Ace Andrews, The Road Racer.
Caption: With the pedal to the metal, the open road, and thirst for adventure fueling my unconquerable spirit--
Caption:--I will speed ahead when the innocent need me!
Panel one: Ace hits a monitor as Wheels (Chuck wearing a dark purple leather jacket and blue shirt) is on the monitor as Ace keeps his eyes on the road ahead.
Wheels: Yo, Ace! You missed your last schedule communiqué!
Ace: Sorry, 4ZT4—had to stretch my legs for a bit and lost track of time.
Panel two: Ace smiles as he and Wheels talk.
Wheels: Man, what do I have to do to get you to call me “Wheels” now? Make a bumper sticker and put it on your fender?
Ace: Sure. Put it right next to my “I brake for the elderly” one.
Panel three: The monitor as Wheels explains why he’s contacting Ace.
Wheels: Anyway, melt your wheels and get that heap of yours back to the HQ! Just patched into the Force database and found something you’d like to set your peepers on!
Panel four: A shot as Ace turns his car around on the road as it leaves skid marks as he makes his U-Turn.
Panel five: Ace is driving down the road as Riverdale City is in the distance as skyscrapers of glass and steel and freeways seem to make up most of the city in contrast to the regular Riverdale.
Road Racer: Over and there before you blink twice!
Panel one: Ace is driving along as the lighting in the car turns red as he focuses ahead. The landscape has changed to a more barren dirt field with very vegetation or plants along the road or in the panel.
Caption: That’s 4—er, Wheels. He was my partner on The Force. We were a good team.
Panel two: Ace is pulling off the dirt road as he approaches a run down gas station.
Caption: Guess he thought so too because, when I left my badge at the commissioner’s desk, he was right behind me and we walked out the door together.
Panel three: Ace punches a button on his dash as the gas pumps slide to the left as an opening tunnel is revealed for Ace to drive down.
Caption: We weren’t on The Force any longer, but we were not out of the race!
Panel four: Ace is going down the tunnel as it closes behind him. His headlights light the path as he speeds along.
Caption: We salvaged for parts, got oil and rust under our fingernails, and put blood, sweat, and tears into our base and our rides.
Caption: Then a funny thing happened. We went from a duo…
Panel five: In the background, Road Racer is pulling his Turbo Ride along a similar pink and red car with purple trim (The Femme Fatale), and a green and black muscle car (The Wham). In the foreground, Gears (Betty Cooper wearing a blue denim jacket) Wheels (Chuck), Cat (Sheila Wu wearing a brown jacket over a purple top and has goggles over her hat), and Tiny (Vic wearing a white shirt and blue jeans as his normal clothing. For the moment he has an apron and oven mitts on since he was cooking) are at a computer system. Tiny has a tray of bakery treats that Cat and Gears happily take as Wheels motions for Road Racer to join them.
Caption: To a team!
Wheels: Just got done halfway blinking!
Tiny: So what do you girls think?
Gears: I think instead of being a vigilante, you should have been a pastry chef like your aunt!
Cat: Mmh. Chocolate. A way to steal a woman’s heart.
« on: July 05, 2015, 08:24:22 PM »
Sorry for being late.
This is it. The dreaded story. I’ve heard many harsh, cruel things spoken of this story. That, as a Jughead fan, it would fill me with an uncontrollable sadness. It will tear out my heart and vomit upon my dreams.
Why do I listen to other people?
1 What they got right about Jughead. I felt that this story got Jughead half right. Maybe even a little more than that. For one thing, they nailed that he’s a glutton who will eat anything. He’s drawn with pure delight as he eats his double anchovies pizza. They also got that Jughead is smart. He figures out what the rest of the gang is doing, trying to set him up, and decides to turn the table on them with a pretty good gag. And in the first few pages, he shows that Jughead wit and banter. Too bad that doesn’t last.
2. Sandy Sanchez. Remember the last review where I had a problem with characters who no personality and just existed? They are there for the story for a certain plot function and that’s that. Not Sandy. We actually get to know her. She’s a star pupil, she wants to go to an Ivy League college, and she’s very athletic. She gets plenty of dialogue. Now I don’t like the very very end, but I do like the character. She’s a fun. She’s up their with Sharry on—why is this character not used more?
3. Joe Staton. I was expecting something a little more realistic like the previous new series reviews—and Joe Staton is a good artist—but he seemed to have decided to adopt his art style with the Archie style. At first I didn’t like it because I felt it went against the idea of the New Series, but it does allow for better movement from the characters. In the previous stories, the characters looked stiff, here they are much more energetic. Take for example the Big Bounce Along Relay. Each a character is still their own height, weight, and body language. Because a good portion of the story involves sports and lots of movement, this turns out to be the right decision.
4. Finally, we got the main Archie Teen (sans Jughead) characters right. I’ve had problems with the last two New Series because we had Betty being boring, Veronica being pushed aside, Archie occasionally being Archie, and Reggie sometimes showing up to be Reggie. Here we got them. Betty is nice, sweet and naïve. Veronica is in your face, arrogant, and would prefer not to sweat. Archie is his usual clumsy self (The Big Bounce Rally) and Reggie is a sneaky jerk. Dilton gets a moment to show how smart he is. Even Nancy gets a pretty funny moment with the egg toss contest. And you have some great character moments. Archie doesn’t like the changes to his best friend when the plan appears to be working, Betty starts having doubts and worrying if they were right, and Veronica is the more steadfast and confident in what they are doing. And this is the most of the supporting cast we’ve seen in a New Series book I’ve reviewed.
1. What they got wrong about Jughead. Like I said, they got about half right and half wrong. Jughead does not get nervous around girls. I HATE stories where he gets nervous around girls. Jughead is easy going and just follows his own path, if a female intersects her path with his he either tolerates her or showcases his wit. And I can be okay with him being somewhat good at sports…but not to the level MatchMakers made him out to be a great athlete. And I said he was witty in the first few pages, but after that, he’s just boring. His quick wit is one of his trademarks. You take that away and you have a flat character.
2. Dated clothing. Yeah, even back in the day this stuff was decades from the time. I mean, you had the gang talking the next war and western movies. Um, yeah, we those are not prevalent in today or a decade or even two decades ago. And the clothing on some of the characters look maybe late 70s. In the south going by Betty’s imitation Hee Haw Girl attire in the beginning. And some of the events at the Couple’s Competition…horse shoes. Yeeeeahhh.
3. Some of the character designs. I had trouble recognizing Coach Kleats and Prof. Flutesnoot. Ms. Grundy looked like Aunt May and in a few panels, others like a witch. And Mrs. Jones was drawn with a long nose. I HATE IT WHEN THEY DRAW MRS. JONES WITH A LONG NOSE!!!!!!!
4. That last page. Jughead and Sandy sneaking off to date. I HATE THAT. Jughead doesn’t date. Why? Because Jughead can’t be Jughead when he dates. Because you have to tone him down and take away all his wit and quips or he sounds like a jerk. Heck, check out Life With Archie—I’m okay with nearly everything but Jughead. He was either a whiner or a loser, or just boring. It’s not Jughead. That last page was not Jughead. But…it was just a page. Not the usual story where someone decides to write “Jughead likes this girl” story, so at least it has that going for it.
What I learned from this story.
1. Riverdale High has a relaxed dress code because Midge was just wearing overalls
2. Double Anchovies Pizza is the weirdest, disgusting pizza you can eat.
3. Egg yolk makes Nancy sick.
4. Whoever thought of the Big Bounce Along Relay is both a genius and a sadist
5. That egg toss resulted in the loss of many chicks and one traumatized eye witness bird.
6. At least if Jughead wears a baseball cap he doesn’t wear it backwards like a twit
7. Win if you can, lose if you must but—nah, forget that! Just stop playing.
8. Jughead owns a scooter.
9. G-g-girls…m-aa-ake…Jughead Nervous!!!
10. Horseshoes…it’s the next Let’s Play Series, mark my words
Seriously, this was the big bad story? You want a bad story? The World Tour story or the current Betty and Veronica storyline—those are bad stories. This? This is an okay story. Jughead loves a girl stories always stink. But this isn’t bad. Most of it is a plot to teach Archie and the gang a lesson until…that last page. So most you can say is an act. The other characters are done right, the art suits a Jughead story, and most of all—I wasn’t bored. But when you’re doing the main character wrong then you still have issues. Plus how dated it is even from when it was first published.
It’s a B. I have read way worst portrayals of Jughead “when he’s in love”. And for its fault, it’s still a fun story. I’d take a chance on it if you have an open mind.
Next week will be Archie Meets the Punisher. Because who wouldn't put these two together?
« on: July 04, 2015, 02:20:34 PM »
Panel one: The setting is a forest clearing where a cabin and small fire surrounded by stones is. Fred Mirth wearing clothing similar to Indiana Jones, only his is a mix of black and gray, is holding a laser gun on a ten year old native American girl (Annie Crane) as a native American man (Samuel Crane)—in his sixties-- walks ahead pointing towards a totem pole consisting, bottom to top, a swan, an otter, a toad, a muskrat, and finally a turtle.
Caption: Oklahoma. The edge of the Wyandot Indian Reservation.
Samuel Crane: There is what you seek. Now release my granddaughter, Mirth.
Fred Mirth: Of course. I’m a man of my word if not anything else…
Panel two: Fred Mirth throws the girl to the ground as Samuel Crane lunges at Fred Mirth. Fred Mirth sneers at the futile efforts of Samuel Crane to stop him.
Fred Mirth: Oh, we’re doing this?
Panel three: Fred Mirth uses the back of his laser gun to knock Samuel Crane unconscious as his granddaughter looks on helplessly.
Fred Mirth: And here I was thinking you were an intelligent man, Samuel Crane.
Annie Crane: Grandfather!
Panel four: Annie Crane is checking on her grandfather as tears roll down her cheeks. Fred Mirth is two steps away as he focuses on the matter at hand. Fred Mirth is blasting the turtle off the totem as it cracks open on the ground. The turtle totem breaks to reveal a diamond turtle shell hidden inside.
Fred Mirth: Well, well, looks like the old legend might be true.
Panel five: Fred Mirth is bending down to pick up the diamond turtle shell.
Fred Mirth: The diamond turtle shell. With you I’ll finally get what I deserve.
Panel six: A close up on Fred Mirth as he holds the diamond turtle shell right up to his face as his eyes flash deviously. Inside of the turtle shell is an image of the world.
Fred Mirth: And who can stop me?
Page 2 + 3
Panel one: The setting is inside Explorer Mountain as the security has gone haywire as the Explorers are dealing with it to showcase their own unique skill set. The security weapons are the following: several mechanical tendrils are coming from the walls and floor. Various turrets shooting electrical blasts from the ceiling and the floor. energy fields condensing energy activate at random and various sections of the roof crashing down to flatten anyone beneath. Buzzing around are miniature robots with rotor blades extended from their chests. Red Andrews is leaping through several mechanical tendrils as he breaks away. Wheels is dodging an energy blast as she scolds Nitro who is using exploding discs (destructo-discs) to destroy a turret on the wall with far too many explosives than needed. F/X is using his cloak to form several illusions of himself as two mechanical arms grab at the wrong F/X. Angel is karate chopping one mechanical grappling arm, breaking it at the point of impact, and back kicking a mini-security bot to clear a path forRed. Spike is using his super strength to stop a slab of the high tech ceiling from crushing him as he forces it back upwards. Squint is leaping in the air to cause two security bots to destroy each other as he uses a mechanical arm as a pole vault to help him avoid the energy blasts of a nearby wall turret.
Angel: There’s an opening, Red! Get to the control room and find out what Gizmo’s malfunction is!
Red: On it, Angel!
Wheels: Careful, Nitro! Don’t bring down the entire mountain on us!
Nitro: Wheels, in case you hadn't noticed--the mountain started it!
F/X: Sorry, but no kewpie doll for you!
Squint: I don’t know about anyone else—but I’m working up an appetite.
Spike: Nah. Just a sweat for me.
Panel one: Down a high tech corridor, Red Andrews is making his way to the control room. Red Andrews leaps over several swirling laser beams, ducks various wall saw blades, sliding across the floor before regaining his footing and leaping over an opening leading to a fire pit as he makes his way to the control room.
Red at the lasers: After I straighten this mess out…
Red at the saw blades: …I’m going to have a discussion with Gizmo about the defense system…
Red leaping over the fire pit: …Because this is way too easy!
Panel two: Red looks inside the control room as Gizmo is using a laser gun to blast several mechanical grappling arms that are trying to grab him. He has a photon shield extending from his Explorer wristband to block the attack of another as he turns his head to talk with Red. Over head is the hologram of an AI that has a distorted face to show that the AI is malfunctioning.
Red: Gizmo, problem?
Gizmo: Yes! And the solution is that blue button on the control panel!
AI: --I’ll hit you like a wrrreeeccckiing balll…!!
Panel three: Gizmo uses his laser gun to blast several grappling arms that were trying for Red as Red slams his fist down on the blue button as the AI begins to disperse.
Red: Problem solved!
AI: ..I’m a teapot…hit a rock…look at my thoughts…weird ink bloooottttssss
Panel one: Gizmo is apologizing to Red in the foreground as the other explorers enter the control room in the background.
Gizmo: I’m sorry, Red, everyone. The AI had passed all my test phases, but there seems to be issues with the terminal’s interface modules to its infofracture diagnostics.
Panel two: Nitro is in between F/X and Squint as he quips on the situation. As he talks Nitro folds up his destructo-discs with the press of a button and begins to put them back in his inside jacket pocket.
Nitro: What’s it say about this team when the big brain makes the stupidest mistakes?
Panel three: Red puts a reassuring hand on Gizmo’s shoulder. Wheels and Angel walk towards them. In the background F/X and Squint smack Nitro on the back of his head as Spike looks on approvingly.
Red: Gizmo, we all make mistakes. Ever think maybe taking a break? You’ve been at this nonstop; you could use a chance to rest up a bit.
Gizmo: Red…I know your advice is sound—but I’m so close! And once I have the AI perfected, Explorer Mountain will run 1000 times more efficiently!
Panel four: Wheels smiles at Gizmo as Gizmo blushes and stutters as he tries to compose himself as he blushes. Angel stands beside Red and looks on with a smile.
Wheels: Gizmo, I’m going to Indianapolis over the weekend to test my dad’s race cars. Come along. We’ll have fun!
Gizmo: Well-um,er…that’s a w-won-er, I mean, gracious offer--
Panel five: Wheels turns to Red and extends him an invitation. Gizmo immediately hangs his head down in disappointment. Red is nervous as he can feel the harsh eyes of Angel staring a hole at him.
Wheels: You should come too. Red! The more the merrier!
Red: Well, thank you, Wheels—but, um…
Angel: He values his life.
Panel one: Spike talks with Gizmo as Gizmo composes himself. Angel steps in between Wheels and Red as she cracks her knuckles as she looks at Wheels. Wheels feigns innocence with a smile and shrug of her shoulders. Looking on Nitro motions with his arms like an explosion is about to happen while F/X uses his hands like a camera as he pretends to be recording what is happening. Squint is yawning as he could careless.
Spike: Gizmo, you think an AI would improve everything? Does that include security?
Gizmo: Of course.
Panel two: Spike nervously looks up as he continues to talk as Gizmo begins to adjusts his glasses.
Spike: So it’d be able to stop magical stuff like ghosts and phantoms, right?
Gizmo: Spike, magic is fiction and most paranormal experiences are figments of the imagination or parlor tricks. But why do you ask?
Panel three: All of The Explorers look up in alarm as the astral projection of Samuel Crane hovers over their heads.
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