Page 1

Panel one: Archie and Reggie are looking over at the Jones yard from the sidewalk as Jughead is actually working feverously as he is using a push lawnmower to mow the yard. Jughead is mowing over several small toy and the garden hose as he strains to push the lawnmower. Jughead is sweating, but he has a smile on his face, which takes Archie and Reggie by surprise. Both Archie and Reggie have presents prepared. Archie’s is half done and taped up every which way, while Reggie’s is perfect and has wrap paper of himself smiling.

Archie: Wow. The world just got more perplexing.

Reggie: You ain’t kidding, Freckles. Jughead Jones hard at work…

Archie: …With a smile from one enormous ear to the next?

Panel two: Jughead turns the mower off as he goes to Archie and Reggie. Reggie glares at Jughead suspiciously while Archie is far more greeting.

Jughead: Look at you layabouts, don’t you have anything you two can do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?

Archie: Okay, Jug, we give up. What happened to change hardly work to hard at work?

Panel three: Archie has a thought balloon of Jughead doing several jobs. One has him outside a bank dressed like Uncle Sam and doing the Uncle Sam point at someone who jumps back and the other has Jughead as a grocer sleeping on a stack of cans, and the last has Jughead cleaning a store window with cloths in both hands and his teeth as he wipes all at once. Jughead wipes sweat from his brow as he acts indifferent to Reggie pointing his finger insistently at him.

Archie: …I mean, the last few weeks you have taken every job available!

Reggie: Spill, hose nose! What’s your angle?

Jughead: Obtuse.

Page 2

Panel one: Jughead reaches into his pockets for a wadded up newspaper clip he had ripped out as Archie and Reggie look on.

Archie: C’mon, Jug. No way would you be working your tail off for nothing.

Jughead: Does anyone? But yeah, something caught my little closed eyes…

Panel two: Jughead shows Archie the wadded up newspaper clip as it is a picture of a red and blue soda machine called SODA STORM 3058! Reggie waves off Jughead and begins to leave in disgust.

Archie: A soda maker?

Reggies: Feh. Should have known it would be something stupid--!

Panel three: Jughead turns around and wads the newspaper back into his pocket as Archie walks towards him. Jughead avoids the rake placed on the ground but Archie is coming towards it as he rolls his eyes as Jughead talks.

Jughead: Perish the parched, Archie! Not just a soda maker--The soda maker!

Jughead: The Soda Storm 3058 is capable of making any sodas, fizzies and tonics!

Caption by rake: Hasn’t been put up for two years…!

Panel four: Jughead licks his lips as he thinks about the drinks he’ll soon be making as Archie has stepped on the rake and is falling backwards with his the gift he was holding flying into the air.

Jughead: All the carbonated combinations of sodas I can concoct to wet my whistle will make the aches and blisters I’ve endured worth it--!

THWACK
 
Panel five: Jughead catches the gift in the air as Archie is flat on the ground with a rake impression on his face as his eyes are glazed over and he has several stars and planets zooming around his head.

Jughead: Say, what’s this?

Archie: …Fer  Mother’s day, I’d go give it to ‘er, but this merry alien guy wants to fly me to the moon…!

Page 3

Panel one: Jughead is going inside his house as Archie is making like an airplane in the Jones yard, circling his present for his mother, as he is still not quite in our reality just yet. Jughead seems puzzled as he tilts his head.

Jughead: Times flies while you sleep your life away… 
Panel two: Jughead peeps into the kitchen to see his father setting up decorations for a party for Mrs. Jones. Mr. Jones is putting up a banner reading MOTHER’S DAY as he is on step ladder tying the banner to a string .as Jellybean is in her high seat looking on and Hot Dog is sitting at the table reading a magazine. A cake with blue icing with writing reading 4 D Best Mom on it is in the middle of the table as the plates and eating utensils are set for a party.

Jughead: Pop, did you know that it was mother’s day?

Mr. Jones: I just noticed it out the corner of my eyes, son.

Panel three: Jughead begins to walk over to the cake as he begins to salivate. Mr. Jones jerks around in alarm as Jellybean turns towards Jughead and Hot Dog’s bristles begin to rise up as he shows his teeth as he slams the magazine on the table.

Jughead: Funny, you throwing a party and not telling me about it…

Panel four: Mr. Jones blocks the path with both arms as Hot Dog is in front of him looking like he might attack as he guards the cake. Jellybean has her fists balled as if she was going to fight Jughead off.

Mr. Jones: It’s not funny when you go over your history involving food and parties!!

Jughead: You eat five birthday cakes in one year, and the trust is scattered to the wind like birthday candle smoke.

Panel five: Mr. Jones asks Jughead what he has for his mom as Jughead holds out his arms to signal a hug.

Mr. Jones: You do have your mother a present, don’t you? She’s only going to be gone for another few hours running errands.

Jughead: I was just now planning on giving her the biggest hug!

Page 4

Panel one: Mr. Jones shakes his head as Jughead scratches his head as he seems to give in.

Mr. Jones: Hugs stop being a gift when you can walk to the bus stop alone.

Jughead: Overachieved far too much far too soon.

Panel two: Jughead begins to leave the kitchen as reluctantly complies. Mr. Jones holds his hands to his face and sighs.

Jughead: Well, I guess I do have a few extra dollars to spare after I pick up my soda maker. Be back in a few.

Mr. Jones: Take your time! The appreciation for the woman who gave birth to you and loves you unconditionally is crowding out all the oxygen!

Panel three: Jughead is walking along in Riverdale as he is in front of Gem’s Jewels as several pearl necklaces are out on display as Jughead slouches along. On the window is a sign reading: MOTHER DAY SALE (because some of us wish we had a mother to give presents to…)

Jughead: I have given mom the same library book for a gift the last two years, so maybe something permanent would be a nice change of pace.


Panel four: Jughead tilts his body back as he looks at the pearl necklaces. One pearl necklace in the middle with a price tag of 105 dollars catches Jughead’s eyes. The other pearls are different weird colors. A red set has a price tag reading: ARM AND LEG. A blue set of pearls has a price tag of: More than your house.

Jughead: Now, those oyster stones are just the kind of sparkles that women love…

Panel five: Jughead takes out his paper clipping of the soda maker as has his left hand on his chin as he examines the situation.

Jughead: But those overpriced marbles would nearly drain me dry, and I’d go thirsty.

Panel six: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he begins to take a step away.

Jughead: Eh. It’s the thought that counts, and I did think about it.

I'm not a big fan of these two characters--since I think of them as blights--but I was wondering if anyone can maybe make an arguement for whatever good points someone believes that have.

Hey, who saved up enough K-Mart reward points and only had to pay fifty cents for the latest Jughead Double Digest? If you can’t figure that out, stop reading right now.

The Good.

1.   Trula Twyst. We get two stories involving the amateur psychologist and her battle of wits and brains with our favorite long nosed glutton. The first one involves Jughead ending up in Trula’s kitchen thanks to his feet’s GPS being thrown off after the move (Hey, remember when Jughead moved a few blocks down from his original house?) The next involves Trula asking Jughead to take her to the school dance and what you expect happens in an unexpected set of events. 

2.   Jellybean. Jellybean gets involved in two really funny, cute stories. The first Jellybean is beginning the transition from crawling to walking and Mrs. Jones is an overprotective mom with a catalogue for babyproof supplies. The next involves Jughead telling Jellybean various fairytales, but his appetite and imagination make it impossible to keep on story. BABYPROOFED is well written by Golliher and, I have to say, I prefer how Dan Parent used to draw Jughead. Ruiz does a great job with his fairy tale story and very inventive. Judging by Jon’s blog, he’d probably appreciate the creativity. (Go visit JonInIowa’s blog. It’s well written and his opinions are worth your time. Seriously, if you’re reading this review, you and I both know you can obviously afford it.  )

3.    Jughead vs. Reggie. Just a few great stories involving Jughead and Reggie in their eternal—and mainly one sided—battle of wits and tricks. We get classics where Jughead just torments Reggie with his one liners, to more modern stories where Reggie challenges Jughead to learn ventriloquism in three weeks like he did. You know how it’s going to end, but Reggie is such a great jerk that when he’s just tormenting Archie for being a klutz you can’t help but smirk when a mop “accidently” slaps him across the face.

4.   Pop Tate is not for sale. Pop Tate has just learned that Pop’s has been trademarked and a major food franchise is preparing to come at him. Just a great story where we see how important quality is to both Pop Tate and Jughead. Plus a few more Pop Tate stories involving a Voodoo Doll and shrinking profit margins after hiring a certain someone.

5.   One and half page stories. Normally, I don’t comment, but we get a few good ones. Jughead trying to solve a Rubik Cube and deciding that the Gordian Knot solution is the best resort. Another involves Ethel walking into the room and Jughead turning off the lights: Ethel thinks romantic; Jughead thinks more along the lines of not seeing her. And mistaking a paused baseball game for being suspenseful. And “Jughead would you run—er, walk an errand for me?”

6.   What Were You Thinking? A great story in nearly every way possible by Kupperberg, Goldberg, Milgrom (my favorite inker…and yes I have a favorite inker!), and Grossman. Jughead has just read a book about mind reading and, after proving his skills, reveals that our favorite high school principal will be “retiring”. The story in incredibly creative and we get to see a good deal of the cast and how the react to Jughead, each other, and th news  about Mr. Weatherbee possibly leaving them. Al Milgrom does a great job inking and covering up Goldberg’s current weakness (everyone’s head looks squishy for to me) and Grossman rocks the colors. I only have one complaint…Jughead has his eyes open way too much. That’s more a personal pet peeve of mine, and even I’m willing to overlook it when everything else clicks like it has with this story. Great lead story.

The Bad

1.   That Wilkin Boy. Wow, we got two stinkers this month. One involves Teddy trying to trick Bingo into breaking priceless Smythe heirlooms and asking a girl to kiss/sexually assault Bingo to break him and Samantha up. Now, I know that reads good, but the stories stink. They’re just not funny. That’s the main problem with Bingo Wilkin, he’s clumsy and he likes girls—why should I read this when I could read about Archie again type mentality I just can’t get past. To me, the best stories involve Willie and Sampson just laying into each other with retorts and threats.


2.   No Ethel. She’s in one story, but could be anyone else in her place and she got made fun of a bit in a half pager. So if you’re a Ethel fan, you’ll be disappointed this issue.
 
3.   Other stuff. Not too much bad. The art for the most part is good and the only complaint in that regard  is Crane and even then I’ve seen much worse from him. The writing is great. Heck, I even liked the Little Jughead stories this month and I normally ignore them.


GRADE: Wow. If it weren’t for two horrible That Wilkin Boy stories, I probably would have given an A (and to me everything has to be nearly perfect for that score). The writing and art are great. Honestly, Jughead Double Digest is probably the safest bet digest you can buy and expect to be entertained since you have the long, continuous works of Craig Boldman, Rex Lindsey, and Samm Schwartz always going to be featured significantly. A solid B+. 


THINGS I’VE LEARNED.

1.   From Jughead’s house to Trula Twyst’s kitchen is exactly three blocks south, one block west, two doors down.
2.   When the best a news crew can do is a story on a lazy kid channel surfing, it’s a very slow news week.
3.   That there is a TV Producer in Riverdale that could pass for Pop Tates’s long lost twin brother!
4.   Childproofing a home makes it less safe for nearly everyone else.
5.   Hamburger soda = next top beverage flavor
6.   You read a book, you can do everything: from mind reading to professional ventriloquism
7.   NEVER SAY POP TATE SERVES BLAND BURGERS!
8.    Riverdale Stadium has been renamed Poopsie Cola Stadium.
9.   400 dollars a month to put advertising on your car and drive around town? Let me think on—HECK YEAH!!
10.   How to get out of a massive tab? Voodoo Doll.

Just so you know, I kind of did a bit of a reboot that I thought would make more sense for some characters if the stories were published today. Nothing real major.

Page 1

Panel one: Samantha Smythe is in her room as she is sitting on her bed as she is placing a four leaf clover in a scrap book containing several other pages of four leaf clovers that she has kept over the years. Next to her on the bed is several more scrap books with green for leaf clover stickers on them to show she’s been collecting them since she was a kid. Samantha’s room looks surprisingly boyish with various sport team posters and fatheads on the wall. A picture of Bingo is on the dresser next to her bed. Peering from the door is Sampson and Sheila Smythe. Sampson looks the same, but Mrs. Smythe is much taller ( 5’11) , more fit, and has longer brunette hair and is wearing more traditional clothes.

Mrs. Smythe: Look at that scrap book collection of hers. I’m surprised she isn’t hiding a leprechaun in her room!

Sampson: Feh! Better than her ever hiding—THAT WILKINS BOY!

Panel two: The two parents are walking away as they walk down a hall. Along the wall are various wrestling championship belts and fashion magazine covers with a younger Mrs. Smythe on them.

Mrs. Smythe: “Wilkin” no “S”.

Sampson: Sheila, baby, I’m tellin’ ya that that Bingo is no good for our princess!

Sampson: Just thinking about that dull brained twerp makes me want to punch a hole in a wall!

Panel three: Sampson and Sheila stop in place as Sheila playfully points out a wall where a picture of a younger Sampson, with long blond hair and a red and yellow tank top, is holding a two year old Samantha in a blue dress with her hair in pig tails. Sampson is blushing slightly as he rolls his eyes away and sticks his hands in his pockets as he fails to act above suspicion.

Sheila: I take it this is where you come to think.

Sampson: Well—sometimes I think a little too hard...

Page 2

Panel one: Sheila and Sampson are walking into the living room. Sheila is a few steps ahead as Sampson is following as he stomps his feet and shakes a fist in the air. Sheila doesn’t seem to notice or this is probably jus typical Sampson to her.

Sheila: Oh, Sampson, they’re in love. It’s been like that since we first moved to this house.

Sampson: There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret having to share a fence with Wee Willy Winkin and his brood!

Panel two: Sampson acts like his stomping on a human being as Sheila looks on wide-eyed.

Sampson: If I ever get my twenty-eight pythons on that real estate agent—

THOMP

Panel three: Samantha is yelling off-panel as Sampson looks up like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sheila smiles as she puts a hand over her mouth and yells back.

Samantha off-panel: DADDY!! YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING TO LEG DROP BINGO AGAIN, ARE YOU!!?

Sheila: No dear! He’s just pretending to assault that nice old man who found this lovely house for us to live in!!

Panel four: Sampson begins to pout as he slumps over and twists his face to his right. Sheila begins to point out the window as she becomes stern with Sampson.

Sampson: Honey Bunny, sometimes you make it sound like I’m some kind of an oaf.

Sheila: I’m sorry, but sometimes you just act like one!

Sheila: Just look out there…!

Panel five: Sampson begrudgingly looks out the window as Bingo with his arms folded behind his head, is walking along without a care in the world.

Sheila: Bingo is a well mannered, decent young man.

Sampson: That’s just it. He’s “decent”. My little girl deserves someone great! A prince! A future president! The next MMA summer camp sensation!

Page 3

Panel one: Sheila has her hands at her hip as Sampson has turned away and is acting stubborn as he folds his arms at his chest and sticks his nose up in the air.

Sheila: You act like our girl has hit rock bottom.

Sampson: Rock bottom is at least solid footing! With the Bingo Wilkin, it’s more like doing toe touches in quicksand!

Panel two: Sheila is trying to reason with Sampson as he has a bulging bicep with a light bulb tattoo over his head as he has thought of something that has him optimistic.

Sheila: I mean, how can you judge Bingo when you absolutely refuse to even acknowledge his good qualities?

Panel three: Sampson turns around with a giant smile on his face as he seems inspired and has a plan to break-up Bingo and Samantha. Sheila eyes go wide and see exhauls as she knows what she implied is being inferred to Sampson’s specifications.

Sampson: That’s it!

Sampson: If I actually spent a few hours with that slacker, that would be all the proof Samantha needs when I tell her Bingo has no good qualities to him and she’s better off letting me decide the rest of her life!


Panel four: Sampson gives Sheila a giant hug that looks like it is crushing her as he doesn’t seem to notice as he has his eyes closed and just too happy with his plan to notice.

Sampson: Sheila! You’re the greatest! You’re the brains and heart that guide this old mass of muscles you married!

Panel five: Sampson is running out of his house as Sheila is stretching her back trying to work out the aches she has as shown by bruised red pain stars.

Sheila: Honestly, I’d trade it all in for stronger back bone--!

Page four

Panel one: Bingo is walking along like before when he turns his head to see Sampson rushing up towards him with a fake smile on his face.

Sampson: Hey Sla—er, Bingo! Wait up a second.

Bingo: Uh-oh. The last time I saw him smile like that was right after dad fell through the roof…!

Panel two: Bingo has his arms down at his side as Sampson talks with him. Bingo is pointing at Sampson as he reminds him of their last “talk”.

Sampson: I just got to thinking that you’re dating my daughter and we’ve never had a man to man talk.

Bingo: Yesterday you called me a little girl.

Panel three: Sampson places an arm around Bingo as he begins to guide him along. Bingo rolls his eyes up at Sampson as he is wondering what is going on.

Sampson: Well, we’ll just continue where we left off and see where that takes us!

Bingo: Hopefully to place with lots of witnesses….

Panel four: Sampson is talking with Bingo as Bingo begins to think of a response. The two are crossing a street to the Midville Park. In front of the park is a sign that reads: MIDVILLE PARK (ironically more to the left than center). A line of ducks is crossing the street just beside Bingo and Sampson. At the end of the duck line is a tortoise holding up a banner reading: Second cousin, twice removed.

Sampson: Tell me, Bingo, have you put any thought into the future?

Bingo:  The future….

Panel five: Bingo shrugs his shoulders as he begins to eye a clover patch as they have now entered the park. Sampson looks like he just wants to punch Bingo because of his response. Behind the two is a walking trail where several people are jogging.

Bingo: I honestly don’t put much thought into anything…!

Sampson: Surprise, surprise—

Page five

Panel one: Sampson is ranting and waving his arms around as several people jogging by look on. Two joggers heading the opposite way of each other, and focusing on Sampson griping and going on, are fast approaching each other for a collision. Bingo turns his head towards the clover patch.

Sampson: Well, you had better put thought into it! Why when I was your age I already had my life planned out!

Panel two: Bingo is stooping down as he is looking through the clover patch. Sampson closes his eyes as he thinks back with a slight shrug as he seems at least content with the way his life turned out. The two joggers are lying unconscious on the jogging trail as two female joggers go over to check on them.

Bingo: How’d it turn out?

Sampson: Well, I did marry a model, headlined several Wrestlezanias…never had a son, but Samantha is the star athlete on the high school football team and can belch the alphabet in...

Panel three: Sampson looks down to notice that Bingo is hunched over as he is not paying Sampson any attention as he continues to carefully search through the clover patch. Sampson is not amused to say the least.

Sampson: GRRRR

Panel four: Sampson kicks Bingo right on his butt and sends him head over heels as Bingo manages to find a four leaf clover as he lands on his back.

Sampson: DON’T ASK ME A QUESTION AND NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE ANSWER!!
 
PUNT

Bingo: YOWLP!

Panel five: Bingo holds his arm up to show off the four leaf clover to the world as Sampson scratches his head.

Bingo: Found one!

Sampson: A four leaf clover…?

Page 6

Panel one: Sampson waves him off in disgust as he looks like he’s just tired of Bingo and wants to leave.

Sampson: Bah! Why bother trying to talk to a boy about becoming a man when he’s playing baby games?!

Panel two: Sampson stops as he seems perplexed by Bingo as Bingo begins to sit up.

Bingo: It’s not for me. It’s for Samantha.

Panel three: Sampson listens on as he thinks back to Samantha and her large collection of four leaf clovers that she has collected over the years. Sampson is realizing that Bingo has spent years and lots of time finding them for her since they were kids.

Bingo: Yeah. Samantha never could find any when we were little, so I’d always try and find her one when I could. I guess it just stuck over time and is just our thing.

Sampson: …

Panel three: A shot from over Bingo’s shoulder as Sampson walks away seemingly in disgust as Bingo is beginning to stand up.

Sampson: You just keep hunting them then! Maybe one will actually be lucky, and Samantha will find a real man someday!!

Panel four: A shot from over Sampson’s shoulder as we can see that he has a small, sincere smile on his face that he doesn’t want Bingo to see. Bingo is scratching his head as he looks at Sampson confused. On the running trail the two male joggers are now jogging with the female joggers. The male joggers now have bandages over their heads and small hearts floating above them.


Bingo: Sigh. I guess there’s nothing a guy can do to impress a guy with a slab of concrete for a heart…!

Sampson thinking: Well, there are a few cracks to let things out and in, but I’ll never tell-- That WILKIN BOY!

Page 1

Panel one: The setting is the Jones Family living room. Jughead is resting on the sofa as he has a big of chips on his chest, an empty soda can at his left face cheek, and his hat down a this eyes. Mr. Jones is walking into the living room with the Riverdale Gazette in his hands. The front title reads: KANGAROO SAVES BUNNY FROM EVIL DOLPHIN!  Jughead motions like he is typing on a keyboard to help with his reply.

Mr. Jones: Jughead, did you write your grandfather a letter to thank him for the birthday money he sent you?

Jughead: Yeah, I sent him an e-mail.

Panel two: Mr. Jones is waving his arms in the air in frustration as Jughead begins to sit up as he prepares to hear his father rant. The newspaper scatters everywhere. One page has an article with the headline: BREAKING NEWS: DOLPHIN ESCAPES! VOWS REVENGE ON ALL THAT HOPS!

Mr. Jones: Your generation!! Always doing things the easy way!!

Jughead: You know what they say: “work smarter, not harder”.

Panel three: Mr. Jones is pointing at Jughead as Jughead begins to slouch in the sofa.

Mr. Jones: It’s not harder to write on your computer and send it electronically.

Jughead: If you’re smart enough, you can avoid hard work.

Page 2

Panel one: Jughead is motioning with his hand like someone is walking and with his other hand holding an invisible letter at his two fingers. Mr. Jones actually sees a point in what Jughead is saying as he rubs the right of his mustache as he listens to Jughead.

Jughead: Besides, what you wanted me to do was put a forty-six cent stamp on a ten cent envelope and have the mailman do all the legwork for me.

Jughead: How is that any better?

Mr. Jones: You do make a valid point…

Panel two: Mr. Jones goes to the door and begins to take his coat, floppy winter hat, and green scarf off the coat rack and puts them on as he motions for Jughead to follow him. Also on the coat rack is another coat, purple winter hat, giant earmuffs, and a yellow and black scarf. We can see outside a nearby window to see that Riverdale has had some snow with yards all white, but the roads are clear as a herd of snow ploys clears the way.

Mr. Jones: I know! We’ll just do what we did back in my day! We’ll just go over to Grandpa Jones, and you can thank him in person!

Jughead: In your day you lived in the same house, not across town.

Panel three: Mr. Jones throws Jughead’s winter cap, yellow and black scarf, earmuffs, and coat at him as Jughead sighs in skepticism.

Mr. Jones: Don’t think like that! I’m talking walking! Leg power! That’s all we had back in the day!

Jughead: No, you had transportation capabilities back then, too.

Panel four: Jughead has his winter clothing on as his father pushes him along as Jughead drags his heels in vain.

Mr. Jones: Hey, if I can go to school in blizzards and fight off polar bears, you can handle a walk across town with your old man!

Panel five: Jughead complains as he begrudgingly follows his dad along the snowcovered sidewalk. Mr. Jones looks back and snips back at Jughead. The snow plows on the road have stopped as someone has set up a snowman to stand in the way with his branch arm stretched out as the snow plow drivers actually seem to acknowledge the snow man’s bravery.

Jughead: My ears are cold and feet hurt! I hope a polar bear eats me!

Mr. Jones: With that attitude it will!

Page 3

Panel one: Mr. Jones stretches his arms into the air as he takes in the cold winter wind as his breath is visible in the winter climate.

Mr. Jones: Just take in that air and let it out, son. Feels like ice cream going down your throat and coming back up as hot coco!

Panel two: Mr. Jones begins to turn around as he wonders why Jughead has not replied to his comment.

Mr. Jones: Jughead, are you listening?

Panel three: Mr. Jones turns around with a scowl on his face to see Jughead not paying any attention to him as he is texting on his cellphone. Behind Jughead is a boy with his dog. The boy has a cone as he begins to scoop up snow for a snow cone. The dog tilts its head worriedly.

Jughead: Yep, uh-huh. The world wasn’t flat, just not inflated, gotcha…

Panel four: Mr. Jones looks over at the cellphone to see what Jughead has been writing. On the screen is ZOMG HMP WOT OM!! ISH!!!

Panel five: Mr. Jones points at the cellphone as Jughead shrugs his shoulders. The boy and his dog are walking past the Jones men. The boy looks puzzled at the lime flavored snow cone in his hand while his dog whistles innocently.

Mr. Jones: If I knew how to decipher this, I’m sure I’d be even more upset with you right now!!

Page 4

Panel one: Mr. Jones and Jughead are on top of a hill as the look down below at all the houses and buildings that are covered in snow and all the winter decorations of snowmen set out on the sidewalks and yards of Riverdale. One group of snowmen is wearing blue shirts and seems to be opposed to another group of snow men wearing red shirts. A confused snowman wearing a purple shirt is in between them.

Mr. Jones: Look at that. Our quant little town covered in a majestic mantle of white snow.

Panel two: Jughead is talking as Mr. Jones raises an eyebrow in puzzlement at Jughead’s statement.

Jughead: Yep. The females overachieved when they created snow.

Panel three: Mr. Jones asks for clarification as Jughead fakes being cold as he claps his hands on his shoulders and gives comical shivers.

Mr. Jones: Where would you get the idea that women created snow?

Jughead: Only a woman could make something so cold!

Panel four: Mr. Jones and Jughead begin to laugh hysterically.

Jughead: HAA HAA HAA

Mr. Jones: AAAHHHHAA!! That’s---snicker snort---That’s a good one--!!

Panel five: Mr. Jones eyes suddenly light up in alarm as he stops laughing immediately.

Panel six: Mr. Jones is talking with Jughead as Jughead raises a hand up like he is making a pledge.

Mr. Jones: Never tell your mother I laughed at that joke.


Page 5

Panel one: Jughead and Mr. Jones are at Grandpa Jones house. It’s a typical house covered in snow and the pathway clear. A mailbox reads: ELDER JONES on it. Grandpa Jones looks like Jughead only much older, wearing his pants up to his sternum, grizzled white hair, and a white mustache like Mr. Jones. Grandpa Jones is wearing a red scarf and white buttoned shirt as he opens the door to greet his relations. Behind Jughead and Mr. Jones a kangaroo, with a bunny in its pouch, is hopping away from a dolphin with a scar of its right eye chasing after them on a pogo stick with a large snowshoe tied to the end.

Grandpa Jones: If it isn’t my descendents approaching ahead! What brings you two over?

Jughead: You never bonded with dad, and he’s overcompensating with me.

Panel two: Both are at the door as Mr. Jones looks over and scowls at Jughead who innocently looks away to avoid the glare. Grandpa Jones scratches his chin as he listens on. In the background the evil dolphin has fallen off the pogo stick as the kangaroo and the bunny wave both arms in the air in triumph over it. The Evil Dolphin waves a fin, declaring vengeance.

Mr. Jones: What my son is trying so say—

Mr. Jones: I just wanted to show Jughead that the old ways are the best. Like how unsociable an e-mail is over a letter or just seeing the person themselves.

Panel three: Grandpa Jones waves his arms excitingly in the air catching Mr. Jones off guard. Jughead looks at the reader in an “I told you so” look as he soaks in the conversation.

Grandpa Jones: What in the world are you talking about, Sonny?!

Grandpa Jones: Technology is great! I loved that e-mail Jughead sent earlier today! It had a picture of him smiling! And a funny video to a UView show attached!

Panel four: Grandpa Jones grabs Mr. Jones by his shirt collar and begins to pull him inside as Jughead seems happy to get out of the cold.

Grandpa Jones: In fact! I’m just now starting my own UView video! Working on it right now! You two can help!

Mr. Jones: Well, dad, I don’t—

Jughead: Sure. Being on an internet video is on par with celebrities reduced to reality TV!

Page 6

Panel one: A video feed of Grandpa Jones as he has set up an old table cloth with various holes and patches as the background. Grandpa Jones and Jughead are in front of a folded up table with two pies on it.

Grandpa Jones: This is Grandpa Jones, and I want to tell you all about the great art of pie eating. I come from a long, long, long line of pie eating contests—which continues today.

Panel two: Still a video feed like feel.  Grandpa Jones motions at Jughead as Jughead pops his collar like he is a big shot as he smiles from ear to ear.

Grandpa Jones: This is my grandson, Jughead. The boy has never lost a pie eating contest and he has agreed to help me show you all the Jones Family Bite and Gulp technique.

Panel three: Mr. Jones is at Grandpa Jones computer table as an eye camera is pointed at Grandpa Jones and Jughead as they begin to dive into their pies as they splatter apple and blueberry sauce everywhere on the table and in the room. Mr. Jones looks on with disgust at his dad and son.

Jughead: First—munch sniff munch sniff—take in a deep breathe and inhale and exhale through your nose. This allows your mouth to focus only on eating!!

Grandpa: And—chomp chomp--take tiny but swift bites! The more foods chewed up, the more pie in your stomach!!

Mr. Jones: Sigh. The wonders of technology in the hands of the one track mind…

Page 1

Panel one: Betty Cooper, wearing a blue jacket, pink shirt, and blue jeans, is at her local Angels Supermarket as she is at one of the counters in the middle of the aisles as she is giving change for an Angles employee to hand her several stamps in return. The Angles employee girl is wearing a red shirt with a giant blue A on it with a name tag reading Samantha. Close by one aisle has a person checking out various items and handing coupons and showing a binder filled with newspaper clips of lower prices as the line behind her is long. The guy directly behind her has just a two liter drink and is glaring at her like he could kill her for taking up so much time. In check-out yourself aisle a woman jumps back in shock as the computer reads: PAYMENT DUE: INFINITY AND BEYOND

Betty: Yes, I’d like ten stamps.

Samantha: Not a problem.

Panel two: Betty is talking with Samantha as Samantha begins to rip out several stamps. In front of them several small kids have gotten into the big ball bin and are bouncing on the balls as their parents chase after them.

Betty: So, has it been a busy afternoon?

Panel three: Betty puts the stamps in her jean pockets as she waves goodbye. Right beside Betty are two customers whose carts have collided and have spilled their meats, vegetables, and drinks. One customer is shaking his left fist while showing he signaled with his right hand as the other customer points at himself and straight ahead. Sitting down is a boy reading an Archie Double Digest amidst the chaos around him.

Samantha: Been pretty quiet, actually.

Betty: Well, I hope it stays that way.

Page 2

Panel one: Betty is entering her house through the kitchen and taking off her jacket as she reaches into her jean pockets. Mrs. Cooper is frying porkchops on the oven as she talks with her daughter. Mrs. Cooper is wearing an apron that reads: I DO MORE THAN JUST COOK.

Mrs. Cooper: Betty, did you go over to Angles and get the stamps?

Betty: Right after school. I remembered, I remembered.

Panel two: Betty puts twelve stamps on the kitchen table and her jacket on one of the kitchen table chairs. One is four stamps on each side, two are two stamps on each side and the other is just four straight stamps. Betty is looking them over and realizes this as Mrs. Cooper is flipping the porkchops into the air like they were pancakes as a small stream of smoke follow the porkchops up and back down.

Betty: Huh. Twelve?

Betty: Mom, I think she gave me two extra stamps.

Panel three: Mrs. Cooper is walking over with the plate of porkchops, using oven mitts to carry the plate as she places it on the table.

Mrs. Cooper: So she did.

Betty: So what should we do?

Panel four: Mrs. Cooper is back at the oven as she has a pot boiling with water and is flipping potatoes in the air as she uses one hand to hold a knife and cut the skin of the potatoes and her free hand, reaching over her body to grab the potato skins before they hit the ground. The potatoes go into the water. Betty is holding the stamps in her hands.

Mrs. Cooper: We don’t need any more groceries until next week. When we go back, I’ll be sure to give the counter an extra ninety-two cents.

Betty: Yeah. Sure. That won’t be a problem at all…

 Page 3

Panel one: Betty is walking down a hall as she frowns and balls her fists as if she is having an inner conflict.

Betty: I can’t believe it!

Betty: Someone else makes a mistake, gives me just two extra stamps , and now I feel like a common thief!

Panel two: Betty is walking down the hallway as we can see her father in the living room sitting on a sofa watching TV where it looks like someone is just counting someone’s change on the street. Betty is taking deep breaths as she tries to calm down.

Betty: Take deep breaths, girl. It’s just ninety-two cents. Nothing to get worked up about—

Mr. Cooper: Betty! Come watch this new reality tv show with me!

Panel three: Betty begins to tense and her left eyebrow begins to twinge as he father turns in his seat to her. The TV is now showing someone asking for someone on a busy street to give him chance in his open hand so he can count.

Mr. Cooper: It’s called Every Cent Counts! It’s where this guy Vince goes up to someone and asks them for the loose change in their pocket so he can count it and give it back to them!

Panel four: Betty loses it and begins screaming and stomping her feet as she holds out an open palm and points to it with her other hand. Mr. Cooper jumps back in shock at the sudden outburst.

Betty: I gave her the correct change! I counted it! I can multiple! It’s forty-six cents times ten! Four dollars and sixty cents! Eighteen quarters and a dime is what I gave her!

Panel five: Betty is running up to stairs as Mr. Cooper just goes back to his TV program after shrugging his shoulders.

Mr. Cooper: She could have just said she’s already seen it…

Page 4

Panel one: It is night time as Betty is wearing a long blue shirt and purple shorts and has left her hair down as she sits on her bed and contemplates the worse.

Betty: …And what about Samantha? Those are federal stamps. What if the FBI arrests her? Tries her for treason!!

Panel two: Betty lies back in her bed and puts a pillow on her head as she screams and waves her fists about.

Betty: A penny for a thought—BUT UNDERPAYING NINETY-TWO CENTS IS DRIVING ME MAD!!!

Panel three: Betty sits up as she smiles and her eyes light up as she has an idea.

Betty: I know! I’ll call Veronica! A good friend will share my burden with me!!

Panel four: Veronica is answering her cellphone as she is at her wardrobe dresser and looking into her mirror as she is combing her hair for the night as she is wearing purple silk pajamas. Along her wardrobe dresser are various make-up kits, skin cream, and a mirror.

Veronica: Bettykins!

Veronica: …Calm down! I can’t understand a word that you’re saying!!

Panel five: Veronica has stopped combing her hair as her left lip tenses as she looks like she is just about to laugh.

Veronica: Did you just ask me what I would do if I just owed someone ninety cents…?

Panel six: Betty is rolling her eyes as she looks at the reader and points her free hand at her cell phone in a “can you believe she’s my best friend.” type manner.

Cellphone: HA HA HA!

Cellphone: ME, VERONICA LODGE…OWN OR OWE JUST NINETY CENTS?! AAAAHHHHAAAAA!!!

Page 5.

Panel one: Betty is lying down on her bed sheets as she seems to be calm and relaxed as she reaches over to turn her lamp off.

Betty: Veronica’s right. It is a silly thing to worry about.

Betty: Tomorrow is Saturday! I can just walk back over and give the change sometime in the morning

CLICK

Panel two: A shot of Betty as is in her bed covered up nice and snug as she looks like she is beginning to go to sleep with no more worries plaguing her.

Betty: Just eleven hours and it’ll all be over.

Panel three: Betty looks like she is asleep.

Panel four: Betty’s eyes pop open.

Panel five: Betty sits up in bed and begins to shake her head as she pulls at her hair as she goes back to fretting.

Betty: I cannot wait that long!!

Betty: But what else can I do…?  Think, Cooper, Think!

Page 6

Panel one: The store manager for Angles is walking in the parking lot and reaching into his pockets for his keys as it is morning and the sun is just coming up. It is a cold day as he takes out a breath and can see it in the air.

Store Manager: Now where are those keys…?

Panel two: The Store Manager looks up as he is startled by a voice

Off-panel voice: Yes! Yes! You’re finally, finally here!

Panel three: Betty Cooper, wearing her blue t-shirt and now wearing pink sweat pants and fluffy bunny slippers is opening up her sleeping bag on the bench next to the doors, where she obviously slept the night, as she holds out three quarters, two pennies, a nickel, and a dime as she begins to approach the store manager. The Store Manager scratches his head and has no idea what to make of what is going on.

Betty: I’m really, sorry, but one of your employees accidentally gave me two extra stamps, and I didn’t want her to get in trouble!

Betty: The George Triplets and their best friends Franklin, Lincoln, and Thomas right here!

Store Manager: !!!

Panel four: The Angles Manager begins to shed a tear as he holds the money in his hand and is sincerely touched by Betty’s honesty and determination. Betty gathers up her sleeping bag and walks past two startled older women. Betty is skipping along like everything is normal.

Angles Manager: Sniff. It’s acts like this that make running a wholesome grocery store worth every cent!

THE END.

Page 1

Panel one: Setting is the living room of the Lodge Mansion as someone is knocking on the front door.  Veronica is getting up off the sofa as she is reading a Dazzle Magazine while drinking a diet soda and begins to head towards the door. Mr. Smithers looks like he was going to answer the door as he crunches his knuckles.

Knock Knock Knock-knock-knock

Smithers: I do believe that bothersome hammering belongs to one Master Andrews. Sigh, I had hoped to go a day without straining my back so…

Panel two: Veronica dashes in front of Smithers as Smithers looks confused but is compliant.

Veronica: Oh, not this time Smithers! Daddy, actually invited Archiekins over this time!

Panel three: Veronica opens the door as Archie and Jughead wait outside. Archie is wearing a flannel jacket and overalls. Jughead is wearing a dirty jacket and dirty jeans and a long sleeve shirt with a mustard stain on it. Archie is happy as he shows off his flannel jacket like it means he is a real lumberjack while Jughead is behind blowing air into his hands to keep warm.

Archie: Hello, my love! Here comes your handsome lumberjack!


Page 2

Panel one: Veronica is rolling her eyes playfully as Archie rubs the back of his head sheepishly.

Veronica: I don’t think busting up that one, already cut up, tree that fell on our property for Jughead's family makes you a lumberjack, Archie.

Panel two: Jughead chimes in as Veronica glares at him.

Jughead: Sheesh, Ronnie, if your groundskeeper was going to give us a head start, he should have just finished it, too!

Panel three: Veronica steps forward and jabs a finger at Jughead’s nose as Archie tries to step in between them to try and calm the situation. Jughead’s nose folds like an accordion from the finger poke.

Veronica: How about I tell you to get lost, and let your family freeze the rest of the winter!!?

Archie: Now, now…! Let’s not let the innocent suffer!

Panel four: Veronica leans against the door frame as she is calming down. Jughead is straightening out his nose

Veronica: Mr. Greentree sprained his back cutting up the tree--and daddy thought one of my friends could use the firewood.

Archie: That’s because you have a heart of gold, Ronnie.

Jughead: And an index finger of steel…

Panel five: Archie and Jughead begin to walk away as Archie waves goodbye to Veronica. Archie seems amped up to get to busting wood while Jughead drags behind and not looking one bit forward to the hard work.

Archie: Anyway, we’ll get to work, and be done in a few minutes!

Jughead: …I still say everyone could have just worn sweaters all the time…

Page 3

Panel one: Archie and Jughead are at the fallen tree as it has been cut into five pieces about eighty pounds each.  In front of the tree is a log splitter (ground version), a crowbar, and a first aid kid.

Archie: Yowza! You could build a small house with these logs!!

Jughead: Yeah. Some woodland creatures lost their condominium.

Panel two: Archie and Jughead are standing in front of the log splitter as Archie is over the blade of the log splitter as he is looking over the first aid kit in confusion.

Archie: I don’t get it, Jug. I get the crowbar, and glad for the log splitter but, why the first aid kit?

Archie: The worse that could happen is a splinter!

Panel three: Archie begins to trip over his feet as he falls towards the blade of the log splitter. Jughead reacts and races for Archie.

Archie: Whoops!

Panel four: Jughead grabs Archie by his jacket and stops him by inches hitting his head against the blade of the log splitter.


Archie: !!!

Panel five: Jughead is still holding onto Archie as Archie holds back the first aide kit to show to Jughead as he takes a sigh of relief.

Jughead: Any other questions?

Archie: Yeah…

Archie: You think this one kit will have enough bandages for the both of us?

Page 4:

Panel one: A close-up on Archie and half of the log as he is straining to push one of the logs.

Archie: UURRRKKK

Archie: C’mon! Jugster! You and me can do it!!

Panel two: Archie is straining even more as his face has gone bright red and sweat is pouring down his face.

Archie: ARRGGGHH

Archie: The power of team work---! That’s how we’ll move this wooden behemoth--!!

Panel three: Pull out more to see that Archie has just noticed that he is the only one trying to move the log as Jughead is not in the scene.

Archie: HRRRRRK

Archie: Mind over matter--!! Right, Jughead…?

Archie: Jughead…?

Panel four: Archie turns around to see Jughead sitting on one of the other logs as Archie begins to walk towards the crowbar.

Jughead: Right. And while my body is not, my thoughts are with you absolutely.

Archie: If you knew what I was thinking right now, you’d get up and start helping push that log!!

Page 5

Panel one: Both Archie and Jughead strain as they finally push the log on the log splitter as both put their backs and shoulders to it.

Archie: Almost—

Archie: GOT IT!!

Panel two: Archie and Jughead are panting heavily as they look at the log on the log splitter. Archie has a look of tired pride while Jughead looks like he’d rather have a root canal with a rake than do this again as he breathes out cold air.

Archie: Huff Huff. Nothing to it, right, Jughead?

Jughead: Nothing is what if feel in my extremities, Arch.

Panel three: Jughead looks back at the other logs as Archie wonders what is wrong with Jughead. Jughead inhales as he looks like he’s been asked to move a mountain with these last logs.

Jughead: …

Archie: Hey, something wrong?

Panel four: Jughead waves off the log on the log splitter as he walks away and decides to quit. Archie clenches his fists and his eyes follow Jughead.

Jughead: Hypothermia has been heavily discriminated against. Jellybean has warm, cuddly dolls to snuggle for heat, and I can just stick my head in the oven.

Panel five: Archie grabs Jughead by the back coat collar and pulls him back as Jughead sticks out his tongue as he is being choked by the sudden jerk.

Archie: The tree is giving, and you’re going to take it!!

YANK

Page 6

Panel one: Jughead is at the lever of the wood splitter as he bends over. He looks over his shoulder at the off panel Archie as is at the other end of the log splitter. Jughead is pulling the piston rod back

Jughead: Okay, you sure you’re ready?

Panel two: Jughead pulls the lever back as the rod piston goes forward.

Archie off-panel: I’ve got it steady. Let’er rip!

Jughead: Okay.

Panel three: Jughead turns his head as he calmly reacts to Archie’s off-panel plight as he pulls the lever back to retract the piston rod.

Archie off-panel: YOWWWW!!!

Jughead: Had your hand in the way of that metal plate pushing the log, huh?

Panel four: A view of Archie as Archie is holding his swollen hand and jumping up and down in pain as he obviously had his hand in the way of the piston rod and had it smashed. Jughead is beginning to stand up as he looks towards the first aid kit.

Archie: OW! OW! OW!

Jughead: I’ll just get the first aid kit.
   

I used to think she should be more of an antagonist to B & V and team up with Cherly Blossom and the like...

But I find a summer issue of Betty and Veroinica Friends DD and picked it up. I actually kind of like her has a friend of the gal pals. And she actually has a lot of potential as a character: Works at fashion magazine, her father is a celebrity chef, twin sisters...I'm asuming her mom does something to. I think she'd be better off as a good guy.