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Topics - PTF
« on: Today at 07:08:31 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Andrews living room. Mrs. Andrews is on her cellphone as she is holding a shopping list. Archie is listening from the couch as he has a thought balloon of his father yelling at him as he opens Archie’s car door to see how messy his car is with candy wrappers, empty soda cans, comics, and gum on the passenger seat. To coincide with this, Archie has a worried expression on his face as he clinches his teeth and rolls his eyes upward in response to the worst case scenerio. On the floor Vegas is stacking his dog bone treats into a pyramid as he is on his tippy-paws as he is putting the last bone at the peak on top.
Mrs. Andrews: …What’s that dear?
Mrs. Andrews: Oh, your car broke down? Well, I’ll just send Archie over. Jughead was just over and—yes, exactly! Starvation is imminent!
Panel two: Archie jumps up from the couch to take the list from his mom. Mrs. Andrews reacts in surprise at Archie wanting to go grocery shopping. On the ground, Vegas’ dog bone pyramid has collapsed as puts a paw over his eyes and somberly weeps.
Archie: Mom, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you pick up dad—and I’ll go get the groceries?
Mrs. Andrews: I don’t know…
Mrs. Andrews: Grocery shopping can be quite the challenge, and this is your first time alone—
Panel three: Archie puffs up his chest and sticks out his chin as he is confident that grocery shopping will be no problem. Mrs. Andrews reaches into her checkbook to tear out a check as she visibly has her doubts.
Archie: Oh, c’mon, mom. It’s just putting food in a cart and walking a bit. How hard can it be?
Mrs. Andrews: If you insist…
Panel one: Archie, in his car, is pulling off the highway to Bal-Mart as there is a hundred foot sign where he turns off. On the sign is a pair of birds who are using binoculars to watch the people drive by. One bird is crossing his legs as he obviously has to use the bathroom.
Archie: This is going to be a snap. All I need to do is park, go inside, get what’s on the list, pay for it, and leave. I’ll be in and out in five minutes flat.
Panel two: A close up on Archie as his eyes go wide as he can’t believe what he is seeing.
Panel three: A high angle view of the massive Bal-Mart parking lot as it is broken up into five large sections. All of the available parking spaces are filled. Several people are filling in and out of Bal-Mart in a mob. Two people on each mob give the other a high five. In section A, Two cars are waiting for a very worried driver in a Volkswagen to leave her parking space so one of them can rush over and take it. A lady has her cart rolling down the parking lot as she makes a mad dash to catch it. In front of the cart is a teenage boy petrified with fear. In the second section, an old man is pulling out of his parking place as he backs up too far, resulting in the owner of the car opposite of him to jump into his open trunk to avoid being hit. A small boy and girl are happily letting their Super Duck and Cosmo The Merry Martian balloons fly into the air as their father is putting groceries away in the back seat. In section C a Bal-Mart employee is struggling to wheel nearly twenty carts put together at once while another employee just has one and is skipping and whistling beside him. A wreck has happened as two men are arguing as one man is pointing up and the other is pointing down as to show what direction to leave out. At the entrance a line of cars are frustrated as a mime is on the crosswalk, and acting like a wall is in front of him. The Bal-Mart store is massive and has a door for the main entrance, a door for pharmacy, a door for eye care, and a door for a horsesmith. At the door for a horsesmith, A Lone Ranger expy is going inside with Silver tied out front. On the top of the building is a wind puppet of Paul the Ball, the store mascot, blowing in the wind as both hands are doing Johnny Manziel money gesture. At the main check out several girl scouts are taking up money and are giving a man the puppy dog eyes to guilt him into giving a donation.
Archie: Um…maybe make that tenish.
Panel one: Archie is stepping inside of the automatic doors as a line of carts are to the side. The two employees from earlier are walking away. One extremely tired, the other sticking out his chest and taking a deep, happy breath of fresh air.
Caption: Tenish times five later…
Archie: Okay, a bit of a delay, but now onto serious business!
Panel two: Archie pulls a cart, but it is stuck to another cart as an old woman looks on. Archie reacts in frustration as he rolls his eyes.
Archie: Ah, you gotta be kidding me!
Panel three: Archie is pushing and pulling each cart respectively with his left and right hand as he vainly struggles to separate the two carts. The old woman looks on and shakes her head in disappointment at what she is seeing.
Archie: Someone weld these together?!
Panel four: The old woman brushes Archie aside as Archie looks on in bewilderment.
Old woman: Stand aside! I’m not getting younger and my clock is winding down!
Panel five: The old woman sees that straps to the flip up child seat are stuck to the other cart up front and she just frees them up as Archie bends over and looks on with one eyebrow raised and his mouth tilted to his right as he can’t believe and is embarrassed by how simple the solution was.
Panel six: The old woman takes one cart and wheels away while an embarrassed Archie tentatively reaches for the other cart.
Old woman: Newb.
Panel one: Archie is acting like he is at the wheels of a race car as he moves past a man who is wheeling his groceries while holding it on the side as he is on his cellphone as one man behind him is frustrated at how much space he’s taking up. On the aisle is a display of crackers stacked in a rectangle with a price sign of .99 Cents over it as a Bal-Mart employee is looking at his work as he examines his surprisingly hard thought out diagram. The background should extend a great distance to show how large the grocery section of Bal-Mart is.
Archie: Okay, I’ll just run up and down, and get everything off the list!
Panel two: The background is in the middle of the grocery section at the canned vegetable section as Archie is streaking ahead. A middle age woman is going walking up in his direction.
Panel three: Same shot only with Archie streaking back the other direction. All he has in the cart is two gallons of milk.
Panel four: Again same background only Archie is much slower than he was before as he looks to be worn out from all his mad dash running. Now he has added bread to the cart.
Panel five: A shot of Archie hunched over his cart to keep himself from falling as he is out of breath and is just a few inches from total exhaustion. He has a pack of butter to increase his cart load to three items. The middle age woman from the second panel has her entire cart filled to show how much more an effective shopper she is.
Archie :Huff puff
Archie: …Maybe…huufff…going to each section and getting what groceries I need there is a better idea…
Panel one: Archie is looking over the list as he turns into the coffee aisle as several cans of coffee with a hyped up man ion several labels. Archie is using one hand to point at his head to indicate how smart he is.
Archie: Okay, I need rice, so I’ll just cut across here, and avoid all the traffic!
Panel two: Archie stops his cart as he uses his heels as brakes as two old women have their two carts in the way as they have decided to chat and are showing each other stacks of family pictures. On the coffee aisle are various bags of coffee. One is Lotsabucks, another is Vroom Decaf, and another is A Bag of Hyper Beans.
Granny one: And this is Calvin, he’s a tiger trainer.
Granny two: That’s nice. This is Charlie, he’s a second string punter for the Beagles.
Archie: Urk. Roadblock.
Panel three: Archie begins to turn his cart around as he realizes this is going to take forever.
Archie: Okay. I’ll just go back the way I came. Just a little detour. No big deal.
Panel four: Archie turns around to see two elderly men have their carts blocking the way back as they are both examining the others cane. One of the elderly men is pointing at his leg.
Elderly men one: My cane’s fine oak.
Elderly man two: Mine’s pine. Makes me think of Christmas each time I take a step.
Elderly man two: Used it to fight off a grinch once, too.
Panel five: A high angle view of Archie as he sadly waits as he uses one hand to push the cart forward and back as he checks his watch. The two elderly set of couples continue to talk on, without a care in the world. Archie is looking at his watch and tapping his foot as he tries to be patient but can’t help by frown. The elderly women’s stack of photos goes several feet along the ground. The two elderly men are having a playful duel with their canes. Behind the old men, a man has fallen asleep as he is waiting for them to move out of the way.
Archie: So this is where I’ll be for the remainder of my life.
« on: May 19, 2015, 07:01:36 PM »
Panel one: Interior of the Pep Comics Shop as Archie looks at Dede with hearts springing from his eyes while Dede is looking at Jughead with hearts springing from hers. Dede is behind the counter. The counter has several comics scattered on it and a laptop. Archie and Dede’s hearts fly all around the room as various customers and geeks duck and hide from them. Jughead is reading a Nuclear Samurai Tiger Biker comic with one hand and is using his other hand to swat away any stray roaming hearts with the other as his attention is fully on the comic. The comic displays have The Fox, The Shield, and the Black Hood showcased.
Dede: How can you love someone so and not have it recognized?
Archie: I have no idea, Dede….
Panel two: Dede is showing off a drawing she made of herself that is a five panel comic of Jughead falling in love with her, dating, going to the movies, getting married, and somehow living in the Corridor of Courage along with several MLJ super heroes. This causes Archie to frown.
Dede: I have everything thought out…
Panel three: The lovelorn Dede turns back to Jughead who is taking a step back while reading his comic to crush several small eye hearts that fell to the ground behind him. Several kids run and toss the hearts where Jughead was standing.
Dede: …But Jughead hardly acknowledges I even exist!
Panel one: Archie tries to build up Dede’s confidence as Dede wads her small comic as she sadly accepts there is no hope.
Archie: It’s not you. Jughead just has a problem with the idea of romance.
Dede: What problem?
Panel two: Archie responds as Dede slumps over the counter in defeat.
Archie: It exists.
Panel three: Jughead turns his head slightly to look back at Dede as she is slouched and is crying at the counter as Archie tries to calm her down.
Jughead thinking: Uh-oh. I can hear them talking about me.
Panel four: Jughead goes back to reading his comic and just brushes off any concern he just had seconds ago.
Jughead thinking: I’ll just read this comic louder in my head to ignore them.
Jughead thinking: SUFFERIN’ SUCCOTASH SAMURAI SLASH!!!
Panel five: Dede talks with Archie as he tilts his head and puts his index finger on his forehead as he tries to remember.
Dede: Well, when did this all start?? What lead him down the path he’s on??
Panel six: Archie responds as he points at Archie
Archie: Ever hear of the Awesome Anipals?
Dede: Awesome Anipals?
Panel one: A flashback panel of Lil’ Archie reading Nuclear Samurai Tiger Bikers Adventures and has several piles of issues next to him while Lil’ Jughead only has six comics of Awesome Anipals and a candy bar and can soft drink. Both kids are happy reading their comics.
Dede caption: I remember that when I was a kid! It was a spin-off of Nuclear Samurai Tiger Bikers Adventurers!
Archie caption: Yeah. And Jughead was a huge fan.
Panel two: Lil’ Jughead turns to the last page as his happy demeanor turns to pure rage.
Archie caption: And then one day his childhood innocence died…
Lil’ Jughead: Argh!
Panel three: Lil’ Jughead turns to Lil’ Archie as they talk.
Lil’ Jughead: Archie! They canceled Awesome Anipals after only nine issues!
Lil’ Archie: Why? Wasn’t it selling?
Panel four: Lil’ Jughead points at the editor mail response page as he fumes.
Lil Jughead: Oh sure that’s what they’re saying, but I know the real reason!
Panel five: Lil’ Jughead throws the comic down in as he shakes both fists in the air.
Lil’ Jughead: The editor is a girl and she knows boys like it so she canceled it out of spite!
Panel six: Lil’ Archie goes back to his reading as Lil’ Jughead makes a pledge.
Lil’ Jughead: I swear on my beanie hat and its two pins---that I will hold all girls responsible for this grievous crime for the rest of my life!
Panel one: Dede talks with Archie as Archie shrugs his shoulder.
Dede: …Seriously? That’s why he dislikes the female gender?
Archie: Well, that’s just the origin story; there’s been significant character development since.
Panel two: Dede looks at her laptop as she begins to search online. Archie leans over the counter to try and take a peek.
Dede: Hm, I think I remember seeing…
Panel three: Dede screams in joy as she slams her lap top shut. Archie is taken by surprise and jumps back.
Dede: And it’s coming out next week, too!
Panel four: Archie looks on in confusion while Dede turns her head to Jughead with a sly grin.
Archie: What comes out next week?
Dede: The key to unlocking Jughead’s heart.
Jughead thinking: YIPPEE-KI-YEAHHH BROS!!!
Panel five: Jughead is walking back into Pep Comic Shop a week later as Dede is holding out a comic for Jughead to come see.
Caption: Next Wednesday.
Dede: Jughead! I think I have something you might want to see!
Jughead: Yeah. Comics.
Dede: Aw, but not just any comic…
TO BE CONTINUED
« on: May 15, 2015, 02:24:22 AM »
Just a story or a joke that cracked you up.
One of mine is Ethel showing off her dog winning a blue ribbon to Jughead.
Ethel: I won first prize at the dog show.
Jughead: Aw, you're dog didn't win anything (Or something like that)
Ends with a laughing his head off Jughead being chased by an angry Ethel.
And another is Svenson carrying a ladder by both ends and Mr. Weatherbee follwing after him to see how he's doing it.
« on: May 11, 2015, 12:52:30 PM »
Panel one: Archie and Jughead are walking down the street as Archie is talking with Jughead. Archie sees an attractive teenage girl walk past his left as he turns his head to look at her. Jughead sees a fat teenage boy eating a donut on his right and turns his head to focus on the donut.
Archie: Jug, m’man, I’ve been having problems with my love life recently, and I think I know what’s wrong.
Jughead: Having a love life in general?
Panel two: Archie and Jughead turn back to talk to one another. In the background the attractive teenage girl and the fat teenage boy walk together showing they’re a couple. The teenage girl takes a bite out of the fat teen’s donut.
Archie: You know what I need?
Jughead: A hang glider.
Panel three: Archie points at the top of his head while Jughead just looks up at the sky.
Archie: My own signature hat.
Jughead: A hang glider we could fly high above all our worries…
Archie: Stay on planet earth with me, would you?
Jughead: If you insist.
Panel one: Archie points at Jughead’s hat as Jughead proudly adjusts it on his head.
Archie: Look at you and your head dome. People look at that hat and they get you.
Jughead: Actually, people normally want me to just get away, but I understand the point you’re trying to convey.
Panel two: Archie points a finger in declaration as he uses his free hand to pound his chest just over his heart.
Archie: And I, Archie Andrews, will make a statement!
Panel three: Archie and Jughead begin to walk into a hat store with a billboard reading Rat-A-Tat Hats with a Rat wearing a top hat as the mascot. A man is coming out of the hat store wearing a bunny ears hat similar to the Disney Land hats and has a T-shirt with a picture of the world reading BIG WORLD.
Jughead: Or look the fool.
Archie: Just wait and see, pal!
Panel one: Archie and Jughead are in Rat-A-Tat Hats as Archie is amazed at all the various hats. Jughead is less so as he looks at a hat rack with his beanie all on sale at a discount price. Various people are trying on various hats with good to negative criticism from fellow customers.
Archie: Wow! Jug, look at all of these different type of hats! It’ll be easy to pick out my very niche!
Jughead: Don’t pick too hard or it’ll get infected.
Panel two: Archie is looking over at the Daniel Boone/Davy Crocket section as he is looking at coonskin hats. Jughead playfully mocks the way Archie is talking behind his back.
Archie: Oh, now this is something. It’s odd like yours, but manly!
Panel three: Archie imagines himself as Davy Crockett as he is in a log cabin with his family as they are dressed in that era’s attire. Mrs. Andrews is by an iron stove making soup while Mr. Andrews is sitting in a rocking chair as Vegas just avoids having his tail flattened.
Archie: King of the wild frontier, and I almost made the B-honor roll!
Mr. Andrews: That’s good, but son, do you remember that bear you beat up when you were three?
Archie: Sure, why bring it up?
Panel four: Mrs. Andrews points behind Archie as Archie’s eyes pop out of his head as he sees a bear with tapped claws and MMA gear ready to fight him.
Mrs. Andrews: Because he’s finally ready for his rematch!!
Panel five: Walks past the coonskin hats as he high steps it away from them. Jughead waves goodbye to a real raccoon that is with the coonskin caps.
Archie: …Maybe not. I mean, I am a sensitive soul, and I don’t want people to be afraid of me.
Panel one: Archie has found a stand of British guard hats as he happily lifts one up to examine it. Jughead rushes to stop Archie as he mistakes what Archie’s intention is.
Archie: Forget raccoon skin! How about bearskin? Jughead sighs in relief.
Jughead: Stop! Don’t do that! This is a children’s story!
Panel two: Archie puts the hat on as he stiffens up like a board to explain his point.
Archie: I mean “bearskin” the hat! It’s what the British guards outside of Buckingham Palace wear!
Panel three: Archie is imagining himself with the bearskin hat on standing guard outside of Mr. Weatherbee’s office as Miss Grundy and Ms. Lauriette walk by and admire him. In the window of his office door, Mr. Weatherbee is taking a nap.
Miss Grundy: It’s so nice knowing that we have Archie guarding our beloved principal!
Ms. Laureate: “Courage is found in unlikely places.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
Archie thinking: This is great! The respect! The admiration!
Panel four: Reggie walks by with Betty and Veronica at each side as he happily sneers and motions at Archie as Archie strains not to move.
Reggie: Yeah! Stay there! But me and the girls have to be on the go—like to the movies, the restaurants, any place where there’s a mirror I can look at myself…!
Archie thinking: ARRRRGHHH!!
Panel five: Archie puts the bearskin back as Jughead compliments him on his decision.
Archie: Then again, all that standing would wear my knees out.
Jughead: Exactly! When I use that same reasoning for everything, I’m called lazy!
« on: May 05, 2015, 06:18:04 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Andrews yard as the family car is pulled into the driveway with a trailer connected at the back with a new Snipper Blue mower on it as Archie and Mr. Andrews try to pull it down to no avail. Archie is at the left of the mower while Mr. Andrews is pulling at the right side as they both are giving it their all to no avail.
Archie: This is like trying to drag the rock of Gibraltar! Dad, you sure you unlocked the transmission?
Mr. Andrews: Arrrk! Of course I have! You have disengaged the parking brake, haven’t you!?
Panel two: Archie presses down the brake as the mower instantly goes back causing Mr. Andrews to fall backwards as the mower zooms off the trailer.
Archie: Oh. My mistake.
Mr. Andrew: Wah!
Panel three: Archie looks over the mower as Mr. Andrews is on the other side on the ground on his side as he is holding his back.
Archie: You okay?
Mr. Andrews: Yeah, Archie. My spine absorbed most of the impact.
Panel one: Mr. Andrews happily pats the seat of the mower as he is beaming with joy at his purchase.
Mr. Andrew: But what’s a bruise when I still have this baby. 46 inch deck, reverse mowing, zero turn radius…
Mr. Andrew: It was worth every penny!
Panel two: Archie presses the brake back down to lock it as he looks up to talk with his dad.
Archie: Yeah, but it was a lot of pennies! Why do we need a new mower anyway?
Panel three: Mr. Andrews has several thought balloons over his head as he tries to find the right words to tell Archie how Archie is the reason.
First thought balloon: Archie is losing control of the mower and is crashing through a picket fence.
Second thought balloon: Archie is waving at Betty in her yard as he is about to run into a tree.
Third thought balloon: Archie is about to turn the mower over as he tries to avoid a rabbit juggling several acorns and has no intention of moving or caring a bit about the mower.
Fourth thought balloon: Archie is somehow being chased by the mower as his parents view the scene from the window of their home.
Panel four: Mr. Andrews feigns a sincere, honest smile as he gives his reason to spare Archie’s feelings as Archie tilts his head in uncertainty.
Mr. Andrews: Ah…um, sometimes, a person just sees something they like and splurges.
Archie: Sounds like something you need to see a doctor for.
Panel one: Mr. Andrews is holding the bumper for the mower as he happily walks towards the front of the mower.
Mr. Andrews: Now, let’s get the bumper on.
Archie: Do we really need a bumper?
Panel two: Mr. Andrews has two thought balloons over his head each one done in a more cartoony style than the previous thought balloons to show this is just Mr. Andrews imagination. One thought balloon is Archie accidentally running him over with the mower without the bumper attached and the other is Archie hitting him with the mower, but the bumper attachment simply knocks him into the air. Mr. Andrews slows favoritism towards the second thought balloon.
Panel three: Mr. Andrews lies on the ground as he tries to aligns the bumper into the holes to the side of the mower as he struggles to because of the muffler protector is in the way. Next to Mr. Andrews are bolts and nuts in a small plastic bag and several wrenches of various sizes and types as Archie looks on.
Mr. Andrews: I think it would be better with the bumper.
Panel four: Mr. Andrews is looking at the instruction manual as he is confused by what he is reading.
Mr. Andrews: What is this?! Did a crazy person write this? It’s like a totally different language!
Panel five: Archie responds as Mr. Andrews blushes. We can see the front of the instruction manual to see it reads Manual de Operario.
Archie: It is. You just need to flip it over for the English.
Panel six: Mr. Andrews does so as he begins to look it over and is disgruntled at looking foolish. Archie gives the reader an aside glance as presses his finger against his cheek.
Mr. Andrews: I knew that! I—I just was testing you! See if you were paying attention!
Panel one: Mr. Andrews is trying to align the slots of the bumper to the mower, but they won’t line up thanks to the muffler protector.
Mr. Andrews: Odd. I can’t seem to get them to line up.
Archie: Looks like we’ll need to take the muffler protector off first.
Panel two: Mr. Andrews is in his garage and is using a metal grinder on one side of the bumper as sparks come dangerously near a kerosene heater, an oily rag, and a gas tank as Archie looks on nervously.
Mr. Andrews: Nonsense! One side is just a tad longer!
Panel three: Mr. Andrews continues to struggle to the get the bumper on the mower as Archie points at the muffler protector.
Mr. Andrews: Uh. Still a bit too long…
Archie: Dad, I’m telling you, I’m pretty sure we just need to—
Panel four: Mr. Andrews gets up and motions for Archie to put the bumper on as his frustration with not getting the bumper on and Archie’s constant harping has gotten to him.
Mr. Andrews: Okay, wisenheimer! You think you know more than your old man, you put it on!
Panel five: Mr. Andrews looks on with his shoulders crossed over his chest as Archie is twisting in the last nut and bolt to get the bumper attached to the Snipper mower. Next to him is the muffler protector.
Archie: What does wisenheimer mean?
Mr. Andrews: Hmph. It means someone who will be grounded for a month if he thinks about rubbing it in.
Panel one: Archie is on the mower as he is putting the key in the ignition and is beginning to move the clutch up and has his right foot just at the forward pedal.
Mr. Andrews: Okay, let’s just ease in....
Archie: Dad, I know how to start a mower.
Panel two: Archie’s dad moves away cautiously as Archie begins to start the mower as dust and smoke is kicked out of the exhaust.
Mr. Andrews thinking: Yeah, it’s after that where the problems normally begin.
Panel three: Archie is driving around his dad as Mr. Andrews looks on nervously as Archie seems not to have a single problem at all.
Archie: See, Dad? Not a problem! Rides like a dream! Purrs like a kitten!
Panel four: Mr. Andrews begins to walk inside as Archie begins to mow his yard as he waves at his dad.
Mr. Andrews: So it does!
Archie: Dad, I’ll mow the yard! You just go in and take it easy!
Mr. Andrews: I think I’ll do just that! Keep up the good work!
Panel five: Archie has nearly finished the mowing as Betty walks up to him. Archie motions down at the deck as it spreads out the grass perfectly and the glass actually shines because it is that perfect now.
Betty: Wow. What a fancy new ride you have.
Archie: I know! This mower is amazing! I hardly have to lower the deck to get a level cut and it spreads the grass out perfectly!
Panel one: Archie notices a warning on the mower just at his feet as he begins to do exactly what the caution warning tells him not to do. Betty is apprehensive as she tries to persuade Archie from his course of action
Archie: Huh. “Do not reverse, cut, and make an immediate sharp precision turn at once.” Wonder why?
Betty: Um, Archie, that warning is there for a reason, like not doing—
Archie: Aw, Betty! What’s the worse that can happen!?
Panel two: Mr. Andrews, beaming with pride, is walking by the window as he has yet to notice mulch being slung about outside.
Mr. Andrews: I’m proud of Archie. He really stepped up today.
Panel three: Mr. Andrews turns to the window as he notices even more green mulch being slung against the window.
Mr. Andrews: What--?
Panel four: Mr. Andrews sticks his head outside to see that the Archie has lost control of the mower as he is spinning on his back left wheel and is cutting into the yard in deep trenches as grass is being sprayed every: the house, the yard, and on Betty as Betty tries to shield herself as she has her arms over her head and twists her body away form the mower.
Mr. Andrews: Sigh. At least it’s not the worst thing I imagined happening…
Betty: Ack Ack! Archie! Hit the brake! Hit the brake!
Archie: If I hit the brake, the mower might hit me back!!
« on: April 21, 2015, 01:51:53 PM »
Panel one: The setting is Mr. Flutesnoot’s chemistry classroom as he standing up at the marker board as it has several equations followed by a picture of a pony as the answer and in the middle it reads: SCIENCE FAIR—TURN LEAD INTO GOLD AND WIN A BLUE RIBBON. Dilton is in the front row listening intently as Archie looks over at a destroyed lab section that is taped up and has a sign reading: DO NOT CROSS as Betty sits behind him and gives him a sympathetic pat on the back. Reggie is passing a note to Midge as Midge looks at the note like it was a snake. Sitting to her right is Moose who is reaching over to grab the note as he glares at the unsuspecting Reggie. Cheryl Blossom is just behind Reggie as she is reading a fashion magazine over her chemistry book. In the back of the classroom is a tall skinny nerd with a large forehead, a nose like a bent cucumber and a pot belly, He has parted to both sides slicked brown hair, wearing a white shirt with a pocket protector and glaring at Dilton. This will be Cornelius “The Cranium” Cambridge the antagonist and instigator of the story.
Prof. Flutesnoot: …And before you depart, one last reminder: The Riverdale Science Fair is just two short weeks away and I want you all to participate and give it your best!
Cornelius “The Cranium” Cambridge thinking: Bah! I, Cornelius “The Cranium” Cambridge, would undoubtedly obtain the prize effortlessly—
Panel two: Over the shoulder of The Cranium as he glares at Dilton as Prof. Flutesnoot talks with him an Archie and Betty giving him reassuring looks as he blushes. Reggie is hit on his forehead by his note, now wadded up into a paper ball as Midge holds in a chuckle.
The Cranium: --If it not for that accursed Dilton Doiley!
Panel three: In the foreground is the Cranium snapping a pen in two as it splashes ink all over his face and shirt but he is too enraged to notice as he thinks back on his past failures. In the background is a flashback of Dilton, wearing jet boots, winning a large trophy shaped like Albert Einstein while the Cranium, stomping his entry of high tech staff with a gloved hand on it to pieces, is stuck with a second place trophy the size of a thimble.
The Cranium thinking: Through persistently persuasive dumb luck that minuscule fraud has thwarted me year after year!
Panel one: Class is ending as everyone begins to leave the room save for The Cranium and Cheryl Blossom, who is enamored by a magazine spread of dresses. Reggie keeps his distance as Moose and Midge walk out together. Behind them, Archie is tripping over his shoe laces as Betty and Dilton try to help the stumbling Archie. The Cranium looks at Dilton with a sneer.
The Cranium: Perhaps, my methods are misconstrued. Mayhaps I should rely on my superior cunning and wit to win the day!
Panel two: The Cranium looks over at Cheryl Blossom as Cheryl finally closes her magazine as she prepares to leave.
The Cranium: And within moments, lo and behold, my brilliant mind has formulated the perfect scheme!
Panel three: The Cranium walks up to Cheryl Blossom and greets her as Cheryl Blossom rolls her eyes as she obviously wants nothing to do with The Cranium
The Cranium: Salutations, Cheryl Blossom. I have a proposal for you!
Panel four: Cheryl Blossom looks The Cranium over much to his confusion.
Panel five: Cheryl Blossom smirks at The Cranium as she turns her back on him as The Brain gives a frustrated aside glance to the reader.
Cheryl Blossom: Sorry, but you have to be within a certain level of attractiveness before I acknowledge your existence.
Panel one: The Cranium pleads with Cheryl as Cheryl reluctantly glances back at him.
The Brain: Just a minute of your time! What I have planned with be advantageous for the both of us!
Panel two: Cheryl sits on her desk with her legs crossed as she prepares to listen to what The Cranium has to say. She begins to count down on her fingers.
Cheryl: I’m intrigued. You have twenty seconds before I go back ignoring you for the rest of my life.
Panel three: The Cranium grows frustrated as Cheryl corrects him but restrains himself. Cheryl continues to count while looking proudly at her manicure.
The Cranium: As you know, Dilton Doiley is the favored contestant to win the science fair—
Cheryl: He is the smartest student.
The Cranium: …That is debatable.
Panel four: The Cranium points a finger as and waves his arms as he tries to stop Cheryl from walking away.
The Brain: If you occupy the diminutive dolt’s attention from his project, I will do--
Cheryl Blossom: Date a nerd? Out of the question! I have a reputation!
The Cranium:-- All of your homework! Every course you attend! For the reminder of the semester!
Panel five: Nearly the same panel on with The Cranium looking on hopefully while Cheryl Blossom smiles ear to ear.
Panel one: Outside of Riverdale High as Archie and Reggie notice a running towards them Cheryl waving and blowing kisses in their direction. Just running past her is Mr. Weatherbee chasing the Riverdale Bulldog Mascot with a newspaper. Reggie is adjusting his hair as Archie has a goofy grin on his face.
Archie: Wow! Looks like Cheryl wants to see me!
Reggie: See you wearing a paper bag!
Reggie: When Reggie Mantle smiles, a girl’s heart flutters!
Panel two: Cheryl Blossom runs past both Archie and Reggie much to their surprise.
Cheryl: Not now, boys. But you can still keep me in your dreams.
Reggie: Where are you going? I’m handsome to ransom!
Archie: Wow. Never see Cheryl chase after a guy! He must be on a whole other level!
Panel three: Cheryl Blossom is talking with Dilton as she playfully pokes at his glasses as a jaw dropped Reggie and Archie look on in disbelief.
Cheryl Blossom: I was wondering, Dilly, if maybe I could walk you home?
Dilton: Um, I, er—I suppose theoretically—
Panel four: Cheryl leads Dilton away as Reggie is looking up at the sky as if asking for a divine intervention. Archie rolls his eyes in response to Reggie.
Cheryl: Good. And you can show me around your lab. I just love a man with a big brain.
Dilton: Technically, my brain is within the normal diameters of the average brain….
Reggie: Cheryl choosing Dilton over me! Why make me so perfect if others don’t acknowledge it constantly?!?
Panel one: Dilton is opening the basement door to his laboratory by punching in the password on an electronic lock. Cheryl Blossom is behind him and is just texting on her phone as she doesn’t care at all. Above them just above the door is an electronic eye scanning them.
Dilton: Um, are you sure you don’t have anything better to do, Cheryl? I mean, it’s just--
Cheryl: No. Sure. It’ll be fun. You’re fun. LOL.
Panel two: The door slides open as Dilton motions his arms towards the inside as Cheryl drops her cellphone in awe at what she sees.
Dilton: I’m sorry that it’s messy, but I wasn’t expecting company.
Panel three: Inside of Dilton’s lab we can see several high tech computers along the walls, the main computer has a screen savor of Cosmo the Merry Martian flying a rocket ship in outer space. Various work tables have various inventions of different sizes, shapes, and degrees of completion. A window is at the back of the basement with a super high tech telescope with an empty (important later) circular slot near the eye piece pointed outside. Various two inch size robots are picking up various wrenches, nuts, bolts, and hammers as two robots struggle with a hammer as they begin to fall back towards a fleeing robot. In the air are several robotic birds flying, spraying air freshener and carrying small robots to different sections of the lab. One red robot bird has a banner reading: I don’t make a peep—I BEEP!
Dilton is putting on his lab coat that a robotic bird is handing to him as Cheryl looks on in disbelief at the technological marvels that she is witnessing. Two of the small robots are looking at Cheryl with small little light bulb shaped like hearts over their heads.
Cheryl: This is your lab?!
Dilton: I know, it’s not much, but with the limited workspace, no funding outside of my allowance, and limited resources I’ve salvaged, it’s the best I can do.
« on: April 13, 2015, 11:13:03 AM »
Panel one: Mr. Lodge is tossing Archie out of the Lodge Mansion as Archie lands several feet away from the massive front doors of the mansion as Mr. Lodge is still in his throwing motion. Veronica is next to him and rolls her eyes in aggravation at what is happening. In the yard, a groundskeeper of the estate is using a ruler and small scissors to make sure each blade is the exact perfect height.
Mr. Lodge: You broke my one of a kind pair of Ming vases, you thimble brained gherkin!
Panel two: Archie sitting on his aching backside looks back at Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge points a finger at his head and uses his other hand to wave off the idea of Archie being smart. Veronica rushes past Mr. Lodge to Archie. The groundskeeper goes into shock as a gopher digs a hole, waves hello to him, and ruins all his hard work.
Archie: Did you just call me a pickle?
Mr. Lodge: I’m calling you an idiot!
Panel three: Veronica is helping Archie back to his feet as Mr. Lodge slams the doors to the mansion shut.
Veronica: Archie, you really need to stand up for yourself!
Panel one: Archie is straightening out his back as it has a crick in it from how hard he landed as Veronica face palms at Archie’s response.
Archie: Hey, that’s easy for you to say! Your dad got excellent height and distance on that little toss.
Panel two: Veronica pokes Archie in the chest while waving a fist at his faceas Archie tilts his head just in case she actually is going to punch him.
Veronica: No! I mean don’t let my father push you around! Man up! Meet the challenge!
Panel three: Archie has a though balloon of several of Mr. Lodge’s body guards twisting him into a pretzel as Mr. Lodge watches while rubbing his hands in joy at the sight.
Archie: Um, I’m not the sort to resort to violence…
Panel four: Veronica playfully waves Archie off as she explains what she means.
Veronica: No, Archiekins. I mean to show him you’re not a pushover.
Veronica: My daddy is a businessman who deals with countless ruthless people. You just don’t cave in like usual, and he’ll respect you for it.
Panel five: Archie slams a fist into his open palm as he thinks he understands what Veronica is telling him.
Archie: Don’t let him toss me out like a sack of garbage! Let him toss me out like I’m a tiger!
Panel one: Veronica motions for Archie to stand up for himself as she is all smiles and encouraging him. Archie is grinding his knuckles into his forehead as he is trying to think of what he can say to stand up for himself.
Veronica: You just need practice. Try telling me what’s what. Put me in my place.
Panel two: Archie’s face lights up as knows what to say. Veronica is admiring her manicure as she smiles and awaits Archie practicing to be tougher.
Archie: I think I got it!
Panel three: Archie’s face turns stern as Veronica’s face goes blank and she curls her hand into a fist as her reaction to what Archie tells her.
Archie: Listen up, princess! If Jughead wants to come along on our dates, he can! And if I want to date Betty, I will and you can’t stop me!
Panel four: Veronica grabs a frighten Archie by his shirt collar and goes nose to nose with him as her eye brows furrow, he teeth are gritted, and her face is turning a shade of red.
Veronica: Wanna bet?!!
Panel five: A close-up on Archie’s frighten face as an angry Veronica is nose to nose with him and has him locked in a death glare.
Archie: …Um, you do know that this is pretend, right? Practice?
Panel one: Archie is on his phone in the Andrews kitchen as he is holding a frozen steak over a swollen left face cheek as he talks with Veronica over the phone.
Archie: --No, Ronnie, it’s okay. I should have crawled before I walked.
Panel two: Veronica is talking on a phone at a desk in her father’s study as Mr. Lodge walks in. Veronica is flexing a muscle as she encourages Archie over the phone.
Veronica: Just remember next time daddy gives you a hard time: be stern like steel! No matter what!
Panel three: On the other end, Archie is throwing the frozen steak down on the ground as he takes Veronica’s message to heart.
Archie: Stern like steel! Yeah! That’s the ticket to Respectability Land!
Panel four: Mr. Lodge swipes the phone from Veronica as Veronica is taken by surprise.
Mr. Lodge: Veronica! There are fifty other phones in our estate and you have a cellphone collection! Must you use the one phone I have specifically designated for my own private use?
Phone: Hello? Ronnie? --You coming down with a cold? You sound horrible!
Panel five: Mr. Lodge puts the receiver to his ear as he yells into the phone as he slams his fist down on his work desk as Veronica decides to take that as a cue to slowly back out of the room.
Mr. Lodge: Oh, it’s you! I should have known!
Mr. Lodge: Hang up, you dunderhead! I’m expecting an important business call!
Panel six: Mr. Lodge’s eyes go wide as he is utterly surprised at Archie’s response.
Phone: I sure hope it’s about investing in manners!
Mr. Lodge: W-what did you say to me?!
« on: April 04, 2015, 09:22:53 PM »
Panel one: Setting is the Lodge Estate in meadow section near a lake and several bushes and trees as The Archies are looking on as other Riverdale teens are preparing for an Easter egg hunt. Veronica is smiling as she happily soaks in the praise she is receiving from Betty and Archie, Reggie is smirking as Jughead is beginning to eat a chocolate Easter egg as Jellybean is at his side and trying to grab at a butterfly floating just above her head. Vic and Moose each have a picnic table over their heads while Chuck and Frankie can barely drag their ones as Nancy and Maria encourage them onward. Cheryl is on her cellphone contributing absolutely nothing in contrast while Raj has his camera pointed in her direction. Trula, Midge, and Ethel are putting various animal stickers on a colored Easter eggs while at a table next to them Sherry, Bobbi, Simon, and Shrill are coloring Easter eggs. Simon has bobble eye glasses on that scare Sherry while Shrill is coloring all of her eggs black and purple and Bobbi is being extremely methodical with her eggs as she uses a magnifying glass to make sure her eggs are perfect; at their feet are several piles of completed Easter eggs. Danny is playing his guitar as he practicing for the kiddies while Ginger Lopez, Sheila Wu, and Harper Lodge are decorating Easter egg baskets as a small pile are just beside them. At another table Toni Topaz, Chunk, Googie Gilmore, Tono Diaz are setting down various plates of food on the eating table. Toni Topaz has a giant plate of hot wings and cupcakes she’s decorating with green frosting, Chunk, has a cake, Googie Gilmore is preparing a salad while Tono is working on egg salad, sandwiches, and various other foods. Kevin Keller is pointing at a picture of the area as he is like a general showing the layout and best places to hide eggs as Wendy Weatherbee, Lonnie, Carlos, and Nick St. Clair listen. Dilton, Marcy, and Danni are using Q-Tee to make calculations for the best hiding spots.
Betty: This was a great idea of yours, Veronica!
Archie: Yeah! An Easter egg hunt on your estate! And this is such a great location!
Veronica: Talk, Talk, you’re not even close to embarrassing me yet!
Panel two Reggie is talking with Jughead in the foreground while in the background a flashback of Lil’ Reggie and Lil’ Jughead is showing Lil’ Jughead about to reach for an egg near the ground to put in his basket while Lil’ Reggie runs up to snatch it.
Reggie: Heh. I remember when I was a kid, I’d just follow some dope along and run up and snatch their eggs!
Panel three: Jughead is smiling while Reggie frowns as in the background a mother bird is pecking a fleeing Lil’ Reggie while Lil’ Jughead reaches for the real Easter egg that is nest to a fallen bird’s next as he whistles innocently.
Jughead: Good times all around, huh, Reg?
Reggie: …rassa frassa…
Panel one: Archie is tripping over an Easter egg that is half hatched and has its small chick legs visible as it runs along. Veronica and Betty take a step and look at what is happening.
Betty: Wow, you’re really great at bossing people around.
Veronica: I prefer the term “supervising”, but thank you very much, subordinate.
Panel two: Betty playfully sticks her tongue out at Veronica in response as Veronica smiles good naturedly. Archie is dusting himself off the half hatched Easter egg runs off as Archie looks on dumbfounded.
Betty: You’re welcome.
Archie: Um, so have we got everything ready?
Panel three: Trula Twyst, Midge and Ethel have finished putting stickers on the decorated Easter eggs while Shrill, Bobbi, Simon, and Sherry are finished and Simon’s face has been dipped in various water colors as Shrill gives Sherry a high five. Bobbi is continuing to examine her egg as she is using a small dropper to get one spot on the egg.
Reggie: Well, the eggs are finished…mostly.
Panel four: Kevin, Wendy, Nick, Carlos, Ginger Lopez, Harper, and Sheila Wu are using a few of the decorative Easter baskets to take the eggs to hide.
Betty: And are being hid as we speak. And the decorative Easter egg baskets look wonderful!
Panel five: Jughead is pointing at food table as he can’t wait to eat.
Jughead: And the food is getting prepared!
Panel six: Archie gets on his cellphone as he begins to make a call.
Archie: Well, if we’re ready to go—
Archie: Freckles to Locked Door! Turn the key—
Panel one: The kids suddenly run into the area as there are nearly fifty of them and they come in like a stampeding cattle as Moose holds Midge over his head to protect her while Raj is overrun as he tries to hold his camera up to keep it recording and from harm. The parents are walking along in the background as they look on happily and in relief that they can take a break away from their children. Mr. and Mrs. Jones are in view with Mr. Jones carrying a flag that reads: GO JELLYBEAN on it.
Caption: --And let the children come in to play!
Panel two: Archie is up front with the rest of the Riverdale teens as he is talking to the kiddies as they are all looking at their brand new special Easter egg baskets happily. Two kids are trading their baskets. Jellybean has her basket as she begins to play with it. As Archie talks Veronica not so subtly tugs at the back of his shirt as she wants to get his attention. Betty looks on suspiciously. Reggie is holding a giant chocolate bunny as if it were a trophy.
Archie: Okay, glad to see—wow there’s a lot of you—er, um…
Archie: Anyway, welcome to the…the—
Panel three: Veronica whispers into Archie’s ear as he yells to the kiddies. Betty rolls her eyes.
Archie: The first annual Veronica Lodge and friends Super Duper Awesome Easter Egg Hunt Extravaganza!
Panel four: The kids run off to begin to hunt as The Riverdale teens (save Betty and Veronica) begin to follow after them to help them out and keep them from straying too far. Betty glares at Veronica as Veronica shrugs her shoulders innocently.
Archie: But without further ado—
Archie: Let’s find those eggs!!
Panel one: Trula is watching as Jellybean begins to go near a bush as Jughead looks suspiciously. Behind the two teens the half hatched Easter egg is being carried by the butterfly from the first panel just above their heads.
Trula: Warm! You’re getting warm!
Panel two: Jellybean reaches behind the bush to find an egg as Jughead looks accusingly at Trula.
Trula: A problem, Juggers?
Jughead: Looking at her
Panel three: Jughead points a finger at Trula as Trula tilts her head to the left and smiles.
Jughead: I don’t trust you as far as a bunny can hop!
Trula: I didn’t know you were an expert on long distance bunny hopping.
Panel four: Jellybean holds the egg up happily as Jughead eyes it suspiciously.
Jughead: I wouldn’t put it past you to have some sort of hidden message in the egg dye!
Panel five: Trula feigns an evil look as she smirks at Jughead.
Trula: Am I truly becoming that predictable?
Panel six: Jughead takes the egg and happily follows behind a skipping Jellybean as Trula tries to hold in a laugh at her little joke on Jughead. Behind them in the bushes the Easter Bunny is setting the half hatched Easter egg down as it jumps in the air and clicks it’s feet in joy at being back on the ground.
Jughead: …I’m going to hold onto this egg for you Jellybean. Have Dilton run tests on it to make sure it’s safe…..
Panel one: Back at the start, Veronica is motioning down at an Easter bunny costume as Betty shakes her head and swishes her arms across her best.
Veronica: Betty, just put on the Easter bunny costume!
Betty: No way! I know what you’re game is…
Panel two: Betty points a finger at Veronica as Veronica sticks her nose up and acts important to illustrate her point.
Betty: …You want me to dress up like the Easter bunny so you can have Archie all to herself!
Veronica: Well, I think I deserve something for all of my hard work--
Panel three: Betty scoffs at Veronica’s comment as Veronica glares at Betty.
Betty: Hah! All you’ve done is bark orders and everyone else has done the work!
Panel four: Veronica grabs Betty’s finger and pushes it back as she retorts at Betty.
Veronica: My bite is much worse than my bark!
Panel five: Lonnie is walking up to the girls as they are staring clashing daggers into the other.
Lonnie: Um, Is there a problem—?
Panel six: Both girls turn to yell at Lonnie as puts his hands up and slowly begins to back away.
Betty and Veronica: NOT NOW! CAN’T YOU SEE WE’RE HAVING A FRIENDLY DISCUSSION!!
Lonnie: …my mistake…
Panel one: Reggie is with three six year old kids (a girl and two boys) as he takes the time to look at himself in a mirror. The kids are nearing a bush as it begins shake. In a nearby bush The Easter Bunny is sticking his head out and looking at Reggie in disbelief at how arrogant he is.
Kid: Um, Mr. Big Kid, there’s something in this bush.
Reggie: Yeah. Easter eggs. Go get’em. I’m watching.
Panel two: A little girl is tugging at Reggie’s jeans as he looks down at her.
Little girl: But it could be a monster eating the Easter eggs!
Panel three: Reggie walks over to the bus and begins to reach in.
Reggie: Fine! But if one of these is the prize egg, we’re splitting it 60/40!
Panel four: A person wearing a monster mask sticks his head out to scare Reggie.
Simon in mask: RROOOAARRR
Panel five: Simon is taking off his mask and laughing at the fleeing Reggie while the three kids get their Easter eggs out and give a nod to each other as they’ve agreed on a course of action.
Simon: Ha Ha! And Prankenstein Strikes Again!!
Simon: Why aren’t you kids laughing?! That was a great joke on Reggie!!
Panel six: The kids are running away laughing after unloading on Simon with all of their Easter eggs as his hair is covered in egg shells and his glasses are nearly knocked off as he gives an aside glance to the reader.
Simon: And the yolk is on me…
« on: March 20, 2015, 08:59:51 PM »
Panel one: The setting is in the Chocklit Shop. Archie is at the counter of sadly drinking a giant milkshake with three straws. It’s a play on the classic image only Archie drinking from his straw sadly while the other three are unused. Pop Tate is talking with him as he is arranging Jughead’s IOUs in five separate folders. In the background, The Riverdale mascot is at a table with Ginger Lopez, Sherry, and Sheila Wu as Reggie walks by in utter disbelief at what he is seeing.
Pop Tate: What’s the matter, Archie?
Archie: Sigh. It’s Monday.
Pop Tate: I’m more a “Sundae” man myself.
Panel two: Archie talks with Pop Tate as Pop Tate is wiping off the counter with a white rag. Archie stirs his milkshake with his straw as the other two straws are pushed aside.
Archie: No, it’s just—every Monday afternoon, I can’t catch find either Betty or Veronica. It’s like they vanish into thin air.
Pop Tate: That is strange. You find them, or they find you.
Archie: I can’t help but think there’s this mystery boyfriend I don’t know about.
Panel three: Pop Tate is cleaning the counter as Archie smiles at Pop Tate’s suggestion.
Pop Tate: Ah, you know better than that. I’m sure they’re just getting together to gossip or compare iphone covers or whatever it is teenage girls do these days.
Archie: You’re right. I mean, they’re crazy about me, and I’m crazy about them! What could possibly come between us?
Panel four: Inside of one of the Lodge guest rooms, Betty and Veronica are watching World Championship Federation on a seventy inch TV as they are watching expies of John Cena (Jon Sena) and Daniel Bryan (Dan Brian) in the ring. Veronica is imitating Jon Sena’s “You can’t see me” hand gesture while Betty happily points up like Dan Brian. In between them is a small bag of popcorn.
TV: It’s time for World Championship Federation featuring your favorite wrest—er, I mean, sports entertainers!
Veronica: You can’t see me!
Betty: YES! YES! YES!
Panel one: Veronica and Betty are talking sophisticatedly as they talk with each other as if they were watching an opera or a great play.
Betty: Too bad we can’t invite any of our friends over to watch.
Veronica: Sigh. So true, Dear Betty, but they don’t wouldn’t appreciate the carefully woven storylines, understand the modern day interpretation of good vs. evil…
Panel two: Veronica happily points at the TV as she nearly falls off the couch as she leans forward as Betty looks on eagerly at the TV as well.
Veronica: Oh! Jon Sena’s taking off his shirt!
Panel three: Veronica has a thought balloon of Archie’s head on John Cena’s body as he is holding and carrying several shopping bags on each arm.
Veronica: Sigh, could you imagine Archie with all those muscles…?
Veronica: He’d be able to carry all my new clothes, shoes, and accessories in one trip instead of the usual ten!
Panel four: Betty has a thought balloon of Archie with a Daniel Bryan beard as she has hearts over her eyes as she thinks about it. Veronica is a bit more apprehensive as she obviously has issues with the beard.
Betty: Sigh, but think if Archie had that beard! Wowsa!
Veronica: Well…I suppose a bit of grooming and it would be—acceptable.
Panel one: Betty and Veronica calm down as a commercial begins playing. Veronica has a light bulb over her head as she looks over at Betty and has a sly grin on her face as she has a devious plan. Betty is flicking popcorn in her mouth as she is too focused on the TV to notice Veronica’s facial expression.
Betty: Aw, a commercial! Just when Bart Heart was about to lock in the sharpshooter!
Panel two: Veronica talks with Betty as Betty shrugs her shoulders as she doesn’t know the answer.
Veronica: Betty. Do you think the sharpshooter actually hurts?
Betty: Huh. I don’t know. All the wrestlers are such great actors, I can’t ever tell what hurts and what doesn’t.
Panel three: Veronica stands up and motions at the ground for Betty to lie down so she can apply the sharpshooter to her
Veronica: Well, what’s say we find out while the commercials are on?
Betty: What? You put it on me? You’re the one who wants to know if it hurts!
Panel four: Veronica is turning Betty over on her stomach as she nearly has Betty in the sharpshooter.
Veronica: I know…but I trust you because you’re my best friend.
Betty: And I’m agreeing to this because you’re my best friend.
Veronica: Yes, friendship is a wonderful thing.
Panel five: Veronica has the sharpshooter on Betty as Betty winces.
Betty: Owie Yowie!
Betty: Yeah! It feels like my vertebra is imitating an accordion!
Panel one: Betty is trying to turn her head over at Veronica as Veronica still has it locked in without a hint of easing off.
Betty: Um, Ronnie? You can let go now.
Panel two: Same shot only with Betty turn her head the other direction as Veronica smiles a bit more.
Betty: Veronica, did you hear me--?
Panel three: Veronica smiles as she has no intention of letting it go as Betty’s face turns red in anger.
Veronica: First say Archie’s mine, and I’ll let you go.
Panel four: Veronica begins to tighten on the sharpshooter as Betty thrashes her arms and begins pounding the floor as tries to find a way to escape from the hold.
Betty: Of all the sneaky—no good---!
Veronica: Oh, don’t shout and thrash about so. People would think you’re crazy.
Betty: CRAZY?! Lemme go, and I’ll show ya crazy!!
Panel five: Betty begins reaching behind her to grab Veronica’s foot as Veronica moved it closer to Betty’s side as she increases the pressure.
Veronica: Come now, Betty, you know Archiekins and I are destined for one another. Why not say what you know in your heart is true?
Betty: I say--
Betty: I say—
Panel six: Betty grabs onto Veronica’s foot and is able to pull her off enough to break the sharpshooter as Veronica falls on her on her face as she loses her balance.
Betty: --I SAY NO GRAVE IS TOO DEEP FOR BETRAYERS OF FRIENDSHIP!!
« on: March 09, 2015, 06:26:14 PM »
Panel one: Archie, Jughead, and Pop Tate are standing just outside of Segarini’s pizzeria as the entire building is covered in a giant white cloth to hide the new restructure. On the other side of the street is The Chocklit Shoppe with a “Be back after snooping” sign on the door. Archie and Pop look on curiously; Jughead is unmoved. A sign on the cloth reads: Remodeling. Opening Soon. And don’t you dare peek Pop Tate!!! On the street, cars are driving by with people looking out the window and several more people walking along the sidewalk look at Segarini’s as they are curious as to what renovations have been made on such a grand scale.
Archie: Wow! I heard Segarini was remodeling his hub, but he sure knows how to draw in interest with the intrigue!
Pop Tate: Hmph. It’s no mystery that he’s a sneaky weasel up to no good!
Panel two: Segarini is walking into the panel as Pop Tate glares at Segarini; Archie and Jughead are talking to one another not paying attention. Jughead is patting his stomach as Archie rolls his eyes. Overhead a helicopter with a giant hook is flying over the covered Segarini’s and lowering the rope to lift the giant cover off the building within a matter of seconds.
Segarini: Couldn’t resist after all these weeks of careful secrecy, eh, Tate! The curiosity of how I’m going to outdo you must be killing you inside!
Pop Tate: Segarini!
Jughead: The more time outside, the less time I’m inside eating.
Panel Three: A high angle view of the hook attaching to the cloth and beginning to lift it up.
Segarini: Since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll alleviate your pain—
Segarini: --Before I break your spirit!
Panel one: Segarini’s has been remodeled into a children’s fast food restaurant. The entire building is colored in bright red and yellow. On top of the new Segarini’s is a sign reading SEGARINI’S with a orange cartoon raccoon motion towards the lettering. The double glass door and windows all have cartoon drawings as followed: On the right window is a green cartoon tiger wearing a leather jacket and a tutu wearing purple hypo playing patty-cake and on the glass door is a Red Rooster with boxing gloves and shorts, motioning for people to enter. On the left window is a yellow dragon wearing a black cape using his fire breath to prepare a pizza for children.
Segarini’s: Welcome to the new Segarini’s!
Segarini’s: Kid friendly! Great food! And the first of an edible inevitable food franchise!
Panel two: Pop Tate is pointing a finger at Segarini while motioning with this other hand towards Jughead who stares blankly at the new Segarini’s.
Pop Tate: You’ve always been crazy like a fox! But this is lunacy!
Pop Tate: Tell him Jughead!
Panel three: Pop Tate grumbles to himself as Jughead’s response does not help him at all as Segarini happily answers as he mocks Pop Tate.
Jughead: Will there be Gladdy Meals?
Segarini: Of course! We’re all kids at heart…while some stay fat, big babies!
Panel one: Archie is talking with Segarini in the foreground while Pop Tate glares at Jughead who weakly smiles and shrugs his shoulders in the background.
Archie: Um, Segarini, why the sudden shift in demographics?
Segarini: I’ll tell you, my inquisitive freckled friend!
Panel two: Segarini motions over at a bunch of kids with their parents who are pointing at Segarini’s new restaurant and wanting to go inside.
Segarini: Riverdale is getting younger! Families are getting bigger! For every teenager there is younger brother or sister or both!
Panel three: Segarini pops his collar in pride as he closes his eyes and smirks at the success he envisions. Pop Tate pushes past Archie as he goes to confront Segarini.
Segarini: Once this becomes a success, I plan on expansion! A Segarini’s in every town!
Pop Tate: Hah! If it still has your typical bland food, you’ll be lucky you’re not kicked off the block!
Panel four: Segarini points a finger at Pop Tate’s chest as Pop Tate is startled by what he hears.
Segarini: It has my typical exceptional food-- plus extra thanks to resident genius Dilton Doiley!
Pop Tate: Dilton…?
Panel five: Dilton is walking up behind Segarini as Segarini is happy to see him. Pop Tate, Archie, and Jughead look on in bafflement. Dilton is holding a remote in his hand as he uses the other to adjust his glasses.
Dilton: I do believe I heard my name addressed?
Segarini: Dilton, why don’t you give my unworthy competition a glimpse of what he’s up against?
Panel one: Dilton points the remote at Segarini’s as four silhouette figures (modeled after the cartoon images on Segarini’s sans the dragon) begin to open the double doors and come out. The raccoon is up front followed by the hypo, rooster, and tiger. Segarini motions towards the approaching animatronics. Pop Tate looks on in bewilderment along with Archie. Jughead intriguingly strokes his chin with his index finger as he is looking on.
Pop Tate: What have you done, Segarini?!
Segarini: Done? I’ve taken it to the next level! Because what does every family fast food extravaganza need!?
Panel two: Segarini stands up front and motions with both arms as he presents his animal animatronics. The orange raccoon (Rocky), the green tiger (Fluffball), the red rooster (Beaks) and the purple hypo (Hiya). All the animatronics have smiles and bulging eyes. Rocky is swearing a red shirt with the letter S, Fluffball is wearing a leather jacket, Beaks is wearing blue and gold boxing shorts and red boxing gloves and Hiya is wearing a pink tutu. All of the animatronics are waving their hands and bobbing their heads like they are laughing.
Segarini: Entertainment! Mascots to sing and dance while the boys and girls eat their delicious food!
Segarini: Let me introduce—
Panel three: A close up on Pop Tate, Archie, and Jughead. Pop Tate is stunned, Archie is amazed, and Jughead is mildly indifferent save for one problem he has with what he is seeing.
Pop Tate: You’ve turned your establishment into a second rate cartoon amusement park!
Archie: Wow. I’ve never seen anything like it!
Jughead: I’m okay with everything but the female hypo.
Panel one: Segarini is yelling at Dilton, holding up five fingers at his face while using his other hand to point on the spot where the other animatronic should be. Dilton tilts his head back and stutters as he tries to explain. Behind them, the helicopter, thinking Segarini is signaling it, has dropped the giant cloth over The Chocklit Shoppe as Pop Tate’s eyes bulge out of his head ala an old fashion cartoon. Jughead is tilting his body to his left as Rocky Raccoon mirrors his movements to his amusement.
Segarini: Four? I paid you for five!
Dilton: I-I’m sorry, but the last animatronic still has…issues.
Segarini: I don’t care! I want it here! NOW!
Panel two: Segarini is laughing at Pop Tate’s plight (The Chocklit Shoppe being entirely covered by the giant cloth) as Dilton and Archie try to hold a charging with both fists winding up Pop Tate from thrashing Segarini.
Segarini: Hah! Look at that! I helped the community with its greatest eyesore!
Panel three: Segarini has his arms folded across his chest as he begins to think to himself as he shifts his eyes towards Jughead who is jumping on one foot with his hands at his head as the animatronics all do the same.
Segarini thinking: Haven’t seen Tate this riled since I placed that mouse in his ground beef stock! He’d just love to pay me back!
Segarini thinking: But I’ll be out of town tonight to meet with investors! And even if the time locks are working, I can’t take chances!
Panel four: Segarini is approaching Jughead and putting his arm around his shoulders as he gets Jughead’s attention. The animatronics pair up and mimic Jughead and Segarini’s body language.
Rocky Raccoon: Hi! Let’s Play!
Segarini: Jughead, how would you like to do a little favor for your pal Segarini…?
Jughead: Dishonest people wanting a boon bodes not well for the naïve and kind of heart.
« on: February 28, 2015, 05:42:45 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Jones living room as Mr. Jones is pointing out to the driveway as it is covered in nearly a foot of snow as it continues to snow outside. Jughead looks blankly out the window as he tells his father what he sees.
Mr. Jones: Jughead, my son, how does the driveway look to you?
Jughead: Hard to say. It’s covered in nearly a foot of snow.
Mr. Jones: So it is.
Panel two: Mr. Jones is holding a snow shovel as Jughead cups his right hand just under his chin as he begins to think about his father’s next question.
Mr. Jones: And this is a snow shovel.
Jughead: A very nice one at that.
Mr. Jones: And when you put a snow covered driveway and a snow shovel together, what do you get?
Panel three: Jughead smiles and points to the window.
Jughead: I got it! Since you drew attention to the driveway and you have the snow shovel…
Jughead: …That means you’ll be the one who clears off the driveway with it!
Panel four: Jughead is outside at the steps of his front door as the door slams behind him. He is wearing his coat, snow hat with his hat on top of it, a scarf and he has the snow shovel in his right hand as he looks out at the driveway.
Jughead: I deduce that I am no Sherlock Holmes.
Panel one: Jughead begins to shovel up his driveway as he angrily grumbles to himself. He is throwing a pile of snow behind his back as he works, not noticing that a white rabbit was hidden in the snow and is happily taking a ride with the rest of the shoveled snow.
Jughead: Don’t see why I have to do this—the sun will melt it eventually!
Panel two: Jughead turns to look at the rest of the driveway to see how much he has to do.
Jughead: And why is it called a driveway when you park your car on it? Pure madness I tell’s ya!
Panel three: Jughead glares ahead at what he sees.
Jughead: And, a more important question....
Panel four: Jughead points at Trula Twyst who is on the sidewalk just ahead of the Jones driveway as she is wearing a yellow coat, green beret hat, and is silently watching Jughead with an emotionless face. Behind Trula several kids are pushing a snowman on a sled along that has a sign reading: SNOWMAN FOR RENT (Get it while it’s COLD).
Jughead: What is Trula Twyst, my archenemy, doing so close to the parameter of my stronghold!?
Panel one: Jughead shakes a fist at her as she remains perfectly still. Behind her a pair of kids have two snowman on toboggans that are charging at each other, each snowman is armed with a giant icicle for a spear. Each kid cheers his snowman on. The kids on the right is wearing blue, the kid on the left is wearing red.
Jughead: Get out of here! Vamoose! Begone from my safe haven yon Witch of Twyst!
Panel two: Trula doesn’t respond as Jughead becomes more frustrated. Behind Trula the blue kid’s snowman has lost as it has been beheaded. The kid in red comforts the kid in blue as the kid in blue kneels down and holds up the snowman’s head like a scene for Hamlet. The winning snowman has a frown on his expression, saddened by what has happened to his snowman compatriot. The rest of the losing snowman is still on its toboggan with its wooden arms feeling where its head used to be.
Panel three: Jughead waves the shovel in her direction as if to shoo her away to no effect.
Jughead: Go away! Shoo Shoo! Go Away!
Panel four: Jughead puts the shovel down as he sees it is having no effect on Trula.
Panel five: Jughead goes back to work on his second giant scoop of shoveling as Trula continues to watch silently. Jughead is shoveling one handed as he puts another hand over his mouth as he nearly becomes sick. Again another white bunny, this one female and wearing a pink ribbon is happily riding the snow pile as the other bunny looks on with hearts over its head.
Jughead: Fine. Stand there like a statue. I don’t care. I’ve got work to do.
Jughead: --Ugh. Threw up in my mouth…
Panel one: Jughead is halfway though with his driveway as Trula is still standing like she was as she silently watches Jughead.
Jughead thinking: Sheesh! This is like having the angel of death watching over you!
Panel two: Jughead is scooping up more snow as he turns to look at Trula who remains perfectly still and is watching him. The two white bunnies are making a snowrabbit, but the boy bunny eats the carrot as the female bunny shrugs her shoulders in “oh well.”
Jughead thinking: This is weird. This isn’t like that curly haired fiend at all. She hasn’t said a word. Hasn’t moved an inch. Just watching me with those dead souless eyes…
Panel three: Jughead is eyeing Trula suspiciously.
Jughead thinking: She’s up to something…
Panel four: Jughead is shoveling more snow as he is 3/4ths of the way done as several white rabbits begin having a snow fight right behind Jughead as the boy bunny shield the female bunny who looks at him gallantly. The other bunnies come up from the snow in the yard out of no where.
Jughead: Must be some sort of silent treatment. Probably meant to get me to react, bring out my anxieties, spill my beans…
Panel five: Jughead points a Trula as Trula looks on still blankly.
Jughead: Well it ain’t gonna work!
Panel six: Jughead puts both hands over his mouth to shut himself up as Trula finally begins to chuckle.
Jughead thinking: …Anymore.
TO BE CONTINUED
« on: February 19, 2015, 11:29:46 AM »
Panel one: A close up on Reggie as he is standing on a snow covered hill as he gazes out at the landscape of a suburban area of Riverdale with the roof tops covered in snow as the sun breaks through the gray clouds overhead and a beam of light focuses on him like a stage light. Reggie has his arms stretched out as he soaks in the beauty of it all. He is wearing a snow cap, gloves and a coat with his face on the back with #1 written just under his face. Behind him three squirrels (one fat, another tall, and another skinny) are riding white rabbits as they are using icicles to playfully joust with.
Reggie: Look at it. A snow covered landscape.
Reggie: A blanket of pure white over all of Riverdale. So serene. To think of all the individual snow flakes to make up this wonder…
Panel two: A close-up on Reggie’s face as he has a warm smile on his face and his eyes flutter as he is seemingly filled with warm happy thoughts.
Reggie: I can only think of one solitary thing that could surpass such a sight…
Panel three: Reggie is bent over and is beginning to make a snowball as we can see Jughead walking down just below the hill. Jughead is wearing a large green and red plaid coat, large ear muffs, his hat, and a scarf wrapped around his neck. Behind Reggie, the fat squirrel has won as the other squirrels are stuck in the snow head first as their rabbits try to dig them out. The fat squirrel pets his rabbit on the nose as a way of saying, job well done.
Reggie: --Popping cue snoot with an 80 MPH snowball!
Panel one: In the foreground Jughead is looking ahead as he has both of his gloved hands in his coat pocket and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. In the background, Reggie is throwing a snowball at Jughead as the snowball has small flames around it to show how hard and fast it is coming in on Jughead.
Reggie: Icy death from above, sucker!!
Panel two: Jughead suddenly twists his hips to facing the snowball as the snowball is streaking towards him. His facial expression remains vacant.
Panel three: Jughead pulls out an empty snow cone from his left pocket to catch the snowball in.
Panel four: Jughead takes his right hand out of his pocket as it has a small vial of cherry flavoring as he begins to pour it on the snowball.
Panel five: Jughead begins to take a lick of his newly made cherry flavor snow cone as he nods in approval.
Panel six: Jughead uses one hand to wave at Reggie as he continues to lick his snow cone and walk away as if what happened was a mundane, everyday experience. In the background Reggie is red face and stomping his feet and kicking up snow.
Jughead: Thanks, Reg.
Reggie: You’ll be eating more snow than just that before I’m through with you, Jones!!
Jughead: Sounds yummy.
Panel one: Reggie is peaking behind a shrub as “Jughead” is standing in the center of a line of snowmen with his back turned to Reggie. Next to Reggie is a snowball with Jughead’s name etched into it. Each snowman is dressed different: One is a musketeer, another is a fireman, another Cosmo the merry Martian, another is a clown, and the last is an astronaut. “Jughead”’s body motion is looking like he is examing the snowmen. Each snowmen has his arm behind its back where you can’t see what might be there.
Reggie whispering: Look at that. Making idiotic snowmen. Almost makes me feel like I’m wasting my time pelting that dummy’s noggin.
Panel two: Reggie jumps out from his spot and hits “Jughead” across the back of his head.
Panel three: Reggie pulls at his hair in alarm as “Jughead’s head falls off while the rest of his body remains perfectly still.
Panel four: Reggie is rushing over to “Jughead’s” severed head as he has a thought balloon of himself in a winter wonderland prison guarded by snow elves.
Reggie: Jughead! Say something! Eat a snack! Make a quip!
Panel five: Reggie bends down to pick up “Jughead’s severed head as he is nervous about it.
Reggie: Okay, okay, Reg. You heard an abdominal snowman and you found Jughead like this. Everyone will believe you. You’re awesome!
Panel six: Reggie turns “Jughead’s head around to see that it was just a snow head that was carefully made up to look like Jughead’s head. Jughead’s scarf and hat fall off to show this. The snow head is making a face at Reggie as Reggie reacts in shock.
Reggie: What sick snow miser could have conjured this up--?!!
Panel one: Reggie crushes the fake head in both hands as he grinds his teeth and flames are in his eye.
Reggie: When I’m done with that smart aleck, they’ll have to move to the Caribbean to defrost him!
Panel two: Reggie looks up as he hears a voice calling him to attention. Reggie looks ahead with wide eyes.
Jughead off panel: psst.
Panel three: A side view of the line of snowmen as we can see that each has a large snowball behind their back with each having a string that leads to Jughead’s hand as prepares to release the string and have the snowballs waylay Reggie. Reggie looks ahead with his face scrunched and his fists clasped as he realizes just how bad he got played and how much this is going to hurt.
Reggie: Oh, you miserable, lousy, no good---
Jughead: Butterfingers. It’s not just my favorite candy bar.
Panel four: Reggie is taking a giant snowball to the back of his head as it nearly knocks him down with the other four closing in on him as Reggie bends down and tries to shield himself with his arms over the back of his head.
Reggie: So he wants to play rough? Wants to play dirty—arrrkk!
Reggie: Fine by me!!
Panel one: Reggie is on the roof of the Jones home as he is dumping cold water on the snow covered roof so that it will fall to the front of the house. We can see the ladder to the side of house. Through a window we can see inside of the house as a couch is in view.
Reggie: When that glutton saunters outside for his usual afternoon trip to Pop’s—he’ll open the door, close it and—THOOM!
Panel two: Reggie notices that the ladder is being moved as he eyes stretch out in alarm.
Jughead below off-panel: Now who put this here?
Panel three: A low angle view as Jughead is laying the ladder on the ground as Reggie protests as he drops the bucket to his right side. Reggie shakes a fist at Jughead while Jughead puts a hand over his mouth to stop a burp.
Reggie: What are you doing out here, when you should be inside there?
Jughead: Building those snowmen worked my appetite early, so I rescheduled my nap and Pop Tate burgers.
Panel four: Reggie is motioning for Jughead to stop as Jughead opens the front door to his house and prepares to go inside. Reggie’s footing is beginning to slip as the snow on the roof begins to slide down as bits of snow land just behind Jughead as he doesn’t react to it.
Reggie: Well—put that ladder back where it—hey, hey! Don’t do that! Don’t go in!
Jughead: Sorry. I’ve already bent my strict schedule as far as it will go, Reggie.
Panel five: Reggie and all the snow on the roof begin to tumble down. Reggie is flapping his arms with both hands hoping to fly. Just above him is the bucket as it is about to land right on him.
Panel six: Reggie is on the steps of the Jones porch as he is covered in snow and the bucket is stuck to his head as he is so angry he is actually hitting and denting the bucket as he can’t control his rage. Inside, thanks to the window, we can see Jughead happily napping on the couch with a Derby Dalton comic over his face.
Reggie: Picture of a storm cloud, a skull, and a dagger.
Panel one: Jughead is back outside as he is now being pulled on a sled by Hot Dog as he stands up on the sled and is holding out a T-bone tied to a long stick to help motivate Hot Dog to continue onward. Several kids stop building their snow forts to give Jughead a wave as he responds with his free hand. Hot Dog is sniping at the t-bone as it is just out of reach.
Jughead: This is a much better way to trek in the snow.
Hot Dog: Curse my animal instincts and bottomless stomach!
Panel two: Jughead turns his head as he hears Reggie scream off-panel at him
Reggie off-panel: I’ll get you, ugly! And your fat, overweight mutt, too!
Panel three: Reggie is on a black snowmobile as he is racing over a hill and knocking down several snowmen and snow forts as the kids scatter as Reggie comes out like a lunatic. His snow mobile has a picture of a snowman’s head and cross bones. Strapped to the sides of the snowmobile are several large canisters filled with snowballs. Reggie is leaning into the wheel as he eyes flash wildly, like Cruela de Ville. One little kid looks on in amazement as he can’t believe what he is seeing. Several others run away shaking their fists in vengeance at Reggie.
Reggie: Da-da-da-da-DAH-DAH! Da-da-da-da-DAH-DAH!
Panel four: Jughead turns forward as he begins to raise the stick with the t-bone over his head as Reggie in his snowmobile of doom is just seconds from him as Reggie is already throwing snowballs that are coming at Jughead like blue, icy flames.
Jughead: Well, he’s lost what little he had left…
Jughead: Time for evasive maneuvers, Hot Dog.
« on: February 13, 2015, 03:26:40 PM »
PTF Reviews Jughead and Archie #10.
I just don’t get some people. I get my little cousin Spirited Away, a great animated move from Studio Ghibli, and just because I got it at a pawn shop; I didn’t care. Besides, what was I supposed to do, use the money I got this digest with for a slightly better gift? That’s just crazy talk.
Fernando Ruiz art: Heck yeah! Two new stories buy the most beloved artist around these parts. The Feast and the Furious is about Mr. Weatherbee cultivating the tongue of Jughead to fine dining. Snack Attack has a winter field trip to a petting zoo where Jughead and Archie go about the usual business. Both stories a well done and, as always, well drawn. I prefer Snack Attack myself, but Alex Simmons penned script is still a great idea. And we even have a few older stories from Ruiz reprinted. So if you’re a Ruiz fan like me, this issue is great.
DeCarlo Jr. Poor guy never got the respect he deserved. I always felt he was great, but when your father pretty much helped make Archie Comics—yeah, you’re always going to be the guy who never lived up to his father’s potential. I just love the body language he gives all the characters. Probably one of the best of the Archie comics. It’s nice to see him get a big slew of stories.
The Vault: It’s always fun to read the older comics. Plus Jughead isn’t in full on woman hater mode so you don’t have to feel guilty about laughing at the stories. You have Jughead somehow making everyone dumber, a ro(not)bot gag that Reggie takes too far, and Mr. Flutesnott and Coach Kleats trying to trade Jughead off on the other. Plus a fun Archie story involving puppy sitting. All classic stories and all classic art.
Boldman and Lindsey. The greatest pairing since peanut butter and jelly! If you’re a fan like me, you’re going to love this as it is packed with their stories. Jackie Frost, the female embodiment of winter, has come back to visit her old friend Jughead; Jughead has to decide if a candy bar that’s a work of art should be eaten or looked at forever; Archie and Jughead’s consciences decide to swap teens; and that’s just a few of them! This harkens back to the old Jughead double double digest where you pick it up and knew you’re getting great stories because it will have several stories by these two.
Y’know what, just everything. Yeah, that’s how good this digest is. I don’t have a problem with any single story, piece of art, the one page gags are extremely funny. Heck, the cover is great too. One of my complaints that I normally have is Archie stories without Jughead or vice versa, but there are only maybe three of those. So even stories live up the title’s name.
Okay, this one is going to be a little tough…
No That Wilkin Boy. One of my favorite titles isn’t reprinted. So no sage wisdom of Uncle Herman and Sampson. I’m probably going to miss that in later issues after this awesome one.
No Toni Topaz. I kind of expected her to be in a new story and had some jokes wrote out…but I’m gonna have to save them…so you know that was like two minutes of my life I lost…curse you digest…?
It should be called Jughead and Archie Jumbo Jumbo digest. I just like how it rolls off the tongue…
Fine. There’s no real bad. This is a great issue. Probably the best Jumbo digest I’ve read.
Things that I’ve learned.
.1. Hot Dog is a great artist
2 If you want to make food fancy, make it smaller.
3. Floor panels come in toffee color.
4. Never lose your signed coupon book.
5. Music and gym teachers have been at war since school was just the Three R’s.
6. Petting zoos are dangerous
7. Archie cannot distinguish an empty box from a box that actually has something in it.
8. Even if your claptrap snowmobile falls apart after you win a race—the dastardly snow mobile conglomerate will give you four brand new snowmobiles just to keep the secret!
9. Never let Archie help you. With anything. EVER
10. Ol' Charlie...how far you have fallen!
Anyway, this is one of the best jumbo digests I’ve read. Everything is great. Two great new stories from Fernando Ruiz, plenty of classic Jughead artists, great stories. Just buy the issue. It's excellent.
« on: February 05, 2015, 01:15:27 AM »
Panel one: Archie is striding towards the Chocklit Shoppe as he is all smiles. Archie has both of his hands in his Riverdale jacket pocket as he is clutching something inside. Walking along the sidewalk is a man walking a pack of cats as perplexed seeing eye dog looks on and is about to accidentally lead his blind owner into a nearby tree. On the Chocklit Shop window is a flyer for the Josie and the Pussycats that catches Archie’s eye.
Archie: I can’t believe my luck! One little call for one big reward!
Panel two: Archie is walking in when he is disturbed by what he hears and sees.
Archie: I can’t wait to tell—
Veronica off-panel: You would think someone so lazy would be tired of getting in my way!!
Jughead off-panel: Hey, I was here first, so until your daddy buys the state, you can back off, princess!!
Panel three: Archie shakes his head in the background as he walks in as Jughead and Veronica are in the middle of the Shoppe yelling at each other as the Riverdale teens look on from their respective tables. Trula and Ethel are sitting at the counter as Ethel swoons over Jughead while Trula writes down notes in a note pad. Nancy and Chuck are sitting at a table to the left and rolling their eyes. Shrill and Sherry are at a table to the right as Shrill is more annoyed by the two while Sherry listens on while using French fries as makeshift people doing a cheer on their table.
Panel one: Archie steps in between them as he tries to resolve the dispute. Veronica points at Jughead as Jughead just turns his body away and waves her off.
Archie: Um, could you two please stop! I have something to tell you that—
Veronica: Jughead! If it wasn’t beneath me and my delicate hands had the strength, I could just throttle you.
Panel two: Jughead turns his head back and sticks his nose up in the air to imitate Veronica and responds.
Jughead: Delicate? Those manhands?
Panel three: Veronica runs over and begins to strangle Jughead as Jughead’s eyes bulge open as he’s taken by surprise.
Veronica: Why you little smart mouth--!!
Jughead: Ack ack! Proving ---glrrkk—my point…!!
Panel four: Veronica is continuing to strangle Jughead as Jughead’s face is turning blue as he has fallen to his knees. Jughead, in response, has his hands pushing against Veronica’s face as he tries to get her away from him. Archie is vainly trying to pull the two apart. Walking past are Moose and Reggie shake their heads in shame at the display of violence they are witnessing.
Veronica: Get your hands off my face!!
Jughead: ggllaa rrrkkk
Caption: Translation: What do you expect to do!? Whistle!?
Archie: Would you two stop it already!!
Panel one: Jughead is back to his feet as he is continuing to push against Veronica’s face while Veronica continues to throttle Jughead. Just behind them is Archie as he is pleading for them to stop!
Archie: C’mon! We’re all friends! Both of you let go at the same time!
Panel two: Veronica and Jughead both pull their arms back and take a step back as they both accidentally double slap Archie who goes wide-eyed, cross-eyed as stars and planets are over his head to symbolize how much that hurt.
Veronica and Jughead: FINE!
Panel three: Archie is holding both face cheeks as Veronica and Jughead go over to check on him as they have momentary forgotten their argument. Veronica is pushing her hair back in place while Jughead is using one hand to rub his aching neck.
Veronica: Oh, Archiekins, I didn’t mean for that to happen!
Jughead: Arch, pal, I’m so sorry!
Panel four: Veronica and Jughead are at a loss for words as an angry Archie glares up at the two of them.
Veronica and Jughead: …
Panel five: Jughead and Veronica point fingers at each other as they blame the other as Archie frowns as he pulls at his hair as he is to the breaking point.
Jughead and Veronica: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Panel one: Archie pushes past Veronica and Jughead as he begins to storm out of the Chocklit Shoppe. Jughead and Veronica turn to each other as they key in on the prize Archie won.
Archie: Sheesh! All I wanted to do was tell you two about the all expense paid, you and a guest, all you can eat five day trip on DeCarlo Cruise ship I won!
Panel two: Veronica and Jughead suddenly run up and point at themselves as they are all smiles.
Veronica and Jughead: And you are plan on taking me, right?
Panel three: Jughead and Veronica turn and begin to argue. Veronica uses her thumb to point behind her to illustrate her point; Jughead points at both of his eyes with his two fingers to illustrate his.
Veronica: Why would he take you? One smorgasbord and Archie’s a distant memory!
Jughead: Well, it’s a forgone conclusion that when you see any other guy, Archie will be yesterday’s news!
Panel four: Veronica begins to flirt with Archie as Jughead looks on crossly. Veronica puts her head at Archie’s chest and playfully pokes his nose as she smiles at him. Archie is beginning to go into a love daze as a result. Jughead is adjusting the hat on his head like he is preparing to take care of business.
Veronica: Archie, you wouldn’t want to leave your widdle Ronnie behind, would you?
Panel five: Jughead puts Veronica in a full nelson lock as he pulls her away from Archie and breaking Archie out of his trance.
Jughead: Sinister Siren! Be hex my friend no more this day!
Veronica: How dare you touch me, you churl!
Panel six: Archie stomps his foot as Veronica and Jughead look on in awe as they have never seen Archie so angry. Jughead begins to let go of Veronica as Veronica lowers her arms.
Archie: THAT TEARS IT!
Panel one: Archie points at both them; his right hand at Veronica and his left at Jughead.
Archie: I am tried of you two always fighting!
Archie: You want to know who I’m taking on the cruise! I’ll tell you…
Panel two: Jughead and Veronica turn to the other in bewilderment and terror as Archie tells them the conditions of the contest to see who goes with him. Archie claps his two hands together to symbolize the two having to get along with each other.
Archie: …Whoever is nicer to the other!!
Panel three: Archie continues to talk as Veronica looks like she wants to throw up and Jughead looks like he’d rather get bitten by a rattlesnake.
Archie: The cruise is in a week, so for six days you two have to be nice to the other. Whoever does the best job takes the trip with me.
Panel four: Veronica and Jughead turn and hug each other as Archie looks on happily. Veronica lays her head on Jughead’s shoulder and Jughead lays his head on Veronica’s.
Veronica: Why that will be easy considering how wonderful Jughead is!
Jughead: And Veronica is so delightful to be around, this will be a breeze!
Panel five: Veronica’s face turns harsh as she whispers into Jughead’s ear.
Veronica whispering: The only trip you’re going on is to Loserville. Population: you.
Panel six: Jughead whispers into Veronica’s ear as he retorts and responds in kind.
Jughead: Your dad will invest in real estate there after I’m done with you.
TO BE CONTINUED.
« on: January 27, 2015, 08:47:45 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Lodge dining room as various servants and staffs are lining up tables and setting them up for a banquet. The tables have fine white linings over them and the chairs are handmade craft of the finest. Smithers is telling the staff what to do as he is calm in the storm of chaos that is going on around him. One maid is dusting off a male servant’s face as another looks on with a chuckle. Two maids are arguing over various spoon placements in front of a seat. Chef Gaston is chasing after a live turkey with a meat cleaver as the turkey turns its head to make faces at Gaston. Over the room is a banner reading: WELCOME MAHARAJA, YOU’RE A GREAT FELLA!! The banner is being hung up by a servant on an unsteady ladder. Mr. Lodge has his back turned to this as he points out of the dinning room as he makes a request of Veronica and Archie.
Mr. Lodge: Archie, Veronica, would you two go to storage vault 3 and bring the Jihong Porcelain? It was a gift from the Maharaja of Selalotta. It’d be perfect for the banquet.
Veronica: Not a problem, daddykins.
Panel two: Archie is talking to Veronica as they are about to walk out of the dining hall as Mr. Lodge is in the background with his attention seemingly back to preparing the dining hall for the banquet. The turkey now has the cleaver and is chasing after Gaston as everyone looks on in surprise.
Archie: Ronnie, it looks like your dad is finally beginning to have some faith in me.
Panel three: Archie’s pride is quickly deflated as Mr. Lodge comments to the amusement of Veronica as playfully pinches Archie’s face cheek.
Mr. Lodge: No. I just feel that if you’re going to be here, you might as well try and make yourself useful.
Panel one: Veronica and Archie are walking down a spiral of stairs as they head to the basement of the Lodge Manner. There are several lights along the wall to lead the way as they descend downward. The staircase seems to go down miles. On the wall is a map showing the world and an arrow pointing near the earth’s core reading: YOU ARE HERE.
Archie: Storage vaults? I’ve never been to the storage area.
Veronica: It’s were daddy keeps his most valuable, memorable possessions he’s collected over the years.
Panel two: Archie jokes as Veronica rolls her eyes.
Archie: Us common folk call that “a basement”.
Veronica: Funny. I thought that was where your hot water heater, dryer, and washer were.
Panel three: Veronica has reached the last step as Archie follows two steps behind
Archie: Say, when your dad said “vault three” does that mean literally…?
Panel four: Archie is in awe as he is looking ahead a three marked old fashion vault doors labeled with 1 2 3 with the only way to open it is to turn a giant metal knob. Veronica looks at Archie and doesn’t understand why he is so impressed.
Archie: Yowza! You’d think that your family was storing gold bars for the government!
Veronica: No, those gold bars belong to our family, and that’s vault one. What we need is vault three.
Panel one: Veronica begins to flirt with Archie as she rubs her hand through his hair and presses her lips against his right ear as he has a big dopey smile across his face as he falls for Veronica’s charms.
Veronica: Oh, Archie, you’re so big and strong, and I know you wouldn’t want me to ruin my manicure…
Veronica: Could you please open the vault door, you strong man you?
Panel two: Archie is struggling as he is turning the old vault knob as he is straining with all his might. Veronica is just behind him and looks on with a smile.
Archie: Not a---URRRRK---problem, my love--!!
Panel three: Archie has the doors open slightly as Veronica casually walks in and motions for Archie to follow. Archie is bent over taking deep breaths as he is totally exhausted as his arms just dangle like limp like noodles.
Veronica: Thanks you, Archie. Now don’t dawdle. I’m going to need you to move boxes around if we’re going to find the porcelain.
Archie: Not (huff huff) a (hhmm) problem…!
Panel four: A shot of inside of the vault as we see how massive it is with shelves upon shelves of various history items. On the wall to the right is a paint of Mona Lisa crying. A sarcophagus is set horizontally in the middle of the room with a sign reading: RESTING PLACE, BUT NOT A SEAT! Various decorative boxes are on the high shelves; in the back are cardboard boxes that read LESS THAN A MILLION. A statue of the Venus de Milo with arms and giving two thumbs up is in front of the left side shelf. The left side has various literature, old stamp collections, and vases. The right side has jewels, crowns, tiaras, The Hopeful Diamond, and various other expensive items. Archie is looking in with disbelief at what he is seeing. Veronica looks around as if this is every day for her as she tries to remember where the porcelain is as she has her index finger scratching the bottom of her chin.
Archie: This isn’t a storage room! It’s a mini-museum!
Veronica: Now where would that porcelain be placed…?
Panel one: Archie is closing the vault door behind him as the other side of the vault door is similar to the front as Veronica looks over at the cardboard boxes. Archie responds lightheartedly to Veronica.
Veronica: Now I remember! Daddy hid the fine ware behind the less than a million dollar pile to throw off robbers!
Archie: Yep, I wouldn’t even bother looking there.
Panel two: Archie is looking behind the less than a million dollar pile of boxes as we can only see his backside. Veronica has pulled out a small make-up mirror as she looks herself over.
Veronica: Find it yet, Archie?
Archie: Ugh. Not yet, but—
Panel three: Veronica’s eyes light up in alarm in response to what Archie says he has found. Veronica lets the mirror slip out of her fingers and her hair stands up on end as a horrible secret from the past is about to be revealed.
Archie off-panel: Ronnie, there’s an old box down here marked “ArCHie’s Toyz”.
Panel four: Veronica begins to run towards Archie as Archie is sitting down as he is looking through the box.
Veronica: No! Wait, that must be—a joke! It’s a joke! Ha Ha!
Panel five: Veronica is behind the pile of boxes as she looks on with worry as Archie is happily taking out various toys from the box. In one hand is a Cosmo The Merry Martian action figure as he plays with it like he was eight years old as he pretends that it can fly.
Archie: No! It’s my old toys from when I was a kid! All of them!
Archie: You remember! I lost them all and then you—
Panel six: Archie stares suspiciously at Veronica as Veronica feigns whistling and leans back and forth on the ball of her heels as she tries to look innocent.
Archie: --You replaced them for me…
Panel one: Archie has his eyes rolled up as he is thinking back to when he was a kid as Lil Archie is in his room and tossing socks and Pep Comics from under his bed as he frantically looks for one of his toys. In the doorway to his room is Lil’ Veronica is standing and hiding something behind her back.
Lil’ Archie: I can’t believe it, Lil’ Veronica! I lost another one of my toys! That’s twelve this week!
Panel two: Archie continues to reflect back his eyes narrow as he begins to think harder. In the background Veronica is handing Lil’ Archie a Captain Pow action figure still in the box as Lil’ Archie is overjoyed.
Lil’ Veronica: Really? Was it…this one?
Panel three: Archie face scrunches up as he realizes what has happened. In the background Lil Archie begins jumping on his bed and playing with the Captain Pow action figure as Lil’ Veronica begins to reach down from behind her back for one of Lil’ Archie’s toys (A Super Duck action figure) as Lil’ Archie completely doesn’t notice.
Lil’ Archie: Great! Now I just remember where I put Super Duck action figure!
Lil’ Veronica: Well, if you can’t find it, I’ll buy you a new one. You can always depend on me!
Panel four: Archie begins to rummage through the box of his toys to see that they are all the ones that he thought he had lost years ago.
Archie: These are all my old toys! I thought I lost them, but you took them!
Panel five: Veronica tries in vain to wave off Archie.
Veronica: Don’t be absurd! Why would I take your toys! I’m rich! Besides, I was kind enough to replace them for you!
Panel six: Archie begins to stand up as he confronts Veronica. Veronica becomes angry as Archie points a finger directly at her nose.
Archie: I don’t know why! I don’t understand how the criminal mind works!
Veronica: And what is that supposed to mean!??
Archie: I’ll tell you what it means!
Panel one: Archie goes nose to nose with Veronica as he confronts her on her past deeds. Veronica becomes agitated in response as she grinds her teeth.
Archie: You’re a thief!
Panel two: Veronica yells back at Archie as Archie stands defiant as Veronica jabs a finger into his chest.
Veronica: How dare you! I am a Lodge! I haven’t stolen a single thing in my entire life!
Panel three: Archie motions back towards the box of toys with one hand as Veronica points to the vault door for him to leave.
Archie: Right! You’ve stole multiple things!
Veronica: Why you—ungrateful…get out! I want you out now! And take your filthy toys with you!
Panel four: Archie walks past Veronica carrying the box of toys as she turns her nose up and has her arms folded across her chest as she refuses to acknowledge him. Archie looks straight ahead and doesn’t acknowledge her as he passes her by.
Veronica: And just so you know, consider us over, you geek!
Archie: That’s fine by me, you klepto!
Panel five: Veronica turns her head as she hears something concerning off panel behind her.
Archie off-panel: Ooops.
Panel six: Veronica is enraged and red faced as she turns to see that Archie has broken the vault knob off in his hands and now has trapped them in the storage vault. The box of toys is at Archie’s feet as he looks on worriedly.
Veronica: Well that’s just great!!
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