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Topics - PTF
« on: January 16, 2015, 11:20:15 AM »
Well, I’m finally getting over the flu. Got it from my neighbor’s kid after I got her kitten down from a tree and she coughed on me. Curse that evil little child….
But I did pick up Jughead and Archie and Betty and Veronica digest. So things are looking up.
1. New story. Everybody likes something new. Well, at least until we install the new Windows an IT has some sort of problem with it too! The story involves Ethel making a wish to receive a kiss from Jughead and the Cupids trying to make it happen. Pretty fun story and I really liked the cupids design (Cupid Dan ruled). And I liked the ending because everybody gets what they want and it doesn’t betray Jughead’s character and I can believe a certain cupid’s plan can work.
2. Craig Boldman and Rex Lindsey. A few great stories with Jughead and his ears having to find a way to deal with winter, Jughead making twenty dollars off of a five dollar bottle, and Jughead in woodshop. Stories are all really funny and Lindsey knocks it out of the park like normal.
3. Schwartz. The legend has a few stories like The Healer where Mr. Lodge falls, hurts his back, and has to rely on Archie and Jughead. You can guess where this goes. A few gag pages. Jughead, basketball and pizza make a great combo in another of his tales. And my favorite is the classic “Trail’s End” where Moose is on the hunt and you do not want to be the one making the footprints he’s following.
4. The Art. There’s some really good art (and some bad) but mostly good. You have Fernando Ruiz who really elevates a pretty boring story thanks to his art. Stan Goldberg. Bill Gavin has some great art and it helps with some awesome inking from Terry Austin. Gavin contributes. So it’s not really a legend varierty, but a bunch of guys who are really good but never the fame or credit they deserve type deal.
5. That Wilkin Boy. Two fun stories involving Rebel being awesome and saving Mrs. Wilkin and another where Bingo tries to show off his history learning as Samantha and Teddy just mess with him. Even has a funny edit by Archie with “Better stick with the Cartoon Network over the History Channel.” Um, I’ve see the Cartoon Network recently. I wouldn’t make my worst enemy watch Clarence or Uncle Grandpa.
6. If you like Jughead without lunch, you’ll like this digest. A few stories focus on Jughead forgetting his lunch for school and him daydreaming about everything being food to everyone helping him out.
The art. I’ve mentioned how I wasn’t a big fan of Pat Kennedy’s but lately Pat’s art has really improved…yeah, well both Kennedy’s were on art choirs and they didn’t do a good job for the new story. At least with Ethel. Just check out her chin, it goes rectangular, round, pointy, to normal and looking a lot like Midge in the last page. I know it’s picky, but it really bothered me. I mean Ethel isn’t a polymorph. And there’s a few more Kennedy art in the digest that I’ve not a fan of.
Archie in Girls Galore. You know what I hate??? The Archie Stories that bother me the most!!! Let me tell you!!! It’s the one’s that have three exclamation marks at the end of ever sentence!!! It’s like the characters are screaming at the top of their lungs!!! It’s really annoying!!!
Jughead’s mom. …Can we please not draw her like a female Jughead. It’s not funny anymore! It just bothers me still. I just thought I'd take the time and point it out. Seriously, stop it!
Ten Things I’ve learned from reading this digest:
1. If the police will not stop a criminal, Archie Andrews will
2. Robinson Crusoe is a fictional character
3. Eating two pizzas makes Jughead play like Lebron James…the Heat version.
4. Never go to sleep right after reading the works of Edgar Allen Poe.
5. Rebel is hardcore and will do what it takes to save your life!
6. The Cafeteria Managers Workshop is not a gathering of friends…or good food.
7. Monsters do not exist, but why take chances?
8. Hamburgers make great earmuffs.
9. Show a chef how to make his food better and eat for free
10. The reason why a guy falls in love is because midgets wearing diapers shoot them in the rear with heart shaped arrows.
I wouldn’t exactly call this the best digest ever, but it’s pretty good. I think the new story was good, but with some flaws in the art and I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that…we’re never going to have another digest that’s mostly Boldman, Lindsey, and Schwartz ever again. But we do get some variety. I give the digest a B, so check it out.
« on: January 13, 2015, 10:18:28 PM »
Panel one: The Setting is inside of the Lodge mansion as Mr. Lodge sticks his head out as he checks to see if the coast is clear. He adjusts his glasses with his right hand as if his glasses can somehow scan the area better.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge has a small NES—A GES here—with the controls under his arm pits as he sneaks out into a hallway on his tippy-toes. Archie is in the background as he notices Mr. Lodge acting strangely.
Archie thinking: Huh. So that’s how you sneak around in the old timey days.
Panel three: Archie ducks behind a corner as he watches Mr. Lodge sneak into one of the mansion’s many rooms.
Archie: Of course, that begs the question: why would Mr. Lodge sneak around his own home?
Archie: And what’s that weird gray box?
Panel four: Archie sticks his head through the door as he looks inside.
Archie: I don’t believe it…!
Panel five: Archie opens the door quietly as he looks inside to see Mr. Lodge sitting in his chair and playing the Game Entertainment System as he has the controls up to his face as he squints his left eye and sticks his tongue out to his right as he is fully concentrated on the game. Mr. Lodge has connected the GES to a small flat TV on a massive coffee table as he is just a few inches from the TV as he leans his head forward. Just to the side of his chair are a bottle of water, a broke down game genie, and a player guide that is torn and withered with age and usage.
Mr. Lodge: It may have taken me thirty years--but I’m finally going to best you, Crocodile Cody!!
Panel one: Archie is standing right next to Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge doesn’t notice as he fully into the game as he is pressing the A and B buttons like a maniac as he twists the controller.
Archie: Wow. So this is one of the old Game Entertainment System. I didn’t think an antique like this would still work.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge is pressing the up key repeatedly as he talks with Archie as Archie leans in closer to watch.
Mr. Lodge: That’s the trouble with your generation. You think of time like milk, while it’s really like wine. Just getting better with age.
Archie: If you say so, sir.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge eyebrows perk up as he finally notices Archie in the room.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge turns to Archie and yells at him as Archie points to the screen
Mr. Lodge: Archie!! What are you doing here?!
Archie: You better hurry and jump before that platform fades away.
Panel five: Mr. Lodge turns to the TV and frantically presses buttons in a vain attempt to save his character.
Mr. Lodge: Ackh! No! No! I was almost halfway through level one!
Panel six: Mr. Lodge throws the controller down to his knees as he bends over and growls in anger as he hits the arm rest of his chair with his right hand. Archie looks on with a smile.
Archie: Halfway through the first level…? That’s the best you’ve done in thirty-three years?
Mr. Lodge: No! I’ve been to level four, smart mouth!
Panel one: Archie puts a finger on the game control cord as Mr. Lodge is getting even more frustrated with him.
Mr. Lodge: Veronica went with her mother to the mall. They and half of the mall will not be back for hours. Go away.
Archie: A cable? Wow. I’ve seen pictures…
Panel two: Archie points at the TV screen as it shows a 8 bit picture of The Adventures of Crocodile Cody jumping over a digital gator while two poachers are shooting at him with slim rectangular bullets. Mr. Lodge snarls at the screen and shakes a fist at it as it fills him with rage.
Archie: What’s this game anyway?
Mr. Lodge: It’s The Adventures of Crocodile Cody. The hardest game ever created by the collaborative minds of sadists and nihilists! That’s what it is!
Panel three: Mr. Lodge presses the select button as he reluctantly shows Archie his answer. Mr. Lodge looks slightly embarrassed as he obviously has a secret he is hiding.
Archie: So you or any of your friends never beat it?
Mr. Lodge: …Just one.
Panel four: The TV screen has a top scores with the top ten highest score. All the scores are done by H and the scores range from 97, 000 to 90,000 points. Archie asks Mr. Lodge a question as Mr. Lodge turns away, rubbing his right hand through his hair, as he tries to avoid answering.
Archie: “H”? Who is that?
Mr. Lodge: --erm, um…an old friend.
Panel five: Archie is laughing as Mr. Lodge looks over and glares at him as his the grip on the GES control tightens.
Archie: Hah! Imagine, one of the top entrepreneurs in the world can’t handle this simple little game!
Mr. Lodge: Well, if it’s such a “simple little game”…
Panel six: Mr. Lodge shoves the control in into Archie’s chest and points at the TV screen as its back to the start.
Mr. Lodge: …Then show me how it’s done, gameboy!
Panel one: Mr. Lodge gets out of his chair and motions for Archie to take a seat as Archie happily complies.
Archie: No prob. There isn’t a game that can best Archie Andrews!
Panel two: Archie looks at the screen as he notices how bad the graphics are compared to today as Mr. Lodge’s mustache twists in annoyance.
Archie: What is this…eight bits? Wow. It’s like little blocks! And are their only eight colors?
Panel three: Archie pulls at the cord as Mr. Lodge frowns as Archie is annoying him even more.
Archie: Kinda weird not to be able to move. I mean, this is like an anchor!
Panel four: Archie looks at the control as Mr. Lodge grips the head of the chair tightly as he looks like he is about to explode in rage.
Archie: And how do you do combos? Like Up, Down, B,A,B?
Mr. Lodge: No—you just press one button to move and one button to jump and one button to use the whip!
Panel five: Archie finally begins to play the game as he bends over just over the edge of the chair and he begins to press buttons as he is full of confidence. Mr. Lodge rolls his eyes in disbelief as he has zero faith in Archie.
Mr. Lodge: Tell you what, Archie. You set the new top score, and I’ll reinstate your front door privileges.
Archie: Really?! Wow! You must have faith in me!
Mr. Lodge: No. I just never make a wager without knowing the outcome beforehand.
Panel one: Archie slams the controller down as Mr. Lodge looks on with satisfaction as Archie finally gets how hard this game is.
Caption: Game Over at the Level one Boss later…
Archie: This is impossible!! The main boss has three times the health and two times the ammo!
Panel two: Archie begins to stand up and reach for his cellphone as he plans on seeing The Adventures of Crocodile Cody beat one way or the other. On the TV screen is Cody making faces at Archie.
Archie: I may not be able to beat it, but I have friends! Chuck is into these nostalgia games, Dilton won the Video Game Championship…
Archie: …and I’ll coat the stupid cartridge in chocolate and let Jughead eat it, if all else fails!
Panel three: Mr. Lodge places a hand on Archie’s shoulder and ups the ante as Archie nods in approval as both are determined to see the game beat no matter what.
Mr. Lodge: Tell them there’s a thousand dollars to anyone who gets me the top score!
Panel four: Outside of The Lodge Mansion in a high angle view. Mrs. Lodge and Veronica are stepping out of their limo as two limos are just behind them and we can see that they are packed with various clothes, boxes, jewelries and ect. Various furniture are strapped to the top of the limos and looks like it could fall any second. Several members of the Lodge work staff are bringing dollies to help unload all the purchased items.
Veronica: Mommykins, that was a fun afternoon!
Mrs. Lodge: I always enjoy these bounding moments with you, Veronica. When I was your age I was always surrounded by your father’s friends and--
Panel five: Veronica and Mrs. Lodge look on as a dejected Archie, Chuck, Dilton, and Jughead with a sandwich stuffed in his mouth walks out in total defeat. Mrs. Lodge and Veronica look on in confusion.
Archie: Epic fail!
Chuck: I’d rather grapple with a real gator!
Panel one: Veronica and Mrs. Lodge are walking down a hallway as Mr. Lodge stomps out of the room in anger as he, Archie, and his friends failed to defeat the game.
Mr. Lodge: I swear! One day I’m going to buy that game company and make them remake that game easier!
Mrs. Lodge: Hiram?
Panel two: Mr. Lodge closes the door and blocks it with his entire body as Mrs. Lodge smiles coyly and Veronica looks on suspiciously.
Mr. Lodge: Hermione! Veronica! My, don’t you two look beautiful!
Mrs. Lodge: Others try, some are just natural, sweetie.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge grabs Hermione by her arm and leads her away from the room as Hermione willing plays along as Veronica eyes the closed door as she strokes the left side of her face with her index finger.
Mr. Lodge: Now why don’t you tell me about your day! The weather! Your soaps!
Mrs. Lodge: Oh, if you insist.
Panel four: Mrs. Lodge whispers into Hiram’s ear as Veronica sneaks into the room unnoticed in the background. Hiram’s eyes light up as he realizes Mrs. Lodge is on to him.
Mrs. Lodge whispering: Still trying to beat my score, huh?
Panel five: Mr. Lodge grin as Mrs. Lodge puts her head on his shoulders as they walk away.
Mr. Lodge: Well, “H,” your reign as gamemaster continues.
Mrs. Lodge: Next time let me watch. You’re cute when you play your video games.
Mr. Lodge: Fine. But I still wish that there existed a person with the talent and skill to conqueror that infernal game once and for all.
Panel six: It is now an hour later as Veronica is in the room and has gotten a perfect score as she seemingly has beaten the game effortlessly as she puts in her initials. Veronica is sitting cross-legged in the chair unimpressed as she obviously found the game easy.
« on: January 06, 2015, 02:14:14 PM »
Panel one: At the Lodge Entrance way is Mr. Smithers (with only his upper body shown) as he is using binoculars to see if Archie is trying to sneak inside. What he doesn’t see is to his far left as Archie is sneaking in through a half open window in the left of the of the background. On the ground of the Lodge Estate is several Anti-Archie signs, one reading See Archie, GIVE THE BOOT.
Panel two: As he is inside, Archie is confidently walking backwards away from the window. Archie’s stomach is grumbling to give the reader an idea that he is coming to eat over. Archie is completely unaware that Mr. Lodge is standing right behind him giving him the death glare.
Panel three: Archie is stretching his arms out in victory over his head as Mr. Lodge rolls his eyes.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge taps Archie on the shoulder to get his attention as the startled Archie still has the victory pose.
Panel five: Archie swings around and accidentally hits Mr. Lodge with his cupped hands and knocks him to the ground.
Mr. Lodge: !!!
Panel six: Mr. Lodge is beginning to stand as he glares at Archie. His hair is a mess and he has a bruise on his face with a small red angry pain star also glaring at Archie. Mr. Lodge is using a free hand to straighten his glasses. Archie is backing away as he puts his hands together and attempts to beg for mercy.
Splash Page: A running for his life Archie is being chased by Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge is rolling up his shirt sleeve. Archie has both of his arms pumping up and down and has a small dust cloud reading THE CHASE (the title of the story) behind him. To the right Smithers sighs as he throws the binoculars over his shoulder as he accepts he failed. We can also see all of Smithers to see that he had a giant boot on his right leg to use to kick Archie with to go along with the sign outside. Mr. Lodge has his head back like he is giving out a primal scream. As Archie runs, he accidentally bumps into a vase base and knocks it over.
Panel one: Archie is running along a hallway as he looks back at Mr. Lodge and doesn’t notice a small bump in the carpet.
Panel two: The tip of Archie’s right foot hits the small bump and causes him to sail into the air as Mr. Lodge looks on in amazement.
Panel three: Archie body rolls into a ball as he acts like a pinball and begins to ricochete off the walls, floor and ceiling as he damages the walls, knocks over paints, leaves indentations of his face in the ceiling, and knocks over several heirlooms. Mr. Lodge looks on in horror as he pulls at his mustache in despair.
Panel four: Archie rolls in towards Mr. Lodge in a sitting up position as he has several small planets swirling around his head as Mr. Lodge taps his foot as if waiting for an explanation from Archie.
Panel five: Archie holds up his right foot as a very small pain star is seen as Archie tells Mr. Lodge he stubbed his toe and it hurts. Mr. Lodge’s face is bright red and his hair is standing up on end.
Panel six: Archie is running away from Mr. Lodge and is using both hands to cover his backside as Mr. Lodge attempts to kick him as he gives chase. The two pass over aftermath of Archie’s clumsiness.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge is slowly walking down a hall with various standing knight armor beside him along the left wall. Mr. Lodge has lost sight of Archie as he strains his eyes to find him. On the helmets of the armors are different feathers to distinguish the identical armors. The shields of the armor all show a unicorn with a gold crown on its horn.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge stops as someone sneezes from inside of the armor just beside him him.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge smiles coyly and his eyes shift to the reader as he feels he knows where Archie is.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge removes the helmet from the armor as he prepares to expose Archie but no one is in the armor. Archie looks out from his hiding space behind the armor as he and Mr. Lodge are both confused by the armor sneezing with no one in it.
Archie and Mr. Lodge:
Panel five: Mr. Lodge holds the helmet out as both Mr. Lodge and Archie are examining the helmet as they try to figure out what happened.
Panel six: Both Archie and Mr. Lodge’s hair stands up on end and their faces light up in fear as the helmet speaks. Their bodies straighten up and both are on their heels as they react.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge and Archie both run down the hall as the helmet is on its side as a small mouse comes out and happily admires its mischief.
Panel two: Archie and Mr. Lodge are at a new corridor as they both are trying to calm down. Archie is bent over taking a deep breath as his tongue is sticking out. Mr. Lodge is his back against a wall as he clenches his heart and gives out a sigh of relief.
Panel three: Archie looks over at Mr. Lodge and gives him a thumbs up to show that he’s okay.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge responds the same as Archie is happy to see Mr. Lodge is okay as well.
Panel five: Mr. Lodge’s thumb then does the beheading gesture across his neck as Archie looks on wide-eyed.
Panel six: Archie runs away from Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge stretches his hands out as he tries to snatch Archie by his neck.
« on: January 04, 2015, 01:39:55 PM »
« on: December 17, 2014, 09:12:45 AM »
Part 1: Meet Scrooge.
Panel one: A shot of Dilton up on a snow covered hill as he is wearing a top hat and Victorian clothing as he tips his hat to the reader. It is snowing he looks at the reader. He has a scarf around his neck he adjusts as the wind blows snow past him. The town of Riverdale set in Victorian setting is in the distance below.
Dilton: Salutations, Scholars. My name is Charles Dickens, and I am happy to see that you would keep my company!
Panel two: Dilton is counting on his fingers as he begins to go over a brief history of himself.
Dilton: Hm, now where do I begin…?
Dilton: I was born 1812. A Friday if I recall correctly.
Dilton: I had a pet raven named Grip, who I once hypnotized to think it was a dog. Funny until he buried my favorite slippers!
Dilton: I’m a writer by trade and my other famous works include Oliver Twist, A Tale of Two Cities…
Panel three: Dilton motions down the hill at the Town of Riverdale as we can see the streets are covered in snow and people going about their day. The roofs of all the various buildings and homes are covered with snow and are decorated for Christmas.
Dilton: …And a certain literary work appropriate considering how the current condensation lends itself to the desired chronological occurrence and combination of two literature mediums!
Dilton: Ahem. What I mean is, this is--
Splash page: A shot of Riverdale as everyone is dressed in Victorian clothing. Along the right of the street is Pop Tate’s Tavern, Katy Keene’s New Ode to the Dress Shop, and book store called Take A Stave Shop with a sign on the window reading: Dickens Book Signing (Bring own quill). On the left is Dr. Beauman’s Curiosity shop, Matt Clark & Mary Fine Detective Agency, General Pickens General Store, and the Riverdale Butcher Shop. On the sidewalk are various benders. One is selling pastries, another is selling wooden toys, and another has a stand for imaginary toys as Danny, Juanita and Chloe look on in confusion. Nick St. Claire is coming out of Mr. Beauman’s with a whistling shrunken head wearing a Christmas hat as Bobbi, Rob and Adam take a step back. On the sidewalks are various poor people asking for money. Vic and Bobbie are giving Lil’ Jinx, Gigi, Greg, and Charley a few coins. On the right side of the street is a Christmas tree being decorated by Sherry, Sheila Wu, Ginger Lopez, Tono, and Raj. Behind that tree are several more that they are selling. Lonnie is walking down the street carrying gifts up to his head as Carla uses her cane to guide him away from a patch of ice on the street. Toni Topaz is coming out of the Butcher shop with a turkey nearly half her size as Sayid and Sandy Sanchez look on in amazement. In the background, we can see the hill Dilton/Dickens was standing on and see him as he is looking down at Riverdale.
AN ARCHIE CHRISTMAS CAROL!
Panel one: Lonnie is thanking Carla as she playfully motions at her glasses. Vic and Bobbi are walking along as Jinx and the kids wave goodbye as Greg keeps the money away from Charley who sees the turkey Toni Topaz has as she walks past him. In the background we see a figure wearing a top hat, black suit, and using a cane approach as a cold wind begins to follow behind him.
Caption: Yes, Riverdale during Christmas. A time for joy and merriment for the entire community.
Panel two: The cold wind suddenly hits everyone from the other panel as they begin to shiver and shake uncontrollably while the figure (Reggie as Ebenezer Scrooge doesn’t seem to be affected at all.)
Caption: Save for one person. One person whose heart has grown so cold, the temperature drops in his wake.
Panel three: The teens run away as Ebenezer Mantle is closer into view as he continues along the street. Unlike everyone else whose breath can be seen in the winter air, his cannot. The other children hide behind Jinx. We can better see that Reggie is wearing the traditional Scrooge garb but has the side of his hair white to help look older to fit the part. He is using a cane to swish away snow in his path.
Caption: A stare so frigid and bitter it would be better to be in the company of a hungry polar bear.
Panel four: Ebenezer Mantle is in the middle of the street alone as he is using his cane to smack away the caption box as he turns and snarls at it. Lil’ Jinx is walking towards Ebenezer as the other children motion for the reluctant Jinx to continue as she is hesitant.
Caption: This is Ebenezer Mantle, the meanest, nastiest, greediest, stingiest, sneak-YOW
Ebenezer Mantle: Quiet, you overly ambitious children’s block!
Panel five: In the background E. Mantle is turning to Lil’ Jinx. In the foreground the caption box has been knocked into the street and is halfway in the snow as it shivers and shakes like an actual person would if it was freezing.
Lil’ Jinx: Um, excuse me, sir…
Panel one: Ebenezer Mantle looks down at Lil’ Jinx as Lil’ Jinx fiddles with her hands as she tries to find the right words.
Lil’ Jinx: Me…my friends and I—we don’t have money. Can you spare a bit of change? To help us pay for food or maybe even cloth for the cold nights?
Panel two: E. Mantle begins to walk away as he couldn’t care less about Lil’ Jinx and the rest of the orphans.
E. Mantle: Your parents should have thought of that before they decided to be poor.
Panel three: Lil’ Jinx calls back to E. Mantle as E. Mantle continues to walk ahead, not missing a beat.
Lil’ Jinx: But—but our parents are gone!
Panel four: E. Mantle continues to look on as Lil’ Jinx looks on sadly while the rest of the kids look like they could just kick Mantle as he continues onward. Charley is trying to throw a snowball but Greg stops him.
E. Mantle: In that case, you should have thought of that before you became orphans.
Panel one: Ebenezer Mantle is walking in front of the Christmas tree as Sherry and the rest of the decorators look on as they continue to put on decorations. Raj is motioning towards the other Christmas trees.
Sherry: One, two look at me! Three, four, now the tree!
Sherry: Pretty great, huh?
Panel two: E. Mantle looks at the group and the tree in disdain.
Panel three: E. Mantle looks straight ahead as a dejected Sherry and angry everyone else looks on.
E. Mantle: If you had half a brain amongst you, you would chop up those trees for kindling and make a profit.
Panel four: E. Mantle is walking along as he looks up in alarm at a building with a sign over it reading Firm of Mantle and Cabot 3rd (the last name is crossed out with a black X) and he sees a small trail of smoke coming from the chimney. Mantle reacts to it like it’s the end of the world.
E. Mantle: Ack!
E. Mantle: How dare that carrot top take advantage of my absence like this?!
Panel five: E. Mantle is pushing past The Madhouse Gladys and nearly knocks Fran The Fan down on the street as the group looks at E. Mantle with contempt.
E. Mantle: I’ll pluck him freckle by freckle.
E. Mantle: I’ll boil him in his own pudding!
E. Mantle: I’ll call the cops! The Parliament! The King!
« on: December 02, 2014, 02:39:46 PM »
Panel one: Betty is driving her car with Veronica in the passenger seat as they are passing by several teenage boys on the sidewalk as Veronica looks and waves at them, causing them to form hearts over their eyes. Behind the teenage boys along a building strip is a Dollar Corporal Store and SaveU Drug Store. Betty has her car window up, while Veronica has hers up and lets it toss her hair.
Betty: Thanks for coming along with my grocery shopping, Ronnie. It’s usually pretty boring, so it’s nice to have a friend along.
Veronica: Well, you always accompany me where I want to go, and I thought it might be interesting to see where the other half shop for provisions.
Panel two: Betty parks in a parking lot as Veronica looks ahead in dread, sticking her head out open window with her jaw dropped and eyes wide as possible. Betty turns to her and grins.
Veronica: Wait here?! This—this I thought at least we were going to an Angles! Not a place like this!!
Betty: I thought you wanted to see “were the other half shopped for provisions”?
Panel three: Betty and Veronica step out of the car as Betty shows off the United Grocery Alliance. Veronica is using her left hand as a person and her right fist as an object about to hit her finger person to help illustrate her point. Betty just ignores her and remains positive. Outside of the UGA is a coke machine for 25Cent Soda and a small mechanical broke down rocket that some kid is riding on as her mother looks on. On the windows is a sign reading Mashed Yam Cakes 4 for 5 dollars! And another sign is Week Expired Bread. 4 For 40 cents! On the roof is a red inflatable man moving every which way as the wind blow.
Veronica: Betty, if I want to watch people ride a rollercoaster—I don’t stand on the tracks!
Betty: C’mon! The United Grocery Alliance is great! And you can only get hit by a shopping cart at worse!
Panel one: Veronica is looking around suspiciously as she watches a person with a shopping cart full of Vitamin Z fruit drinks pass by as Betty grabs Veronica by her arm and begins to drag her along.
Betty: Don’t be this way! The UGA has everything any other grocery store has, but twice as cheap!
Veronica: What’s vitamin Z?
Betty: It’s the vitamin that helps a zebra keep its stripes!
Panel two: Veronica follows behind Betty as they enter the UGA through the sliding doors as Veronica looks at a pile of giant cans of Cormato (Corn mixed with Tomatoes) sold in boxes of twenty-four for six dollars. Betty just walks ahead as this is normal to her.
Betty: And you can buy in stock!
Panel three: Veronica is looking at the cashiers of the three aisles as they are attending to customers. While she is doing that Betty is trying to pull a shopping cart free from a long line of shopping carts, but is having trouble. Betty is at the side of the carts as she is trying to pry her shopping cart apart from the rest. As she is doing this someone with a rickety shopping cart goes his way as his entire body jumps and shakes along with his shopping cart.
Veronica: This is quaint. Could you hurry up?
Betty: Just…just---errkk—a second---
Panel four: Betty falls on her back as she pulls too hard as the shopping cart races backwards
Panel five: Betty turns her head and her eyes widen in surprise.
Panel six: Betty races towards Veronica who is half way in the shopping cart after it rammed into her. Veronica looks up groggily and points a finger at Betty. A teenage boy and his mother are leaving as the teenage boy points to Veronica as if he wants to go back and buy his own girlfriend.
Betty: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Veronica: Why…? This the worst you can do to me, isn’t it…?!
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are at the vegetable and fruit section. Betty is looking through several tomatoes that are clearly soft and rotten as she tries to find a good one. Betty swats away a few fruit flies as she is undeterred. Close buy is someone struggling to put a sixty pound bag of potatoes in his shopping cart. Veronica is trying to open one of the small clear bags to put the tomatoes in. She is at her boiling point as she can’t get the bottom to open.
Betty: Okay, I think I found two good ones! You have the bag open?
Veronica: The Gordian knot would be easier to solve!
Panel two: Betty takes the bag as Veronica looks on.
Panel three: Betty simply shakes the bag as it opens up much to Veronica’s bewilderment.
Panel four: Betty puts the tomatoes in the bag as she closes her eyes and smiles at Veronica as Veronica turns to the reader as she twists her face in annoyance.
Panel five: Betty pushes the shopping cart along as Veronica follows close behind as she has her hands in her pockets and lowers her head as she is in a huff. In the background the person with the sixty pound bag of potatoes is in trouble his shopping cart has flipped over on him and trapped his legs. A UGA worker rushes towards him with a car jack.
Veronica: I obviously loosened it up for you!
Betty: Thank you very much.
Veronica: --You’re very, very welcome!
« on: December 01, 2014, 01:08:14 PM »
That I'm worried that a story will start being reprinted in a digest?
That and I'm awfully cheap.
« on: November 26, 2014, 07:06:23 PM »
What are the best Christmas Archie stories?
« on: November 25, 2014, 01:35:21 PM »
PTF Reviews Jughead and Archie #7
Well, a few more days before Thanksgiving/My birthday. Normally it wouldn’t be so bad, but I spent all the money I’ve been saving in change to help pay for my aunt’s wood so she doesn’t freeze. 160 dollars, four loads…and she complains to me about four bad sticks she saw. I could have gotten RVBX. I was saving up for that. Why didn’t I let the old lady freeze?!
But at least I had enough for this digest.
Trula Twyst likes bright shineys: Yeah! Trula story and a fun little detour as Trula loses her venom as Jughead realizes that Trula is one of those people who go around admiring Christmas lights and they get along right until Reggie interferes in a great moment of jerkiness. Usual great story by Craig Boldman and Lindsey.
The Good Christmas stories. You have a fun story where the kids plan a surprise Christmas party for Mr. Weatherbee with Jughead having to get him to the party, Hot Dog plays Santa Claus, and Jughead is all about food, but for the season it’s all about where the food goes. These are all great stories that are heartwarming and funny. I’d give the Hot Dog one the edge
Good Al Hartley. He has three stories in this digest (so haters, you are warned) and two pretty good short stories. Archie and Jughead having to help get a statue of Mr. Lodge to Lodge building (yeah, you can imagine how that went) and we get the classic story where we learn the connection between Jughead’s love of eating and hatred of girls. Both are fun early short stories of Hartley.
Other good stories: Veronica proving Archie doesn’t listen to her and tying it in with Christmas was really clever and funny. Archie and Reggie using Hot Dog to get the attention of a dog walker, Jughead going over how being a helper is fun. But my favorite is probably Miss Beazley reading the school lunch over the intercom after having mixed up her notes was hilarious and even ending on a heartwarming note.
The art. It’s all pretty good. I mean, did anything go wow? No. We got one early Ruiz, Pat Kennedy continues his streak of impressing me (Though why Nancy looks like an African American Midge…wha?) Lindsey was great like always.
That Wilkin Boy. Two fun stories with Sam having a premonition about something bad and another where she wants Bingo and Teddy to actually fight her. There answer is nearly as funny as HER answer in the end.
The Bad Christmas Story. Oh boy. The first, I believe is a new story, is Jughead imaging what he’d give each of his friends. I mean…really? That’s the new story? Nothing new folks. Another is Archie trying to find a Christmas tree and suddenly decides against it when the animals talk him down. I mean, I could get the idea of planting your own tree, but there was no build or hint to the environmental message the story ended on. The last is Jughead as a roaming Substitute Santa in a store owned by a jerk and it ends with…well, him lucking into a promotion and not learning a darn thing. Yeah, the kids get free toys, but not for the right reasons. That’s a horrible message! “Okay, give them an inch and take their mile later.”
The Bad Al Hartley story. 20 pages of “!!!” and “???” Coach Kleats decides to make Jughead PR for the team because….just cause. And it actually starts out good because the art is done by Stan Goldberg so we avoid later Hartley horror and the story actually starts out good, even clever with Jughead’s early idea—but it doesn’t end! And it gets worse and worse! Ethel’s his assistant, but then she’s not. The players are injured in part…then the next part there fine. It’s just a mess.
Boring stories: We have a few stories that are just pretty much boring and teaching the same lesson we’ve all heard all the time. And I don’t mind that. These stories should teach lessons…but I like to believe we can do it in an entertaining way!
What I learned from this issue:
1. That using a hot air balloon to spot in high school football games is not illegal
2. Jughead has great friends considering they got him a real gift and his gifts for them are make believe.
3. With all the “???” and “!!!” people in Riverdale are near deaf and confused.
4. Animals will voice complaints if you try to take their home
5. Manchu Dynasty>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ming Dynasty
6. Christmas lights bring out the best in everyone, even the one person we utterly despise.
7. You cannot duplicate the Jones family recipe
8. Nancy looks a lot like Midge with that new short hairdo.
9. You eat because you hate girls. That’s why most couples let themselves go
10. Santa Paws is commminggg to toowwwn!
When you have as many Al Hartley stories as Boldman/Lindsey stories, you know it’s not going to be a great digest. Heck, when you just have one Schwartz story you know it’s not a good sign! I mean…wow. Just one?!
I liked half of the Christmas stories and didn’t care for the rest. You had two good Hartley stories, but you had a twenty page bad Hartley story. Some good stories, but a few just boring ones. I’m going to have to go with a C
« on: November 22, 2014, 06:25:20 PM »
Panel one: Archie is at his locker as Betty and Veronica begin to argue with one another. Archie rolls his eyes as he really does not want put up with all the bickering. Archie is about to close his locker door as he is using his right hand to hide a Valerie poster from the two distracted girls. Walking down the hall, The Riverdale Bulldog Mascot is arm and arm with Sherry as Shrill looks on mildly amused.
Veronica: Betty, Archie and I are going to the movies tonight!
Betty: No, Veronica, Archie is going to the movies with me!
Archie thinking: All I said was Protagonists 9 looked like fun.
Panel two: Betty and Veronica turns to Archie and both yell at the same time. Betty and Veronica surprise him and cause a knee-jerk reaction for Archie where he slams the locker door on his right hand. Betty and Veronica both point at Archie and have the same body language.
Betty and Veronica: ARCHIE CHOOSE!!!
Panel three: A frustrated Archie looks at Betty and Veronica as he grabs his throbbing hand. Betty is kissing it while Veronica is using her cell phone as she prepares to call for medical help.
Betty: Here let me kiss it and make it better.
Veronica: Hah! Poor People Home Remedy!
Veronica: I have a medical staff at my beck and call!
Panel one: Archie jerks his hand away as he begins to lecture both girls. Betty sucks in her lips while Veronica closes her cellphone as both girls obviously don’t appreciate Archie’s tone.
Archie: That’s enough! You two have been bickering over me nonstop! It has to end before we go beyond mending broken bones!
Panel two: Betty and Veronica return Archie’s look as Archie takes a step back as he fumbles in his pocket as he tries to find a way out of his predicament.
Veronica: We wouldn’t bicker if you would pick one of us first!
Betty: Yeah! Make a choice!
Archie: Um….well, let me think--
Panel three: Archie reaches into his pocket as pulls out a penny and shows it to the girls. Veronica is skeptical, but Betty is all smile and wide-eyed as she likes the idea.
Archie: Okay. I have a fair way to decide. I’ll flip this penny and whoever guesses the correct side, I’ll take to the movies!
Panel four: Archie flips the coin as Betty waves her ponytail like a wagging dog’s tail to illustrate her pick. Veronica folds her arms across her chest and turns her head away.
Betty: Tails never fails!
Veronica: A penny? It’ll obviously side with the poorest person!
Panel five: Archie shows the coin on the back of his hand as it is heads. Betty pouts as Veronica pumps her fists in the air and leaps in joy.
Archie: Heads. Ronnie and me see a flick!
Veronica: Yes! Another victory for the Lodge lineage!
Betty: …well, I did lose fair and square…!
Panel one: The next day in the same general location in the school hall, Betty and Veronica are arguing again as they both have one of Archie’s arms and begin a game of tug of war with a crowd of students rooting on each girl and one student taking bets. Archie is leaning more towards Betty.
Betty: You got to go to the movies with Archie yesterday! Today Archie and me are going to Pop’s!
Panel two: Veronica pulls Archie more towards her way as he looks on helplessly as Veronica digs her finger nails into him for a better grip.
Veronica: I don’t think so!! Archie would rather have a world class meal than burgers and fries!
Panel three: Archie jerks himself free as Betty and Veronica look on. The crowd sadly disperses as there was no clear winner. The kid placing bets sadly gives back the money he collected.
Archie: That’s enough!
Archie: Why don’t we flip the same coin from yesterday and decide that way?
Panel four: Archie flips the coin as Veronica sticks her tongue out at Betty as Betty leers at Veronica.
Archie: Ron, you call it this time!
Veronica: Heads, Archiekins.
Panel five: The coin lands on Archie’s palm showing tails as Betty makes a face back at Veronica as Veronica scowls in response. Archie looks on with a grin as the recent turn of events have given him an idea.
Betty: Looks like money isn’t your advantage this time.
Archie thinking: I think I’m on to something!
« on: November 08, 2014, 04:32:30 PM »
Wow. Make the cover Christmas based and K-Mart will put that out on schedule. And Thanksgiving is coming up. Do any of you know what it’s like to have a birthday on, before, or after Thanksgiving? You don’t get gifts and people go to your home to eat your food. Bah Plymouth!
The Lead story. I’ve gotta be honest the new stories haven’t been—well, really that good to me, but this one was great. And it’s a Reggie Story. “In Not So Gifted” Reggie decides that imitation is the best way to win the hearts of the ladies, and we get the backfire. Alex Simmons does a great job capturing the disposition of the characters and for six pages it’s a blast. And Pat Kennedy. This is easily the best work I’ve seen from him. Honestly, I’m not a fan, but this was a greatly drawn story. The decorations on the first page is wonderfully cute and after you read the story you can only reflect on how smart it is. And I know people (me for one) have been hard Digikore Studios for their coloring, but they have really improved and done a great job and should be recognized for it.
Chuck’s Cartoon Life. We’re on part three of four, so one more to go. Mr. Weatherbee, in an attempt to impress the superintendent (SKINNNNNNNERRR) has Chuck taking his workshop to middle school. Sounds good until he has to collate ancient Greece. The art by Fernado Ruiz is amazing like always. And I like that they mentioned the Hollywood trip arc. There is continueing problem with the Cartoon Life I’ll talk about later though.
Characters galore. If you wanted to see as many of the Archie characters with their stories you get it in this issue. You have Moose tutoring Dilton (Yep. You read that correctly), Dilton the trend setter, Mr. Lodge, Nancy. It’s just fun seeing so many different characters. My favorite is the Svenson story where the kids learns that contributions come from everyone. Best story has to be Reggie taking a bet that if Archie can beat him at anything he’ll be quiet for two weeks. The ending is just so perfect.
Christmas stories: Only four, but for the most part they are well told. I’ve already mentioned “In Not So Gifted”. Mr. Lodge has a Christmas Carol and Veronica throws a Christmas Party and learns it doesn’t have to be the flashiest for everyone to be happy. And would you really want to trade your Christmas away. Find out the answer.
Chuck. I’ve mentioned Cartoon life and I like the idea, I like the art, I like the situations—but I don’t like Chuck. He’s boring. He’s just so bland as a character. He smiles, he whines, he pouts…that’s about it for him. In comparison, we have an older version of Chuck who wants to prove men cook than women. He’s arrogant, he prideful—he’s fun! What I wouldn’t give to have this Chuck in Cartoon Life! It’d be fun seeing him get frustrated that he has to work in subject matter he’s not good at into his comic. He sure as heck wouldn’t spend page after page whining!
What wha--? Okay, I mentioned Mr. Lodge having a Christmas Carol and it was pretty good—except why he had it didn’t make sense. Okay, he bans Archie from the Lodge Mansion after he messes up the Christmas tree decorations. Then he goes to sleep—and he’s shown that buying from the heart is more important than the price. WHAT?! Shouldn’t it be more about forgiveness? Heck, during the present portion they show Veronica wanting just a bike and Mr. Lodge wanting her to have an expensive car instead—Why not just use that at the beginning and the ghost show him the past (his father) and future! It’s like the beginning is one story and the rest is another.
Bridgette. GO AWAY! You’re boring, annoying, and a Mary Sue and I’m tired of stories with you in them when—well, any other character would be better! You are a tree without shade, a well without water; you contribute nothing!
Sorry. I’ve just always wanted to say that. Feel better now. No one tell Dan Parent what I just said. EVER.
What I’ve learned.
1. When the Ghost of Christmas is bored, he’ll find any excuse to have a Christmas Carol.
2. Always check your digital receipts.
3. What do you do when you have two insane girls who don’t agree on anything? Why make them work together!
4. That Riverdale Elementary has way better artists than Millis Middle School.
5. Give a nerd a game control and he will be Michael Jordan—LeBron James is he joins other talented nerds to win a championship.
6. Put a band-aide on your face and all the pretty girls will kiss you.
7. People with less money don’t want people with more money spending much on them—REALLY?
8. Tiddlywinks is a sport.
9. When grocery shopping value and fridge open space do not always coincide.
10. Being rich isn’t great, but giving friends gifts is—What, am I missing something?
Overall. Yeah, there’s one hiccup in a story and Chuck needs a personality transfer, stat. But this digest had the best of the new stories, I’ve read, the stories are good with great morals. No complaints about the art, the writing for the characters is fun. This is an easy A so go pick it up.
« on: October 30, 2014, 05:38:26 PM »
Panel one: The setting is Pickens Park during the afternoon as a presenter is on stage (Complete with curtains to separate the backstage area) next to a table that has a metal tub of apples for bobbing, a pumpkin pie, and a plate filled with candy corn as the presenter goes over the rules. To the side of the table is a five foot statue of a person eating while trying to keep his wig straight. Over the stage is a banner reading HAIR IF YOU CARE PRESENTS…THE HALLOWEEN HAVOC EATING CONTEST. A crowd has surrounded the stage as Jughead is standing off to himself as he is listening in. The crowd is acting like it is a rock concert as they dance and enjoy themselves; even an elderly couple is having fun dancing.
Presenter: --And thank you all for coming!
Presenter: Wig out as the four top eaters of Riverdale compete in a tournament to crown the true eating champion!
Jughead thinking: Huh. So this is what that mysterious text was all about. All communication parted to me should involve something like this.
Panel two: Jughead is looking at the banner as he seems to have a bad feeling about it that he can’t quite understand as he folds his has a hand over his chin as the ponders.
Jughead: Something about this seems familiar. Like a horrible memory you try to forget or that feeling you get reading a bad fan fic.
Caption: This coming from someone who had to split half his digest with his best friend!
Panel three: Jughead turns his head as two people talk to him from behind.
Voice one: Jughead, looks like you and me might have our long awaited match!
Voice two: And we’ll have our rematch!
Panel one: Jughead turns around to see Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller as they greet him as they are competing in the contest as well. Toni adjusts her hat as Kevin Keller gives Jughead a two finger salute as his way of saying hello.
Jughead: Two Fisted Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller.
Toni Topaz: The one and only.
Kevin Keller: Reporting to mess hall and ready to chow down.
Panel two: Jughead is matter of fact as Toni Topaz smiles at him and winks as she flirts with him.
Toni Topaz: Not happy to see us?
Jughead: No. Just not surprised. When they said the four top eaters in Riverdale I figured you two got the same text I did.
Panel three: Kevin Keller is asking Jughead a question as Jughead isn’t thrilled knowing the answer as he obviously would rather not say.
Kevin Keller: Well, you’re two for two, so who do you think the fourth is?
Panel four: The ground begins to shake as Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller lose their balance as Jughead just lets himself bop up and down like a super ball as he remains unimpressed.
Toni Topaz: What is this?! An earthquake!?
Jughead: No. That would be our fellow competitor toddling our way now.
Kevin Keller: Who?!
Panel one: The Glutton is standing loud and proud as he his hair looks like he just got out of bed, his greasy shirt is two sizes too small and he is wearing jeans cut into shorts. His pig like nose has a small drop of snot sticking out, and he has several bits of various foods in between his yellow teeth.
The Glutton: Gregory Gorgey—THE GLUTTON!!!
The Glutton: I’m the Baron of Bite and the Master of Munch and the table is set for me to win and prove I’m the number one food connoisseur in Riverdale!!
Panel two: Jughead is casually talking with Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller as the Glutton’s jaw drops as he can’t believe that they weren’t listening to him.
Jughead: …So then Gaston catches me in the walk in freezer and I go--
Glutton: Hey!! Pay attention to me!! I am large and in charge!!
Panel three: Toni Topaz jokes as The Glutton becomes enraged.
Toni Topaz: Yes, to the former. No to the latter.
Panel four: The Glutton uses his stomach to knock Toni Topaz off her feet as Kevin Keller rushes to her aid.
The Glutton: Put your mouth where the food is! Look at you! No way you win! You’re stomach is too small!
Toni Topaz: Hey!
Panel five: Jughead is quipping back at The Glutton as The Glutton’s face goes bright red and his nostrils flare. Kevin Keller helps Toni Topaz to her feet as Toni Topaz leers at The Glutton
Jughead: Your brain is too small and you still able to think. Slowly, but surely.
Panel one: The presenter makes way as Pauline Elder is walking to the center of the stage and taking the mic from him. She is wearing a bride of Frankenstein wig and wearing a blue and green dress suit as she half heartedly waves to the people in the audience.
Presenter: And now for the benefactor and financier, the CEO of Hair I Care Enterprises—
Presenter: Ms. Pauline Elder!
Jughead: Oh now I remember. Crazy wig lady.
Panel two: Kevin Keller is talking with Jughead as Jughead explains how he met Pauline Elder. In he background is a scene where Jughead is giving her the fake wig made of Hot Dog’s fur as she begins scratching and he happily takes five hundred dollars as his reward. Hot Dog turns to look at the empty spot of fur on his back.
Kevin Keller: You know her, Jug?
Jughead: Yeah, she wanted Trula’s hair for her personal wig collection…
Jughead: …And instead of doing the obvious preference of shaving Twyst bald, I donated a small patch of Hot Dog’s fur instead.
Panel three: Jughead turns to Toni Topaz as she asks him a question of her own.
Toni Topaz: Think she figured out your ruse?
Panel four: Pauline Elder simply glares at Jughead and does the beheading gesture to her throat as she grits her teeth and her wig tilts to the left side of her head as the presenter tries to keep it upright on her head.
Panel five: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he seems not to care about Pauline’s noverbal threat as Kevin Keller places a hand on his shoulder to show support. Toni Topaz adjusts her hat as she sees the obvious answer. The Glutton points at Jughead, does the throat slash motion with his other hand and winks to hint at a possible alliance.
Jughead: It’s possible.
Panel one: Pauline is shoving the presenter back as she begins to go over the rules as her hair piece leans over her eyebrows.
Pauline: After my last trip to this…quant little town, I couldn’t help but come back for reve—er, fun and games.
Pauline: And what better fun and games can their be than an eating contest tournament?
Panel two: Pauline points over at the table and all the items on it as everyone in the audience looks on. The Presenter strikes a pose as he uses both arms to motion towards the table.
Pauline: The rules are simple for you rubes to understand:
Pauline: The four contestants will be divided up into separate match-up—eat the bobbed apples and a pumpkin pie eating contests—and the winner of each will advance to the final round: The Mountain of Candy Corn!
Panel three: The presenter struggles to hold up the trophy in one hand and a box of Spotty Snacks with the other. The box of Spotty snacks has parody of Mystery Incorporated with an African American as Fred, a confused blond for Daphne, A frizzy haired frighten teenage girl for Shaggy, a fat nerd with glasses and hand held computer for Velma and a Dalmatian in place of Scooby Doo.
Pauline: And not only will the winner win this fabulous trophy…
Pauline: …But a year’s supply of Spotty Snacks! The favorite treat of the Mysteries Five mascot Spotty Spotty Dot!
Panel four: Back to Jughead, Toni Topaz, Kevin Keller, and The Glutton. Jughead is licking his lips as he seems interested for the first time in the story, Toni Topaz is acting like she has a handful of the Spotty Snacks in both hands, Kevin Keller smiles as he likes the prize and The Glutton rubs his stomach as it shakes in all directions.
Jughead: Many a haunted house or deserted mill I would venture to for just one!
Toni Topaz: Pow Pow! I can’t wait!
Kevin Keller: And a year’s supply!
Glutton: That’ll be a swell meal for my telly-tum-tum!
Panel five: As she hands the mic back to The Presenter, Pauline glares over at Jughead as Jughead is talking with Kevin and Toni not noticing that The Glutton is giving her the “okay” hand signal. Pauline has a smirk across the right side of her face as her hair piece tips to the right side of her head.
Pauline thinking: I spent months of research, finding the best way to hurt Jughead Jones after he tricked me and had infested me with fleas!
Pauline thinking: And with my pawn in place and my meticulous planning, Jughead won’t be able to take a nibble without thinking of the disgrace he’ll soon experience!
Panel one: Jughead and Kevin Keller are standing behind the table on stage. Each has a large metal tub filled with apples and water. Both Jughead and Kevin Keller look on anxiously. The Presenter is up front and making the match announcement.
Presenter: Round one will be Eat The Bobbed Apples with Jughead Jones competing against Kevin Keller.
Presenter: Lads on my mark--!
Panel two: The Presenter motions with two fingers for the two to begin while running in place. Kevin Keller dunks his face in the water while Jughead dunks his entire head and begins to swirl the water around using his neck. A small spiral has formed with Jughead’s head in the center.
Presenter: GO GO GO!
Panel three: Kevin Keller has his head out of the water as he begins to eat an apple as Jughead just casually stands looking at Kevin with a smile. The water in Jughead’s tub is slowly still spinning in a small spiral with no apples seen because of this.
Kevin Keller: Jughead, um….you do know how this works, right? You’re supposed to bob for the apples.
Panel four: Jughead motions towards his tub as the water is still and apple cores begin floating to the surface to show that Jughead ate all of his apples when he had his head in the water. Kevin Keller looks on with wide-eyes as the apple he was eating slips out of his hand and his jaw drops.
Jughead: No. We have to eat the apples. No one ever said I had to take them out of the water.
Panel five: Kevin Keller shakes Jughead’s hand as Jughead accepts but looks over hungrily at Kevin Keller’s still full tub of apples.
Kevin Keller: I concede to the man with the better plan.
Jughead: Thanks. And are you to finish those?
Panel one: Pauline Elder looks on from behind the stage as she bends her wig to her face and strangles it in anger.
Pauline Elder: How did he win! His apples were made of wax!
Panel two: The Glutton walks up next to her and points to himself with both thumbs as he shows off. Pauline looks at the Glutton with disgust as she takes a step away from the slob.
The Glutton: Don’t worry! I’ll handle that skinny bean in the final after I eat the pink haired girl out of house and home!
Pauline: You had better. My plan only works if he loses to someone—like you.
Panel three: The Glutton sticks out his large stomach as he boasts to himself as he is full of confidence at his chance of winning.
The Glutton: Hah! I’m going up against a girl! Anybody can beat a girl!
Panel four: The Glutton looks to Pauline for reassurance as Pauline fixes her hair back to where it was as she rolls her eyes and curls her lips like she wants to just run out and get away from The Glutton.
The Glutton: We are going to cheat though, right?
Pauline: Yes, you twit!
Panel five; Pauline scratches her head as thinks back to the dog hair wig she wore and the fleas that came with it.
Pauline: Once word got out I wore a wig made of dog hair, I became the joke of the hairpiece trade! I want sweet cold revenge!
Panel six: The Glutton punches his open palm to show that he wants to make Jughead suffer to as Pauline smiles wickedly as she walks away.
The Glutton: Yeah! Revenge is a dish best served cold!
Pauline: Quite so. But let’s not discount a hot plate…
To Be continued
And I'm using to fan fic I've used before for villains because...eh, I just like villain team ups.
« on: October 29, 2014, 08:58:23 PM »
What if, for the Archie Horror brand, We had Cosmo the Evil Martian invade Earth, starting with the small town of Riverdale? We got horror what about a sci-fi series?
« on: October 29, 2014, 01:00:30 PM »
Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve done a review, but it’s also been awhile since a digest had a brand spanking new story in it too.
The new story: Hey new stuff! The Secret Santa Secret Swap is a pretty fun story for the most part and drawn well for the most part (I’ll talk about a few problems in the bad). The students of Riverdale draw names for Secret Santa even though Archie already has the perfect gift for Veronica, so Reggie gives him the idea to trade until he finds her name. This leads to a great chase with Archie going from student to student, which I really love because it’s a fun way to show off the secondary characters You see Raj, Harper, the New Class kids, Wendy Weatherbee and others. And Archie having to deal with shenanigans and shenanigans on his quest was fun. Like I said, there are a few problems, especially the end, but overall, for a six page story, it’s pretty fun. So kudos to Paul Kupperburg and Fernando Ruiz.
Drill Sergeant Patton Howitzer. Heck yeah! Mr. Weatherbee wants to show off his skills to the Riverdale football team, but the kids see this as their one chance to unload on him and take it, injuring his back. That leads to the school board bringing in THE SUBSITTUTE TEACER FROM HECK (yeah, this is a G rated review). And he runs the school like a bootcamp with the kids practically begging Mr. Weatherbee to recover quickily. I really like this character because it’s one of the few times you have an actual antagonist for the gang. I’m talking full on bad guy. No redeemable traits. He’s a horrible jerk to everyone. I wish he was still around because I think a few true bad guys would liven up Archie. Seriously, you’re telling me in all of Riverdale High, no other teen is a total spaz? C’mon!
Super Duck. Double Heck Yeah! The first story sees him planning to eat out for some good food and take the old thrown to the curb when you can’t pay bit, but the restaurant has other ideas. The next is him being lucky and his luck running out. I like the stories. Okay, the younger duck, I can see someone saying rip-off of Huey (it’s obviously Huey folks) but Super Duck’s personality shouldn’t make anyone think of Donald Duck.
Josie: Fun stories, especially the Melody based one that is so stupid…yeah, it’s perfect for Melody. And I gotta say—I like Albert a hundred fold better than Alan M. Because every time I happen to pick up a digest with a Josie and the Pussycats story he’s either boring or just a jerk. Yeah, Alexandra is mean, but she’s always nice to you, don’t push her to the ground you barbarian! Albert actually has personality to him. But I guess when it was revised big boring blond guys were in.
The Holiday stories. We get old school Jingles who is pretty darn vicious, Archie seeing the good and bad of being a mall Santa, how giving your boyfriend to your BFF for a day is nice for the season, but not for much longer than that. All the holiday stories are really fun reads. Especially the last one with Veronica’s present for Jughead. Heh Heh Heh.
The lead story’s ending. One I problem with The Secret Santa Secret Swap comes at the end. Okay, it’s fine because it looks like Reggie had Veronica’s name all along and gave Archie the idea to run around on a wild goose chase but then it turns out—Betty’s idea after she heard what Archie was doing. But Reggie saw Archie trade with Jughead and then gave him the idea to trade for Veronica, so Betty never had time to give Reggie the idea. It doesn’t make sense. It would have worked better if Reggie had Veronica’s name to jerk with Archie and Archie is happy ending up with Betty. And since I just nicked pick Paul Kupperberg, I’ll be fair and do the same with Fernando Ruiz (please forgive me!) Vic looked a little to small and not muscular enough when Archie talks with him (From what I understand, Vic is taller and more muscular than even Moose) And I had trouble telling who Archie was taking over dog walking duties for to get a trade. I thought it was Dilton at first, but I’m pretty sure it’s Chloe. I mean, for the most part I like the story, But with the Betty idea part—WHA?
Mr. Weatherbee. I like Mr. Weatherbee, but wow, kinda unloaded on the Weatherbee stories on this one. And they’re okay, but there’s also a reason why Mrs. Bliss didn’t last and got turned into Saved by the Bell. Maybe Faculty Follies memories are working against me.
One story where you really can’t distinguish Betty and Veronica. I just don’t like it when you could really just switch the two in story and nothing would be affected. What are we, Michael Bendis?
What I learned from this issue.
1. Jingles is a sadistic monster.
2. Ribbons and Christmas Wrap are surprisingly great to use to hold someone captive.
3. Wow. Toni Topaz on the cover and in the comic? So it is possible!
4. I don’t think Archie and the Teens fully grasp the concept of Secret Santa.
5. Discipline from Drill Sergeant Patton Howitzer will continue until moral improves, soldiers!
6. We can put Fir Tree in front yard on the list of things Mr. Lodge likes more than Archie.
7. Never do too good a job on a difficult task that happens that you could do next year.
8. The Eighties were all about big hair, small computers, and arcade trophies.
9. Never give your date to your best friend on Christmas!
10. Riverdale High School Football defense…what you did to Weatherbee wasn’t just a penalty, that was attempted murder!
I’ll give this issue a B. I really like the idea to the lead story, but that ending just hurt it. But five pages out of six isn’t bad. The art throughout was good. We got the into of Barry Howitzer. Great Holiday stories, Josie stories, and Super Duck I think there were too many Weatherbee center stories, but overall I’m happy with the purchase.
« on: October 28, 2014, 11:31:10 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Jones Family living room. Jughead is strapping Jellybean into her stroller as Jellybean is excited to go outside with Jughead as Mrs. Jones looks on reluctantly in response to Jughead’s words.
Jughead: Well, Jellybean, it’s that time of year for me to help you pick out your Halloween costume!
Panel two: Mrs. Jones comments as she is skeptical about Jughead’s choice of costume for Jellybean as Jughead smile fades after what he hears.
Mrs. Jones: Yes, I’m sure it’ll be another “wonderful” selection. Maybe a truck driver or duck call maker this year.
Panel three: Jughead turns to his mother as she smiles and rolls her eyes.
Jughead: All fine choices, but I can’t help but believe you are being one snarky mommy.
Mrs. Jones: That’s the silliest way to put it.
Panel one: Mrs. Jones is talking to Jughead as a display of the various costumes that Jughead has bought Jellybean is displayed in the background. One costume is Jellybean as a construction worker with a mustache, another is Jellybean as a ninja with a name tag that reads: Ned, and another has her dressed like Super Mario with a note on her chest reading: I’m not a princess, I SAVE PRINCESSES
Mrs. Jones: When have you ever selected an appropriate Halloween costume for Jellybean? Every year you dress her up in boy costumes!
Panel two: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he doesn’t understand the problem. In her stroller, Jellybean is playing with a Cosmo The Merry Martian Doll that is wearing a phantom of the opera costume.
Mrs. Jones: It’s time you accept that you have a little sister and nothing will change that. Especially clothing.
Jughead: Maybe, but I bet I’ll make a tomboy out of her.
Panel three: Mrs. Jones is waving her arms as Jughead listens.
Mrs. Jones: Do you know how embarrassing it is when my lady friends show off their little princesses while Jellybean is a miniature hobo?
Jughead: Y’know for someone who says being a mom is a full time job; you find time to call friends and gossip.
Panel four: Mrs. Jones glares at Jughead as Jughead realizes he pushed his mother too far.
Jughead: Um, just remember, I’m your son and you love me no matter what I do or say.
Mrs. Jones: It would be much easier if you said less and did more!
Panel five: Jughead rushes out the door with Jellybean as Jellybean uses the Cosmo the Merry Phantom Doll to wave goodbye as Mrs. Jones yells at Jughead.
Jughead: Fine! If I must, I’ll make a little lady out of my little sister!
Mrs. Jones: A princess, Jughead! I want a princess!
Panel one: Jughead and Jellybean are walking into Manny Face’s Only Costume Shop as two people dressed like zombies walk out. One of them is eating a bag of cheesy puffs while the other is carrying a teddy bear. Next door to the costume shop is Dodo Karate Dojo on the right and a small hospital clinic, on the left, where several of the battered Dodo Dojo students are heading. One has his hand half way through a wooden board, but is now stuck.
Jughead: Well, Jellybean, here we are. The local costume shop. Where you come in as you, and out as someone else.
Jughead: I should take Reggie here. It can only be an improvement.
Panel two: Two teens dressed like Freddy Kruger and Jason Vorhees walk past the Jones sibling as Freddy waves goodbye to Jellybean as Jellybean clutches her Cosmo doll close to her for protection. Jughead smiles reassuringly at Jellybean.
Jughead: Now, now, Jellybean, those aren’t real monsters. Just remember that no matter how scary someone looks in here, they’re just human beings.
Panel three: Ethel wearing Frankenstein make-up and a Many Face Costume Shop shirt happily skips towards Jughead and Jellybean as Jughead begins to shake and shiver uncontrollably.
Ethel: Juggie! How would you like to be the Husband of Frankensteina? I work here so I can get you a great discount for a smooch!
Pane four: A shot outside of the costume shop as Jughead screams inside. The karate students clear out of the Dodo Dojo and patients in wheelchairs and crutches rush out of the clinic in response to Jughead’s scream.
Jughead in costume shop: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
Panel five: Back inside of the costume shop, Jughead has ducked behind the stroller and is using Jellybean as a shield as he crotches down.
Ethel: How about a hug?
Jughead: How about a long distance call?
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