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Topics - PTF
« on: March 17, 2014, 10:09:02 AM »
Panel one: A six inch leprechaun with a red beard and traditional leprechaun attire (A green hat, green suit and matching pants with brown shoes with golden buckles) is outside the Andrews home as he hides behind a baseball left out in the yard as he watches Archie trip over his shoe laces as he makes his way down the driveway. Vegas is close by, tilting his head in confusion at the leprechaun.
Sean: Top of o’ the morn, me lads and ladies.
Sean: Me name is Sean and I be of the fair folk. Normally, I’d be celebrating St. Patrick’s day with me wife and kin ‘round now, but I thought I ought to check on the Andrews clan.
Panel two: Sean shakes his head as he sadly watches Archie sitting up and blowing on his injured elbow. Vegas forgets about Sean and goes to check on Archie.
Sean: It seems me magic still is going strong in that blood line…
Panel three: Sean is bending down to polish his left shoebuckle with a rag as he talks with the reader with a giant smile on his face.
Sean: Ah, ye want to know what I have to be doing with the lad…?
Sean: Not a problem. We leprechauns enjoy telling old tales as much as we like shining our shoe buckles!
Panel one: Sean is happily skipping along as he is smoking his pipe as he is going down a small path in a meadow area with a shamrock patch just behind him as he goes about without a care in the world. The smoke from his pipe is forming a four leaf clover.
Caption: It was just a normal day those five hundred years back as I was enjoying the emerald isle’s beauty and enjoying a nice pipe as I went to check on me gold.
Caption: …Oh, and kiddes, don’t be following in Sean’s old habit. I quit the smoke good long years back. Bad fer ye health…!
Panel two: Sean is moving aside several shamrocks as he restlessly looks to find an empty space and a small imprint of a small heavy pot that is no longer there. The pipe hangs just at Sean’s bottom lip from falling out of his mouth entirely as the smoke forms an exclamation mark.
Caption: --Now there are three things we leprechauns detest: dirty shoes, being chased while we be eating our cereal—and having our pot o’ gold stolen!!
Panel three Sean is red faced and furious as his pipe burns to ash from the heat and flames coming from Sean’s mouth. Behind Sean we can see a pair of slightly hairy legs wearing brown shoes and a green plaid kilt walking up to Sean from his back.
Caption: And if there be only one thing worse than being a thief and having a leprechaun meet up with ye—
Angus Andrews: Ach, me boyo! Ye be a wee sort of fella!
Panel four: Sean turns and looks up at Angus Andrews—the ancestor of Archie Andrews. Angus Andrews looks like Archie except a few years older and has red side burns. Angus Andrews is wearing a green plaid kilt with a matching tunic over a black shirt. Strapped over his shoulder are bagpipes. Oh his head is a highlander bonnet that is slipping down to the right side of his head.
Caption: It’s being the first person a leprechaun sees after his gold be stolen!!
Angus Andrews: Nice tae meet ye! Ma name is Angus Andrews of the Highlands.
Sean: And I be Sean the Leprechaun. I be low to the land. And I brook no man stealin’ me gold!
Panel one: Sean points at Angus’s kilt as Angus follows his Sean’s finger,
Sean: If’n ye be needin’ the money for pants, there are honest ways to go about!
Panel two: Angus is tugging at his kilt as defends himself. Sean pretends that he is listening as he is tapping the top of his hat as he is trying to think of a proper punishment.
Angus: Ma wee man, this is a kilt, a growing fashion trend that will go ‘round the world and stay! And I dinnae know what you be accusing me of!
Sean: Sure’n ye don’t…
Panel three: Angus has several hearts above his head as he has a thought balloon of an attractive Scottish lass as he thinks about finding a wife. Sean rolls his eyes impatiently.
Angus: I cannae find a wife back home, so I ventured to this land in hopes o’ finding a lady love!
Panel four: Sean points a glowing magically finger at Angus as Angus reacts in shock at what he is seeing.
Sean: Ye false words and dopey freckly face is not going to do ye no good!
Panel five: Sean shoots out a magical green beam that engulfs Angus as he vibrates violently from the power of the spell. Inside the beam of magic we can seem images of a broken horseshoes and a various four leaf clovers having a leaf ripped off to help illustrate what the spell might be about to the reader.
Sean: Ye may have me gold, but that cannot buy ye no comfort!
Panel six: Angus is shaking his head to get the his bearings as Sean looks happily at his work as a bird is flying over head and eyeing Angus mischievously.
Angus: What was that man!?
Sean: A curse o’ bad luck! One that will last as long as there be a man or woman o’ Andrews blood!
Panel one: Angus waves off the curse with both hands as he looks up to notice a bird dropping about to hit his head.
Angus: I dunnae believe in such shenanigans or—
Panel two: The bird dropping lands right on Angus’ head as Sean falls down laughing and pointing at Angus’ new bad luck. Angus grabs at his hair in disgust as the bird flies off, whistling innocently.
Angus: By mae mother’s haggis--!
Sean: Hah! And that be only a small taste of what is to come!
Panel three: Angus begins to charge at Sean as Angus’ shoe laces suddenly begin to come loose as he is just about to have his left foot step on a right shoe lace.
Angus: I’ll wring yuir neck fer yuir mischief makin’!!
Panel four: Angus trips and falls on his belly at Sean’s feet as Sean is dusting himself off as if he couldn’t care less about Angus.
Sean: Sounds like the belch of a banshee he does!
Panel five: Sean is standing on Angus’ nose as Sean stares Angus right in his left eye as he begins to turn transparent and disappear from sight.
Sean: Ye stole from me and now ye’ll be paying, a debt that will go from generation to generation as long as day and night follow after the other!
Panel six: Angus is shaking his head in disappointment at his new situation as he scratches the back of his head. In the bushes just behind Angus a moose is glaring at Angus and is ready to attach him.
Angus: Twist me sideburns that wee man has cursed me kilt!
« on: March 04, 2014, 09:11:10 PM »
Jughead Double Double Digest 200
Finally getting around to it. Might as well since the stupid Mr. Peabody Dreamworks display got rid of the cheap five dollar DVD display at my local Wal-Mart. I finally have the five dollars to get the 10th Kingdom and I get bodychecked by a time traveling dog in the electronic section!!
1. Craig Boldman and Rex Lindsey. I just need to start writing in “DUH” when I do the Jughead and Archie reviews. Great opening story where Archie and Jughead get tricked into doing each others Check-out Checklist by Reggie. You also have Reggie trying to troll Jughead by cutting up his pants and Jughead’s laziness being used for Principal Weatherbee’s benefit…for a bit.
2 Samm Schwartz. And for him I should start writing in just “DITTO.” You can’t go wrong. It’s all covered from Ethel to tricking Reggie and the teachers to bad ties to Jughead just being a plan weird. It’s all glorious and Gladir and Doyle deserve credit for writing these great stories for Schwartz to illustrate. Samm’s The Man.
3 Hey we get some more of the supporting cast. One thing I didn’t like about the last double double digest was that a lot of characters in Jughead’s history didn’t get any print. This one rectifies that as we have a Trula Twyst story (FINALLY), Ethel gets a good chunk of stories, Beazley gets a spotlight story, Jellybean is at her most adorable, and Wendy Weatherbee! Wow. I don’t remember a single Jughead digest I own where she’s actually in a story or talks. Nearly everyone is covered. The only people absent are Joani and Debbie (which they should be), Sassy Thrasher and Toni Topaz. But Toni will probably be on a gazillion more digest covers to make up for it. Again a much better representation of the characters in Jughead’s long history. Heck, I forgot how Jughead and Mr. Andrews relationship was a lot like Archie and Mr. Lodge.
4 Bingo Wilkin. Again two awesome Wilkin stories. You have Buddy expanding his horizons and causing trouble to more people than usual and Bingo missing out on a meal by Samantha as he gets easily distracted. Both stories by Doyle and DeCarlo and Goldberg art at their best.
5 Nearly everyone involved. You have great writing from Doyle, Gladir and art running the gauntlet from Ruiz (early and later art), more of the old time artists like Terry Szenics and Lucy. I mean, if you went,” I want a digest where everyone who drew or wrote an Archie story has something contributed—this would be the issue I’d recommend”. I mean, think about this: some of the people I mentioned on art also did letters and inking for other artists. I mean, talk about overqualified!! Heck, I’m not a Doug Crane fan, but his one story is really good. The only big name I can think of that isn’t in this digest is Dan Parent, so sorry for the Dan Parent fans out there.
1. Time Police. Wow. This thing just derailed the more it went down the track, huh? I just can’t figure out Gene Colan. The first time I saw his art in Time Police. It was good. Then the next time it was mushy and bad like an issue of TMNT adventures he did; like someone rubbed their palm against his finished pages and smudged them up. Now…it’s like a bad version of Dan Parent art mixed in with Doug Crane’s usual art. It’s wonky. I can appreciate the time travel aspect and trying to resolve a few plotholes, but I can’t get past the art.
2. Repeat stories. Yeah, yeah, just hear me out on this one. I know that all stories are reprints, but I believe that you should not repeat within a year. Next year? Yeah. Two years later? Super. But I’m fairly certain that two of these stories were in digests within a year. I don’t have the books with me right now (My cousin is getting into reading and I gave the little tyke my Jughead digests books…yeah, I’m a softie) But I’m really certain they have. I’m sorry, but I can’t ignore that.
I have to give this issue a B+. I just can’t go higher because of the incredibly bad Time Police and two repeat stories that are too soon for my liking (That's wasted pages to me). Now, if you haven’t gotten every Jughead digest this year and haven’t read these stories, boot it up to an A because then the page number would bring it up enough for me to ignore the Time Police story. But still, like I said, there are aspects to this double double that were met where the last one came up short. I recommend buying this issue.
What I learned from this issue
1. Being gay with someone and giving them the bird were much more innocent figure of speeches back in the day.
2. Sometimes the improbable is more possible than a simple task quantified.
3. Goldie Bassinger Stone. The child star that would have taken over the world!
4. What sandwich your favorite Archie character is.
5. There is a student in Riverdale who’s head is a smiley face.
6. Glowing + Jughead being hungry = THE MOST MENANCING MONSTER IN RIVERDALE!!
7. If you pull a prank, watch your own back.
8. CSI, SVU…other letters put together, they should just use snowmen to identify criminals.
9. Never mess with Beazley’s pots!
10. Wendy Weatherbee plans on majoring in the history of hats in Riverdale University.
« on: March 04, 2014, 12:45:27 AM »
Panel one: Archie is wearing a suit and dress pants as he begins to sit down at his computer desk. On Archie’s computer desk are various school books, a picture of Veronica and Betty together. A bobble head of Cosmo The Merry Martian is just to the right of the monitor.
Archie: Already set for the big date with Veronica with minutes to spare! And it’s not like Ronnie is ever ready early or on time…
Archie: And I did just download this game this morning and never had a chance to play…
Panel two: An over the shoulder view of the computer screen as an online game called OUTLIVE is on the monitor. The words OUTLIVE are on the monitor in front of a broken down psychiatric ward while a wind storm is going on. Inside of the psych ward we can see a crazy person at the window sarcastically waving hello.
Archie: Wow. That’s…a little creepy.
Panel three: Archie rolls up his sleeve to show all the goosebumps he has. The Cosmo the Merry Martian bobble head turns its head as its expression has changed to one of fright.
Computer: CREEAKKK CRAAAAKK
Archie: Okay. It’s a lot creepy.
Page 2 (The rest of the pages do not show the computer screen and just show Archie and whoever nearby him reacting to only what they see.)
Panel one: Archie is leaning up to the monitor as he reads out loud. He squints his eyes slightly as he reads.
Archie: “This is Outlive. You are ace reporter Niles Downlo and have received tip-offs to weird experimental procedures at a psychiatric hospital nicknamed The Roach Motel.”
Archie: “Outlive whom and whatever is inside.”
Panel two: Archie leans back as he brushes off the cryptic opening message as he keeps his fingers on the keyboard and begins to play the game.
Archie: Sounds like a typical weird mystery to me.
Panel three: Archie sits straight up in shock at what he sees on the monitor.
Archie: Wow! I just got in and I see that guy!? H-he’s…lying down.
Panel four: Archie becomes tense as he continues onward. Archie uses his left hand to open up his suit a little as he begins to sweat and looks on nervously.
Archie: Sure are a lot of people…lying down. Everywhere. At more than one place at the same time.
Panel five: Archie eases up a little as he squints a left eye and begins to examine something on the monitor.
Archie: Hey, there’s someone! I’ll see what he has to say!
Panel six: Archie jumps out of his computer chair as the sudden motion causes the chair to wheel back several inches.
Archie: Eww! What happened to your face!!? It’s like when Jughead chews caramel apples with his mouth open!!
Panel one: Archie has one hand typing on the keyboard as he uses his other free arm to pull back his computer chair as he has tongue sticking out as he is stretching his body out.
Archie: Okay. Looks can be deceiving. He can be a friend.
Panel two: Archie glares at the monitor as he shakes his fist at the computer screen.
Archie: Hey! You threw me across the hall!! You’re no friend of mine!!
Panel three: Archie presses buttons rapidly with his right hand as he is using his left hand as he acts like he is pushing someone forward.
Archie: He’s coming for me!! Run! Run! Run!
Pane four: Archie has ducked under his computer desk as he types. The door to his room is beginning to open as Veronica, wearing an elegant black dress, pearl necklace, and black high heel shoes angrily comes into the room.
Archie: He’s looking for me!! Hide! Hide! Hide!
Panel five: Veronica is standing over Archie with her arms folded as she glares down at Archie who is still hiding under the computer desk with only hands on the keyboard visible.
Archie: Odd. I’m well hidden, but I still don’t feel safe.
Panel six: Veronica kicks at Archie as Archie bangs his head under the computer desk as everything on the desk shakes.
Veronica: You can’t hide from me, you louse!
Panel one: Veronica begins to examine the computer monitor as Archie is holding his head with both hands as he is finally coming into view. A red pain star is coming from the top of his head.
Veronica: Where have you been?! I’ve waited and waited and—
Veronica: Oh. I see how it is.
Panel two: Veronica grabs the mouse and begins to move it over as Archie is just now getting to his feet as he is shaking off the blow to his head.
Veronica: Talking to another girl on Skyp, huh? Who is it? Betty? Cheryl?
Panel three: Veronica begins to roll up on the scroll wheel of the mouse as she leans in to the monitor as Archie waves his arms
Veronica: Look at this room of hers! So gothic…!
Veronica: Is it Wendy?!
Panel four: Archie points at the screen in pure fright as Veronica turns her head towards him.
Archie: Look out!!
Veronica: No! You look out!!
Panel five: Veronica turns to the monitor as her hair stands up on end and her face goes white in pure terror. Archie dashes back to the computer chair and takes the controls back over.
Panel six: Veronica is hiding behind Archie’s chair as she peeks out from over Archie’s right shoulder.
Veronica: What in the world is that?!
Archie: A crazy guy who hits really hard! He’s like Moose only uglier, not as strong, and without a Midge!
Panel one: Veronica is standing next to Archie as he continues to play.
Veronica: Go in that room!
Panel two: Veronica puts a hand on Archie’s shoulder as he rolls his eyes.
Veronica: Hide therer--no that’s dirty.
Veronica: And that bed quilt is clearly not 2.000 threaded…
Panel three: Archie turns to Veronica as he tries to reason with her.
Archie: A crazy guy is trying to get me!
Panel four: Veronica waves off her hand as if waving off her pervious complaints physically as Archie turns back to the computer screen.
Veronica: That bed to the right corner. It’s at least been made by the help.
Panel five: Veronica is motioning with her arm like she’s throwing a football as Archie shakes his head.
Veronica: Forget hiding! Be a man! Stand and fight! Throw the camera at him!!
Archie: I can’t fight back in this game! I can only run and hide!
Panel six: Veronica turns away from Archie in frustration and sticks her nose up in the air as Archie puts his right elbow on the computer desk and rests the right side of his head on his right hand and uses his left hand to tap the computer desk with all his fingers as his reaction to Veronica’s snide remark.
Veronica: Hmph! So it’s like real life!
« on: February 23, 2014, 12:38:45 PM »
Panel one: Jughead is walking out his house as he is drinking a two liter soda. Jughead has his head titled back and is using his free left hand to keep his hat on. Even with his body bent awkwardly, Jughead’s lower body is walking normally. The soda Jughead is drinking is Cosmo’s Merry Pop. Burp In Your Galaxy Vanilla. Above Jughead a group of red butterflies are flying in the formation of the letter B. Hot Dog is digging a hole, as from behind, a rabbit has dug a hole behind Hot Dog and is eyeing a dog bone at Hot Dog’s side.
Jughead: Ah, there isn’t a better way to start a morning than a small guzzle of soda!
Panel two: Jughead has finished the two liter bottle as he tosses it behind him as it falls towards the rabbit as the rabbit begins to make a grab for Hot Dog’s bone. Jughead turns to his right.
Voice off-panel: Milk, vitamin water, energy drinks, and that’s just off the top of my head!
Jughead: Small head with a big mouth, or best known to my fans as—
Panel three: Jughead turns to see Googie Gilmore leaping over the fence that separates the Jones yard from the Gilmore yard. Googie is wearing a white t-shirt with CLEAN STREET in bold blue lettering. Jughead is not happy to see Googie Gilmore as he looks over at the reader. Walking in front of Googie is the rabbit who has somehow got it’s head stuck in the two liter bottle as it hops around while trying to pull the bottle from its head. Hot Dog finishes burying his bone and is patting the dirt with his wagging tail.
Jughead: --Googie Gilmore!
Jughead: Wow. We’re really doing a story with Googie Gilmore? What’s next, Debbie and Joani?
Caption: You should appreciate that SOMEONE is writing new Jughead stories!!
Panel one: Jughead has his arms folded at his chest as he prepares for Googie to lecture him. Googie Gilmore is bending down at the rabbit as it is hopping all around her as it vainly tries to hop the two litter bottle form it’s head.
Jughead: Okay, what is it I’ve done, nutritional nuisance? Too much butter on my roasted peanuts? Took the crust off my mayonnaise sandwiches?
Googie Gilmore: How do you not know?
Panel two: Jughead shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head to his left while Googie Gilmore has the rabbit in her left arm and is using her right hand to pull the soda bottle off of the rabbit’s head. The rabbit is using both of its hind legs to help.
Jughead: A full stomach every second of the day is healthy eating to me.
Panel three: Googie Gilmore lets the rabbit hop down from her arms as she waves the two litter bottle at Jughead’s nose.
Googie Gilmore: It’s unhealthy to drink sodas! Especially a two liter! Do you know how much sugar is in just a serving?! How addictive it is?!
Panel four: Jughead waves Googie off as the rabbit begins to hop up and nearly reaches the two liter soda bottle.
Jughead: That’s propaganda from the vitamin water groups!
Panel five: The rabbit grabs the two liter bottle out of Googie hands to the bewilderment of Jughead and Googie.
Panel six: Googie motions towards the rabbit as it is now on its back and is holding the two liter soda bottle with all paws as it happily waits for a single drop of soda to land on his outstretched tongue. Googie is tapping her left thigh with her finger and sneers at Jughead. Jughead grabs at his throat like he is parched, to illustrate thirst.
Jughead: He could just be very thirsty for all you know!
Panel one: Googie Gilmore sticks out her chest to show off her shirt as Jughead rolls his eyes.
Googie Gilmore: Everyone should be like me and practice Clean Street.
Jughead: I don’t even half mow my yard muchless pick up litter off the street.
Panel two: Googie Gilmore is going over the concept of Clean Street with a giant smile on her face as she holds up three fingers.
Googie: Jughead, haven’t you heard your body is your temple? Well, the path to that temple is a clean street where you don’t eat candy, you don’t sit around watching TV, and you don’t even sip soft drinks!
Panel three: Jughead waves her off with a smile as he begins to go off on his way to Googie’s aggravation. In the background the rabbit is angrily banging the soda across the fence as he wants a stubborn soda drop to come out. The butterflies are now forming a question mark over the soda bunny.
Jughead: Eh, I’m much happier with my dirty, grungy road leading to my local fast food joint.
Panel four: Googie rushes in front of him as Jughead glares at her. Googie points a finger at Jughead’s nose.
Googie: Listen, Jones. If you lived your life the way I do mine, you’d be in tip top shape!
Googie: No flab! No flubber! There wouldn’t be a day you wouldn’t give yourself a pat on the back.
Panel five: Jughead begins to pat his back as Googie looks on in confusion
Jughead: Good idea.
Panel six: Jughead burps a massive pink cloud of soda bubble in the shape of a ghost in Googie direction as she cups her hands over her mouth and nose as she looks like she is going to pass out.
Panel one: Googie is on her hands and knees as she is coughing and gagging from Jughead’s soda burp. Jughead is going about his day as he holds his hand up to signal goodbye. The rabbit is sitting on the soda bottle his right eye begins to twitch from the soda withdraw.
Googie: Gaah! Arrhh! You--!! My eyes--!! Calories in my corneas!!
Jughead: Well, I’d like to lie and say it was fun, but I’m honest to a fault.
Panel two: Googie begins to stand up and cups her hands over her mouth as she shouts at Jughead so he can hear her loud and clear
Googie: You and your sodas! We’re going to save Riverdale and get rid of those tonics of doom!
Panel three: Jughead turns back to Googie as Googie listens and as her facial expression shows the realization that Jughead is right.
Jughead: We who? When I look through the orchard that is Riverdale, you’re the only health nut I see in the trees.
Panel four: Googie Gilmore is gritting her teeth as Jughead continues to walk away as he is farther along in the distance. Googie Gilmore shakes a fist in Jughead’s direction that he doesn’t see or bother to acknowledge.
Jughead: Sodas are in our school and everywhere else in Riverdale. If people like Mr. Weatherbee or Mayor Glibb don't care, why should anyone else?
Googie: They will care! I’11 make them care! I’ll clean out the kidneys of Riverdale! You’ll see!
Googie: A new broom will sweep the streets clean! Mark my words!
Panel five: Jughead has his hands in his pockets unconcerned as he continues walking. Googie Gilmore pulling at her hair and biting the collar of her shirt in rage some distance behind him.
Jughead: You understand if I don’t leave the cap off my sharpee, right?
« on: February 21, 2014, 12:55:46 PM »
Yep. Able to pick up another digest and from the new Funhouse Digests, so I figure why not? Same logic I had as a kid when I kept riding my wagon down the hill to crash into the pine tree at the end of the road. I wish I could remember more of my childhood some days...
Reggie. I know that there are a lot of people here who want Reggie to have his own title. Well, this extremely close. This is the most I’ve seen Reggie in any digest I’ve read. He’s one of the main characters in most of the stories and is even in a good chunk of the one page funnies. And it’s Reggie at his best. Last review I mentioned how Reggie was a loser and easily outwitted. In these stories, he’s actually really clever and devious and at his arrogant best. It takes luck, out thinking, and just out lasting through sheer perseverance and outside the box thinking for Archie to come ahead. Reggie in “Race Ace” sums up how his rivalry with Archie should go: “I know where I went wrong—I made the odds one million to one against Archie! –I should have made them a billion to one!” If you’re a Reggie fanboy or girl, then you probably want to buy this digest alone for Reggie because no stinkers and I haven’t read any of these stories before.
Moose. Heck, the big guy gets his own fair chunk of stories and one pagers. The best is easily Who. I gotta be honest, this story probably should be in a lot of Archie fans top ten stories because it is EXTREMELY CLEVER. Written by Doyle and art by Harry Lucy. We all know how most Moose stories go: Someone hits on Midge (normally Reggie) Moose hits them. But for this story there is no word balloons, the story is told in captions, and we don’t see who the victim is. His face is obscure by various objects, his face hidden in shadows, even the caption boxes. A great panel even has a hand pointing and covering up the guy’s face. It’s extremely clever and extremely funny. It’s really hard to tell WHO who is until the end. It’s just amazingly clever and well done. I normally hate stories where everything is told in captions, but it was worked into very story itself in a nice touch.
Vast majority of characters get some story time: You’ve got Dilton, you’ve got Chuck, heck I’ve never seen Coach Kleats get so many stories in a digest. So if you like a larger range of characters than the normal digest who never get much time, then this issue is for you.
Weird stories: You have Archie in an Iceburg buster meeting Bigfoot and a giant octopus, Archie with ESP and Miss Beazley’s leftover lunch turning into a monster and abducting Ethel. So yeah, if you like the weirder (bump bump Mysteries!) stories of Archie you’re in for a treat.
The Art and Writing: Wow. I have no complaints. Everything is top notch. I mean, the only art I think an Archie fan might not like is the one Tim Kennedy (They have it credited as Pat, but since I’m okay with the art, I’m really sure it’s Tim) You have some great stories and art. I really like the cover by Fernando Ruiz. And wow. Nancy gets on the cover! Been awhile. The writing is great and you have a wide variety.
This is just a double digest? Seriously check out of the size of this sucker. It’s gotta be at least a Double 3/5ths Digest. So more bang for you buck.
Hardly any Jughead. Well, I guess there’s a cost for showcasing more characters. Our favorite glutton isn’t in that many stories. But, to be honest, he does have his own—well, this month he still has his OWN digest title so it’s not too big of a deal in my opinion. But if buy for Jughead, he’s lacking in this issue.
The longer stories. Just a minor grip. You have two full issue stories inside and I think they kind of dragged a bit. You have Archie in Madrid (apparently a multiple parter and this is part two) and the story kind of goes. It’s not bad, but not exciting. I think some stuff going on in the background would have helped for some of the pages. And you have Archie in How did you spend your vacation. It’s told in past tense in caption, I think it would have been better present tense and without the captions. Like I said, minor gripes.
No Fernando Ruiz inside art. Blasphemy! Favorite artist and I gotta make some stuff up to fill the Wrong section.
Yeah, this an easy A. You should buy this issue. There isn’t really much else to say about it. The only question I have is the digest theme. It’s called Funhouse, but honestly this was more of Archie and Friends and—would the Around the World multi-story work best in World of Archie? But it’s not like I expected much to change and the stories and art are great. So why complain?
Things I’ve learned.
1. What makes Moose different than most people who would kill you? Moose doesn’t care if there are witnesses
2. You can be an idiot and still have E.S.P. You can also be a Dish subscriber and have ESPN, but no more WWE PPVs.
3. Riverdale High has an amazing budget as the students are going on a field trip around the world in ten days!
4. It just takes one night reading the manual to operate the Lodge Berg Buster and to master it.
5. Softball is surprisingly more physical then I first thought.
6. Archie is a Gemini and Reggie is a Scorpio. I always had Reggie pegged as a Cancer.
7. Sadly, only in comics do remote controls make the ZAP sound.
8. Teen View needs a better screening process
9. Mr. Lodge may not like Archie’s guitar skills, but Big Foot is a fan.
10. Never give Archie any chance to win. He will win.
« on: February 17, 2014, 11:19:52 PM »
What famous person (actor, athlete, ect) would you like to see make a guest appearance in Riverdale?
Me, I've always wanted to see Gordon Ramsey do a Kitchen Nightmare episode at Pop Tate's.
« on: February 14, 2014, 11:26:46 AM »
Jughead in Valentine’s Day Wager.
Panel one: Jughead is entering the Jones Kitchen as his mother is finishing the letter of a cake she has just made. The cake is shaped like a chocolate velvet heart with the words “Happy Valentine’s D” already in place with Mrs. Jones just finishing it up. Mr. Jones has a bouquet of flowers behind his back as he smiles at his wife. Jellybean is looking through various Cosmo The Merry Martian and Pat The Brat Valentines she has received as she is all smiles. Jughead is under the kitchen table, lying on his stomach as he looks at a picture of a poodle in a love glaze. In the background we can see another cake is being baked in the oven and on the nearby kitchen counter is birthday candles and birthday related hats, cups, and plates.
Grey Caption: So you want to wager Valentine’s Day on this guy?
Pink Caption: Yes. I like him.
Mrs. Jones: So, you finally dared to come out? No place to hide from cupid’s arrows or the kisses you’re owed for you birthday.
Jughead: A cake was being baked. Even in my old age, I had to risk it.
Panel two: Jughead is sticking his finger in the icing while his mother is distracted by Mr. Jones presenting her the bouquet of flowers as Mrs. Jones sighs lovingly.
Mr. Jones: Son, this is a great day! The sun is shining and love is in the air.
Jughead: Yeah, yeah, we should really get some tinted windows and air fresheners for that.
Grey Caption: You’re gonna lose!!!
Panel three: Mr. Jones talks with Jughead as Mrs. Jones sniffs her flowers and sighs lovingly. Jughead is licking the icing from his finger.
Mr. Jones: I’ve never seen anyone so grumpy on Valentine’s Day and his birthday at the same time!
Jughead: Yeah, that’s a connection that could use a subtraction.
Panel one: Mr. Jones is taking with Jughead as Jughead rolls puts his hands in his pockets as he seems not to be impressed.
Mr. Jones: Come on, Jughead! This day is all about love, you were born, a day dedicated to couples, why this is even the day when—
Jughead: Nothing good is on TV. Only holiday where you can say that honestly.
Panel two: Mr. Jones glares at Jughead as his face begins to turn red. Jughead doesn’t get what upset his father as he continues to talk.
Jughead: Yeah. And that. Too much red. And way too much pink, too…!
Panel three: Jughead is be pushed out the front door by his father as he vainly tries to plant his heels into the carpeted floor to no avail.
Mr. Jones: You’re always a crab on today! Come back later and we’ll have the party all set up.
Jughead: This day is nothing but sappiness and disappointment and corporate holiday card gone amuck!
Panel one: Jughead is outside as his father slams the door behind Jughead as Jughead continues to protest as he rubs his stomach.
Jughead: And while I don’t recognize the holiday, I would gladly accept the food!
Jughead’s stomach: I heart food!
Mr. Jones: Just invite your friends over this year!
Panel two: Jughead adjusts his hat as he leaves the Jones drive way. At the end of the driveway we see a rake in the yard that has cobwebs on it from not being used. Even the handle is inscribed to Jughead to further show that Jughead didn’t do much of anything this fall or winter.
Jughead: I hate Valentine’s Day!
Jughead: When guys wear their hearts on their sleeves, that’s when women drag them through the mud!
Panel three: Jughead darts his head in every direction as he hears voices/ The captions but can’t identify from where.
Grey caption: Hah! That’s right buddy-boy!
Pink caption: Shhh! He’ll hear you! We have to wait for the right moment!
Panel four: Jughead is walking down the street past a ten year old boy and girl as they are exchanging Valentine’s day gifts: The girl is giving him a card and a toy car while the boy is giving the girl a frog with a pink ribbon on it’s head. In the background, we can see two shadows just beside Jughead that look identical to the stereotypical cupid only one has horns and a devil’s tail. Jughead shrugs his shoulders and continues on his way as he looks over at a confused black cat getting a box of chocolates from a duck in a nearby tree branch.
Jughead: Thought I heard someone talking about me…
Jughead: Then again, with ears like these, what can’t I hear?
Panel one: Jughead is approaching Archie’s house as he sees Archie entering his car with Veronica waiting on him as she adjusts the side mirror as she looks over her hair and make-up. Archie is wearing a suit and Veronica is wearing a red dress.
Jughead: Looks like Archie is taking Veronica and me to a shindig. I mean, not even my own best friend would forget his best pal’s—
Panel two: Veronica sees Jughead through the mirror and motions for Archie to quickly get in the car as Archie suddenly looks alert.
Veronica: They Grinch Comes in February! I repeat, The Grinch Comes in February!
Panel three: Archie quickly dashes into the car and begins to pull out of the drive way just as Jughead is on the sidewalk and ready to enter the Andrews driveway. It happens in one motion as the car pulls up along side Jughead before Archie and Veronica zoom off up the road.
Panel four: Jughead snaps his fingers in frustration as he watches the car zoom off with the exhaust pipe forming small hearts as they go.
Jughead: Knew I shoulda went around the block and snuck in from The Cooper’s residence.
Panel one: Jughead tilts his head up as a fragrance of food is going into his nostrils.
Jughead: Speaking off—
Panel two: Jughead is leaping over the fence separating The Andrews and Cooper properties as we can see just over his shoulder and from an open window that Betty has just finished baking a pie.
Jughead: --I think I might have a quick, numerous bite over at Betty’s.
Panel three: Jughead is leaning across the window with his head and shoulders inside of the kitchen and just over the kitchen sink as Betty, wearing oven mittens, an apron reading “Kiss the Cook” with the following stitched in just after “ARCHIE!!”
Jughead: Hiya, Betty.
Betty: Oh, hi, Jughead!
Jughead: So cooking up a storm?
Betty: I wouldn’t say that.
Panel four: We see further inside of the kitchen to see that Betty has made numerous cakes and pies that cover the kitchen table, the kitchen counters, and some are even on the floor where Carmel is guarding them from a pack of mice who look on hungrily. At the right corner of the kitchen ten bags of floor, multiple boxes of mix, and various other empty ingredient containers are piled up. Various cakes have Archie’s face on them some have ARCHIE LOVES BETTY and one has: SHE MAY BE RICH, BUT I CAN COOK! And has a stick figure of Veronica holding a burnt cake. Betty is cupping her hands as she thinks of Archie. One cake on the table is a mini-wedding cake complete with Archie and Betty wedding figures at the top.
Jughead: Yeah, I say you’re cooking up more of a tropical storm and baking a few more pastries will raise the temperature up enough to turn it into a hurricane.
Betty: A hurricane of love hopefully.
Panel one: Jughead is beginning to lean more inside and grab at a cake as he licks his lips. Betty glares at him angrily.
Jughead: And since Archie snuck off with Veronica and won’t even get a hair out of place, I’ll just have a bite or two and more than two and keep going from there.
Panel two: Betty has grabbed Jughead by his shirt collar and nearly drags him in as she has flames in her eyes.
Betty: I’ve been cooking for him for hours and hours and he’s out on a date with Veronica!!?
Jughead: Speaking of dates, do you know what today is? It’s my—
Panel three: Jughead is being thrown from the window like a lawn dart.
Jughead: Yeah, we’ll talk later!
Panel four: Jughead has landed head first in the Cooper garbage can. Three raccoons are just in front of the trash can. One is wearing a waiter suit while the other two are on a date, one with a pink bow in its hair and the other wearing a baseball cap and suit.
Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s Day! Can nothing go right for me this one day!?
Panel five: Jughead is silent as the raccoons look up at him.
Panel six: Jughead is beginning to eat inside of the trashcan as the dating raccoons protest to the waiter raccoon. The raccoon wearing the baseball cap is pointing at an imaginary watch on his wrist as he uses that to motion he and his date had an appointment.
Jughead: Hey, leftovers!
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
Panel one: Jughead has pulled himself from the trashcan and is walking away as he has stains and a banana peel on his left shoulder as he aimlessly walks away with his hands in his pockets and slouching over. A raccoon with a chef hat is sticking its head out of the trash can and shaking a fist at Jughead as the other raccoons look on.
Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s day! All everyone wants to do is hug and kiss and make faces.
Jughead: If it wasn’t for the giant candy bars, I’d have no use for it at all!
Panel two: Jughead turns around as the shadows of the two winged people are now in plan view to just in front of Jughead.
Cupid: Well, I’m here to prove you wrong!
Supid: And I’m here to tell you to keep running down the path you are going and don’t look back!
Panel three: Cupid and Supid are flying over Jughead head as Jughead turns to the reader in disgust. Cupid has blonde hair, a bow and quiver over his right shoulder and wearing his traditional clothing. His wings are at his ankles rather than his back. Supid looks identical except for black hair, red eyes, small devil horns on his forehead, and a small devil’s tail on his back. He has a small trident strapped to his back.
Cupid: Jughead Jones, I, Cupid am here to prove that Valentine’s Day and all it represents is worth keeping.
Supid: And I’m Supid, and I think Valentine’s Day is for suckers who buy ninety cent cards and then go and spend hundreds on gifts and dinner dates!
Cupid and Supid: And we want you to settle our wager!!
Jughead: Why do magical and supernatural beings constantly pester me during holidays?
Caption: David Wise says there is nothing wrong with recycling the same idea over and over as long as you change a few lines.
Panel one: Jughead is looking over head as the Cupid and Supid fly towards him. Cupid to his right shoulder and Supid to his left.
Jughead: So you’re Cupid and this guy is—Stupid?
Cupid: Right. Exactly.
Panel two: Supid is yelling at Jughead’s face as Jughead no sells it and has a thought balloon of Reggie over his head as Reggie does kind of look like Supid the way Jughead thinks of him.
Supid: No! I’m Supid! Cupid’s evil brother! Not Stupid, stupid.
Jughead: Yeah, I can tell you’re evil. You remind me of a friend I know.
Panel three: Cupid is talking with Jughead as Jughead squints an eye at him as he can’t believe what Cupid is saying.
Cupid: I’ve chosen you to prove that Valentine’s Day is wonderful and worth having forever.
Jughead: Stares at Cupid in bewilderment. Cupid tilts his head as he wonders what Jughead is staring at.
Panel four: Jughead turns to Supid as Supid cups his hands in victory over his head as he pre-celebrates. Cupid begins to fly towards Jughead’s turned face.
Jughead: You’re going to win.
Cupid: Hey! Hey! You have to wait until we show you past events before you make up your mind!
Panel five: The three begin to disappear in a cloud of white smoke as Supid snaps his fingers.
Supid: And I’m going first.
Cupid: Hey, we drew straws and I won.
Supid: Yeah, that’s about all you’ll be winning today, Sucker.
« on: February 11, 2014, 12:30:09 AM »
Panel one: Bingo Wilkin, in winter coat, hat, mittens, and scarf is sleeping on a hammock tied to two trees that are rapidly dropping leafs on him and the yard as his father, wearing a long winter coat and old fashion winter hat, looks on with aversion. Nearby is the fence separating the Wilkin property from the Smythe property. Nailed on the fence is a sign reading NO LEANING! Leaning against the fence is a rake.
Mr. Wilkin: Bingo, how can you possibly sleep out here during a cold winter day?
Bingo: My hammock is comfy and when you’re asleep, you don’t have to worry about being cold.
Panel two: Mr. Wilkin begins to pull Bingo up from the hammock while he dusts the leaves of a startled Bingo.
Mr. Wilkin: You should worry about pleasing your father eyes shut or open!
Bingo: Like how? There’s nothing to do.
Panel three: A high angle view as Mr. Wilkin motions towards the entire backyard as it is covered in multicolored fallen leafs. From the backdoor we can see an extension cord run from inside the house to Rebel’s nearby dog house where he is lying on his stomach and watching TV over a cup of hot coco. Bingo looks at the yard as he stretches one arm and pulls the other one behind his back as he straightens his back out.
Mr. Wilkin: Nothing? What do you call this? Fallen leafs in a yard is nature’s litter son!
Bingo: Won’t the wind just blow the leafs away eventually?
Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is pointing at the rake by the fence as Bingo follows along with his eyes.
Mr. Wilkin: True, but you’ll be raking leafs and we’ll have a clean yard immediately.
Panel two: Bingo is picking up the rake as his father looks over at the Smythe yard as it is barren of a single leaf and looks perfect. In the Smythe backyard a few bar bells are left along with a truck tire and sledgehammer that has been broken in half.
Mr. Wilkin: The worst thing than Sampson having a cleaner yard is having to listen to that Neanderthal brag about it nonstop!
Panel three: Bingo is pointing over at the Smythe house as Mr. Wilkin waves the idea off like an NFL would motion for a missed field goal.
Bingo: Can I ask Samantha to help?
Mr. Wilkin: No way! You’ll be distracted from work! Like last summer!
Panel four: Bingo has a thought balloon of himself kissing Samantha on knee high grass as he smiles at the memory. Mr. Wilkin rolls his eyes and motions up to the sky in a “why me lord” hand motion as he has a thought balloon of himself straining to mow the grass with a push lawnmower as Bingo kissing Samantha is in the background of his though balloon.
Bingo: The grass got cut somehow.
Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is going inside the house as Bingo begins to angrily rake leafs.
Mr. Wilkin: Just get to work! And I just want to see green by the time I come back to check on you!
Panel two: Bingo is raking up some leafs just in front of the trees as he begins to clear a path were you can see grass from underneath the leaves.
Panel three: Bingo looks on as the wind blows and several leafs fall off the trees and begin to undo his work. Some leafs land in the body imprint he left on his hammock.
Panel four: Bingo is leaning forward against the rake as he eyes the trees as they are still filled with multi-colored leaves and a few are already beginning to fall even now.
Bingo: Come to think, even when I get the leaves piled up, these old trees are just going to drop even more leafs down and I’m going to have to start all over again.
Panel five: Bingo is still looking up at the trees as a giant gust of wind begins to blow.
Bingo: Too bad I just can’t make all the leafs fall and be done with it.
Panel six: A high angle view from above the tree as the wind blows off several more leafs as they toss and turn in the spiraling winds. Bingo has a light bulb over his head as he has come up with an idea. Rebel is lying on top of his dog house ala Snoopy, but is clutching his lower back.
Bingo: Actually this wind gives me an idea…
Rebel: I don’t get how my cousin sleeps like this!!
Panel one: Bingo is now holding a massive red and purple leaf blower—The BIG BLOW HARD 3000 2.0—as he is looking at the dials on the control panel as he points the nozzle up at the trees.
Caption: A quick hop, skip and rummage through the garage later…
Bingo: Dad’s new leaf blower is what I need. I’ll just blow the leafs off the tree now, rake all the leafs up, and be done with it all.
Panel two: Bingo is moving the dial past OFF, LOW, HIGH, SUPER HIGH, and onto HURRICANE MAKER.
Bingo: Yeah, that should be just about what I’ll need…
Panel three: The Big Blow Hard begins to shake and rumble as Bingo points the nozzle up at the trees.
Bingo: Looks like it’s getting warmed up and in just a few seconds all my problems will be solved..!
Panel four: Bingo is losing control of The Big Blow Hard as he is being thrown into the air as leaves are circling everywhere. One leaf is seemingly pressed against the left corner of the panel to show how big a wind The Blow Hard is generating. Rebel is clinging onto his dog house for dear life and still the dog house is being ripped off it's foundations.
Bingo: NEW PROBLEM! NEW PROBLEM!
« on: January 26, 2014, 11:45:32 AM »
A bad guy month. Where each main title would have it's main story being one of the protagonists rivals. For Archie, Reggie would be the star. For Betty and Veronica, Cheryl would be the star for Kevin Keller...
Um, maybe just to avoid problems have Devon be the star.
I just thought it might be something that could be fun for a month.
« on: January 21, 2014, 11:38:00 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Wilkin kitchen as Bingo is sitting at the kitchen table, his elbow on the table and his left face cheek in his palm as his head is titled to see that he has a swollen jaw caused by a tooth. Mrs. Wilkin is walking away from the oven where she has prepared macaroni and cheese and is bring Bingo a plate. On a nearby counter, several mice look on enviously. The nearby refrigerator is decorated with small letter magnets spelling out Wilkin with an S as far away from the N. A list is held in place by a magnet of Cosmo The Merry Martian. The list reads: 1. Pick up Uncle Herman from Older League Practice. 2. Avoid The Annoying Gorilla Next Door. 3. Hawaiian Shirts. NEED MORE!
Bingo No thanks, Mom—I’m not that hungry.
Mrs. Wilkin: Not that hungry or can’t eat because you still have a toothache?
Panel two: Bingo’s eyes go wide as he reaches for a glass of ice that his mother is handing him as she looks down at him with confidence that this will prove that he has a toothache and needs to see the dentist.
Mrs. Wilkin: Okay. If you can chew this ice, then I will admit I was wrong and never bring the subject up again.
Bingo: Fair enough…
Panel three: Bingo begins to chew the ice slowly.
Panel four: Bingo’s eyes light up and his face distorts as pain is going into every nerve in his body and even his hair by the way it is standing up.
Panel five: Bingo let’s out a giant scream of pain as bits of ice erupt from his mouth as his mother is on her cellphone and begins to punch in numbers.
Mrs. Wilkin: And that’s that. You’re going to see the dentist!
Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is talking on the cellphone as Bingo is holding his right face cheek as he is jumping up and down on one foot in pain as he uses his free hand to motion for his mom to stop.
Mrs. Wilkin: Hello, yes, this is Wilma Wilkins…yes, it has been awhile—I would like to make an appoint for my son Bingo to meet with Dr. Preston—
Panel two: Bingo has calmed down as he listens to his mother.
Mrs. Wilkin: Oh…Dr. Preston has retired?...
Panel three: Bingo is jumping up and down in joy as Mrs. Wilkin continues to talk as she rolls her eyes to watch Bingo.
Mrs. Wilkin: I see…well, good for him…uh-huh….
Panel four: Bingo stops celebrating as his mother continues to talk on the phone as she turns her head away from Bingo.
Mrs. Wilkin: Yes. She’ll be just fine. Tomorrow at two. Perfect! Thank you!
Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin turns to talk to Bingo who as crumpled to the ground in utter despair.
Mrs. Wilkin: Isn’t that nice? Dr. Preston has retired, but his daughter has taken over his practice.
Bingo: Super duper.
Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is pulling Bingo up to his feet as she becomes stern with him. Bingo winces as his tooth begins to throb.
Mrs. Wilkin: Come now, Bingo! You’re a young man! You should not be afraid of the dentist!
Panel two: Bingo replies to his mother as she slightly blushes.
Bingo: You’re afraid of insects and baby mice.
Mrs. Wilkin: Er, well that’s different…
Panel three: Bingo opens up his mouth wide and uses a finger to act like a scalpel to illustrate his point.
Bingo: Yeah! I’m afraid of someone with sharp instruments of optimal sharpiness jabbing the inside of my mouth to mush!
Panel four: Mrs. Wilkin glares at Bingo and begins to lay down the law as he looks away as he tries to think of a way out of this situation.
Mrs. Wilkin: This is not open to discussion!! I’m your mother! I say you go to the dentist tomorrow at two! End of story!
Bingo: I don’t like horror stories….
Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin begins to walk away as Bingo has a slight smile on his face and rolls his eyes coyly to the reader.
Mrs. Wilkin: And I trust you to go there without me holding your hand!
Bingo: Not a problem.
Panel one: Bingo, still sporting a swollen jaw, is walking down a street with Samantha. They are holding hands as they go. Billy Drumhead (trading in his hippy attire, sans hat, for a leather jacket and red shirt) and Zelda are walking past them with Billy tipping his hat to Bingo. Zelda looks at Samantha mischievously as if she knows something is up. A nearby store reading SIGNS-A-PLENTY is just in front of the couple. On display is a sign of a giant clock pointed at five with a banner reading: Miraculous. Right Twice of the Day!
Caption: Around 1:45
Bingo: --I’m telling you Samantha, catching one of these early afternoon shows is a great idea.
Samantha: I’m sure it is.
Panel two: Bingo begins to look around as Samantha begins to lead him by his hand towards a turn in the street.
Bingo: Hey, are you sure this is a short cut, Sam? Because if we had just walked the old standard route—
Samantha: Trust me, honey.
Panel three: Bingo has a look of shock on his face as he turns the corner. Samantha is all smiles as she pulls Bingo along.
Panel four: Samantha and Bingo are standing in front of a dentist office called Preston Picking Teeth Dentistry. A small boy is coming out of the office with his mother with a giant lollipop and a toothbrush and toothpaste in his other hand as he merrily skips away. In the window is a cartoon Tooth with giant eyes and giant smile. Samantha is standing out in the street like a Price is Right showcase model as Bingo glares at Samantha.
Samantha: Tee-Hee. Your mom gave me the 411.
Bingo: I trusted you!!
Bingo: Cousin Jughead was right all along!! All girls are deceitful!!
« on: January 19, 2014, 11:46:11 PM »
Reviewing the Archie Forums Award Winning Jughead Double Digest…that in two months will be canceled, and changed to Jughead and Archie. I guess, if you’re a low selling Archie comic, you’d better star Kevin Keller or else. I kid, I kid.
1. Boldman and Lindsey. Man, reviewing Jughead Double digest is easy. I automatically know what two good things are. Boldman and Lindsey bring us a few great stories. Ever wonder about the people who moved into Jughead’s old house? We get a fun nightmare story with Jughead violating the fridge permit, Jughead substituting for an out of town Archie (Think Bugs Bunny filling in for the Road Runner), Dilton taking a page out of Trula Twyst’s playbook with his and Jughead’s science project, and the wonders of a thermos bottle. All the characters are written wonderfully and the art is amazing (especially the ground beef and butter fly.) The only bad thing I can really say is that one story has Jughead’s mom drawn like Jughead. Brrr
2. Samm Schwartz. And the other think I can count on being good. Again, you have great classic Jughead art. And, lest we forget he does his letterings too, he adds a nice touch to one story where a motion wave is going through a word balloon as his hat is snatched from him. It’s little things that bring a story out. And let’s not forget Doyle and Gladir pen some great stories involving Jughead predicting the weather, why Jughead doesn’t dress up, hat swaps, and a few others. Lots of good Schwartz stories, so if you’re a fan (and you know you are) you’ll be happy.
3. Archie. I know a lot of people who don’t like Archie, and honestly, I think I can see why with the newer stories because—we’ll he’s a jerk. But you have two stories that I think really capture the character. The first “Ski-Cart Catastrophe” has Archie building a ski-cart and trying it out. Just a great combination of naiveté and inventiveness mixed with bad planning and stupidity. And “Treasure Hunt” has Archie having to resort to combing the beach for money, finds a locket, does the right thing in trying to find the owner and gets rewarded—boy does he get rewarded! That’s the Archie I think most people like, a guy who has to work hard, not hardly a dime to his name between dating and Jughead, be inventive and while he seems to attract women, he has an innocence about him.
4. That Wilkin Boy. Two great stories. One about a May-September romance and Sampson’s reaction to it and a cute story where Bingo quickly realizes to pick his fights. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m kinda taking Sampson’s side in a lot of these stories. Thinks a old guy is dating his daughter, prepare to be hit with a wooden chair. That’s good parenting!
5 Nate Butler. I actually like the story in “Femme Fatale” of women actually rewarding Jughead—but the art again! Still, I’ll be nice because the story is pretty good, and we’re only one issue from the end—I’m going to put him in the good column!
1. Time Police. Honestly, I’m kind of mixed on the series. I think it’s a good idea, but wasn’t executed properly. Jughead is way to active and seems a lot out of character. But good writing and great art half the time pulls it though…unless we get to the other half of the art that is bad. In other words: Rex Lindsey good…anyone else bad. And this a rare story where I thought Rich “gonna kill me spell check” Margopoulos wrote a pretty boring and confusing story.
2. No Ethel or Trula stories. I don’t know, I just think that they should at least have one in a digest. Y’know, supporting characters outside of Archie and the gang. Actually, a Trula story would be nice, it's been a while.
3. “Prints of Wail” Pretty boring story. I mean, Reggie’s stock is real low where you actually have the characters pretty much pointing out how lame he is and then boriningly outwitting him. It’s no fun when everyone openly acknowledges Reggie is predictable and a loser. And the art is by Stan Goldberg past his great phase and nearing his...not good art timeline.
Again, like I’ve stated before, it’s really hard to have a horrible Jughead double digest when you have creators who did constant great work. There are a few stories. The Time Police story really hurts the grade because it is a full issue story (meaning you could have had three to four better stories), and it’s boring. Hey, I’ll take a bad story over a boring one any day. At least, I’ll talk about it. I didn’t even want to go over Time Police because I’d have to look back and be fair. Yep. Still boring. Still, I’d give this digest a B.
What I learned.
1. The ski-cart is not a good idea—at least until you provide steering or brakes.
2. Riverdale has the cheapest coffee.
3. Col. Pickens is as big a lie as Jebediah Springfield…only with more time travel and less attempted murder of presidents.
4. Feng Shui remains in house even when past tenants move out.
5. Jughead’s dart board controls the weather in Riverdale
6. If you’re poor person who just bought a great toy, assume that a rich person will also have the same great toy.
7. Someone needs to smack Dilton’s annoying cousin as hard as they can!!!
8. Cupid Incorporated established and closed the same afternoon
9. Jellybean’s favorite baby food is strained pizza with anchovies.
10. Lollipops = Good. Ties = Bad.
« on: January 10, 2014, 09:00:34 PM »
Which one of these would you rather have to endure?
1. Having to eat as much food as Jughead does in a day or being chased around town by Big Ethel
2. Having to spend a day walking next to Jinx Malloy or being Reggie's prime target on April Fool's Day.
3. Having to pay for one of Veronica's expensive dates or being thrown out of Lodge Manson three times.
4. Taking a Moose beating (Like Reggie) or having Trula Twyst play mindgames with you (like she does Jughead)
« on: January 04, 2014, 07:35:21 PM »
1. Archie as a good athlete or Archie as a bad athlete
2. Midge who is loyal to Moose or Midge who will see Reggie behind Moose's back
3. Cheryl Blossom attending Riverdale High or Not
4. Jughead who is tolerant to females or Jughead who abhors females
« on: January 02, 2014, 11:43:49 PM »
I actually did this before the Lone Ranger movie came out and planned on posting it--but then the movie flopped and I forgot. I don't like critiquing others but--HOW DO YOU NOT MAKE THE LONE RANGER A RANGER!?
Part I: BEFORE THE MASK.
Panel one: A high shot of a far away western town in the middle of the Wild West. The landscape is barren land with coyotes and prairie dogs riding tumble weeds being blown by a heavy wind. The wind kicks up various dust that swirls in the air.
Caption: The Old Wild West. A time where good guys wore white hats and bad guy wore black hats. People who wore grey hats could go either way depending on facial hair.
Panel two: A closer shot of the town as we are on a street that leads into town with various buildings lined up along the street. On the right of the street is the Cooper General Store, The Riverdale Very First Bank, and the city hall with a dressed up Mr .Lodge in suit and top hat coming out with a tag on his coat that reads: MAYOR. On the right is Pop Tate’s Soda Saloon (complete with old timely windows and double doors), Several horses are tied up just in front of The Soda Saloon. The horses are using glass mugs as they drink from a water trough. Next to the Soda Saloon is The Funeral Parlor with a sign reading: Funeral Parlor: There’s a bullet with your name on it—might as well have a rock with your name, too! And right next to that is the Riverdale Hotel that is taller than all the other buildings. A husband is helping his wife carry in eight suitcases and trunks of clothes as he strains while his wife waits impatiently. At the end of the street is the Riverdale Jail. A cowboy and his horse are riding down the street and taking his hat off to lady. A man wearing a derby hat is twirling his cane as he watches several children play. Several children are playing cowboy and Indians with one lone kid as the Indian seemingly capturing the other kids playing cowboy.
Caption: Today we focus on the settlement of Riverdale and the beginning of a legend.
Caption: The legend of a man who fought for law and order, strived to obtain justice, and always washed his hands before every meal and every time he used the bathroom…
Panel three: A close-up on the Soda Saloon as a cowboy wearing a brown vest and blue shirt is playing Fish with three other cowboys. One cowboy slams his hand down in anger. From the cowboys hat, we can see several cards under his hat.
Cowboy: Go Fish!
Panel four a shot over the shoulder of someone wearing a white hat with a bit of familiar orange hair being seen and a blue shirt as the cowboy scrambles to his feet and begins to run off in fear of the cowboy standing before him.
White hat cowboy: I don’t take kindly for double dealing and over the shoulder looksies in my town, pard.
Caption: Today we learn the origin of---
Panel one: A shot of Archie as the sheriff. He is wearing awhite hat with a brown vest over a light tented shirt with a purple bandana tied to his neck. A sheriff’s badge is stuck to his chest. He is wearing dark blue jeans and light brown boots. He is leaning back against the double doors as he watches with pride that the card cheat is running off.
Sheriff Archie: Keeping the peace is only a little noisy as long as you take long strides and stand firm!
Caption: -- OF THE LEGEND OF THE SOLO SHERIFF!!
Panel two: Sheriff Archie falls back as the doors flip backwards and he lands on his back as his legs go straight up into the air.
Panel three: A shot the same as before now with no pain stars and Sheriff Archie completely out of panel.
Sheriff Archie off-panel: Owie. I feel on my prison keys…
Caption: …I swear he gets better! Cool mask and horse and everything! I promise..!
Panel one: Sheriff Archie is beginning to sit up as he shakes out the cobwebs as a lady wearing a fancy but quant pink dress is standing over him and offering him a hand.
Lady: Need a hand, sheriff?
Panel two: We now see that the lady is Betty Cooper. Betty is fawning over Sheriff Archie as she has hearts in her eyes. Sheriff Archie doesn’t seem to notice as he is dusting himself off.
Betty Cooper: I saw what happened from the General Store. You were so brave and handsome like you always are.
Sheriff Archie: That’s nice…
Betty: Maybe we could go inside and have a--
Panel three: Sheriff Archie’s head jersk up and his eyes light up as he looks past Betty. Betty frowns and rolls her eyes in familiar frustration.
Off-panel voice: Oh Sheriffkins! I saw everything from daddy’s office!
Sheriff Archie: You did?! Really?!
Betty: Sigh. That Mayor’s daughter is as welcomed as a cattle stampede
Panel four: A shot of Veronica wearing a fancy purple and blue dress, a hat, and wearing white gloves as she strikes a pose and shows off her looks. Various cowboys look and gaze at her from all sides (including up) of the panel as the are amazed at her beauty. Several of the cowboys bare a resemblance to the cast of Life and Times of Wyatt Earp.
Veronica: I did. In fact, I’m so impressed that I’m going to let you treat me to a malt soda.
Panel five: Sheriff Archie is leaping up and down in joy as his arms frail about wildly. Veronica looks over at Betty and playfully sticks her tongue out at her. Betty responds by making faces and sticking her tongue out back. The various cowboys from before are walking away dejectedly as the cowboys on top of the previous panel are beginning to fall to the street.
Sheriff Archie: YAHOO! YIPEE! HOHAH!
Panel one: Sheriff Archie and the ladies begin to enter the Saloon as we can see various card games going on at different tables. Raj and Chuck are making a card house on one panel, Two cowboys are playing Go fish with cartoon cards of Cosmo The Merry Martian and Super Duck. Several cowboys are drinking their mugs of soda as one lets out a giant burp through a heavy muschache that covers his mouth. A dirty, coon skin hat wearing mountain man with dirty boots that have left muddy foot prints across the floor shakes his head at the bad manners shown by the burper. A man clad in all black with a mustache is handing out business cards. A tall man with short blonde hair carrying a rifle is walking out with his ten year old son who has several pieces of candy he’s beginning to eat. Pop Tate is at the bar washing a mug. As Archie is being complimented Archie rubs his star in confidence. Veronica rolls her eyes at Betty’s attempts to suck up to Archie.
Betty: Archie, you’ve been doing a great job as sheriff! We haven’t had a killing, robbing, horse theivin’ or jaywalking in a week—a new record.
Sheriff Archie: I guess I’m just a natural.
Panel two: Veronica is talking as Sheriff Archie, as he rotates his right shoulder to illustrate how sore it is from him having to constantly use it to throw rocks, has a thought balloon of himself in Mayor Lodge’s office as Mayor Lodge is at his desk and is angrily pointing at a portrait of himself with a fresh gun hole as Sheriff Archie looks on guiltily as he slowly lays his gun on the ground.
Veronica: I have to agree with Miss Cooper. In fact, if you keep this up, Daddykins might let you have your gun back.
Archie: Heh. That would be great. My arm’s getting sore from having to throw rocks at bad guys.
Panel three: Sheriff Archie walks ahead as Betty and Veronica begin to have a spat.
Betty: Gee, why don’t you go talk to him about it now?
Veronica: Why don’t you go and sell another rusty pot to a prospector?
Panel four: Betty and Veronica are nose to nose as they begin to argue.
Betty: My pots are not rusty, they have character, you self absorbed twit!!
Veronica: Don’t you yell at me, buffalo breathe!!
Panel one: Archie is sitting at the bar as Pop Tate pours him a soda as he seems disappointed that the girls have forgotten all about him and are arguing with each other in the background. Betty is sticking her nose up in the air while Veronica has her shoulders slumped and arms dragging like a caveman. Two women resembling Miss Kitty and Annie Oakley shake their head at the two girls.
Pop Tate: So how goes the duties of the tin star, Archie?
Archie: My tin star is much less dangerous than my love triangle, Pops.
Panel two: Archie is talking as a background of a wanted poster with various shadow cowboy figures wearing red bandana masks appears just behind him to illustrate his conversation with Pop Tate The poster reads WANTED DEAD OR VERY BEATEN. $50,000 (less if your you’re a good Samaritan.)
Archie: I’ve been telegraphed that the notorious Red Bandana Gang may be heading our way, but me and my new mysterious deputy haven’t found a hint of them.
Panel three: Archie turns around as he hears a voice talk to him.
Off-Panel: Sheriff Idio—er, Sheriff Archie!
Panel four: A shot of Reggie dressed in all black and wearing black hat and dark blue vest with a small tin star pinned on it. Just under the star is a pocket containing a small red cloth. Reggie has a curly mustache and is rubbing his hands together like a super villain. Behind him at a card table everyone has dealt Aces and Eights as a foreshadowing sign. Archie doesn’t seem to notice or care as he springs out of his seat.
Deputy Reggie: I just found The Red Bandana Gang setting up camp just under Going To Be A Dead Man Cliff! We head on out alone, and we can catch them by surprise!
Caption next to Reggie’s hat: BLACK HAT ALERT!!
Panel five: Archie races past the arguing girls as Reggie follows behind him as he adjusts a red bandana that is in his upper vest pocket as a foreshadowing side of what’s to come.
Archie: We head on out alone, and we can catch them by surprise!
Reggie: Oh, someone will be surprised, Sheriff. Heh heh.
« on: December 24, 2013, 11:07:56 PM »
Mr. Lodge is storming into his mansion as he is wearing a hat and trench coat that is covered with snow as Smithers greets him at the door and begins to take his coat. Veronica and Mrs. Lodge greet him as he comes inside. Mr. Lodge is holding a briefcase that looks like it is going to explode because of the amount of paper and files inside. Mr. Lodge doesn’t notice that Archie, wearing winter clothing, mittens, earmuffs, is happily whistling up the path (made easier thanks to Mr. Lodge leaving foot imprints to step safely. Archie has a Christmas wrapped box under his arm as he goes on his way without a care.
Mr. Lodge: What a business trip! Plane delays, overbooked hotels, having to bend over backwards and do flips for that miserable old goat Wormwood just to preserve what I could of the south Greendale forest district!
Mrs. Lodge: Now, Hiram, don’t come home on Christmas Eve in such a foul mood.
Veronica: Mother is right, Daddykins. Don’t let your worries drown the merriment of the season.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to adjust his tie as he is trying to calm down. Mr. Lodge’s glasses are beginning to fog up from being outside in the cold to suddenly being in a nice warm house. Archie is beginning to walk just behind Mr. Lodge as he waves at Smithers. Smithers rolls his eyes as he hangs up Mr. Lodge’s coat on a nearby coat rack made of gold as his reply to Archie. Veronica becomes overjoyed to see Archie.
Mr. Lodge: You’re both right. In this house, all the problems and tribulation I have experienced can just stay outside.
Panel three: Archie is right behind Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge’s glasses unfog to show his eyes glaring in aggravation.
Archie: Merry Christmas, Mr. Lodge!
Mr. Lodge: I was just talk about you, Archie.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge turns around and points a finger at Archie as Archie has the Christmas present extended in both hands. Mr. Lodge’s briefcase brushes against Archie’s knee as the brief case begins to shake and tremble like a chemical about to have a chain reaction before it explodes.
Mr. Lodge: Archie, get out! I’m in no mood for you! You can’t go an instant without causing me grief!
Archie: That’s not true!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge and Archie look down at the briefcase as it begins to shake and is about to erupt like a geyser with various papers, charts, and files. Smithers begins to run past Mr. Lodge and Archie towards the Lodge women.
Panel three: The briefcase erupts as various papers, files, charts, contracts, a horseshoe, a rabbit’s foot, and a jar with a label reading: Lucky Pennies (one is never enough) and even a Cosmos the Merry Martian doll explodes from the briefcase. Mr. Lodge takes a step back away from the briefcase while Archie uses the gift as a shield for his face. Smithers is shielding the Lodge women from the papers as various papers begin to stick to his back. Mrs. Lodge is covering Veronica’s head as Veronica has her fingers in her ears.
Panel four: The entire floor is covered in paper, files, and various other work items. Archie is shrugging his shoulders as he smiles nervously. Mr. Lodge is fuming as his face is bright red and he looks like he is going to explode with rage his head is lowered and his shoulder raised as he grits his teeth and steam is coming from his nostrils. Veronica and Mrs. Lodge are looking at the notes stuck to Smithers back. One note reads Sign Mad Gladys to Record Deal. Another reads Fred Mirth = Future Potential? And the last reads R(iverdale)DA Golden Ring mining Mobius project seeking Avatar.
Archie: See? That was a second easy.
Panel one: Archie has dropped the gift as he begins to back away from Mr. Lodge who stalks towards him with hand out and fingers twinging like they were talons about to clasp a small animal.
Archie: Now remember, Mr. Lodge—um er, Santa is watching you right now!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to chase after Archie as Archie runs away down a hall of the mansion. The hallway is decorated with various Christmas lights, a Christmas banner reading A Merry West Wing, and Christmas reefs hanging along the walls.
Mr. Lodge: I’m rich! I can get anything I want! And all I really want for Christmas to get my hands on you!!
Panel three: Mr. Lodge has entered a room with a fireplace burning with stockings hung up for the family. Mr. and Mrs. Lodge’s stockings are golden and has various small gift boxes and teddy bears. Veronica’s stocking is five times as big as her parents and is filled with various jewels and new credit cards. Mr. Lodge is just behind a lit Christmas tree as he tries to find Archie. The Christmas tree is around eight feet tall, with various nutcracker, golden balls, and snowmen as decorations. The tree is wrapped in golden tinsel, red and green flashing lights, and a golden star with a L inscribed in the middle.
Mr. Lodge: Now where did he go?! I know he scuttled about close by.
Panel four: Archie inside of the Christmas tree sneezes as Mr. Lodge casually talks as he almost walks away from the Christmas Tree.
Archie in the tree: Achooie!
Mr. Lodge: Bless you.
Archie in the tree: Thank you.
Mr. Lodge: Think nothing of it.
Panel five: Mr. Lodge’s eyes go wide with realization as Archie peeks through branches of the Christmas tree timidly.
Mr. Lodge: !!!
Panel six: Mr. Lodge begins to lunge inside of the tree to get Archie as the tree shakes violently as the two begin to tussle.
Mr. Lodge: Now I’ve got you, you red menace!
Archie: Yow! Say what you will about The Grinch, but he at least didn’t try to kill a Christmas tree!
Panel one: Mr. Lodge has Archie by his back shirt collar and belt as he is preparing to throw him out. Archie has his left hand on his face cheek and his elbow dragging as he is disappointed, but used to this treatment by now. Mr. Lodge has shreds of tinsel all over him and Christmas lights are snagged around his left leg as continues onward regardless. Archie has various Christmas decorations stuck on his shirt and in his hair. Smithers is happily opening the door for Mr. Lodge. Mrs. Lodge and Veronica are sitting on the briefcase as they have managed to put all the material back inside.
Veronica: Daddy, don’t! It wasn’t Archie’s fault…for once.
Mrs. Lodge: A Christmas miracle!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge heaves Archie out the door as Archie bounces once in the middle of the driveway and begins to slide down the path thanks to snow and ice.
Mr. Lodge: Now stay out! And I had better not see a red hair or freckle until New Year!
Panel three: Veronica is in a huff as Mr. Lodge wipes his hands clean of Archie, like he had just put out the trash while he is shaking his left leg free of the Christmas lights. Smithers is rubbing Mr. Lodge’s shoulders to help relax his muscles as if he had just completed a round of boxing. Mrs. Lodge is holding Archie’s gift as she examines the tag.
Mr. Lodge: Oh, don’t worry. He has the memory of a concussed hummingbird. I would have tossed his box after him if it wasn’t a gift for you, Veronica.
Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, sweetie, the gift is not for Veronica.
Panel four: Mrs. Lodge holds the gift out to Mr. Lodge as he reacts with surprise as does Smithers, who is to his left. Veronica glares at the gift when she learns it’s not for her.
Mr. Lodge: It isn’t?
Smithers: It isn’t?
Veronica: Why isn’t it!?
Panel one: Mr. Lodge holds the Christmas present and can see from the tag that it is for him?
Mr. Lodge: Me?
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to open the present as he and everyone else look over his shoulders to see what it is.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge holds up a small snow globe with a mansion inside and a small note is taped to it as Mr. Lodge reads it aloud.
Mr. Lodge: “To Mr. Lodge. I know that I cause your blood pressure to spike, break your possessions, and date your daughter, but all in all you’re still a nice guy. Merry Christmas—Archie.”
Panel four: Mr. Lodge uncomfortably turns his head to see Veronica, Mrs. Lodge, and even Smithers glaring at him.
Mr. Lodge: …Well…but—I didn’t know--!! How could I have known---?!
Veronica: By doing what you just did earlier!
Panel five: Mr. Lodge hangs his head in shame as the three now have their arms crossed as they continue to stare him down. Over Mr. Lodge’s right shoulder is an angel version of himself standing over a defeated devil version of himself with various bruises and a broken left horn to show he got thrashed big time.
Smithers: Sir, even I acknowledge you have to make things right with the lad.
Mr. Lodge: Sigh. I must be the only extremely wealthy person with a fully developed conscious.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge is opening the door and waving Archie back in as Archie is rubbing his sore butt with both hands as he looks back at Mr. Lodge. In the deep snow of the yard, a polar bear is sticking his head out surprising a rabbit wearing snow shoes.
Mr. Lodge: Archie! Come here!
Panel two: Archie begins to come inside as Mr. Lodge smiles warmly at Archie. Archie is looking around worriedly as he eyes Mr. Lodge and his body tenses up. In the background we can see the polar bear, still covered in the snow except for his head and a paw, is offering the rabbit a soda.
Archie: You’re not just calling me back to throw me out again, are you, Sir?
Mr. Lodge: No, no! I’d only do that on my birthday.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge pats Archie on the head as Archie smiles, almost resembling a pet owner and his puppy dog. Behind Mr. Lodge is his family and Smithers. Smithers is holding the snow globe at his chest. Both female Lodge members are smiling at Archie.
Mr. Lodge: Archie Andrews, you are a clutz, I don’t like you dating my daughter, you annoy me in everything you do, and I see absolutely nothing in you…
Mr. Lodge: But you are a good young man with a thoughtful heart.
Panel four: Veronica grabs Archie by his arm and drags the love dazed, and sweating like he’s in a sauna Archie inside as Archie begins to track in water and mud from his boots on the floor as Smithers can only smirk. Mr. Lodge looks like he is going to protest. Next to Mr. Lodge is Mrs. Lodge with both arms behind her back and looking affectionately at M. Lodge.
Veronica: Come in! You need to warm up, and I had the maids put up mistletoe in the middle of the main hall!
Archie: I want to live in a forest of mistletoe trees!!
Mr. Lodge: Teenagers. You give them a compliment, and they run off with your daughter!
Panel one: Mrs. Lodge is holding mistletoe just above her head as she smiles at Mr. Lodge, who grins back as he brushes his mustache with his index finger. Smithers looks on and wipes a tear from his eye as he is genuinely moved by the show off affection.
Mrs. Lodge: Oh, don’t worry, Hiram. I already beat her to it.
Mr. Lodge: My, such a naughty young lady I’m married to.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to kiss Mrs. Lodge as Mr. Lodge points at the briefcase. Smithers is placing the snow globe on a nearby stand as he prepares to grab the brief case.
Mr. Lodge: Smithers. You know where to put that briefcase away?
Smithers: But of course, Sir.
Panel three: A shot of The Lodges kissing as Mrs. Lodge continues to hold the mistletoe above her head. Smithers is throwing the briefcase out the door. The snow globe has the snow flakes inside forming a heart to help illustrate the scene.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL. MAY ALL FAMILES AND FIRENDS BE TOGETHER, AND THOSE WHO CANNOT, MAY WARM MEMORIES OF THOSE LOST BRING YOU JOY AND COMFORT.
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