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Topics - PTF
« on: July 02, 2013, 06:32:04 PM »
She just seems to get it way worse than Betty in terms of writing?
I mean, every character would rather have Archie date Betty. I can't think of a character who actually would like to see Archie and Veronica together.
Veronica, when a story is teaching a lesson, is shown as dumb and evil and Betty as smart and virtuous. Heck, when I was growing up, I reads stories where Veronica was pure evil and trying to ruin Betty's reputation like they were mortal enemies.
Put Betty and Veronica in a fairy tale and guess who is the evil queen or princess.
I was always the kid who liked the The Coyote and Tom because--I just felt bad that they always lost and never gave up and I think that holds true to Veronica.
« on: June 22, 2013, 12:51:15 PM »
That he may be the only Archie artist who can draw every character really, really well?
I mean, even the greats had a character that gave them trouble. I've seen a few DeCarlo stories where his Ethel wasn't very good (But considering he's well known for drawing attractive females, so I can see why the ugliest character threw him off)
I can't think of a character he's drawn that I didn't like. I mean, maybe early on his Cheryl Blossom with her wide eyes like Betty and Veronica's but not anymore. I mean, that's pretty much it ever.
« on: June 07, 2013, 11:15:22 PM »
Just looking at Rich B's art and list of characters and it got me thinking that there should never be a random teenager in Miss Grundy's classroom as you have enough current teen characters, thanks to the introduction of the new kids, to fill out a class easy. Plus it would be a great way to get lesser characters some panel time.
« on: June 07, 2013, 04:47:38 PM »
Panel one: Jughead is walking down the lunchroom aisle as various other students are in their tables beginning to eat their lunch food. One student sticks a spoon into a grey glob on his tray and stretches it as far as his arm can go as other students look on in fright. Jughead is licking his lips as he looks down at his double mashed potatoes, two times the tator tots, a large block of jelly with a drumstick in it, and a small plastic cup of water.
Jughead: My favorite time of the day and my favorite school subject…Lunch!
Panel two: A close-up on Jughead’s shoes as his shoelaces are untied and he begins to trip over his feet.
Caption: Why knot tying is a skill needed for every day life in three…two…one--
Panel three: Jughead steadies himself and saves the food, but his glass of water sails ahead of him and hits someone.
Jughead: C’mon, Jughead! Balance! Steady! That’s what all the drills are for--!!
Panel four: Jughead looks up as a female figure looms over him.
Jughead: Okay, recovered and saved everything but my—
Panel one: Jughead is standing before a drenched Trula Twyst wearing the plastic cup as a hat as she glares at Jughead. Trula has her own food tray that now has water all over it. He food tray consists of an apple and a salad.
Jughead: TRULA TWST?!
Trula: I think you have something to say to me, Juggers!!
Panel two: Jughead feigns sadness as he scratches the back of his head.
Jughead: Yeah, I guess I could say “I’m sorry”, but then people would think I’m a clutz AND a liar…
Panel three: Jughead walks away laughing his head off as Trula turns around and glares at her as she is now squishing the plastic cup in her hand as she plots revenge. The student from before is trying to drown the grey glob with milk as it seems to be trying to attack him with the spoon handle.
Jughead: …I’ll just go with this:
Jughead: BWWAAHHHA HHAAA HAAA!!!
Panel one: It is the end of the day at Riverdale High as Jughead and Archie are walking out amongst the other students. Jughead is bragging to Archie about what he’s done, even popping his collar as he talks. Archie talks with Jughead, but looks at several attractive teenage girls running past him and Jughead. The Riverdale Mascot Bulldog is chasing after a bouncing ball as he nearly knocks down the Twitters, all on their cellphones as they are twittering.
Jughead: Archie, did you see me strike a blow against that awful Trula Twit!
Archie: You mean when you stumbled and spilled your cup of water on her?
Panel two: Jughead and Archie are down the stairs of Riverdale High as Jughead has his back to the school as he talks to Archie as Archie looks up and notices a certain curly haired girl on the roof of the school looking down at them.
Jughead: Circumstances and outcomes make up a brilliant victory, my good man.
Panel three: Archie is running away as Jughead scratches his head as to why. Coming right at Jughead’s back are two water balloons as several other students jump back.
Jughead: Huh. Wonder what brought that on.
Panel four: The balloons contact Jughead as his hat flies straight in the air and he begins to fall on his stomach from the amount of water and the impact.
Jughead: By Poisoden’s bath towel!!
Panel five: Jughead looks up to see Trula at the top of Riverdale High laughing at him like he did her.
Trula: Consider us even! Or to better phrase…
Trula: BWWAAHH HAA HAA!!
Panel six: Jughead is on the ground fuming as the water on his body begins to evaporate in a cloud of steam he is so angry. The Twitters are taking pictures of Jughead on their phones as suddenly every other student notices their cells going off to alert them to a new tweet. Jughead strikes the pavement with a fist creating a small crack as various students look on.
Jughead: That pest is getting the spider down the water spout treatment before this day is done!!
Panel one: Archie and Jughead are in Archie’s car as they begin to drive around a Riverdale street. Jughead has his backpack pulled to his chest, containing an unknown item as he angrily look outside as if he was trying to find someone. A small drop of water begins to leak out from the bottom of the backpack.
Archie: Jughead, glad to have you aboard. You normally don’t usual ride along when I show off my car to the ladies.
Jughead: Sure…It’s the only time I don’t have to worry about a girl getting in the way.
Panel two: Jughead is pointing for Archie to take a left as Archie complies.
Jughead: Hey, Arch, why don’t we take a left, she might be at the boo—er, I mean the girl of your dreams might be that way!
Panel three: Archie and Jughead are slowly driving as Jughead points his finger at Trula Twyst just coming out of the READING IS YOUR RIGHT bookstore as she is reading a book and not paying attention to anything else. With his free hand, Jughead is reaching into his backpack. Archie suspiciously begins to comply.
Jughead: There she is! There she is!
Jughead: Pull in slowly…
Archie: Um, what are you--?
Panel four: Trula looks up from her book as Jughead yells at her while he’s off-panel.
Jughead off-panel: Trula! You look a little parched!!
Panel five: Jughead has a super soaker as he unloads on Trula with a stream of water that hits her and makes her take a step back as she drops her book. Archie looks like the Home Alone kid as he can’t believe what Jughead is doing. Jughead has one foot on the door of the car and one foot in the seat as he looks like an action hero…using a water gun.
Jughead: MELT, WITCH, MELT!!!
Panel one: Archie is pulling Jughead back in his seat as he uses one hand to turn the stirring wheel and zooms away. Trula is drenched from head to toe as as she looks over how clothes in an eerie calm manner. Several bystanders look on in confusion.
Archie: What are you doing?! You just made me an assessory to a sudden downpour!!
Panel two: The car is in the distance as Trula stares at it as she as she squeezes the water from her hair. Trula has a slight smile on her face as she seems to be taking the sudden water attack in stride.
Jughead in the car: And let that be a lesson to you about the dominance of the male species over the females…on land or sea!!!
Panel three: Trula seems to be calm as she begins to pick up her book titled: The Art of War,
Trula: I’d be immensely upset if I didn’t find this a prime opportunity to put what I just read into use.
Panel four: Trula is reading a verse from The Art of War as she furrows her eyebrows and smirks evilly as she obviously has evil intentions and a revenge scheme in store for Jughead.
Trula: Chapter 6: “…And therefore those skilled in war bring the enemy to the field of battle and are not brought there by him.”
Trula: That brings a thought to mind…
« on: May 10, 2013, 11:50:17 PM »
Panel one: Archie and Reggie are looking over at the Jones yard from the sidewalk as Jughead is actually working feverously as he is using a push lawnmower to mow the yard. Jughead is mowing over several small toy and the garden hose as he strains to push the lawnmower. Jughead is sweating, but he has a smile on his face, which takes Archie and Reggie by surprise. Both Archie and Reggie have presents prepared. Archie’s is half done and taped up every which way, while Reggie’s is perfect and has wrap paper of himself smiling.
Archie: Wow. The world just got more perplexing.
Reggie: You ain’t kidding, Freckles. Jughead Jones hard at work…
Archie: …With a smile from one enormous ear to the next?
Panel two: Jughead turns the mower off as he goes to Archie and Reggie. Reggie glares at Jughead suspiciously while Archie is far more greeting.
Jughead: Look at you layabouts, don’t you have anything you two can do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?
Archie: Okay, Jug, we give up. What happened to change hardly work to hard at work?
Panel three: Archie has a thought balloon of Jughead doing several jobs. One has him outside a bank dressed like Uncle Sam and doing the Uncle Sam point at someone who jumps back and the other has Jughead as a grocer sleeping on a stack of cans, and the last has Jughead cleaning a store window with cloths in both hands and his teeth as he wipes all at once. Jughead wipes sweat from his brow as he acts indifferent to Reggie pointing his finger insistently at him.
Archie: …I mean, the last few weeks you have taken every job available!
Reggie: Spill, hose nose! What’s your angle?
Panel one: Jughead reaches into his pockets for a wadded up newspaper clip he had ripped out as Archie and Reggie look on.
Archie: C’mon, Jug. No way would you be working your tail off for nothing.
Jughead: Does anyone? But yeah, something caught my little closed eyes…
Panel two: Jughead shows Archie the wadded up newspaper clip as it is a picture of a red and blue soda machine called SODA STORM 3058! Reggie waves off Jughead and begins to leave in disgust.
Archie: A soda maker?
Reggies: Feh. Should have known it would be something stupid--!
Panel three: Jughead turns around and wads the newspaper back into his pocket as Archie walks towards him. Jughead avoids the rake placed on the ground but Archie is coming towards it as he rolls his eyes as Jughead talks.
Jughead: Perish the parched, Archie! Not just a soda maker--The soda maker!
Jughead: The Soda Storm 3058 is capable of making any sodas, fizzies and tonics!
Caption by rake: Hasn’t been put up for two years…!
Panel four: Jughead licks his lips as he thinks about the drinks he’ll soon be making as Archie has stepped on the rake and is falling backwards with his the gift he was holding flying into the air.
Jughead: All the carbonated combinations of sodas I can concoct to wet my whistle will make the aches and blisters I’ve endured worth it--!
Panel five: Jughead catches the gift in the air as Archie is flat on the ground with a rake impression on his face as his eyes are glazed over and he has several stars and planets zooming around his head.
Jughead: Say, what’s this?
Archie: …Fer Mother’s day, I’d go give it to ‘er, but this merry alien guy wants to fly me to the moon…!
Panel one: Jughead is going inside his house as Archie is making like an airplane in the Jones yard, circling his present for his mother, as he is still not quite in our reality just yet. Jughead seems puzzled as he tilts his head.
Jughead: Times flies while you sleep your life away…
Panel two: Jughead peeps into the kitchen to see his father setting up decorations for a party for Mrs. Jones. Mr. Jones is putting up a banner reading MOTHER’S DAY as he is on step ladder tying the banner to a string .as Jellybean is in her high seat looking on and Hot Dog is sitting at the table reading a magazine. A cake with blue icing with writing reading 4 D Best Mom on it is in the middle of the table as the plates and eating utensils are set for a party.
Jughead: Pop, did you know that it was mother’s day?
Mr. Jones: I just noticed it out the corner of my eyes, son.
Panel three: Jughead begins to walk over to the cake as he begins to salivate. Mr. Jones jerks around in alarm as Jellybean turns towards Jughead and Hot Dog’s bristles begin to rise up as he shows his teeth as he slams the magazine on the table.
Jughead: Funny, you throwing a party and not telling me about it…
Panel four: Mr. Jones blocks the path with both arms as Hot Dog is in front of him looking like he might attack as he guards the cake. Jellybean has her fists balled as if she was going to fight Jughead off.
Mr. Jones: It’s not funny when you go over your history involving food and parties!!
Jughead: You eat five birthday cakes in one year, and the trust is scattered to the wind like birthday candle smoke.
Panel five: Mr. Jones asks Jughead what he has for his mom as Jughead holds out his arms to signal a hug.
Mr. Jones: You do have your mother a present, don’t you? She’s only going to be gone for another few hours running errands.
Jughead: I was just now planning on giving her the biggest hug!
Panel one: Mr. Jones shakes his head as Jughead scratches his head as he seems to give in.
Mr. Jones: Hugs stop being a gift when you can walk to the bus stop alone.
Jughead: Overachieved far too much far too soon.
Panel two: Jughead begins to leave the kitchen as reluctantly complies. Mr. Jones holds his hands to his face and sighs.
Jughead: Well, I guess I do have a few extra dollars to spare after I pick up my soda maker. Be back in a few.
Mr. Jones: Take your time! The appreciation for the woman who gave birth to you and loves you unconditionally is crowding out all the oxygen!
Panel three: Jughead is walking along in Riverdale as he is in front of Gem’s Jewels as several pearl necklaces are out on display as Jughead slouches along. On the window is a sign reading: MOTHER DAY SALE (because some of us wish we had a mother to give presents to…)
Jughead: I have given mom the same library book for a gift the last two years, so maybe something permanent would be a nice change of pace.
Panel four: Jughead tilts his body back as he looks at the pearl necklaces. One pearl necklace in the middle with a price tag of 105 dollars catches Jughead’s eyes. The other pearls are different weird colors. A red set has a price tag reading: ARM AND LEG. A blue set of pearls has a price tag of: More than your house.
Jughead: Now, those oyster stones are just the kind of sparkles that women love…
Panel five: Jughead takes out his paper clipping of the soda maker as has his left hand on his chin as he examines the situation.
Jughead: But those overpriced marbles would nearly drain me dry, and I’d go thirsty.
Panel six: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he begins to take a step away.
Jughead: Eh. It’s the thought that counts, and I did think about it.
« on: May 08, 2013, 07:21:43 PM »
I just can't stand Toni Topaz being on the covers. Look, I know the covers don't matter to the stories--but at least the characters on the cover will be IN the stories. I know it shouldn't bother me, but her being on the cover just doesn't seem fair to me.
I know it's not rational and I shouldn't let it bother me but--c'mon, Trula was in two stories last month in Jughead Digest alone while Toni was on about four or five covers!! It just doesn't make sense to me!!
« on: April 25, 2013, 03:10:08 PM »
I'm not a big fan of these two characters--since I think of them as blights--but I was wondering if anyone can maybe make an arguement for whatever good points someone believes that have.
« on: April 25, 2013, 12:51:29 AM »
Panel one: Archie is going under the kitchen cabinet rooting through it as his mother looks on. Mr. Andrews is reading his paper. The headline reads: SHARK RAMPAGES OCEAN, SURFERS DECLARE FIGHT ON. On the table is a duffel bag Archie has for his beach towel, shorts, and other beach accessories as we can see a yellow and red toy shovel sticking out from the bag where it is slightly unzipped.
Mrs. Andrews: Archie! What are you looking for?
Archie: Mom, I’ve finally wised up!
Panel two: Mr. Andrews turns towards and jokes with Archie. Mrs. Andrews is covering her mouth to not laugh out loud. Archie is rolling his eyes at the joke as he continues his search.
Mr. Andrews: Great! Me and your mother can retire early and you can pay for your entire college tuition! That last report card was a false alarm!
Panel three: Archie pulls out a small green and white freezer box as his parents look on baffled. Archie holds the freezer box like it were a trophy he was showing off.
Archie: No! I mean I’m taking this little bad boy along with me when I meet up with Veronica at the beach this afternoon!
Mr. Andrews: That little freezer box--?
Panel one: Archie is going over what happens as behind him an example of Archie having to carefully walk through various people lying on the beach, little kids running right under him as he steps, and getting clonked with a Frisbee to the side of his head.
Archie: You see, Ronnie always asks me to get her ice cream and when I do it’s like I’m running through a war zone with a kick me note on my back!
Panel two: Archie is explaining as he is going the opposite way now as he has his head turned to look at girls while walking on some poor guy’s back and is about to get hit with a football. As he’s walking, the hot sun is blazing and the ice cream is melting in the cone and running down his hand.
Archie: And then I have to cross the battle field all over again in the blazing heat!
Panel three: A shot of Archie explaining as we can see Archie handing Veronica melted ice cream as she sticks her tongue out, closes her eyes, and motions with her hands to get it away from her. Flashback Archie turns his head to the reader sadly as ice cream melts over his hand.
Archie: And by then it’s melted and Ronnie holds it over me the rest of the day--
Panel four: Archie is going into the refrigerator’s freezer and getting ice out of an ice tray as he puts it in the freezer box. Mr. and Mrs. Andrews are leaving the kitchen as they wish Archie the best of luck and whisper to one another. Inside of the freezer we see a box of Cosmo’s Merry Strawberry Galactic Ice Cream and a piece of wedding cake with a note reading: Sentimental value: DO NOT EAT JUGHEAD!!!
Archie: --But by gum, that’s not happening today!
Mrs. Andrews: Like a wise woman once said: As long as it works, it’s a brilliant idea!
Mr. Andrews: … what wise woman?...
Mrs. Andrews: …My mother when I told her about me accepting your marriage proposal…
Panel one: Archie is at the kitchen table with the open freezer box, showing it only has a few ice cubes inside. Archie is just finished with a two scoop strawberry cone and is beginning to place it inside of the freezer box. The freezer door has been left wide open as it lets out cold air and the refrigerator begins to frost over.
Archie: What could go wrong?!
Panel two: Archie looks down, restlessly into the freezer box with the ice cream cone and about five pieces of ice inside.
Archie: Actually, I could hedge my bet a bit, play it smart…
Panel three: Archie is bending an ice tray of ice cubes over the freezer box as an abundant amount go into the freezer box, overflowing and spilling over the table. Archie has as smile ear to ear and has his eyes closed as is proud of himself.
Archie: I’ll just put in a few more!
Archie: The colder the ice cream, the happier Veronica will be!!
Panel four: Archie, pushing down with both hands and leaning his body forward, is barely getting the over flowing freezer box shut. Several pieces of ice crush around the closed freezer box, forming mini snowflakes in the air.
Archie: Okay, almost…going to get ya…!
Archie: Hah! Now I’m all set--!
Panel five: Archie is holding the freezer box up proudly like he was King Arthur brandishing Excalibur to the masses. Archie has duffle bag of beach gear under his left arm. Behind Archie, the freezer door is still open and now the surrounding area, the refrigerator and what else that is close by, is now covered with snow and icicles while everything else in the kitchen seems fine, save for melting ice cubes on the floor.
Archie: Hah! No beach blanket misadventures this trip! Just me and Ronnie having a great spring day at the beach!
Archie: I haven’t overlooked a thing--!
« on: April 22, 2013, 01:21:49 AM »
Hey, who saved up enough K-Mart reward points and only had to pay fifty cents for the latest Jughead Double Digest? If you can’t figure that out, stop reading right now.
1. Trula Twyst. We get two stories involving the amateur psychologist and her battle of wits and brains with our favorite long nosed glutton. The first one involves Jughead ending up in Trula’s kitchen thanks to his feet’s GPS being thrown off after the move (Hey, remember when Jughead moved a few blocks down from his original house?) The next involves Trula asking Jughead to take her to the school dance and what you expect happens in an unexpected set of events.
2. Jellybean. Jellybean gets involved in two really funny, cute stories. The first Jellybean is beginning the transition from crawling to walking and Mrs. Jones is an overprotective mom with a catalogue for babyproof supplies. The next involves Jughead telling Jellybean various fairytales, but his appetite and imagination make it impossible to keep on story. BABYPROOFED is well written by Golliher and, I have to say, I prefer how Dan Parent used to draw Jughead. Ruiz does a great job with his fairy tale story and very inventive. Judging by Jon’s blog, he’d probably appreciate the creativity. (Go visit JonInIowa’s blog. It’s well written and his opinions are worth your time. Seriously, if you’re reading this review, you and I both know you can obviously afford it.
3. Jughead vs. Reggie. Just a few great stories involving Jughead and Reggie in their eternal—and mainly one sided—battle of wits and tricks. We get classics where Jughead just torments Reggie with his one liners, to more modern stories where Reggie challenges Jughead to learn ventriloquism in three weeks like he did. You know how it’s going to end, but Reggie is such a great jerk that when he’s just tormenting Archie for being a klutz you can’t help but smirk when a mop “accidently” slaps him across the face.
4. Pop Tate is not for sale. Pop Tate has just learned that Pop’s has been trademarked and a major food franchise is preparing to come at him. Just a great story where we see how important quality is to both Pop Tate and Jughead. Plus a few more Pop Tate stories involving a Voodoo Doll and shrinking profit margins after hiring a certain someone.
5. One and half page stories. Normally, I don’t comment, but we get a few good ones. Jughead trying to solve a Rubik Cube and deciding that the Gordian Knot solution is the best resort. Another involves Ethel walking into the room and Jughead turning off the lights: Ethel thinks romantic; Jughead thinks more along the lines of not seeing her. And mistaking a paused baseball game for being suspenseful. And “Jughead would you run—er, walk an errand for me?”
6. What Were You Thinking? A great story in nearly every way possible by Kupperberg, Goldberg, Milgrom (my favorite inker…and yes I have a favorite inker!), and Grossman. Jughead has just read a book about mind reading and, after proving his skills, reveals that our favorite high school principal will be “retiring”. The story in incredibly creative and we get to see a good deal of the cast and how the react to Jughead, each other, and th news about Mr. Weatherbee possibly leaving them. Al Milgrom does a great job inking and covering up Goldberg’s current weakness (everyone’s head looks squishy for to me) and Grossman rocks the colors. I only have one complaint…Jughead has his eyes open way too much. That’s more a personal pet peeve of mine, and even I’m willing to overlook it when everything else clicks like it has with this story. Great lead story.
1. That Wilkin Boy. Wow, we got two stinkers this month. One involves Teddy trying to trick Bingo into breaking priceless Smythe heirlooms and asking a girl to kiss/sexually assault Bingo to break him and Samantha up. Now, I know that reads good, but the stories stink. They’re just not funny. That’s the main problem with Bingo Wilkin, he’s clumsy and he likes girls—why should I read this when I could read about Archie again type mentality I just can’t get past. To me, the best stories involve Willie and Sampson just laying into each other with retorts and threats.
2. No Ethel. She’s in one story, but could be anyone else in her place and she got made fun of a bit in a half pager. So if you’re a Ethel fan, you’ll be disappointed this issue.
3. Other stuff. Not too much bad. The art for the most part is good and the only complaint in that regard is Crane and even then I’ve seen much worse from him. The writing is great. Heck, I even liked the Little Jughead stories this month and I normally ignore them.
GRADE: Wow. If it weren’t for two horrible That Wilkin Boy stories, I probably would have given an A (and to me everything has to be nearly perfect for that score). The writing and art are great. Honestly, Jughead Double Digest is probably the safest bet digest you can buy and expect to be entertained since you have the long, continuous works of Craig Boldman, Rex Lindsey, and Samm Schwartz always going to be featured significantly. A solid B+.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED.
1. From Jughead’s house to Trula Twyst’s kitchen is exactly three blocks south, one block west, two doors down.
2. When the best a news crew can do is a story on a lazy kid channel surfing, it’s a very slow news week.
3. That there is a TV Producer in Riverdale that could pass for Pop Tates’s long lost twin brother!
4. Childproofing a home makes it less safe for nearly everyone else.
5. Hamburger soda = next top beverage flavor
6. You read a book, you can do everything: from mind reading to professional ventriloquism
7. NEVER SAY POP TATE SERVES BLAND BURGERS!
8. Riverdale Stadium has been renamed Poopsie Cola Stadium.
9. 400 dollars a month to put advertising on your car and drive around town? Let me think on—HECK YEAH!!
10. How to get out of a massive tab? Voodoo Doll.
« on: April 19, 2013, 12:07:09 AM »
PTF Reviews Archie and Friends #26
1. Reggie. If you like Reggie you’re in for a treat. One story involves Reggie actually recycling all of the awards he’s gathered into different things like spoons, hat racsk, ect and another shows that while Reggie may not be the kind of guy you can’t stand for more than a few minutes at a time; he is still a human being who will do the right thing—but don’t mention it to him.
2. Explorers of the Unknown. Sigh. I wish that this one book could have survived longer than it did. It’s fun seeing the gang as grown up action heroes just going from place to place and dealing with villains that would make a Disney cartoon shake it’s head. This one isn’t my favorite as the ending is rushed and—nothing against F/X (Chuck) Clayton, but the cast is pretty stacked as it is. But you had a tons of great character moments (Wheels messing up Angel’s hair, Squint deciding to wait until after he’s been fed to escape with the rest, ect). The art is great as usual, something this digest issue lacks (I’ll get to it later…duh duh doooommm)
3 Moose. Really fun story with Midge not being able to go to the school dance with Moose. She encourages and prods Moose to attend the dance with another girl—which he is very reluctant to—and when she learns she can actually make it—well, we see that apparently going to the dance and having FUN at the dance are two different things. It’s kind of nice to have a story that doesn’t play on Moose being stupid and focuses on his good nature and loyalty to his girlfriend. Plus seeing Midge jealous is fun as she’s usually just there to give Reggie an opportunity to commit suicide.
4. Dilton. Dilton gets two good stories. One with twin space girls and another where Dilton is trying to learn from Betty and Veronica how to be on a successful date. Great, funny endings to both.
Gladir. If you like his writing you’re in for a treat. Admittingly some of his stories fall flat, but you have several good ones. Like Archie wondering why anyone would like a nerd like the comic book character “Arnie” and why girls don’t read superhero comics.
Cricket. Wow. Been awhile since I’ve seen this character. A good lead story (and just story where Cricket is predicting that Archie will soon be rich and Mr. Lodge will be penniless. Really inventive story by Boldman.
The New Archies. Can I just write “no duh” and move on the next time I review an Archie and Friends with reprints of The New Archies? The second story “Picture Perfect” is the worst as the art just stinks. It’s horrible. Either the art teacher is a midget, or she’s the same height as the kids. Plus…you do “Reggie messes up Archie’s drawing and it still looks good” story…and you don’t even show us what it looks like? UGH
The art. I’m going to be honest. This is some of the worst collection of art I’ve seen in a digest in a long time. I mean, you have Goldberg in the first story and…I won’t say anything bad about him because I can’t even do 1/4th of what he can do…but some of this other stuff I’ve seen is the pits! At least Goldberg understood the height of each character! Bigley is horrible in his story based on the Power Puff Girls. I’m just grateful it was a parody story because his PPG parts, while bad, was better than when he drew the standard characters. Scarpelli phoned in the story I just mentioned, and worst…you know what. It gets its own mention.
Archie in “Flick Pick.” The art in this story may be the worst I have ever seen. I mean, Butler is just horrible in this story. I try to be nice because I respect their job and the time and effort put in to putting out the best product possible…but I can’t overlook this. You have characters changing height constantly, characters being taller than large objects like trees, hair styles changing, and the characters just look horrible!! I’ll give a great example, just pick up this issue, find “Flick Pick” and look at Moose Page 3, panel four. I cannot find any defense in this art. I thought the story where Jughead lied to people about World Hunger just so he can pay his tab at Pop Tate’s was the story that made me the angriest (Heck, I even wrote a fan-fic to counteract my anger) but this story nearly tops it because I am an extremely cheap person and me paying one red cent for art like this just makes my blood boil.
There are a few good stories, but nothing great, certainly nothing that can overcome the art in this issue. I’ll give it a C-, but I wouldn’t recommend buying it unless you want to try and have all the EotU stories and needed this issue for it.
What I learned.
1. No wonder Superman is always a jerk to Lois Lane on the old DC comic covers. Sorry Nancy that superpowered Chuck was busy saving lives to no hear you complain!
2. Mr. Lodge needs to do a better job interviewing new employees.
3. Betty’s poems are much better than her diary.
4. If you drop a winning lottery ticket and promise to remember me after I pick it up and give it back to you—YOU HAD BETTER REMEMBER ME!!
5. It’s okay for a guy to be with another girl, as long as he is utterly miserable.
6. Every guy in Riverdale should go to Betty and Veronica to learn how to do great on a date.
7. Riverdale has a Raceway.
8. Trophies can be recycled into anything; even spoons!
9. Chuck should be glad that publisher didn’t pick up his comic, Cartoon Network would have sued
10. Always look through a digest at the checkout. Butler’s rendition of Moose alone would have made me toss this sucker back and pick up the Jughead digest!!!
« on: April 16, 2013, 11:36:21 PM »
Just so you know, I kind of did a bit of a reboot that I thought would make more sense for some characters if the stories were published today. Nothing real major.
Panel one: Samantha Smythe is in her room as she is sitting on her bed as she is placing a four leaf clover in a scrap book containing several other pages of four leaf clovers that she has kept over the years. Next to her on the bed is several more scrap books with green for leaf clover stickers on them to show she’s been collecting them since she was a kid. Samantha’s room looks surprisingly boyish with various sport team posters and fatheads on the wall. A picture of Bingo is on the dresser next to her bed. Peering from the door is Sampson and Sheila Smythe. Sampson looks the same, but Mrs. Smythe is much taller ( 5’11) , more fit, and has longer brunette hair and is wearing more traditional clothes.
Mrs. Smythe: Look at that scrap book collection of hers. I’m surprised she isn’t hiding a leprechaun in her room!
Sampson: Feh! Better than her ever hiding—THAT WILKINS BOY!
Panel two: The two parents are walking away as they walk down a hall. Along the wall are various wrestling championship belts and fashion magazine covers with a younger Mrs. Smythe on them.
Mrs. Smythe: “Wilkin” no “S”.
Sampson: Sheila, baby, I’m tellin’ ya that that Bingo is no good for our princess!
Sampson: Just thinking about that dull brained twerp makes me want to punch a hole in a wall!
Panel three: Sampson and Sheila stop in place as Sheila playfully points out a wall where a picture of a younger Sampson, with long blond hair and a red and yellow tank top, is holding a two year old Samantha in a blue dress with her hair in pig tails. Sampson is blushing slightly as he rolls his eyes away and sticks his hands in his pockets as he fails to act above suspicion.
Sheila: I take it this is where you come to think.
Sampson: Well—sometimes I think a little too hard...
Panel one: Sheila and Sampson are walking into the living room. Sheila is a few steps ahead as Sampson is following as he stomps his feet and shakes a fist in the air. Sheila doesn’t seem to notice or this is probably jus typical Sampson to her.
Sheila: Oh, Sampson, they’re in love. It’s been like that since we first moved to this house.
Sampson: There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret having to share a fence with Wee Willy Winkin and his brood!
Panel two: Sampson acts like his stomping on a human being as Sheila looks on wide-eyed.
Sampson: If I ever get my twenty-eight pythons on that real estate agent—
Panel three: Samantha is yelling off-panel as Sampson looks up like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sheila smiles as she puts a hand over her mouth and yells back.
Samantha off-panel: DADDY!! YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING TO LEG DROP BINGO AGAIN, ARE YOU!!?
Sheila: No dear! He’s just pretending to assault that nice old man who found this lovely house for us to live in!!
Panel four: Sampson begins to pout as he slumps over and twists his face to his right. Sheila begins to point out the window as she becomes stern with Sampson.
Sampson: Honey Bunny, sometimes you make it sound like I’m some kind of an oaf.
Sheila: I’m sorry, but sometimes you just act like one!
Sheila: Just look out there…!
Panel five: Sampson begrudgingly looks out the window as Bingo with his arms folded behind his head, is walking along without a care in the world.
Sheila: Bingo is a well mannered, decent young man.
Sampson: That’s just it. He’s “decent”. My little girl deserves someone great! A prince! A future president! The next MMA summer camp sensation!
Panel one: Sheila has her hands at her hip as Sampson has turned away and is acting stubborn as he folds his arms at his chest and sticks his nose up in the air.
Sheila: You act like our girl has hit rock bottom.
Sampson: Rock bottom is at least solid footing! With the Bingo Wilkin, it’s more like doing toe touches in quicksand!
Panel two: Sheila is trying to reason with Sampson as he has a bulging bicep with a light bulb tattoo over his head as he has thought of something that has him optimistic.
Sheila: I mean, how can you judge Bingo when you absolutely refuse to even acknowledge his good qualities?
Panel three: Sampson turns around with a giant smile on his face as he seems inspired and has a plan to break-up Bingo and Samantha. Sheila eyes go wide and see exhauls as she knows what she implied is being inferred to Sampson’s specifications.
Sampson: That’s it!
Sampson: If I actually spent a few hours with that slacker, that would be all the proof Samantha needs when I tell her Bingo has no good qualities to him and she’s better off letting me decide the rest of her life!
Panel four: Sampson gives Sheila a giant hug that looks like it is crushing her as he doesn’t seem to notice as he has his eyes closed and just too happy with his plan to notice.
Sampson: Sheila! You’re the greatest! You’re the brains and heart that guide this old mass of muscles you married!
Panel five: Sampson is running out of his house as Sheila is stretching her back trying to work out the aches she has as shown by bruised red pain stars.
Sheila: Honestly, I’d trade it all in for stronger back bone--!
Panel one: Bingo is walking along like before when he turns his head to see Sampson rushing up towards him with a fake smile on his face.
Sampson: Hey Sla—er, Bingo! Wait up a second.
Bingo: Uh-oh. The last time I saw him smile like that was right after dad fell through the roof…!
Panel two: Bingo has his arms down at his side as Sampson talks with him. Bingo is pointing at Sampson as he reminds him of their last “talk”.
Sampson: I just got to thinking that you’re dating my daughter and we’ve never had a man to man talk.
Bingo: Yesterday you called me a little girl.
Panel three: Sampson places an arm around Bingo as he begins to guide him along. Bingo rolls his eyes up at Sampson as he is wondering what is going on.
Sampson: Well, we’ll just continue where we left off and see where that takes us!
Bingo: Hopefully to place with lots of witnesses….
Panel four: Sampson is talking with Bingo as Bingo begins to think of a response. The two are crossing a street to the Midville Park. In front of the park is a sign that reads: MIDVILLE PARK (ironically more to the left than center). A line of ducks is crossing the street just beside Bingo and Sampson. At the end of the duck line is a tortoise holding up a banner reading: Second cousin, twice removed.
Sampson: Tell me, Bingo, have you put any thought into the future?
Bingo: The future….
Panel five: Bingo shrugs his shoulders as he begins to eye a clover patch as they have now entered the park. Sampson looks like he just wants to punch Bingo because of his response. Behind the two is a walking trail where several people are jogging.
Bingo: I honestly don’t put much thought into anything…!
Sampson: Surprise, surprise—
Panel one: Sampson is ranting and waving his arms around as several people jogging by look on. Two joggers heading the opposite way of each other, and focusing on Sampson griping and going on, are fast approaching each other for a collision. Bingo turns his head towards the clover patch.
Sampson: Well, you had better put thought into it! Why when I was your age I already had my life planned out!
Panel two: Bingo is stooping down as he is looking through the clover patch. Sampson closes his eyes as he thinks back with a slight shrug as he seems at least content with the way his life turned out. The two joggers are lying unconscious on the jogging trail as two female joggers go over to check on them.
Bingo: How’d it turn out?
Sampson: Well, I did marry a model, headlined several Wrestlezanias…never had a son, but Samantha is the star athlete on the high school football team and can belch the alphabet in...
Panel three: Sampson looks down to notice that Bingo is hunched over as he is not paying Sampson any attention as he continues to carefully search through the clover patch. Sampson is not amused to say the least.
Panel four: Sampson kicks Bingo right on his butt and sends him head over heels as Bingo manages to find a four leaf clover as he lands on his back.
Sampson: DON’T ASK ME A QUESTION AND NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE ANSWER!!
Panel five: Bingo holds his arm up to show off the four leaf clover to the world as Sampson scratches his head.
Bingo: Found one!
Sampson: A four leaf clover…?
Panel one: Sampson waves him off in disgust as he looks like he’s just tired of Bingo and wants to leave.
Sampson: Bah! Why bother trying to talk to a boy about becoming a man when he’s playing baby games?!
Panel two: Sampson stops as he seems perplexed by Bingo as Bingo begins to sit up.
Bingo: It’s not for me. It’s for Samantha.
Panel three: Sampson listens on as he thinks back to Samantha and her large collection of four leaf clovers that she has collected over the years. Sampson is realizing that Bingo has spent years and lots of time finding them for her since they were kids.
Bingo: Yeah. Samantha never could find any when we were little, so I’d always try and find her one when I could. I guess it just stuck over time and is just our thing.
Panel three: A shot from over Bingo’s shoulder as Sampson walks away seemingly in disgust as Bingo is beginning to stand up.
Sampson: You just keep hunting them then! Maybe one will actually be lucky, and Samantha will find a real man someday!!
Panel four: A shot from over Sampson’s shoulder as we can see that he has a small, sincere smile on his face that he doesn’t want Bingo to see. Bingo is scratching his head as he looks at Sampson confused. On the running trail the two male joggers are now jogging with the female joggers. The male joggers now have bandages over their heads and small hearts floating above them.
Bingo: Sigh. I guess there’s nothing a guy can do to impress a guy with a slab of concrete for a heart…!
Sampson thinking: Well, there are a few cracks to let things out and in, but I’ll never tell-- That WILKIN BOY!
« on: March 21, 2013, 01:57:05 AM »
Panel one: Setting is outside of a suburban street as Jughead merrily walks away from an ice cream truck with a twenty scoop cone of various colors and flavors. At the ice cream truck the ice cream bender looks like he is about to faint as a line of kids all motion like they want to have a massive cone that Jughead just got.
Jughead: There’s no better way to enjoy a spring day than a few scoops of ice cream!
Panel two: Jughead begins to eye his massive ice cream cone as he begins to ponder about the fulfilling quantity as Archie runs up to Jughead from behind. Archie looks like he’s just seen a miracle as he races towards Jughead. Beside Jughead are several dogs with their tongues sticking out as the look up at the ice cream.
Jughead: Mayhaps too few…not quite the summit I first thought…
Panel three: Archie grabs Jughead by his shirt collar and jerks him back as Jughead drops the ice cream cone as the ice cream scoops begin to fall to the street.
Archie: I gotta show someone!!
Panel four: Archie is dragging Jughead by means of the back of his shirt as Jughead turns and glares at Archie. The dogs are now licking up the ice cream on the street. One dog has put on a bib and placed his ice cream on a plate as he begins to lick it. Several kids have their twenty scoop cones and are having a brain headache. One kid with glasses has the frames of his glasses frosting over with icicles.
Archie: Jughead!! You won’t believe what I just saw!!
Jughead: Was it my new best friend!?
Panel one: Archie is dashing along a street as Jughead is following him, using his right hand to keep his hat on head as he races after Archie. Along the street, kids are playing hop scotch as one kid is in a difficult pattern with various three, four, and one five square lane that has him confused what to do next.
Jughead: So what is it? Leprechaun washing a Volkswagen? Unicorn pole vaulting to the moon? Veronica buying the cheapest apparel on the market?
Archie: Even rarer--!!
Panel one: Archie and Jughead stop just in front of a driveway as Archie points ahead like his pointing at the reader. Jughead begins to scratch his head in confusion.
Archie: Take a gander!
Jughead: Sure. One goose is as good as the next…
Panel three: A shot over the shoulders of Jughead and Archie as they look on in astonishment as Gregory “The Glutton” Gorgey (Extremely big, dirty hair, greasy food splattered shirt two sizes too small) is talking with an elderly woman. The Glutton has a red wagon that has several stacks of canned food placed on it. The Glutton has a knapsack over his shoulder that looks to be filled with coins and dollar bills. The elderly woman is handing the Glutton several cans of Samm Spamm (cans with a picture of Samm on it) as The Glutton happily accepts them with both arms.
The Glutton: That’s right! I want to do my part to end world hunger!! And every can and bit of change helps out the starving and poor!
Elderly Woman: Why, you’re a sweet young man!
Jughead: It—It can’t be--!
Jughead: Gregory “The Glutton” Gorgey…not eating and planning on giving food to the less wide and less weighty?!
Panel one: Jughead looks over at the reader as he begins to break the fourth wall. Someone off panel is handing him an academic professor robe and hat as he reaches back for them.
Jughead: Okay, for those of you wondering just exactly who that mass of flab is, let me interrupt our story for a bit of exposition.
Panel two: Jughead, wearing the professor hat and gown, is motioning towards a giant picture of The Glutton in the Riverdale Cafeteria as he is leaning over Veronica and Betty and eating out of their plates with both hands as both girls are both startled and disgusted. Students nearby shield their food from The Glutton to avoid the same fate.
Jughead: This is Gregory “The Glutton” Gorgey. As his nickname indicates, he pretty much eats and eats… and never washes his hands after using the bathroom.
Panel three: Professor Jughead is in front of another picture as it shows Jughead with various pie, hot dog, and burger eating trophies as The Glutton looks on enviously and has put some of his shirt in his mouth to bite on in rage.
Professor Jughead: You’d think we’d be friends, but me always winning eating contests (24 streak going strong) only made him jealous and angry with little ol’ me.
Panel four: Professor Jughead glares over at a picture of where The Glutton stole candy from Jellybean in the park.
Professor Jughead: …And then he did this!
Professor Jughead: An eviler deed has never been written based on an Archie product since R/C Racers!
Panel five: Professor Jughead is back to scene where we left off as he makes an X signal with his arms. Archie is still frozen in place.
Professor Jughead: Don’t bother doing a web search as he is strictly a fan fic original, so this story matters even less than you thought…
Professor Jughead: But hey, I currently don’t have my own comics, and a dime’s a dime.
Panel six: Jughead is getting back in place as he pulls of the robe and hat and drops it behind him. Under the Professor cap is Jughead signature hat still on his head.
Jughead: Just between you and me, I’m just grateful this isn’t ANOTHER Trula Twyst story!
Panel one: The Glutton is wheeling his wagon of canned food and various other cookie and candy treats towards Archie and Jughead. He adjusts the knapsack on his right shoulder. Archie is inquisitive as he begins to ask The Glutton what he is doing. Jughead is taking a step back as he taps the bottom of his lip with his right index finger as he accesses the situation. The robe and hat are still on the ground.
Archie: Greg…um, what are you doing?
The Glutton: What does it look like, Freckles?! I’m doing my part to end world hunger!!
Panel two: The Glutton motions with his arms as Archie listens on. Jughead glares at the Glutton as he is not being taken in by The Glutton.
Archie: What brought about this change of dinner plates?
Glutton: Why, I was eating all I could eat at Segarini’s and I saw some poor poor little children who couldn’t afford a nibble looking in from the windows…
Panel three: The Glutton pounds on his chest to indicate how he was moved. This causes The Glutton’s stomach to wobble. Jughead looks behind him on the ground to see the robe and hat still there.
The Glutton: …And it got to the Master of Crunch, The Baron of Brunch, the Master of Munch—right about here!
Panel four: The Glutton motions over to his wagon filled with food products as Archie listens on. Jughead is busy kicking the discarded professor garb off panel.
The Glutton: I want to make a difference! So I decided to go around and collect as much food as I can to give to those with less of a belt size!
Panel five: The Glutton holds out his hand and pats the knapsack full of cash with his other hand as he motions for Archie to donate. Archie begins to think it over as he seems enthused by The Glutton’s noble cause.
The Glutton: And I’m also taking donations of the old fashion green paper bill and round metal type, too.
Panel six: Jughead shakes his head in disappointment as Archie happily hand over all the money in his wallet to The Glutton, who accepts it with an evil smirk.
Archie: Hey, if I can help some people out even for a few minutes, it’s worth a week’s chore money!
The Glutton: Right, Right—say, don’t you have friends you can go and tell this about? Have ‘em join in and contribute too?
« on: March 08, 2013, 08:34:09 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Jones Family living room. Jughead is resting on the sofa as he has a big of chips on his chest, an empty soda can at his left face cheek, and his hat down a this eyes. Mr. Jones is walking into the living room with the Riverdale Gazette in his hands. The front title reads: KANGAROO SAVES BUNNY FROM EVIL DOLPHIN! Jughead motions like he is typing on a keyboard to help with his reply.
Mr. Jones: Jughead, did you write your grandfather a letter to thank him for the birthday money he sent you?
Jughead: Yeah, I sent him an e-mail.
Panel two: Mr. Jones is waving his arms in the air in frustration as Jughead begins to sit up as he prepares to hear his father rant. The newspaper scatters everywhere. One page has an article with the headline: BREAKING NEWS: DOLPHIN ESCAPES! VOWS REVENGE ON ALL THAT HOPS!
Mr. Jones: Your generation!! Always doing things the easy way!!
Jughead: You know what they say: “work smarter, not harder”.
Panel three: Mr. Jones is pointing at Jughead as Jughead begins to slouch in the sofa.
Mr. Jones: It’s not harder to write on your computer and send it electronically.
Jughead: If you’re smart enough, you can avoid hard work.
Panel one: Jughead is motioning with his hand like someone is walking and with his other hand holding an invisible letter at his two fingers. Mr. Jones actually sees a point in what Jughead is saying as he rubs the right of his mustache as he listens to Jughead.
Jughead: Besides, what you wanted me to do was put a forty-six cent stamp on a ten cent envelope and have the mailman do all the legwork for me.
Jughead: How is that any better?
Mr. Jones: You do make a valid point…
Panel two: Mr. Jones goes to the door and begins to take his coat, floppy winter hat, and green scarf off the coat rack and puts them on as he motions for Jughead to follow him. Also on the coat rack is another coat, purple winter hat, giant earmuffs, and a yellow and black scarf. We can see outside a nearby window to see that Riverdale has had some snow with yards all white, but the roads are clear as a herd of snow ploys clears the way.
Mr. Jones: I know! We’ll just do what we did back in my day! We’ll just go over to Grandpa Jones, and you can thank him in person!
Jughead: In your day you lived in the same house, not across town.
Panel three: Mr. Jones throws Jughead’s winter cap, yellow and black scarf, earmuffs, and coat at him as Jughead sighs in skepticism.
Mr. Jones: Don’t think like that! I’m talking walking! Leg power! That’s all we had back in the day!
Jughead: No, you had transportation capabilities back then, too.
Panel four: Jughead has his winter clothing on as his father pushes him along as Jughead drags his heels in vain.
Mr. Jones: Hey, if I can go to school in blizzards and fight off polar bears, you can handle a walk across town with your old man!
Panel five: Jughead complains as he begrudgingly follows his dad along the snowcovered sidewalk. Mr. Jones looks back and snips back at Jughead. The snow plows on the road have stopped as someone has set up a snowman to stand in the way with his branch arm stretched out as the snow plow drivers actually seem to acknowledge the snow man’s bravery.
Jughead: My ears are cold and feet hurt! I hope a polar bear eats me!
Mr. Jones: With that attitude it will!
Panel one: Mr. Jones stretches his arms into the air as he takes in the cold winter wind as his breath is visible in the winter climate.
Mr. Jones: Just take in that air and let it out, son. Feels like ice cream going down your throat and coming back up as hot coco!
Panel two: Mr. Jones begins to turn around as he wonders why Jughead has not replied to his comment.
Mr. Jones: Jughead, are you listening?
Panel three: Mr. Jones turns around with a scowl on his face to see Jughead not paying any attention to him as he is texting on his cellphone. Behind Jughead is a boy with his dog. The boy has a cone as he begins to scoop up snow for a snow cone. The dog tilts its head worriedly.
Jughead: Yep, uh-huh. The world wasn’t flat, just not inflated, gotcha…
Panel four: Mr. Jones looks over at the cellphone to see what Jughead has been writing. On the screen is ZOMG HMP WOT OM!! ISH!!!
Panel five: Mr. Jones points at the cellphone as Jughead shrugs his shoulders. The boy and his dog are walking past the Jones men. The boy looks puzzled at the lime flavored snow cone in his hand while his dog whistles innocently.
Mr. Jones: If I knew how to decipher this, I’m sure I’d be even more upset with you right now!!
Panel one: Mr. Jones and Jughead are on top of a hill as the look down below at all the houses and buildings that are covered in snow and all the winter decorations of snowmen set out on the sidewalks and yards of Riverdale. One group of snowmen is wearing blue shirts and seems to be opposed to another group of snow men wearing red shirts. A confused snowman wearing a purple shirt is in between them.
Mr. Jones: Look at that. Our quant little town covered in a majestic mantle of white snow.
Panel two: Jughead is talking as Mr. Jones raises an eyebrow in puzzlement at Jughead’s statement.
Jughead: Yep. The females overachieved when they created snow.
Panel three: Mr. Jones asks for clarification as Jughead fakes being cold as he claps his hands on his shoulders and gives comical shivers.
Mr. Jones: Where would you get the idea that women created snow?
Jughead: Only a woman could make something so cold!
Panel four: Mr. Jones and Jughead begin to laugh hysterically.
Jughead: HAA HAA HAA
Mr. Jones: AAAHHHHAA!! That’s---snicker snort---That’s a good one--!!
Panel five: Mr. Jones eyes suddenly light up in alarm as he stops laughing immediately.
Panel six: Mr. Jones is talking with Jughead as Jughead raises a hand up like he is making a pledge.
Mr. Jones: Never tell your mother I laughed at that joke.
Panel one: Jughead and Mr. Jones are at Grandpa Jones house. It’s a typical house covered in snow and the pathway clear. A mailbox reads: ELDER JONES on it. Grandpa Jones looks like Jughead only much older, wearing his pants up to his sternum, grizzled white hair, and a white mustache like Mr. Jones. Grandpa Jones is wearing a red scarf and white buttoned shirt as he opens the door to greet his relations. Behind Jughead and Mr. Jones a kangaroo, with a bunny in its pouch, is hopping away from a dolphin with a scar of its right eye chasing after them on a pogo stick with a large snowshoe tied to the end.
Grandpa Jones: If it isn’t my descendents approaching ahead! What brings you two over?
Jughead: You never bonded with dad, and he’s overcompensating with me.
Panel two: Both are at the door as Mr. Jones looks over and scowls at Jughead who innocently looks away to avoid the glare. Grandpa Jones scratches his chin as he listens on. In the background the evil dolphin has fallen off the pogo stick as the kangaroo and the bunny wave both arms in the air in triumph over it. The Evil Dolphin waves a fin, declaring vengeance.
Mr. Jones: What my son is trying so say—
Mr. Jones: I just wanted to show Jughead that the old ways are the best. Like how unsociable an e-mail is over a letter or just seeing the person themselves.
Panel three: Grandpa Jones waves his arms excitingly in the air catching Mr. Jones off guard. Jughead looks at the reader in an “I told you so” look as he soaks in the conversation.
Grandpa Jones: What in the world are you talking about, Sonny?!
Grandpa Jones: Technology is great! I loved that e-mail Jughead sent earlier today! It had a picture of him smiling! And a funny video to a UView show attached!
Panel four: Grandpa Jones grabs Mr. Jones by his shirt collar and begins to pull him inside as Jughead seems happy to get out of the cold.
Grandpa Jones: In fact! I’m just now starting my own UView video! Working on it right now! You two can help!
Mr. Jones: Well, dad, I don’t—
Jughead: Sure. Being on an internet video is on par with celebrities reduced to reality TV!
Panel one: A video feed of Grandpa Jones as he has set up an old table cloth with various holes and patches as the background. Grandpa Jones and Jughead are in front of a folded up table with two pies on it.
Grandpa Jones: This is Grandpa Jones, and I want to tell you all about the great art of pie eating. I come from a long, long, long line of pie eating contests—which continues today.
Panel two: Still a video feed like feel. Grandpa Jones motions at Jughead as Jughead pops his collar like he is a big shot as he smiles from ear to ear.
Grandpa Jones: This is my grandson, Jughead. The boy has never lost a pie eating contest and he has agreed to help me show you all the Jones Family Bite and Gulp technique.
Panel three: Mr. Jones is at Grandpa Jones computer table as an eye camera is pointed at Grandpa Jones and Jughead as they begin to dive into their pies as they splatter apple and blueberry sauce everywhere on the table and in the room. Mr. Jones looks on with disgust at his dad and son.
Jughead: First—munch sniff munch sniff—take in a deep breathe and inhale and exhale through your nose. This allows your mouth to focus only on eating!!
Grandpa: And—chomp chomp--take tiny but swift bites! The more foods chewed up, the more pie in your stomach!!
Mr. Jones: Sigh. The wonders of technology in the hands of the one track mind…
« on: February 22, 2013, 09:54:38 AM »
Panel one: Mrs. Jones is walking into the living room holding up a cordless phone as Jughead, Mr. Jones, and Hot Dog are both sitting upright on the sofa as they are watching TV. Jughead and Hot Dog are sharing a bowl of chips as both their mouths are covered in crumbs. Mr. Jones reacts harshly to the news of the phone call as he slouches and crosses his arms in the sofa. On the TV is a Mega Man cartoon. Jellybean is on the ground with her mouth open as she points inside of it.
Mrs. Jones: Hon, it’s Rob Hamhock again!
Mr. Jones: Bah! When will that bloated blimp stop blowing his hot air in my direction!? Tell him, if I didn’t take his call the last five days, not to waste the rest of the week!!
Panel two: Mrs. Jones walks away as she talks on the phone. Mr. Jones looks over at Jughead as Jughead turns his head inquisitively to his father. Hot Dog flips a chip into Jellybean’s open mouth.
Mrs. Jones: Yeas, now’s not a good time--
Jughead: Pops, who’s this Rob Hamhock who’s got your spit polish boiling over the last few days?
Panel three: Mr. Jones turns to Jughead as he seems perplexed that Jughead doesn’t now who Rob Hamhock is. Jughead turns back to the TV as has stopped paying attention to his father. Jellybean is reaching up for the bowl of chips as Hot Dog notices at the last second. On the TV screen is Mega Man fighting Cut Man.
Mr. Jones: Son, I know I’ve told you about Rob Hamhock t million times over. How can you not--?
Jughead: Yep. Uh-huh. Fascinating. I didn’t know that. What’s that? Super. Glad to know…
Panel one: Mr. Jones grabs Jughead by his shirt collar and pulls him up as he begins to walk away from the couch with a reluctant Jughead in tow. Hot Dog and Jellybean are having a tug of war for the bowl of chips and Jellybean is surprisingly winning as Hot Dog is on his hind legs and is using his left front paw to grab onto the coach for extra leverage as he continues to lose.
Mr. Jones: Come with me! I want to show you something!
Jughead: There’s something on TV! Different channels of something!
Panel two: We are in Mr. Jones’ house office as he pulls up a seat at his desk and makes Jughead sit in front of a computer on his desk. On the work desk is various folders and paper piles. Also on the desk are various pictures of the Jones Family. One picture is of Baby Jughead diving his head into his birthday cake and next to it is one where Jellybean dives her head into her birthday cake as Jughead sheds a tear in pride from behind.
Mr. Jones: My boy, before you were born, your old man was a famous film critic!
Jughead: When was the last time someone asked you for an autograph?
Panel three: Mr. Jones turns Jughead around and begins to go on the ITube website as he clicks on a video that reads: LAST HAIR RAISING CRITIQUE.
Mr. Jones: You last week for the note Coach Kleats sent about you sleeping during a game of basketball.
Mr. Jones: Now, just watch..
Panel four: A shot of the computer screen as a younger Mr. Jones, wearing a dated suit and pants and sporting an afro is sitting next to a fat guy, with short brown and glasses, in similar bad clothing as they are on a set with various film tape and director clip boards as decorations. On a video panel is a movie title shaped like cucumbers called: KONQUEST OF THE KOMBATIVE CARATE KUKUMBERS. Old Mr. Jones is smiling and pointing away to a distant location while Rob Hamhock points down on the ground to signal staying put.
Old Mr. Jones: Well, Rob, I loved this movie! It was a fun movie made for fun’s sake. I point a finger to the movie theater.
Old Rob Hamhock: That’s the stupidest review I’ve heard! This movie is stinky and anyone who doesn’t like it doesn’t have a soul! Stay home, viewers!
Panel five: Jughead reacts in shock as he watches the ITube video to see his dad rip his hair out as Rob jolts up and prepares to fight. Mr. Jones looks on and shakes his head and covers his eyes as he obviously regrets this moment in time.
Old Mr. Jones: You fat load! You make me so angry sometimes; I could pull my hair out!
Old Rob Hamhock: That’s fine by me! Just leave your neck alone! I’ll wring that for you!!
Panel one: Jughead continues to watch the ITube video as Old Mr. Jones has Old Rob Hamhock in a headlock and takes him to the ground as various actors who resemble Cary Grant, Sylvester Stallone (in boxing trunks and wearing a red bandana), and Robbie the Robot rush the set to separate them. Mr. Jones feels the top of his head as he frowns.
Jughead: So that’s what happened to your hair and--
Jughead: …Wow. Nice take down. Too bad MMA wasn’t created back in the yesterdays, huh?
Mr. Jones: Sigh. I had just finished my comb collection, too…
Panel two: Jughead clicks back on the computer to see various other videos featuring the two. Mr. Jones begins to walk away as he gives the denied arm motion as he begins to walk away in disgust.
Mr. Jones: After that, I quit the critic business, while Rob went at it alone. Now, the twentieth anniversary of the show is coming and he wants me to come back on for a reunion special!
Panel three: Jughead is scrolling down as we see various video searches where we can see Mr. Jones and Rob looking very happy. Mr. Jones stops and looks back questioningly.
Jughead: Too bad. Looks like before, you guys got along really well.
Mr. Jones: Eh?
Panel four: Mr. Jones look down at the screen and smiles as we can see video clips of Mr. Jones and Rob wearing western clothing on a stage set up like a ghost town, another has the two dressed as zombies interviewing a guy who looks like George Romero. And another has the two on a Valentine set as they are both seen crying at a scene of a movie where a woman on a pier waves goodbye at her sailor boyfriend as his submarine pulls out and begins to submerge.
Mr. Jones: I guess we did have our moments.
Panel five: Jughead is leaving the room as Mr. Jones is now in the chair and watching the videos with a smile on his face as he happily begins to reminisce on happier times with his former colleague.
Jughead: Weird. I always figured when you shared so many popcorn bags and walked the same sticky carpet with a pal, your friendship could last through anything.
Mr. Jones: You’d think so…
Panel one: Mrs. Jones is walking in the hall as Jughead leaves his father’s study.
Mrs. Jones: Sigh. I wish your father could live and let live.
Jughead: I think the same thing every time I don’t do a chore and he brings it up at the kitchen table.
Panel two: Mr. Jones happily sticks his head out of his studies as he startles both Mrs. Jones and Jughead.
Mr. Jones: Say, Gladys, you didn’t happen to take a message from Old Robbie Boy?
Mrs. Jones: Er, no…but his number should be on the caller ID—
Panel three: Mr. Jones merrily runs past Mrs. Jones and Jughead as he races away. Mrs. Jones scratches her head in confusion as Jughead looks accusingly at his mother. Walking along in the hall is Hot Dog with the potato chip bowl on his head as Jellybean rides on his back.
Mrs. Jones: What’s gotten into that man?
Jughead: You didn’t tell me last about supper being ready again, did you?
Panel four: Mrs. Jones and Jughead are in the kitchen as Mr. Jones is leaning on the kitchen table with his left arm supporting him as he uses his right to hold the phone to his ear. Jughead and Mrs. Jones look at each other with the same befuddled facial expression.
Mr. Jones: …Yeah, it has been a long time. So let’s let bygones be long gone and have one last show together!
Mr. Jones: …That’s great, Robbie. See you Saturday!
Panel five: Mr. Jones rushes up to hug both Mrs. Jones and Jughead in his arms. Mrs. Jones returns the hug while Jughead doesn’t react one way to the hug as he begins to ask a question.
Mr. Jones: You hear that, hon?! Back one time only at the old show!
Mrs. Jones: That’s great, dear!
Jughead: Wait, mom, you haven’t even started cooking?
Panel one: Mr. Jones takes a few steps back and opens his eyes wider with the index and thumb of each respective hand to show that he still has great eyesight and inducement into movie critiquing. Jughead seems unimpressed while Mrs. Jones is trying to not laugh at her husband as she puts her right hand over her mouth.
Mr. Jones: It’s been a few years, but these eyes can pick out the greatness and flaws of a movie and tell the listeners what’s what.
Jughead: I do that with Archie all the time…
Panel two: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as Mr. Jones stares at Jughead with a hint of anger as he scowls slightly at Jughead for making light of Mr. Jones’ good news. Mrs. Jones rolls her eyes at Jughead.
Jughead: …But when I tell him a movie is bad and we should leave, Ronnie yells at me to shut up and stop ruining her dates with Archie.
Panel three: Mr. Jones talks with Jughead as Jughead tilts his head in confusion.
Mr. Jones: What do you say, son? Want to go to the Riverdale Public Broadcasting and watch your old man at his old job?
Jughead: Sure, but one question: What’s your current job?
Panel four: Mr. Jones crosses his arms across his chest and squints an eye at Jughead as Jughead shrugs his shoulders in a hollow way.
Mr. Jones: Do I have to talk to you during commercial breaks for you to actually listen to me?
Jughead: It’d help, but if those talking candy pieces are on, you have no hope.
Panel five: Mr. Jones is rushing out the kitchen door as Jughead puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk behind. Mrs. Jones smiles in amusement.
Mr. Jones: C’mon, Jughead! Your old man has get the kinks out of the ol’ eyeballs—TO THE MOVIE THEATER!!!
Jughead: The distance I’ll travel to bum popcorn and mooch candy treats and not have to pay for my own movie ticket…
« on: February 18, 2013, 11:49:52 PM »
Panel one: Betty Cooper, wearing a blue jacket, pink shirt, and blue jeans, is at her local Angels Supermarket as she is at one of the counters in the middle of the aisles as she is giving change for an Angles employee to hand her several stamps in return. The Angles employee girl is wearing a red shirt with a giant blue A on it with a name tag reading Samantha. Close by one aisle has a person checking out various items and handing coupons and showing a binder filled with newspaper clips of lower prices as the line behind her is long. The guy directly behind her has just a two liter drink and is glaring at her like he could kill her for taking up so much time. In check-out yourself aisle a woman jumps back in shock as the computer reads: PAYMENT DUE: INFINITY AND BEYOND
Betty: Yes, I’d like ten stamps.
Samantha: Not a problem.
Panel two: Betty is talking with Samantha as Samantha begins to rip out several stamps. In front of them several small kids have gotten into the big ball bin and are bouncing on the balls as their parents chase after them.
Betty: So, has it been a busy afternoon?
Panel three: Betty puts the stamps in her jean pockets as she waves goodbye. Right beside Betty are two customers whose carts have collided and have spilled their meats, vegetables, and drinks. One customer is shaking his left fist while showing he signaled with his right hand as the other customer points at himself and straight ahead. Sitting down is a boy reading an Archie Double Digest amidst the chaos around him.
Samantha: Been pretty quiet, actually.
Betty: Well, I hope it stays that way.
Panel one: Betty is entering her house through the kitchen and taking off her jacket as she reaches into her jean pockets. Mrs. Cooper is frying porkchops on the oven as she talks with her daughter. Mrs. Cooper is wearing an apron that reads: I DO MORE THAN JUST COOK.
Mrs. Cooper: Betty, did you go over to Angles and get the stamps?
Betty: Right after school. I remembered, I remembered.
Panel two: Betty puts twelve stamps on the kitchen table and her jacket on one of the kitchen table chairs. One is four stamps on each side, two are two stamps on each side and the other is just four straight stamps. Betty is looking them over and realizes this as Mrs. Cooper is flipping the porkchops into the air like they were pancakes as a small stream of smoke follow the porkchops up and back down.
Betty: Huh. Twelve?
Betty: Mom, I think she gave me two extra stamps.
Panel three: Mrs. Cooper is walking over with the plate of porkchops, using oven mitts to carry the plate as she places it on the table.
Mrs. Cooper: So she did.
Betty: So what should we do?
Panel four: Mrs. Cooper is back at the oven as she has a pot boiling with water and is flipping potatoes in the air as she uses one hand to hold a knife and cut the skin of the potatoes and her free hand, reaching over her body to grab the potato skins before they hit the ground. The potatoes go into the water. Betty is holding the stamps in her hands.
Mrs. Cooper: We don’t need any more groceries until next week. When we go back, I’ll be sure to give the counter an extra ninety-two cents.
Betty: Yeah. Sure. That won’t be a problem at all…
Panel one: Betty is walking down a hall as she frowns and balls her fists as if she is having an inner conflict.
Betty: I can’t believe it!
Betty: Someone else makes a mistake, gives me just two extra stamps , and now I feel like a common thief!
Panel two: Betty is walking down the hallway as we can see her father in the living room sitting on a sofa watching TV where it looks like someone is just counting someone’s change on the street. Betty is taking deep breaths as she tries to calm down.
Betty: Take deep breaths, girl. It’s just ninety-two cents. Nothing to get worked up about—
Mr. Cooper: Betty! Come watch this new reality tv show with me!
Panel three: Betty begins to tense and her left eyebrow begins to twinge as he father turns in his seat to her. The TV is now showing someone asking for someone on a busy street to give him chance in his open hand so he can count.
Mr. Cooper: It’s called Every Cent Counts! It’s where this guy Vince goes up to someone and asks them for the loose change in their pocket so he can count it and give it back to them!
Panel four: Betty loses it and begins screaming and stomping her feet as she holds out an open palm and points to it with her other hand. Mr. Cooper jumps back in shock at the sudden outburst.
Betty: I gave her the correct change! I counted it! I can multiple! It’s forty-six cents times ten! Four dollars and sixty cents! Eighteen quarters and a dime is what I gave her!
Panel five: Betty is running up to stairs as Mr. Cooper just goes back to his TV program after shrugging his shoulders.
Mr. Cooper: She could have just said she’s already seen it…
Panel one: It is night time as Betty is wearing a long blue shirt and purple shorts and has left her hair down as she sits on her bed and contemplates the worse.
Betty: …And what about Samantha? Those are federal stamps. What if the FBI arrests her? Tries her for treason!!
Panel two: Betty lies back in her bed and puts a pillow on her head as she screams and waves her fists about.
Betty: A penny for a thought—BUT UNDERPAYING NINETY-TWO CENTS IS DRIVING ME MAD!!!
Panel three: Betty sits up as she smiles and her eyes light up as she has an idea.
Betty: I know! I’ll call Veronica! A good friend will share my burden with me!!
Panel four: Veronica is answering her cellphone as she is at her wardrobe dresser and looking into her mirror as she is combing her hair for the night as she is wearing purple silk pajamas. Along her wardrobe dresser are various make-up kits, skin cream, and a mirror.
Veronica: …Calm down! I can’t understand a word that you’re saying!!
Panel five: Veronica has stopped combing her hair as her left lip tenses as she looks like she is just about to laugh.
Veronica: Did you just ask me what I would do if I just owed someone ninety cents…?
Panel six: Betty is rolling her eyes as she looks at the reader and points her free hand at her cell phone in a “can you believe she’s my best friend.” type manner.
Cellphone: HA HA HA!
Cellphone: ME, VERONICA LODGE…OWN OR OWE JUST NINETY CENTS?! AAAAHHHHAAAAA!!!
Panel one: Betty is lying down on her bed sheets as she seems to be calm and relaxed as she reaches over to turn her lamp off.
Betty: Veronica’s right. It is a silly thing to worry about.
Betty: Tomorrow is Saturday! I can just walk back over and give the change sometime in the morning
Panel two: A shot of Betty as is in her bed covered up nice and snug as she looks like she is beginning to go to sleep with no more worries plaguing her.
Betty: Just eleven hours and it’ll all be over.
Panel three: Betty looks like she is asleep.
Panel four: Betty’s eyes pop open.
Panel five: Betty sits up in bed and begins to shake her head as she pulls at her hair as she goes back to fretting.
Betty: I cannot wait that long!!
Betty: But what else can I do…? Think, Cooper, Think!
Panel one: The store manager for Angles is walking in the parking lot and reaching into his pockets for his keys as it is morning and the sun is just coming up. It is a cold day as he takes out a breath and can see it in the air.
Store Manager: Now where are those keys…?
Panel two: The Store Manager looks up as he is startled by a voice
Off-panel voice: Yes! Yes! You’re finally, finally here!
Panel three: Betty Cooper, wearing her blue t-shirt and now wearing pink sweat pants and fluffy bunny slippers is opening up her sleeping bag on the bench next to the doors, where she obviously slept the night, as she holds out three quarters, two pennies, a nickel, and a dime as she begins to approach the store manager. The Store Manager scratches his head and has no idea what to make of what is going on.
Betty: I’m really, sorry, but one of your employees accidentally gave me two extra stamps, and I didn’t want her to get in trouble!
Betty: The George Triplets and their best friends Franklin, Lincoln, and Thomas right here!
Store Manager: !!!
Panel four: The Angles Manager begins to shed a tear as he holds the money in his hand and is sincerely touched by Betty’s honesty and determination. Betty gathers up her sleeping bag and walks past two startled older women. Betty is skipping along like everything is normal.
Angles Manager: Sniff. It’s acts like this that make running a wholesome grocery store worth every cent!
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