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Topics - PTF

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
Fan Fiction / Archie in Mr. Lodge goes Quackers for Football!
« on: June 10, 2014, 01:26:28 AM »
Archie in Own, Draft, Awesome.

Panel one: The setting is the Lodge living room as Archie and Veronica are sitting on a purple diamond encrusted couch as they are watching ISPN (International Sports News)  on a 70 inch HD TV as they are showing  the frustrated owner of a football team called the Ducks as he is pulling his hair out in frustration as the GM and Super Duck, the mascot, look on. Reading a newspaper in his personal chair is Mr. Lodge as he’s more focused on the paper than the TV.

Veronica: Archiekins, what’s wrong with that man?

Archie: Oh, him? That’s the owner of The Ducks. They’ve been the worst team in football for the last twenty years.

Panel two: Archie is talking in the foreground while in the background on the TV screen are the Duck fans who are wearing paper bags over their heads to show how bad the team is that they don’t want to be seen supporting the team. One fan’s bag reads, “I’m quackers for staying a fan!!”

Archie: They’ve never had good players, the coaching has always been poor, and it’s gotten so bad that the fans refuse to have their faces seen!

Panel three: Mr. Lodge joins in on the conversation as he begins to lower the newspaper so we can see his face and see that he’s been reading the funny pages.

Mr. Lodge: I don’t see how anyone can do such horrible business for two decades.

Page 2

Panel one: Mr. Lodge is putting his paper on his lap as he talks with Archie and Veronica listen to him. On the TV Super Duck is being chased by people resembling the Duck Dynasty cast as the owner and GM are run over in the chase.

Veronica: What would you do, daddykins if you were the owner of the Ducks?

Mr. Lodge: Simple enough…

Panel two: A close up on Mr. Lodge as he’s happily going over what he would do to make a successful football team.

Mr. Lodge: I’d gather a strong assembly of knowledgeable and experienced professionals in the front office, I’d find a great coach and leader of men, and you use the draft to find the best talent and make your team stronger.

Panel three: Archie is talking with Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge brushes off what he’s saying as he doesn’t seem like he could care less as he goes back to reading the paper.

Archie: If it’s so easy then why don’t you own a professional sports team, Mr. Lodge?

Mr. Lodge: Humph. I already have enough on my plate, thank you very much.

Panel four: Veronica and Archie begin to tease Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge’s paper droops as we can see he’s getting red with anger.

Archie: Sounds like that plate has quite the chicken platter on it!

Veronica: Now, now, daddy can’t be expected to be successful in everything he does…

Panel five: Mr. Lodge bursts out of his chair and surprises Archie and Veronica as he points a finger in their direction.

Mr. Lodge: I am Hiram Lodge! I have the Midas touch! Anything I have bought or invested in has made me a profit! I have made poor men rich and rich men kings!

Mr. Lodge: And if I bought that team on that TV right now, they would be winning the championship this year!

Page 3

Panel one: Archie rolls his eyes as he look over at Veronica who winks back at him as she agrees to play along. Mr. Lodge glares down at Archie with flames in his eyes.

Archie: Right….

Panel two: Mr. Lodge is pointing at the hallway for Archie to leave as Archie nonchalantly begins to stand up.

Mr. Lodge: Get out! I don’t want anyone in this house who doesn’t take my word as the absolute truth that it is!

Archie: I’m going, I’m going--!

Panel three: Veronica begins to walk past her father as Mr. Lodge reacts in surprise.

Veronica: Well, I’ll be seeing you when I see you!

Panel four: Mr. Lodge is yelling as Veronica stops and tries to calm him down.

Mr. Lodge: Veronica! After all that you have, you don’t believe in me!?

Veronica: Daddy, I’m just teasing you. And so was Archie. He was just poking fun.

Panel five: Mr. Lodge is grumbling to himself as he is slouched over and grinding his teeth together. Veronica is looking into the doorway as Smithers is beginning to come into the room. Smithers has a perplexed look on his face that Veronica notices.

Mr. Lodge: He’s poking a tiger is what he’s doing!

Veronica: Smithers…? Is something the matter?

Panel six: Smithers is talking as Veronica listens. Mr. Lodge thrusts a fist in the air as if he was declaring war.

Smithers: Master Andrews told me and I quote: “That Mr. Lodge pretty much gave everyone on staff indefinite leave,” whatever that might mean.

Mr. Lodge: THAT TEARS IT!!!

Page four

Panel one: Mr. Lodge is on a cellphone as he is looking at the TV where the Duck Owner is on his hands and knees crying as he reaches into his pocket. The General manager tries to console him to no avail.

Mr. Lodge: I’m going to teach that freckled face deadhead nitwit to never to taunt a Lodge!

Panel two: Mr. Lodge is talking the cellphone as Veronica and Smithers look on in confusion.

Mr. Lodge: Hello, Mr. LeBeauf. Georgie, it’s me, Hiram Lodge. I was hoping to purchase your football franchise immediately!

Panel three: Mr. Lodge, Veronica, and Smithers look at the TV as Mr. LeBeauf is jumping in joy.

TV: YAY! The Albatross is off of my neck!! No more lame duck team!!

Panel four: Veronica congratulates her father for purchasing the Ducks by giving him a kiss on his cheek. Smithers places a hand on Mr. Lodge’s shoulder to show his support.

Veronica: Oh, daddy, you finally have your own football team!

Smithers: Bully for you, sir!

Panel five: Mr. Lodge places a closed fist in an open palm as he smirks as he seems to be up for the challenge of turning The Ducks into a winning team.

Mr. Lodge: And now the hard work begins! It’s time for that Lodge know-how to make ducks soar majestically like eagles!

Page 5 (Six panels, two on each side to show a before and after)

Panel one:  Mr. Lodge is in the Ducks training facility to see that is a pathetic mess. Barbells are bent, the exercise bikes are broken and one has fallen lopsided onto another. Treadmills are without tread, and a whirl pool bath is dirty and slimy. Nearby by a rat seems to be disgusted by the room and the smell.

Mr. Lodge: I can’t expect my men to be champions training before and healing up after a game like this!

Panel two: Mr. Lodge has remodeled the training facility to include whirlpool hot tubs for the players, high tech sports equipment, and he even has placed several flat screen TVs showing work outs and stretches. Mr, Lodge is in the middle pridefully standing in the facility as he soaks it all in. The rat from before is on a miniature treadmill and is getting buff.

Mr. Lodge: Now this will shape my team into champions!

Panel three: Mr. Lodge is shaking his head as he is now on the field and is looking at the Duck coach. The Duck coach is overweight, balding, has buckteeth (one longer than the other), is wearing a white tank top with a wrinkly red jacket over it, black shorts and flip flops and is holding the play book upside down with several pages falling out of it. With his free hand he is picking his nose.

Coach: Der.

Mr. Lodge: This is not my idea of a head coach…or a human being.

Panel four: Same field only with Mr. Lodge standing next to a Tom Landry looking head coach as he smiles ear to ear.

Mr. Lodge: Tim Laundry! Now this is a coach! This is a leader!

Panel five: Mr. Lodge and Mrs. Lodge are standing in front of Super Duck as he is on his hands and knees as he is begging to keep his job. Behind him the Goose Gallery (Duck Dynasty homage) are preparing to net Super Duck and take him away.

Mr. Lodge: I’m sorry, but I’m not convinced that being called The Ducks intimidates the enemy.

Mrs. Lodge: But, Hiram, he looks so cute and he’s begging you.

Panel six: Mr. Lodge reaches an arm over and hugs Mrs. Lodge and gives her a kiss on the forehead to show his affection. Super Duck is jumping for joy as he gets to stay on the team. The Goose Gallery walk away dejectedly, dragging their net behind them.

Mr. Lodge: I suppose we can leave this the same--

Mrs. Lodge: I always knew you were an animal lover.

Mr. Lodge: Not as much as I love a certain someone.

Reviews / PTF Reviews Archie's Funhouse #5
« on: May 28, 2014, 03:35:31 PM »

And before I begin, to all of those who have digital subscriptions or the like and would like to mention it—SHADDUP SHADDUP SHADDUP!!

The Good:

Fernando Ruiz. The majority of the art for the digest coming from my favorite Archie artist? Yeah, that’s a great selling point. Just great work. The characters and their movements and expressions are spot on and I love the background art. I especially love how he draws Jerry Bigg in the multiple part story; you just know he’s going to be the most annoying human being ever. And let’s not forget the cover which I really like. Although I’m kind of wondering why he signed his first name instead of his last name for the cover. Maybe because his first name is cool. I have the opposite feeling regarding mine.

Reggie: For all you Reggie fans, you get some more great Reggie stories or stories where he is pretty much the main focus. You get a wide range from Barbarian to a dunk booth, and crazed dune buggy racer. So if you’re a big Reggie fan, then you’re definitely going to like this digest.

Continuity…wha? Yep, if looks like The World Arc is going to be followed up as the kids have gained some fame and now some egomaniac big movie biz Jerry Bigg prepares to use them. Alex Simmons is doing a great job on the writing as he’s set up the Stop Watch Bandits, Jerry Bigg is an entertaining character and we’re left with a nice cliffhanger and a few questions to be answered later. All the characters are spot on the art is great from Ruiz with tons of Easter eggs.

Stories: For the most part, they’re all pretty good to great. You have really fun story with Archie and  a dozen eggs, various characters like Pop Tate, Dilton, and other characters getting a story. We have a really clever Moose needs to pass a make up test to play in the big game with a fun ending. There are a few stories I didn’t like.

The Bad.

Dilton wants peace. Bah, curse these hippie laced stories. Pretty much Dilton is preachy about no violence and negotiate. I just have heard this message so much, I want to punch someone. Plus it gets in the way of Moose clobbering someone. Darn it all, without walloping someone we’re left with someone who just goes “Duh” It doesn’t help that the really clever ending Moose story I mentioned earlier was before it.

Price increase. I’m someone who will wait years for someone to pawn a DVD and buy it for two dollars (That’s how I got the Lord of the Ring Trilogy), so I’m not liking a dollar increase. I get that it’s a dollar and this was a very good issue…but I’m incredibly cheap.

Just this one thing from Tim Kennedy. I know some people aren’t a fan. I kind of like his art. But I do have one question…what the heck is up with Chuck’s hair?! It just looks weird and Chuck’s hair style is very important to me. Chuck’s hair makes it easy to tell when a story is. It most always be recognizable. Always.

Yeah, not too much bad this issue. Unless you count me having trouble with some of the games, but that’s more embarrassing than bad. :)

I’d give this issue an A. I only didn’t like one story while everything else is pretty good to great. Favorite artist with the majority of the art helps for me. And I’ll get use to the price increase. So it’s a must buy.

What I learned:

1.   When you want a robot to do something you don’t want to do, don’t program it with your personality.
2.   Bigg Productions: We’re the Marvel Studios/Asylum direct to video of the Archie Verse!
3.   No one wants to go to a carnival and be hit buy someone with a rubber sword.
4.   A beach stand is not a good idea for a summer vacation.
5.   Never get between a horde of orphans and food.
6.   Even when sneaky people are being straight with you they are sneaky.
7.   Ms. Grundy cannot compete with a donut shop robbery.
8.   Baseball stinks. It never ends, you have to make good grades to play, and angry people throw you.
9.   A dozen eggs can be quite the challenge
10.   Dune Buggy racing was the rage back in the day when gas cost a penny and Betty Boop was only seventy years old.

Reviews / PTF reviews Jughead and Archie #1
« on: May 05, 2014, 01:46:56 PM »
A lot of people are wondering when I’ll finish The Solo Sheriff fan fic. My answer: When Archie Comics gets back on schedule, I’ll get back on mine! That or K-Mart shelves the digest on time. Lazy people I swear.... :)

The Good

Goldman and Lindsey: Duh. Seriously, why do I even bother giving reasons? And we have several good stories involving a soda pop picture contest with a nice ending, Jughead as a lender in nice twist, and Jughead making a not so pleasing to the nose food masterpiece. All are fun stories like usual.

Samm. These first two, can I we all just assume they’re great and it doesn’t need to be said. Anyway, you have the standard great art. And even a nice little word balloon effect where Archie is getting his head massaged by a barber as he’s talking. You have stories of Jughead joining a club, a paranoid Jughead trying to avoid a haircut, unicycling, and a few more stories. So all is good.

Goldberg. Shoo. Thought we might get some bad art, but it’s good to very good. I got to admit, when I get a Jughead digest, well, I know I’m getting a ton of G&L and Samm stories. Kind of like with Betty and Veronica digest you expect Dan Parent and Barbara Slate and Webb stories. But I’m not going to complain since the stories are good. “Bus Boy” is my favorite as it has Archie at his best: Has an idea, sees the flaws, and adapts while being as hardworking and clumsy as possible.

That Wilkin Boy. Yay it’s still here…and no more Time Police stories! And we get two more great stories involving Sampson being his typical creep self and Tough Teddy giving us a fine early example of trolling.

Reggie actually wins! Wow this is rare. “Over and Out” Reggie sees what Jughead and Archie are doing with Walkie-Talkies and actually gets one over on the two without a hitch. Story even has Archie having a Crazy Betty moment at the end. Seriously, that’s going to really hurt.

Good art and writing from the rest. Wow. A Doug Crane story where the background people don’t look like mannequins. And for all the knocks Al Hartley gets, he has a nice story. And the writing from everyone else is good. Nothing out of character.

Jughead is a jerk the good way. We have a few great stories where Jughead is at his most noble best. He tricks Reggie away from a Tennis tournament so Archie can be with Veronica, he’s obsessing about his hat and Reggie gets drawn into his madness and that’s his undoing, and even a story where Jughead is being a creep and breaking school rules and gets his just reward for his lies. I don’t have a problem with Jughead being a jerk. He is. But I think that his problems are more how out of the norm he is, how loyal to his friend---and as long as he gets paid back, I’m okay with Jughead being a jerk. But there are times when Jughead goes too far…

The Bad

Jughead is a jerk the bad way. I listed how Jughead was a jerk in a good way (Helping Archie and getting paid back.) Now we’re at a story where if someone said they hated Jughead and used this story as evidence—I can’t defend it. “Cake and All.” Jughead has a cold and wants to feed a fever so he tricks Betty and Veronica out of the cakes they were working on. For charity. I hate stories like this. That’s a horrible, selfish thing to do! There is not one redeemable quality to Jughead in this story. I mean, I like the art, but…I want to root for Jughead, and that story made me want to see him get smacked. I mean, it’s a clever trick, but the cakes being for charity kill this story for me.

Hey, Jughead…bye Jughead. Hey, Archie, Bye Archie. We have a story or two where it’s pretty much just an Archie story only with Jughead for a few panels and the same with a few Jughead stories with Archie only in them for a few panels. I know it’s nitpicky, but the digest is now called Jughead and Archie not Jughead and/or Archie Double Digest. I’ll make a deal, if only five stories are like this from now on, I won’t mention it. I think that’s fair.

No Jughead dealing with Ethel or Trula or any of the other girls. Yeah, Jughead doesn’t have any girl troubles he personally has to deal with this time around. Ethel is in a few panels for a one page story strip, but that’s it. So not so much of Jughead matching wits or running for his life against the opposite sex this issue.

What I’ve learned.

1.   Veronica’s cousin Leroy has grown up a bit. But he’s still an ugly monster.
2.   The Durian fruit is not to be smelled…or even cooked for that matter.
3.   Never ride a unicycle.
4.   Learning to skate is nice, but when you’re a natural klutz it’s just a waste of time in the end.
5.   Who needs muscles when you have math!!
6.   Mr. Weatherbee is the greatest principal of all time.
7.   That Souphead is much better than Al Gore in explaining the consequences of Global Warming and how it affects my Christmas.
8.   Juvenile Rheumatism is a growing problem in our schools today.
9.   That in Goldberg drawn stories, the sun seems to always be going supernova.
10.   You’re not paranoid if everyone is out to get you. Emphasis on IF

I’ll give it a B+. It’s pretty much what I expected it to be with the new change. Yeah, we we’re going to lose a few Samm or Goldman and Linsey stories, but hopefully we’ll keep getting Goldberg with some good art. I think one problem is that it doesn’t really feel like that good of a first issue. Heck, first issue and with that title, I kind of expected this one issue to be all Jughead and Archie stories, but we had a few Jughead or Archie guest starring. Still, I recommend buying it. It's pretty much the same only with a bit more Goldberg. So WHO'S read this book. :)

Fan Fiction / Explorers of the Unknown: The Asteroid of Doom
« on: April 09, 2014, 01:51:56 AM »
Page one:

Caption: At the outer edge of The Milky Way Galaxy.

Panel one: A shot of a scout ship as it begins to set off a tractor beam into a nearby asteroid field. The ship is spiral shaped with two massive propulsion engines to the right and left side of the ship that is losing power. The tractor beam is coming out of the tip of the space ship. At the bottom of the ship an opening is let out for various triangular space probes to reenter.

Inside of scout ship: Conqueror Lrak this is Scout Ship 45Z reporting.

Inside of the scout ship: Our search in this desolate region of the universe has only identified one known planet in the nearby galaxy as inhabiting sentient life--

Panel two: Inside of the space ship we see a blue skinned alien wearing black and purple space armor with similar looking crew kneeling down at  a distorted hologram of a larger four armed, seven foot tall alien with a dog like appearance. Lrak looks on with all four arms crossed over his massive chest as his eyes glow bright red that somehow overpower the grey and blue hologram. Exact details of Conqueror Lrak are hidden by the blue and grey lighting of the hologram. Inside of the scout ship we see various panels and high tech computers that are just barely running thanks to the tractor beam use.

Alien: Lord, given how far away this one planet is from the empire and the time and energy it would take to travel…and our ship is already running low on power …

Alien: …May I recommend that…

Panel three: Conqueuor Lrak turns his head slightly as he shows off his fanged teeth smiling wickedly as his answer as the other alien cowers and lowers his head as he shakes.

Alien: Y-yes…

Alien: Yes, Conqueror Lrak. The challenge of worth shall begin at once--

Panel four: A close-up on a nearly 300 foot wide asteroid being repulsed by the scout ship as it shatters much smaller asteroids and space debris as it rockets at astonishing speed as it heads out for the targeted destination giving off heat and green repulse ray energy.

Inside of battleship: Prove your worth to be conquered by surviving, blue and green planet of the terrains….

Inside of battle ship: …For the challenge to your champions comes now!!

Page 2

Panel one: A high angle view of Explorer Mountain as it surrounded by a forest and a nearby lake.

Caption: Explorer Mountain. Riverdale, USA. Earth.

Gizmo inside: Computo, security scans and global alarms detect nothing?

Explorer Supercomputer inside of the Explorer Mountain: Confirmed, Creator: Gizmo. Scans show no immediate threats. Systems operating at 100%.  Begin monitoring remote orbital satellites?

Gizmo: Please do as I finish…YES!

Panel two: Inside of Explorer Mountain’s control room as Gizmo is just now closing a panel to the Explorer Super Computer as he looks over at his Explore Wristband. The super computer itself is oval shaped with various 3D icons representing the individual Explorers. Red Andrews is represented with the color red rope, Angel with pink wings, F/X with a camera, Nitro with a stick of dynamite, Wheels with a car, and Squint with a motorcycle. Gizmo himself is represented by a brain with glasses on. The super computer has a map of the United States showing where each Explorer is by icon. Red and Angel are in Florida, Wheels and F/X are in Riverdale, Spike is in Riverdale not too far off, as is Gizmo only his is below the other two icons, Squint and Nitro are in Las Vegas.

Gizmo: The warning alert in the Explorer wrist bands are performing at optimal level and with the adjustments to the security protocol and new transference module, the unique signal each wristband constantly emits can be used to home in on each Explorer securely!

Panel three: Gizmo is wiping his brow with a handkerchief as he looks up towards the Wheels and F/X icons on the monitor as he obviously would rather be with them (more specifically Wheels).

Gizmo: Sigh, maybe next I’ll invent a software to help socially awkward geniuses communicate with girls….

Panel four: The entire control room of Explorer Mountain goes bright red as Computo, the Explorer Supercomputer, and various alarms around Gizmo activate. On a monitor is a simple showing of the universe with a dot rocketing past Jupiter and heading directly towards Earth. Gizmo presses a button on his Explorer Wrist band as he rolls up his sleeve.

Computo: DANGER! Space probe 25 stationed on Jupiter’s 22nd moon orbit has detected approaching threat!! Immanent Doom Probability calculating.

Computo: Calculation: Total destruction of Earth 99.9 percent

Gizmo: By Jove, I might not get the chance!

Page 3

Panel one: A shot of Riverdale First National Bank as police have lined up their cars and set up barricades to keep the crowd isolated as they monitor the bank. In the crowd we can see various reporters and camera man as they report live on the scene.

Inside the bank: Arggh! How did all of these cops show up!?

Panel two: Inside of the bank, three ski masked wearing robbers holding laser guns are in the center of the bank as civilians and bank tellers are lined up, sitting on the ground. In the middle of the civilians is an old African American who is winking at the eight year old boy next to her to try and show him that everything will be fine. One mask robber is heading for the old lady to pull her up. Near the first bank robber are five bags of money with various dollar bills poking out of one bag.

Robber two: We should have known this job was a bust when that new guy O’Brien never showed! Probably ratted on us!

Robber three: Yeah, well, I say we get what we got—

Panel three: The third robber begins to grab at the old African America lady as she sneers at him.

The third robber: --And we take us a hostage and get as far as we can get! And I say age before beauty!

Panel four: The robber pulls his hand up suddenly as he has pulled off the old woman’s white hair/wig as his eyes go wide in alarm.

Old lady off panel: And I say, you need to respect your elders!

Panel five: The bank robber is hit with an uppercut from the old lady that knocks him off of his feet. We can see just enough of the fist to show that it definetly doesn’t belong to any old lady.

Old lady off panel:  For obvious reaons!


Robber Three: URK!

Page 4

Panel one: The bank robber lands unconscious to the ground as the other bank robbers rush to him. To the right of the panel we can see the dress the lady was wearing beginning to come off, landing right next to a white haired wig as various hostages look on with shock. The boy smiles from ear to ear as he recognizes who is saving them.

Robber 1: Wow! That’s a tough grannie!

Robber 2: That’s not an old lady! That’s one of the Explorers of the Unknown! That’s—

Panel two: F/X is standing up as he adjusts his cloak and peeling away the old lady face make-up as he greets the robbers with a confident smile.

F/X: F/X!

F/X: Master of special effects, disguise, and illusions amongst my other talents!

Panel three: F/X squints an eye as his voice changes to an irish accent.

F/X: Iffin’ ya known me talents, I might have been more then a look out, me bucko.

Robber two: That—That voice! That Irish accent! That’s O’Brien!

Panel four: The robbers point their laser guns at F/X as presses a crest on his cloak and begins to disappear from sight to the amazement of the hostages. Save for one hostage who tucks his head between his knees.

Robber one: Well, smart guy, we’ve got our weapons set right on you.

F/X: Then I better not be seen.

Panel five: The robbers twist their heads ever which way as F/X is throwing his voice all around the room, confusing them as they begin to stagger and become unnerved. One voice seems to be coming from a bank teller as she clamps her mouth shut with both hands.

Roof: Now where am I?

Just above bank teller: Nope.

To the right corner of the bank: Here’s some advice: Throw your guns down or I’ll throw you around more than I’m doing with my voice!

Page 5

Panel one: The robbers begin to run out of the bank as the shadow of a net is beginning to cover them as they leave and look back behind them. Each robber has a sack of money in their nonlaser gun holding hand.

Robber two: Forget this! I’d rather blast my way through the cops than deal with a guy like that!

Panel two: The net falls and wraps around the bank robbers as F/X reappears just in front of the robbers as he looks up in the sky.

F/X: Can’t have that.

F/X: And there are worse things out here for you—

Panel three: A shot in the sky as the Explorer Jet is beginning to uncloak. F/X waves a hand to signal a job well done. Various officers and people in the crowd look on in awe. Inside of the jet we can see Wheels blushing as she can’t help but smile.

F/X: --Like the master piloting skills of the lovely Wheels Cooper!

Wheels: Hi from up high.

Panel four: Wheels is looking at the monitor in front of her as she talks with F/X through her own wristband. On the dash of the jet is a picture of an eight year old Wheels in aviator gear as her parents stand proudly next to her. Next to that picture is one of Red Andrews. On a nearby monitor just to her left is an Explorer Alert with the icon of Explore Mountain flashing.

Wheels’ wristband: Say, how about we give the people a bigger show? Maybe a swoop and loop the loop?

Wheels: Sounds like a kick, but we’ve got an Explorer Alert Epson!

Panel five: The Explorer Jet is zooming off in the distance as we can see a rope ladder extended out as F/X begins to climb on it. The officers are arresting the robbers. The police are dragging out the unconscious third robber who is still seeing stars from his thrashing. One police officer is looking at the high tech laser gun of one of the robbers. Another is pointing a brand on the laser gun that shows a steel bar door with a halo above it

Officer: Where are these low rent punks getting this high tech artillery..!?

Officer two: And what’s this logo here all about?

Fan Fiction / Archie: Lucks of the Irish.
« on: March 17, 2014, 10:09:02 AM »
Page 1

Panel one: A six inch leprechaun with a red beard and traditional leprechaun attire (A green hat, green suit and matching pants with brown shoes with golden buckles) is outside the Andrews home as he hides behind a baseball left out in the yard as he watches Archie trip over his shoe laces as he makes his way down the driveway. Vegas is close by, tilting his head in confusion at the leprechaun.

Sean: Top of o’ the morn, me lads and ladies.

Sean: Me name is Sean and I be of the fair folk. Normally, I’d be celebrating St. Patrick’s day with me wife and kin ‘round now, but I thought I ought to check on the Andrews clan.

Panel two: Sean shakes his head as he sadly watches Archie sitting up and blowing on his injured elbow. Vegas forgets about Sean and goes to check on Archie.

Sean: It seems me magic still is going strong in that blood line…

Panel three: Sean is bending down to polish his left shoebuckle with a rag as he talks with the reader with a giant smile on his face.

Sean: Ah, ye want to know what I have to be doing with the lad…?

Sean: Not a problem. We leprechauns enjoy telling old tales as much as we like shining our shoe buckles!

Page 2

Panel one: Sean is happily skipping along as he is smoking his pipe as he is going down a small path in a meadow area with a shamrock patch just behind him as he goes about without a care in the world. The smoke from his pipe is forming a four leaf clover.

Caption: It was just a normal day those five hundred years back as I was enjoying the emerald isle’s beauty and enjoying a nice pipe as I went to check on me gold.

Caption: …Oh, and kiddes, don’t be following in Sean’s old habit. I quit the smoke good long years back. Bad fer ye health…!

Panel two: Sean is moving aside several shamrocks as he restlessly looks to find an empty space and a small imprint of a small heavy pot that is no longer there. The pipe hangs just at Sean’s bottom lip from falling out of his mouth entirely as the smoke forms an exclamation mark.

Caption: --Now there are three things we leprechauns detest: dirty shoes, being chased while we be eating our cereal—and having our pot o’ gold stolen!!

Panel three Sean is red faced and furious as his pipe burns to ash from the heat and flames coming from Sean’s mouth. Behind Sean we can see a pair of slightly hairy legs wearing brown shoes and a green plaid kilt walking up to Sean from his back.

Caption: And if there be only one thing worse than being a thief and having a leprechaun meet up with ye—

Angus Andrews: Ach, me boyo! Ye be a wee sort of fella!

Panel four: Sean turns and looks up at Angus Andrews—the ancestor of Archie Andrews. Angus Andrews looks like Archie except a few years older and has red side burns. Angus Andrews is wearing a green plaid kilt with a matching tunic over a black shirt. Strapped over his shoulder are bagpipes. Oh his head is a highlander bonnet that is slipping down to the right side of his head.

Caption: It’s being the first person a leprechaun sees after his gold be stolen!!

Angus Andrews: Nice tae meet ye!  Ma name is Angus Andrews of the Highlands.

Sean: And I be Sean the Leprechaun. I be low to the land.  And I brook no man stealin’ me gold!

Page 3

Panel one: Sean points at Angus’s kilt as Angus follows his Sean’s finger,

Sean: If’n ye be needin’ the money for pants, there are honest ways to go about!

Panel two: Angus is tugging at his kilt as defends himself. Sean pretends that he is listening as he is tapping the top of his hat as he is trying to think of a proper punishment.

Angus: Ma wee man, this is a kilt, a growing fashion trend that will go ‘round the world and stay!  And I dinnae know what you be accusing me of!

Sean: Sure’n ye don’t…

Panel three: Angus has several hearts above his head as he has a thought balloon of an attractive Scottish lass as he thinks about finding a wife. Sean rolls his eyes impatiently.

Angus: I cannae find a wife back home, so I ventured to this land in hopes o’ finding a lady love!

Angus: SIGH.

Panel four: Sean points a glowing magically finger at Angus as Angus reacts in shock at what he is seeing.

Sean: Blarney!

Sean: Ye false words and dopey freckly face is not going to do ye no good!

Panel five: Sean shoots out a magical green beam that engulfs Angus as he vibrates violently from the power of the spell. Inside the beam of magic we can seem images of a broken horseshoes and a various four leaf clovers having a leaf ripped off to help illustrate what the spell might be about to the reader.

Sean: Ye may have me gold, but that cannot buy ye no comfort!

Panel six: Angus is shaking his head to get the his bearings as Sean looks happily at his work as a bird is flying over head and eyeing Angus mischievously.

Angus: What was that man!?

Sean: A curse o’ bad luck! One that will last as long as there be a man or woman o’ Andrews blood!

Page 4

Panel one: Angus waves off the curse with both hands as he looks up to notice a bird dropping about to hit his head.

Angus:  I dunnae believe in such shenanigans or—

Angus: Eh?

Panel two: The bird dropping lands right on Angus’ head as Sean falls down laughing and pointing at Angus’ new bad luck. Angus grabs at his hair in disgust as the bird flies off, whistling innocently.

Angus: By mae mother’s haggis--!

Sean: Hah! And that be only a small taste of what is to come!

Panel three: Angus begins to charge at Sean as Angus’ shoe laces suddenly begin to come loose as he is just about to have his left foot step on a right shoe lace.

Angus: I’ll wring yuir neck fer yuir mischief makin’!!

Panel four: Angus trips and falls on his belly at Sean’s feet as Sean is dusting himself off as if he couldn’t care less about Angus.


Angus: ACH!

Sean: Sounds like the belch of a banshee he does!

Panel five: Sean is standing on Angus’ nose as Sean stares Angus right in his left eye as he begins to turn transparent and disappear from sight.

Sean: Ye stole from me and now ye’ll be paying, a debt that will go from generation to generation as long as day and night follow after the other!

Panel six: Angus is shaking his head in disappointment at his new situation as he scratches the back of his head. In the bushes just behind Angus a moose is glaring at Angus and is ready to attach him.

Angus: Twist me sideburns that wee man has cursed me kilt!

Moose: Grrrrrr

Reviews / Jughead double double digest 200
« on: March 04, 2014, 09:11:10 PM »
Jughead Double Double Digest 200

Finally getting around to it. Might as well since the stupid Mr. Peabody Dreamworks display got rid of the cheap five dollar DVD display at my local Wal-Mart. I finally have the five dollars to get the 10th Kingdom and I get bodychecked by a time traveling dog in the electronic section!!

The Good

1.   Craig Boldman and Rex Lindsey. I just need to start writing in “DUH” when I do the Jughead and Archie reviews. Great opening story where Archie and Jughead get tricked into doing each others Check-out Checklist by Reggie. You also have Reggie trying to troll Jughead by cutting up his pants and Jughead’s laziness being used for Principal Weatherbee’s benefit…for a bit. 

2   Samm Schwartz. And for him I should start writing in just “DITTO.” You can’t go wrong. It’s all covered from Ethel to tricking Reggie and the teachers to bad ties to Jughead just being a plan weird. It’s all glorious and Gladir and Doyle deserve credit for writing these great stories for Schwartz to illustrate. Samm’s The Man.

3   Hey we get some more of the supporting cast. One thing I didn’t like about the last double double digest was that a lot of characters in Jughead’s history didn’t get any print. This one rectifies that as we have a Trula Twyst story (FINALLY), Ethel gets a good chunk of stories, Beazley gets a spotlight story, Jellybean is at her most adorable, and Wendy Weatherbee! Wow. I don’t remember a single Jughead digest I own where she’s actually in a story or talks. Nearly everyone is covered. The only people absent are Joani and Debbie (which they should be), Sassy Thrasher and Toni Topaz. But Toni will probably be on a gazillion more digest covers to make up for it. Again a much better representation of the characters in Jughead’s long history. Heck, I forgot how Jughead and Mr. Andrews relationship was a lot like Archie and Mr. Lodge.

4   Bingo Wilkin. Again two awesome Wilkin stories. You have Buddy expanding his horizons and causing trouble to more people than usual and Bingo missing out on a meal by Samantha as he gets easily distracted. Both stories by Doyle and DeCarlo and Goldberg art at their best.

5   Nearly everyone involved. You have great writing from Doyle, Gladir and art running the gauntlet from Ruiz (early and later art), more of the old time artists like Terry Szenics and Lucy. I mean, if you went,” I want a digest where everyone who drew or wrote an Archie story has something contributed—this would be the issue I’d recommend”. I mean, think about this: some of the people I mentioned on art also did letters and inking for other artists. I mean, talk about overqualified!! Heck, I’m not a Doug Crane fan, but his one story is really good. The only big name I can think of that isn’t in this digest is Dan Parent, so sorry for the Dan Parent fans out there.

The Bad

1.   Time Police. Wow. This thing just derailed the more it went down the track, huh? I just can’t figure out Gene Colan. The first time I saw his art in Time Police. It was good. Then the next time it was mushy and bad like an issue of TMNT adventures he did; like someone rubbed their palm against his finished pages and smudged them up. Now…it’s like a bad version of Dan Parent art mixed in with Doug Crane’s usual art. It’s wonky. I can appreciate the time travel aspect and trying to resolve a few plotholes, but I can’t get past the art.

2.   Repeat stories. Yeah, yeah, just hear me out on this one. I know that all stories are reprints, but I believe that you should not repeat within a year. Next year? Yeah. Two years later? Super. But I’m fairly certain that two of these stories were in digests within a year. I don’t have the books with me right now (My cousin is getting into reading and I gave the little tyke my Jughead digests books…yeah, I’m a softie) But I’m really certain they have. I’m sorry, but I can’t ignore that.

I have to give this issue a B+. I just can’t go higher because of the incredibly bad Time Police and two repeat stories that are too soon for my liking (That's wasted pages to me). Now, if you haven’t gotten every Jughead digest this year and haven’t read these stories, boot it up to an A because then the page number would bring it up enough for me to ignore the Time Police story. But still, like I said, there are aspects to this double double that were met where the last one came up short. I recommend buying this issue.

What I learned from this issue

1.   Being gay with someone and giving them the bird were much more innocent figure of speeches back in the day.
2.   Sometimes the improbable is more possible than a simple task quantified.
3.   Goldie Bassinger Stone. The child star that would have taken over the world!
4.   What sandwich your favorite Archie character is.
5.   There is a student in Riverdale who’s head is a smiley face.
6.   Glowing + Jughead being hungry = THE MOST MENANCING MONSTER IN RIVERDALE!!
7.   If you pull a prank, watch your own back.
8.   CSI, SVU…other letters put together, they should just use snowmen to identify criminals.
9.   Never mess with Beazley’s pots!
10.   Wendy Weatherbee plans on majoring in the history of hats in Riverdale University.

Fan Fiction / Archie in Outlive if you can.
« on: March 04, 2014, 12:45:27 AM »
Page 1

Panel one: Archie is wearing a suit and dress pants as he begins to sit down at his computer desk. On Archie’s computer desk are various school books, a picture of Veronica and Betty together. A bobble head of Cosmo The Merry Martian is just to the right of the monitor.

Archie: Already set for the big date with Veronica with minutes to spare! And it’s not like Ronnie is ever ready early or on time…

Archie: And I did just download this game this morning and never had a chance to play…

Panel two: An over the shoulder view of the computer screen as an online game called OUTLIVE is on the monitor. The words OUTLIVE are on the monitor in front of a broken down psychiatric ward while a wind storm is going on. Inside of the psych ward we can see a crazy person at the window sarcastically waving hello.

Archie: Wow. That’s…a little creepy.

Panel three: Archie rolls up his sleeve to show all the goosebumps he has. The Cosmo the Merry Martian bobble head turns its head as its expression has changed to one of fright.


Computer: Heeeelloooo…!!

Archie: Okay. It’s a lot creepy.

Page 2 (The rest of the pages do not show the computer screen and just show Archie and whoever nearby him reacting to only what they see.)

Panel one: Archie is leaning up to the monitor as he reads out loud. He squints his eyes slightly as he reads.

Archie: “This is Outlive. You are ace reporter Niles Downlo and have received tip-offs to weird experimental procedures at a psychiatric hospital nicknamed The Roach Motel.”

Archie: “Outlive whom and whatever is inside.”

Panel two: Archie leans back as he brushes off the cryptic opening message as he keeps his fingers on the keyboard and begins to play the game.

Archie: Sounds like a typical weird mystery to me.

Panel three: Archie sits straight up in shock at what he sees on the monitor.

Archie: Wow! I just got in and I see that guy!? H-he’s…lying down.

Panel four: Archie becomes tense as he continues onward. Archie uses his left hand to open up his suit a little as he begins to sweat and looks on nervously.

Archie: Sure are a lot of people…lying down. Everywhere. At more than one place at the same time.

Panel five: Archie eases up a little as he squints a left eye and begins to examine something on the monitor.

Archie: Hey, there’s someone! I’ll see what he has to say!

Panel six: Archie jumps out of his computer chair as the sudden motion causes the chair to wheel back several inches.

Archie: Eww! What happened to your face!!? It’s like when Jughead chews caramel apples with his mouth open!!

Page 3

Panel one: Archie has one hand typing on the keyboard as he uses his other free arm to pull back his computer chair as he has tongue sticking out as he is stretching his body out.

Archie: Okay. Looks can be deceiving. He can be a friend.

Panel two: Archie glares at the monitor as he shakes his fist at the computer screen.

Archie: Hey! You threw me across the hall!! You’re no friend of mine!!

Panel three: Archie presses buttons rapidly with his right hand as he is using his left hand as he acts like he is pushing someone forward.

Archie: He’s coming for me!! Run! Run! Run!

Pane four: Archie has ducked under his computer desk as he types. The door to his room is beginning to open as Veronica, wearing an elegant black dress, pearl necklace, and black high heel shoes angrily comes into the room.

Archie: He’s looking for me!! Hide! Hide! Hide!

Panel five: Veronica is standing over Archie with her arms folded as she glares down at Archie who is still hiding under the computer desk with only hands on the keyboard visible.

Archie: Odd. I’m well hidden, but I still don’t feel safe.

Panel six: Veronica kicks at Archie as Archie bangs his head under the computer desk as everything on the desk shakes.

Veronica: You can’t hide from me, you louse!


Archie: OW!!!

Page 4

Panel one: Veronica begins to examine the computer monitor as Archie is holding his head with both hands as he is finally coming into view. A red pain star is coming from the top of his head.

Veronica: Where have you been?! I’ve waited and waited and—

Veronica: Oh. I see how it is.

Panel two: Veronica grabs the mouse and begins to move it over as Archie is just now getting to his feet as he is shaking off the blow to his head.

Veronica: Talking to another girl on Skyp, huh? Who is it? Betty? Cheryl?

Panel three: Veronica begins to roll up on the scroll wheel of the mouse as she leans in to the monitor as Archie waves his arms

Veronica: Look at this room of hers! So gothic…!

Veronica: Is it Wendy?!

Panel four: Archie points at the screen in pure fright as Veronica turns her head towards him.

Archie: Look out!!

Veronica: No! You look out!!

Panel five: Veronica turns to the monitor as her hair stands up on end and her face goes white in pure terror. Archie dashes back to the computer chair and takes the controls back over.


Panel six: Veronica is hiding behind Archie’s chair as she peeks out from over Archie’s right shoulder.

Veronica: What in the world is that?!

Archie: A crazy guy who hits really hard! He’s like Moose only uglier, not as strong, and without a Midge!

Page 5

Panel one: Veronica is standing next to Archie as he continues to play.

Veronica: Go in that room!

Archie: Okay!

Panel two: Veronica puts a hand on Archie’s shoulder as he rolls his eyes.

Veronica: Hide therer--no that’s dirty.

Veronica: And that bed quilt is clearly not 2.000 threaded…

Panel three: Archie turns to Veronica as he tries to reason with her.

Archie: A crazy guy is trying to get me!

Veronica: Fine!

Panel four: Veronica waves off her hand as if waving off her pervious complaints physically as Archie turns back to the computer screen.

Veronica: That bed to the right corner. It’s at least been made by the help.

Archie: Okay.

Panel five: Veronica is motioning with her arm like she’s throwing a football as Archie shakes his head.

Veronica: Forget hiding! Be a man! Stand and fight! Throw the camera at him!!

Archie: I can’t fight back in this game! I can only run and hide!

Panel six: Veronica turns away from Archie in frustration and sticks her nose up in the air as Archie puts his right elbow on the computer desk and rests the right side of his head on his right hand and uses his left hand to tap the computer desk with all his fingers as his reaction to Veronica’s snide remark.

Veronica: Hmph! So it’s like real life!

Fan Fiction / Jughead in Clean Street
« on: February 23, 2014, 12:38:45 PM »
Page 1

Panel one: Jughead is walking out his house as he is drinking a two liter soda. Jughead has his head titled back and is using his free left hand to keep his hat on. Even with his body bent awkwardly, Jughead’s lower body is walking normally. The soda Jughead is drinking is Cosmo’s Merry Pop. Burp In Your Galaxy Vanilla. Above Jughead a group of red butterflies are flying in the formation of the letter B. Hot Dog is digging a hole, as from behind, a rabbit has dug a hole behind Hot Dog and is eyeing a dog bone at Hot Dog’s side.

Jughead: Ah, there isn’t a better way to start a morning than a small guzzle of soda!

Panel two: Jughead has finished the two liter bottle as he tosses it behind him as it falls towards the rabbit as the rabbit begins to make a grab for Hot Dog’s bone. Jughead turns to his right.

Voice off-panel: Milk, vitamin water, energy drinks, and that’s just off the top of my head!

Jughead: Small head with a big mouth, or best known to my fans as—

Panel three: Jughead turns to see Googie Gilmore leaping over the fence that separates the Jones yard from the Gilmore yard. Googie is wearing a white t-shirt with CLEAN STREET in bold blue lettering. Jughead is not happy to see Googie Gilmore as he looks over at the reader. Walking in front of Googie is the rabbit who has somehow got it’s head stuck in the two liter bottle as it hops around while trying to pull the bottle from its head. Hot Dog finishes burying his bone and is patting the dirt with his wagging tail.

Jughead: --Googie Gilmore!

Jughead: Wow. We’re really doing a story with Googie Gilmore? What’s next, Debbie and Joani?

Caption: You should appreciate that SOMEONE is writing new Jughead stories!!

Page 2

Panel one: Jughead has his arms folded at his chest as he prepares for Googie to lecture him. Googie Gilmore is bending down at the rabbit as it is hopping all around her as it vainly tries to hop the two litter bottle form it’s head.

Jughead: Okay, what is it I’ve done, nutritional nuisance? Too much butter on my roasted peanuts? Took the crust off my mayonnaise sandwiches?

Googie Gilmore: How do you not know?

Panel two: Jughead shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head to his left while Googie Gilmore has the rabbit in her left arm and is using her right hand to pull the soda bottle off of the rabbit’s head. The rabbit is using both of its hind legs to help.

Jughead: A full stomach every second of the day is healthy eating to me.

Panel three: Googie Gilmore lets the rabbit hop down from her arms as she waves the two litter bottle at Jughead’s nose.

Googie Gilmore: It’s unhealthy to drink sodas! Especially a two liter! Do you know how much sugar is in just a serving?! How addictive it is?!

Panel four: Jughead waves Googie off as the rabbit begins to hop up and nearly reaches the two liter soda bottle.

Jughead: That’s propaganda from the vitamin water groups!

Panel five: The rabbit grabs the two liter bottle out of Googie hands to the bewilderment of Jughead and Googie.

Jughead: !!

Goggie: ?!

Panel six: Googie motions towards the rabbit as it is now on its back and is holding the two liter soda bottle with all paws as it happily waits for a single drop of soda to land on his outstretched tongue. Googie is tapping her left thigh with her finger and sneers at Jughead. Jughead grabs at his throat like he is parched, to illustrate thirst.

Jughead: He could just be very thirsty for all you know!

Page 3

Panel one: Googie Gilmore sticks out her chest to show off her shirt as Jughead rolls his eyes.

Googie Gilmore: Everyone should be like me and practice Clean Street.

Jughead: I don’t even half mow my yard muchless pick up litter off the street.

Panel two: Googie Gilmore is going over the concept of Clean Street with a giant smile on her face as she holds up three fingers.

Googie: Jughead, haven’t you heard your body is your temple? Well, the path to that temple is a clean street where you don’t eat candy, you don’t sit around watching TV, and you don’t even sip soft drinks!

Panel three: Jughead waves her off with a smile as he begins to go off on his way to Googie’s aggravation. In the background the rabbit is angrily banging the soda across the fence as he wants a stubborn soda drop to come out. The butterflies are now forming a question mark over the soda bunny.

Jughead: Eh, I’m much happier with my dirty, grungy road leading to my local fast food joint.

Panel four: Googie rushes in front of him as Jughead glares at her. Googie points a finger at Jughead’s nose.

Googie: Listen, Jones. If you lived your life the way I do mine, you’d be in tip top shape!

Googie: No flab! No flubber! There wouldn’t be a day you wouldn’t give yourself a pat on the back.

Panel five: Jughead begins to pat his back as Googie looks on in confusion

Jughead: Good idea.

Googie: ?

Panel six: Jughead burps a massive pink cloud of soda bubble in the shape of a ghost in Googie direction as she cups her hands over her mouth and nose as she looks like she is going to pass out.


Page 4

Panel one: Googie is on her hands and knees as she is coughing and gagging from Jughead’s soda burp. Jughead is going about his day as he holds his hand up to signal goodbye. The rabbit is sitting on the soda bottle his right eye begins to twitch from the soda withdraw.

Googie: Gaah! Arrhh! You--!! My eyes--!! Calories in my corneas!!

Jughead: Well, I’d like to lie and say it was fun, but I’m honest to a fault.

Panel two: Googie begins to stand up and cups her hands over her mouth as she shouts at Jughead so he can hear her loud and clear
Googie: You and your sodas! We’re going to save Riverdale and get rid of those tonics of doom!

Panel three: Jughead turns back to Googie as Googie listens and as her facial expression shows the realization that Jughead is right.

Jughead: We who?  When I look through the orchard that is Riverdale, you’re the only health nut I see in the trees.

Panel four: Googie Gilmore is gritting her teeth as Jughead continues to walk away as he is farther along in the distance. Googie Gilmore shakes a fist in Jughead’s direction that he doesn’t see or bother to acknowledge.

Jughead: Sodas are in our school and everywhere else in Riverdale. If people like Mr. Weatherbee or Mayor Glibb don't care, why should anyone else?

Googie: They will care! I’11 make them care! I’ll clean out the kidneys of Riverdale! You’ll see!

Googie: A new broom will sweep the streets clean! Mark my words!

Panel five: Jughead has his hands in his pockets unconcerned as he continues walking. Googie Gilmore pulling at her hair and biting the collar of her shirt in rage some distance behind him.

Jughead: You understand if I don’t leave the cap off my sharpee, right?

Googie: YARRGGHH!!

Reviews / PTF Reviews Archie's Funhouse Double Digest issue two.
« on: February 21, 2014, 12:55:46 PM »

Yep. Able to pick up another digest and from the new Funhouse Digests, so I figure why not? Same logic I had as a kid when I kept riding my wagon down the hill to crash into the pine tree at the end of the road. I wish I could remember more of my childhood some days...

The Good:

 Reggie. I know that there are a lot of people here who want Reggie to have his own title. Well, this extremely close. This is the most I’ve seen Reggie in any digest I’ve read. He’s one of the main characters in most of the stories and is even in a good chunk of the one page funnies. And it’s Reggie at his best. Last review I mentioned how Reggie was a loser and easily outwitted. In these stories, he’s actually really clever and devious and at his arrogant best. It takes luck, out thinking, and just out lasting through sheer perseverance and outside the box thinking for Archie to come ahead. Reggie in “Race Ace” sums up how his rivalry with Archie should go: “I know where I went wrong—I made the odds one million to one against Archie! –I should have made them a billion to one!” If you’re a Reggie fanboy or girl, then you probably want to buy this digest alone for Reggie because no stinkers and I haven’t read any of these stories before.

Moose. Heck, the big guy gets his own fair chunk of stories and one pagers. The best is easily Who. I gotta be honest, this story probably should be in a lot of Archie fans top ten stories because it is EXTREMELY CLEVER. Written by Doyle and art by Harry Lucy. We all know how most Moose stories go: Someone hits on Midge (normally Reggie) Moose hits them. But for this story there is no word balloons, the story is told in captions, and we don’t see who the victim is. His face is obscure by various objects, his face hidden in shadows, even the caption boxes. A great panel even has a hand pointing and covering up the guy’s face. It’s extremely clever and extremely funny. It’s really hard to tell WHO who is until the end. It’s just amazingly clever and well done. I normally hate stories where everything is told in captions, but it was worked into very story itself in a nice touch.

Vast majority of characters get some story time: You’ve got Dilton, you’ve got Chuck, heck I’ve never seen Coach Kleats get so many stories in a digest. So if you like a larger range of characters than the normal digest who never get much time, then this issue is for you.

Weird stories: You have Archie in an Iceburg buster meeting Bigfoot and a giant octopus, Archie with ESP and Miss Beazley’s leftover lunch turning into a monster and abducting Ethel. So yeah, if you like the weirder (bump bump Mysteries!) stories of Archie you’re in for a treat.

The Art and Writing: Wow. I have no complaints. Everything is top notch. I mean, the only art I think an Archie fan might not like is the one Tim Kennedy (They have it credited as Pat, but since I’m okay with the art, I’m really sure it’s Tim) You have some great stories and art. I really like the cover by Fernando Ruiz. And wow. Nancy gets on the cover! Been awhile.  The writing is great and you have a wide variety.

This is just a double digest? Seriously check out of the size of this sucker. It’s gotta be at least a Double 3/5ths Digest. So more bang for you buck.

The Bad:

Hardly any Jughead. Well, I guess there’s a cost for showcasing more characters. Our favorite glutton isn’t in that many stories. But, to be honest, he does have his own—well, this month he still has his OWN digest title so it’s not too big of a deal in my opinion. But if buy for Jughead, he’s lacking in this issue.

The longer stories. Just a minor grip. You have two full issue stories inside and I think they kind of dragged a bit. You have Archie in Madrid (apparently a multiple parter and this is part two) and the story kind of goes. It’s not bad, but not exciting. I think some stuff going on in the background would have helped for some of the pages. And you have Archie in How did you spend your vacation. It’s told in past tense in caption, I think it would have been better present tense and without the captions. Like I said, minor gripes.

No Fernando Ruiz inside art. Blasphemy! Favorite artist and I gotta make some stuff up to fill the Wrong section.

Yeah, this an easy A. You should buy this issue. There isn’t really much else to say about it. The only question I have is the digest theme. It’s called Funhouse, but honestly this was more of Archie and Friends and—would the Around the World multi-story work best in World of Archie? But it’s not like I expected much to change and the stories and art are great. So why complain?

Things I’ve learned.

1.   What makes Moose different than most people who would kill you? Moose doesn’t care if there are witnesses
2.   You can be an idiot and still have E.S.P. You can also be a Dish subscriber and have ESPN, but no more WWE PPVs.
3.   Riverdale High has an amazing budget as the students are going on a field trip around the world in ten days!
4.   It just takes one night reading the manual to operate the Lodge Berg Buster and to master it.
5.   Softball is surprisingly more physical then I first thought.
6.   Archie is a Gemini and Reggie is a Scorpio. I always had Reggie pegged as a Cancer.
7.   Sadly, only in comics do remote controls make the ZAP sound.
8.   Teen View needs a better screening process
9.   Mr. Lodge may not like Archie’s guitar skills, but Big Foot is a fan.
10.   Never give Archie any chance to win. He will win.

All About Archie / Celebrities who should visit Riverdale.
« on: February 17, 2014, 11:19:52 PM »
What famous person (actor, athlete, ect) would you like to see make a guest appearance in Riverdale?

Me, I've always wanted to see Gordon Ramsey do a Kitchen Nightmare episode at Pop Tate's. :)

Fan Fiction / Jughead in The Valentine's Day Wager.
« on: February 14, 2014, 11:26:46 AM »
Jughead in Valentine’s Day Wager.

Page one:

Panel one: Jughead is entering the Jones Kitchen as his mother is finishing the letter of a cake she has just made. The cake is shaped like a chocolate velvet heart with the words “Happy Valentine’s D” already in place with Mrs. Jones just finishing it up. Mr. Jones has a bouquet of flowers behind his back as he smiles at his wife. Jellybean is looking through various Cosmo The Merry Martian and Pat The Brat Valentines she has received as she is all smiles. Jughead is under the kitchen table, lying on his stomach as he looks at a picture of a poodle in a love glaze. In the background we can see another cake is being baked in the oven and on the nearby kitchen counter is birthday candles and birthday related hats, cups, and plates.

Grey Caption: So you want to wager Valentine’s Day on this guy?

Pink Caption: Yes. I like him.

Mrs. Jones: So, you finally dared to come out? No place to hide from cupid’s arrows or the kisses you’re owed for you birthday.

Jughead: A cake was being baked. Even in my old age, I had to risk it.

Panel two: Jughead is sticking his finger in the icing while his mother is distracted by Mr. Jones presenting her the bouquet of flowers as Mrs. Jones sighs lovingly.

Mr. Jones: Son, this is a great day! The sun is shining and love is in the air.

Jughead: Yeah, yeah, we should really get some tinted windows and air fresheners for that.

Grey Caption: You’re gonna lose!!!

Panel three: Mr. Jones talks with Jughead as Mrs. Jones sniffs her flowers and sighs lovingly. Jughead is licking the icing from his finger.

Mr. Jones: I’ve never seen anyone so grumpy on Valentine’s Day and his birthday at the same time!

Jughead: Yeah, that’s a connection that could use a subtraction.

Page 2

Panel one: Mr. Jones is taking with Jughead as Jughead rolls puts his hands in his pockets as he seems not to be impressed.

Mr. Jones: Come on, Jughead! This day is all about love, you were born, a day dedicated to couples, why this is even the day when—

Jughead: Nothing good is on TV. Only holiday where you can say that honestly.

Panel two: Mr. Jones glares at Jughead as his face begins to turn red. Jughead doesn’t get what upset his father as he continues to talk.

Jughead: Yeah. And that. Too much red. And way too much pink, too…!

Panel three: Jughead is be pushed out the front door by his father as he vainly tries to plant his heels into the carpeted floor to no avail.

Mr. Jones: You’re always a crab on today! Come back later and we’ll have the party all set up.

Jughead: This day is nothing but sappiness and disappointment and corporate holiday card gone amuck!

Page 3

Panel one: Jughead is outside as his father slams the door behind Jughead as Jughead continues to protest as he rubs his stomach.

Jughead: And while I don’t recognize the holiday, I would gladly accept the food!

Jughead’s stomach: I heart food!

Mr. Jones: Just invite your friends over this year!


Panel two: Jughead adjusts his hat as he leaves the Jones drive way. At the end of the driveway we see a rake in the yard that has cobwebs on it from not being used. Even the handle is inscribed to Jughead to further show that Jughead didn’t do much of anything this fall or winter.

Jughead: I hate Valentine’s Day!

Jughead: When guys wear their hearts on their sleeves, that’s when women  drag them through the mud!

Panel three: Jughead darts his head in every direction as he hears voices/ The captions but can’t identify from where.

Grey caption: Hah! That’s right buddy-boy!

Pink caption: Shhh! He’ll hear you! We have to wait for the right moment!

Jughead: Eh?

Panel four: Jughead is walking down the street past a ten year old boy and girl as they are exchanging Valentine’s day gifts: The girl is giving him a card and a toy car while the boy is giving the girl a frog with a pink ribbon on it’s head. In the background, we can see two shadows just beside Jughead that look identical to the stereotypical cupid only one has horns and a devil’s tail. Jughead shrugs his shoulders and continues on his way as he looks over at a confused black cat getting a box of chocolates from a duck in a nearby tree branch.

Jughead: Thought I heard someone talking about me…

Jughead: Then again, with ears like these, what can’t I hear?

Page 4

Panel one: Jughead is approaching Archie’s house as he sees Archie entering his car with Veronica waiting on him as she adjusts the side mirror as she looks over her hair and make-up. Archie is wearing a suit and Veronica is wearing a red dress.

Jughead: Looks like Archie is taking Veronica and me to a shindig. I mean, not even my own best friend would forget his best pal’s—

Panel two: Veronica sees Jughead through the mirror and motions for Archie to quickly get in the car as Archie suddenly looks alert.

Veronica: They Grinch Comes in February! I repeat, The Grinch Comes in February!

Archie: !!

Panel three: Archie quickly dashes into the car and begins to pull out of the drive way just as Jughead is on the sidewalk and ready to enter the Andrews driveway.  It happens in one motion as the car pulls up along side Jughead before Archie and Veronica zoom off up the road.


Archie: SorryJugMeAndRonnieHavePlansSeeYouLaterByeBye!!!

Panel four: Jughead snaps his fingers in frustration as he watches the car zoom off with the exhaust pipe forming small hearts as they go.

Jughead: Knew I shoulda went around the block and snuck in from The Cooper’s residence.

Page 5

Panel one: Jughead tilts his head up as a fragrance of food is going into his nostrils.

Jughead: Speaking off—

Panel two: Jughead is leaping over the fence separating The Andrews and Cooper properties as we can see just over his shoulder and from an open window that Betty has just finished baking a pie.

Jughead: --I think I might have a quick, numerous bite over at Betty’s.

Panel three: Jughead is leaning across the window with his head and shoulders inside of the kitchen and just over the kitchen sink as Betty, wearing oven mittens, an apron reading “Kiss the Cook” with the following stitched in  just after “ARCHIE!!”

Jughead: Hiya, Betty.

Betty: Oh, hi, Jughead!

Jughead: So cooking up a storm?

Betty: I wouldn’t say that.

Panel four: We see further inside of the kitchen to see that Betty has made numerous cakes and pies that cover the kitchen table, the kitchen counters, and some are even on the floor where Carmel is guarding them from a pack of mice who look on hungrily. At the right corner of the kitchen ten bags of floor, multiple boxes of mix, and various other empty ingredient containers are piled up. Various cakes have Archie’s face on them some have ARCHIE LOVES BETTY and one has: SHE MAY BE RICH, BUT I CAN COOK! And has a stick figure of Veronica holding a burnt cake. Betty is cupping her hands as she thinks of Archie. One cake on the table is a mini-wedding cake complete with Archie and Betty wedding figures at the top.

Jughead: Yeah, I say you’re cooking up more of a tropical storm and baking a few more pastries will raise the temperature up enough to turn it into a hurricane.

Betty: A hurricane of love hopefully.

Page 6.

Panel one: Jughead is beginning to lean more inside and grab at a cake as he licks his lips. Betty glares at him angrily.

Jughead: And since Archie snuck off with Veronica and won’t even get a hair out of place, I’ll just have a bite or two and more than two and keep going from there.


Panel two: Betty has grabbed Jughead by his shirt collar and nearly drags him in as she has flames in her eyes.

Betty: I’ve been cooking for him for hours and hours and he’s out on a date with Veronica!!?

Jughead: Speaking of dates, do you know what today is? It’s my—

Panel three: Jughead is being thrown from the window like a lawn dart.


Jughead: Yeah, we’ll talk later!

Panel four: Jughead has landed head first in the Cooper garbage can. Three raccoons are just in front of the trash can. One is wearing a waiter suit while the other two are on a date, one with a pink bow in its hair and the other wearing a baseball cap and suit.

Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s Day! Can nothing go right for me this one day!?

Panel five: Jughead is silent as the raccoons look up at him.

Panel six: Jughead is beginning to eat inside of the trashcan as the dating raccoons protest to the waiter raccoon. The raccoon wearing the baseball cap is pointing at an imaginary watch on his wrist as he uses that to motion he and his date had an appointment.

Jughead: Hey, leftovers!


Page 7

Panel one: Jughead has pulled himself from the trashcan and is walking away as he has stains and a banana peel on his left shoulder as he aimlessly walks away with his hands in his pockets and slouching over. A raccoon with a chef hat is sticking its head out of the trash can and shaking a fist at Jughead as the other raccoons look on.

Jughead: burp

Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s day! All everyone wants to do is hug and kiss and make faces.

Jughead: If it wasn’t for the giant candy bars, I’d have no use for it at all!

Panel two: Jughead turns around as the shadows of the two winged people are now in plan view to just in front of Jughead.

Cupid: Well, I’m here to prove you wrong!

Supid: And I’m here to tell you to keep running down the path you are going and don’t look back!

Panel three: Cupid and Supid are flying over Jughead head as Jughead turns to the reader in disgust. Cupid has blonde hair, a bow and quiver over his right shoulder and wearing his traditional clothing. His wings are at his ankles rather than his back. Supid looks identical except for black hair, red eyes, small devil horns on his forehead, and a small devil’s tail on his back. He has a small trident strapped to his back.

Cupid: Jughead Jones, I, Cupid am here to prove that Valentine’s Day and all it represents is worth keeping.

Supid: And I’m Supid, and I think Valentine’s Day is for suckers who buy ninety cent cards and then go and spend hundreds on gifts and dinner dates!

Cupid and Supid: And we want you to settle our wager!!

Jughead: Why do magical and supernatural beings constantly pester me during holidays?

Caption: David Wise says there is nothing wrong with recycling the same idea over and over as long as you change a few lines.

Page 8

Panel one: Jughead is looking over head as the Cupid and Supid fly towards him. Cupid to his right shoulder and Supid to his left.

Jughead: So you’re Cupid and this guy is—Stupid?

Cupid: Right. Exactly.

Panel two: Supid is yelling at Jughead’s face as Jughead no sells it and has a thought balloon of Reggie over his head as Reggie does kind of look like Supid the way Jughead thinks of him.

Supid: No! I’m Supid! Cupid’s evil brother! Not Stupid, stupid.

Jughead: Yeah, I can tell you’re evil. You remind me of a friend I know.

Panel three: Cupid is talking with Jughead as Jughead squints an eye at him as he can’t believe what Cupid is saying.

Cupid: I’ve chosen you to prove that Valentine’s Day is wonderful and worth having forever.

Jughead: Stares at Cupid in bewilderment. Cupid tilts his head as he wonders what Jughead is staring at.

Cupid: What?

Panel four: Jughead turns to Supid as Supid cups his hands in victory over his head as he pre-celebrates. Cupid begins to fly towards Jughead’s turned face.

Jughead: You’re going to win.

Cupid: Hey! Hey! You have to wait until we show you past events before you make up your mind!

Panel five: The three begin to disappear in a cloud of  white smoke as Supid snaps his fingers.

Supid: And I’m going first.

Cupid: Hey, we drew straws and I won.

Supid: Yeah, that’s about all you’ll be winning today, Sucker.

Fan Fiction / That Wilkin Boy in Yard Work.
« on: February 11, 2014, 12:30:09 AM »
Page 1

Panel one: Bingo Wilkin, in winter coat, hat, mittens, and scarf is sleeping on a hammock tied to two trees that are rapidly dropping leafs on him and the yard as his father, wearing a long winter coat and old fashion winter hat, looks on with aversion. Nearby is the fence separating the Wilkin property from the Smythe property. Nailed on the fence is a sign reading NO LEANING! Leaning against the fence is a rake.

Mr. Wilkin: Bingo, how can you possibly sleep out here during a cold winter day?

Bingo: My hammock is comfy and when you’re asleep, you don’t have to worry about being cold.

Panel two: Mr. Wilkin begins to pull Bingo up from the hammock while he dusts the leaves of a startled Bingo.

Mr. Wilkin: You should worry about pleasing your father eyes shut or open!

Bingo: Like how? There’s nothing to do.

Panel three: A high angle view as Mr. Wilkin motions towards the entire backyard as it is covered in multicolored fallen leafs. From the backdoor we can see an extension cord run from inside the house to Rebel’s nearby dog house where he is lying on his stomach and watching TV over a cup of hot coco. Bingo looks at the yard as he stretches one arm and pulls the other one behind his back as he straightens his back out.

Mr. Wilkin: Nothing? What do you call this? Fallen leafs in a yard is nature’s litter son!

Bingo: Won’t the wind just blow the leafs away eventually?

Page 2

Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is pointing at the rake by the fence as Bingo follows along with his eyes.

Mr. Wilkin: True, but you’ll be raking leafs and we’ll have a clean yard immediately.

Panel two: Bingo is picking up the rake as his father looks over at the Smythe yard as it is barren of a single leaf and looks perfect. In the Smythe backyard a few bar bells are left along with a truck tire and sledgehammer that has been broken in half.

Mr. Wilkin: The worst thing than Sampson having a cleaner yard is having to listen to that Neanderthal brag about it nonstop!

Panel three: Bingo is pointing over at the Smythe house as Mr. Wilkin waves the idea off like an NFL would motion for a missed field goal.

Bingo: Can I ask Samantha to help?

Mr. Wilkin: No way! You’ll be distracted from work! Like last summer!

Panel four: Bingo has a thought balloon of himself kissing Samantha on knee high grass as he smiles at the memory. Mr. Wilkin rolls his eyes and motions up to the sky in a “why me lord” hand motion as he has a thought balloon of himself straining to mow the grass with a push lawnmower as Bingo kissing Samantha is in the background of his though balloon.

Bingo: The grass got cut somehow.

Page 3

Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is going inside the house as Bingo begins to angrily rake leafs.

Mr. Wilkin: Just get to work! And I just want to see green by the time I come back to check on you!

Panel two: Bingo is raking up  some leafs just in front of the trees as he begins to clear a path were you can see grass from underneath the leaves.

Panel three: Bingo looks on as the wind blows and several leafs fall off the trees and begin to undo his work. Some leafs land in the body imprint he left on his hammock.

Panel four: Bingo is leaning forward against the rake as he eyes the trees as they are still filled with multi-colored leaves and a few are already beginning to fall even now.

Bingo: Come to think, even when I get the leaves piled up, these old trees are just going to drop even more leafs down and I’m going to have to start all over again.

Panel five: Bingo is still looking up at the trees as a giant gust of wind begins to blow.

Bingo: Too bad I just can’t make all the leafs fall and be done with it.

Panel six: A high angle view from above the tree as the wind blows off several more leafs as they toss and turn in the spiraling winds. Bingo has a light bulb over his head as he has come up with an idea. Rebel is lying on top of his dog house ala Snoopy, but is clutching his lower back.

Bingo: Actually this wind gives me an idea…

Rebel: I don’t get how my cousin sleeps like this!!

Page 4

Panel one: Bingo is now holding a massive red and purple leaf blower—The BIG BLOW HARD 3000 2.0—as he is looking at the dials on the control panel as he points the nozzle up at the trees.

Caption: A quick hop, skip and rummage through the garage later…

Bingo: Dad’s new leaf blower is what I need. I’ll just blow the leafs off the tree now, rake all the leafs up, and be done with it all.

Panel two: Bingo is moving the dial past OFF, LOW, HIGH, SUPER HIGH, and onto HURRICANE MAKER.

Bingo: Yeah, that should be just about what I’ll need…

Panel three: The Big Blow Hard begins to shake and rumble as Bingo points the nozzle up at the trees.

Bingo: Looks like it’s getting warmed up and in just a few seconds all my problems will be solved..!

Panel four: Bingo is losing control of The Big Blow Hard as he is being thrown into the air as leaves are circling everywhere. One leaf is seemingly pressed against the left corner of the panel to show how big a wind The Blow Hard is generating. Rebel is clinging onto his dog house for dear life and still the dog house is being ripped off it's foundations.


All About Archie / Would this work as an Archie event?
« on: January 26, 2014, 11:45:32 AM »
A bad guy month. Where each main title would have it's main story being one of the protagonists rivals. For Archie, Reggie would be the star. For Betty and Veronica, Cheryl would be the star for Kevin Keller...


Um, maybe just to avoid problems have Devon be the star.

I just thought it might be something that could be fun for a month.

Fan Fiction / That Wilkin Boy has a Dentist Appointment.
« on: January 21, 2014, 11:38:00 PM »
Page one:

Panel one: The setting is the Wilkin kitchen as Bingo is sitting at the kitchen table, his elbow on the table and his left face cheek in his palm as his head is titled to see that he has a swollen jaw caused by a tooth. Mrs. Wilkin is walking away from the oven where she has prepared macaroni and cheese and is bring Bingo a plate. On a nearby counter, several mice look on enviously. The nearby refrigerator is decorated with small letter magnets spelling out Wilkin with an S as far away from the N. A list is held in place by a magnet of Cosmo The Merry Martian. The list reads: 1. Pick up Uncle Herman from Older League Practice. 2. Avoid The Annoying Gorilla Next Door. 3. Hawaiian Shirts. NEED MORE!

Bingo No thanks, Mom—I’m not that hungry.

Mrs. Wilkin: Not that hungry or can’t eat because you still have a toothache?

Panel two: Bingo’s eyes go wide as he reaches for a glass of ice that his mother is handing him as she looks down at him with confidence that this will prove that he has a toothache and needs to see the dentist.

Mrs. Wilkin: Okay. If you can chew this ice, then I will admit I was wrong and never bring the subject up again.

Bingo: Fair enough…

Panel three: Bingo begins to chew the ice slowly.

Panel four: Bingo’s eyes light up and his face distorts as pain is going into every nerve in his body and even his hair by the way it is standing up.

Panel five: Bingo let’s out a giant scream of pain as bits of ice erupt from his mouth as his mother is on her cellphone and begins to punch in numbers.


Mrs. Wilkin: And that’s that. You’re going to see the dentist!

Page 2

Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is talking on the cellphone as Bingo is holding his right face cheek as he is jumping up and down on one foot in pain as he uses his free hand to motion for his mom to stop.

Mrs. Wilkin: Hello, yes, this is Wilma Wilkins…yes, it has been awhile—I would like to make an appoint for my son Bingo to meet with Dr. Preston—

Panel two: Bingo has calmed down as he listens to his mother.

Mrs. Wilkin: Oh…Dr. Preston has retired?...

Panel three: Bingo is jumping up and down in joy as Mrs. Wilkin continues to talk as she rolls her eyes to watch Bingo.

Mrs. Wilkin: I see…well, good for him…uh-huh….

Panel four: Bingo stops celebrating as his mother continues to talk on the phone as she turns her head away from Bingo.

Mrs. Wilkin: Yes. She’ll be just fine. Tomorrow at two. Perfect! Thank you!

Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin turns to talk to Bingo who as crumpled to the ground in utter despair.

Mrs. Wilkin: Isn’t that nice? Dr. Preston has retired, but his daughter has taken over his practice.

Bingo: Super duper.

Page 3

Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is pulling Bingo up to his feet as she becomes stern with him. Bingo winces as his tooth begins to throb.

Mrs. Wilkin: Come now, Bingo! You’re a young man! You should not be afraid of the dentist!

Bingo: grrroaann

Panel two: Bingo replies to his mother as she slightly blushes.

Bingo: You’re afraid of insects and baby mice.

Mrs. Wilkin: Er, well that’s different…

Panel three: Bingo opens up his mouth wide and uses a finger to act like a scalpel to illustrate his point.

Bingo: Yeah! I’m afraid of someone with sharp instruments of optimal sharpiness jabbing the inside of my mouth to mush!

Panel four: Mrs. Wilkin glares at Bingo and begins to lay down the law as he looks away as he tries to think of a way out of this situation.

Mrs. Wilkin: This is not open to discussion!! I’m your mother! I say you go to the dentist tomorrow at two! End of story!

Bingo: I don’t like horror stories….

Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin begins to walk away as Bingo has a slight smile on his face and rolls his eyes coyly to the reader.

Mrs. Wilkin: And I trust you to go there without me holding your hand!

Bingo: Not a problem.

Page 4

Panel one: Bingo, still sporting a swollen jaw, is walking down a street with Samantha. They are holding hands as they go. Billy Drumhead (trading in his hippy attire, sans hat, for a leather jacket and red shirt) and Zelda are walking past them with Billy tipping his hat to Bingo. Zelda looks at Samantha mischievously as if she knows something is up. A nearby store reading SIGNS-A-PLENTY is just in front of the couple. On display is a sign of a giant clock pointed at five with a banner reading: Miraculous. Right Twice of the Day!

Caption: Around 1:45

Bingo: --I’m telling you Samantha, catching one of these early afternoon shows is a great idea.

Samantha: I’m sure it is.

Panel two: Bingo begins to look around as Samantha begins to lead him by his hand towards a turn in the street.

Bingo: Hey, are you sure this is a short cut, Sam? Because if we had just walked the old standard route—

Samantha: Trust me, honey.

Panel three: Bingo has a look of shock on his face as he turns the corner. Samantha is all smiles as she pulls Bingo along.

Bingo: !!!

Panel four: Samantha and Bingo are standing in front of a dentist office called Preston Picking Teeth Dentistry. A small boy is coming out of the office with his mother with a giant lollipop and a toothbrush and toothpaste in his other hand as he merrily skips away. In the window is a cartoon Tooth with giant eyes and giant smile. Samantha is standing out in the street like a Price is Right showcase model as Bingo glares at Samantha.

Samantha: Tee-Hee. Your mom gave me the 411.

Bingo: I trusted you!!

Bingo: Cousin Jughead was right all along!! All girls are deceitful!!

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