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Topics - PTF
« on: February 14, 2014, 11:26:46 AM »
Jughead in Valentine’s Day Wager.
Panel one: Jughead is entering the Jones Kitchen as his mother is finishing the letter of a cake she has just made. The cake is shaped like a chocolate velvet heart with the words “Happy Valentine’s D” already in place with Mrs. Jones just finishing it up. Mr. Jones has a bouquet of flowers behind his back as he smiles at his wife. Jellybean is looking through various Cosmo The Merry Martian and Pat The Brat Valentines she has received as she is all smiles. Jughead is under the kitchen table, lying on his stomach as he looks at a picture of a poodle in a love glaze. In the background we can see another cake is being baked in the oven and on the nearby kitchen counter is birthday candles and birthday related hats, cups, and plates.
Grey Caption: So you want to wager Valentine’s Day on this guy?
Pink Caption: Yes. I like him.
Mrs. Jones: So, you finally dared to come out? No place to hide from cupid’s arrows or the kisses you’re owed for you birthday.
Jughead: A cake was being baked. Even in my old age, I had to risk it.
Panel two: Jughead is sticking his finger in the icing while his mother is distracted by Mr. Jones presenting her the bouquet of flowers as Mrs. Jones sighs lovingly.
Mr. Jones: Son, this is a great day! The sun is shining and love is in the air.
Jughead: Yeah, yeah, we should really get some tinted windows and air fresheners for that.
Grey Caption: You’re gonna lose!!!
Panel three: Mr. Jones talks with Jughead as Mrs. Jones sniffs her flowers and sighs lovingly. Jughead is licking the icing from his finger.
Mr. Jones: I’ve never seen anyone so grumpy on Valentine’s Day and his birthday at the same time!
Jughead: Yeah, that’s a connection that could use a subtraction.
Panel one: Mr. Jones is taking with Jughead as Jughead rolls puts his hands in his pockets as he seems not to be impressed.
Mr. Jones: Come on, Jughead! This day is all about love, you were born, a day dedicated to couples, why this is even the day when—
Jughead: Nothing good is on TV. Only holiday where you can say that honestly.
Panel two: Mr. Jones glares at Jughead as his face begins to turn red. Jughead doesn’t get what upset his father as he continues to talk.
Jughead: Yeah. And that. Too much red. And way too much pink, too…!
Panel three: Jughead is be pushed out the front door by his father as he vainly tries to plant his heels into the carpeted floor to no avail.
Mr. Jones: You’re always a crab on today! Come back later and we’ll have the party all set up.
Jughead: This day is nothing but sappiness and disappointment and corporate holiday card gone amuck!
Panel one: Jughead is outside as his father slams the door behind Jughead as Jughead continues to protest as he rubs his stomach.
Jughead: And while I don’t recognize the holiday, I would gladly accept the food!
Jughead’s stomach: I heart food!
Mr. Jones: Just invite your friends over this year!
Panel two: Jughead adjusts his hat as he leaves the Jones drive way. At the end of the driveway we see a rake in the yard that has cobwebs on it from not being used. Even the handle is inscribed to Jughead to further show that Jughead didn’t do much of anything this fall or winter.
Jughead: I hate Valentine’s Day!
Jughead: When guys wear their hearts on their sleeves, that’s when women drag them through the mud!
Panel three: Jughead darts his head in every direction as he hears voices/ The captions but can’t identify from where.
Grey caption: Hah! That’s right buddy-boy!
Pink caption: Shhh! He’ll hear you! We have to wait for the right moment!
Panel four: Jughead is walking down the street past a ten year old boy and girl as they are exchanging Valentine’s day gifts: The girl is giving him a card and a toy car while the boy is giving the girl a frog with a pink ribbon on it’s head. In the background, we can see two shadows just beside Jughead that look identical to the stereotypical cupid only one has horns and a devil’s tail. Jughead shrugs his shoulders and continues on his way as he looks over at a confused black cat getting a box of chocolates from a duck in a nearby tree branch.
Jughead: Thought I heard someone talking about me…
Jughead: Then again, with ears like these, what can’t I hear?
Panel one: Jughead is approaching Archie’s house as he sees Archie entering his car with Veronica waiting on him as she adjusts the side mirror as she looks over her hair and make-up. Archie is wearing a suit and Veronica is wearing a red dress.
Jughead: Looks like Archie is taking Veronica and me to a shindig. I mean, not even my own best friend would forget his best pal’s—
Panel two: Veronica sees Jughead through the mirror and motions for Archie to quickly get in the car as Archie suddenly looks alert.
Veronica: They Grinch Comes in February! I repeat, The Grinch Comes in February!
Panel three: Archie quickly dashes into the car and begins to pull out of the drive way just as Jughead is on the sidewalk and ready to enter the Andrews driveway. It happens in one motion as the car pulls up along side Jughead before Archie and Veronica zoom off up the road.
Panel four: Jughead snaps his fingers in frustration as he watches the car zoom off with the exhaust pipe forming small hearts as they go.
Jughead: Knew I shoulda went around the block and snuck in from The Cooper’s residence.
Panel one: Jughead tilts his head up as a fragrance of food is going into his nostrils.
Jughead: Speaking off—
Panel two: Jughead is leaping over the fence separating The Andrews and Cooper properties as we can see just over his shoulder and from an open window that Betty has just finished baking a pie.
Jughead: --I think I might have a quick, numerous bite over at Betty’s.
Panel three: Jughead is leaning across the window with his head and shoulders inside of the kitchen and just over the kitchen sink as Betty, wearing oven mittens, an apron reading “Kiss the Cook” with the following stitched in just after “ARCHIE!!”
Jughead: Hiya, Betty.
Betty: Oh, hi, Jughead!
Jughead: So cooking up a storm?
Betty: I wouldn’t say that.
Panel four: We see further inside of the kitchen to see that Betty has made numerous cakes and pies that cover the kitchen table, the kitchen counters, and some are even on the floor where Carmel is guarding them from a pack of mice who look on hungrily. At the right corner of the kitchen ten bags of floor, multiple boxes of mix, and various other empty ingredient containers are piled up. Various cakes have Archie’s face on them some have ARCHIE LOVES BETTY and one has: SHE MAY BE RICH, BUT I CAN COOK! And has a stick figure of Veronica holding a burnt cake. Betty is cupping her hands as she thinks of Archie. One cake on the table is a mini-wedding cake complete with Archie and Betty wedding figures at the top.
Jughead: Yeah, I say you’re cooking up more of a tropical storm and baking a few more pastries will raise the temperature up enough to turn it into a hurricane.
Betty: A hurricane of love hopefully.
Panel one: Jughead is beginning to lean more inside and grab at a cake as he licks his lips. Betty glares at him angrily.
Jughead: And since Archie snuck off with Veronica and won’t even get a hair out of place, I’ll just have a bite or two and more than two and keep going from there.
Panel two: Betty has grabbed Jughead by his shirt collar and nearly drags him in as she has flames in her eyes.
Betty: I’ve been cooking for him for hours and hours and he’s out on a date with Veronica!!?
Jughead: Speaking of dates, do you know what today is? It’s my—
Panel three: Jughead is being thrown from the window like a lawn dart.
Jughead: Yeah, we’ll talk later!
Panel four: Jughead has landed head first in the Cooper garbage can. Three raccoons are just in front of the trash can. One is wearing a waiter suit while the other two are on a date, one with a pink bow in its hair and the other wearing a baseball cap and suit.
Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s Day! Can nothing go right for me this one day!?
Panel five: Jughead is silent as the raccoons look up at him.
Panel six: Jughead is beginning to eat inside of the trashcan as the dating raccoons protest to the waiter raccoon. The raccoon wearing the baseball cap is pointing at an imaginary watch on his wrist as he uses that to motion he and his date had an appointment.
Jughead: Hey, leftovers!
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
Panel one: Jughead has pulled himself from the trashcan and is walking away as he has stains and a banana peel on his left shoulder as he aimlessly walks away with his hands in his pockets and slouching over. A raccoon with a chef hat is sticking its head out of the trash can and shaking a fist at Jughead as the other raccoons look on.
Jughead: Stupid Valentine’s day! All everyone wants to do is hug and kiss and make faces.
Jughead: If it wasn’t for the giant candy bars, I’d have no use for it at all!
Panel two: Jughead turns around as the shadows of the two winged people are now in plan view to just in front of Jughead.
Cupid: Well, I’m here to prove you wrong!
Supid: And I’m here to tell you to keep running down the path you are going and don’t look back!
Panel three: Cupid and Supid are flying over Jughead head as Jughead turns to the reader in disgust. Cupid has blonde hair, a bow and quiver over his right shoulder and wearing his traditional clothing. His wings are at his ankles rather than his back. Supid looks identical except for black hair, red eyes, small devil horns on his forehead, and a small devil’s tail on his back. He has a small trident strapped to his back.
Cupid: Jughead Jones, I, Cupid am here to prove that Valentine’s Day and all it represents is worth keeping.
Supid: And I’m Supid, and I think Valentine’s Day is for suckers who buy ninety cent cards and then go and spend hundreds on gifts and dinner dates!
Cupid and Supid: And we want you to settle our wager!!
Jughead: Why do magical and supernatural beings constantly pester me during holidays?
Caption: David Wise says there is nothing wrong with recycling the same idea over and over as long as you change a few lines.
Panel one: Jughead is looking over head as the Cupid and Supid fly towards him. Cupid to his right shoulder and Supid to his left.
Jughead: So you’re Cupid and this guy is—Stupid?
Cupid: Right. Exactly.
Panel two: Supid is yelling at Jughead’s face as Jughead no sells it and has a thought balloon of Reggie over his head as Reggie does kind of look like Supid the way Jughead thinks of him.
Supid: No! I’m Supid! Cupid’s evil brother! Not Stupid, stupid.
Jughead: Yeah, I can tell you’re evil. You remind me of a friend I know.
Panel three: Cupid is talking with Jughead as Jughead squints an eye at him as he can’t believe what Cupid is saying.
Cupid: I’ve chosen you to prove that Valentine’s Day is wonderful and worth having forever.
Jughead: Stares at Cupid in bewilderment. Cupid tilts his head as he wonders what Jughead is staring at.
Panel four: Jughead turns to Supid as Supid cups his hands in victory over his head as he pre-celebrates. Cupid begins to fly towards Jughead’s turned face.
Jughead: You’re going to win.
Cupid: Hey! Hey! You have to wait until we show you past events before you make up your mind!
Panel five: The three begin to disappear in a cloud of white smoke as Supid snaps his fingers.
Supid: And I’m going first.
Cupid: Hey, we drew straws and I won.
Supid: Yeah, that’s about all you’ll be winning today, Sucker.
« on: February 11, 2014, 12:30:09 AM »
Panel one: Bingo Wilkin, in winter coat, hat, mittens, and scarf is sleeping on a hammock tied to two trees that are rapidly dropping leafs on him and the yard as his father, wearing a long winter coat and old fashion winter hat, looks on with aversion. Nearby is the fence separating the Wilkin property from the Smythe property. Nailed on the fence is a sign reading NO LEANING! Leaning against the fence is a rake.
Mr. Wilkin: Bingo, how can you possibly sleep out here during a cold winter day?
Bingo: My hammock is comfy and when you’re asleep, you don’t have to worry about being cold.
Panel two: Mr. Wilkin begins to pull Bingo up from the hammock while he dusts the leaves of a startled Bingo.
Mr. Wilkin: You should worry about pleasing your father eyes shut or open!
Bingo: Like how? There’s nothing to do.
Panel three: A high angle view as Mr. Wilkin motions towards the entire backyard as it is covered in multicolored fallen leafs. From the backdoor we can see an extension cord run from inside the house to Rebel’s nearby dog house where he is lying on his stomach and watching TV over a cup of hot coco. Bingo looks at the yard as he stretches one arm and pulls the other one behind his back as he straightens his back out.
Mr. Wilkin: Nothing? What do you call this? Fallen leafs in a yard is nature’s litter son!
Bingo: Won’t the wind just blow the leafs away eventually?
Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is pointing at the rake by the fence as Bingo follows along with his eyes.
Mr. Wilkin: True, but you’ll be raking leafs and we’ll have a clean yard immediately.
Panel two: Bingo is picking up the rake as his father looks over at the Smythe yard as it is barren of a single leaf and looks perfect. In the Smythe backyard a few bar bells are left along with a truck tire and sledgehammer that has been broken in half.
Mr. Wilkin: The worst thing than Sampson having a cleaner yard is having to listen to that Neanderthal brag about it nonstop!
Panel three: Bingo is pointing over at the Smythe house as Mr. Wilkin waves the idea off like an NFL would motion for a missed field goal.
Bingo: Can I ask Samantha to help?
Mr. Wilkin: No way! You’ll be distracted from work! Like last summer!
Panel four: Bingo has a thought balloon of himself kissing Samantha on knee high grass as he smiles at the memory. Mr. Wilkin rolls his eyes and motions up to the sky in a “why me lord” hand motion as he has a thought balloon of himself straining to mow the grass with a push lawnmower as Bingo kissing Samantha is in the background of his though balloon.
Bingo: The grass got cut somehow.
Panel one: Mr. Wilkin is going inside the house as Bingo begins to angrily rake leafs.
Mr. Wilkin: Just get to work! And I just want to see green by the time I come back to check on you!
Panel two: Bingo is raking up some leafs just in front of the trees as he begins to clear a path were you can see grass from underneath the leaves.
Panel three: Bingo looks on as the wind blows and several leafs fall off the trees and begin to undo his work. Some leafs land in the body imprint he left on his hammock.
Panel four: Bingo is leaning forward against the rake as he eyes the trees as they are still filled with multi-colored leaves and a few are already beginning to fall even now.
Bingo: Come to think, even when I get the leaves piled up, these old trees are just going to drop even more leafs down and I’m going to have to start all over again.
Panel five: Bingo is still looking up at the trees as a giant gust of wind begins to blow.
Bingo: Too bad I just can’t make all the leafs fall and be done with it.
Panel six: A high angle view from above the tree as the wind blows off several more leafs as they toss and turn in the spiraling winds. Bingo has a light bulb over his head as he has come up with an idea. Rebel is lying on top of his dog house ala Snoopy, but is clutching his lower back.
Bingo: Actually this wind gives me an idea…
Rebel: I don’t get how my cousin sleeps like this!!
Panel one: Bingo is now holding a massive red and purple leaf blower—The BIG BLOW HARD 3000 2.0—as he is looking at the dials on the control panel as he points the nozzle up at the trees.
Caption: A quick hop, skip and rummage through the garage later…
Bingo: Dad’s new leaf blower is what I need. I’ll just blow the leafs off the tree now, rake all the leafs up, and be done with it all.
Panel two: Bingo is moving the dial past OFF, LOW, HIGH, SUPER HIGH, and onto HURRICANE MAKER.
Bingo: Yeah, that should be just about what I’ll need…
Panel three: The Big Blow Hard begins to shake and rumble as Bingo points the nozzle up at the trees.
Bingo: Looks like it’s getting warmed up and in just a few seconds all my problems will be solved..!
Panel four: Bingo is losing control of The Big Blow Hard as he is being thrown into the air as leaves are circling everywhere. One leaf is seemingly pressed against the left corner of the panel to show how big a wind The Blow Hard is generating. Rebel is clinging onto his dog house for dear life and still the dog house is being ripped off it's foundations.
Bingo: NEW PROBLEM! NEW PROBLEM!
« on: January 26, 2014, 11:45:32 AM »
A bad guy month. Where each main title would have it's main story being one of the protagonists rivals. For Archie, Reggie would be the star. For Betty and Veronica, Cheryl would be the star for Kevin Keller...
Um, maybe just to avoid problems have Devon be the star.
I just thought it might be something that could be fun for a month.
« on: January 21, 2014, 11:38:00 PM »
Panel one: The setting is the Wilkin kitchen as Bingo is sitting at the kitchen table, his elbow on the table and his left face cheek in his palm as his head is titled to see that he has a swollen jaw caused by a tooth. Mrs. Wilkin is walking away from the oven where she has prepared macaroni and cheese and is bring Bingo a plate. On a nearby counter, several mice look on enviously. The nearby refrigerator is decorated with small letter magnets spelling out Wilkin with an S as far away from the N. A list is held in place by a magnet of Cosmo The Merry Martian. The list reads: 1. Pick up Uncle Herman from Older League Practice. 2. Avoid The Annoying Gorilla Next Door. 3. Hawaiian Shirts. NEED MORE!
Bingo No thanks, Mom—I’m not that hungry.
Mrs. Wilkin: Not that hungry or can’t eat because you still have a toothache?
Panel two: Bingo’s eyes go wide as he reaches for a glass of ice that his mother is handing him as she looks down at him with confidence that this will prove that he has a toothache and needs to see the dentist.
Mrs. Wilkin: Okay. If you can chew this ice, then I will admit I was wrong and never bring the subject up again.
Bingo: Fair enough…
Panel three: Bingo begins to chew the ice slowly.
Panel four: Bingo’s eyes light up and his face distorts as pain is going into every nerve in his body and even his hair by the way it is standing up.
Panel five: Bingo let’s out a giant scream of pain as bits of ice erupt from his mouth as his mother is on her cellphone and begins to punch in numbers.
Mrs. Wilkin: And that’s that. You’re going to see the dentist!
Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is talking on the cellphone as Bingo is holding his right face cheek as he is jumping up and down on one foot in pain as he uses his free hand to motion for his mom to stop.
Mrs. Wilkin: Hello, yes, this is Wilma Wilkins…yes, it has been awhile—I would like to make an appoint for my son Bingo to meet with Dr. Preston—
Panel two: Bingo has calmed down as he listens to his mother.
Mrs. Wilkin: Oh…Dr. Preston has retired?...
Panel three: Bingo is jumping up and down in joy as Mrs. Wilkin continues to talk as she rolls her eyes to watch Bingo.
Mrs. Wilkin: I see…well, good for him…uh-huh….
Panel four: Bingo stops celebrating as his mother continues to talk on the phone as she turns her head away from Bingo.
Mrs. Wilkin: Yes. She’ll be just fine. Tomorrow at two. Perfect! Thank you!
Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin turns to talk to Bingo who as crumpled to the ground in utter despair.
Mrs. Wilkin: Isn’t that nice? Dr. Preston has retired, but his daughter has taken over his practice.
Bingo: Super duper.
Panel one: Mrs. Wilkin is pulling Bingo up to his feet as she becomes stern with him. Bingo winces as his tooth begins to throb.
Mrs. Wilkin: Come now, Bingo! You’re a young man! You should not be afraid of the dentist!
Panel two: Bingo replies to his mother as she slightly blushes.
Bingo: You’re afraid of insects and baby mice.
Mrs. Wilkin: Er, well that’s different…
Panel three: Bingo opens up his mouth wide and uses a finger to act like a scalpel to illustrate his point.
Bingo: Yeah! I’m afraid of someone with sharp instruments of optimal sharpiness jabbing the inside of my mouth to mush!
Panel four: Mrs. Wilkin glares at Bingo and begins to lay down the law as he looks away as he tries to think of a way out of this situation.
Mrs. Wilkin: This is not open to discussion!! I’m your mother! I say you go to the dentist tomorrow at two! End of story!
Bingo: I don’t like horror stories….
Panel five: Mrs. Wilkin begins to walk away as Bingo has a slight smile on his face and rolls his eyes coyly to the reader.
Mrs. Wilkin: And I trust you to go there without me holding your hand!
Bingo: Not a problem.
Panel one: Bingo, still sporting a swollen jaw, is walking down a street with Samantha. They are holding hands as they go. Billy Drumhead (trading in his hippy attire, sans hat, for a leather jacket and red shirt) and Zelda are walking past them with Billy tipping his hat to Bingo. Zelda looks at Samantha mischievously as if she knows something is up. A nearby store reading SIGNS-A-PLENTY is just in front of the couple. On display is a sign of a giant clock pointed at five with a banner reading: Miraculous. Right Twice of the Day!
Caption: Around 1:45
Bingo: --I’m telling you Samantha, catching one of these early afternoon shows is a great idea.
Samantha: I’m sure it is.
Panel two: Bingo begins to look around as Samantha begins to lead him by his hand towards a turn in the street.
Bingo: Hey, are you sure this is a short cut, Sam? Because if we had just walked the old standard route—
Samantha: Trust me, honey.
Panel three: Bingo has a look of shock on his face as he turns the corner. Samantha is all smiles as she pulls Bingo along.
Panel four: Samantha and Bingo are standing in front of a dentist office called Preston Picking Teeth Dentistry. A small boy is coming out of the office with his mother with a giant lollipop and a toothbrush and toothpaste in his other hand as he merrily skips away. In the window is a cartoon Tooth with giant eyes and giant smile. Samantha is standing out in the street like a Price is Right showcase model as Bingo glares at Samantha.
Samantha: Tee-Hee. Your mom gave me the 411.
Bingo: I trusted you!!
Bingo: Cousin Jughead was right all along!! All girls are deceitful!!
« on: January 19, 2014, 11:46:11 PM »
Reviewing the Archie Forums Award Winning Jughead Double Digest…that in two months will be canceled, and changed to Jughead and Archie. I guess, if you’re a low selling Archie comic, you’d better star Kevin Keller or else. I kid, I kid.
1. Boldman and Lindsey. Man, reviewing Jughead Double digest is easy. I automatically know what two good things are. Boldman and Lindsey bring us a few great stories. Ever wonder about the people who moved into Jughead’s old house? We get a fun nightmare story with Jughead violating the fridge permit, Jughead substituting for an out of town Archie (Think Bugs Bunny filling in for the Road Runner), Dilton taking a page out of Trula Twyst’s playbook with his and Jughead’s science project, and the wonders of a thermos bottle. All the characters are written wonderfully and the art is amazing (especially the ground beef and butter fly.) The only bad thing I can really say is that one story has Jughead’s mom drawn like Jughead. Brrr
2. Samm Schwartz. And the other think I can count on being good. Again, you have great classic Jughead art. And, lest we forget he does his letterings too, he adds a nice touch to one story where a motion wave is going through a word balloon as his hat is snatched from him. It’s little things that bring a story out. And let’s not forget Doyle and Gladir pen some great stories involving Jughead predicting the weather, why Jughead doesn’t dress up, hat swaps, and a few others. Lots of good Schwartz stories, so if you’re a fan (and you know you are) you’ll be happy.
3. Archie. I know a lot of people who don’t like Archie, and honestly, I think I can see why with the newer stories because—we’ll he’s a jerk. But you have two stories that I think really capture the character. The first “Ski-Cart Catastrophe” has Archie building a ski-cart and trying it out. Just a great combination of naiveté and inventiveness mixed with bad planning and stupidity. And “Treasure Hunt” has Archie having to resort to combing the beach for money, finds a locket, does the right thing in trying to find the owner and gets rewarded—boy does he get rewarded! That’s the Archie I think most people like, a guy who has to work hard, not hardly a dime to his name between dating and Jughead, be inventive and while he seems to attract women, he has an innocence about him.
4. That Wilkin Boy. Two great stories. One about a May-September romance and Sampson’s reaction to it and a cute story where Bingo quickly realizes to pick his fights. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m kinda taking Sampson’s side in a lot of these stories. Thinks a old guy is dating his daughter, prepare to be hit with a wooden chair. That’s good parenting!
5 Nate Butler. I actually like the story in “Femme Fatale” of women actually rewarding Jughead—but the art again! Still, I’ll be nice because the story is pretty good, and we’re only one issue from the end—I’m going to put him in the good column!
1. Time Police. Honestly, I’m kind of mixed on the series. I think it’s a good idea, but wasn’t executed properly. Jughead is way to active and seems a lot out of character. But good writing and great art half the time pulls it though…unless we get to the other half of the art that is bad. In other words: Rex Lindsey good…anyone else bad. And this a rare story where I thought Rich “gonna kill me spell check” Margopoulos wrote a pretty boring and confusing story.
2. No Ethel or Trula stories. I don’t know, I just think that they should at least have one in a digest. Y’know, supporting characters outside of Archie and the gang. Actually, a Trula story would be nice, it's been a while.
3. “Prints of Wail” Pretty boring story. I mean, Reggie’s stock is real low where you actually have the characters pretty much pointing out how lame he is and then boriningly outwitting him. It’s no fun when everyone openly acknowledges Reggie is predictable and a loser. And the art is by Stan Goldberg past his great phase and nearing his...not good art timeline.
Again, like I’ve stated before, it’s really hard to have a horrible Jughead double digest when you have creators who did constant great work. There are a few stories. The Time Police story really hurts the grade because it is a full issue story (meaning you could have had three to four better stories), and it’s boring. Hey, I’ll take a bad story over a boring one any day. At least, I’ll talk about it. I didn’t even want to go over Time Police because I’d have to look back and be fair. Yep. Still boring. Still, I’d give this digest a B.
What I learned.
1. The ski-cart is not a good idea—at least until you provide steering or brakes.
2. Riverdale has the cheapest coffee.
3. Col. Pickens is as big a lie as Jebediah Springfield…only with more time travel and less attempted murder of presidents.
4. Feng Shui remains in house even when past tenants move out.
5. Jughead’s dart board controls the weather in Riverdale
6. If you’re poor person who just bought a great toy, assume that a rich person will also have the same great toy.
7. Someone needs to smack Dilton’s annoying cousin as hard as they can!!!
8. Cupid Incorporated established and closed the same afternoon
9. Jellybean’s favorite baby food is strained pizza with anchovies.
10. Lollipops = Good. Ties = Bad.
« on: January 10, 2014, 09:00:34 PM »
Which one of these would you rather have to endure?
1. Having to eat as much food as Jughead does in a day or being chased around town by Big Ethel
2. Having to spend a day walking next to Jinx Malloy or being Reggie's prime target on April Fool's Day.
3. Having to pay for one of Veronica's expensive dates or being thrown out of Lodge Manson three times.
4. Taking a Moose beating (Like Reggie) or having Trula Twyst play mindgames with you (like she does Jughead)
« on: January 04, 2014, 07:35:21 PM »
1. Archie as a good athlete or Archie as a bad athlete
2. Midge who is loyal to Moose or Midge who will see Reggie behind Moose's back
3. Cheryl Blossom attending Riverdale High or Not
4. Jughead who is tolerant to females or Jughead who abhors females
« on: January 02, 2014, 11:43:49 PM »
I actually did this before the Lone Ranger movie came out and planned on posting it--but then the movie flopped and I forgot. I don't like critiquing others but--HOW DO YOU NOT MAKE THE LONE RANGER A RANGER!?
Part I: BEFORE THE MASK.
Panel one: A high shot of a far away western town in the middle of the Wild West. The landscape is barren land with coyotes and prairie dogs riding tumble weeds being blown by a heavy wind. The wind kicks up various dust that swirls in the air.
Caption: The Old Wild West. A time where good guys wore white hats and bad guy wore black hats. People who wore grey hats could go either way depending on facial hair.
Panel two: A closer shot of the town as we are on a street that leads into town with various buildings lined up along the street. On the right of the street is the Cooper General Store, The Riverdale Very First Bank, and the city hall with a dressed up Mr .Lodge in suit and top hat coming out with a tag on his coat that reads: MAYOR. On the right is Pop Tate’s Soda Saloon (complete with old timely windows and double doors), Several horses are tied up just in front of The Soda Saloon. The horses are using glass mugs as they drink from a water trough. Next to the Soda Saloon is The Funeral Parlor with a sign reading: Funeral Parlor: There’s a bullet with your name on it—might as well have a rock with your name, too! And right next to that is the Riverdale Hotel that is taller than all the other buildings. A husband is helping his wife carry in eight suitcases and trunks of clothes as he strains while his wife waits impatiently. At the end of the street is the Riverdale Jail. A cowboy and his horse are riding down the street and taking his hat off to lady. A man wearing a derby hat is twirling his cane as he watches several children play. Several children are playing cowboy and Indians with one lone kid as the Indian seemingly capturing the other kids playing cowboy.
Caption: Today we focus on the settlement of Riverdale and the beginning of a legend.
Caption: The legend of a man who fought for law and order, strived to obtain justice, and always washed his hands before every meal and every time he used the bathroom…
Panel three: A close-up on the Soda Saloon as a cowboy wearing a brown vest and blue shirt is playing Fish with three other cowboys. One cowboy slams his hand down in anger. From the cowboys hat, we can see several cards under his hat.
Cowboy: Go Fish!
Panel four a shot over the shoulder of someone wearing a white hat with a bit of familiar orange hair being seen and a blue shirt as the cowboy scrambles to his feet and begins to run off in fear of the cowboy standing before him.
White hat cowboy: I don’t take kindly for double dealing and over the shoulder looksies in my town, pard.
Caption: Today we learn the origin of---
Panel one: A shot of Archie as the sheriff. He is wearing awhite hat with a brown vest over a light tented shirt with a purple bandana tied to his neck. A sheriff’s badge is stuck to his chest. He is wearing dark blue jeans and light brown boots. He is leaning back against the double doors as he watches with pride that the card cheat is running off.
Sheriff Archie: Keeping the peace is only a little noisy as long as you take long strides and stand firm!
Caption: -- OF THE LEGEND OF THE SOLO SHERIFF!!
Panel two: Sheriff Archie falls back as the doors flip backwards and he lands on his back as his legs go straight up into the air.
Panel three: A shot the same as before now with no pain stars and Sheriff Archie completely out of panel.
Sheriff Archie off-panel: Owie. I feel on my prison keys…
Caption: …I swear he gets better! Cool mask and horse and everything! I promise..!
Panel one: Sheriff Archie is beginning to sit up as he shakes out the cobwebs as a lady wearing a fancy but quant pink dress is standing over him and offering him a hand.
Lady: Need a hand, sheriff?
Panel two: We now see that the lady is Betty Cooper. Betty is fawning over Sheriff Archie as she has hearts in her eyes. Sheriff Archie doesn’t seem to notice as he is dusting himself off.
Betty Cooper: I saw what happened from the General Store. You were so brave and handsome like you always are.
Sheriff Archie: That’s nice…
Betty: Maybe we could go inside and have a--
Panel three: Sheriff Archie’s head jersk up and his eyes light up as he looks past Betty. Betty frowns and rolls her eyes in familiar frustration.
Off-panel voice: Oh Sheriffkins! I saw everything from daddy’s office!
Sheriff Archie: You did?! Really?!
Betty: Sigh. That Mayor’s daughter is as welcomed as a cattle stampede
Panel four: A shot of Veronica wearing a fancy purple and blue dress, a hat, and wearing white gloves as she strikes a pose and shows off her looks. Various cowboys look and gaze at her from all sides (including up) of the panel as the are amazed at her beauty. Several of the cowboys bare a resemblance to the cast of Life and Times of Wyatt Earp.
Veronica: I did. In fact, I’m so impressed that I’m going to let you treat me to a malt soda.
Panel five: Sheriff Archie is leaping up and down in joy as his arms frail about wildly. Veronica looks over at Betty and playfully sticks her tongue out at her. Betty responds by making faces and sticking her tongue out back. The various cowboys from before are walking away dejectedly as the cowboys on top of the previous panel are beginning to fall to the street.
Sheriff Archie: YAHOO! YIPEE! HOHAH!
Panel one: Sheriff Archie and the ladies begin to enter the Saloon as we can see various card games going on at different tables. Raj and Chuck are making a card house on one panel, Two cowboys are playing Go fish with cartoon cards of Cosmo The Merry Martian and Super Duck. Several cowboys are drinking their mugs of soda as one lets out a giant burp through a heavy muschache that covers his mouth. A dirty, coon skin hat wearing mountain man with dirty boots that have left muddy foot prints across the floor shakes his head at the bad manners shown by the burper. A man clad in all black with a mustache is handing out business cards. A tall man with short blonde hair carrying a rifle is walking out with his ten year old son who has several pieces of candy he’s beginning to eat. Pop Tate is at the bar washing a mug. As Archie is being complimented Archie rubs his star in confidence. Veronica rolls her eyes at Betty’s attempts to suck up to Archie.
Betty: Archie, you’ve been doing a great job as sheriff! We haven’t had a killing, robbing, horse theivin’ or jaywalking in a week—a new record.
Sheriff Archie: I guess I’m just a natural.
Panel two: Veronica is talking as Sheriff Archie, as he rotates his right shoulder to illustrate how sore it is from him having to constantly use it to throw rocks, has a thought balloon of himself in Mayor Lodge’s office as Mayor Lodge is at his desk and is angrily pointing at a portrait of himself with a fresh gun hole as Sheriff Archie looks on guiltily as he slowly lays his gun on the ground.
Veronica: I have to agree with Miss Cooper. In fact, if you keep this up, Daddykins might let you have your gun back.
Archie: Heh. That would be great. My arm’s getting sore from having to throw rocks at bad guys.
Panel three: Sheriff Archie walks ahead as Betty and Veronica begin to have a spat.
Betty: Gee, why don’t you go talk to him about it now?
Veronica: Why don’t you go and sell another rusty pot to a prospector?
Panel four: Betty and Veronica are nose to nose as they begin to argue.
Betty: My pots are not rusty, they have character, you self absorbed twit!!
Veronica: Don’t you yell at me, buffalo breathe!!
Panel one: Archie is sitting at the bar as Pop Tate pours him a soda as he seems disappointed that the girls have forgotten all about him and are arguing with each other in the background. Betty is sticking her nose up in the air while Veronica has her shoulders slumped and arms dragging like a caveman. Two women resembling Miss Kitty and Annie Oakley shake their head at the two girls.
Pop Tate: So how goes the duties of the tin star, Archie?
Archie: My tin star is much less dangerous than my love triangle, Pops.
Panel two: Archie is talking as a background of a wanted poster with various shadow cowboy figures wearing red bandana masks appears just behind him to illustrate his conversation with Pop Tate The poster reads WANTED DEAD OR VERY BEATEN. $50,000 (less if your you’re a good Samaritan.)
Archie: I’ve been telegraphed that the notorious Red Bandana Gang may be heading our way, but me and my new mysterious deputy haven’t found a hint of them.
Panel three: Archie turns around as he hears a voice talk to him.
Off-Panel: Sheriff Idio—er, Sheriff Archie!
Panel four: A shot of Reggie dressed in all black and wearing black hat and dark blue vest with a small tin star pinned on it. Just under the star is a pocket containing a small red cloth. Reggie has a curly mustache and is rubbing his hands together like a super villain. Behind him at a card table everyone has dealt Aces and Eights as a foreshadowing sign. Archie doesn’t seem to notice or care as he springs out of his seat.
Deputy Reggie: I just found The Red Bandana Gang setting up camp just under Going To Be A Dead Man Cliff! We head on out alone, and we can catch them by surprise!
Caption next to Reggie’s hat: BLACK HAT ALERT!!
Panel five: Archie races past the arguing girls as Reggie follows behind him as he adjusts a red bandana that is in his upper vest pocket as a foreshadowing side of what’s to come.
Archie: We head on out alone, and we can catch them by surprise!
Reggie: Oh, someone will be surprised, Sheriff. Heh heh.
« on: December 24, 2013, 11:07:56 PM »
Mr. Lodge is storming into his mansion as he is wearing a hat and trench coat that is covered with snow as Smithers greets him at the door and begins to take his coat. Veronica and Mrs. Lodge greet him as he comes inside. Mr. Lodge is holding a briefcase that looks like it is going to explode because of the amount of paper and files inside. Mr. Lodge doesn’t notice that Archie, wearing winter clothing, mittens, earmuffs, is happily whistling up the path (made easier thanks to Mr. Lodge leaving foot imprints to step safely. Archie has a Christmas wrapped box under his arm as he goes on his way without a care.
Mr. Lodge: What a business trip! Plane delays, overbooked hotels, having to bend over backwards and do flips for that miserable old goat Wormwood just to preserve what I could of the south Greendale forest district!
Mrs. Lodge: Now, Hiram, don’t come home on Christmas Eve in such a foul mood.
Veronica: Mother is right, Daddykins. Don’t let your worries drown the merriment of the season.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to adjust his tie as he is trying to calm down. Mr. Lodge’s glasses are beginning to fog up from being outside in the cold to suddenly being in a nice warm house. Archie is beginning to walk just behind Mr. Lodge as he waves at Smithers. Smithers rolls his eyes as he hangs up Mr. Lodge’s coat on a nearby coat rack made of gold as his reply to Archie. Veronica becomes overjoyed to see Archie.
Mr. Lodge: You’re both right. In this house, all the problems and tribulation I have experienced can just stay outside.
Panel three: Archie is right behind Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge’s glasses unfog to show his eyes glaring in aggravation.
Archie: Merry Christmas, Mr. Lodge!
Mr. Lodge: I was just talk about you, Archie.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge turns around and points a finger at Archie as Archie has the Christmas present extended in both hands. Mr. Lodge’s briefcase brushes against Archie’s knee as the brief case begins to shake and tremble like a chemical about to have a chain reaction before it explodes.
Mr. Lodge: Archie, get out! I’m in no mood for you! You can’t go an instant without causing me grief!
Archie: That’s not true!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge and Archie look down at the briefcase as it begins to shake and is about to erupt like a geyser with various papers, charts, and files. Smithers begins to run past Mr. Lodge and Archie towards the Lodge women.
Panel three: The briefcase erupts as various papers, files, charts, contracts, a horseshoe, a rabbit’s foot, and a jar with a label reading: Lucky Pennies (one is never enough) and even a Cosmos the Merry Martian doll explodes from the briefcase. Mr. Lodge takes a step back away from the briefcase while Archie uses the gift as a shield for his face. Smithers is shielding the Lodge women from the papers as various papers begin to stick to his back. Mrs. Lodge is covering Veronica’s head as Veronica has her fingers in her ears.
Panel four: The entire floor is covered in paper, files, and various other work items. Archie is shrugging his shoulders as he smiles nervously. Mr. Lodge is fuming as his face is bright red and he looks like he is going to explode with rage his head is lowered and his shoulder raised as he grits his teeth and steam is coming from his nostrils. Veronica and Mrs. Lodge are looking at the notes stuck to Smithers back. One note reads Sign Mad Gladys to Record Deal. Another reads Fred Mirth = Future Potential? And the last reads R(iverdale)DA Golden Ring mining Mobius project seeking Avatar.
Archie: See? That was a second easy.
Panel one: Archie has dropped the gift as he begins to back away from Mr. Lodge who stalks towards him with hand out and fingers twinging like they were talons about to clasp a small animal.
Archie: Now remember, Mr. Lodge—um er, Santa is watching you right now!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to chase after Archie as Archie runs away down a hall of the mansion. The hallway is decorated with various Christmas lights, a Christmas banner reading A Merry West Wing, and Christmas reefs hanging along the walls.
Mr. Lodge: I’m rich! I can get anything I want! And all I really want for Christmas to get my hands on you!!
Panel three: Mr. Lodge has entered a room with a fireplace burning with stockings hung up for the family. Mr. and Mrs. Lodge’s stockings are golden and has various small gift boxes and teddy bears. Veronica’s stocking is five times as big as her parents and is filled with various jewels and new credit cards. Mr. Lodge is just behind a lit Christmas tree as he tries to find Archie. The Christmas tree is around eight feet tall, with various nutcracker, golden balls, and snowmen as decorations. The tree is wrapped in golden tinsel, red and green flashing lights, and a golden star with a L inscribed in the middle.
Mr. Lodge: Now where did he go?! I know he scuttled about close by.
Panel four: Archie inside of the Christmas tree sneezes as Mr. Lodge casually talks as he almost walks away from the Christmas Tree.
Archie in the tree: Achooie!
Mr. Lodge: Bless you.
Archie in the tree: Thank you.
Mr. Lodge: Think nothing of it.
Panel five: Mr. Lodge’s eyes go wide with realization as Archie peeks through branches of the Christmas tree timidly.
Mr. Lodge: !!!
Panel six: Mr. Lodge begins to lunge inside of the tree to get Archie as the tree shakes violently as the two begin to tussle.
Mr. Lodge: Now I’ve got you, you red menace!
Archie: Yow! Say what you will about The Grinch, but he at least didn’t try to kill a Christmas tree!
Panel one: Mr. Lodge has Archie by his back shirt collar and belt as he is preparing to throw him out. Archie has his left hand on his face cheek and his elbow dragging as he is disappointed, but used to this treatment by now. Mr. Lodge has shreds of tinsel all over him and Christmas lights are snagged around his left leg as continues onward regardless. Archie has various Christmas decorations stuck on his shirt and in his hair. Smithers is happily opening the door for Mr. Lodge. Mrs. Lodge and Veronica are sitting on the briefcase as they have managed to put all the material back inside.
Veronica: Daddy, don’t! It wasn’t Archie’s fault…for once.
Mrs. Lodge: A Christmas miracle!
Panel two: Mr. Lodge heaves Archie out the door as Archie bounces once in the middle of the driveway and begins to slide down the path thanks to snow and ice.
Mr. Lodge: Now stay out! And I had better not see a red hair or freckle until New Year!
Panel three: Veronica is in a huff as Mr. Lodge wipes his hands clean of Archie, like he had just put out the trash while he is shaking his left leg free of the Christmas lights. Smithers is rubbing Mr. Lodge’s shoulders to help relax his muscles as if he had just completed a round of boxing. Mrs. Lodge is holding Archie’s gift as she examines the tag.
Mr. Lodge: Oh, don’t worry. He has the memory of a concussed hummingbird. I would have tossed his box after him if it wasn’t a gift for you, Veronica.
Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, sweetie, the gift is not for Veronica.
Panel four: Mrs. Lodge holds the gift out to Mr. Lodge as he reacts with surprise as does Smithers, who is to his left. Veronica glares at the gift when she learns it’s not for her.
Mr. Lodge: It isn’t?
Smithers: It isn’t?
Veronica: Why isn’t it!?
Panel one: Mr. Lodge holds the Christmas present and can see from the tag that it is for him?
Mr. Lodge: Me?
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to open the present as he and everyone else look over his shoulders to see what it is.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge holds up a small snow globe with a mansion inside and a small note is taped to it as Mr. Lodge reads it aloud.
Mr. Lodge: “To Mr. Lodge. I know that I cause your blood pressure to spike, break your possessions, and date your daughter, but all in all you’re still a nice guy. Merry Christmas—Archie.”
Panel four: Mr. Lodge uncomfortably turns his head to see Veronica, Mrs. Lodge, and even Smithers glaring at him.
Mr. Lodge: …Well…but—I didn’t know--!! How could I have known---?!
Veronica: By doing what you just did earlier!
Panel five: Mr. Lodge hangs his head in shame as the three now have their arms crossed as they continue to stare him down. Over Mr. Lodge’s right shoulder is an angel version of himself standing over a defeated devil version of himself with various bruises and a broken left horn to show he got thrashed big time.
Smithers: Sir, even I acknowledge you have to make things right with the lad.
Mr. Lodge: Sigh. I must be the only extremely wealthy person with a fully developed conscious.
Panel one: Mr. Lodge is opening the door and waving Archie back in as Archie is rubbing his sore butt with both hands as he looks back at Mr. Lodge. In the deep snow of the yard, a polar bear is sticking his head out surprising a rabbit wearing snow shoes.
Mr. Lodge: Archie! Come here!
Panel two: Archie begins to come inside as Mr. Lodge smiles warmly at Archie. Archie is looking around worriedly as he eyes Mr. Lodge and his body tenses up. In the background we can see the polar bear, still covered in the snow except for his head and a paw, is offering the rabbit a soda.
Archie: You’re not just calling me back to throw me out again, are you, Sir?
Mr. Lodge: No, no! I’d only do that on my birthday.
Panel three: Mr. Lodge pats Archie on the head as Archie smiles, almost resembling a pet owner and his puppy dog. Behind Mr. Lodge is his family and Smithers. Smithers is holding the snow globe at his chest. Both female Lodge members are smiling at Archie.
Mr. Lodge: Archie Andrews, you are a clutz, I don’t like you dating my daughter, you annoy me in everything you do, and I see absolutely nothing in you…
Mr. Lodge: But you are a good young man with a thoughtful heart.
Panel four: Veronica grabs Archie by his arm and drags the love dazed, and sweating like he’s in a sauna Archie inside as Archie begins to track in water and mud from his boots on the floor as Smithers can only smirk. Mr. Lodge looks like he is going to protest. Next to Mr. Lodge is Mrs. Lodge with both arms behind her back and looking affectionately at M. Lodge.
Veronica: Come in! You need to warm up, and I had the maids put up mistletoe in the middle of the main hall!
Archie: I want to live in a forest of mistletoe trees!!
Mr. Lodge: Teenagers. You give them a compliment, and they run off with your daughter!
Panel one: Mrs. Lodge is holding mistletoe just above her head as she smiles at Mr. Lodge, who grins back as he brushes his mustache with his index finger. Smithers looks on and wipes a tear from his eye as he is genuinely moved by the show off affection.
Mrs. Lodge: Oh, don’t worry, Hiram. I already beat her to it.
Mr. Lodge: My, such a naughty young lady I’m married to.
Panel two: Mr. Lodge begins to kiss Mrs. Lodge as Mr. Lodge points at the briefcase. Smithers is placing the snow globe on a nearby stand as he prepares to grab the brief case.
Mr. Lodge: Smithers. You know where to put that briefcase away?
Smithers: But of course, Sir.
Panel three: A shot of The Lodges kissing as Mrs. Lodge continues to hold the mistletoe above her head. Smithers is throwing the briefcase out the door. The snow globe has the snow flakes inside forming a heart to help illustrate the scene.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL. MAY ALL FAMILES AND FIRENDS BE TOGETHER, AND THOSE WHO CANNOT, MAY WARM MEMORIES OF THOSE LOST BRING YOU JOY AND COMFORT.
« on: December 10, 2013, 10:24:47 PM »
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are near a Cosmo soda machine in the hallway of Riverdale High as the school day is beginning. Both girls are looking at Archie as he is across the hall trying with both arms to keep his books and notes and various other items from falling out of his locker. Veronica has a purse draped over her left shoulder while Betty has her back pack in her right arm dragging on the floor. The Riverdale Bulldog mascot has a pink puppy dog backpack and a doggie bag as he makes his way amongst the students going up and down the hall to their classroom or taking or placing books in our out of their lockers.
Veronica: Sigh, look at my Archie, Betty. Isn’t he suave?
Betty: And handsome, Veronica.
Panel two: Both Veronica and Betty turn to each other as they say the same thing at the same time.
Veronica and Betty: He’s the man of my dreams!
Panel three: Betty is poking Veronica’s face cheek with her right hand and pinching her arm with her left hand as Veronica reacts in shock and pain.
Betty: Pinch and a poke! You owe me a coke!
Panel four: Betty smiles triumphantly as Veronica glares at her and shakes a fist in her direction. She uses her other hand to rub her face cheek that had just gotten pinched.
Betty: You snooze, you lose, Ronnie. Remember, by girl code, you can’t talk until you give me a soda.
Panel one: Veronica uses one hand to wave off Betty’s comment and the other to point at the Cosmo Soda machine just behind them as she grins arrogantly.
Betty: Yeah. I guess it’s not going to be for long.
Panel two: Veronica is reaching into her purse and diamond encrusted dollar pouch as she begins to take out one of several thousand dollar bills.
Betty: Yowza! You could buy a soda franchise with your allowance!
Panel three: Betty looks on worriedly as Veronica is shoving the thousand dollar bill into the soda machine. Veronica turns her head and scoffs at Betty’s suggestion.
Betty: Ron, maybe you should use smaller bills. The label says it only takes 1 and 5 dollar bills.
Panel four: The soda machine is beginning to overload from the large bill as Veronica doesn’t notice as she has turned away and is using her free hand to mimic Betty’s mouth. Betty notices sparks coming from the money slot of the soda machine.
Panel five: The soda machine begins to spark as both girls step back as it shake violently to the point it is causing the ground to shake as the two girls cling to each other for support. Various other students passing by don’t fair much better. Especially one student who has his arms full with his paper-mache volcano as it erupts baking soda right up to the ceiling of Riverdale High.
Panel six: The machine is charred and has become warped like a squeezed soda can. The machine now reads OUT OF ORDER just above the money slot and the soda options are now totally blank. Betty is rubbing the back of her head as she assesses the damage while Veronica points at Betty while she uses her other hand like she is zipping her mouth shut as her way of telling Betty to ZIP IT! Just behind the girls we can see a puddle of baking soda.
Betty: Told’ja so.
Panel one: Archie is coming over to the girls as he is looking around nervously and weaving his way past various students who are lying on the floor covered in baking soda. The kid with the paper-mache volcano is the worse as he looks like a living marshmallow with shocked bulging eyes. Veronica innocently backs towards the soda machine as if to cover it up and shrugs her shoulders and puckers her lips to seem like she is whistling harmlessly. Betty looks at Archie and taps her chin with her index finger as she comes up with a scheme to take Archie from Veronica.
Archie: You girls okay?! It’s like a sumo wrestler stepped on a fault line!
Panel two: Betty is wrapping her arm around Archie and is leading him away from a stunned Veronica.
Betty: Archie, do you think we can sit together in 5th period, and together at lunch, and have a study date and then just a date?
Archie: Gee, Betty, I promised Veronica that—
Panel three: Betty continues to lead Archie away as Veronica, here eyes focused on Betty, is behind them as she punches back at the soda machine right at the Cosmo mascot as it seems to wince in pain from the blow.
Betty: Now, Archie, if Veronica minded I’m sure we would have heard something from her by now, don’t you?
Archie: I guess.
Panel four: Archie and Betty are walking off in the distance as Betty skips along side Archie as she stills makes sure Archie can’t turn around to see Veronica. Veronica is shooting daggers at Betty with here eyes. Over Veronica’s head is a thought balloon of Veronica strangling Betty until she turns blue with her tongue hanging out to her side. Svenson is using a leaf blower to clean up the science fair project student and other students who smile in approval. The science fair student’s face is being pushed back to the point he looks almost like Popeye the Sailor. The Cosmo mascot on the soda machine now has a black eye and missing teeth from the blow Veronica gave it.
Archie: Huh. I really thought Veronica would be upset and throw a fit.
Betty: Oh, I’m sure what Veronica’s thinking is nothing but the best.
Panel one: Veronica is stomping her foot as her face cheeks are bright red. Behind her the mascot drawing of Cosmo on the soda machine is backing away from the raging Veronica as it uses it’s arms as shields as it doesn’t want to be hurt again. Walking up to Veronica is Jughead who has a can soda that he is preparing to drink. Jughead is tapping the top of the soda so it doesn’t spew.
Jughead: So the next dance sensation or another hissy fit from Riverdale’s princess?
Panel two: Veronica eyes Jughead’s soda and points at it as she is filled with relief.
Jughead: Huh? Oh this is a carbonate beverage. It’s what we peasants drink in lew of nectar.
Panel three: Veronica is on her hands and knees as she is begging for the soda as Jughead tilts his head in confusion.
Jughead: So…you want this can of soda…?
Panel four: Veronica nods her head rapidly with a giant smile on her face as Jughead smiles back and gives her a thumbs up.
Jughead: Oh. I gotcha. Sure, Ronnie. What are friends for?
Panel five: Jughead tilts his head back as he lets the soda go into his wide open mouth as he gulps it down as small lumps of soda goes down his long stretched neck. Veronica is crawling on her knees and waving her arms frantically for Jughead to stop.
Jughead: gulp gulp gulp
Panel six: Jughead is burping as he is walking away after leaving Veronica with the empty soda can. Veronica is so upset that she slams the empty can into her forehead and completely flattens it.
Jughead: There you go. The can. Be sure to recycle it for when you’re done, Veronica.
Panel one: Veronica is beginning to stand up as she is dismayed as the one minute bell rings and students begin to go into classrooms. The science fair student from earlier looks on dejectedly as a line of students are carrying better and bigger paper-mache volcanoes than him as his paper-mache volcano is now warped and soggy.
Intercom: Remember students, one minute to get into your first period class. I repeat, one minute.
Panel two: Veronica slumps her shoulders and seems resigned into her newly appointed vow of silence as she enters Miss Grundy’s classroom as Ginger Lopez and Adam wonder what is wrong with her as they are just outside of the classroom talking.
Panel three: Veronica is inside of the classroom as she is raising her arms to motion towards Miss Grundy whose attention is completely in her roll book as she checks off names. Around Veronica, Ethel, Moose, Chuck, and Frankie look at Veronica in confusion as they don’t know what’s wrong with her. Nancy is in front of Veronica as she raises her arm as she confirms she’s here. Next to Nancy are two random students playing paper football as a real football is being thrown from outside into an open classroom window and heading their way.
Miss Grundy: Nancy?
Miss Grundy: Veronica?
Miss Grundy: Veronica Lodge…?
Panel four: Miss Grundy looks up from her attendance book as Moose points at Veronica who is now standing up with her jaw dropped from Miss Grundy’s comment. Veronica has her right hand just below her neck to illustrate how she feels insulted. One of the random students has the football jammed into his mouth as the other student tries to pull it free.
Moose: Duh, Veronica’s here, Miss Grundy, but I don’t think her vocal box is working.
Miss Grundy: Oh my! Veronica not talking! This might be pleasant if not serious!
Panel five: Miss Grundy motions towards the door as Veronica, with her head held down and back bent begins to dejectedly leave the class room.
Miss Grundy: Veronica, go see Nurse Robin.
Miss Grundy thinking: My. Look at that poor form. She must be awfully sick. I’ll send word to Mr. Weatherbee…
« on: December 05, 2013, 08:54:26 PM »
I remember Marvel did these in the late nineties where the front cover is folded and you open the inside and it has a brief bio of the characters in the comic and a brief description of what happened the previous issue or story.
Would that work for Archie comics. I mean, it would be a great way to have new readers know about the characters before they read the stories and characters who are less known can have a little info about them, too.
And Sonic and Megaman could use the too.
« on: December 03, 2013, 09:24:07 PM »
Yeah, before I post, I might not update or be online for awhile. My mother passed away last night and I'm not in a funny mood. I also hate just stating bad mood so I'm posting a fan fic I almost finished. I'll finish the rest later when I'm just in a better place.
Jughead in Big Brother.
Panel one: The setting is the Jones living room as Mrs. Jones is on a cordless phone as she is happy with the conversation. On the sofa is Mr. Jones reading a newspaper with a headline that reads: Evil Dolphin escapes! Flamingo taken hostage! And there is a picture of an evil looking dolphin with a scar over its right eye with a headlock on a flamingo. Jughead is sitting with his back against the sofa as he is playing blocks with Jellybean.
Jughead has spelt out FUD while Jellybean has spelt out AMBITIOUS. Hot Dog shakes his head at Jughead’s poor spelling.
Mrs. Jones: That’s great, Susan! Don’t worry, my son will look after them.
Jughead: Uh-oh. Something. Something sounding like me having to do something. Something that’s never good.
Panel two: Mrs. Jones turns around to reassure Jughead that he won’t have to do much. Jughead is cautious in his optimism. Mr. Jones is having trouble folding back the newspaper.
Mrs. Jones: Don’t worry, Jughead. You hardly have to do anything.
Jughead: When you do nothing all the time, hardly seems Herculean.
Panel three: Mrs. Jones explains what is going to happen today as Jughead looks down at Jellybean as Jellybean is building a small, well detailed, building out of the blocks as Hot Dog looks on impressed. Mr. Jones wads the paper in to large paper ball and tosses it behind the sofa as he whistles innocently to himself.
Mrs. Jones: Mrs. Gasby is bringing little Colin over for a small play date.
Mrs. Jones: Well, our little Jellybean is growing up! She needs to start being around children her own age.
Panel four: Mr. Jones and Mrs. Jones begin to walk out of the living room as they talk offhandedly. Jughead sadly looks down at Jellybean as he thinks about the future. Jellybean knocks down the block building as Hot Dog covers his head for oncoming blocks.
Mr. Jones: Might as well get prepared for the inevitable, son. Our little Jellybean is growing up.
Panel one: A short time later as Mrs. Gasby is at the front door and beginning to hand Mrs. Jones baby Colin, who is in overalls with a small puppy dog on them as he looks cute as a button. Jughead is by Mrs. Jones side as he motions with his two fingers that he has his eyes on Colin.
Mrs. Gasby: Thank you for watching, Little Colin for me! I’m sure my errand will be just an hour.
Mrs. Jones: No no! Take your time!
Panel two: Mrs. Jones hands Colin to Jughead as she sees Mrs. Gasby off. Jughead is glaring at Colin as Colin playfully grabs onto Jughead’s nose with both of his small hands.
Mrs. Jones: Take Colin in the backyard with Jellybean and watch them, will you?
Panel three: Jughead is looking down at Colin with mistrust as Colin tilts his head in confusion.
Jughead: Oh, I’ll watch him. I’ll watch every move.
Panel four: Jughead is placing Colin down as Jellybean is playing with her doll Alex (see other fan fic because I’m the only one doing new Jughead stories, so I can put in my stuff). Jellybean smiles at Colin as Colin waves at Jellybean.
Jughead: Okay, let’s get something straight, pipsqueak!
Jughead: I know how guys like you think! I have Archie Andrews as a best friend! So none of your playboy charm and tricks, got it?
Panel five: Colin begins to crawl over towards Jellybean as Jughead reacts like a rattlesnake is going after Jellybean. Jellybean is welcoming Collin over.
Panel six: Jughead has yanked Jellybean off the ground to “protect her” as he yells down at Collin. Collin looks up at Jughead in confusion while Jellybean has her arms folded and looks at Jughead with annoyance.
Jughead: What did I just say?!?
Panel one: Jughead is pushing Jellybean and Collin apart as they begin to play patty cake.
Jughead: Hey! Hey! Jellybean is a lady! That’s too rough!
Panel two: Jughead is taking a stuff teddy bear from Collin and tries to hand it to Jellybean who flat out refuses.
Jughead: No! Jellybean’s toys! No sharing!
Panel three: Jughead is standing up with Jellybean and hugging her as Jellybean is trying to squirm free. Collin is looking on and shakes his head at Jughead as even he is dissatisfied with Jughead’s attitude at this point.
Jughead: My sister! Mine!
Panel four: Mrs. Jones is looking out the kitchen window into the backyard as she is washing dishes. Mr. Jones is at the kitchen table drinking coffee as has the evening paper of the Riverdale Gazette as the headline reads: EVIL DOLPHIN CAPTURED BY MYSTERIOUS MASKED SHAGGY DOG. Hot Dog is lying next to Mr. Jones with a domino mask half hidden under his front paws as Hot Dog smiles and winks at the reader.
Mrs. Jones: Um, hon, I think we have a problem…
Panel five: Mr. Jones is walking towards Mrs. Jones as he seems nonchalant about it. Mrs. Jones keeps looking out the window in disbelief.
Mr. Jones: What? Our little Jellybean and Colins not getting along?
Panel six: A shot of Jughead scolding Colin as Colin is playing with a toy truck with Jellybean as Jellybean is sitting in a huff with her arms folded and looking angrily at Jughead for continuing to ruin her playtime with a friend. Mr. Jones looks outside the window worriedly.
Jughead: No! Only Jellybean’s truck! You two are not driving off together even in imaginary land!
Mr. Jones: Oh. The usual problem…
Panel one: Jughead is looking out the kitchen window as he angrily glares at Colin who is now playing with Alex with Jellybean happily. The Jones parents and Hot Dog look at Jughead sadly. Mr. Jones is placing a hand on Jughead’s shoulder to get his attention.
Jughead: I told that little Casanova that that was Jellybean’s doll!! To the time out corner with him!
Mr. Jones: Son, I think you need the time out!
Panel two: Jughead is turning to his parents and Hot Dog half crazed as he points back to the window. The Jones parents are taken of guard and Hot Dog looks at Jughead wide-eyed.
Jughead: Just look out there! She’s all alone with him! Sure they’re sharing toys now, but that’ll lead to dating, which will lead to marriage, which will lead to—nothing comes after that!
Jughead: Don’t you see?!
Panel three: Jughead looks at his parents as they disagree with him. Mrs. Jones looks at Jughead mournfully while Mr. Jones shrugs his shoulders.
Mrs. Jones: No.
Mr. Jones: Maybe we’ll come around when she’s a teen—but she just now started walking!
Panel four: Jughead looks down at Hot Dog who shakes his head in disagreement. Jughead is beginning to realize he is the one who has the problem as he face twists in fault.
Panel five: Jughead walks past his parents and Hot Dog as he begins to leave. Jughead is going towards the living room from the kitchen. As Jughead leaves. Hot Dog is motioning with his fingers and that Jughead is crazy as Mr. Jones glowers at Hot Dog. Mrs. Jones tries to call Jughead.
Jughead: Fine. I see. I guess if I’m the one with the problem.
Mrs. Jones: Jughead! Wait! Where are you going?!
Panel one: Jughead is walking out the front door of his house as he has his fist balled and seems to be a man on a mission in his attitude.
Panel two: Jughead is going up a street corner and beginning to turn to his right as he approaches the Twyst Family driveway.
Panel three: Jughead is knocking on the front door of Trula Twyst’s house.
Panel four: Trula answers the door as Jughead walks past Trula as he marches inside.
Trula: Juggers, what are you--?
Panel five: Jughead jumps on the nearest sofa as he begins to lie down.
Panel six: Jughead is lying on the sofa and is motioning with one hand for Trula to hurry up and get over there to give him an evaluation as he seems completely dismayed with the idea. Trula turns to the reader with a smirk as she can’t help but smile at the situation.
Jughead: Let’s just get this over with!
« on: November 19, 2013, 01:11:52 AM »
It was…good to see him. My best pal. Someone who always lent me five dollars knowing I’d never pay him back. All the wisecracks and butting in on his dates and he’s still always there for a smart mouth moocher like me. A true blue…
It’s turning cold.
My arm. It’s turning cold.
It was hot. And throbbing. Pain. Unbearable burning pain.
So cold. And my vision…edging closer to some darkness, like day turning to night. Hard to remember everyone’s face. When I do…my stomach tightens.
I like eating. But not this craving. No…but it hurts. The hunger hurts. So dry. So thirty. Insatiable.
No—no! Focus! I’m Jughead Jones! I haven’t changed my underwear in two weeks! I like to eat; I like the art in pastries and all the mouth blowing flavors in a Big Pop double patty at Pop Tate’s Chocklit Shoppe! And I like to sleep!
No. I don’t—I think if I do go to sleep, I’ll fade away. I’m already drifting. An abyss. I’m looking into this endless well of darkness and I’m so hungry and I’m not feeling like me and I’m hungry and I’m cold and I’m hungry and I’m scared and I’m hungry and I’m hungry--
Never been this hungry. Not ever.
Insides are eating at me. Something sharp. Feels like I’m being ripped inside out…
Arm’s numb. Dead. Body numb…dying…?
No. Don’t focus on that. Think of something else. Mom and Pop. Jellybean.
Hot Dog…Hot Dog was dead. On the street. Blood. I—I went to Sabrina. She couldn’t help me…then she did. I dug a hole…near the River Styx…? I came home. Wait. He came. Something came.
Something clamped on my arm. Arm turned crimson. Wet. It hurt. It hurt real bad.
He didn’t come back. Hot Dog didn’t come back—something did…
So hungry. So cold.
Skin feels lumpy.
I messed up. I messed up bad and now I’m—
Dying? Something else?
I…I can’t even open my mouth. Can’t feel my mouth if it’s open. I want something to eat, but—not food. Not food.
I think…bad things. I’m—doing bad things soon.
Focus. Remember faces. Friends. Family.
Betty. Nice girl. Smiles all the time.
Veronica: Rich—bratty…but always fun. Wastrel…Mannequin…words…banter and quips…
Reggie. Jerk, but…o…ay…
Mom and Pop. Hungry---hungry
No. Mom and Pop…always good to mmmeggggh—me. Good to…me.
NO! Not—not think that! Never that—sister! My…little sister. Cute. Sugar and spice. Not—not eat…
I’m numb. Cold. Lumpy. Can’t…stay here. Want to.
There—there’s a party. At school. Wish I—could’a went. The Bee and Ms. Grundy would…be at door to say hi. Food. Friends. I—might have even given Eeerggthel a dance.
Chuck draw. Dilton—big brain. Moose strong. Midge…others. Kevin…? I don’t want to think about them. It makes me hungry. Wicked hungry.
Teeth not even mine. Skin…wrong. Think.
Laugh with Reggie. Nice Betty. Trade words with Ron.
Memories turning to a famine.
Everyone. Everything. A fading…a fading memory. I’m fading. Going.
Best friend. Red hair. Clumsy. Too many girls…the jalopy won’t start again…we’ll never get where we’re going on time, now…
Loan—loan me some money for a burger, would’ja Archie? I’m so hungry, I’m dying.
« on: November 06, 2013, 01:42:55 AM »
Panel one: The three squirrels of Pickens Park are gathering up nuts into a large single pile. The two tallest (Wally and Nutmeg) are taking the job more seriously while the fat one (Oaky-Doaky) is juggling three nuts while hopping on one foot. Coming at them is the familiar shadow of Hot Dog.
Panel two: The squirrels react to Hot Dog’s bark. Oaky juggling the nuts loses control and they end up all landing on Nutmeg’s head much to his dislike. Wally does the Home Alone palms to his cheeks pose.
Panel three: Hot Dog is trampling over the nuts they had gathered as he chases after the squirrels as they begin to make a mad dash to escape. Behind Hot Dog is Jughead with Jellybean in a stroller, buckled up and wearing a small jacket and pink shirt.. Jughead is upset with Hot Dog while Jellybean is reaching out with both arms and giggling as she sees the squirrels.
Hot Dog: GRRR BARK ARF GRARK
Panel one: The squirrels have made it up a tree as Wally and Oaky look down at Hot Dog as they shake their fists in anger. Nutmeg notices various acorns on a tree branch just above the squirrels and smiles as he is coming up with a plan. Hot Dog is at the base of the tree, clawing up at it and barking as Jughead wheels Jellybean towards Hot Dog to scold him.
Jughead: Blast it, Hot Dog! Not only am I trying to get both yours and Jellybean’s walk for the day done early—
Jughead: --But I wanted to avoid the girls Jellybean’s sheer adorableness attracts and you might as well be a siren!!
Panel two: Hot Dog turns to Jughead and Jellybean as he points back at the tree. Jellybean is looking up at the squirrels and waving at them. The squirrels are beginning to arm themselves with acorns as the look down and point at Hot Dog. Oaky opens his left palm and slams his right fist into it to show they plan on pelting Hot Dog’s noggin.
Jughead: Besides, those squirrels never did anything to you!
Hot Dog: Let me explain: Dogs hate cats, Cats climb trees, those fluffy rodents climb trees—ergo I hate them!
Hot Dog: It’s a scientific fact!
Panel three: Hot Dog is hit in the back of the head with an acorn as he grits his teeth and his eyes go wide in pain.
Panel four: Jughead is running away with Jellybean as Hot Dog follows behind as various acorns hit and fall around Jughead and Hot Dog. Jughead is pushing the baby stroller with one hand as he uses his other to shield the back of his head and Hot Dog is trying to pull his tail up towards him to protect it as it nearly causes him to fall over. Jellybean is having fun and is entertained by what is happening.
Jughead: You couldn’t have chased ducks or something?! It had to be the few animals in the park who can throw 90 mph!!
Hot Dog: I didn’t plan on them fighting back!!
Panel one: Jughead and Hot Dog are huffing and puffing as they are exhausted from the mad dash they had to make. Jughead is bending down with his hands on his knee caps as he is sucking in oxygen. Hot Dog is slumped on the ground with his tail especially limp. Jellybean is imitating the throwing motion of the squirrels as she laughs to herself.
Jughead: And I thought horning in on Veronica’s dates with Archie would be my most violent experience!
Hot Dog: Ohhhh…
Hot Dog: Those horrid bucktooth carrying nuts in their stupid jaws jerks! They pummeled the wag out of my poor tail…!
Panel two: Hot Dog’s attention is drawn back to the tree as hears someone whistle to get his attention.
Off panel: WHISTLE
Panel three: The three squirrels are mocking Hot Dog: Oaky is on all fours acting like Hot Dog as he is barking at Nutmeg while Wally is behind him with an acorn just above Oaky’s. Nutmeg is pointing at Oaky while pointing at Hot Dog with his other hand to help show who Oaky is impersonating.
Oaky: arf arf!
Panel four: Wally softly drops the acorn on Oaky’s head as Oaky goes into the fetal position. Nutmeg is bent over laughing. Hot Dog has the exact opposite response.
Middle squirrel: yipe yipe yipe
Hot Dog: GRRRRR
Panel five: Jughead has Hot Dog by the collar as he is dragging Hot Dog away before he storms off after the squirrels while he is also pushing the stroller as he is taking side steps as his entire body is nearly bent to the ground. Hot Dog is shaking a fist and snarling at the squirrels who only continue to mock Hot Dog; the taller squirrels are making faces at Hot Dog while Oaky has turned around and is shaking his butt at Hot Dog. Jellybean is watching the squirrels and laughing as she is reaching in their direction.
Jughead: There’s nothing worst than a domestic dog trying to act tough!
Hot Dog: Laugh it up! You may be up high in your fifteen foot tree, but I’ll bury you down low six feet!
Hot Dog: I can make it happen! I even buried a shovel once!
Panel one: Jughead is pushing the stroller along a paved trail as Hot Dog follows behind. Jellybean is turned over in her stroller as she is looking back and obviously wants to see the squirrels again.
Jughead: I hope that taught you something.
Hot Dog: Yeah. Get ‘em before they get to higher ground!
Panel two: Jughead sees a Hot Dog Vender setting up his stand as his tongue sticks out and salivates. Hot Dog has the same facial reaction. Jellybean has finally gotten free of the belt and is beginning to climb down from her stroller unnoticed.
Jughead: Say, it must be around brunch time!
Hot Dog: All that running worked up an appetite!
Panel three: Hot Dog is running up ahead as Jughead follows close behind as he is pushing the stroller and has not noticed Jellybean is not in the stroller. Jellybean is beginning to crawl away with a giant smile on her face. Several ducks are sitting on a bench and waving hello to Jellybean who responds in kind. Nearby is a sign that reads: PICKENS PARK. EVEN OUR ANIMALS ARE HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!
Panel four: Jellybean is crawling along as a penguin wearing a jet pack and a mechanical bird are flying up above her as she rolls her eyes and smiles, but continues onward as we can see the tree the three squirrels were last seen come into view.
Panel five: The three squirrels are at the base of the tree as they are playing poker and wagering various size nuts. Oaky-Doaky has his back completely to Jellybean while the other two are closer to the tree. Oaky is wearing a dealer’s hat and Nutmeg is trying to sneak a peek of Wally’s cards, but Wally jerks his cards out of sight. Jellybean is fast approaching with a giant grin.
Panel six: The two squirrels closest to the tree see Jellybean approaching and become alarmed. Oaky, who’s back is turned to Jellybean, does not notice her because he is too busy snickering at his great hand of Aces and Eights.
Wally and Nutmeg: !!!
Panel one: The other squirrels are climbing up the tree, dropping their cards and scattering their nuts as they leave. Oaky has just noticed that something is wrong as a giant shadow of Jellybean’s head is overlapping him.
Panel two: The fat squirrel turns around to see Jellybean reaching down for him. Every hair on the squirrel’s fur is standing up end as he looks like he was being stared down by a monster.
Fat squirrel: Eeeeeeee!!!
Panel three: Jellybean begins to hug Oaky-Doaky as Oaky-Doaky notices how nice the hug is and is beginning to calm down.
Panel four: Oaky-Doaky turns around and is motioning for the other two weary squirrels to come down and join in as everything is okay and safe.
Panel five: The two squirrels begin to run towards Jellybean as she continues to hug Oaky-Doaky and Oaky Doaky is now returning the hug as rubs his head up against her chin.
Panel six: The other two squirrels have joined in and each is on a shoulder of Jellybean and hugging a face cheek as everyone is happy and all smiles.
« on: October 29, 2013, 12:18:07 AM »
Panel one: Jughead is walking down a sidewalk after just getting a hot dog and soda from a nearby vender who removes a sign that reads: One Item Per Customer as a line of kids give him a thumbs up for his quick thinking. The Vender wipes the sweat from his brow in relief as this goes unnoticed by Jughead. Ethel is pushing through the crowd and is waving to Jughead as Jughead just grimaces that he has to put up with Ethel.
Ethel: Jughead! Oh my Juggie Wuggie! I’ve got great news for you!!
Jughead: I’m getting my ongoing series back and won’t have to be subjected to horrid fan fics?
Panel two: Ethel is right beside Jughead as Ethel has her eyes closed and has her arm at her right hip like a teacup as Jughead goes wide-eyed.
Ethel: No. I’ve decided that out of the long line of boys who want to walk me home, you’re up front.
Panel three: Jughead zooms off in a cloud of dust shaped like him. Dust Jughead has the hotdog and soda and is actually eating them much to Ethel’s astonishment.
Panel four: Ethel is calling to Jughead as Jughead is running down the street as several passerbys look on.
Ethel: Where are you going?!
Jughead: To the back of the line!
Panel one: Ethel gives chase as Jughead turns to see her chasing after him. Jughead and Ethel are jumping over a sawhorse as several people are standing to the side of the street as a giant banner is hung reading: RIVERDALE MARATHON. One fat kid is way back as he is already slumped over as a snail and tortoise walk backwards to mock him to his face as they inch ahead of him.
Ethel: Jughead Jones, you are going to walk me home if I have to run you down and drag you!
Jughead: How about I chip in for bus fare?
Panel two: Jughead is running into the crowd of marathon runners as Jughead adjusts his hat as he pushes his way into the group.
Jughead: Maybe I can lose her in this crowd!
Panel three: It is a the finish line as Jughead is zooming ahead of what appear to be highly well turned and fit male and female runners (including one guy on a bicycle) as Mayor Glibb is holding out a medal and sash (reading WINNER) as Jughead runs right into them and off screen.
Mayor Glibb: --And I say dat this year’s winner of this here stampede herd is…
Jughead: ‘Scuse me! Coming through! Popcorns in the microwave! Beep Beep!
Mayor Glibb: What in the name of North Carolina pink toed painted horny toads--?!
Panel four: Jughead is on a deserted street as he now sees that he has the medal around his neck and the sash across his body as he has no idea what happened.
Jughead: Hey. I got away from Ethel and I got Reggie’s birthday gift picked out!
Panel five: Jughead motions with his fist in disappointment as Ethel, wearing a silver medal and a sash for second, is within view from behind Jughead with her arms stretched out and her lips puckered as she blows kisses.
Jughead: Sheesh! She’s got the nose of a bloodhound to compliment her face of a pit bull!
Panel one: Jughead is running into the Riverdale Zoo as Ethel follows right after him. This panel is from a live angle view as we can see past the cement gate and see various elephants in pits, monkeys in cages playing duck duck goose and a flamingo doing a head stand as onlookers tilt there head in confusion.
Jughead: The animals have no idea how good they have it all caged up, protected from predators!
Panel two: Ethel has lost Jughead as she is in front of the lion pit as one lion is just outside of his den and fast asleep. Ethel is scratching her head and turning her head every which way.
Ethel: Rats! When he ran in front of the sloth cages, he blended in!
Panel three: We can see that a pair of hands are opening up the lion’s sleeping mouth as a long nose begins to stick out. Ethel is leading against the rails to the lion pit as she holds her head down and tries to think.
Ethel: He has to be close by…
Panel three: Ethel turns around and points into the lion pit as Jughead has opened up the sleeping lion’s jaws even wider as he sticks his upper body out of the lion’s mouth.
Ethel: There you are!
Panel four: Jughead is climbing over the lions pit back into the crowd as Ethel follows behind. She is using her teeth to stay on the bars as she grabs at Jughead’s feet with both free arms, but misses him. Down in the lions pit the sleeping lion has a thought balloon of a fish as it licks its lips in its sleep.
Jughead: Lions and Tigers and Crazy Girls—oh my!
Caption: I’m not so sure what she said exactly but I think it’s along the lines of, “I will catch you.”
Panel one: Jughead and Ethel are running into Pickens Park as Jughead has distorted his body towards Ethel as he attempts to shoo her away with his hands like someone would a fly.
Ethel: You can’t run forever!
Jughead: True. That’s why I plan on hiding half the time!
Panel two: Ethel is looking around as she has lost sight of Jughead. Behind Ethel is an apple tree. Ethel has a hand over her brow as she is beginning to scan the area for any sign of Jughead.
Ethel: Drat! The problem with guys who play hard to get is that they are hard to get when they have open space!
Panel three: An apple gourd fall from the apple tree and Ethel hears a sound that alerts her where Jughead is.
Panel four: A high angle view of Jughead as he is squatting on a tree limb and eating several apples as his face is swollen from the large amount of apple in his mouth as Ethel is on the ground point up at him. The three park squirrels are each sharing an apple as an angry worm comes out of the top and glares at them for ruining his home.
Ethel: There you are! You tease! You dropped that apple gourd so I’d be able to find you.
Jughead: No, I’m just a butter fingers when it comes to hiding and eating!
Panel one: Ethel has her arms wrapped around the apple tree as she is managing, through strength and her love, to shake the apple tree as to knock Jughead off from his perch.
Ethel: Come on down! Don’t be scared! I’ll catch you!
Panel two: Jughead is holding onto the tree for dear life as he is being violently shook along with the tree as a tree branch keeps bopping his forehead. The three squirrels have formed a ladder with the tall one hanging on to the branch the middle one hanging onto the fat squirrel, and the fat squirrel grasping the apple as the worm looks down in fright at it’s predicament.
Jughead: Gulp. What’s to be scared of.?!!
Panel three: Ethel stops as a pair of apples begins to fall down at her right side.
Ethel: We can take the long way home and you can hold my hand and talk about how my hair smells and---
Panel four: A large pile of apples fall on Ethel as she bends down to her knees and tries to cover up as she is starting to be buried by large amount of apples she has caused to fall.
Ethel: Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ouch!
Ethel: How could Newton not discover gravity—ow!!
Panel five: Ethel is covered up in apples as Jughead leaps down from his perch as he smiles triumphantly Jughead is eating an apple as he smirks to himself. The squirrels have the apple in the tree as the appreciative worm motions for them to eat the apple.
Jughead: So it’s not just doctors they keep away.
Panel six: Ethel explodes from the apple pile as apples fly every which way as Jughead holds his head down as he runs away.
Jughead: Curses! If only it had been an anvil tree!
Panel one: Veronica and Archie are in the middle of a picnic as hey have a plate of fried drumsticks, a peach pie, sandwiches, plates, and two water bottles on a red and white picnic cloth as Veronica begins to cozy up to Archie as Archie begins to blush and has hearts for eyes
Veronica: Oh, Archiekins, you found the perfect place for our picnic.
Archie: Ronnie-Pooh, you know I’d do anything to make you happy.
Panel two: Archie and Veronica are leaning towards each other as they prepare to kiss as they have their eyes closed.
Veronica: And now I’m going to give you something that makes you happy.
Panel three: Jughead suddenly jumps between them as he is continuing to run from Ethel. Jughead is reaching down for the plate of drumsticks as he licks his lips in
Jughead: Gee, thanks Arch, Ronnie. I needed a refuel.
Veronica: Get out of here, you idiot!!
Panel four: Jughead is running off with the drumsticks in his mouth as Veronica is sitting up and shaking her fist at him as Archie tries to calm him down. Above them is Ethel’s leaping shadow.
Veronica: You miserable wastrel!
Archie: C’mon, Veronica. He’s gone. We can still have the rest of our food and—
Panel five: Ethel lands on the sandwiches and peach pie as the sandwich fillings and the pie burst all over Archie and Veronica. Ethel doesn’t pay them any attention as she is crouched with her hands over her eyes like binoculars.
Archie and Veronica: !!!
Ethel: You won’t escape from me this day, Jughead Jones!
Panel six: Ethel is running from the picnic setting as in the background Veronica (covered in pie crème and tomatoes) is standing up, absolutely fuming as she has her head titled back and is screaming as Archie uses the picnic blanket to wipe his face of bits of ketchup and mayonnaise. Ethel doesn’t have any idea what Veronica is screaming about as she shrugs her shoulders to the reader.
Ethel: Huh. Did someone step on a cat’s tail?
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