As Darth Stewie says in “Something Something Something Dark Side” right before he improbably reveals he is Chris/Luke’s father, “Spoiler!”

The “Family Guy: Empire Strikes Back” parody was pretty funny, but honestly a lot of the jokes they cut out of it were funnier.  If you watch this disc, make sure to go back and watch it with the commentary track, and also check out “Table Read” sessions. 

Sigh.  Back to Archie, this issue was a disappointment.  I was hoping for an issue-length story featuring a comedic wedding catastrophe, but with everything working out in the end.  Given that Veronica had gotten the perfect fairy tale wedding, a disastrous nuptials with Betty would have been a nice counterpoint. 

I can see the scene between Archie and a crying Betty now.

Archie: “When Amazonian Indians get married, their pre-wedding ritual involves being covered with fire ants.”

Betty: “Are you trying to tell me the wedding is being attacked by insects now!”

Archie: “No, baby.  After the couple recovers from the stings, the theory is that they can survive anything together.”

Betty throws out her arms and hugs him: “Bring on the fire ants then!”   

Instead, Betty was in tears over her homemade wedding cake falling flat.  If that’s the worse thing that goes wrong on your wedding day, your plans have gone as well as could they possibly could have.  You have to have something go wrong, otherwise it’s a story not worth telling.  Besides, the only thing that cake is good for is a food fight between the bride and the groom.  And isn’t Betty a really good baker to begin with?

I could see Veronica making a cake and having it fall flat.  Instead, what fell flat was Veronica planning on upstaging the wedding in a flashy dress, only to recant as she watches the tragedy of Betty’s cake collapsing.  Yeah, that’s about dramatic as it sounds.  I’ve seen Veronica dressed a lot hotter than that dress for that matter. 

Don’t worry.  There’s still plenty of drama as Archie can’t find a job “in this economy.”  As much harping as there has been about this subject to make the comic topical, it would really be ironic if Archie Comics just suddenly went out of business before the last issue.  “See,” Michael Uslan shouts, “I told you all we were in hard times!”  I’ve let my dad read these, and he likes that they’re current with the times.  Maybe it’s just me.  You can tell this recession has gone on for a while given that Archie Comics has actually picked up on it.  I’m still waiting to run across a Star Wars reference in my Archie Bronze Age DVD’s.

The really ugly thing in this story is Archie confiding in Mr. Lodge and Veronica that he just didn’t think he was good enough for Ronnie, socially at least, and that’s why he chose Betty.  This sounds like a novella on Univision.  Several of them in fact.  If that’s Archie’s best reason for his choice, he made the wrong one.  Of course, Archie didn’t fit in with the world of New York City high fashion where Betty got a job either, and ultimately cost her her job.  Props to the Bettster for standing by her man though.

Random bits.  Jughead appears to be working at Pop’s in this issue.  Or, finally paying off his long-standing debt.  Either way, it makes sense.  Jug’s post-college adventures might be the most interesting of the gang, if there’s any possibility of a sequel series. 

Dialogue weirdness:

Betty: “Face it Tiger, you just hit the jackpot!”

Save that line for the next wedding series where Archie marries the little red haired girl, Cheryl.  Oh boy, the comedic possibilities on that one.  The mega one-shot dream sequence issue.  The last Betty & Veronica team-up, “We’ve got to stop him!”  Pull out all the stops and pull no punches.  Make no pretense of grounding it in reality or any sentimentality.  This is war!  Oh yeah.

Justice of the Peace: “Betty, you may now kiss the groom!!”

No, he doesn’t give Archie a reciprocal command.  Whatever.   

Best dialogue:

Veronica to Reggie: “If you’re trying to flatter me so I’ll date you post-Archie… You’re doing the worst job possible!”

Perfect.

There seems to be some writer fatigue (or perhaps reader fatigue) setting in.  This issue in particular seems really rushed storywise.  I wish all of the issues had been more focused on just the events themselves, this one in particular. While this Archie Marriage series is a one-time deal, I hope there’s some consideration to some “What if” stories about the rest of the gang in the same setting, even Archie and Betty/Veronica as (gasp!) parents of teenagers. Riverdale: The Next Generation.  Unless Archie makes up his mind at the end of this series, it’s not going to happen.  As they say in “Highlander” after a decapitation, “There can be only one!”

Regardless of misgivings, we breathlessly await the conclusion.

Veronica didn't even wear a flashy dress! It was kind of floofy, but not the kind of jaw-dropper that'd really upstage a bride.  And "U R D Best"? that's not even chatspeak.

Everyone may disagree with me here, but I found issue 604 to be very well written.  I dare say that the Archie/Betty wedding is MORE REALISTIC than the Archie/Veronica wedding.  There.  I said it! 

I know a lot of people have said that Betty and Archie marrying at Pop's is cheesy and hokey, but you have to look at it from the perspective that Archie and Betty have always been the white bread, milquetoast, all-American teens.  They never did like flashy and rich things.  They like simple, cozy things.  I thought the wedding was absolutely beautiful, and I believed in it moreso than the million dollar spectacular Archie had with Veronica.

Of course, this could be my own personal bias, as I didn't grow up filthy rich, and never could understand the lifestyles of the rich and famous.    But, I thought the Archie/Betty wedding was sweet.

Well, I don't have this issue (or any of the issues) yet (hint, hint), but here's my reasoning.

I'm not rich. Far from it. However, if I ever get married, I'd do it in a church or at city hall or on a ship or in a park but certainly not in a fast food joint. Ever. That's very...weird.

A little late to the discussion, but my copy only arrived in the post a few days ago.

I loved this issue, outstandingly great.  I enjoyed the story, loved to see Archie marry Betty, thought their sojurn into New York was handled well, as was the reason they came home.  Betty quoting Mary Jane and calling it a cliche was fun in my opinion.  Though the U-R-D best bit seemed off, I just assumed they couldnt fit the actual sentance into the room they had.

All in all, it rocked.

I guess when I say the Archie/Betty wedding is more real, I mean, Archie would feel more at ease at the Betty wedding, because it befits his personality more.  Betty's too.

Archie just seemed like a third wheel at his own wedding between the planning that Veronica and Mr. Lodge does.

The Archie/Veronica wedding seems to be heading down the road to divorce sooner than the Archie/Betty wedding, IMO.  Archie just seemed to me like he was too uncomfortable with Veronica.

why would Betty marry him?
i mean, archie has always had wandering eyes...............