Thought it would be fun to discuss what Archie Comics would be like if the government got involved... For instance, Miss Beasley would be a good cook who made sure she made nutritional meals for the students. The cafeteria jokes and bad cooking are an insult to cafeteria workers... What can you come up with?

None of the female characters would be allowed to be sexy and flirtacious. At all. Because sexy and flirtacious characters leads to readers having underage sex!

None of the characters would ever be allowed to hit anyone, even if it happens off-panel.

There would be no name-calling.

There would be no pranks played upon parents or faculty.

There would be no magic. (The government would cave in to the same religious idiots that think Harry Potter is Satanic.)

None of the characters would be allowed to lust after anyone.

In short, the comics would be completely boring.

We'd need to get rid of Melody (the classic "dumb blonde" thing)

Moose wouldn't be allowed to say "Duh" or do anything else that indicates he's not very bright (an insult to those with learning disabilities)

The gang wouldn't be seen at Pop's very often - all those burgers, sodas, etc. are unhealthy and could lead to childhood obesity

Jughead would have to remove his beanie while in school.

I noticed that he removes it in class. He sticks it in his back pants pocket, and often puts it back on in the hallway (or just walks around with it sticking out of the pocket).  He's half-way there!

The dogs would have to become well...dogs(you can't hear their thoughts and Hot Dog's robo-doghouse would have to be taken away).

Because sentient animals would be considered magical and therefore Of The Devil (TM).

And sent the kids home for wearing the SAME clothes EVERYDAY! (At least in animated cartoons.)

Then take Veronica away from her father because he's always yelling at her and chewing her out about overusing her credit card. And for giving rich girls the bad name, too!XD (Hey, drag away Paris Hilton while we're at it, too. )

And lock Cherlyn Blossom away for acting like a flirty little prostitute around the boys, who should also be taken away for acting like sexist lecherous blockheads with their tongues hanging out around her!

Finally, put Betty in a dark closet for being...TOO perfect! (Don't want to give poor young girls self-esteem problems, do we?)

Well, it can go either "PC-conservative" or "PC-relevant" and I think it's already fairly conservative.  So far we seem to be talking "daily PC", which involves making things dull to the point of Fred Bassett so that there is nothing left about it that's offensive OR interesting.  To me, that's not really PCing it, just dulling it down.

When someone says "PC ARCHIE!" I'm thinking, since it's already pretty mild, they want to make it "PC-relevant" so that it appeals to today's mindset and promotes tolerance, real answers to real problems, safe sex, acceptance of all peoples and lifestyle choices regardless of race creed gender or sexual orientation, and is religiously inoffensive (accept, of course, to the values of "conservative" religions- because those are nothing more than socially oppressive trains of thought and their values should be mocked and rejected).

So here is how I picture PC-relevant Archie:

The kids are pictured carrying condoms around- in their purses, in their lockers, on their bedside tables- to promote safe sex.  You know, for those "just in case" moments!*

Jughead comes out of the closet.  They introduce a boyfriend for him. Alternately, he comes out as asexual and explains it in unproven psycho-biology terms. In either situation, they accept him for who he is and everyone learns a valuable lesson.

A new character is introduced with "Harry Benjamin Syndrome". Again, valuable lessons.

Veronica's family loses their fortune, and she learns to live a middle class lifestyle. (because Veronica and Mr.Lodge are not portrayed as "evil enough" to be wealthy)

No more Christmas.  "Holidays" may be implied, but we're allowed no clue as to what holiday they're celebrating.

Sabrina's green-skinned aunts and unrealistic spells are dropped because they perpetuate a stereotype that's offensive to practicing witches.

Betty/Chuck

Reggie's parents are divorced, and we learn  the reason why he's so full of himself is because of lack of love in the home.  His friends form a support group to help him heal.  Whenever he pulls some prank or otherwise acts insultingly toward another character, somebody says "it's okay Reggie, we understand you!" and we get a brief explanation.

Cheryl Blossom becomes Pregnant, and is expelled from Pembroke Academy to continue attending the Public School.  Cheryl's experience enables the other characters learn the consequences of unsafe sex and the necessity of being a responsible teen mother-to-be. She's permanently pregnant for the rest of the series, to serve as the token pregnant student.

A vegan character is introduced and persuades Jughead to "Go Veg!". From there, the comics take up animal rights issues and promote veganism for all.  The students picket against the school for serving milk in the cafeteria, because milk is for baby cows/poison.

In "Bicycles are COOL!" Archie gives up his jalopy for a bicycle to help stop global warming.  All of the other characters, including Veronica (who is now middle class, btw), follow suit. They never drive cars again. The ice caps are too precious to have all these relatively worthless teenage humans driving around in their "earth killers".

Betty triumphs over a cutting addiction or anorexia. As a result of her treatment, being perfect is no longer important to her- she quits the cheerleading squad, gains some weight,  settles for a B average and learns to love "who she is".


*they taught me this freshman year of high school btw, and that the coin pocket in your jeans is  a "condom pocket"   My mind wouldn't have even be able to THINK of some of these things on it's own. Considering how wide spread this GOVERNMENT APPROVED approach to social education has been, (I went to school during the Clinton administration- but I *guarantee* it will return after Bush gets the boot) this list is what I'm afraid Archie will look like in 50 years or whenever the old guard passes away. As they say on the internet- DO NOT WANT.

A new character is introduced with "Harry Benjamin Syndrome".

What's that?

Cheryl Blossom becomes Pregnant, and is expelled from Pembroke Academy

She know longer lives in Penbrooke. She lives in Riverdale and attends some private school there (anyone have the name?).

Betty triumphs over a cutting addiction or anorexia. As a result of her treatment, being perfect is no longer important to her- she quits the cheerleading squad, gains some weight,  settles for a B average and learns to love "who she is".

They already introduced Brigitte as the token fat girl.

Because, y'know, an overweight girl that continuously stays overweight is such a good role model.

I went to school during the Clinton administration- but I *guarantee* it will return after Bush gets the boot

You're actually crediting Dubya for something?