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  • DeCarlo Rules: My review of BETTY & VERONICA SPECTACULAR VOL 01 TP: [link]
    Today at 01:56:12 am
  • DeCarlo Rules: GISÈLE LAGACÉ has a new series coming out from Image Comics in October, EXORSISTERS. [link]  :)
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  • DeCarlo Rules: I have a theory about why the Riverdale comic didn't sell well, despite the obvious success of the show, and why it doesn't seem to have improved the sales of ARCHIE, either. Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free? I can only think of a few rare exceptions where the success of a TV series or movie increased comic sales in any significant way (THE WALKING DEAD). Mostly people don't seem to want to go out of their way or make any effort to be entertained, they just want it to be right there and available.
    August 09, 2018, 01:58:01 am
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  • DeCarlo Rules: Serious fans of the Riverdale TV series might find this book of interest... [link]
    July 29, 2018, 06:08:48 am
  • DeCarlo Rules: Correction! Dan Parent & Fernando Ruiz provided the story & artwork for Dynamite's ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE DARK HALLOWEEN SPECIAL [link] solicited for October 24th release.
    July 29, 2018, 01:54:33 am


Author Topic: Archie is Mr. Perfect  (Read 550 times)

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PTF

Archie is Mr. Perfect
« on: July 28, 2018, 09:47:51 am »
 
Page 1
 
Panel one: Archie is in a parlor room in the Lodge Estate as he accidentally bumps into a vase and breaks it. Veronica tries to grab it at the last second but misses it by inches.
 
Veronica: Archie! Watch where you’re going!
 
SFX: craackk
 
Archie: Ooops. Sorry, Ronnie.
 
Archie: Um, you think your dad maybe didn’t hear that…?
 
Panel two: Mr. Lodge suddenly slings up the door to the parlor room and is snarling and bent over like the Incredible Hulk as he points at Archie as Archie’s face sinks back and his eyes go wide. Veronica takes a giant side step away from Archie and rolls her eyes and whistles as she acts like an innocent bystander.
 
Mr. Lodge: YOU!!
 
Panel three: Archie is being tossed from The Lodge Estate by Mr. Lodge as he lands on his belly and chin as several pain stars surround his body. One star has freckles and a bandage being put on by another pain star.
 
Mr. Lodge: And don’t come back here or see my daughter until you meet a certain standard!
 
SFX: THUD
 
Archie: …What standard, sir?
 
Panel four: Mr. Lodge slams the door as bruised and dejected Archie turns his shoulder to look back. Archie squints an eye as if slamming the door is causing him even more pain.
 
Mr. Lodge in the mansion: PERFECTION!!
 
SFX: SLAM
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: Archie is walking along the sidewalk as he has his hands in his pocket as he is about to kick a can in his path.
 
Archie: Okay, fine. Maybe I’m not perfect, but I’m at least acceptable. I’d even say I was above average…
 
Panel two: Archie tries to kick the can, but instead ends up tripping over his own feet as he falls backwards.
 
Archie: …Lower above aver---whhooooaaa!
 
Panel three: Archie is lying on the ground flat on his back as he sadly looks up at the sky. A man picking up cans gets off his scooter and gives Archie a look of pure pity as he puts the can in his half filled trash bag.
 
Archie: Face it, Andrews. You’re as far from perfection as Reggie is to humility.
 
Panel four: Archie is sitting on the curb as he takes out his phone and begins to explore the internet on Gaggle. In the search engine he has typed in “HELP ON BEING PERFECT.” With his free hand he is holding his aching back as the pain star with freckles from before now has a point in a sling.
 
Archie: But hey, at least when you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
 
Panel five: Archie is on Amazing Shop Store as he sees a book titled HOW TO BE PERFECT by S.A. Fleishman. The price is $24.99. The Kindle version 10.99. Archie has a thought balloon of his money flying out of his pocket to Veronica and Jughead as he sadly looks on.
 
Archie: This self help book is exactly what I need, but I don’t have a red cent to my name and I would never illegally download something that isn’t mine.
 
Archie: There has to be something I can do…
 
Panel six: Archie is checking the How To Be Perfect out at Riverdale Library as a middle age woman with thick blue glasses and graying black hair stamps the books as she just seems happy to finally have someone at the library. At the counter are several cobwebs on books. In the background is a computer station with the old computer boxes and lines coming from the computers to a circular phone on a nearby stand.
 
Librarian: Thank you for coming to your local library! Please come back. It gets so lonely thanks to the wi-fi and the apps and phones that text…
 
Caption: That’s right. Libraries do exist. Try them out.
 
Page 3
 
Panel one: Archie is in his living room reading from How To Be Perfect as he gives Vegas a pat on his head as Vegas listens in.
 
Archie: “The first step is keeping all your entire body straight as you walk around your community for the next two hours to improve and show off your posture.”
 
Panel two: Archie looks down at Vegas. Archie is hopeful about what his about to do while Vegas looks at him apprehensively.
 
Archie: Guess you can’t knock it unless you try it, right, Vegas?
 
Vegas thinking: That’s what I thought when the vet gave me my first vaccination shot.
 
Panel three: Mr. Andrews is opening the door as Archie walks out and smiles at him. Archie has his entire body stiff and is walking like the old school Frankstein’s monster with his arms sticking out straight and walking in long strides without bending his knee. Archie has his neck held up straight. Mr. Andrews drops his briefcase as he is taken back by Archie.
 
Archie: Hi, dad. I’m going to go for a little walk. Tell mom not to worry about me, I’ll grab a small snack at Pop’s.
 
Mr. Andrews: …Sure, Archie.
 
Panel four: Mr. Andrews looks back at Archie as Archie awkwardly walks down the street as several neighbors in their yards look on. One neighbor on a riding lawnmower is so focused on Archie, he doesn’t notice he’s left his yard and is about to hit a fire hydrant on the street.
 
Mr. Andrews: I was young once. Just like Archie is now. I remember it. But I wasn’t crazy.
 
Mr. Andrews: …Well, maybe crazy, but not that kind of crazy.
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: Archie is walking down a sidewalk in Riverdale’s business section as he seems proud of himself. Everyone on the street is looking at him. On the street is Shrill and Sherry who look on with a confused expression. Nearby a man in a business suit is watching Archie, not noticing an open man hole.
 
Archie thinking: This isn’t even half as bad as I thought it would be!
 
Panel two: Archie rolls his eyes as he sees Reggie and Simon Silverstein walking towards him. Reggie has his smart phone out and recording Archie while Silverstein chuckles.
 
Reggie: Look at what we have here. The Walking Lame.
 
Simon: Too much starch in your wash there, Freckleepuss?
 
Panel three: Archie walks past Reggie and Simon as they both continue to laugh at him. Archie has a scowl across his face.
 
Archie: I don’t hate the comedians, it’s the bad jokes I can’t stand!
 
Panel four: Archie has his head turn as he doesn’t notice he is walking straight at Midge who is on her cell phone talking and doesn’t notice Archie at all. Next to Midge is Moose who is looking at her lovingly.
 
Archie thinking: At least I got to deal with the worst Riverdale has to offer all at once. Should be smooth sailing from here.
 
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: Archie doesn’t notice Midge until she is right past his out stretched arms and bumps into her. The positioning looks like Archie is about to give her a hug. Moose’s docile mood flips.
 
Archie: Midge??
 
Midge: Archie??
 
Panel two: Archie shifts his eyes to his right to see an angry Moose as Midge ducks under Archie’s right arm and rolls her eyes to her left and shifts her lips to her left so show she is expecting something bad to happen.
 
Moose: ARCHIE!
 
Archie: MOOSE!
 
Panel three: Archie tries to run the best he can without bending his legs and keeping his arms still straight as he darts and weaves around various people on the street. Moose is so confused by what he sees that his anger is completely gone as Midge stands next to Moose and looks on.
 
Moose: Duh!
 
Archie: Mommy!
 
Panel four: Archie has fallen over and has his hands and tip toes on the street as he is now stuck and can’t move. Moose turns to Midge.
 
Moose: Midgie?
 
Midge: Moose?
 
Panel five: Moose and Midge begin to walk away arm in arm as Archie is now trying to hop on is fingers and tip toes to get away from Moose, not knowing that Moose is leaving him alone. Moose and Midge use their free hand and an index finger to swirl a circle over their heads as they both get a good laugh at Archie’s antics.
 
Moose and Midge: Archie.
 
Page 6
 
Panel one: Archie is walking into The Chocklit Shop as he is approaching the counter. Betty is at the counter drinking a small soda as she notices Archie. Pop Tate is cleaning a glass with his wash cloth behind the counter and tries not to laugh at Archie’s
 
Betty: Archie! Um…what’cha doing?
 
Archie: Oh, um, I heard this helps release chakra.
 
Pop Tate: Don’t forget to visualize a closed red flower opening surrounded by radiant light.
 
Panel two: Pop Tate gives Archie a small shake in one hand and a small pack of French fries in the other. Betty reaches into Archie’s pocket to pull out a few dollars and change.
 
Archie: Um, I’ll get right on that after a small fry and soda. Betts, um, I can’t really reach into my pocket so could you…?
 
Betty: Not a problem.
 
Panel three: Archie look at the fries and soda in his respective hands and realizes he can’t eat them without bending. Betty looks on with a giant smile on her face.
 
Archie: Hn.
 
Betty: Still need help?
 
Archie: Yeah. If you don’t mind.
 
Panel four: Betty is in between Archie’s arms and is holding out the soda with a straw so Archie can drink. Archie has a slight smile on his face.
 
Betty: Not at all.
 
Panel five: Betty has the end of one French fry in her mouth as Archie begins to eat his way to her like Lady and The Tramp. Archie has several hearts over his head.
 
Betty: After all, it never hurts to help.
 
 
Page 7
 
Panel one: Archie is carrying Chunk on his back as he tries to walk up a large hill. Chunk has his usual blank stare, scratching his nose and eating a candy bar. Archie is sweating and straining as his knees buckle as determinedly takes a step. In front of him knelt down is Raj with his camera as he takes a close up on Archie’s determined, wincing face. Shrill and Sherry are walking past Archie and Chunk. Sherry is pointing at herself and at Shrill’s back, signaling she wants Shrill to carry her down the hill, Shrill responds with an extended hand to signal “NO WAY”
 
Caption: Chapter 2: Strength. Carry three times your own body weight up and down the tallest hill twenty times.
 
Panel two: Archie is outside of Mr. Weatherbee’s home kissing Wendy Weatherbee. Mr. Weatherbee looks outside his window and is fuming with rage. Wendy’s pet snake is looking up at a tree to see a rabbit, hanging from his feet on a branch, try to tempt it with an apple. The snake is confused to what is happening. Archie shifts his eyes to Mr. Weatherbee timidly, knowing he’s in for some trouble.
 
Caption: Chapter 3: Bravery.  Stand Up To Fear: Put Yourself In Mortal Danger With Life Or Death Repercussions.
 
Panel three: Archie is inside of Mama B’s Bakery as Archie has lost another arm wresting contest to Big Vic at the bakery counter. Big Vic is barely trying as he has his head turned and is mixing a bowl of cake mix with a wooden spoon. Vic even not trying his hardest is able to cause Archie to flip before falling to the ground. Mama B is in the background near a small dry erase board as she has filled it up with marks to show how many times Vic has defeated Archie. Jughead is looking on as he is eating a brownie and giving Archie a not so sincere thumbs up for the effort.
 
Caption: Chapter 4: Determination. Challenge the strongest person you can find to a test of strength and not stop until you win.
 
Panel four: Archie is with Jinx Malloy as disaster is heading straight for Archie at every turn. A black cat is leaping at Archie, an earthquake is ripping into the street below him, an airplane is crashing just behind him, and lightning is striking at his left foot. Archie has a look of pure terror as he has his arms over his face to shield himself from the cat and has lifted his left leg to his chest and is just standing on his right leg as he loses balance. Archie has bird poop in his hair, thorns on his clothes, and gum on the bottom of his left shoe that stretches all the way from the ground to his shoe. Jinx is happy to have company and is walking ahead, not away of anything that is happening to Archie.
 
Caption: Chapter 5: Generosity. Show companionship to the person who needs it the most.
 
Page 8
 
Panel one: Archie is in his room lying on his bed, exhausted as he holds How To Be Perfect In A Day above his head as he begins to read it.
 
Archie: The last chapter!
 
Panel two: A low angle view as we look to the left of Archie as we read along with him the next two pages. The first page on the left reads: Chapter 6: Endurance. Stay awake the rest of the night to show you have the mental fortitude for perfection. The right page reads: Turn only if you fell asleep.
 
Panel three: Archie has a tired smile on his face as he is confident he can do it.
 
Archie: Just that? That’s easy! I’ve got this in the bag!
 
Panel four: Archie has an even bigger smile ear to ear as he closes his eyes as he begins to image what being perfect will be like.
 
Archie: I can’t wait to show Mr. Lodge the new me! Mr. Perfect. I can see it now…
 
Page 9
 
Panel one: A new more muscular Archie wearing a suit and tie is walking with an awestruck Veronica as she fawns all over him and feels his muscles. Archie is using his right hand to straighten his tie. As Archie gives a giant grin, his teeth give off a giant twinkle.
 
Veronica: I can’t believe this change in you, Archie! You’re the perfect boyfriend now!
 
Perfect Archie: I’m perfect in everyway possible. That’s why I’m Mr. Perfect.
 
Panel two: Archie has his hand on the Lodge Mansion door knob as he begins to open it.
 
Perfect Archie: Now, to show you father what perfection personified looks like.
 
Panel three: Perfect Archie and Veronica look on in terror as the entire mansion collapses in one giant heap.
 
THOOOOOMM
 
Panel four: Mr. Lodge is beginning to dig himself out of a pile of rubble as his suit is torn and his glasses bent and broke. While this is going on an angry Veronica is glaring at Perfect Archie.
 
Perfect Archie: But I’m perfect now. I…I…I don’t understand what happened.
 
Mr. Lodge: I do…
 
Panel five: The battered Mr. Lodge suddenly is in front of Archie and grabbing him by the collar of his suit and looking him in the eye as he screams with his mouth extended three times larger than normal. Perfect Archie has a look of pure shock on his face.
 
Mr. Lodge: YOU FELL ASLEEP!!!
 
Page 10
 
Panel one: Archie is sitting up in bed with the book opened where he left it just beside him.
 
Archie: No!!
 
Panel two: A dejected Archie looks out the window to see the sun shining in to show that it is morning and he had fallen asleep about when he closed his eyes on the last panel of page 8.
 
Archie: Yep…
 
Panel three: A hopeful Archie looks down at the book as it has landed page up right where he had left off.
 
Archie: Okay, just one little slip up, maybe there’s a second chance, a life line, an extra life!
 
Panel four: A wide eyed Archie looks at the book in shock as the next two pages have large print reading: YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE.
 
Panel five: Archie closes the book as he has a defeated look on his face
 
Archie: (sigh). Mr. Medicore from his feet to his freckles to his red hair. Now and forever.
 
Page 11
 
Panel one: Archie, book under his arm, is walking towards the Riverdale Library with his head held down in defeat and shame as Veronica is running up towards him holding out her smart phone.
 
Veronica: Archie Andrews! Where have you been! You haven’t answered my texts!
 
Veronica: And what are all these videos of you posted online!? Especially the ones with Betty!!
 
Panel two: Archie sadly holds up the book as Veronica looks down at it as her eyebrows furrow to show she’s beginning to get angry.
 
Archie: Ronnie…I checked out this book on being perfect, that way I’d be worthy of you…but I blew it.
 
Archie: I’m just typical at best.
 
Panel three: Veronica glares at Archie and points a finger at his nose as Archie bends his back over slightly.
 
Veronica: Typical?! Veronica Lodge does not deal in “typical”.
 
Veronica: You’re perfect just as you are and if you dare go behind my back with a harebrained stunt like this again, I’ll wallop you!
 
Panel four: Archie has a smile from ear to ear as Veronica blushes as she shifts her eyes.
 
Archie: Wait…you think I’m perfect already??
 
Veronica: Well, your car is a jalopy fit only for the scrap yard and your choice in best friends is atrocious…but overall I wouldn’t change one aspect of Archie Andrews.
 
Panel five: Archie is walking away with a smile on his face. In the background, Veronica is wide eyed with uncertainty.
 
Archie: Thanks, Ronnie! You’re close to perfect yourself!
 
Veronica: “Close”…?
 
Panel six: A high angle view Archie is walking up to the steps of The Riverdale Library as a frantic Veronica follows after him.
 
Veronica: What’s wrong? Is it my hair?
 
Veronica: Not enough make-up? Too much perfume?
 
Veronica: Archie Andrews, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong with me, I won’t speak to you ever again!!
 
 
Page 12
 
Panel one: A high angle view of the S.A. Fleischman estate as it is a beautiful mansion with several sports cars parked in the driveway. Around the estate is a perfect fence with the gates having his initials engraved in the middle.
 
Caption: Perfect home.
 
Caption: Perfect cars.
 
Caption: Perfect enclosure.
 
 
Panel two: A close up on a trophy room filled with awards and medals.
 
Caption: Perfect at sports.
 
Panel three: A close up on a 65 inch flat screen where a video game is being played of HARP (Halo remake) where the player (S.A. Fleischman) has a perfect as Leader Paramount is giving a thumbs up with purple AI female companion with a pixie cup standing over a trounced alien enemy. At the left corner of the panel we see the shoulder of S.A. Fleischman as he is wearing a blue shirt with a red sweater best.
 
Caption: Perfect entertainment system.
 
Caption: Perfect score.
 
Panel four: S.A. Fleischman slumps in his chair totally dejected and bored with his life even though he is surrounded by perfect works of art and in a perfect parlor that has it’s own bar.
 
S.A. Fleischman: I. Am. So. BORED.
 
THE END.
 

 


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