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Jughead's Guide to Girls.

Started by PTF, April 11, 2016, 12:12:49 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


Okay, found all my flash drives with all the fan fics...save that I wasn't smart enough to title them better. Yeesh. Anyway, starting tomorrow, I'll post more and more as I sort out them all out.

I also found some other fan fics I didn't post because I forgot or I never finished. If anyone wants I can let you look at them, I just can't promise quality...so you know about the same as the regular stories. :)

Anyway, here's the first one I posted, so enjoy. :)


Jughead's Guide To Girls

(Jughead is talking to the reader as he is just entering Pop's.)

Jughead: Hello, it's me, your friend, Forsythe "Jughead" Jones, and I've come to clear out a few misconceptions.

(Jughead is walking as no one at their seats notice him and are eating or conversing normally. Eating are several couples of anonymous students)

Jughead: I've heard the whispers about how you don't understand how I can't be interested in girls. Like I hate girls.

(Jughead is eating a burger at the counter, leaning against it casually as Pop Tate is angry and holding up a long sheet of paper titled JUGHEAD'S TAB $$$. The Tab seems to extend for miles.)

Jughead: I don't hate girls. What I hate is how girls make guys do stupid things or put them in horrible situations.

(Jughead is motioning with his hand towards Midge sitting alone at a table as Reggie is hitting on her as she seems uninterested.)

Jughead: Well, let me give you my view on girls. Starting with...

(Reggie is talking to Midge, who is rolling her eyes in disinterest as Moose stomps towards Reggie without him noticing.)

Caption: The Taken Girl.

Caption: This is the girl who is steady with a boyfriend. Most would avoid this girl because of an overprotective boyfriend, but there are those who just...

(Reggie is looking nervously at Moose who is cracking his knuckles as Midge looks on happily.)


(Moose punches Reggie across the room as Jughead has to leap over the rocketing Reggie.)

Jughead: Well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

(Jughead is over at an unconscious and badly battered Reggie as he lies in a slump against a wall. Jughead motions at Reggie with both arms to showcase his point.)

Jughead: Period.

(Once again, no one notices Jughead. Jughead is now in a fancy restaurant—he is wearing the same clothes only with a tie over his sweater—as he is just beside Archie and Veronica. Archie and Veronica seem to be having a good time after their meal. A waiter comes carrying the bill in a tray)

Caption: The Rich Girl

Jughead: You would think this would be great for any guy: beautiful, money, fun to be around...

(The Waiter places the tray down as Archie looks over the check.)

(Archie looks at the bill for three hundred dollars as his eyes go wide.)

Archie: !!!

(Archie is sweating profusely and has his shoulders hunched and showing his empty hands as the waiter and Veronica glare at him.)

(Archie is now in the kitchen washing dishes as Jughead looks on, shaking his head in disapproval. Archie has several broken dishes and cups at his feet as he angrily works. Through an open door we can see several other guys around Veronica.

Crrassh krrrrinkkkk

Jughead: Trust me. When you factor in economic status times recession, it just doesn't equal happiness.

(Jughead is in Betty Cooper's backyard as Betty is raking leaves. Betty doesn't notice him. Jughead looks on approvingly)

Caption: The Girl Next Door.

Jughead: She's kind, hard working, and she knows you better than anyone else. She's someone you can depend on.

(Betty is walking into the kitchen from the backyard as Jughead follows. On the kitchen counter is a tray of cookies and he grabs one and begins to eat as he follows Betty.)

Jughead: And she can cook!

(Betty is going upstairs as Jughead casually follows.)

Jughead: Seems like this type of girl has no flaws...

(Inside Betty's room as she is looking at several pictures of Archie as she lies on her bed. Several pictures of Archie are on the wall and the bed spread is a picture of Archie's face. Jughead is leaning against door frame and is pointing towards Betty's room with his thumb.)

Jughead: Until you realize how obsessive they are.

(Now we are at school as Chuck is drawing a bowl of fruit on a table as Nancy is getting angry with him and pointing at her watch.)

Caption: The Demanding Girl.

Jughead: She has wants and she needs you to hear about it.

(Jughead is right beside Nancy as Nancy has a list of things she wanted to do today. Chuck is not noticing Nancy as he continues to work.)

Jughead: Now wanting you to listen to her, spend time with her, and follow her interests may seem like not a big deal—

(An impressed Jughead is looking over Chuck's drawing as Chuck is using his thumb to get a better angle of the bowl.)

Jughead: --but wouldn't we all rather do what we wanted and not have anyone bother us about it?

(Jughead is walking down the street as he is talking to the reader.)

Jughead: Only two more to go and they are by far the worse. Pay close attention.

(Jughead is walking on a sidewalk past several buildings as the talks to the reader. Several people pass him by without noticing him.)

Jughead: There is one girl who will never take no for an answer. She will hound you and run you down unless you have some shoes have amazing tread.

(Jughead turns as he hears his name called.)

Jughead: I call this one--

Ethel off-panel: JUGGIE!!!

(Jughead is running away from Ethel as Ethel is closing in on him with her arms spread ready to grab him.)

Caption: The You're-The-Only-One-For-Me Girl

Ethel: I'm going to catch you, lover boy!

(Ethel has lost Jughead as Jughead is looking from a library in the background. Ethel is scratching her head as she looks around.)

Jughead: swhhooo.

(Jughead is in a library next to Trula Twyst. Trula is sitting at a desk with several piles of books at her left, paper and pen at her front and a protractor at the edge of the table.

Caption: The Femme Fatal.

Jughead: And to our most dangerous type of girl.

(Jughead is talking as Trula actually turns to him. Jughead is talking straight ahead to the reader.)

Jughead: Superman has kryptonite, fire has water, and Archie has child proof caps.

(Jughead is talking as Trula seems to be listening intently. We can see on the desk the paper as it is a picture of Jughead and his brain.)

Jughead:  She just knows what buttons to press.

(Jughead is talking as Trula does her glance and shrug.)

Jughead: Be it a glance or a shrug...

(Jughead quickly turns but Trula is back reading a book.)


(Jughead is cautiously turning away form Trula as Trula looks up slightly.)

Jughead: Anyway, unlike the previous girl who tries to tire your body out, this one tries to break your will.

(Jughead goes back talking to the reader as Trula begins to watch Jughead again.)

Jughead: Her method of choice is to manipulate you with her plots and schemes, so you have to always be on your guard.

(Trula is sticking her tongue out at Jughead as catches it from the corner of her eye.)

Jughead: The best advice I can give is...

(Jughead catches Trula just from the corner of his eyes as Trula smiles deviously.)

(Jughead leans over to get nose to nose with Trula who just smiles back.)

Jughead: Never turn your back on her.

(Jughead is entering his home as he looks back to talk to the reader.)

Jughead: Now, I know some of you may think I'm only looking at the most extreme cases, the other end of the spectrum, not focusing on the larger demographic. But trust me on this--

(Jughead is in the living room as Jellybean, Miss Grundy, and his mom is waiting for him. Jellybean is walking towards Jughead and reaching out for Jughead to pick her up.)

Jellybean: Big brother!

Mrs. Jones: Jughead, Miss Grundy was in the neighborhood and was kind enough to stop by to check on you.

Miss Grundy: I was just finishing telling your mom how well you have done with your assignments and exams.

(Jughead bends down to pick up Jellybean.)

Jughead: Okay, I admit it...

(Jughead is being hugged by Jellybean around his neck as Miss Grundy and Mrs. Jones looks on satisfactorily.)

Jughead: Not all young ladies are bad.



Okay, looks like four stories are missing, so I'll probably have to redo them.

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