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Days we look foward to as Archie Fans. by BettyReggie
[Today at 04:00:34 pm]

What are you currently watching? by BettyReggie
[Today at 08:41:00 am]

What comics have you been reading? by DeCarlo Rules
[September 19, 2018, 02:34:21 pm]

[September 19, 2018, 10:53:30 am]

What have you done today? by BettyReggie
[September 18, 2018, 09:37:52 pm]

Latest Hauls, what did you buy? by DeCarlo Rules
[September 18, 2018, 11:25:10 am]

An Archie Comics timeline (2009-2018): highlights & lowlights by DeCarlo Rules
[September 16, 2018, 10:50:09 am]

So I bought Archie Archives Vol. 1 and ... by Terry1
[September 14, 2018, 05:58:14 pm]

Riverdale Reviewed by Tuxedo Mark
[September 13, 2018, 07:33:58 pm]

New york comic con 2017 photos by fandemoniumnetwork
[September 12, 2018, 03:13:03 am]

* Shoutbox

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  • DeCarlo Rules: Check out Stadium Comics' entire line of Archie Comics RE variant covers here: [link] All are homages to famous Marvel or DC cover images.
    Today at 09:05:41 am
  • DeCarlo Rules: Those are RE (retailer exclusive) variants available only from Stadium Comics. Here's another cool one they have, a variant of ARCHIE 1941 #1 [link]
    Today at 09:01:16 am
  • Tuxedo Mark: Anyone ever see these B&V Friends Forever variant covers? [link]
    September 19, 2018, 10:15:05 am
  • BettyReggie: I saw the covers for Archie #701. I love Pitilli's.
    September 18, 2018, 09:27:43 pm
  • Tuxedo Mark: My review of "Fashion Fantabulous!" from B&V #271: [link]
    September 13, 2018, 07:34:29 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: It seems like they put extras on a disc because people expect them, or it helps drive sales, but more often than not, it seems like very little thought goes into the content. Of course there are some examples where the extras are exceptional, but usually that's not the case.
    September 10, 2018, 11:42:47 am
  • irishmoxie: I love digital movies and streaming. I usually get the Blu-ray Disc because I like to watch the extras the first time and then end up adding the digital code online or rip it and put it on the hard drive. Just much more convenient to stream it then search for the disc when I want to watch it.
    September 08, 2018, 05:29:56 pm
  • Tuxedo Mark: My review of "The Breakfast Club" from Riverdale #2: [link]
    September 05, 2018, 06:28:58 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: That's some good reading. Hope they'll put out a Volume 2, and that it'll be just as nearly complete as the first one.
    September 03, 2018, 08:55:41 am
  • BettyReggie: Archie Comics Present Betty & Veronica Spectular Graphic Novel came today.
    September 02, 2018, 03:57:33 pm
  • Tuxedo Mark: My review of "Supply and Demand!" from World of Archie Digest #81: [link]
    September 01, 2018, 08:14:51 pm
  • zhanjiao1212: a1cb584468
    August 31, 2018, 05:33:06 am
  • DeCarlo Rules: On the other hand, maybe I should just bypass the Blu-Ray format altogether, buy a huge terabyte HD, and download everything. There's something to be said for that, in that you can get everything quicker and stacks of Blu-Ray cases aren't taking up space in your house, I guess.
    August 27, 2018, 03:19:15 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: This coming from a guy who still hasn't capitulated to the inevitable domination of Blu-Ray. It's getting to the point where I might have to relent, since I've seen some anime sets being released for the first time on Blu-Ray (no combo pak) with NO release of a DVD version.
    August 27, 2018, 03:09:15 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: I'll never get used to people not being able to wait a few days when they order stuff online. I guess maybe I could understand it IF it were something that there was no other way to see, but I assume you've already seen the episodes.  People who are that impatient usually don't even buy disc sets, they just buy it digitally or stream it.
    August 27, 2018, 03:06:17 pm
  • BettyReggie: Riverdale Season #2 just came from Amazon.
    August 27, 2018, 02:41:06 pm
  • BettyReggie: It taking too long. So I just order it from Amazon.
    August 25, 2018, 05:17:45 pm
  • BettyReggie: I cancelled Riverdale Season #2 from Target because it taking y
    August 25, 2018, 05:16:49 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: ... and often the answers to those "why" questions comes down to a very simple explanation of "because it's a funny situation".
    August 24, 2018, 05:37:39 pm
  • DeCarlo Rules: The questions you ask about classic Archie (which is a cartoon on paper) are sort of "real-world logic" questions. A cartoon world, unlike the real world, creates its own rules and its own logic, nonsensical as that might be. Like Wile E. Coyote not being affected by gravity until he looks down and realizes he's run off the edge of the cliff.
    August 24, 2018, 05:33:11 pm

Author Topic: Super Suckers: That Lady is a Real Witch  (Read 645 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


Re: Super Suckers: That Lady is a Real Witch
« on: June 13, 2018, 12:19:39 am »
Rhino Insurance.

Panel one: A redneck is sitting on his porch as he watches a rhinos aurous rampaging and knocking over his prized lawnmower. On the man’s bare chest is a bandage to show he got gored.

Caption: You think you’re safe. That it’ll never happen to you. Then a rhinoceros
suddenly appears in your front yard and turns you life inside out!

Redneck: Dat hippo dun-did run me through and tipped over Dale Jr!!!

Panel two: The redneck looks at the caption box

Caption: What you need is rhino insurance!

Redneck: Yee-Haw! Sign me up invisible voice man!

Panel three: A muscular man dressed in safari gear is suddenly running past the redneck who looks on angrily and is reaching for his nearby shotgun.

Outback Dan: Oy! That lolly is on a rampage. I’ll be done in two shakes of a koala!

Redneck: Foreigner!

Redneck: Don’t take my job!

Redneck: Build the wall!

Caption: No! That’s Outback Dan, you’re rhino insurance!

Panel four: The redneck does a victory jig as Outback Dan is posing over the dead rhino.

Redneck: Slap my ma and call ‘er my sister Mary Lou, the mother of my childrens!

Caption: Just ten dollars every month keeps you safe. Another ten and we’ll dispose of the carcass.

Panel five: The Redneck and Outback Dan are eating roast rhino meat as they toast glasses in a cheer with moonshine in small jelly cups. In the background is a giant deepfryer with the horn of the rhino sticking out over the top.

Redneck: Hee-hee. I can take care of that just fine!

Outback Dan: Smacks you in the mouth like a rowdy boomerang, mate.

Caption: Rhino Insurance! Protection against horned, thick skin devils…

Caption: And you might even make a friend!

The Bully Institute

Panel one: The setting is a middle school where a kid has been dumped into a trash bin as a much bigger kid stomps away as he pushes a teacher out of his way.

Caption: Have you ever been beat up, lunch money taken, and shoved into the trash and went—

Kid in trash: Wow! I wish I could do that to other people.

Caption: Well now you can!!

Panel two: A shot of Bully Institute (looking like a prestige college like Harvard) with golden gates with a BI emblem in the center. Outside is a male bully who is pointing at the reader with one hand and shaking his fist with the other. . Looking on is a scared nerd holding out several dollar bills.

Caption: The Bully Institute! Where you can fine hone the craft to dominate the weak. Don’t take my word for it. Here is Dean Frank Fist.

Frank Fist: Nerds think they’re smart. Well, I’m the one who not only beat them up, but I make more money off of how to do it.

Panel three: Inside of a classroom, Frank Fist is yelling at a kid wearing a bandana, vest, and a tattoo with a heart with the word “hate” in it. The kid yells back.

Frank Fist: Establish dominance, you little nancy! If you let one geek off with “this isn’t lunch money, its medicine for my sick sister” they’ll all do it!!

Bully kid: I’ll kick your ass old man!

Frank Fist: That’s better!!!

Panel four: The bully kid is at his phone sending a text as Frank Fist gives him a thumbs up while having the nerd kid from the previous panel in a headlock. The nerd kid’s eyes are popping out of his head and his face is turning red.

Frank Fist: Yes! Insult his gender! And his father’s too! And attach a virus!

Frank Fist: Stomp the throat! Stomp the throat!!

Panel five: Frank Fist is in front of the school as the bully kid is giving the nerd a wedgie. Frank Fist is tripping a random person walking by as he talks to the reader.

Frank Fist: I’m Frank Fist. You think you’re a bully? You’re a punk! I’ll make you the kind of person that will become president!

Frank Fist: I’ll take that self loathing you have inside and help you stick to the world!

Caption: Please bring birth certificate, juvenile records, and list of all misdemeanors when applying.

Page 12 + 13 Double page of Kelly just having fun

Panel one: Kelly is sitting on a table reading a graphic novel titled Awesomes as several nerds watch her with hearts in their eyes. Kelly is enjoying what she reads.

Kelly: Wow! I’m really enjoying what I’m looking at!

Nerds: Us too!!

Panel two: Kelly is sitting in a room where a movie clip is being shown where Captain Courageous is punching a Thanos looking villain, knocking out several of his teeth.

Kelly: Yeah! Make him pay for making all left shoes vanish!

Kelly: WHOOOOOO!!!

Panel three: Kelly is listening in two as a Sheena cosplayer and a Red Sonya cosplayer arguing with each other. The Red Sonya cosplayers lifts up her right foot to show off her boot to make her point. Kelly is really captivated by the argument the two are having.

Violet Wilma: Girlfriend, you do know there is a dress code, right?

Tareena the Jungle Queen: I’m wearing just as much clothing as you are!

Violet Wilma: Erk! Wrong! I’m wearing boots!

Panel four: Kelly is at a booth playing a Halo like game with some kid dressed like Master Chef.

Kid: Check your 2 o’clock!

Kelly: Don’t worry. It’s not that late.

Kid: …Noob Civilians.

Panel five: Kelly is taking a photo with some fans as she has her fangs pressed at one person’s neck as she winks and smiles

Panel six: Kelly is trying to negotiate peace between two rival fan groups: The Trekkies and the Star War fans. The Trekkies have their lasers pointed while the Star Wars fans have their light saber with one geek trying vainly to use the force to attack a Trekkie who is failing with the Vulcan nerve pinch. Each section has a banner reading: Adams

Trekkie: He was ours before he was yours!

Star Wars fanboy: He loves directing our movies now!

Kelly: Boys! You come from the final frontier, and you come from a long, long time ago! The Space-Time Continuum only works in your favor!

Panel seven: Kelly is getting a picture drawn and signed by a comic book artist as she strikes a pose.

Panel eight: Kelly is at a booth with a familiar TV logo. She is happily reading a  99 cent 64 page comic as the comic creator looks on sadly.

Kelly: Wow! All this for less than a dollar?? How do you make a profit?

Hank Derwin: I don’t. Ever since mother stopped paying my rent, I live in a cardboard box in the alleyway.

Page 14

Panel one: Jess is trying to storm away from Trevor, but Trevor follows after her with puppy dog eyes.

Trevor: I love your clavicle bone.

Jess: Do you really want to die in that costume?

Trevor: So you want to see me out of this costume is what I’m hearin’.

Panel two: Jess turns around and yells at Trevor.

Jess: That does it!

Jess: Look, knuckledragger—I don’t want anything to do with you!!

Panel three: Jess shoves Trevor and knocks him into people dressed as the Superhero Union from the Blue Baron comic.

Jess: Because you don’t think about anyone besides yourself!

Panel four: Jess is standing over Trevor as the Superhero Union cosplayers run off as Jess storms towards Trevor.

Jess: Because you’ll say you’re someone’s friend or you love them and when you need them, you’ll screw them over. No you’ll screw someone else over and that person fires them!

Jess: And why because--!!

Panel five: Jess lowers her head as she has a realization about she’s not so innocent either.

Jess: …you were asked to do it. And I asked you to do when I was supposed to be on a date I promised you….

Page 15

Panel one: Jess looks on as Trevor sadly gets to his feet.

Trevor: You’re right, mysterious lady with a bodacious bod. I haven’t lived up to the Code of Courageous

Panel two: Trevor gets on his feet, tilts his head back, and points an index finger in the sky as a confused Jess tilts her head as she looks on.

Trevor: The Code of Courageous! To protect the innocent, drink your milk like a boss—and stay true to the woman you pledge your heart too.

Panel three: Trevor sadly walks away as Jess tries to stop him.

Trevor: I ain’t no hero. I’m just a guy with an extra ab, twenty inch pythons, and only his boss to knock his size 14 boots with!

Panel four: Trevor disappears into a crowd as Jess looks on sadly.

Jess: Wait!....I didn’t…it’s not your---!

Jess: …

Jess: Great! I have about as much self respect as I have clothing on…

Panel five: Jess is startled as Pagan runs in front of her.

Jess: !!

Panel six: A shot of Pagan’s eye as his yellow eyes reflect Jess walking off.

Jess off-panel: And now a black cat crossed my path!

Jess off-panel: Can this night get any worse??

 Page 16
Panel one: Stewart has his head on his booth in abject failure as Jess walks up to him.
Jess: …So everyone loves your comic and you’re going to get that live action adaptation?
Stewart: Yeah. I’m always this happy when I achieve my dreams and acquire vast wealth.
Jess: Well, if it makes you feel better, I just realized I’m a pretty rotten person and I really hate myself right now.
Panel two: Same shot only with Stewart suddenly perked up and Jess rolling her eyes.
Stewart: Heck yeah! Misery loves company!
Panel three: Jess is talking with Stewart as Stewart walks from his booth while shrugging his shoulders.
Jess: And three is company. So have you seen my sidekick?
Stewart: Neither hide nor hair nor fang
Panel four: Jess and Stewart are shocked when a happy Kelly prances in carrying two tradepacks.
Kelly: This has been one of the best days ever!  I met a lot of cool, interesting people and I had my picture taken with people and kids thought I was a real superhero!
Panel five: Kelly shows off her tradepacks of Rat Man The Cat Scratch Dance and Captain Courageous The Underwear Worn Inside of Pants Saga. Jess feigns a smile.
Kelly: Check it, Jess!
Kelly: This one is where Rat Man comes out of retirement to fight his archenemy the The Dastardly Cat in the far distant future of 2025!
Kelly: And this one Captain Courageous leaves planet Earth after The President makes it a law against spit curls and underwear on the outside of your pant!
Jess: That’s…um…great.
Panel six: Kelly wraps her arms around Jess and Stewart as she is smiling ear to ear. Stewart has a small smile on his face as he’s at least happy that Kelly likes comic books now and got into the spirit. Jess twists her lips to her right as she gives in.
Stewart: Well…at least something came out of all of this. Next we’ll work you up to manga.
Kelly: Great. I love Japanese soup!
Jess: And here we go again....
Panel seven: A small panel of Videl’s foot moving forward with Pagan at her heel.
Videl off-panel: Yes, you are going--

« Last Edit: June 13, 2018, 11:41:48 pm by PTF »


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