Re: JUGHEAD’S TIME POLICE returns to the future in June by DeCarlo Rules
[Today at 12:22:08 am]
ARCHIE COMICS FOR MAY 2019 by Oldiesmann
[February 22, 2019, 07:48:47 pm]
Re: New features by Oldiesmann
[February 21, 2019, 07:05:56 pm]
What song are you listening to by Oldiesmann
[February 18, 2019, 10:44:05 pm]
Re: Jughead in Twysting Hearts by Mr.Lodge
[February 18, 2019, 01:37:43 am]
Re: Riverdale Reviewed by Tuxedo Mark
[February 17, 2019, 09:12:27 am]
Re: Site Upgrade by Oldiesmann
[February 16, 2019, 06:53:19 pm]
PTF Reviews The Blue Baron 3.1 by PTF
[February 16, 2019, 12:46:41 am]
Re: Days we look foward to as Archie Fans. by BettyReggie
[February 15, 2019, 06:35:13 pm]
Re: Library Books That You All Read by BettyReggie
[February 15, 2019, 06:34:28 pm]
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Messages - PTF
Boy, am I glad these Sitcomics are cheap--since I'm now out an extra hundred and eighty dollars every month. Because old people get sick and ruin everything for younger people. But hey, maybe reading and reviewing this comic will cheer me up.
When we last left our body swapped protagonists, Ernie is unprepared to run a corporation, other heroes now doubt the Blue Baron as being sane, and one of Blue Baron's strongest allies is in a coma. Carson Cedric finds Ernie's parents more and more coming down on him, feeling more and more helpless. So how can things go worse? Let's find out as I review BLUE BARON 3.1!
The Writing: Another strong showing from Darin Henry as he's doing a great job of introducing new characters (villains and heroes alike) while also showing the reaction everyone has to Cedric Carson/Blue Baron with Ernie in his body. People working for him thinks he's lost his mind and the heroes are between thinking he's being manipulated or just a plain liability. And we got consequences to both as Ernie is costing Cedric millions, employees, and his spot on the Hero Union.
And the humor is still there with Cedric deciding to just mess with the shrink his parents send him to and the end result of the session. I like The Clique and how they interacted and bounced off quips on each other. And they all have interesting powers and are relatable. Okay, one of the Clique is named "Teacher's pet." Take a guess what her personality and powers are. Stuff like that just makes me smile.
And there is really touching scene where Ernie Baron visits Max and just feeling helpless as his friend is fighting for his life and there's nothing he can do. And there is Wanda and Roberto (YES! HE HAS A NAME) as their son seems like a totally different person and they don't know what to do.
And I like the introduction to Professor Wraith as William Wharton falls to madness as he seeks to understand evil and how it relates to heroism. I'm a sucker for characters like this. It's a nice origin.
For around nineteen pages we get a great story that covers a lot of ground while having distinct characters and dialogue and continuing to advance storylines for future issues in inventive and swift decisions. Lord knows a few other writes could learn from this coughIDWTMNTcoff
The art. Yeah, another great job by Ron Frenz with ink by Sal Buscema. The action scenes are great and there's great motion in each panel. From Honcho and Windfall fighting villains to Bully and Class Clown playing a prank on Blue Baron. Each character's personality shines. Honcho wears a suit that consists of sponsors and a camera rig with super inflated hero poses as he fights. Bully of the clique pretty much moves how I would think a kid hero named Bully would. For the introduction to the Clique, you could take out all the word balloons and you would know each character's personality by how they slouch, sit, or tilt there head.
I love all the costume designs. Professor Wraith looks menacing. The Clique and their costumes really work with their code name. Bully's costume is my favorite (hint, think a popular video game from a few years back)
And the inking really does a great job with facial expressions. Best seen when Wharton succumbs to the evil tomes and insanity.
Lettering and coloring is also great as usual with Dillon and Whitmore. It's amazing how boring word balloons have gotten and how excited I get to see one stretch out with a "noooo" or explode with rage.
Super Sleepy. Cute lil' one page story.
Ernie. He's probably at his worse here as he's mouthing off, rushing head long into fights, and annoying every character he comes in contact with. Again, this is just part one of the third issue, so this will probably be addressed, but I felt a fair warning for those readers who hate annoying kids. Which begs the question, why are you on an Archie Comics fan message board?
A rare Glenn Whitmore mistake. Page eighteen Blue Ernie has grabbed Bully by his jacket, but the way it's colored it looks like Blue Baron's levitating him. The lesson: no one is perfect.
Class Clown. He's not a clown. He's a mime! Clowns and mimes are totally different! Clowns are funny/scary, Mimes are just annoying.
What I learned.
Roberto is the name of Ernie's dad. ...You people have no idea how long not knowing his name has been bothering me.
It's a good first part. Ernie is kicked out of the Hero Union and looking for a new team (kids his age, but with one big problem), Cedric being shut out of his own life as he watches it crumble around him, and a new villain. I'll go B+
And I'm starting a new program. Where you guys send me comics you have bought and I review them and tell you if you made the right decision. If this works out well, I'll expand it to movies, music, and food. Revolutionary concept. So be in on the ground floor.
Panel one: It is the middle of a snow as Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Reggie are walking towards The Chocklit Shoppe. Archie, Betty, and Reggie, are wearing heavy winter coats while Veronica is wearing much less protective coat more for style than to battle the elements. Betty is talking with Veronica as Veronica waves her off, while flipping her hair. Archie and Reggie are looking at Veronica with hearts over their heads that are evaporating snowflakes that land on them. On the buildings along the street, are icicles of enormous size. In the background, some kids are making a snowknight, putting a bucket on a snowman and giving him a giant icicle for a sword. A much bigger bully kid is laughing at them while preparing to throw a snowball.
Betty: Ronnie, it's twenty degrees and snowing--don't you think that attire isn't going to cut it?
Ronnie: Pish-posh, Bettykins. It's only a tad nippy. Nothing to worry about. Especially when one can make a fashion statement.
Panel two: A cold, snowy wind blows over the four with Archie, Betty, and Reggie shivering while Veronica turns blue and her teeth begin tattering as she is taking it much worse.
Panel three: Veronica dashes inside of the Chocklit Shoppe as Betty smiles as a confused Archie looks on. Reggie is tucking at his collar. Unnoticed by the cast, the snowknight has been brought to life and is chasing the bully from panel one. The knight's bucket has bits of the snowball on it.
Archie: So what exactly is her fashion statement?
Betty: "I'm getting hypothermia, I need to find shelter."
Panel one: Archie, Betty, Veronica and Reggie are at a table as Pop hands them their food (burgers and fries) as he looks over at Veronica. Veronica is wearing a bulky tattered coat as glares over at Betty as Betty tries to hold back a snicker. Next to Veronica is Archie as he notices a moth flying from the coat. Reggie is sitting next to Betty as he looks over to see Midge walking by and blows her a kiss as Midge puts her three fingers over her mouth as if to stop from throwing up.
Pop Tate: Nice hot burgers for the teens of the frozen tundra we call Riverdale.
Pop Tate: And sorry, Veronica. The coat's all I had laying around.
Veronica: Not a peep from you, Cooper.
Veronica: Or that.
Panel two: Veronica is leaning her head on Archie's shoulder as Archie talks with her. In the background Moose is walking past them.
Veronica: Oh, Archiekins, when will this horrid cold weather disperse?
Archie: From what my weather app said, this is the warm days this winter.
Panel three: Betty is talking. Reggie has his hands clamped over his mouth as Moose and Midge walk together, with Moose giving Reggie the stink eye.
Betty: That's no good. My home's A/C is already freezing up now.
Panel four: Reggie leans forward as he decides to take control the talk Betty rolls her eyes in response to Reggie.
Reggie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're poor and freezing to death. But what about me? I nearly slipped on some ice. I could have twisted my ankle or stubbed my toe, then what??
Jughead off-panel: We root for the groundhog to see his shadow.
Panel one: Archie and the gang are shocked to see Jughead standing in front of their table as he is wearing summer clothes, a tank top, shorts, and flip flops. Jughead is reaching over to grab one of Veronica's french fries as she glares at him.
Betty: Jughead! What are you wearing?
Jughead: A smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Panel two: Veronica moves over as Jughead begins to sit down. Jughead reaches over and grabs Veornica's plate of French friends.
Veronica: You're a nut. This just confirms it. You are insane.
Jughead: I like to think me deciding to sit next to you is more of a lapse is judgment.
Jughead: Oh, and nice coat. Katy Keene?
Panel three: Archie talking with Jughead as he just shrugs his shoulders. Veronica flicks a french fry at Jughead, but he reaches over with his right hand to snatch it.
Archie: What she means is, it's twenty degrees and coming a snow storm, Jug. And you're dressed like you're at the beach.
Archie: Aren't you cold?
Panel four: Jughead continues to eat as the others are startled by his
Jughead: Eh, I don't think about the temperature one way or the other.
Panel one: An excited Betty is talking as she thinks she understands how Jughead can take freezing weather so easily. Reggie just sneers.
Betty: I get it!
Betty: Mind over matter! He's not thinking about the cold, so he's not cold!
Panel two: Reggie points a finger at Jughead as Jughead finishes the last of Veronica's fries much to her annoyance as Archie cozies up to her and tries to keep her calm.
Reggie: Mind over matter only works if you have enough mind to actually matter!
Panel three: Jughead stands up feigning being insulted.
Jughead: I don't have to take this! I came all the way to be with my dearest friends and mooch a free meal, not to be insulted...
Panel four: Jughead is walking away as he has grabbed Veronica's burger. Veronica looks like she's about to get up and pounce on Jughead as Archie barely holds her back.
Jughead: ...So I'll just settle for a brief chit-chat and carry out.
Panel five: Jughead, at the door to The Chocklit Shoppe, is eating the burger as a shivering bundled up Ethel is beginning to enter as a giant snowy wind envelops her.
Ethel: J-J-Jugg-gg-i-ee....I-I-I can't feel my nose...
Panel six: Jughead just casually walks past her into the snow without a second though leaving Ethel dumbfounded.
Jughead: Who makes a point to feel their nose?
Panel one: Betty is scolding Reggie as Reggie snorts his nose.
Betty: Reggie, I think you hurt his feelings.
Reggie: That was the intention.
Panel two: Reggie talking as he slams his fists on the table, knocking his French fries and burger into the air.
SFX: BAM BAM
Reggie: You guys are acting like he's smart because he's not thinking about being cold! Einstein didn't become a genius by not thinking!
Panel three: Archie is talking as Veronica agrees.
Archie: Maybe he is thinking. I've heard if you picture tropical islands, hot cocoa, you do feel warm.
Veronica: I've seen it. One of daddy's business partners had a stitch put in his heart and after was always cold, even in room temperature.
Veronica: He saw a specialist and by picturing an island, he's fine.
Panel four: Reggie is standing up and slamming his jacket down on the table as it causes vibrations that nearly knock over and spill plates of food and drinks.
Reggie: If that closed eyed goof and some guy with a weak ticker can do it, so can Reggie Mantle!
Panel one: Reggie is at the door as he begins to take of his gloves and scarf.
Reggie: Think warm. Simple enough for a simpleton, so no problem for me.
Panel two: A close up on Reggie's closed eyes.
Panel three: Reggie opens his eyes wide as each have a different image in the pupil. His right eye has an image of a fire and the other has an image of a desert complete with cow skull sweating.
Panel four: Reggie runs out the door as he is sweating profusely. Several people in winter clothes look on shocked at Reggie.
Reggie: Wow! I need some air! It's too darn hot!
Panel one: Reggie is imaging himself on an island as he begins to take off his shirt.
Reggie: Now this is more like it!
Reggie: I can't believe that this mind over matter junk actually works!
Panel two: Back to reality as a shirt less and barefoot Reggie skips past Chuck and Nancy as they look at him like he's crazy as the snow storm intensifies.
Reggie singing: Sunshine...sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy...!
Panel three: Back to Reggie's fantasy as he is covering himself in sand as he happily smiles to himself.
Reggie: This is great! I've never felt so good!
Panel four: Still on the imaginary island as Jughead holding two ice cream cones is casually walking up to Reggie
Jughead: So, Reg, how's tricks?
Reggie: No tricks, dweeb. My glorious, brilliant mind. I'm thinking of warmth, and I'm nice and toasty. Almost as perfect as I am.
Panel five: Jughead hands Reggie the extra ice cream cone.
Jughead: That's nice. You scream for ice cream?
Reggie: Don't mind if I do.
Panel one: Reggie is taking a lick of the ice cream as he has a giant smile on his face.
Reggie: Ah, nothing beats cold ice cream on a hot day.
Panel two: Reggie' eyes begin to enlarge as he begins to think about winter.
Reggie: Cold like ice cream, cold like ice, cold like winter, cold like...cold like!...
Panel three: Reggie's imaginary island shatters as reality begins to overtake it as Reggie begins to turn blue and his nose begins to have icicles down it.
Panel four: Reggie is leaping out the snow bank he was imagining was sand as he is bright blue and freezing as Jughead casually looks on as he catches the stray ice cream cone as it escapes from Reggie's open palm. Several bystands look on. In the background the snow knight is in front of the kids raising his sword in victory.
Reggie: LIKE ME!!!
Reggie: I'M FREEZING!!!
Panel one: Jughead looks on as Reggie is running down the street with arms wrapping over his chest and bent over as he plows past several people. Behind Jughead, Archie, Betty, and Veronica are walking up to Jughead as they miss seeing Reggie.
Archie: Jug, I thought I heard Reggie scream. Is something wrong with him?
Jughead: There's something right with him?
Panel two: Jughead extends an ice cream cone as Archie, Betty, and Veronica react to it like it's a knife as they shiver and try to pull their coats and jackets tighter around them as if to protect themselves
Jughead: Rocky road. My treat. Any taker?
Betty: Um...I think we'll pass. Thanks.
Panel three: Jughead is walking away as he is licking both ice cream cones as several people look at Jughead in confusion. In the background, Archie, Betty, and Veronica are rubbing their hands together to get warm after just seeing the ice cream. On the street, the snowknight is running for its life as a snowplow chases after it. On the snow plow "THE DRAGON' is painted on the side.
Jughead: "Think". That's their problem. They put way too much thought into everything.
Just my usual Power Rangers, Transformers, dropped TMNT to get Amazing Spider-Man and I really like it.
But good news is that I got some money back from my healthcare insurance so I actually have extra money. So I'm probably going to get Vamperonica because, eh, it's October. I haven't heard much about it, but the covers look good.
August 12, 2018, 01:57:58 pm
Panel one: Archie is in detention as Mr. Weatherbee is watching the class. It is only Archie with Jughead in the background writing "I will not eat during class" with one hand while using the other to eat a kielbasa. Archie has his head resting on the chair as he frowns.
Mr. Weatherbee: Scowl all you want, Archie, but it's your own fault for amassing the tardies.
Panel two: Archie raises his head up as Archie uses his hands and fingers to motion in different directions about how his schedule and classes are set up and where in Riverdale they are from one another.
Archie: But it's not fair! One period I have class in the main building, but the next is all the way in the auxiliary building to the right, then downs stairs on the left and back and upstairs...
Archie: ...And that's not factoring getting and putting books in my locker in the downstairs main building and bathroom breaks! Plus the halls are crowded!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee waves off Archie's objections as Archie rolls his eyes as Mr. Weatherbee gloats.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, all factors are taken into your schedule and classes. You just dilly dally. I faced the same problems as a lad and I was never late for class once...
Mr. Weatherbee: In fact, I bet I could get to your classes in record time.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee yells and points at Archie as Archie tries to play innocent.
Mr. Weatherbee: I saw that, Mr. Andrews!
Archie: Saw?! Saw what?!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee points at his eyes with two fingers.
Mr. Weatherbee: You rolling your eyes like that lone marble inside of your head!
Panel three: Archie tries to ease the argument but Mr. Weatherbee folds his arms.
Archie: I'm sorry, sir, but I don't see how you can handle going class to class because of you're...
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee waves his arms in the air as he yells at Archie.
Mr. Weatherbee: Because I'm too old?? Out of shape?? Is that it?!
Panel five: Archie innocently nods his head as Mr. Weatherbee gives the reader an aside glace.
Archie: Yes, exactly. Glad you understand so I didn't have to say it out loud.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee slams a piece of paper and a pen down on Archie's desk as Archie looks on dumbfounded.
Mr. Weatherbee: I'll prove my point! Jot down your schedule for tomorrow.
Panel two: Archie is talking to Mr. Weatherbee as he becomes even more flustered.
Archie: But, sir, I'll be leaving on a field trip tomorrow.
Mr. Weatherbee: And your point being?
Panel three: Archie continues to write down his schedule as he has his tongue sticking out to the left of his face as he focuses on it. Mr. Weatherbee's eyes light up in surprise.
Archie: That I won't be here to see how you do.
Mr. Weatherbee: !!!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is yelling at Archie as Archie leans back as far as possible as Mr. Weatherbee gets in his face.
Mr. Weatherbee: I'll have you know I'm an honorable, trustworthy man! Or are you saying otherwise?
Archie: I will never say the o-word ever again, sir.
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee snatches the paper from Archie's desk as he motions for Archie and Jughead to leave.
Mr. Weatherbee: Good.
Mr. Weatherbee: Time is up. You boys head on out, and I hope not to see you in this room ever again.
Jughead: That's what I like about The Bee, Arch. He's a dreamer.
Panel six: Mr. Weatherbee smirks as he examines the list.
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: Hah! Some Herculean task! Merely a hop, skip, jump away each!
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: A waste of my precious time for sure, but it will eliminate this particular excuse from Archie's repertoire.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is in the main hall way as various students are standing around and talking. Mr. Weatherbee has his briefcase with him as he looks on confidently.
Mr. Weatherbee: There. In the main hallway at the lockers. A fair starting point!
Panel two: The bell suddenly rings as Mr. Weatherbee begins to prepare to move as all the students stop what they are doing as they all look frantic.
Panel three: It turns into a stampede as Mr. Weatherbee is caught in the middle of a wave of student as he is taken quickly by surprise at the morning rush and is falling backwards.
Mr. Weatherbee: Awck! Hey! File into a single line! A single line!!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is on his back with several footprints on his person to show how badly get go ran over. Next to Mr. Weatherbee is his briefcase as it has been knocked open with his papers and folders trampled and scattered everywhere.
Mr. Weatherbee: A small delay at best.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee runs to Ms. Ashton's door as he is panting profusely.
Mr. Weatherbee: (pant pant)
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee looks his watch to see he is a minute late.
Mr. Weatherbee: Late?!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee begins to stretch as Svenson is sweeping away a giant pile of garbage with his broom as he looks over at Mr. Weatherbee with a thought balloon of an acorn over his head.
Mr. Weatherbee: ...Well, that's understandable! I didn't stretch. My joints locked up on me. I have to forget I'm not the man I used to be!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is getting a drink of water from a water fountain as he continues to talk.
Mr. Weatherbee: Water. Just what I need. I'll just be sure to get a small sip at each one like a runner would a marathon and I'll be in perfect shape start of next period!
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee is going up a set of stairs as he is panting heavily as he looks like he wants to collapse. Behind him is Reggie, Chuck, Trula Twyst, Sherry, and Sayid. Reggie is whispering to Chuck as Chuck responds. Trula Twyst is reading a book while Sherry is showing Sayid a picture on her smart phone and shoving it right into his face as he smiles at her while moving his head away.
Mr. Weatherbee: Huff Puff
Panel six: An embarrassed Mr. Weatherbee waves goodbye to the students behind him as the bell rings for the next class. Each student has an exemption slip. Reggie reads his slip outloud as Chuck just shrugs his shoulders.
Mr. Weatherbee: There. Give these exemption slips to your teachers.
Reggie: "Late because of influx of gravity."
Chuck: Mine says, "too many steps not enough pep."
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is running down stairs as students move out of his way as best they can with Dilton running like Indiana Jones from the boulder.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hah! Now gravity is my ally! My best friend!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee runs into a hallway as Prof. Flutesnoot tries to talk to him.
Prof. Flutesnoot: Mr. Weatherbee! I was hoping to see you to discuss plans for--
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee runs past Flutesnoot as Flutesnoot looks on in confusion.
Mr. Weatherbee: I won't be late to class this time!
Prof. Flutesnoot: ?
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is running past a bathroom as he has a smile ear to ear.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hah! Got into the groove on the very last period! This should be good enough to prove to Archie...
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee suddenly stops
Mr. Weatherbee: !!
Panel six: A shot of the boys bathroom as the bell rings signaling for class.
Mr. Weatherbee in bathroom: Drat!!
Panel one: Archie is getting off the school bus from his field trip as Mr. Weatherbee is waiting for him. Archie is walking up to greet him as Mr. Weatherbee is hesitant to go into detail. Behind Archie is Betty and Veronica fighting to be the next one off the bus to follow after Archie.
Archie: Hello, Mr. Weatherbee. How did you do going from class to class?
Mr. Weatherbee: (cough cough) Perhaps I...I underestimated your schedule a smidgen/
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee smiles as he puts a hand on Archie's shoulder as he
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, come to my office and I will have Ms. Philips rearrange your classes things more favorably.
Panel three: Archie is reluctant as Mr. Weatherbee holds rubs his chin as he comes up with an idea.
Archie: Gee, sir. As rough as my schedule is...I really like my teachers and everyone in my classes.
Mr. Weatherbee: I see...
Mr. Weatherbee: I may have another solution to your dilemma.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is on monitor duty as he smiles as Archie steps out of the school elevator as he smiles and waves at Mr. Weatherbee.
Mr. Weatherbee: How goes it, Archie?
Archie: Actual minutes early! It's great!
Mr. Weatherbee: Well, don't let me slow you down, young man.
Panel two: Archie heads towards Miss Grundy's classroom and goes inside as he waves goodbye to Mr. Weatherbee. Betty and Veronica are looking at Archie as both look at him enviously.
Veronica: Betty, why does Archiekins get to use the school elevator?
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: Because yesterday I walked in Archie's shoes...
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee's knees are aching as he uses the wall to help him stay up right and move to help illustrate his logic.
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: ...And if I have to do it again, It'll be with as few steps as possible!!
Reggie in Let's Play.
Panel one: The setting is Riverdale High as Reggie is standing next to the high school trophy case as he is trying to showcase the trophies he's won to Tomoko and Bobbi. They turn to him as Tomoko has her phone out as a video is playing.
Reggie: --And that's how I won state. I mean, yeah, I had "teammates" but hey, superheroes have sidekicks, am I right?
Tomoko's phone: Okay, this looks like--aaaahhhyyyeaaah!
Panel two: Bobbi and Tomoko go back to looking at her phone as teen has dyed his hair bright green as he is doing a Let's Play video. A small box of him as he smiles is at the top right corner as we see his character successfully unlock a chest containing a map. Reggie is in the background fuming at being annoyed as he moves his arms along the trophy case.
Mikeylator on Tomko's phone: Finally! We've gotten the last map, now to find the real treasure--next installment!
Tomoko: Hah! Those jumpscares are amazing!
Panel three: Bobbi and Tomko are talking with one another as Reggie is in the background jumping up and down waving his arms in the air to get their attention. Mr. Weatherbee is at Reggie with a question mark over his head.
Bobbi: Say, I had a great idea for The Blue and Gold. An interview with our local celebrity Mikeylator!
Tomoko: Great idea, chief!
Panel four: Bobbi and Tomoko are walking away completely disregarding Reggie as Reggie is pulling at his hair and stomping his feet to show how angry he is. Mr. Weatherbee looks up and is alarmed to see a giant red question mark just floating above his head.
Tomoko: We have the same free period, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. He's a really nice guy.
Reggie: Hey! I should be getting the interview! I am the local celebrity! I'm--descent on rare occasions!!
Panel one: Reggie is walking down the hallway as he is still fuming over being ignored. In the background, Mr. Svenson is opening a supply closet and is tossing the giant red question mark inside as Mr. Weatherbee smiles in approval. The supply closet is filled with various other marks of punctuations and caption boxes of various sizes.
Reggie: Those two don't know what they're missing! I'm a god amongst ants!
Panel two: Reggie starts to smile as he tries to wave them off as he turns a corner.
Reggie: What am I getting worked up about? This is Riverdale High! A cute girl is right around each corner, waiting for me!
Panel three: In the background Reggie nearly falls to the ground in shock. In the foreground, Mikeylator (who is wearing a bright blue shirt and red jeans) is signing autographs from: Betty, Veronica, Trula Twyst, Ethel, Sheila Wu, Sherry, Maria, Ginger Lopez, and The Twitters. Betty and Veronica each give him a kiss on the cheek as he blushes. Trula Twyst is writing on a notepad as she examines him. Sheila Wu and Ginger admire his fashion sense and Sherry is giving him a cheer. Mikeylator is very humble and bashful at all the attention he's getting.
Betty: And here's for conquering Six Saturdays at Sid's on 20/200/2,000 mode!
Veronica: Double the kisses mode!
Trula: So when you play games, do you feel like a different person?
Ginger Lopez: Wow. What a dresser.
Sheila Wu: I know. It just inspires you.
Panel one: Reggie looks like he's going to explode as he balls his fists and his eyes turn to flames as Dilton is about to run past him.
Reggie: I don't--I can't--how is he more popular than me!!?
Panel two: Reggie grabs Dilton by his shoulders and pulls him back so he can question him.
Reggie: C'mere you! I have questions only a nerd can answer!
Panel three: Dilton is adjusting his glasses as he points at Mikeylator as the girls surround him and he is trying his best to pass by while keeping a humble manner about him as he tries to keep them at bay.
Reggie: What's going on!? Why is that blue light special attracting high quality girls?
Dilton: Oh, Mikey? He has a series of Let's Play on Itube that are quite trendy.
Panel four: Reggie rolls his eyes as he listens to Dilton.
Dilton: He has several million subscribers and just as many twitter followers.
Reggie: Unreal. I play actual important games and this geek sits at his computer and just talks about stupid pixels...
Panel five: Reggie is confident as he thinks he's found something that he has more than Mikeylator. Reggie pats his backpocket containing his well sized wallet.
Reggie: Hah! Y'know what, he can have all the girls in the world, but he won't be able to keep them if he can't afford them!
Dilton: Um, actually...
Panel six: Mikeylator walks by as he is looking at his wallet as it is nearly bursting with money as the girls continue to follow after him and blow kisses in his direction. In the background Reggie's jaw drops as Dilton explains what is obvious now.
Dilton: Mikeylator's videos are sponsored by several corporations, so he is financially secured.
Panel one: Reggie rubs his chin with his index finger as he thinks all he money he can be making. Reggie has a thought balloon of money being downloaded out of his computer as he dances around like a lunatic.
Reggie: So a guy only has to play games on line, upload them for people to see...and he can get paid for it?
Panel two: Dilton tries to talk Reggie out of it as Reggie walks past him pumping his fist as he has a smirk across the right side of his face.
Dilton: Well, there's more too it, you have to be personable and your gaming skills need to be--
Dilton: Do I even need to glance down at the next panel to know what's going to happen?
Caption: Let's see...
Panel three: Reggie is in his room as he is at his computer and downloading Ghosty Mosty's Boo House of Fright (Ghost Mosty looks like Casper only with a wrinkled white cloth and wearing a top hat). Reggie is adjusting camera to focus on him even more.
Reggie: Set up an Itube account, downloading some "scary" game--Hah!
Reggie: Now, to start playing and let the magic happen.
Page 5 In each panel is a small box overhead to show Reggie or his room. The rest of the panel is a game so it looks like a Let's Play video. All the game shots are in first person. In the Reggie box, behind Reggie his door and various items in his room can be seen.
Panel one: Reggie is sneering at the game title: GHOSTY MOSTY'S BOO HOUSE OF FRIGHT) as the title character waves hello to him as the haunted house is behind him.. Reggie is mocking the character by having a dopey smile and waving his entire arm.
Reggie: This is the "scary game." Watching Jughead eat with his mouth open is scarier than this!
Panel two: Reggie pounds his chest as his player pushes past Ghosty Mosty to enter the haunted house.
Reggie: Outta my way. I'm exorcising your home!
Panel three: Reggie rolls his eyes at the cartoonish landscape of the haunted mansion as a goofy looking skeleton is pointing to a door on the right along a hallway with several doors on each side.
Reggie: They pull these graphics from a cartridge game? I know where to go! I'm exceptional at everything I do, bonehead!
Panel four: Reggie's character enters the door to see it much scarier and much more detailed with spider webs and green slime oozing through cracks in the dark granite wall. Reggie stops goofing around as he's taken by surprise by what he sees.
Reggie: ...Okay, this is different. Still, I'm not worried. I laugh at the face of death and snicker at Ms. Grundy behind her back. What can this game do?
Panel five: A cut out of a cartoonish zombie springs from a wall as Reggie's hair stands on end and he screams in fright.
Panel six: The same shot in the game panel. In the Reggie panel, Reggie is running out of his room terrified out of his life.
Panel one: Back to Riverdale High as Reggie is angrily walking down the hallway as Dilton waves hello to him. Reggie points behind him as he looks like he wants to punch someone.
Dilton: So how went your first experience as an online gamer?
Reggie: You got two ears and four eyes, use them, genius!!
Panel two: Behind Reggie everyone in the hallway is laughing at him. Jughead is leaning against a locker as he quips at him. Betty is trying to be nice to Reggie, but can't stop from laughing. Veronica is much more open. Archie is on his phone and watching it with Kevin Keller as both are snickering. Mikeylator looks over and shrugs his shoulder as he is just indifferent. Chuck is opening a locker as a cardboard cut out of Ghosty Mosty falls out in front of Moose and Midge. Midge is mocking Reggie by playfully hiding behind Moose as Moose plays along as he makes his teeth chatter and makes his knees buckle. Reggie turns and glares at Dilton as Dilton sheepishly rubs the back of his head and looks away from Reggie's glare.
Jughead: It was real nice of your mom to walk you back to your room, Reg Man.
Dilton: Well, in a fashion, you are more popular than you were yesterday.
Page one: A splash page split n half of Archie Andrews and Veronica.
Archie is in his car with a determined look on his face as he is driving. Archie is looking over at the reader and giving them a thumbs up to show he plans on winning today's lover quarrel. Veronica is at her mirror in her room checking herself out as she smiles confidently.
Caption: Welcome to Lover Quarrel where couples compete for dominance!
Caption: Here is Archie Andrews. All American Teen.
Caption: A fool in love. He is determined to make tonight his night.
(Split for Veronica)
Caption: Here is Veronica Lodge. Heiress.
Caption: If love is a battlefield, she's the general.
Panel one: Archie looks at his watch as he parks in the Lodge estate.
Caption: The date isn't until 8, but you're a half hour early. I see...
Panel two: Archie is waving his arms off as a ref would signal a field goal not being good as he kicks his door closed. As he does, a hubcap falls off his car unnoticed by him.
Caption: So you're not going to let Veronica set the early tone.
Panel three: Veronica is looking out her window as she smirks down at Archie.
Caption: A clever ploy, but is it enough?
Panel four: Veronica, in her casual clothess sits in a chair as she begins texting on her phone as she looks at her alarm clock that is reading 8:15
Caption: Seemingly not! This is your homefield and you'll go downstairs when you're ready.
Caption: Possibly after another ten minutes or so of texting followed by another twenty picking out the right attire, another twenty for your hair...
Panel five: Archie is unhappy as he looks at his watch angrily as he realizes they're going to be late as he sits in the living area of the Lodge Mansion as Smithers gives him a sympathetic pat on the back.
Caption: A nice try, sir, but once again, you're starting the game in a deficit.
Panel one: Archie is looking at his phone and shows it to the reader. In the background, Veronica is coming down a set of stairs.
Caption: Oh, so you have a backup plan?
Panel two: Veronica leans against the railings of the staircase as she tries to get Archie's attention. Archie isn't paying her any attention as he is texting on his phone as a smile curls across his face.
Caption: Here it is, your grand entrance. If not your natural beauty, the anticipation should have broken him...
Panel three: Veronica looks at Archie to see he is not paying any attention to her at all.
Caption: ...But no! He's playing on his phone! The nerve!
Panel four: Veronica stomps towards Archie as Archie is smiling and laughing as he nearly falls out of his chair
Caption: I wonder what's so funny?
Panel five: Veronica snatches the phone from Archie to his surprise.
Panel six: Veronica is embarrassed as her cheeks turn red. On the phone is an image of Veronica wearing a face mask, her hair all messed up and wearing a blue robe in the Cooper bathroom as Veronica in the picture protests. In the bathroom mirror, we can see Betty taking a recording Veronica with her cellphone.
Caption: Betty! Your friendemy! Supplying Archie with armaments! How will you respond to this shot across the bow?
Panel one: Veronica is bending down and yelling at Archie, right in his face as Archie has a blank expression on his face as he is tuning her out. Veronica is waving both her hands in the air.
Panel two: Veronica is holding her hair into a ponytail and doing the beheading cut throat across her neck to show what she plans to do to Betty when she sees her again. In the background, a window is beginning to crack.
Caption: The volume is enough to shatter eardrums!
Panel three: Veronica waves a fist in the air, points at Archie, and stomps her foot to show what will happen to him if he pulls this stunt again.
Caption: The harsh words--soul shattering. Any other man's confidence would have been broken...
Panel four: Veronica notices that Archie still has the same blank expression on his face as he is tuning her out. Archie has a thought balloon of a monkey balancing on a giant yellow ball to show how out of it he is.
Caption: But years of dating, has given Archie the ability to tune out Veronica. He has heard not a single word she's said!
Captain: Maybe the best offense is a good defense.
Panel five: Veronica bonks Archie on the head jolt him back to reality.
Panel six: Archie is holding his head and in pain as Veronica sneers at him while examining her nails. Archie has several red pain stairs coming from his head.
Caption: I stand corrected.
Panel one: Archie and Veronica are in Archie's car as they both have stern, determined looks on their faces. Veronica is looking angrily out the window while Archie is looking straight ahead as he holds his head where he was struck by Veronica.
Caption: What a game thus far!
Caption: As we go to our next venue, our combatants are licking their wounds...
Panel two: Veronica and Archie turn and give each other smiles as they try to show that they are having a wonderful time.
Caption: ...While putting up a front of strength.
Caption: Let's see what each young adult is thinking, shall we?
Panel three: Archie is still smiling as he has a thought balloon of himself as a He-Man like character with Veronica as a princess swooning over him.
Caption: A bit fantastical, but pumping yourself up with thoughts of inner strength and gaining the love of all will boost your confidence and motivate
Caption: But what of lovely Veronica...?
Panel four: Veronica is still smiling as she has a thought balloon of herself in army attire on a battlefield laced with barbwire, mud, and explosion going on all around her. Archie is lying on his stomach defeated as he weakly waves a small white flag. Veronica has a boot on a downed Archie's head as she drives his face deeper into the mud while holding up a flag with her face on it.
Caption: So total domination. No quarter asked, no quarter given. Love is a battlefield and only the beautiful and the bold will win!
Panel five: Archie's car is pulling into Riverdale Cinema.
Caption: Half time is over, and the second half of our contest is about to commence--
Panel one: Archie and Veronica are inside of the Riverdale Cinema as they are looking at a nearby wall and see two movie posters. One movie poster is Good Guys of the Galaxy II with the Good Guys of the Galaxy battling a rock troll. The other poster is A Love Movie with a man and woman kissing with the words (just like any other rom-com you've ever seen!!)
Caption: Ah, the choice. What movie will you two watch? You each know what genre the other prefers, will someone back down?
Panel two: Archie points at the Good Guys of the Galaxy II poster while Veronica points at the The Love Movie.
Caption: Now the true test of wills and wits begins.
Panel three: Archie and Veronica glare at each other as a teenage boy passes by the two.
Caption: Will it be the traditional staring contest?
Panel four: Veronica walks off to Archie's surprise.
Caption: No, it looks like Veronica has something else in mind.
Panel five: In the foreground, Veronica begins to flirt with the teenage boy as she pinches his cheeks as he blushes and has a dopey smile ear to ear. In the background, Archie looks on in frustration.
Caption: Aw, the jealously game! Be careful, Archie Andrews! You're falling into her trap!
Panel six: Veronica looks back and sticks her tongue out at Archie as Archie is enraged with his face turning red and steam coming from his ears.
Panel one: Archie looks at a group of teenage girls as he rubs his face as he has an idea.
Caption: A group of young, attractive ladies, no boyfriends. Fortune and circumstance have smiled upon you this day.
Panel two: Archie begins to take a step. Archie points at his head to show he's thought of what to say.
Caption: So you got it all planned out already? How you'll approach them? A joke leading to an introduction? Just be sure to put your best foot forward.
Panel three: Archie trips over his own two feet and falls on his face.
Panel four: Veronica looks back at Archie flat on is stomach as she smiles triumphantly. She is not paying the teenage boy any attention as she's more focused on watching Archie grovel back to her..
Caption: It looks like your win streak continues, Miss Lodge.
Panel five: Veronica waves off the teenage boy with one hand while looking at her watch on her left hand. The confused teenage boy dejectedly walks away.
Caption: I suppose it is just a matter of seconds before Archie crawls back to you.
Panel one: Veronica has her eyebrows raised in confusion. In the background, the group of teenage girls have gathered around Archie and are helping him up.
Caption: Wait. It looks like Archie isn't out of it yet.
Panel two: Veronica glares at Archie as the teenage girls are dusting Archie off and pulling gum off of his nose as he happily winces.
Caption: How will you respond?
Panel three: Veronica looks over to her side to see two teenage boys talking with one another as they look at a movie poster of Sam Hill.
Caption: Ah, so two can play, I take it.
Panel four: Veronica walks up to the two teenage boys as she twiddles her fingers at them to greet them as she strikes a pose.
Caption: Ah, drawing them in, getting their full attention. Excellent form.
Panel five: Veronica flips her hair, smiles, and motions with her index finger for the two teenage boys to come to her. The two teenage boys look on unmoved.
Caption: Ah, the hair flip, the rosey red lips, and the "come to me" finger wag. Your full arsenal on display!
Panel six: A dumbfounded Veronica looks on, her shoulders slumped, her arms hanging, and her jaw dropped as the two teenage boys hold hands, look lovingly in each others eyes, and walk away without giving Veronica a second thought.
Caption: Did not see that coming, did we?
Panel one: Veronica despondently looks over to see the three teenage girls flirting with Archie as Archie is all smiles. One girl pinches, Archie's freckles as she finds them cute.
Caption: Who could have predicted this turn of events?
Panel two: Veronica sighs as she begins to walk off panel.
Caption: So what is your plan, Veronica? How will you turn this around?
Panel three: Veronica is standing in front of Archie and the girls as she has her head held down in defeat as Archie twists his face in confusion.
Panel four: Veronica makes the "L is for loser" hand gesture over her head to signal defeat. Archie's eyes light up and points at his chest like a Price is Right contestant who can't believe he just won.
Caption: You did it! Archie, you won! She's conceded the battle to you!
Panel five: Archie takes a dejected Veronica by the hand as the group of teenage girls look on angrily, save for the one that liked Archie's freckles who blows kisses at him. Archie is taking giant strides as he pulls a despondent Veronica along.
Caption: You've taken your lumps and bruises over the years, but tonight victory is yours! Soak it all up, Archie!
Panel one: Archie is at the ticket vender as he holds out money to exchange for two tickets. Archie looks to his left off-panel as he is no longer smiling.
Caption: What's the matter? Shouldn't you be happy? For once, you control the date.
Panel two: Archie sympathetically looks over at Veronica who still has her head down as she sheepishly rubs her left arm.
Caption: Oh. I see. You just realized that for you to win, she had to lose.
Caption: But what can you do about it now?
Panel three: Archie walks up to Veronica as Veronica looks up.
Panel four: Archie holds up the tickets to show her it's for The Love Movie as her face lights up.
Caption: Graceful in defeat, humble in victory. You're a class act that any girl would be lucky to have.
Panel five: Veronica kisses Archie as various pink and red hearts come from the heads of both of them.
Caption: And Veronica knows it!
Panel six: Inside of the movie theater, as Veronica and Archie are in the middle aisle as Veronica is resting her head on Archie's left shoulder while Archie has his left arm over her as they both look into each others eyes lovingly.
Caption: Lovers Quarrel. Where ties are the only way to win.
Panel one: Archie is in a parlor room in the Lodge Estate as he accidentally bumps into a vase and breaks it. Veronica tries to grab it at the last second but misses it by inches.
Veronica: Archie! Watch where you're going!
Archie: Ooops. Sorry, Ronnie.
Archie: Um, you think your dad maybe didn't hear that...?
Panel two: Mr. Lodge suddenly slings up the door to the parlor room and is snarling and bent over like the Incredible Hulk as he points at Archie as Archie's face sinks back and his eyes go wide. Veronica takes a giant side step away from Archie and rolls her eyes and whistles as she acts like an innocent bystander.
Mr. Lodge: YOU!!
Panel three: Archie is being tossed from The Lodge Estate by Mr. Lodge as he lands on his belly and chin as several pain stars surround his body. One star has freckles and a bandage being put on by another pain star.
Mr. Lodge: And don't come back here or see my daughter until you meet a certain standard!
Archie: ...What standard, sir?
Panel four: Mr. Lodge slams the door as bruised and dejected Archie turns his shoulder to look back. Archie squints an eye as if slamming the door is causing him even more pain.
Mr. Lodge in the mansion: PERFECTION!!
Panel one: Archie is walking along the sidewalk as he has his hands in his pocket as he is about to kick a can in his path.
Archie: Okay, fine. Maybe I'm not perfect, but I'm at least acceptable. I'd even say I was above average...
Panel two: Archie tries to kick the can, but instead ends up tripping over his own feet as he falls backwards.
Archie: ...Lower above aver---whhooooaaa!
Panel three: Archie is lying on the ground flat on his back as he sadly looks up at the sky. A man picking up cans gets off his scooter and gives Archie a look of pure pity as he puts the can in his half filled trash bag.
Archie: Face it, Andrews. You're as far from perfection as Reggie is to humility.
Panel four: Archie is sitting on the curb as he takes out his phone and begins to explore the internet on Gaggle. In the search engine he has typed in "HELP ON BEING PERFECT." With his free hand he is holding his aching back as the pain star with freckles from before now has a point in a sling.
Archie: But hey, at least when you've hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
Panel five: Archie is on Amazing Shop Store as he sees a book titled HOW TO BE PERFECT by S.A. Fleishman. The price is $24.99. The Kindle version 10.99. Archie has a thought balloon of his money flying out of his pocket to Veronica and Jughead as he sadly looks on.
Archie: This self help book is exactly what I need, but I don't have a red cent to my name and I would never illegally download something that isn't mine.
Archie: There has to be something I can do...
Panel six: Archie is checking the How To Be Perfect out at Riverdale Library as a middle age woman with thick blue glasses and graying black hair stamps the books as she just seems happy to finally have someone at the library. At the counter are several cobwebs on books. In the background is a computer station with the old computer boxes and lines coming from the computers to a circular phone on a nearby stand.
Librarian: Thank you for coming to your local library! Please come back. It gets so lonely thanks to the wi-fi and the apps and phones that text...
Caption: That's right. Libraries do exist. Try them out.
Panel one: Archie is in his living room reading from How To Be Perfect as he gives Vegas a pat on his head as Vegas listens in.
Archie: "The first step is keeping all your entire body straight as you walk around your community for the next two hours to improve and show off your posture."
Panel two: Archie looks down at Vegas. Archie is hopeful about what his about to do while Vegas looks at him apprehensively.
Archie: Guess you can't knock it unless you try it, right, Vegas?
Vegas thinking: That's what I thought when the vet gave me my first vaccination shot.
Panel three: Mr. Andrews is opening the door as Archie walks out and smiles at him. Archie has his entire body stiff and is walking like the old school Frankstein's monster with his arms sticking out straight and walking in long strides without bending his knee. Archie has his neck held up straight. Mr. Andrews drops his briefcase as he is taken back by Archie.
Archie: Hi, dad. I'm going to go for a little walk. Tell mom not to worry about me, I'll grab a small snack at Pop's.
Mr. Andrews: ...Sure, Archie.
Panel four: Mr. Andrews looks back at Archie as Archie awkwardly walks down the street as several neighbors in their yards look on. One neighbor on a riding lawnmower is so focused on Archie, he doesn't notice he's left his yard and is about to hit a fire hydrant on the street.
Mr. Andrews: I was young once. Just like Archie is now. I remember it. But I wasn't crazy.
Mr. Andrews: ...Well, maybe crazy, but not that kind of crazy.
Panel one: Archie is walking down a sidewalk in Riverdale's business section as he seems proud of himself. Everyone on the street is looking at him. On the street is Shrill and Sherry who look on with a confused expression. Nearby a man in a business suit is watching Archie, not noticing an open man hole.
Archie thinking: This isn't even half as bad as I thought it would be!
Panel two: Archie rolls his eyes as he sees Reggie and Simon Silverstein walking towards him. Reggie has his smart phone out and recording Archie while Silverstein chuckles.
Reggie: Look at what we have here. The Walking Lame.
Simon: Too much starch in your wash there, Freckleepuss?
Panel three: Archie walks past Reggie and Simon as they both continue to laugh at him. Archie has a scowl across his face.
Archie: I don't hate the comedians, it's the bad jokes I can't stand!
Panel four: Archie has his head turn as he doesn't notice he is walking straight at Midge who is on her cell phone talking and doesn't notice Archie at all. Next to Midge is Moose who is looking at her lovingly.
Archie thinking: At least I got to deal with the worst Riverdale has to offer all at once. Should be smooth sailing from here.
Panel one: Archie doesn't notice Midge until she is right past his out stretched arms and bumps into her. The positioning looks like Archie is about to give her a hug. Moose's docile mood flips.
Panel two: Archie shifts his eyes to his right to see an angry Moose as Midge ducks under Archie's right arm and rolls her eyes to her left and shifts her lips to her left so show she is expecting something bad to happen.
Panel three: Archie tries to run the best he can without bending his legs and keeping his arms still straight as he darts and weaves around various people on the street. Moose is so confused by what he sees that his anger is completely gone as Midge stands next to Moose and looks on.
Panel four: Archie has fallen over and has his hands and tip toes on the street as he is now stuck and can't move. Moose turns to Midge.
Panel five: Moose and Midge begin to walk away arm in arm as Archie is now trying to hop on is fingers and tip toes to get away from Moose, not knowing that Moose is leaving him alone. Moose and Midge use their free hand and an index finger to swirl a circle over their heads as they both get a good laugh at Archie's antics.
Moose and Midge: Archie.
Panel one: Archie is walking into The Chocklit Shop as he is approaching the counter. Betty is at the counter drinking a small soda as she notices Archie. Pop Tate is cleaning a glass with his wash cloth behind the counter and tries not to laugh at Archie's
Betty: Archie! Um...what'cha doing?
Archie: Oh, um, I heard this helps release chakra.
Pop Tate: Don't forget to visualize a closed red flower opening surrounded by radiant light.
Panel two: Pop Tate gives Archie a small shake in one hand and a small pack of French fries in the other. Betty reaches into Archie's pocket to pull out a few dollars and change.
Archie: Um, I'll get right on that after a small fry and soda. Betts, um, I can't really reach into my pocket so could you...?
Betty: Not a problem.
Panel three: Archie look at the fries and soda in his respective hands and realizes he can't eat them without bending. Betty looks on with a giant smile on her face.
Betty: Still need help?
Archie: Yeah. If you don't mind.
Panel four: Betty is in between Archie's arms and is holding out the soda with a straw so Archie can drink. Archie has a slight smile on his face.
Betty: Not at all.
Panel five: Betty has the end of one French fry in her mouth as Archie begins to eat his way to her like Lady and The Tramp. Archie has several hearts over his head.
Betty: After all, it never hurts to help.
Panel one: Archie is carrying Chunk on his back as he tries to walk up a large hill. Chunk has his usual blank stare, scratching his nose and eating a candy bar. Archie is sweating and straining as his knees buckle as determinedly takes a step. In front of him knelt down is Raj with his camera as he takes a close up on Archie's determined, wincing face. Shrill and Sherry are walking past Archie and Chunk. Sherry is pointing at herself and at Shrill's back, signaling she wants Shrill to carry her down the hill, Shrill responds with an extended hand to signal "NO WAY"
Caption: Chapter 2: Strength. Carry three times your own body weight up and down the tallest hill twenty times.
Panel two: Archie is outside of Mr. Weatherbee's home kissing Wendy Weatherbee. Mr. Weatherbee looks outside his window and is fuming with rage. Wendy's pet snake is looking up at a tree to see a rabbit, hanging from his feet on a branch, try to tempt it with an apple. The snake is confused to what is happening. Archie shifts his eyes to Mr. Weatherbee timidly, knowing he's in for some trouble.
Caption: Chapter 3: Bravery. Stand Up To Fear: Put Yourself In Mortal Danger With Life Or Death Repercussions.
Panel three: Archie is inside of Mama B's Bakery as Archie has lost another arm wresting contest to Big Vic at the bakery counter. Big Vic is barely trying as he has his head turned and is mixing a bowl of cake mix with a wooden spoon. Vic even not trying his hardest is able to cause Archie to flip before falling to the ground. Mama B is in the background near a small dry erase board as she has filled it up with marks to show how many times Vic has defeated Archie. Jughead is looking on as he is eating a brownie and giving Archie a not so sincere thumbs up for the effort.
Caption: Chapter 4: Determination. Challenge the strongest person you can find to a test of strength and not stop until you win.
Panel four: Archie is with Jinx Malloy as disaster is heading straight for Archie at every turn. A black cat is leaping at Archie, an earthquake is ripping into the street below him, an airplane is crashing just behind him, and lightning is striking at his left foot. Archie has a look of pure terror as he has his arms over his face to shield himself from the cat and has lifted his left leg to his chest and is just standing on his right leg as he loses balance. Archie has bird poop in his hair, thorns on his clothes, and gum on the bottom of his left shoe that stretches all the way from the ground to his shoe. Jinx is happy to have company and is walking ahead, not away of anything that is happening to Archie.
Caption: Chapter 5: Generosity. Show companionship to the person who needs it the most.
Panel one: Archie is in his room lying on his bed, exhausted as he holds How To Be Perfect In A Day above his head as he begins to read it.
Archie: The last chapter!
Panel two: A low angle view as we look to the left of Archie as we read along with him the next two pages. The first page on the left reads: Chapter 6: Endurance. Stay awake the rest of the night to show you have the mental fortitude for perfection. The right page reads: Turn only if you fell asleep.
Panel three: Archie has a tired smile on his face as he is confident he can do it.
Archie: Just that? That's easy! I've got this in the bag!
Panel four: Archie has an even bigger smile ear to ear as he closes his eyes as he begins to image what being perfect will be like.
Archie: I can't wait to show Mr. Lodge the new me! Mr. Perfect. I can see it now...
Panel one: A new more muscular Archie wearing a suit and tie is walking with an awestruck Veronica as she fawns all over him and feels his muscles. Archie is using his right hand to straighten his tie. As Archie gives a giant grin, his teeth give off a giant twinkle.
Veronica: I can't believe this change in you, Archie! You're the perfect boyfriend now!
Perfect Archie: I'm perfect in everyway possible. That's why I'm Mr. Perfect.
Panel two: Archie has his hand on the Lodge Mansion door knob as he begins to open it.
Perfect Archie: Now, to show you father what perfection personified looks like.
Panel three: Perfect Archie and Veronica look on in terror as the entire mansion collapses in one giant heap.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge is beginning to dig himself out of a pile of rubble as his suit is torn and his glasses bent and broke. While this is going on an angry Veronica is glaring at Perfect Archie.
Perfect Archie: But I'm perfect now. I...I...I don't understand what happened.
Mr. Lodge: I do...
Panel five: The battered Mr. Lodge suddenly is in front of Archie and grabbing him by the collar of his suit and looking him in the eye as he screams with his mouth extended three times larger than normal. Perfect Archie has a look of pure shock on his face.
Mr. Lodge: YOU FELL ASLEEP!!!
Panel one: Archie is sitting up in bed with the book opened where he left it just beside him.
Panel two: A dejected Archie looks out the window to see the sun shining in to show that it is morning and he had fallen asleep about when he closed his eyes on the last panel of page 8.
Panel three: A hopeful Archie looks down at the book as it has landed page up right where he had left off.
Archie: Okay, just one little slip up, maybe there's a second chance, a life line, an extra life!
Panel four: A wide eyed Archie looks at the book in shock as the next two pages have large print reading: YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE.
Panel five: Archie closes the book as he has a defeated look on his face
Archie: (sigh). Mr. Medicore from his feet to his freckles to his red hair. Now and forever.
Panel one: Archie, book under his arm, is walking towards the Riverdale Library with his head held down in defeat and shame as Veronica is running up towards him holding out her smart phone.
Veronica: Archie Andrews! Where have you been! You haven't answered my texts!
Veronica: And what are all these videos of you posted online!? Especially the ones with Betty!!
Panel two: Archie sadly holds up the book as Veronica looks down at it as her eyebrows furrow to show she's beginning to get angry.
Archie: Ronnie...I checked out this book on being perfect, that way I'd be worthy of you...but I blew it.
Archie: I'm just typical at best.
Panel three: Veronica glares at Archie and points a finger at his nose as Archie bends his back over slightly.
Veronica: Typical?! Veronica Lodge does not deal in "typical".
Veronica: You're perfect just as you are and if you dare go behind my back with a harebrained stunt like this again, I'll wallop you!
Panel four: Archie has a smile from ear to ear as Veronica blushes as she shifts her eyes.
Archie: Wait...you think I'm perfect already??
Veronica: Well, your car is a jalopy fit only for the scrap yard and your choice in best friends is atrocious...but overall I wouldn't change one aspect of Archie Andrews.
Panel five: Archie is walking away with a smile on his face. In the background, Veronica is wide eyed with uncertainty.
Archie: Thanks, Ronnie! You're close to perfect yourself!
Panel six: A high angle view Archie is walking up to the steps of The Riverdale Library as a frantic Veronica follows after him.
Veronica: What's wrong? Is it my hair?
Veronica: Not enough make-up? Too much perfume?
Veronica: Archie Andrews, if you don't tell me what's wrong with me, I won't speak to you ever again!!
Panel one: A high angle view of the S.A. Fleischman estate as it is a beautiful mansion with several sports cars parked in the driveway. Around the estate is a perfect fence with the gates having his initials engraved in the middle.
Caption: Perfect home.
Caption: Perfect cars.
Caption: Perfect enclosure.
Panel two: A close up on a trophy room filled with awards and medals.
Caption: Perfect at sports.
Panel three: A close up on a 65 inch flat screen where a video game is being played of HARP (Halo remake) where the player (S.A. Fleischman) has a perfect as Leader Paramount is giving a thumbs up with purple AI female companion with a pixie cup standing over a trounced alien enemy. At the left corner of the panel we see the shoulder of S.A. Fleischman as he is wearing a blue shirt with a red sweater best.
Caption: Perfect entertainment system.
Caption: Perfect score.
Panel four: S.A. Fleischman slumps in his chair totally dejected and bored with his life even though he is surrounded by perfect works of art and in a perfect parlor that has it's own bar.
S.A. Fleischman: I. Am. So. BORED.
Let' s see $13 dog bed, $10 flea and tick spray for carpet, $10 flea shampoo, $25 flea pill, $15 depo allergy shot. All for an eighteen year old dog. And people wonder why I only review old and free comics...
But enough of my problems it's time to review STARTUP ISSUE ONE
Renee Garcia-Gibson is a single mother, a stenographer, and also over three hundred pounds. And after a day of jeers, jokes, and embarrassment, Renee is offered a chance to kick her life into overdrive. This is StartUp.
The writing: It's a neat concept and I really like Renee. It's hard not to root for a good person who just is taking grief from everyone. Her son, Malcolm doesn't want to be seen with her at school, single mom, mocked by everyone, and just nothing seemingly going her way. I like how her being a stenographer is worked into the story, like her knowing who The Cloud are and how they navigate around the law. And The Cloud is an interesting idea, a bunch of people who just want to fight heroes. And she has a great hero moment with how to deal with Glut. It's hard to not like a character that perseveres in a universe that seems to enjoy making her miserable.
And the story does what a first issue should do. Introduce the main characters, plot, theme, leave wanting more. We get a good introduction on who the supporting cast will be (son, grandmother, love interest) It's a good origin story. The humor is good, the story pacing is excellent, Renee narrating was a great idea for the story.
There is lot of moments in this comic that I think most people can relate to with how being different can lead to low self-esteem, lack of luck in love, and just various forms of embarrassment or harassment. And Darin Henry dealt with it extremely well.
The art. I'm going to be honest, I have a lot of problems with the art from Craig Rousseau for this issue, but it's not all bad. Renee is drawn well. When StartUp gets her powers the action's really good. I like the blurring of her to show her super speed. Renee looks good throughout the comic (baring the inking). And there's even a fun bit of background where a man is taking picture of Crunch while a female looks angrily at him and a family covering their eyes.
The coloring and lettering. It's okay. The colors are nice and bright. The lettering is good. I think my favorite is the school kids on page 4. I think they do cover up a bit of a major problem I had for this issue.
The art. Out of all the Sitcomics that I've read, this is the weakest of all the art. The best way to describe it is...wonky and inconsistent. Heck, just check out the candy bar on the first page for that! The people in the background are just distracting. I don't mind if you give dots for eyes or just go super simplistic...if you're consistent on it. And by that I mean, you have people in the background, they don't have noses. At least keep it that way for the page. We're not even getting that the next panels. People are missing noses, mouths, and ears. An example is page 13. And they just...weird. Like the kids on page four. What's up with that blonde kid's nose?
And the art really doesn't show the action in places. Take when Glut knees Dr. Dow. It doesn't look like there is any impact. Compare it to when Renee is fighting The Cloud and Glut. Some times the art is just...When Renee was late and barged into the courtroom, I had no idea that yellow thing was her purse. The cat in Dr. Dow's office just...it looks like a fox in one panel when it's not looking demonic.
And the inking does not help. Take Grannie Rosa. It looks like she got punched in the eye! Lines and lines on people. Yeah, they are important to distinguish age and emotions, facial expressions. But it goes overboard on several pages. Page seven sticks out as bad.
I just couldn't get into Craig Rousseau's artwork.
What I learned from What I read.
First they threw stuff at Santa Claus and then laugh at poor Renee? Why does Philly dislike the overweight so?
Overall: Yeah, out of all the first issues I've read of Sitcomics this past week, this is the weakest. Mainly because of the art and inking.
Here's the thing, I consider art the most important thing of a comic because, well, let's be honest, if it doesn't look good or appealing your probably not going to stick around for the reading.
I really like the writing, StartUp herself, the humor and social commentary. There's some good ideas focused on. The dialogue and narrative are superb. I'm not a fan of the art, but I wouldn't call it hideous. It's not the Jughead art that nearly drove me insane. Just a little below average for me.
I'd give this comic a C+
And there you have it. Overall I've enjoyed reading Sitcomics. They're fun and well written and I mostly really enjoy the art. Again I recommend going to the Sitcomics home page and taking advantages of the three downloads. Sitcomics themselves are cheap in a market where it costs an arm and leg to pick up multiple titles.
What is it that makes us love them? Our subconscious desire to eat other people? The idea of a stabilized society thrust into chaos by unthinkable and unstoppable forces? We just think zombies are cool?
Probably the latter.
A virus turning normal human beings into flesh eating zombies has hit America. Luckily, the government has been able to quarantine the outbreak to western Pennsylvania. Three million zombies and it is up to six people to tag them until a cure can be found. They are--The Z-People.
And for extra fun, a chilling tale for Barbara Macabre's Morbid Museum.
The story: Hey, if you're going to do a zombie story where there's a ton of zombie media, do something different and Darin Henry did.
It's a really good first issue. We're introduced to the characters, we're thrown right in, and we see where the series will be headed.
The characters are easy to identify: Tim's the leader, Jay's his son, Perry is the know-it-all know nothing, Sandra's the smart one, Joe's the prick mostly likely to get you killed, and Annie is the ambitious reporter now stuck in the rut with everyone else. They all have their own personality and quirks. We get basic background on them as well. Out of the three comics I've recently reviewed for Sitcomics, this has done the best job with getting the reader to know all the main characters of the series.
The humor is great. Just for someone doing what I always wanted to see: throwing the dumb jerk to the ravenous hordes after they mess up beyond forgiveness. Perry being annoying, but ending up being proven right in his definition of zombies was fun. How the characters survive is cute. And President Warner being a perfect caricature of what a the POTUS has become (No not a Trump homage...well, there is a Putin joke) pretty much just a no nothing who does the occasional pictures to make himself look good.
And I like the idea of these six people having to work together and tag zombies until a cure can be found. There is a lot of zombie media out there and this idea sets it out from the rest.
And there's a little bit of drama with Tim's wife out there among the mess of flesh eating fiends.
And the Barbara Macabre is a good homage to Tales from the Crypt. Barbara even has the same colored scheme as the animated version. And there's enough difference where I don't believe anyone call call it a ripoff. The Cryptkeeper did puns, Barbara rhymes as she tells the story.
So credit to credit's due, Darin Henry did another great job.
The art. We have art by Tom Richmond and Al Milgrom and they booth do a very good job. There style fits the stories (zombies and a tales from the crypt homage)
Tom Richmond took me awhile to get into, but after I read the story I really liked it. His zombies look great and I like the facial reactions from the main characters. Backgrounds are really well done. Even a funny background event with a zombie bursting in, Perry screaming, and then Tony just whacking it with a club. The art reminds me of the old Now Comics Married with Children comics I used to read as a kid. Art's a little quirky and may take a few pages to get into, but I think most people will end up enjoying it.
And as I stated during the writing section, we're thrown right into these people and the design and clothing of the characters pretty much gives you an idea who these characters are. For example, Sandra is wearing a white lab coat so, she's the smart one. Joe is wearing a business suit, so I had him begged as a jerk when I first saw him. Perry wearing a vest hints at him being a know it all (Trust me, I've seen a lot of smart alecks wearing vests in my life). Clothes make the man and good choices were made to help readers know the characters on the very first page.
Al Milgrom. I'm more used to him as an inker but I like his art here. The art is very old school and it fits the nature of the story. I like how Chester I drawn, just this big, disgusting waste of a human being. I like the Frankenstein monster picture hung in the boss's office and little things like Poopsie Cola. And I appreciate this story not getting disgusting to the point where I get sick reading it. I've got baaaad memories of the Toxic Crusaders comic Marvel Comics produced.
Coloring and Lettering. We get colors from K. Michael Russell and Glenn Whitmore respectively.
Russell does a great job. I really like the coloring and shading of the zombies. Just check out the first few pages with zombies, the water puddle, the moon. It's beautiful. The main, living characters really stand out from his tones. I love the colors he used when Tim just lost it on Joe after Joe destroyed the possible zombie cure.
Whitmore is just great like normal. Even has his own little nice "character enraged" panel. Before the last page, I kind of wish the story had been colored a bit darker, but then when you realize how a character is going to die....yeah, brighter was probably for the best.
Lettering was done by our favorite Marshall of Dodge City and it's the usual great job. I like the giant sound effect when the zombies are breaking into the garage and the main characters freak out. The splash of the green goo. The different colored lettering for important moments (SHUT UP, PERRY said by everyone). The Shove effect motioning like Joe as he's pushed forward was a nice touch. And I like Barbara Macabre's word balloons being darker outlined and warped. And honestly, the sound effects and how they're done, really helps get the fart jokes over for me.
Fart jokes. If you hate fart jokes, you're really not going to like The Barbara Macabre story because that's what a good portion of the jokes are. I was okay with it, but I know people who when they hear a fart joke just give up on the movie or story. Sigh, and to think it was once our greatest human achievement, but we've misused over and over.
Barbara Macabre's....where's the Morbid Museum? Okay, I get that's a fun little take on Tales from the Crypt...but since it's called "Morbid Museum" it would have been nice to have a tiny panel of museum filled with the morbid. Something like Night Gallery would work. It's a nitpick, but I think it would be great to do in the future.
The art. I like the art fine but the first few pages doesn't really add up in Z-People. Our heroes are stuck in a garage they keep making jokes about being disgusting. But it looks just fine. Perry steps in something that--just lines on the floor. I've been in horrible garages and sheds. My uncle grinds up pigs in his work shop. I will take pictures and show you what disgusting truly is!
Coloring. Don't normally bring up mistakes from Whitmore, but Barbara's one good eye keeps changing colors.
What I learned.
Man, Pennsylvania is almost as bad a place to live in as Maine. (Get the reference and be proud of yourself)
Yeah, I really liked it. The stories were good and well written with nice humor. The art really fit the formats. Honestly, I could see people not liking the second story because of the constant rhyming and the fart jokes--but let them write their own review. I really enjoyed reading this comic and I think most people would enjoy it.
Again this, and other Sitcomic titles, first issues are downloadable for free. I'd recommend giving it a chance.
I give it a B+
And next time I'll be reviewing StartUp. Will it zoom ahead or will it trail behind the rest of the pack? Find out soon.
Got a PM from the Sitcomics creator wanting me to review the first issue of his other three series, which are still downloadable from free on the Sitcomics official website. And I decided why not, since I love the inflated sense of self esteem critiquing the hard work of others brings.
I know what you guys are thinking? "PTF, how do we know you weren't bought off to give good reviews like all the other online reviewers?" Listen here, I have pride! I will be my usual fair and impartial self throughout this and all other reviews!
But on an unrelated note before I begin the standard intro--K.C. Undercover is the greatest Disney show ever. Much better than Jessie. The only thing that could possibly rival K.C. Undercover is Shake It Up. But only from 2012 to 2013.
Now that that's out of the way---
For four years, ninth graders Ernie and Marsha have tried to develop telepathic powers. And now--they have. Will Ernie get the girl? Will Marsha help Ernie cheat on tests? It's a whole new world that's open as we delve into...
TELEPATHETIC ISSUE ONE.
The story. This promoted as a "for all ages." And it definitely fits the bill. I wouldn't have a problem with any kid reading this. And the story is fun: two best friends want to develop super powers and finally get one: telepathy. The first issue sets up their lives, both are only the lower social order at school, even below band. It's a real quick read, but it's a fun read. It does most of what a first issue should, introduce the characters, grasp the theme of the series, and the direction it's going. Special note is the subtle foreshadowing and the ending. Awesome.
The characters: Well, we only get to know two of the four main characters (if going by the introduction page) but it's good.
Dirk is the easy going, seemingly confident, eccentric kid who pines for the most beautiful girl in school, but she doesn't take him seriously. And you really root for the guy. While he is a little mischievous, he's a nice kid. And we get some real depth to him. He doesn't have a great relationship with his father (who makes him walk a mile before he can have school lunch) and he opens up to Marsha when he acknowledges he's not what he wishes he was and being a superhero is the only way to get respect.
Marsha. She's more of the straightman, but she does have her quirks. She stresses about a writing contest to the point she feels like she's going to throw up. Bit of a deadpan snarker, which I like. And it's hard to not like a character who supports her idiot friend like she does.
Amy and Beth get the short end of the stick, but we get enough of them to get a good idea on their personality and disposition.
So great work by Darin Henry.
The art. Okay, I'm going to be honest, when I looked at the cover of this issue, I didn't think I would like the art style, but as I read, the art and colors of Blair Shedd became my favorite thing about the issue. I swear, when I was looking at this book, Akiko sprung to my mind. For those not as knowledgeable/not old as dirt like me, it was a fun little book in the nineties where the art style was simple, but the characters had real synergy to them. Same with Telepathetic, best seen with Dirk having to jog his mile in the hallways and the facial reactions throughout the issue.
But what Akiko didn't have going for it was color. The colors really pop. I've given Glen Whitmore heaps of well deserved praise in my reviews and this is very close to that level. The shading and lighting on characters is really good. Just how the shading of hair to the head is something that I don't see in a lot of the Big Two comics (X-Men Gold if someone wants a specific example) Even better, it would have been real easy to just go "White Room" with the Brain Hole, but it is radiant, there's energy to it. And I love the idea of yellow for the flashbacks of Marsha and Dirk trying to develop super powers.
All in all, amazing work by Blair Shedd. But there is one thing I'm more impressed by. The greatest thing I have seen in all of the issues of Sitcomics...maybe even comics I have ever read--
That vest. Seriously, how the heck did that vest with that design stay consistent throughout the entire comic?!! We still can't get an issue where the rocks that comprise Marvel's The Thing look the same after a few panels!! Even if computers were involved, I'm impressed.
Marshall Dillon. Not only does he have the greatest parents ever for giving him that name, but he's a heck of a letterer. I love the designs of the caption boxes. It says something when I go back to look at caption boxes. The sound effects are really well done, especially Adam and his misfortunes at the water fountain. Just great work like normal.
The art. I love the art, but there is one little gripe. On page nine, there's a panel where Ernie's hands are as big as his entire head. So we got a boo-boo in a park of Yogi's.
PDF Files. Adobe Reader has never been a friend.
The intro page: "Or mentally control a basketball so you never miss a shot?" That's not telepathy! That's telekinesis! They are totally different psionic powers!!!
What I learned from what I read
Amy seems like a nice girl, but she has a warped sense of humor.
Yeah, this was a really great issue. There's only the minorest of complaints. It's a really great comic that I think everyone can enjoy. And you can check out this book and other Sitcomic books as the first issues are available for free.
It's an A for this issue
And next time I'll be reviewing Z-People. Will it hold up or will it be a dead duck that feasts geese and other parkland critters? Find out soon?
All About Archie / Re: My mixed opinions on Archie main series coming back after a hiatus but renumbereJuly 10, 2018, 02:58:06 am
So there's going to be an evil Archie running around causing havoc?
Panel one: The setting is a Riverdale High School hallway as Archie is about to open his locker. Peering from a corner is Reggie who looks on with a sneer.
Reggie: Reggie Mantle, you're a no good ne'er do well, but you do bad ever so well!
Panel two: Archie is surprised as twenty small super balls leap out of his locker.
Panel three: Archie is stumbling around and falling as the bouncy balls are leaping all around him and are under his feet as he begins to trip.
Archie: Whoa! Hey! One at a time! Be fair!
Panel four: Archie falls on his backside as the bouncy balls seem to target him and begins to bounce on him as he tries to shield his head and back. Reggie looks on with a giant chuckle as several students gather around and laugh at Archie.
Reggie: Looks like you're having a ball, Freckles! Lots of them!
Reggie: Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk!
Archie thinking: I don't know what hurts worse: my pride from embarrassment, my rear because I fell, or my ears for hearing that joke!
Panel one: Archie has a rubber band tied to two ends of a hallway as he stretches the giant rubber band out as it has a water balloon on it. Several students look on with perplexed looks.
Archie thinking: I don't care if I get detention! I've been Reggie's punching bag for over three weeks! I want payback!
Panel two: Archie is focusing dead ahead as he does not notice Reggie sneaking up on him.
Archie thinking: A man can only take so much!
Panel three: Archie is still focusing dead ahead as Reggie sticks his index finger at his mouth to signal for the readers to be quiet.
Archie thinking: Where is he?! He's normally here by now so he can step on the back of my shoes while I'm walking to class!
Panel four: Archie lets go of the rubber band as Reggie yells right into Archie's ear startling him.
Reggie: BOOGA BOOGA
Panel five: Reggie is falling on the floor laughing as he points at a drenched Mr. Weatherbee who glares at Archie. In a pool of water, Mr. Weatherbee's hair piece is floating. Archie's face has gone white like he's seen death itself. In the background Chloe is taking a picture while the Twitters are on their phones.
Reggie: Ha Ha Ha! Out of all the people! Only you, Arch! Only you!
Mr. Weatherbee: Mr. Andrews. My office. NOW!
Panel one: Archie is in Mr. Weatherbee's office as Mr. Weatherbee is using a blow dryer to dry off his hair piece. Archie has his feet crossed under the chair and is gripping the arms of the chair tightly like he was about to see the executioner.
Mr. Weatherbee: Of all the juvenile, bonehead, idiotic things--!
Mr. Weatherbee: Explain yourself!
Panel two: Archie tries to explain as Mr. Weatherbee happily puts his hairpiece back on his head.
Archie: It's Reggie! For the last three weeks he's been pranking me nonstop! Spoiled milk, itching powder in my gym shorts, gluing me to the flag pole!
Archie: I just wanted a little payback!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee points at Archie to leave as Archie nearly trips over his own feet as he is getting out of his chair.
Mr. Weatherbee: Revenge does not fly in my school, nor in society! An eye for an eye leads to blindness! You've got two weeks of detention! Now hurry to you next class.
Archie: Yes, sir...
Panel four: Ms. Grundy is walking into Mr. Weatherbee's office as Archie has his head and arms lowered and his back arched as he looks totally defeated. Mr. Weatherbee waves it off.
Ms. Grundy: Seems you threw the book at him, Waldo.
Mr. Weatherbee: He launched a water balloon at me! Fair's fair!
Panel one: Ms. Grundy is talking with Mr. Weatherbee as Mr. Weatherbee looks over behind his desk at a box filled with various pranks like rubber chicken, paper airplanes, rubber chickens, and whoopee cushions. Just anything you want to throw in.
Ms. Grundy: Spoken like a rational adult!
Mr. Weatherbee: I admit Reggie has far endeared himself as the class clown, but wanting to get back at someone is petty and disruptive.
Panel two: Ms. Grundy is smiling at Mr. Weatherbee as Mr. Weatherbee folds his arms and looks away.
Ms. Grundy: I'm not excusing Archie's actions...but I can't help think back to my days in high school when a certain boy was the butt of someone else's fun.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hmph. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Panel three: Ms. Grundy is walking away as Mr. Weatherbee rolls his eyes upwards as a thought balloon begins to appear over his head.
Ms. Grundy: I'm just saying maybe a certain someone should be more sympathetic to his plight.
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee has a thought balloon of several pranks pulled at his expense by a big nosed kid with curly hair to a teenage version of himself. One image has the big nose teen clanging cymbals right behind Teenage Weatherbee's ear. The next image has Teenage Weatherbee slipping on a banana peel as the big nose kid eats a banana. The next image is winter where Teenage Mr. Weatherbee has his nose frozen on a flag pole as the big nose kid laughs at him. The final image is Teenage Weatherbee talking with Teenage Grundy as the big nose kid puts a frog down the back of his shirt.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hmmm...
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee cups his hands over his chin as his stern facial expression eases.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee looks at the box of pranks.
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee turns back to his desk and taps his nose with his index finger as he begins to think as he uses his other hand to go in the intercom.
Mr. Weatherbee: Ms. Philips. Please call Archie Andrews to my office.
Ms. Philips. On the dot, sir.
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee has his hands clasped as he leans in his chair as he has the box of pranks on his desk as Archie enters his office.
Archie: You wanted to see me, sir?
Mr. Weatherbee: Yes. As I was sitting here, I thought of a new punishment for you to teach you against pulling absurd pranks on school grounds.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee motions at the box of pranks on his desk as Archie walks up to his desk.
Mr. Weatherbee: As a symbolic act that you understand pranks, gags, and shenanigans have no place in Riverdale High, I want you to dispose of these years of collected "humorous" items.
Panel two: Archie frowns as he begins to take the box, but Mr. Weatherbee holds up a hand to stop him.
Archie: I'll just place them in the dumpster out back and head back to detention sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie. You are not listening to me.
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee has a mischievous smile on his face as he talks to a confused Archie
Mr. Weatherbee: I don't want these on school grounds. PERIOD. You can take them anywhere else and do with them as you may as long as its not here.
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee winks at Archie as he punches his open hand with a fist. Archie is all smiles as Archie reaches for the box.
Mr. Weatherbee: Understand?
Archie: Do I!
Panel five: Archie dashes out of Mr. Weatherbee's office with the box of pranks as Mr. Weatherbee turns his chair to the side and leans back as he has a smile from ear to ear.
Archie: After detention, I'll take care of it right away, sir!
Mr. Weatherbee: That's a good boy.
Panel one: Reggie is sitting at a chair at The Chocolate Shop as he leaps out of his seat in alarm as it sounds like he farted. The panel should be a lower view to show that a small walkie talkie is taped to the seat. In the background, we can see Archie making the nose. Jughead is walking by Reggie, pinching his nose while eating a burger.
Panel two: Reggie is talking with Veronica in Pickens Park as an air plane with a small chute at the bottom drops several ice cubes down Reggie's back as Reggie's tilts his body back and shivers. Veronica looks on with a smile.
Panel three: Reggie is running down a district of Riverdale past Moose and Midge as he has several toy teeth biting his rear. Moose nearly falls over laughing as Midge has to hold him up while giggling at Reggie.
Panel four: Reggie is in his bathroom looking in a mirror to see that the shampoo he washed his hair with has turned his hair purple.
Panel five: Archie is outside of Reggie's house in the early morning as Reggie has a ball cap over his head as he is just outside. Archie is peeking from the side of Reggie's house as he blows on a dog whistle. Reggie is confused as he is holding up a T-bone steak left out for him that reads: FOR REGGIE.
Panel six: Reggie is being pounced on by Hot Dog, Rebel, Runty, Vegas, and several other dogs as they try to get the steak.
Panel one: A happy Archie is walking down the hallway as he waves hello to an arriving to his office Mr. Weatherbee who is wearing a long coat and hat.
Archie: Hello, Mr. Weatherbee.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie.
Mr. Weatherbee: I trust you took care of that rather nasty box.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee and Archie turn their heads as a battered, bruised, tattered clothes wearing, purple haired Reggie is staggering towards them.
Panel three: Reggie looks at Archie in pure fright.
Panel four: Reggie begins to run away from Archie as several students move out of the way of the panicking Reggie. Mr. Weatherbee is pretending that he is covering his mouth for a cough while he is secretly laughing at Reggie.
Archie: Yes. Yes, I did.
Panel one: Stewart is drinking the soda as he curls his lips while keeping his chin on the stirring wheel as he tries super hard to act like he's a tough guy like Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry.
Stewart: Got my wheels, got my attitude set to testicular fortitude--
Panel two: A shot on the street to see Stewart just a few streets away from the source of the red spell smoke as the cloudy sky begins to clear up with a hint of the moon now in view of the reader. Behind the car Vera is chasing after the mostly undressed fanboys of Surfer Dude and Rat Man.
Stewart in car: --Got the place I need to be in my line of sight!
Vera: Get back here! I haven't even shown you my bomp!
Rat Man fanboy: This has to be a dream! I don't know how I got to this! This has to all be a dream!
Surfer dude fanboy: If her "bomp" is like her "crunch" it's a living nightmare!
Panel three: Stewart looks over at a pet shop as he has a light bulb being screwed in by several stick figures. Coming out of the pet shop is a man cstruggling with a fifty pound bag over his shoulders while he leaves with a small dachshund on a leash. The name of the pet shop is Pat's Pet Pitt Potpourri (Say that ten times really fast in store, half off your purchase,) In front of Stewart, further along the street, the fanboys are throwing rocks at Vera to try and keep her back to no avail as she uses her arms as shields and keeps moving forward.
Stewart: And that gives me an idea crazy enough to work.
Panel one: A shot of the run down Mr. Sweeps as Stewart is Aaron's car is beginning to slowly drive into view. The building has seen better days as the Mr. Sweeps character is now very warped and scary looking, the building has decayed and been unkempt. The red smoke is beginning to disperse as the last cloud over the moon fades away. One side of the building has an open window.
Videl inside: Finally, the die has been cast, the last obstacle cleared, now begins my renewed youth!
Panel two: Videl is sideways in the foreground as she is walking away from the new empty cauldron. A disappointed Pagan is looking in to see if anything is left. Pagan has a thought balloon of fish bones with a giant X over where the eyes used to be.
Videl: Are you two ready?
Panel three: Jess and Kelly are glaring straight ahead as they both are irritated at Videl's comment.
Kelly: "Are you two ready?" Like we have a choice!
Jess: At least give us a last request. Ram your head into that wall until your brain bleeds out.
Panel four: Videl waves her hand as the brooms holding the girls captives begins to tilt as they rise towards the hole beaming moonlight into the warehouse. In the background a scent begins to come from the open window and gets Pagan's attention as he has hearts over his head.
Videl: Heh. Amusing are they not, Pagan?
Panel five: Pagan begins to leap out the window as Videl scoffs at him.
Videl: Oh, go about the night if that's your desire. As for me...
Panel six: The girls are hanging over head with their shadows casting on the ground just at Videl's feet as Videl looks on with a sneer as the girls twist and turn trying to break free as their chains cause enough slack to lower them down to the point their shackles are just a their heads.
Videl: I will be beautiful again.
Kelly: Not on the inside where it counts!!
Panel one: Pagan is just outside as he sniffs around with a giant happy smile on his face like a drunkard looking for another can of beer in the fridge.
Panel two: Pagan's eyes light up in joy.
Panel three: Pagan is happily going through a bag of catnip as Stewart looks on as he tips his hat trying to look super cool.
Stewart: A magic cat is still a cat no matter what.
Stewart: Now, for the next part of my ingenious, well thought out plan.
Panel one: Over the shoulders of Jess and Kelly as they twist and turn as they try to burst free. Videl is casting her spell with her eyes closed as red energy gathers around her and lifts up her head and dirty gray hair. The girls shadows are stretching over Videl.
Videl: Oh ancient spirits of the night, venture forth hear my plight. Worms in ground, crows in sky; tell time a viscous lie--
Kelly: Jess! These shackles just won't break!
Jess: I know! I know!
Panel two: A close up on Jess's face she notices the key hole to her shackles close to her head.
Jess: Kel, look!
Kelly: But we don't have anything to pick the lock.
Panel three: Jess extends her fangs and uses her left fang to pick the lock to her first shackle as Kelly looks on impressed.
Jess: Wanna bet?
Kelly: Holy Houdini, Dracula Woman! You're my hero.
Jess: Hey, the fangs, cape, and thong aren't for show.
Panel four: A close up on Jess's face as she is curly her mouth and trying to go as fast as she can.
Videl Below: One final word to my request upon he of pitch fork and cloven hoof--
Jess thinking: I swear, if I get out of this, I'll give Trevor his date. Ands for Stewart I'll--
Panel one: Stewart crashes the car into the building bursting through, startling Videl as she opens her eyes and stops. The air balloon erupts from the stirring wheel as Stewart arms and hat are jarred into the air. In the air Jess has freed her left hand while Kelly continues to work on her first shackle. Kelly happily looks at Stewart.
Jess thinking: --Stay the course: barely tolerate his existence!
Kelly: It's Stewart!
Panel two: Videl takes several steps out of the girls' shadows as she looks fiercely at Stewart. Stewart flops out of the wrecked car on his stomach as he still points a finger towards Videl.
Videl: WHAT ARE YOU AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??
Stewart: I'm a Stewart and I was trying to run you over with this car...
Stewart: ...but walls are a lot harder than I thought.
Panel three: Stewart has his fists raised as he prepares to battle Videl in hand to hand combat throwing punches at the air. And the punches have the most weakest, barely visible sound effect ever adorning them.
Videl: You are an idiot.
Stewart: Maybe, but you're old. Like Michael Douglas old. Bet you couldn't conjure bad breath right now. Me? I'm in my prime. And I've been hit enough to know how punching works.
SFX wf wf
Panel four: Stewart is charging at Videl as Videl glares at him. Stewart has his balled up fists raised over his head and circling around his head.
Panel five: Videl casually slaps the taste out of Stewart's mouth, knocking his jaw the opposite of his head as Stewart is knocked out.
SFX: T K O
Panel six: Videl turns her head to see Jess and Kelly almost free with Jess breaking the last restrain (her left ankle) while Kelly is desperately working on her last ankle shackle. Videl's face twists in anger as she sees her goal slipping away.
Jess: Kelly, hurry!
Kelly: I'm trying, Jess, I'm trying--!
Videl: No! Not when I'm so close!
Panel one: A close up on Videl's getting back into the two vampires shadow only with Jess's shadow almost gone as she begins to drop to the ground.
Panel two: A close up on Videl's nastily dried up lips as she mouths the final word.
Panel three: A close up on Jess's boots hitting the ground.
Panel four: A bright red light engulfs Videl.
Panel five: During the red light, Kelly's boots land on the ground followed by the brooms and shackles.
Panel six: Just outside as Pagan looks up from inside the bag of catnip as the red light is shining out the window like a beacon.
Videl inside: YES!
Panel one: From the point of view of Videl as he looks at her right hand to see it's returned to her youth.
Videl: Once again, I am my gorgeous, beautiful self...
Panel two: Same as the other shot only now Videl is holding out her left hand to see that it is old and withered like it was before.
Videl: What? My voice...why does it sound....
Panel three: A shot of Videl as the right side of her is restored to her youth at the beginning of the story and her left is left as the old crone. Jess and Kelly look on as they are prepared to fight. Behind Videl, Stewart is coming to as he has several stars over his head.
Videl: WHAT HAVE YOU VAMPIRES DONE TO ME??
Stewart: Wh...? ...yah don't look half bad ta me...
Panel four: Videl is punched on her young face by Jess.
Jess: Sounds to me like you're a glass half empty type of a person!
Panel one: Videl is on the ground holding her face as Jess reasons with an upset Kelly as Stewart wobbles over towards the girls. Through the hole Stewart created Pagan is sprinting towards the injured Videl.
Kelly: Jess! She's an old lady!
Jess: No. She's middle age. And I punched the young side.
Kelly: ...Works for me.
Stewart: Hey, girls, just came to. Rescue's going well, huh?
Panel two: Kelly, Jess and Stewart look to see red smoke forming around Videl as she cradles a more demonic looking Pagan. Videl's eyes are glowing red: her right eye much brighter than her left.
Videl: You fools will pay for making me a monstrosity! A freak!
Videl: I swear, I will return and when I do--
Panel three: High angle shot. Videl and Pagan disappear as the smoke disperses as our heroes look on.
Word balloon over the smoke: --I will tear your souls asunder!
Panel four: Kelly, Jess, and Stewart look on with blank expressions.
Kelly: Y'know, I just thought of something--
Panel five: The three character just talk casual as if they're lives hadn't been threatened.
Kelly: I don't think she ever told us her name.
Stewart: Don't look at me. You two hung out with her longer than I did.
Jess: Her cat's name is Pagan.
Panel one: Inside Trevor's room. Trevor (in his regular clothing) is sitting on his bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands as he looks sadly across his bed at the number one issue of Captain Courageous. Lying on the ground is the remains of his Captain Courageous costume. In the background to the right of the panel is the door as someone is knocking on it.
Trevor: I'm sorry Capt'n C. Sure I work out, floss, and have thighs that can crack oaks, but I disgraced everything you believed in.
SFX: Knock knock
Panel two: Over the shoulder of Jess as Trevor opens the door. He is surprised to see her. Jess is in regular clothing, a shirt and jeans.
Panel three: Still over the shoulder of Jess as Trevor looks sorrowful at her.
Trevor: Babe...Jess, I know you hate every shredded muscle of my bod, and I understand and I need to tell you something--
Panel four: Jess points at Trevor as she is stern with him. Trevor is taken by surprise.
Jess: We're seeing a late night movie. It's a rom-com. You buy the snacks. And no phones during the movie. I hate that. Everyone with common decency hates that.
Panel five: Jess smiles slightly as she rolls her eyes as Trevor is all smiles.
Trevor: Is this a date?
Jess: Yes. But it's not a calendar. Understand? Just a one time thing.
Trevor: So it's like Christmas and you're my present!
Panel one: Inside of the RHO RHO RHO Sorority house as Vera, Stewart, and Kelly are in the living quarter as each is sitting on chair or sofa as they are each reading different comics. Vera has a Surfer Dude and Rat Man comic as she looks disdainfully at the pages. Stewart is reading a graphic novel Pasture which has a Jesse Custer farmer on it. Kelly is reading a graphic novel titled The Never Ending Tale....Limited Series Event. Stewart is smiling as he feels proud of himself as Kelly congratulates him.
Vera: "Sharks." "Mouse traps." I'll tell you what their real weakness is: too much woman to handle.
Kelly: Thanks for the save, Stewart. And I'm sorry you didn't get to become rich after selling off your dream.
Stewart: Don't worry about it. I actually got to be a hero. And nothing will ever take this feeling from me.
Stewart: 'Sides. Who needs money when you have friends and comics?
Stewart's phone in his pocket: Awesome lips, amazing abs!...Ladies sit on daddy's lap!...
Panel two: Stewart is groaning as he looks at his phone and pressing a button on his phone.
Stewart: Oh great. It's "Aaron".
Stewart: Thanking me for selling him my amazing creation and has some stupid link to click on--
Panel three Stewart is wide eyed.
Panel four: Stewart slinks in his chair passed out as Vera and Kelly rush to him. Vera is rushing towards Stewart while Kelly looks down on the ground at Stewart's phone.
Vera: Baby! What happened? Did you inhale and exhale too hard again?!
Panel five: Kelly is in the foreground as she holds up the phone so the readers can see that the phone has an image reading: DRACULA WOMAN AND FANG GIRL NEWEST KNITFLICK SERIES. In the background Vera is violently shaking the fainted Stewart as his arms and legs move around like a ragdoll.
Kelly: Wow. Stewart had a great idea after all--
Kelly: --But a real great idea is to tune in to the next issue of Super Suckers.
THANK YOU FOR READING.
Inside of a dilapidated broom store. With broken shelves and various broomsticks in various states of condition lying around. Jess and Kelly are on the ground unconscious as Videl as seen in the last issue is standing over them with Pagan on her shoulder. Looking through a window is Stewart and Bumpy the Vampire as both have worried expressions. The roof has an opening with a giant cloud over the full moon.
Caption: Jess and Kelly. Are two favorite vampires. Coaxed into booth girls, the two were captured by an evil witch.
Caption: Videl. Previously mentioned evil witch who wants to use the two vampires to restore her youth for another fifty years.
Caption: The full moon. It's there. I swear.
Caption: Pagan. Videl's familiar and fur where no flea or tick dare tread.
Stewart. Comic geek, failed franchise achiever, and the only hope for our heroes!
Bumpy the Vampire. I know, I know, you've all done your part. But can you us locate this mischievous relic of the golden age past just one more time?
Page 1: Black and White save for mentioned items and their colors.
Panel one: An overhead shot broom store in a very isolated area. With only a few warehouses seen in the distance. The neighborhood is on the decline. The broom store is named Mr. Sweeps Magic Sticks. Over head is a brook wearing an afro waving hello. It should look fairly kept up. The roof has a giant hole cut into it as the full moon is up over head.
Caption: Summer 1968
Videl inside of the shop: You might not believe this, but once this area was all forest. All trees miles either way you looked. Save for a cabin.
Videl Inside of the shop: Right on this spot.
Panel two: Inside of the Mr. Sweeps, we can see two male vampires chained up so their shadows are spreading just at the feet of a cloak wearing. The two vampires look like and Rowan and Martin from the TV show Laugh-in. Their shirts are a mock turtle neck and contrasts panels cardigan. Videl looks to be in her forties and has her hair longer over her shoulders and wearing a hippy headband. Pagan is batting around a Chatty Cathy doll as in the distance as he's more interested in playing.
Videl: I suppose I grew nostalgic after all these years.
Videl: Not the only reason. Great location. Isolated, but within proximity of new prey.
Videl: I use brooms quite often given my life choice.
Panel three: Videl looks up at the scared out of their wits vampires as she steps into their shadows with her hand extended both growing red with magic.
Videl: But mostly--
Videl: --Thinking back on all these treasured moments, is the only thing that seems to warm my withered, black heart in the slightest.
Martin looking vampire: Lady, we didn't do anything to you. After you get what you want, you'll let us go, right?
Panel four: A close up on Videl's face as she closes her eyes and has a wicked grin from ear to ear. All around her is red energy that illuminates her out of black and white.
Videl: Heh. That's what the owner said before I turned him into a mouse and fed him to my cat.
Videl: Yes, I believe I will close my eyes and reflect warmly on this night often in the years to come.
Panel one: A close up on Jess maskless's face as she finally begins to wake from unconsciousness. In the background leading to her head is the nightmare she was having. The nightmare is in red and black drawn very cartoonishly with a repeated different images on several takes about what happened to her at the convention: Several warped pictures of Videl Lilit laughing, various images of Pagan as a cat and as a panther laughing, a few images of Trevor crying, an image of Stuart with a derpy looking face, and images of a broom sweeping to show how she got knocked out.
Kelly off panel: Jess--!
Kelly off-panel: Jess--
Kelly off-panel: WAKE UP!!!
Panel two: We now see the situation Jess and Kelly (also maskless) are in. They are being held captive in place by two flying broomsticks each with shackles on their wrists (upper brooms) and ankles (lower broom) They are currently two feet off the ground. They are in an old broom store (Mr. Sweeps) with the roof of the building having the same hole exposing the night sky as a cloudy night is covering up the full moon as it beams light on them. In front of them is smoking cauldron filled with green boiling slime and various things (eyes, unicorn horn, and whatever else you can think of) Around the room is bits of broken old brooms and straw along with two piles of vampire bones (The two late sixty vampires). Jess is straining as she tries to break free as Kelly turns her head to talk to her. In front of them, Pagan is looking at them as he walks back and forth, almost like a guard dog.
Kelly: Are you okay?
Jess: I'm dressed like this, got kidnapped by a witch and woke up chained up in a room that would make Michael Myers crap his pants with an ominous cauldron bubbling right in front of me.
Jess: Let's just say I could be better.
Panel one: Jess is trying to break free again as she strains all her muscles and tightens here face. The chain shackles have enough slack to where the shackles can get right to her face cheeks but do not break. Kelly is talking with Jess casually.
Kelly: It's even worse than that...
Jess: uhhhhhrr. How so?
Panel two: Jess is wide eyed as she stops as Kelly tells Jess what she sees as a problem.
Kelly: Look at us! We're unmasked! She knows our secret identities!
Panel three: Jess turns to Kelly and glares at her as Kelly face sinks in as she realizes how stupid what she said was.
Panel four: Jess frowns and curls her lips as she lets her body go limp as Kelly smiles and tries to apologize.
Kelly:Oh. Sorry. I'm just really into the whole superhero thing.
Panel five: A lower angled view of a cloaked figure wearing purple and black as she gingerly walks towards them, using a broom as support. Pagan gives up his vigilance and happily heads towards the figure.
Videl off-panel: Oh. You're both awake. I hope you're both comfortable, but not too comfortable.
Panel one: A shot between the bodies of Kelly and Jess as they look on at the robed Videl. Only Videl's hooded, concealed head can be seen at the right of the panel. Videl begins to pull down her hood as we can see her hands are old and mostly just skin and bone.
Kelly: Look, lady, we don't know who you are but--
Panel two: A close up on Videl's face as she now looks eighty year old with her nose crooked with a wart on it, he skin wrinkly, and her golden hair has turned into a tangled grey haired mess. She is also hunched over and has lost several inches of height. She looks almost unrecognizable from the at least human like looking Videl from the last issue. Pagan is beginning to jump up to return back to Videl's shoulder.
Panel three: Kelly and Jess are confused as they can hardly recognize Videl from the last issue to how she appears now.
Kelly: ...Wow. I really don't know who you are.
Jess: That or we were both knocked out longer than I thought.
Panel four: Videl angrily looks at her hands to see how old she has gotten.
Videl: Yes, I am a sight aren't I? Just looking at these withered hands fills me with utter rage--
Panel five: She points her finger at the two vampires as Jess glares back and Kelly looks on confused.
Videl: --But luckily I have all I need to turn back the hands of time right in front of me.
Jess: Tick tock.
Panel one: Videl is walking towards Kelly and Jess as Kelly talks to Videl as Jess tries to free herself. Videl pays Jess an amused smirk and begins to move the handle of the broom towards her face.
Kelly: What are you talking about?
Videl: It's very simple really
Panel two: Videl has the handle of the broom under Jess's chin raising it as Jess becomes angry and bares her fangs out as she glares down at her.
Videl: I've lived for centuries, all thanks to vampires and a spell of my own discovery.
Videl: On the night of the first summer full moon, when the enchantment is spoken, the shadow of two vampires will eclipse upon me and restore me to my youth.
Jess: And what, your spell drains our youth? We end up looking like a potato left to rot?
Panel three: Videl walks away from the girls as Jess continues to glare at Videl. Kelly continues to talk. Videl is waving with her hand as it glows a dim red to show how weak her magic is getting. Pagan turns and sticks his tongue out at the girls.
Videl: No. The rejuvenation process is painless as a gentle summer breeze.
Kelly: Wait, why kidnap us? I mean, why not approach us and go, "hey, I won't cause you problems if you just stand still and let me say something".
Videl: Because I enjoy the suffering of others--
Panel one: Videl motions with her hand as it barely sparks any red magic. Out of the darkness a doctor's tray wobbles towards Videl. The tray is filled with various size scalpels, a machete, scissors, and dull hedge clippers.
Videl: --And you do have value in other ways to me.
Videl: You wouldn't believe how much vampire fangs, skin, and spleens go for in the goblin market.
Panel two: A close up on Videl's face as her eyes flash wickedly. On her shoulder, Pagan licks his lips and claws at the air to symbolize what is going to happen to the two vampires.
Videl: And whatever remains...
Videl: I spoil him ever so.
Panel three: Videl walks away as Kelly and Jess lean over to talk to one another as Videl focuses on the cauldron.
Videl: But before we get to that, this inauspicious weather must be dealt with.
Kelly: I really don't like her.
Jess: Yeah, she's not on my Christmas card list either.
Panel four: Jess is trying to bite through her right chain while Kelly looks up at the hole in the roof to see the clouds blocking the full moon. In the background, Videl is stirring her cauldron brew as it begins to bubble and boil over and a small dragon claw and a leprechaun hat poke to the top of the brew. Pagan is begging for food while Videl tries to move him away from the cauldron
Kelly: She making an anti-cloud spell?
Jess: What I'm thinking.
Jess: Ow! Stupid chain! Nearly chipped a fang!
Panel five: Kelly turns to Jess full of hope as Jess hangs her head down in utter defeat.
Kelly: Hey, Stewart's still out there. He'll save us.
Jess: (sigh) You really believe that?
Kelly: I believe Kim Kardashian is a celebrity. There's nothing I won't believe in.
Panel one: Splash page of Stuart running out of the Convention Hall as he nearly knocks over someone dressed like the Blue Baron and some fat guy dressed as Bumble Bee Man. Stuart is in a state of panic as he tilts his head back and screams out into the night. In his left hand is one of his comics of Vampire Woman as it flaps open. Somewhere hiding is Bumpy The Vampire.
Stuart: Jess and Kelly are dead or going to die!!!
Panel one: Stuart is sobbing as some random guy dressed as a purple kaiju approaches Stewart to congratulate him.
Stewart: My own hubris has gotten my two friends killed!
Purple kaiju: Great show. Don't know how you did it.
Stewart: With horrible hubris!
Purple kaiju: You're Scottish?
Panel two: Stewart looks over to see a depressed Trevor walking along wearing with his shield dragging on the ground as he is slumped over and on the verge of tears.
Stuart: Trevor! What are you doing here?!
Trevor: I thought I was going to get Sal Solomon's autograph--
Panel three: Trevor begins to rise up and stick out his chest as he cries large tears. Stewart grasps at his chest as he tries to get him to focus as he is a mix of relieved and overjoyed that he might have help.
Trevor: --Instead I betrayed my buff babe and the boss I have sex with for some booth girl floozy! Even my swoll bod is not worthy of the symbol of awesomeness I wear!
Stuart: Who cares?! I need a hero right now!!
Panel four: Trevor sniffles his left nostril as snot runs down it and a disgusted Stewart lets go of him and takes a step back.
Panel five: Trevor drops his shield and shirt on the ground, ala the famous scene of Peter Parker quitting being Spider-Man.
Trevor: I ain't no hero.
Trevor: I'm a toe jam bathed in dog poop, dried with hairy arm pits that just got drafted by the Cleveland Browns.
Panel six: In the foreground Stewart is yelling back at Trevor as Trevor continues to walk along with his head hold down. Across the pavement various homages of superheroes let him pass as they all lower their heads as if mourning.
Stewart: That's still better than what I am!!
Panel one: Vera is leaving the convention center with the Surfer Dude and Rat Man cosplayers on each arm as she struts her stuff and takes in the attention she is getting.
Surfer Dude: Babe-a-rama, anything we can do for you?
Vera: Rizzo can do that voice again. And you...just show off those muscles and let me play some beach blanket bingo!
Stewart: Well, now I feel worse...
Panel two: Stewart is running up to Vera as Vera is kissing Surfer Dude's abs and leaving kiss imprints diagonally. Rat Man is looking ridiculous as he strikes the Batman pose with his cape.
Vera: Mhhhmm. Ab 2.
Stewart: Vera! Vera!
Guy dressed as Rat Man: Doorrrr yourrrr knowrrrr himrrrr?
Panel three: Vera suddenly twists her body and hugs Stewart catching him by surprise and not able to get a word in. She is squeezing him so hard he looks like a tube of tooth paste with his head turning red and his cheeks turning purple to show the air being knocked out of him.
Vera: Lamb's Lettuce! I was just thinking of you, boo. You know how we're okay with seeing other people as long as we come back to one another?
Vera: Well, I'm going to see a lot of these two and I'll come back to your precious adorable self and tell you all about it!
Panel four: Stewart is on his hands and knees grasping for breath as Vera is being walked away by the two hot guys dressed as Rat Guy and Duper Dude.
Vera: That's Stewart. I told you about him. He's great. Love him to death. Now why don't we go somewhere and let's put that underwear outside in. With my teeth.
Panel one: Stewart is sitting on the sidewalk as he dusts his hat off.
Stewart: Who am I kidding? What's the point of getting help when I don't even know where to go?
Panel two: Stewart looks up in the sky to see a streak of red smoke heading towards the cloudy sky. The red smoke seems to be coming from the lower end of Dung Hill.
Stewart: Well, thank you switching to LCD bulbs, Commissioner Gordon.
Panel three: Stewart suddenly burst to his feet as he walks off determined with his index finger sticking out like he's lecturing fate to back off.
Stewart: So it's up to me to battle a witch. Fine! Stewart Noss can beat up a woman!
Stewart: Nothing will stop me!!
Panel four: In the parking lot, Stewart has both hands on Jess's car door as he tries to open the locked door. Stewart is straining with all his might and is on his heels as he is being dragged towards the car to show how badly he's doing. On the ground near the front wheel is Stewart's Dracula Woman comic.
Stewart: Why would anyone lock their doors in this perfectly safe community!!?
Panel five: Stewart is nearly on his knees as he still holds onto the handle as all his strength has faded.
Stewart: Might need a new strategy.
Panel one: Stewart is weakly elbowing the window of the driver side as Aaron Rodriguez is about to go into his car and looks over at Stewart.
Aaron: Hey, man. Great floor show and that comic is going to take off!
SFX: whum whum whum
Aaron: Are you trying to steal a car?
Stewart: No. It's my friend's car. You can't steal from a friend, you can only borrow.
Panel two: A close up on Stewart's face he is annoyed by Aaron as Aaron gets into his car.
Aaron: Maybe you should take the bus?
Stewart: I sunk all my money in my comic and buffing out my hat! Look, just make like a bee and buzz off.
Aaron: Don't you mean, "like a tree and buzz off?"
Stewart: My version makes more sense!
Stewart whispering: Some people--
Panel three: Stewart's eyes light up as he has a thought balloon of Aaron's car (labeled "some jerk's car" with a + sign with a muscular image of Stewart kissing his oversized muscles with the equation ending with Muscular Stewart in the car only now it has jet propulsions and looks similar to the batmobile. The car is now labeled "HERO'S CAR!"
Panel four: Stewart is rolling over the hood of Jess's car in the most uncool way possible as he waves his comic around. Aaron looks on in confusion and tilts his head as he unbuckles his seat belt as he just goes along.
Stewart: Hey! Wait! I've got a deal for you that will change your life!!
Panel one: Stewart opens the door to Aaron's car as he shows his comic with his name sign on it with a sentence reading, "I Stewart give all license to my creative property.
Stewart: Look, tonight was great, but I realized that I'm just not into this whole comic thing. I'd rather be in your car!
Panel two: Stewart begins to yank Aaron out of the car.
Stewart: Yeah, so how about we make a deal...
Stewart: ...yeah leave the keys in the ignition...
Stewart: ...I'll give you the rights to all of Dracula Woman and Fang Girl for the low, low price of your car and everything in it-- is that soda in the cup holder diet?
Panel three: Stewart is driving away holding out his hand out the window to form an "L" for loser as he streaks away. Aaron still hopelessly nice waves goodbye to Stewart.
Aaron: Wow. He gave up his creative property and "L for luck!"
Panel four: Aaron looks at the Dracula Woman Comics as he wonders what to do.
Aaron: If only it was that simple ...
Panel five: Aaron turns around to see a man in a business suit walking towards him with a contract. Aaron is all smiles.
KnitFlicks producer: Excuse me, young man.
KnitFlicks producer: I'm a producer for KnitFlicks and we're looking for new creative properties. You wouldn't happen to know where I could find the creator of Dracula Woman and Fang Girl, would you?
Caption: We will return after these brief messages.
Dracula Woman and Fang Girl.
Panel one: A cinematic shot of Planet Vlad being blown up by a high tech werewolf head war craft.
Caption: Ville Villains.
Caption: A World Lost.
Panel two: Werwolves wearing space suits have chased a couple into an alley way.
Caption: A New Breeding Ground.
Panel three: The couple is backed against the wall as the space werewolves bare their fangs
Caption: Helpless prey.
Panel four: Suddenly two female shadows fall over the space werewolves causing them to turn their heads.
Panel five: A shot of Dracula Woman and Fang Girl as they strike a pose. The look different from the comic as they are dressed more modern and Fang Girl is now Hispanic with yellow highlights.
Dracula Woman: Don't you boys know there are leash laws in this city?
Fang Girl: Ignorance of the law is no excuse on our world and this one!
Panel one: The space werewolves lunge at Dracula Woman and Fang Girl.
Caption: Two Lone Survivors.
Panel two: Fang Girl jump kicks one space werewolf, breaking his jaw and several fangs. Dracula Woman casually tosses the other space werewolf over her shoulders and out of the alley.
Caption: A New Home.
Caption: The Same Mission.
Panel three: The space werewolf begins to back away until his back is against a fire hydrant. Dracula Woman is beginning to come out of the alley. Only her lower body is seen in light. The rest of her is in the shadows of the alley as her eyes glow yellow and her extended fangs give off a glare in the moon light.
Caption: Intergalactic Supernatural Evil has come to our planet.
Panel four: A close up on the space werewolf's eye as we can see the reflection of Dracula Woman's approaching fist in it's frighten eye.
Caption: But so has Fanged Justice.
Panel five: Dracula Woman and Fang Girl are standing over the space werewolf's unconscious body as they strike a pose as the wind blows their hair and cape
Caption: Dracula Woman and Fang Girl. Based off the indie comic created by Aaron Rodriguez.
Caption: Coming to KnitFlicks this fall. Binge the Bloodbath!
Panel one: Over the head shot of our main characters as Videl is standing before them with her eyes and hands glowing red. Pagan is hissing at the trio as his hairs stand up on end. Videl looks like she's aged another decade with more wrinkles and a wart beginning to form on her now pointy nose. Videl is pointing her broom stick at the three.
Videl: With me.
Videl: You two. The poorly underdressed vampires.
Videl: And be warned, while I need you in one piece--how mangled and broken your limbs are is not an issue.
Panel two: Stewart has a petrified look on his face as Jess whispers towards him. Kelly steps forward and has her hands at her hip and her chin sticking up in the air as she strikes a superhero pose.
Jess whispering: Did you set this up?
Stewart: No. If I did, I'd lean more towards Anne Hathaway than Betty White.
Kelly: Vile villain, we, the leatherwing avengers, will not go anywhere with the likes of you!
Panel three: Videl begins to summon creepy looking spiked and wart covered frogs and toads from her broom as they leap forward at the girls. Jess turns to Kelly and yells are her in a "what the hell" type manner as Kelly is wide eyed. Stewart is leaping back to avoid the conflict.
Videl: Twisted spines and broken femurs it is.
Jess: Kelly!! What the hell--!??
Kelly: I swear, I thought she was just some gangly dude in make-up! Not a real witch lady!
Panel four: Stewart is cowering on the ground as he crawls towards the feet of people watching on. In the background the girls are dodging the tongues and leaps of the frogs and toads as they look ridiculous in doing so.
Stewart thinking: Vampires, ghosts, crazy nurses--now a witch! My life is hell and hell is an episode of Scooby Doo!
Person off panel: Wow. This is a great skit. They really look like they're fighting for their lives.
Person two off-panel: How are they doing the special effects?
Panel five: Stewart gives the reader an aside glance. Several people are gathering around the fight and using their phones to record what is happening. Kelly is swatting a frog off of Jess' head in the background
Stewart thinking: I might just have something here...
Panel one: Kelly tilts her head back to avoid the tongue of one of he blue and orange toads while hopscotching over two others as they spit acid.
Kelly: Man, I don't like frogs and toads.
Sfx slzz flzz
Kelly: Okay, now I just hate them.
Panel two: Jess high kicks one frog as it disappears into a cloud of smoke. Behind her several geeks have their phones out recording the fight. One cosplayer is wearing an ugly octopus kaiju costume.
Jess: If you hate them, stop dodging and let them have it! They disappear when you wallop them!
Panel three: Jess turns around and gives the Octopus guy a look of disgusted as looks at his costume, specifically the tentacles.
Panel four: Jess walks away as the octopus kaiju hangs his head down in shame.
Jess: I am going to go fight for my life away from you.
Panel five: Kelly is happily stomping on a fleeing toad as it disappears into smoke. Videl looks on as she motions with a wave of her hand for Pagan to attack.
Kelly: Hah! Kiss the boot, Kermit!
Videl: Get her, my familiar.
Panel one: Pagan is skipping towards Kelly as Kelly looks on like it similar to a little girl being greeted by her pet after returning home from school. Videl is pointing Pagan onward for him to attack, even though he looks more adorable that vicious.
Kelly: Dat cute liddle thing can come get me.
Panel two: Behind the head of Kelly as Pagan is in the air leaping towards her. In the background Videl's hands begin to glow red showing she's casting a magic spell.
Kelly: He's so adorable with his little paws out like that.
Panel three: Same view as the previous panel with a few differences: Pagan is turned into a black panther as the same red glow from Videl's hands is now around Pagan. Kelly has her hands out in alarm as she braces for impact.
Kelly: Nevermind! Not adorable! Especially those pointy paws!
Panel four: Jess is turning her head as she punches away at the last magic toads and sees Kelly getting pounced on by Panther Pagan as she hits the back of her head on the ground.
Panel five: Panther Pagan is standing over the unconscious Kelly with his right paw out ready to strike. Over Pagan's head is a thought balloon of a T-bone steak with little fangs and wearing a mini vampire cape.
Panel one: Jess is dropkicking Panther Pagan away from Kelly. As she does this the thought balloon pops and disperses. While she's kicking her she has her arms folded in the "Wakanda Forever" from the Black Panther movie.
Jess: Don't even think about it, Sylvester!
Panel two: In the crowd Stewart is looking on with giant dollar signs for eyes as he looks on at what is happening. Jess is standing in front of the unconscious Kelly and glaring straight ahead at Videl. Pagan is reverting back to his cat form as he lands at the feet of Videl with a lump on his forehead and a tiny red pain star coming from it. Videl is checking on Pagan.
Stewart: This is great: Forget KnitFlicks! I've already got a cinematic universe movie playing out!! I'm going to be a ITube sensation!
Videl: Pagan! Sweetie baby, did that nasty girl hurt you...?
Caption translation: Look at the lump on my head--what do you think??!
Panel three: Videl is pointing her finger at Jess as Jess is in a running towards Videl.
Jess: Okay, I don't know who you are or why you attacked us, but you picked the fight, and I'll be the one ending it!
Panel four: Videl fires a magical beam from her finger as Jess tries to stop in mid run but her momentum carries her forward. She holds her arms over her head to try and shield herself as the weak, wobbly beam connects.
Videl: Sorry. But I don't do anything halfway.
Panel five: Both Videl and Jess are surprised that the beam has no affect on Jess as Jess is just a few inches from Videl.
Jess: and Videl:
Panel six: Jess uppercuts Videl and sends her flying as several geeks dash out of the way. Videl's broomstick begins to come lose from her grip as she is sent sailing.
Jess: All hocus and no pocus, huh??
Panel one: Videl is on her side and hiding her right hand as she is tries to summon enough energy for an attack as tries to channel it into her broomstick with just her index finger on it.
Videl thinking: Blast it...! My powers are already growing weaker by the second. Must channel my energy--
Jess: Yeah, I see what you're doing. Don't bother, Sabrina. Because if you think I'm letting you have another chance to attack you've got--
Panel two: Stewart rushes in front of Jess with his phone out stuck right at her face.
Jess: --another thing coming...?
Stewart: Calling her "Sabrina"...?! Everyone is doing that! Instead say, "time to turn the witch switch off--for good!" Emphasis on "FOR GOOD"!
Panel three: Jess is grabbing Stewart by his shoulders and pushing him off to her left.
Jess: Would you forget your stupid comic garbage?! She's dangerous or did you not notice the blunt force trauma on Kelly's noggin?!!
Panel four: A close up on a wide eyed Jess as the shadow of a swinging broom is over her.
Videl off-panel: Speaking of blunt force head trauma.
Panel five: Videl swings her broom at Jess and sends her flying at the reader. Stars and exploding rockets surround Jess to show how hard she was hit. Stewart looks on with a worried look on his face. All the cosplayer and people gathered around are leaping up and joy as they enjoy the action.
Panel one: Videl looking even older with her hair being much more out of place uses her magic to push Stewart back into the crowd of nerds. With her other hand she is using the broom like a cane.
Stewart: Hey, you can't do that to---
Panel two: Videl is standing over the unconscious Jess and Kelly as she uses her broom to lift up Jess's chin to make sure she's no longer a threat.
Videl: Well, that certainly took the bite out of you.
Panel three: Pagan jumps on Stewart's head and pushes his hat over his eyes as he leaps towards Videl.
Videl off-panel: Come, Pagan, come--
Panel four: Pagan has leapt on Videl's shoulder as a cloud of smoke emits from her cloak and begins to cover her and the two unconscious vampires. Stewart is running towards Videl frantically as he pulls his stuck hat back into place.
Videl: --We have what we came for.
Panel five Stewart goes through the smoke cloud as the witch and the girls have vanished.
Panel six: A bewildered and lost Stewart looks on as several geeks and co-players come to congratulate him on what they believed to be a staged fight.
Cos player: That was great! It was as real as fictional gets!
Nerd: You should be proud!
Stewart: This could not end any more poorly.
Panel seven: The fat nerd from earlier who criticized how Jess and Kelly looked when they first came into the Dung Hill Comic Con is talking to Stewart as Stewart yells at him. The nerd has an issue of Dracula Woman and Fang Girl as he has it open and pointing in it.
Fat nerd: Excuse me, but Dracula Woman and Fang Girl fight space werewolves. Not witches. Worse skit ever.
Stewart: Oh shut up!!!
TO BE CONCLUDED
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