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1
Reviews / PTF Reviews Blue Baron 1.2
« on: Today at 02:35:36 AM »
 PTF Reviews The Blue Baron 1.2
 
Man, reading digital comics is a pain now. Stupid Windows photo keeps going with clicking on the curser and enlarging a portion of the comic…and the zoom doesn’t work. I mean, yeah, I can reset it easily enough, but then it’s right back up. Seriously, what doorknob at Microsoft thought this was a good idea? I decide what is good!!
 
Speaking of….
 
 
 
 
When we last left off, Blue Baron was a top hero, Ernie was a loser; now, Blue Baron is Ernie and Ernie is Blue Baron and that has not been going well for either. Will this improve or is everyone in a lose-lose situation?
 
 
The Good.
 
The first page. Oh well. There we go. That page would have solved a good bit of my problems with the first part. Honestly, it really should have been the last page for that section as it just works better, but hey—Ernie’s mom’s name is Wanda. …gotta be honest, I was really hoping for “May.”
 
 
Blue Baron and Ernie. I just like how they are reacting to their situation. Blue Ernie is an immature teen in a superhero/multi-millionaire’s body and has no idea what to do. I think my favorite is when he goes to help the Hero Union against Bad Company. And…that’s how it really should go with Blue Ernie just messing everything up because he doesn’t know his powers, he doesn’t know how to fight, teamwork in general and it’s still pretty funny.
 
And I like how Blue Ernie interacts with various people because—he’s a little snot. Nearly every teen is a know it all little snot. Like his rundown on poor Protége. He got called out and he lashed out.
 
And Ernie Baron is not having much luck either. He’s going from a grown adult to a kid with a super smothering mom who won’t give him any space. And he has to deal with Ernie’s problems: like gym class and a bully named Slater.
 
And he’s a jerk. Best way to describe him would be Hawkeye in Superman’s body. He’s abrasive, arrogant, doesn’t think things through and is hot headed. But he’s still a good guy. He’s patient with Ernie, opens up to him and gives him the encouragement and advice he needed to save the day.
 
The writing. And now with the rest of the writing. It’s still funny. No jokes I really didn’t like. I like the parallel to how the last issue ended now with Blue Ernie having to find his way around a mansion. And the villains were super fun and wacky. And there’s some depth like Maven being a former hero and ex lover of Blue Baron. And the heroes are fun and each distinctive. And honestly…I laughed out loud at Blue Ernie just tearing into Protégé. Yeah, it was savage but so true.
 
And while Ernie Baron has gotten he short end of the stick, I liked how you have a man with superpowers not stuck in teen’s body and…well, there’s a big difference. And his ongoing war with Slater should be fun. And I like how, hanging out with a younger generation…even he wanted to change his outfit. That leads to a nice moment from Ernie that shows real maturity and appreciation for Blue Baron’s rich history.
 
And the action is really well done. Not to take away from Darin Henry, but I think a lot of that has to do with Ron Frenz.
 
 
 
The art and everything else:
 
Yeah this was a great issue. I loved the fight and how it was funny and action packed. Just a great range of angles and layout. And I really love Blue Ernie’s facial expressions when he’s about to screw up or he has to explain himself or take responsibility. And Ernie Baron and his angry, arrogant reactions to everything is fun to look at. Him trying to climb a rope or pick a fight with someone twice his new body’s size. And I really appreciate how everyone is on model. A standard that has dropped in certain companies cuffMarvelComicscuff. My favorite pages would definetly be when Blue Ernie is “helping” The Hero Union and just the action and insanity of it all. Most of the insanity being Mr. Rollercoaster.
 
It’s just nice to go back and see new things I missed in a comic the first time.
 
And the coloring and lettering is great like always. Glen Whitmore just kills it. And Sal Buscema does a great job enhancing the art with his inks, which makes sense since the two worked on Spider-Girl together. And let’s give him credit for the cover which is really nice. Man, it’s nice when a comic’s cover actually has something to do with the story inside. Maybe it’s just me, but most covers feel phoned in.
 
 
 
The Bad
 
Hey, Ernie’s dad and sister. Yeah, again, they don’t get much to do with Ernie’s dad getting a page and the little sister nothing. That’ll probably change in the next issues and this comic does have a fairly numerous supporting cast, not to mention the main characters, villains, so someone’s going to sit on the bench.
 
 
 
What I learned form what I read.
 
 Blue Baron and The Phantom have a lot in common.
  • Carson Corp is full of suck ups.
  • Ernie’s mom’s name is Wanda.
  • Never bring a rookie into a superhero fight.
  • Blue Baron may not be subtle, but he does know how to motivate.
  • Blue Baron’s one weakness: Gym class.
  • Protégé’s costume stinks. I mean maybe for a kid sidekick it’s fine…but you’re 23! Winter Soldier up!
  • Fighting an ex-teammate is bad. Fighting an ex-girlfriend makes it worse.
  • Blue Baron just won someone their fantasy league.
  • Just that a character like Mr. Rollercoaster exists.
 
Yeah, this was a really great issue. This was a fun read and review write up. I mean, the writing was great, the art is great. Only critique I have is Ernie’s dad and sister not getting much panel time or named. Some people might not like the design of some costumes but…it’s humor-action book. What do you expect?
 
 
It’s an A. With the quality and price you can’t go wrong here.
 
 

2
Reviews / PTF Reviews Blue Baron 1.1
« on: May 13, 2018, 12:38:33 PM »
 Here we goes! Brand new reviews….of comics about five or six months old. Who knows, I might even review Start Up by the year 2020 at this break neck pace.
 
 
Before the thirteen stars and bars, there was a hero who fought taxation without representation with the speed of January gale and the strength of an oxen—The Blue Baron. And then there’s Ernie: a bullied, superhero fanboy who gets way too many hugs from his mom. What happens when these two meet? Find out as we review BLUE BARON 1.1
 
 
Oh, and a brief keynote
 
Blue Ernie = Ernie in Blue Baron’s body
 
Ernie Baron = Blue Baron in Ernie’s body.
 
Memorize it. It will be your guide for the rest of the reviews.
 
 
 
The Good
 
The writing: This is a very funny book. I love the tour guide’s talk on how he wasn’t a scientist and the flashback red coat’s “see which end of the rifle is effective for extracting information.”. I like how there are superhero fantasy teams. And I can’t think of a joke I didn’t like. I also like the idea of a kid who follows superheroes becoming one of the heroes…just the one he thinks is a dork.
 
Blue Baron and Ernie are written well. We don’t really get to see much of Blue Baron when he isn’t in “witty banter mode” But from what we do get after the accident—he’s kind of a jerk. Ernie’s reactions and the brief fight he gets in with other heroes make sense—bullied kid who finally can fight back. And the reason for the fight is set up since the reflex makes total sense. And I like the bits of dialogue with Blue Baron using words like “continental” in place of money and Ernie with his ai dio mio. Just little things to make characters stand out.
 
And the issue does a great job of introducing the cast. We have the main characters. But we also get to see Ernie’s geek clique, Slater and his gang of bullies,  the Superhero Union, Carson Corp. The only people that get short changed are Ernie’s dad and his little sister, but the last page does gives us a good idea what she’s going to be like—annoying little sister. Hey, not all tropes are bad.
 
And we’re set up to a few mysteries to explore in future issues such as who is The Mikado? And the Specimen 6? What is it?
 
The art: Ron Frenz does a great job. I’ve been a fan of his work since Spider-Girl so I was extremely happy to see that he is the artist and he doesn’t disappoint. The characters are all drawn real well with various size, shape and personalities. I read you the dialogue and then show you the comic, you’d go, “okay, that’s what I was imagining or I can see that.” I already knew he could do action but his comedy is great. When Blue Ernie decides to test out his powers on some poor guy and his car is hilarious. Bull and Raider in their last panel is great with Bull just having the most happy face. The fight scenes have great energy and I love the way Blue Ernie is shown fighting: just thrashing about with his eyes closed. Something I’d see a wimpy nerd do.
 
 
 
Mayday lives! Yeah. Apparently Spider-Girl went to a different universe, got married, and had kids. Good for her. Because Marvel Comics are pretty bad right now.
 
 
The coloring and lettering. I like it all. The colors really pop. Especially the sound effects during fights. And the colors and style make sense like “Thug” is pretty simple and orange and when Ernnie spills his milk SPLASH is colored white or GOOSH is…how you’d imagine it. The lighting during the flashback stands out to me. And the inking by Sal Buscema is great. He always jelled really welll with Frenz in the Spider-Girl book and the magic is still there.
 
The Bad
 
How the issue ends. Okay, I get that this is a comic split up into bits and it ends on a funny joke, but it does violate one rule of first issues I have…leave me wanting to read the next issue. Just some intrigue or a cliffhanger that can’t make me wait to pick up the next issue. It jus doesn’t hammer that for me.
 
A few names please. I kind of wish we had gotten the first names of Ernie’s family. The mom especially since she’s in it way more. I don’t know, it’s just a pet peeve of mine. Probably because (insert name) would be easier to write in a review than Ernie’s little sister.
 
Bad tour layout. Haven’t we learned anything about kids going on a field trip to anything scientific? Especially when there’s a door labeled “RESTRICTED.” ‘Cause you know one of those little mutants is going to get all gamma powered up or something. Usually it’s the loser nerdy kid.
 
What I learned.
 
 That I was right in Freshmen American History; there were superpowered people who defended the colonists against the redcoats.
  • Apparently, the Blue Baron Universe and Marvel Universe have the same “we’re heroes, let’s just fight” rules.
  • I don’t blame Bull. I too look for a reason to say that phrase in life. Sadly, nothing has come up yet.
  • Only idiots draft Blue Baron in the first round in Superhero Fantasy Leagues.
  • I don’t know what’s worse: having a field trip in science labs with an open restricted door…or that there was a particle disemmentator on display!!!
  • Classic costumes never go out of style.
  • Ernie’s mom might be too smothering. You people decide.
  • Slater has perfected his bully technique well.
  • I don’t know who this Cedric Carson is but I’m willing to be he’s not important to the story at all. Nope.
  • When your supervillain name is Liquidator…your story has really only two ways to end…and it’s not the one where you become a cartoon water dog
 
It’s a good issue. The writing and art are great. Coloring and lettering is super. I can’t say it’s a great issue because the ending feels so abrupt and doesn’t pull the reader to wanting the next issue immediately. And I hate when characters are introduced and not named that issue. I’ll give it a B+
 
 
And for everyone who wants to give this a read, last I checked, this issue is free at the Sitcomics website. Check it out. Read it.
 
And now to review—THE ISSUES I HAD TO PAY FOR!!
 
 

3
Reviews / PTF Reviews Super Suckers #4
« on: February 13, 2018, 09:11:57 PM »
 PTF Reviews Super Suckers 4.1
 
Back by popular demand…one person! And that person is the creator! Will he regret that decision? Lets find out as we read--
 
Super Suckers cuatro el dotto uno!!!
 
 
 
Things I liked:
 
The writing. Hey, it’s the first part for a story and it gets the ball rolling like it should do. We get to learn more about Jess and where she works. We’re introduced to my new favorite character Ruben. We have the universe and everyone in it taking it to Stewart. You have continuity with Kelly’s wackiness coming to bite her and Trevor wanting the date Jess promised him. Stewart dealing with Vera being in love with him is great. And I like that the universe and everyone not Vera just does not like him. Vera is great this issue with RHO as she pretty much does not half acknowledge the existence of what is going on. We’re introduced to WILLLLOOOW JENKINNNNNSSS (no, sadly, she doesn’t charge into the room recklessly) And we get a nice twist to end the issue. And I don’t know why but in the basement during the coup planning, I like how they’re in the dark and using candles. It’s just so stupid and I love it.
 
The art. Hah. I love the kid sticking his tongue out at the readers on page 10 and the reactions he gets. It’s just a fun way to introduce F.U.C and making it fun. And yeah, it’s the normal great art by Shultz. Another sequence I liked is Stewart in the trash and having a bird fly involved in the scene gives a good indication of pace and time. It’s just the Archie style done right. Too bad it’s not being done at Archie, but I’ll take greatness where I can find it.
 
Coloring and lettering. Standard good stuff I expect. I love Kelly’s color scheme when she learns she could be kicked out of RHO. The yellows are great. Also the lighting in the basement. As for the lettering we have Tatiana’s word balloon with the bold lines when she’s responding to Jess on how her voice sounds deep when angry. Plus we get a few icy cold word balloons from Jess and Kelly.
 
The Gang’s All Here: Well, if you wanted everyone in the comic back, you got it. And I think all the supporting characters have the time that each one warrants. So if you’re a stickler for “everyone has to be in this comic.” Here you go. Be quiet now!
 
Kelly: Last issue I had a problem with her being slightly out of character—A.K.A. being a major jerk. Well, she’s back to be her nice self. We even learn her last name is Kellogg. Which fills me with hope that one day a character named D'Artagnan General Mills will grace the world. And with all the trouble being a vampire has causes her she now has to deal with a coup and having to get a popular band just to keep herself in RHO RHO RHO. I just thought she was a highlight this issue with her various reactions.
 
Paisley’s turned heel!  Before she was just acerbated by the wacky people around her, now she wants to take over! Or at least get rid of Kelly and Vera. I like this because it gives the Paisley character something to do, gives her more personality, and it does make sense since she didn’t like Vera being put in the sorority and got her objections being shot down by Kelly. Also how Kelly’s been acting since being a vampire. So it does make sense. Not saying it couldn’t have used development, but I do like the idea and concept of it all and it will probably lead to some good stories later on. So it’s definitely more good than bad.
 
Ruben: I like this guy. Just his reactions to different people are great. He has my favorite line in the comment on page 15 that made me laugh out loud for a good bit.
 
Things I did not like.
 
 WILLOOOWWW JJEEENNNWARRGOOO…? Whuh?: When the National President of RHO RHO RHO was first introduced her name was Willow JENKINS. When Kelly enters kangaroo court, her name is now Willow WARGO. And this isn’t the first time for the series as Paisley went by a different name (India) from one issue to the next before, hopefully, settling on Paisley. These little mistakes drive me crazy. I mean, I understand making mistakes. It’s going to happen. I’m sure Darin Henry had and has a ton of other stuff going on. My problem is not catching it. This is just something you would see on a proofread.
 
 
 “Paisley’s been after my presidency since I was elected.” I just wish that line wasn’t there because—I just never got that attitude from any of Paisley’s past issues., I like the concept and idea but the reasoning for it feels forced. I think it would work better if Paisley was upset that she was ignored (like in the first issue about wanting to paint lettering red two hours ago and letting Vera join RHO) and just Kelly’s weirdness since becoming a vampire (see issue two with the make-up dilemma) and it just built up to her becoming an antagonist instead of having it just “she always wanted my job.”
 
 
 Hey where’d that candle go? Paisley had a candle with her in the basement and then it’s gone. WHERE DID IT GO?! WHERE DID IT GO?!?  Eh, I guess she could have put it down or something. Not that big a deal when you think about it…
 
 
 No commercials. Eh, I guess some will miss them. I liked the story enough where I didn’t miss them, but if you’re into the feel of reading a sitcom then yeah.
 
What I learned from what I read.
 
 Lyric is smarter than Summer, which is like saying a rock is smarter than poop.
  • You get unlimited refills with your Big Swig Chug Mug.
  • The Johnny Thunderheart Band is the greatest band since The Misfits!
  • Trevor, Ever Vigilant Security Associate!!!
  • Kelly’s last name is Kellogg.
  • Ruben has a backstory we all should know.
  • There are people who make plans, and people who make the plans reality. Guess which one you want to be.
  • RHO RHO RHO really has a lot on its plate. Blood drives, couples get together, Greek Fest...it’s almost too much work to get to the fun!
  • “Young Women Get Killed In Basements pt 4” is the best in the series. The worse?  “Young Women Get Vaguely Harmed In Basements.” Stupid PG-13 rating.
  • Paisley is SUPER peeved she did not get to go to the beach with the rest of the sorority.
 
 
Overall
 
 
Yeah, it’s a super fun issue. The art and writing is the usual greatness I expect. Jess has workplace problems, Kelly has to find a way to stay in RHO RHO RHO, and Stewart has to deal with Vera. Vera…eh, she orbits reality occasionally like normal. It’s a great read and fun. I like Ruben. Willow and Tatiana look to be fun antagonists going ahead for the rest of the story. And I like Paisley turning bad. I think the series needs a reoccurring villain. Like how Teddy Ruxpin had Tweeg.
 

 
I watched the Teddy Ruxpin cartoon when I was a kid. I’m old. I’m shocked I remember so much about it. But I’m not ashamed. Because there is nothing to be ashamed about.  NOTHING
 
There are problems with this issue. Like not being able to keep characters names straight. It’s just a constant problem this series has had. And I think Paisley’s heel turn was forced; I think it should have been developed more.
 
But while annoying, name problems doesn’t affect the Willow character and I like Paisley’s new attitude in this story and where it could lead.
 
I give this issue a B+
 
 
 
So tune in next time when I review Super Suckers 4.2.!!!

4
Reviews / PTF Reviews Super Suckers #3
« on: February 02, 2018, 12:04:27 PM »
 PTF Previews Super Suckers 3.1.
 
Well, we’re back. And before I begin the review, I want to give you, the readers, some helpful advice. Just because you have a warranty on something it doesn’t mean: A) the people you have the warranty with will come when they promise and B) that they will actually FIX what is wrong.
 
So yeah, apparently seven hundred dollars down the drain.

 
But lucky for me, Sitcomics is back so there are comics I can afford!
 
Super Suckers is the story of two college girls turned vampires, their personal blood bank/butt monkey and their cavalcade of friends and one shot antagonist and the hot guy of the issue as they try to live their undead lives.
 
When we last left off: RHO RHO RHO House was haunted by a vengeful spirit, Jess was possessed and Kelly learned—wait wait, wait. Something’s off. That sounds like a bad fan fic.
 
Anyway, let’s get to the review.
 
Things I liked:
 
 The Story. Hey, it’s vampires at the beach, a deadly game of frisbee, and a guy ending up with his head in a horse’s butt. That’s what I want in every comic. And it’s pretty funny from the start with the Amish County exit cracking me up all the way to Vera leaving Stewart to die alone.. And I like the dynamic of Jess and Kelly. Jess is more of a loner who really just wants to study, Kelly is a people’s person who pretty much just wants to socialize and meet boys. The Stewart and Vera dynamic is great. I’m a big fan of going overboard with slang and dialect (probably why I’m the only person I know who likes Gambit, my hombres.) so I like the Spencer character. This the first part of the story and it leaves at a good point where I want to read the next issue, so it accomplishes a lot. So credit to Darin Henry, Jenn Lloyd and Kevin Bonani.
 
 The Art. Jeff Shultz. This is probably the best art I’ve seen from him. It has everything I like. You have different locals, different people, different things, it’s just amazing work. Yeah, the old, “everyone looks the same” old school Archie art criticism is not here. It has everything you want. Heck, it has what I like the most: stuff happening in the background. I love going back and seeing what I missed in a first reading. I just love how Jonas and Virgil are drawn, you instantly hate them. Just a lot of talent and versatility in this issue.
 
 The coloring and lettering. Hey anytime I can see DONK and SLAMMO, I’m happy. And there’s a good example of lettering making a story funny. There’s a panel on page nine where it looks like a kid has the word balloons on a string. I’m pretty sure there is a real balloon with the word balloons put over it—and it’s just funnier to me this way. So score one for Marshall Dillon. And off topic, he should really thank his parents for an awesome name.  And Glen Whitmore is banging the colors once again. Jess’s sunburn looks legit and it’s just a wide range of colors from the grass to the ocean to the sand.
4. Senor Uva. It made me smile. And during this cold, harsh winter, I need reasons to smile since obviously heat will not be an option for me.



5. The Letter page. I don't normally read letter pages, but I went back and made special exception since one of our own is showcased. It was fun with Darin answering questions.

 
 
 
Things I didn’t like:
 
 Same commercials. Yeah, for anyone who’s read the first two issues, we get just reprints of the old commercials. I mean, still good, but nothing new for me.
 
 
 Didn’t name Lyric and Summer. Nitpicky but they have appeared in every issue (well if we put the parts together). I mean, I knew them but if someone new was reading this they’d probably wonder who they were so probably a name drop would have been nice.
 
 
 
Things I’ve learned from reading this comic:
 
 My dad would like this issue because it has a joke from his favorite movie, Police Academy.
  • Hundo P is surfer slang for 100 percent and; coincidentally, will be the name of my next starter pokemon no matter what.
  • First aid is a lot different than what I thought it would be.
  • If you’re an optimistic main character and have an internal thought, the universe will reward you.
  • If you’re a pessimistic main character who says “what could possibly go wrong?” The universe will show you.
  • The hotter the female, the prickier the boyfriend.
  • Can’t invite someone of the same sex to a couples retreat and not expect being thought of as a couple in this liberal PC Netflix world we’re living in.
  • Jess is a pre-med student.
  • I like this issue because it has a joke from my favorite movie, Muppet Treasure Island.
  • Frisbee, the disc of doom.
 
This is a great issue. Makes me remember why I like the series, writing, humor, the art. It’s just a great collaboration. Only had a few nitpicks here and there. And we still haven’t met the nurse lady in the intro who I’m guessing is the bad guy of the issue. I got all six new issues at comixology for 1.99. I was going to get Blue Baron but I’m down 700 bucks and…they had Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on sale. So maybe next month?
 
Anyway, I give this issue an A. So anyone who hasn’t read should give this series a chance. It’s a super fun book.
 
So be here next time where we check on the condition of Stewart, learn how Jess will deal with being a fried tomato and if Kelly will date and/or eat Spencer. And other surprises I’m sure are in store in Super Suckers 3.2 Electric Boogaloo!
 

 
And yes, I will always make that joke.

5
All About Archie / Riverdale season two episode three.
« on: October 30, 2017, 04:02:49 AM »
Just random thoughts because I finally watched the episode a few days ago.

I'm really starting to not be impressed with this Black Hood. I mean, three of the four people he's targeted have survived. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that he killed off Ms. Grundy and we'll never have to deal with her again, but c'mon! He shot Moose and Midge at point blank range and killed neither! That's pathetic.

Oh hey, there's a Midge! Yay! And she's cute! And into drugs because this is a CW show! Yay!

Y'know I had a pretty low opinion of Sheriff Keller last season--and it's even lower now. You've got the Black Hood taunting him, the pain in the neck small time paper lady just not doing anything he says, the mayor looks down on him, Archie has his own little battalion going on, and even Mr. Weatherbee puts him in his place. When the high school principal tells you to shove off, you have no respect in the community. And that's not mentioning not knowing what his idiot son is doing at night.

Speaking off..

Okay, I'm supposed to believe that Kevin Keller cannot find another guy in Rivedale? Look at Riverdale! It's liberal city!!! You have every minority, drugs, relationships on various age levels! Do you know how many characters have pulled a reverse Michael Jackson?  And he has to go to the wood and no...I don't know what he does in the woods. I don't want to know what he does in the woods. Oh, and excuse Betty for not wanting you to go out at night when there's a killer about. Like, int he general area where Moose and Midge were shot at!!!

And if Kevin is lonely, he should just join Archie Red Circle. Did you see that video? Why were they dressed like that?!?!

Do like Cheryl taking advantage of this to get back at Betty for blackmailing her.

And I don't know if this has been said--but Cheryl is freaking insane!!! She burnt her home and crippled up her mom (who deserved it) makes her watch Jason getting shot (still not feeling bad for her.) Also she somehow takes back the Vixens because she said so. I guess that's how it works...?

Archie is reaching all time levels of dumb. I mean, I get he's scared and angry but he isn't just taking the idiot ball, he's inventing new dumb games to use the idiot ball in. Like listening to Hiram Lodge. He's not even trying to hide he's evil. He's going to cause a panic in all of Riverdale, I don't trust him with a gun.

So Toni Topaz...she's a character. Again, having Trula Twyst would make more sense, have her manipulate Jughead--but we got to have the most overrated character ever in comics in this show. I love Fernando Ruiz, but sometimes I just want to kick him in the shins for what he's done to us. :)

(I'm just joking. He gave us Raj. It evens out. )

Alice Cooper and Hermoine Lodge are the worse type of people. When they're at their lowest, they'll be friendly with you to get them to help--but when they get back on their feet, they turn on you and go back to being the rotten human beings they are.

Also on the Kevin being lonely thing...didn't he and Moose--y'know what. We got Midge now. I'm just ignoring it. Moose and Midge forever. Kevin can be lonely.

And what's up with the South Side. It's like Escape from New York in that place!!! Or The Warriors. What kind of place is it where you get beat up on by a gang called The Ghoulies?

Alice Cooper is an idiot. Black Hood...no one would testify against you. Love the look Betty gave her after Alice acted like Polly leaving was somehow Betty's fault.

I gotta say, I'm not liking this season as much. I liked the first season because I liked Jughead and Betty together solving the mystery. This season we have them separated and Archie running around being a moron. I mean, Jughead is still narrating and writing this down so...shouldn't he um be the focal point?

Granted, he's been banished to the nether region, his dad's gang wants him to join, he's trying to start up Lost Boys High school paper, owes a favor to and evil lawyer, separated from--see, this is what I'm talking about. I'm way more interested in Jughead than Archie--and Archie is trying to become a vigilante or something!!

Is Hermione bipolar? Because she seems to be shifting from good to bad, jealous of Veronica to loving, taking in a pregnant girl to wanting her daughter to seduce someone. Seriously, writers. Pick something and stick with it!

Veronica, you will get to go in your daddy's study one day! If there is one thing I've learned from President Trump--evil rich guys love their daughters and want daddy daughter days all the time! Get a little desk right next to him.

Oh, and I hope Smithers mom is okay.


Anyway, final thoughts: it's an okay episode. Jughead's stuff is way more interesting to me, but he seems to be in Archie's role from last season where he's locked out of the main mystery going on. Archie's a dummy. Betty is still sweet. I like the storyline with Veronica trying to connect with her father and hoping against hope he's trying to be a better person.

Oh I almost forgot...

Thoughts on Mr. Lodge. Poor casting choice. They should have cast Dario Cuertes from Lucha Underground instead. Then you can have Hiram doing underground fighting and feeding people to his brother. It would have fit the series perfectly. Yeah, just this guy who ruins the entire town, everyone in it, putting them in horrible situations because he likes violence. Darn it, I started this as a joke, but now I want it! :)







6
All About Archie / Riverdale episode 13: The Sweet Hereafter
« on: May 11, 2017, 11:47:55 PM »
SPOILERS.

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Hey, there's going to be a season six of Total Drama Island.
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I finally have enough money saved to get a 3DS. I'm thinking Litten as my stater.

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"Cliff hanger" heh-heh. Jughead, you witty person you.


Turns out you can't get rich from Maple Syrup as it was just a front for drug trafficking from Montreal...the evil part of Canada. Mayor Josie's Mom decides she's going to stomp out corruption kind of like how Donald Trump has dinner with James Comey. Instead of focusing on herself or the Blossoms, she's going after the easy targets: Those loveable scamps The Serpents.

Sheriff Dummy wants FP to give names for a lighter sentence but FP says the Serpents don't deal in heavy drugs, just weed and bros before your only son.

At the jubillee...seriously there was just a prom a few days ago!!!... she is going to have Betty and Archie front and center to sing and give a speech as the heroes of the town. Okay, Archie is no hero. He only contributed at the end said contributions were breaking and entering and putting on a dead kid's jacket.

Betty points this out, but Mr. Blackbee doesn't have the integrity of his white comic counterpart (Hey, I'm the not the writers making nearly every black character on this show evil or a jerk!) and tells her to shut up and go along.

Betty's got other problems as her family is trying to ignore what happened and acting like one big happy family. Veronica and Archie finally tell Betty that they are seeing each other and she's cool with it since she's with Jughead, a true blue hero...

Who is being sent to the South Side to a foster home and having to transfer out of Riverdale. Apparently Fred Andrews is disqualified because of money and a DUI off screen (Boo! Show don't tell!)

And it's not easy on the workside as Hermoine has lapsed into being a ...witch and fired all the Serpent workers and want's him to sell his stack in the land before Hiram comes back. She even wants Veronica to seduce Archie to help with that. Veronica, being one of the only five people worth a flip in this show) disapproves. I'm thinking Smithers lied about Hermoine.

Cheryl is acting weird (well besides the usual bi-polar of being really mean and then being nice) as she gives up being captain of the vixens, apologizes to Jughead and even gives him something to pawn for money.

And Penelope is in real...witch mode herself as she is cold to Cheryl and won't even let her stay home....also why did Sheriff Keller leave that rope up in the barn? He is horrible at his job. Eh, like that will have an effect on her.

Archie goes to FP where FP tells him Jughead will go into the darkness and he needs to be there for Jughead before that happens. He of course doesn't.

Jughead decides to give in and go to South Side High where...dear lord. You know those 90 movies that have horrible schools like the Substitute? Times that by ten and add in North Korea. That's about what South Side is. Betty and the gang (well not Kevin because...where the heck is he??) get him and show he's loved.

Too bad Cheryl is trying to kill herself in the frozen Sweetwater lake. She falls in but Archie (with no time to take of his shirt to show his abbs) breaks the ice with his bare, bloody hands, pulls her out, and breaths life back into her body! Okay, fine. Archie finally did something heroic.

Veronica takes her home and Hermoine is still being a...witch.

Jughead sees his dad. Jughead don't turn heel! If I can believe in Megatron being heroic, I know you can overcome this.

Archie and The Pussycats sing, Betty gives a speech that inspires Riverdale to overcome the darkness that is engulfing Riverdale! That Archie is Riverdale! Veronica is Riverdale! Whenever Kevin is there, he is Riverdale! Reggie is...well, he's not Riverdale. Fred regains his faith in humanity and refuses to sell! Puppies and kittens are playing together in the streets!!

And the gang goes off for shakes at Pops and everything's happy! Yeeeeeeeaaaahhhhh!

(Looks at watch)

Huh. There's about seven minutes left.

And this is the CW Channel. With the guy who decided "Zombies in Riverdale" as the creator of the show.

Uh-oh.

Archie and Veronica make out...ah. There's those abbs.

Jughead and Betty are making out in FP's trailer when the Serpents show up and offer to help Jughead, don't take that jacket Jughead...don't....NOOOOOOO!!!

Cheryl burns down the mansion. Whatever.

Huh. I don't see Nana Rose...eh whatever.

Oh and there's a robbery at Pop's where Fred Andrews gets shot. Whatever.

Jughead turned heel. and I feel like I did when my hamster died... :(



Anyway, pretty good episode. I do have a few problems with it but those problems are the same through the series but it was great. Great cliffhanger, storylines were advanced. The acting was good. Archie actually did something worthwhile. So until next season...or I get around talking about what I liked and didn't like about the show.


7
All About Archie / Riverdale episode 12: Anatomy of a Murder.
« on: May 05, 2017, 04:48:28 AM »
Spoilers for anyone who hasn't watched the episode.


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It turns out the murderer of Jason Blossom was

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Seriously, if you don't want to know and scrolled down this far, don't blame me.
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Clifford Blossom. Okay, it stormed in my area so I missed some parts in the episode but from what I can piece together from what I saw. Jason didn't want part of the family business (not the maple syrup part) and wanted to leave with Polly and needed money so he wanted to run drugs for JP and Serpents. They decide to hold him for ransom because "rich kid" but that leads to Clifford shooting Jason. Looks like one of the serpents (the one who was going to clobber Archie in the bar) had roughed him up pretty bad.

Also on a more creepy level, we find out why Hal stole the evidence from Sheriff Useless and why the sudden mood swing: turns out grandfather Cooper...was a Blossom. That's right. The Coopers are really Blossoms, they just gave up the family name after their side of the family tree was robbed of their wealth. So Betty and Cheryl are cousins and Polly and Jason...are something I see in the South far too often.


Daddy Jones confesses to the murder because Clifford went to him when he went to jail and told him he'd kill Jughead if he didn't take the blame. I mean, yeah, he kidnapped and dumped the body, but y'know...who am I kidding, he's garbage. :)


The evidence was found on a flash drive after Joaquin leads them to where he stashed Jason's jacket. So that was his insurance.

When Sheriff Moron finally arrives at the Blossom compound he finds Clifford hung himself in the barn and several barrels with drugs. So that was what Jason was trying to get away from. So yeah. Jason was the only pure hearted red head on this show. And you can argue Archie when he stops going after every girl he sees! :)

Anyway random thoughts.


Jughead had it rough this episode. His friends betray him, his dad is in jail, all the adults treat him like garbage, and when he wants to live with his mom...she's moved on wants him to stay out of her and his sister's life. So all the hope of his family ever being together was for nothing. I'm a guy, and even I wanted to give him a hug.

Oh, and the adults in this episode, save for Alice Cooper, took a few levels in dumb. As the kids try to explain that gun was planted but are not believed. Fred took an extra level in jerkiness, too with his treatment of Jughead. He was so bad, Archie wanted to move to Chicago. Seriously, do you know how bad you are when being in Chicago is better than being in a room with you? Did you all not see that Draft?


The random serpent guy I didn't bother remember was killed and made to look like an overdose with money from a bag with the initials H L on them.


Betty Cooper really carries this episode as she proves that she and Jughead are the real stars of this show and the only two with fully functional brains. She even figures out "hole in jacket" something probably in the linen of the jacket. I mean, probably didn't need Archie to put the dead kid's jacket on, but Archie has been a jerk for a good bit, so yeah. Serves you right. Ghost cooties.

Sheriff Keller is an idiot.

Hiram is getting out of jail, so y'know nature hates a void so we're getting a new evil rich guy! Yay!

Kevin inherited a good deal of Sheriff Rosco's braincells, but luckily he has smart friends who convince him something is up with his boyfriend.

The House GOP reads healthcare bills better than Sheriff Keller examines evidence.  Well, evidence that doesn't get stole from him.

Hal breaks into the Cooper home to destroy the evidence and reveals...ewwww...and of course The Coopers get Polly the heck out of their. The transmission cuts off a bit, but Betty probably said something awesome to Penelope.

The transmission again goes out when Betty and Polly talk. So someone will have to fill me in on what they said.

Betty should be the Sheriff of Riverdale.

Apparently Pop Tates is like Wal-Mart: opened 24/7

Jughead is upset that his dad will stay in jail because...y'know disposing the body, kidnapping, perjury. While I know that this seems right in the normal world, I don't like agreeing with Sheriff Hindrance.

I want to feel bad for Cheryl...but nah. Maybe this will make her a better villain later on. Seriously, you tell everyone that Betty kidnapped and tortured someone...and Betty is still doing Homecoming? Your dad was right, you are a disappointment. :)



So my thoughts, all joking aside. I liked the episode, but I think the mystery could have been done a bit better.

Okay, let's take the Cooper/Blossom thing. Jughead and Betty were researching everything and they never stumbled across this or looked into it? I mean, I'm pretty sure town hall, archives, old newspapers. But whatever.
What bothers me is that this wasn't hinted at. Heck, how about something like "Polly and Jason have the same eyes" or some sort of comment.

And I'm supposed to remember that one random Serpent from when he messed up the costruction site in the dark and in the darkly lit bar?

Just a few subtle hints like when Monk goes over "Here's what happened" and I can go "oh okay, I missed that in the beginning but it's there." Just so I have a chance to get all the clues instead of two big bits revealed that I had no way of knowing. But I will give them credit for Clifford telling the family "I looked our son's killer in the eye" as proof he went to the jail. It's just one or two little tweeks to make this perfect.



But the jacket and it's importance did come up. And again, at least you had the two stars of the show, Betty and Jughead go to their board, eliminate suspect and come down to the finally two, The Blossoms.

And you really feel for Jughead. Man, do you feel for this kid. All the adults dump on him, his dad's in jail and still a criminal, and his mother doesn't want him in her life and when he tries to leave Riverdale he's stuck. Heck, he even moves into the Andrews garage after he overhears Fred not wanting him for fear something could happen to Archie. Great work by Cole.

And Reinhart. Those two are the main reason why I like this show. And Camilla. And the chuckles I get when Archie is just randomly shirtless for no reason but to show his abs. "Hey, let's go jog in my boxers to Ms. Grundy's."



So it was a great episode...and this isn't even the season finale!





8
All About Archie / Riverdale episode 10: The Lost Weekend
« on: April 14, 2017, 10:32:48 AM »
It's Jughead's birthday as Betty tries to throw him a small, nice party--which is ruined by the two main villains of the show. Archie is depressed that not only is he and Valerie through but his parents are finally getting their divorce finalized. Veronica must come to terms with how ruthless her father can be. And Midge has to come to terms that she is non corporeal and that's okay.

Okay I know it's not right to start random musing with preview at the end...but Riverdale is too dangerous and CHICAGO is the better option!??


That's right, I was right as Cheryl teams up with Chuck to cause trouble just because they are both evil jerks who everyone hates, so why not?

I'm really enjoying Bughead as they are both damaged people who are decent human beings who have found each other and have connected. Jughead doesn't think he can be who Betty deserves and Betty thinks she has to be perfect. In the end they realize what they are. Honestly, I thought they were going to break up but Poppa Jones actually was a parent for a good ten seconds.

EEEEE Jughead took his hat off for Betty!!! EEEEE

I mean, Poppa Jones wasn't a parent for the entire kegger party, but hey, he's an alcoholic, thief, and possible murderer. Let's not hold him to too high of standards.

It looks like The Lodge Family has something on the Blossom family as they have forced the red hair clan to pay them a large amount of money every month--for seventy-five years!!! I'm guessing Great grandpa Lodge has evidence showing Great Grandpa Blossom killing Not as Great Cooper. Probably on VHS or something. That was around back then, right?

Speaking of Hiram, he hears that Veronica won't testify that he's a good human being--so he threatens to take down Hermoine with him unless Veronica says exactly what he wants!! Humanitarian of the years, folks.

Veronica: Smithers, is my mom good?

Smithers: A saint.

Veronica: What about my father?

Smithers: He's evil incarnate and has committed acts of cruelty that have made the world an irreversible worse place. I found religion solely on the need to believe there is a hell waiting for him.

Smithers: Oh, and how was school today, miss?

Veronica: ...

I think I might move Chuck up on my "going to get killed" list since he punched the son of a the local gang leader with said gang leader in the room and throwing him out.

And it looks like everyone is starting to get sick of Cheryl as the cheerleaders side with Veronica and even her two newly unemployed henchwomen/ vixens don't even vote for her. I guess it doesn't help that if you breath the wrong way this crazy psycho red head tries to ruin your life. To paraphase a horrible C Reiley movie "THE WRONG TWIN DIED THAT DAY."

To deal with getting dumped and his parents divorce Archie gets drunk before the birthday party and then gets drunk even more during the kegger party. And he even drunk dials his dad after the worst bit of camera work ever on the show thus far.

I like how even Poppa Jones acknowledges that the kids are the ones he needs to worry about.

And he probably feels a lot worse now that so much more information was given out during Cheryl and Chuck's revenge fest.

Joaquin: They're going to find out--they're going to know!

Jones: No they won't.

Cheryl: ...Did you know that Lodge hired the Serpents to ruin the theater?

(Joaquin gives Jones a death glare)

(Jones takes a sip of his beer)

Jones: Meddling kids.


...Actually, come to think of it, it really wasn't that good of a revenge. I mean, yeah, you told about Archie banging Ms. Grundy...but that'll only make him more popular. Veronica nailed Cheryl with the the twincest and killiing her own brother. And in the end, the characters ended up in a better place with Bughead stronger after dealing with issues  and Veronica needed to get some anger out of her system. Heck, Cheryl gave the teens more pieces to the puzzle of the murder of Jason.

...

Wow. Cheryl is a horrible villain. She doesn't succeed at anything! I mean, yeah, she's snarky and gets in good lines, but that's all she is!

Turns out that Alice Cooper used to be a Serpent.

Also Mr. Weatherbee decides it's okay for her to advise on the Blue and Gold because...eh. Whatevers.

She also caught Joaquin talking with Poppa Jones and she told Betty. Yep, Jones, those kids are the ones you have to worry about. BIG TIME.

And Archie and Veronica might be a thing. Well, it's a huge upgrade over Valerie. I swear, there should be a rule about bad Dan Parent ideas staying in one medium only.

Veronica decides to tell the world how great her dad is and he rewards her with a pearl necklace. That's good because she broke the last one out of grief about the parent of a friend who attempted suicide because of him.

Veronica decides to join up with Bughead and crazy mom to investigate what is going on. So yeah, that makes three of the four main characters now in the interesting storyline while Archie...

I dunno, there's about four episodes left in the season so he'll probably be with six different girls, mope about his music, and whine about his parents while occasionally showing his abs. See, I never got the hate for comic Archie, but this guy. Yeah. I get that hate.

Anyway this was a very good episode. The only thing I can say I hated was The Archie drunk camera thing they were going for as it looked really stupid. No episode next week as...there's a gamer contest??

Okay, what's up with these video game tournament shows? TBS has one and now CW? You know what I do when I want to see someone play video games? I go on youtube and watch Markiplier.




9
Fan Fiction / Jughead in Hearts and Kisses.
« on: February 14, 2017, 08:57:52 PM »
 Page 1
 
Panel one: Jughead is lying in a heap in his bed as his stomach is grumbling. Jughead has half the cover on him so we can see his shorts and feet. One of Jughead’s socks has slipped off his foot. Jughead has his left arm over his eyes as he tries to ignore his stomach. Jughead’s bed and room have various food wrappers and pizza boxes lying on the ground. On his door is a dart board of hate with Trula’s picture on it with five darts on her smirking lips. Lying in a pile are various Derby Dalton comics. On a nearby counter is a picture of The Archies with a slice of pizza lying over it. We can see that he’s mark over Reggie’s face to give him a mustache and missing teeth.
 
Jughead’s stomach: Forsythe Jones the 3rd, rise. We must venture forth early this Valentine’s Day morn.
 
Jughead: No…Valentine’s Day bad…hibernation good…
 
Panel two: Jughead’s eyes pop open as his stomach continue to growl.
 
Jughead’s stomach: Have you forgotten the layaway from a year past, my indolent host?
 
Panel three: Jughead leaps out of bed in pure excitement.
 
Jughead: The giant chocolate frosted sugar supreme bomb of Mama B’s!!
 
Jughead: She only makes it once a year and they sell like hot cakes! I paid her a year in advance to make sure I got the biggest, bestest one!
 
Jughead’s stomach: Yes, YES!  Now, I will wait patiently. Digesting gum to bide the time.
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: Jughead is at his front door as he begins to reach for the door knob as he licks his lips.
 
Jughead: One bite of that delectable sweet will make this entire rotten lovey dovey pish posh fricka frack I’ll have to trudge through worth it!
 
Panel two: Jughead opens the door as Ethel is dressed up in a heart costume with a banner reading: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY. She has her lips puckered for a kiss as Jughead looks blankly at her.
 
Ethel: Do you know what today is, Juggie?
 
Panel three: Jughead just slams the door in her face nonchalantly.
 
Jughead: International Door Slamming Day.
 
SFX: SLAM
 
Panel four: Jughead is walking away from the door as Ethel is knocking on the door.
 
Ethel outside: Hear that? That’s my heart beating for you!
 
Jughead: Thought it was the theme to JAWS.
 
Panel five: Outside Ethel is kicking and punching at the door as Jughead is sneaking out a side window of the house.
 
SFX: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
 
Ethel: Jughead!! Come out!! It’s the day of love!!
 
SFX: KICK KICK
 
Ethel: LOVE!
 
Page 3
 
Panel one: Ethel turns around to see Jughead running away into the distance.
 
Ethel: Sigh. He’s so adorable when he plays hard to get.
 
Panel two: A close up on Ethel as she winks at the reader.
 
Ethel: But this year, Ethel Muggs came prepared.
 
Panel three: Jughead is looking back with a smile as he takes long strides down a sidewalk.
 
Jughead: Well, that’s that for Ethel.
 
Panel four: Jughead is shocked to see Ethel, now dressed in regular clothes right behind him, holding a plate with a cloche over it. Jughead stops in mid stride as he looks on in disbelief that Ethel somehow got ahead of him.
 
Ethel: Juggie! Fancy running into you!
 
Caption: Wait, What?
 
Panel five: Jughead is talking to a caption box as Ethel is frozen in place. The caption box is right at Jughead’s face ast they talk.
 
Jughead: Something wrong?
 
Caption: No. It’s just…. Um…I get your stomach talking to you, but how did she get ahead of you?
 
Panel six: Jughead slightly shrugs his shoulders at the caption box as the caption box tilts as if trying to sneak off the panel.
 
Jughead: You understand how my stomach has gained independent sentience…? You’re loony.
 
Caption: …I’m just going to say out of the way for the rest of the story unless there’s an emergency…
 
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: Over the shoulders of Ethel as Ethel begins to lift the cloche as Jughead turns his head.
 
Ethel: So how about the juggie love ship deck Ethel bay with a kissie wissie?
 
Jughead: The S.S. Jughead has set shore and laid anchor at Never Going To Happen Land.
 
Panel two: Ethel has the cloche up to reveal a pile of delicious chocolate cookies with the chocolate bits shaped like harts. The aroma goes into his nostrils as he is overtaken. Jughead is reaching out with both hands for the cookies as he has his tongue hanging down his chin.
 
Jughead: Raise anchor! Set the sails!
 
Panel three: Ethel slams the lid back down as Jughead bangs his fingers against the cloche as he winces in pain as pain stars surround his hands.
 
Ethel: No so fast!
 
Panel four: Ethel holds out her head and puckers her lips for Jughead to kiss. Jughead is blowing into his pain riddled finger as he tries to blow away the pain stars over each digit. A jogger confused jogger looks on at Jughead not noticing an open manhole.
 
Ethel: If you want cookies in stomach I want lips on lips. A kiss for a cookie. Sugar for sugar.
 
Panel five: Jughead takes a step back off-panel as Ethel closes her eyes and can barely contain herself as she thinks she’s finally going to get all the kisses she wants. The man is leaping out of the manhole as an alligator sticks it’s head out to bite at him.
 
Jughead: Fine. Just give me a few seconds.
 
Ethel: Tee-hee.
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: The entire panel is black with only Ethel’s thought balloon.
 
Ethel thought balloon: It’s finally happening!
 
Panel two: Pure black as the first panel save for the thought balloon.
 
Ethel thinking: And Jughead is so happy! Listen to him pant and bark.
 
Panel three: The panel is pure black save for the middle to show Ethel is opening her eyes to see Hot Dog and Vegas charge at her with their tongues out and overjoyed to see her.
 
Ethel thought balloon: “Pant and bark”? What is—
 
Panel four: Hot Dog and Vegas leap at Ethel and knock her to the ground as the plate of cookies fly in the air and Jughead happily waits for it to fall into his open hands.
 
Ethel: ACCKK
 
Panel five: In the foreground, Hot Dog and Vegas are licking Ethel’s face all over as this tickles her as she struggles to stop them while laughing her head off. In the background, Jughead is walking away while eating the last cookie as he leaves the plate and cloche on the sidewalk. In the background, a penguin with a hand glider is dropping a box of chocolates to the alligator as it waves hello to the penguin.
 
Jughead: Kiss for cookies.
 
Jughead: It’s for the dogs.
 
Ethel: Hee Hee! Stop Stop!!
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: Jughead is walking past an antique shop called Golden Oldies Retros as he has a strut in his step as he is happy he got rid of Ethel for a bit. Walking past him is Maria and Frankie and Chuck and Nancy.All of Riverdale is decorated in red and pink with red hearts hanging on poles and even a stop light with hearts shaped lights. On other shop windows are various drawings of cartoon boys and girls giving each other cards.

 
Jughead: Well, took care of Ethel, and now to get my just reward.
 
 
Panel two: Jughead walks up to Mama B’s bakery to see that a long light of teenage boys are waiting in line and out the sidewalk. Each one has a pink or red envelop in their arms. Jughead tips his hat as he’s concerned by what he sees.
 
Jughead: Curses. There goes my hope and dreams of this being a six page story. If there’s one thing I hate more than Valentine’s Day, its extra work.
 
Jughead: Well, work in general. Just effort specifically.

 
Panel three: Jughead taps the shoulder of one of the angry teens in front of him as he is scribbling on a Valentine’s Day card.
 
Jughead: Pardon.
 
Angry teen: What’d ya want, string bean?
 
Jughead: Two things: one, when did everyone come down with a sever case of sweet tooth…
 
Jughead: …and two, can I skip ahead. I already prepaid a year back and all the red and pink is making me nauseous. I’ll be in and out.
 
Panel four: The teen grabs Jughead by collar and lifts him off the ground. Jughead’s face remains stoic to everything.
 
Angry teen: We all forgot today was Valentine ’s Day and we now we need to get our sweeties’ chocolates to show how much we love them!
 
Jughead: Sounds to me you fellas forgot the wrong type of date.
 
Panel five: The angry teen to the approval of the other angry boyfriends toss Jughead right at the reader as Jughead does his best to try and flap his arms hoping it will help him fly and not be injured.
 
Angry teen: --And as for skipping ahead of us all after we’ve waited hours—
 
Angry teen: SCRAM!!!
 
Caption: EMERGENCY! Readers, duck! He’s coming right at you!!
 
Page 7
 
Panel one: Jughead falls into the arms of Moose as Jughead tips his hat to him.
 
SFX: Plop
 
Moose: Duh, Jughead I didn’t know you could fly.
 
Jughead: Anything can fly if you propel if fast enough. It’s the land that’s normally the problem. Thanks, Moose.
 
Panel two: Moose sets Jughead down as Jughead looks back with a sinister glare at the line of boyfriends just a few feet away from him.
 
Jughead: So guess you’re out getting gifts for Midge for his hallmark holiday.
 
Moose: Nah, I don’t read books. But I did get my Midgie a few Valentine ’s Day gifts last week. Only the best for Midge.
 
Jughead: Huh. Funny thing…
 
Panel three: Jughead points back at the line of teens who are all reading and comparing cards. Over the left side of the panel we can see Moose become enraged as blood vessels in his arms and fists pop out.
 
Jughead: Those guys were getting the best chocolates for Midge. I told them the lady was spoken for, but they gave me the heave ho.
 
Moose: IS. THAT. SO.
 
Panel four: Moose’s finger taps the angry teen’s shoulder as he begins to turn around, not knowing who it is.
 
Angry teen: Look, needle nose, I’m getting my girl her stupid chocolate and that’s that!!
 
Angry Teen: Wah---?
 
Panel five: Moose is towering over the angry teen and all the other teenage boys waiting in line as he looks demonic. Moose has flaming skulls in his eyes and his skin tone is a bright red as he is so enraged. Moose’s hair is standing up straight. Steam is erupting from Moose’s ears like a volcano and he is snorting flames. Behind him Moose, Jughead is pointing with a free hand at the sign he is holding that reads: You say scram, I say VAMOOSE.
 
Moose: RRAAAARRRRRRR
 
 
 
Page 8
 
Panel one: Jughead is at the counter to Mama B’s as Mama B is confused as to what happened to all her customers as she walks back behind the counter from the back. She has small specks of floor on her face and apron. Jughead has set the sign he had on the counter as play innocent.
 
Mama B: Jughead! Where did you come from?
 
Jughead: If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that, I’d have Hiram Lodge as my butler.
 
Panel two: A close-up on Jughead as he has his arms folded on the counter as he eagerly waits to get his chocolate frosted supreme sugar bomb. Mama B is trying to hold her laughter as she is reaching down behind the counter. In the background through the windows Mama B’s, Moose is still chasing after every guy who was waiting ahead of Jughead.
 
Mama B: I meant what happened to that long line, child.
 
Jughead: Well, let’s just say, Cupid’s arrow isn’t the only thing that’s going to strike them today.
 
 
Panel three: Mama B opens a large sized flat box that the reader can’t see over her shoulders but Jughead looks at it as his face twists in disgust.
 
Mama B: It doesn’t matter, and don’t fret, Mama B has an elephant’s memory. I know why you’re here.  I made you treat just how you like it and even gave it a special design for the holiday.
 
Jughead: It’s like something from my nightmares.
 
Panel four: Mama B closes the lid and pulls the box back slightly much to Jughead’s chagrin.
 
Aunt B. Well, if you don’t like it, I can just give you your money back. I’m sure someone else would appreciate—
 
Panel five: Jughead snatches the box as Aunt B chuckles to herself.
 
Jughead: I eat with my eyes closed and mouth wide open. This is not a problem!
 
Mama B: Mmm-humm.
 
 
 
Page 9
 
Panel one: Jughead looks at the box in his hand with a smile as he struggles to carry it, happy with his purchase as he walks back to his home as he is now in a suburban area of Riverdale.
 
Jughead: Not a fan of the chocolate sculpting, but I don’t understand how an unfinished statue with no arms is considered a work of art.
 
Jughead: Besides, it will be delicious. I waited a year for this. Nothing is going to ruin this for me.
 
Panel two: Jughead is turning the corner as he hears a noise that stops him in his track.
 
Ethel off panel: Sob Sob.
 
Panel three: Ethel is sitting on the sidewalk crying into her arms as Jughead looks on sympathetically. Sitting next to her is Hot Dog and Vegas. Hot Dog leans his head sympathetically towards her while Vegas licks her elbow as he tries to make her feel better.
 
Ethel: (sniff sniff) All I wanted…was to wish him a Happy Valentine’s day…!
 
Ethel: (Sob sob) And maybe just one little kiss…is just one kiss asking so much....
 
Panel four: Jughead looks down at the box as he exhales and his lips flutter his facial expression is one that says” easy come, easy go.”
 
Panel five: Jughead walks up to Ethel and taps her shoulder as Ethel turns her head up towards him.
 
Ethel: Huh?
 
Panel six: Jughead offers the box with his chocolate frosted sugar supreme bomb inside as Ethel is perplexed by Jughead’s actions and words.
 
Jughead: This is the best anyone can ever hope for.

 
Page 10
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are walking along the street as Betty and Veronica are each carrying several boxes of different size and shapes of candy.
 
Veronica: Bettykins, I’d have to say this was a nice year for us both.
 
Betty: And even better day for our dentist, Ronnie.
 
Panel two: Betty and Veronica are walking down the same street that Jughead had been before he saw Ethel from the last page. Veronica is rolling her eyes and smiling at Betty’s comment.
 
Betty: I say we share with our friends. Like Ethel. Poor girl spends her entire day chasing the same boy all for naught. I can’t imagine what that’s like.
 
Veronica: Sure you can’t.
 
Panel three: Betty turns to Veronica to argue as a wide eyed Veronica is pointing straight ahead.
 
Betty: I saw that! I saw you roll your eyes!
 
Veronica: Really? Good. Now look at that and tell me what I’m seeing!
 
Panel four: In the foreground, Ethel is standing up and is kissing the now revealed giant puckered lips chocolate frosted sugar bomb as she has melted chocolate covering her face and dripping down her arms as Hot Dog and Vegas happily wait for each chocolate drop to hit their extended tongues as they happily wag their tails. In the background, Betty and Veronica are in shock and let their arms down and their valentine candy falls at their feet.
 
Ethel: BEST
 
Smooch
 
Ethel: VALENTINE’S DAY
 
Smooch
 
Ethel: EVER!!
 
THE END.
 

10
Reviews / PTF Reviews Betty and Veronica: Farewell Riverdale
« on: January 29, 2017, 11:15:57 AM »
One issue at a time.



 
 
Issue 272:
 
My, what a cheery cover. Betty and Veronica look so happy as they venture out into the world. I don’t normally skim pages but I just can’t help myself—OH DEAR LORD THEY DIED!?!
 
The Good:
 
 
Betty and Veronica: While a good majority of the characters are hampered by the first act (and the main stars not being in the first ten pages) fake out, Betty and Veronica are in character. Veronica is her usual arrogant self who doesn’t think before she speaks. Betty is nervous and already trepidations about leaving home. How they each say goodbye to Archie at the airport is all on point.
 
There’s some good jokes. You have a fun exchange about girls with Archie, Reggie, Jughead and Kevin Keller that I chuckled at. And if not for the art or coloring (I’ll go into detail later) there is a really funny joke with Midge and Cheryl that Midge ends up winning 2 to 1.
 
The second half: It’s not perfect, but it’s sure as heck better than the first half of the issue (I’ll get to that later). You actually do have some nice moments with Betty and Veronica with their family and friends. And actual jokes and funny moments. What Archie Comics are—er, were about. It’s nice to see two characters with so many friends and how cherished they are. Overblown…yeah. But it sure as heck beats pretending for ten pages they died!!
 
Cheryl: She’s a…um, witch. Yeah, we’ll keep this review PG. She wants to take advantage of Betty and Veronica leaving, gets into a fight with Midge over it, and immediately tries to date Archie and Reggie.
 
Betty crying: Out of all of Riverdale, you seem to be the only one capable of biologically crying in the appropriate manner, for the most part. I just want you to know I appreciate that.
 
Good art: I’m not a fan of most of the art in this issue but we do have some good pages. Like Betty’s mom or The Lodges. Unfortunately it’s kind of pointless and wasted by the stupid first half of the issue. And the very last few pages with the girls and their families and Archie are nice. Also, I know it’s not intentional, but after the first ten pages, Mr. Cooper’s expression just seems funny. “Wait? They’re not dead??”
 
The Coloring: Glenn Whitmore is at the top of his game. I think my favorite coloring is with Smithers looking to Veronica’s empty room and crying. I mean, it’s in the first ten pages I hated what they did with, but at hey—at least I know Smithers cares about Veronica…unlike her parents!
 
 Bridgette: I’m not a fan of this Mary Sue, and last I heard, she was in another country world famous. Now she’s back in Riverdale, probably a grade behind her friends, and poor. She had her dream and lost it! That’s why she looks so unhappy! Ha-Ha!
 
Ginger Lopez. Whew. I thought we’d have a Dan Parent drawn comic without her for a second.
 
 
 
The Bad:
 
What a twist—feh. Okay, so we have this fun cheery cover of the girls smiling and waving goodbye to us with nice happy coloring—and then the first half of the story has every character (save for The Lodges) acting like Betty and Veronica died!! I’m not joking, you have every character crying/sweating like the girls’ plane went down in a fiery blaze. Okay, let’s take out the cover (no, keep it. It’s one of the few good things) but it’s just stupid, unnecessary. Honestly, a lot of it feels like it’s just something to take up page space. I mean, I don’t know what you could have done…maybe, just throwing this out there—HAVE THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN THE FIRST TEN PAGES OF THEIR BOOK!!! …Okay, me Michael Uslan are not going to get along very well with one another. I can tell that right now.
 
Um, why are they leaving? Yeah, they never really say why they’re leaving. That seems important.
 
The art. I’m going to be honest. I’m not a fan of Dan Parent’s art. I just don’t like it. I can take it in small doses. But when you had Ruiz, Lindsey, The Kennedys…he’s second worst, just ahead of Pat in my pecking order And his art works best in limited pages and limited characters. Just check out ever female character not Bridgette, remember those old comics where you could cut out the hair and clothing and tape over them? That’s what you can do with Dan Parent’s girls. And besides that a lot of pages seem rushed and sloppy. Like the Little versions of the Archie crew and the first page where we see Mr. Weatherbee and Ms. Grundy After the fight, Midge looked like she did have a black eye, but Cheryl…she looks like she hadn’t slept for two days, and it hurts a funny joke. And during the double spread…I’m trying to figure out the proportions of Archie and the stage to everyone else.  And looking back…Raj looks like he’s about to fall over. Also, there are a lot of misshapen (but polite sign holding) mutants. No wonder the girls want to leave! Horror was coming to Riverdale sooner than we all thought!
 
Jughead’s mom: This deserves its own little spot because—I HATE WHEN JUGHEAD AND HIS MOM ARE DRAWN TO LOOK ALIKE!!!
 
Tears? Okay this annoyed the heck out of me throughout the story. You have all these characters crying and, save for Betty, they look like someone turned up the heat. The way they’re drawn it looks like the tears start right at the upper cheek. It’s really weird and it happens so much it’s annoying. I get that the idea is the tears rolling down their face…but it doesn’t look that way! It looks like sweat!
 
Okay, now I know you’re wasting my time: There’s a small section of a page where Mr. Weatherbee critiques Miss Grundy for watching the Walking Dead and she goes on a mini-rant about classical monsters…WHY WOULD YOU GO THERE? Even crudely drawn Archie, Jughead, and Ginger Lopez is wondering why we’re wasting time with this.
 

 
And for the record, Mr. Weatherbee is right about The Walking Dead being horrible.
 
Character walking into the panel. How dare you. Deadpool is the only character that is allowed to break the 4th wall!!
 
Miss Grundy slamming the door behind her: It’s just rude.
 
What I learned from what I read.
 
 Betty won’t be missed. She already has a little clone running around.
  • Smithers loves Veronica more than her parents.
  • Don’t insult classical literature involving monsters in front of Miss. Grundy.
  • People in Riverdale cry really weird.
  • Midge >>>>Cheryl. SHIROUKEN!!
  • Mr. Weatherbee doesn’t like The Walking Dead.
  • Every time Betty and Veronica are out of eyeshot, everyone in Riverdale reaches new lows in depression.
  • Mrs. Cooper gets real emotional folding laundry.
  • A Power point presentation? Riverdale is full of cavepeople.
  • Wait…Veronica left for the plane first, then Betty left after saying goodbye to Archie—and Veronica is behind Archie right after Betty leaves? Veronica’s a nightcrawler!!
 
 
I’m not going to lie, this was a rough one. I hated the first ten pages of trying a stupid stunt no one with a brain or working eyes would fall for and this issue felt like so much filler and buying time. The art is pretty bad. A lot of characters look so sloppy. But there is the occasional good dialogue and jokes and a few pages where I do give Dan Parent credit on the art. I’m going to be super super SUPER nice and go D+
 
And not onto the next issue where the girls haven’t left Riverdale…wait, what? Am I reviewing these in the right order?!
 

11
Reviews / PTF Reviews Target: Jughead
« on: January 25, 2017, 02:17:18 AM »
 PTF Reviews Target: Jughead.
 
Man, the things you find at a late January yard sale! I guess global warming isn’t so bad afterall. Trust me, when I went into that old ladies y-sale, I did not expect to find digests (Jughead with Archie 171-173...for a dollar! WHOOO!) containing a story I’ve been looking for forever, along with all issues of the Kevin Keller series and a certain infamous storyline round these parts. Oh, and The Changling. But the DVD didn’t work so that’s one dollar wasted, but does the first Trula Twyst story live up to the hype? Let’s find out!
 
Jughead is paranoid. The boys of Riverdale High believe he is faking being a woman hater and this one particular curly haired girl is everywhere he goes. Is there a connection, a scheme, if so what?
 
The Good.
 
Boldman and Lindsey: The ultimate Jughead crew. I really can’t think of a single story by these two that I hate. And they had over ten years. And this story is one of their best. Jughead is at his quirkiest and wittiest. Jughead dealing with each agents of J.U.S.T. by eating, sleeping, or just turning one into a couch potato. How I miss closed eyes, witty, cunning Jughead over opened eyes, “happy-happy-cray-cray” Jughead. And the build to this story is really good. Trula is brought in as possible an innocent victim of circumstance, to the reader thinking she’s just another one off character Jughead will best to…wow. She won. And the design for Trula Twyst probably looks familiar because Lindsey used this design for a lot of one time characters. Let’s see there was a girl at museum, softball player, and girlfriend to Mad Doctor Mad’s sidekick, Chester. At least I think it was Chester or a handsome rip off of the guy.
 
Anyway, the character designs (and there’s quite a few) are great, each character looks different in some way. It’s just a great classic Archie art from the most underrated Archie artist. ...And kudos for the ominous wind whenever the orange door is in panel after part one. It's just super funny to me.

 
 
 
Trula Twyst: Easily one of my favorite supporting characters of Archie Comics. I’ve always considered Jughead the Bugs Bunny of Archie Comics. Trula Twyst is the tortoise or The Gremlin. A character that the usually invincible can’t beat because they’re just better than the main character at being clever. And she is at all time form in this story that sees her manipulate everyone at Riverdale High, with Jughead being the lynch pin to her plans, and she wins. Plays everyone like a fiddle with not a single hiccup along the way. And the thing is: she’s just so witty and entertaining you’re fine with it. She’s smart, able to hang with Jughead in the wit department, and she is pleasant to everyone. She’s just manipulative and dead set on getting her end result.
 
 I think my favorite part in the story that shows she is a threat is at The Chocklit Shop. Jughead is pretending he wants a girlfriend and chooses Trula (hoping to make guys want to date her/unwittingly doing exactly what she wants) Jughead breaks character when he orders an oversized ice cream cone and doesn’t plan to get Trula anything. Trula’s response? Just break the lower part of the cone off. Closely followed is Jughead’s reaction to Trula telling him she tricked him. One of the few times when Jughead is at a lost for words and loses his composure not food related. Well, until later encounters with Trula.
 
Each part is twelve pages and it just flows really well.

 
 
 
The Bad:
 
The Coloring: We have a few problems with the coloring in this three part story. In the first part, Trula’s hair is more of a brownish red instead of just red. Also the dreaded orange door that leads to the lair of Trula Twyst…is brown until the last part of the story. I kind of understand Trula’s hair because she is just introduced. But the door is said to be orange. I guess Barry Grossman decided to read the script at part three a bit better. But besides these minor problems, the typical great job from Barry Grossman.
 
The wait. I had to find this at an old lady’s yard sale!?! What the heck, Archie Comics?! Some intern lose a box labeled “Boldman characters?” Sorry for bringing back bad memories to the furries out there. Totally insensitive on my part.
 
What I learned from reading:
 
 There’s always someone better than you at what you’re the best at.
  • Rhymatic channel surfing is a lost art. (Stupid DVRs making it easy on lazy kids these days)
  • It’s not how thick a thief is, but how crooked.
  • Girls are way more organized than boys.
  • Everyone wants what someone else has.
  • Poetry reading helps move along a good nap.
  • You’re not paranoid if someone really is out to get you.
  • Dumpsters are the best hiding spots in comics.
  • Jughead dating throws off the entire universe.
  • Beware of orange doors!!!
 
And there we have it. A story I’ve long waited to be reprinted in a digest…and end up just lucking into it. Trula seems to be a pretty popular character…so we don’t we ever see more of her? I remember reading how she wasn’t going to be used much, but was popular with the readers. And I can see why: good character design, her mind games set her apart from the other characters, and she’s just a great nemesis for Jughead.
 
Why she didn’t appear near the end before the reboot or even show up in the reboot? I have no idea. Best I can figure that in the end it was down to Ruiz and Parent and each had characters they preferred. Trula wasn’t one of them. I’d like to say that Trula will be in the new verse one day—but I’m still wondering if Jughead has a baby sister or if Ethel exists in the Jughead book. But the thing is with Trula or any other character that isn’t getting the representation we all like: there are still stories out there to find. Sure it’s harder, but after all the waiting I had for this story, it made reading it more special. Of course, I’m saying that as someone who accomplished his quests so…have fun slaying your dragons, folks, I’m done! WHOOO!!
 
 
 
Grade: A. The worst is a few miscolorings. This is a classic story that should be read. HEAR THAT ARCHIE COMICS. …Oh, you’re busy making a one shot Jughead as a werewolf. Sorry for interrupting your important business.
 
And for my next review Betty and Veronica: Farewell Riverdale. Betty & Veronica 272-277  I read one part of this years back and…it wasn’t good. Maybe time has aged this story like fine wine. And c’mon, I got these issues for two bucks. It’s going to be hard to not be worth the money.
 
Right?
 
Right…?
 

12
Fan Fiction / Archie in Resolution Desolation
« on: December 31, 2016, 06:22:55 PM »
 Archie in Resolution Desolation.
 
Page 1
 
Panel one: Setting is The Andrews Living Room as Archie, sitting on a couch, is writing on a piece of paper as he has his tongue sticking out to one side as he focuses on what he is writing. The paper has several puncture holes and rips in it because of how careless Archie has been as he holds it up instead of using a book to help making writing on the paper easier. Vegas is next to him juggling a doggie treat on his nose, trying to gain Archie’s attention to no avail. Behind Archie, Mr. Andrews is looking on curiously.
 
Mr. Andrews thinking: Ah, yes, it’s the day before the New Year and it looks like Archie’s finally come up with his resolution.
 
Panel two: Archie holds up the paper in pride with both hands as Mr. Andrews looks on. Vegas is grumpily eating the dog treat as he knows he’s not getting noticed and just given up on it.
 
Archie: I’ve done it! The perfect resolution to improve myself for next year!
 
Panel three: Mr. Andrews reads the paper as Archie cringes as he is surprised by his father.
 
Mr. Andrews “Always wear matching socks.”
 
Archie: Yeep!
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: Archie stands up and motions for Vegas to give him support, but Vegas walks away and sticks his tail straight up. Mr. Andrews begins to lecture Archie.
 
Mr. Andrews: Well, I suppose it’s better than last year’s “always rewind my blu-rays” or the year before that and “I swear to never lose a freckle”.
 
Archie: Well, um, Pop, you see…
 
Panel two: Mr. Andrews waves the paper at Archie as Archie shifts his nose to his left and right to avoid the left lower corner of the paper as Mr. Andrews waves the paper at his face.
 
Mr. Andrews: Son, I don’t see why you even bother making a New Year’s resolution when you make it so simple you could literally do it in your sleep!
 
 
Panel three: Archie lowers his head in shame.
 
Archie: I know, I know. It’s just—well, I know that if I make it difficult resolution there’s no way I’m going to be able to do it.
 
Panel four: Mr. Andrews points his finger at Archie as Archie is encouraged by his father’s words.
 
Mr. Andrews: That’s because you see the glass half empty instead of half full!
 
Mr. Andrews: Have you ever thought about what if you do succeed? Not only will you show inner strength but you’ll be a better man each and ever year going forward!
 
Panel five: Mr. Andrews sticks out his chest in pride as Archie is inspired.
 
Mr. Andrews: Like me! I kept my New Year’s resolution and I was rewarded with the greatest prize: Self-Respect!
 
Panel six: Archie jumps up in the air as he pumps a fist high as Mr. Andrews nods in approval.
 
Archie: I’ll do it!!
 
Page 3
 
Panel one: Mr. Andrews is walking into the kitchen as Mrs. Andrews is washing a few dishes as she eyes him with a smile.
 
Mr. Andrews: Mary, I’m proud to say, I think I finally got something into Archie’s head, and it looks like it may just take!
 
Panel two: Mary smiles as she dries a dish with a cloth as Fred becomes nervous.
 
Mary: Oh, I heard darling. It was riveting. Hairs on my arms stood right up.
 
Fred: Oh…well good.
 
Panel three: Mr. Andrew begins to poor himself a cup of coffee as he’s right next to Mary as she puts the dish in the drainer with the rest.
 
Mrs. Andrews: Fred, if I remember, wasn’t your resolution for this year, “lose fifty pounds”?
 
Mr. Andrews: It was and I did.
 
Panel four: Mr. Andrew mischievously smiles at Mrs. Andrews as Mrs. Andrews lets the very soapy dish water out.
 
Mr. Andrews: I reset the scales back each and every time before my self imposed weigh-in every four months or so.
 
 
Panel five: Mrs. Andrews playfully gives Mr. Andrews a kiss on his cheek and rubs a few bubbles on the left side of his chin as he smiles.
 
Mrs. Andrews: Can’t argue with that logic.
 
Mr. Andrews: Because it’s sound? Clever?
 
Mrs. Andrews: No. My resolution was to be more tolerant of my silly husband.
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: The setting is now The Chocklit Shoppe as Archie is taking giant strides towards Jughead, who is at the counter eating a cheeseburger. Jughead points back at Archie to Pop Tate as Pop rolls his eyes. In the background, a mother with a baby boy wearing a banner reading: 2016 is leaving as Trula Twyst, Chuck, Vic, and Maria wave goodbye to him.
 
Archie: Jughead!
 
Jughead: Hey, Pop, never mind putting this on my tab.
 
Pop Tate: Must be nice having a walking, talking, stumbling, fumbling, freckle faced personal bank account.
 
Panel two: Archie slams a piece of paper on the counter while using his other hand to hand Pop Tate several dollar bills, automatically knowing he’s got to pay for Jughead’s meal. Jughead has finished off the burger and is licking his mouth of sauce.
 
Archie: I’m challenging myself! I’m going to make a big change this coming year! A new starting point for my life!
 
Jughead: If you can’t keep up a bi-monthly schedule, I’m not interested.
 
Panel three: Jughead reads the paper as Archie’s bravado fades.
 
Jughead: “I’m only going to date Betty or Veronica.”
 
Panel four: Jughead turns to Archie as pulls at his hair to show how conflicted he is.
 
Jughead: Arch, pal o’ mine, this isn’t a new year’s resolution, this ever day of your life since you were six.
 
Archie: Argggh! I know! I know!
 
Panel five: Archie sits down next to Jughead as he looks down forlonely at the paper. Jughead holds out his hands like a scale balancing between two items of near equal weight. Jughead is licking his lips as he thinks about the invisible food in both hands.

 
Archie: It’s just so hard to pick just one! They’re both so great!
 
Pop Tate: Archie, when I’m deciding what to put for the special of the month, I weigh the pro and cons of each.
 
Jughead: I can help with that.
 
Archie: Yeah...that might work…
 
(PAGES 5 + 6  are two panels across, three down to break up the pro and cons)
 
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: Betty is holding Archie’s hand as they are walking up to a staircase as she is eager to show Archie something as she pulls him along as they both smile at each other.
 
Caption: Pro: Betty loves me totally, unquestionably.
 
Panel two: Betty is opening the door to her room and showing off her Archie-centric decoration as she has various posters, flat heads, and pictures of Archie on the walls. A bed sheet and pillow covers with Archie’s face on them. On the bed is a teddy bear modeled after Archie. Archie is looking on in shock from the door frame as Betty motions with his arms for him to come in. Archie looks on apprehensively.
 
Caption: Con: She can be possessive.
 
Panel three: Betty is holding up a little bird that has fallen from his next as Archie looks down at it sympathetically. Both are kneeling.  Behind them is the tree that extends past the panel so the reader doesn’t have a clear cut idea on how tall it is.
 
Caption: Pro: Betty is caring.
 
Pane four: High angle view. Archie is climbing a fifty foot tall tree with one hand as he tries to put the baby bird back in its nest. Archie is biting on to a limb and using his free hand to stay up as his feet are dangling. Soaring at him is an angry mother bird. Betty is nearly a dot from the high angle view.
 
Caption:  Con: She can care too much.
 
Panel five: Betty and Archie are walking into The Cooper living room as Mr. Cooper is reading his paper on his chair with the TV on and Mrs. Cooper is vaccuming. Each Cooper parent waves hello to Archie.
 
Caption: Pro: Betty’s parents like me.
 
Panel six: A dejected Archie looks on at the aftermath of havoc his clumsiness has caused as Mr. Cooper sadly looks down at his broken chair and the vacuum has broken in the container and sprayed Mrs. Cooper with the dirt she had collected. Also there is a giant hole in the wall and the TV is on fire Betty gives Archie a pat on his shoulder. Mr. Cooper has a thought balloon of a dollar bill with wings flying out of an empty wallet.
 
Caption: But they don’t like having me over.
 
 
Page 6
 
Panel one: The setting is the beach as Veronica and Archie (Both in swim suits) are running down the shore line arm in arm as they are enjoying each other’s company and having fun.
 
Caption: Pro: Veronica is fun.
 
Panel two: Archie looks over to see that Veronica is gone from his side. In the background, Veronica is surrounded by several beach hunks who are gushing over her as she happily basks in their admiration. One is offering her an ice cream while another is on his knees proposing.
 
Caption: Con: Veronica likes to have fun with other guys.
 
Panel three: A shot of Archie and Veronica in a forest with other people as they are all wearing a shirt reading SAVE THE WOODS. Archie and Veronica are handing out fliers to various people as they walk by. Archie is looking at another female volunteer handing out pins as small hearts are over his head. Veronica rolls her eyes towards Archie as she hands a small child a green frisbee.
 
Caption: Pro: Veronica is a lot more loving and caring than she lets on.
 
Panel four: An enraged Veronica is chasing Archie past the female volunteer as she has a giant tree limb over the back of her head with both arms as she plans to clobber Archie as Archie scrambles for his life.
 
Caption: Con: Veronica has a temper she gladly shows everyone.
 
 
Panel five: Veronica is welcoming Archie into The Lodge Mansion as he looks around at all the antiques, paintings, and high tech television as Veronica smiles proudly.
 
Caption: Pro: Veronica welcomes me into her home with open arms.
 
Panel six: Mr. Lodge is tossing Archie out of the house as Archie lands on his stomach and does a belly flop.
 
Caption: Con: Mr. Lodge escorts me out of his home head first.
 

13
Fan Fiction / Archie and Jughead in Winter Christmas Double Date
« on: December 04, 2016, 11:36:56 AM »
 Archie and Jughead in Winter Christmas Double Date
 
Page one
 
Panel one: The setting is the North Pole as Noelle Claus is at the actual pole of the North Pole as she sadly looks around at all the elves as they are busy carrying toys just behind her. Jingles has an army of teddy bear toys following his orders as they march in line. Sugarplum fairy is shining Rudolph’s nose with a white cloth as the other reindeers look on enviously. In the background is the candy cane gates that lead to Santa’s workshop.
 
Noelle: Sigh.
 
Noelle: Dad’s checking his list, the elves are loading the toys, and Rudolph is getting his nose shined up…
 
Noelle: …And once again, another night without a date for Noelle Claus!
 
Panel two: Noelle frowns as she looks ahead.
 
Noelle: It sure stinks to be the only teenage girl in the north pole!
 
Panel three: Noelle rolls her eyes upwards as it begins to lightly snow just on her.
 
Voice above panel: You think you have problems, girl? Try Global Warming.
 
Panel three: Noelle happily looks up to see Jackie Frost riding a ice sleigh as she smiles and waves her hand to stop the snow from falling on Noelle.
 
Noelle: Jackie Frost!
 
Jackie Frost: How are you doing, Noelle? Not on your daddy’s naughty list this year I hope.
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: Noelle crosses her arms around her chest as she looks back as she reflects on her day. Jackie Frost is landing on the ground right next to her.
 
Noelle: No. But if someone made a list of the top ten bored people in the world, Noelle Claus would be numero uno.
 
 
Panel two: Noelle playfully elbows Jackie Frost as Jackie Frost blushes.
 
Noelle: But enough about me—still nipping at the boys’ noses?
 
Jackie Frost: Well, actually…
 
Panel three: Jackie Frost is talking as Noelle squints her left eye and tilts her head.
 
Jackie Frost: Just one boy in particular. I was going to Riverdale to check up on Jughead Jones.
 
Noelle: Jughead…? Why?
 
Panel four: Jackie Frost uses her magic to create a snowman and puts a carrot on it for the nose as Noelle chuckles.
 
Jackie Frost: What can I say? His nose reminds me of a snowman.
 
Noelle: Jackie, you’re a certified whacko!
 
Panel five: Noelle talks with Jackie as Jackie uses her powers to turn the snowman into an ice sculpture of Archie.
 
Noelle:  know a cute guy in Riverdale. Red hair, freckles.
 
Jackie: Yeah, Jughead’s best friend. Archie, right?
 
Noelle: That’s the name and that’s him!
 
Page 3
 
Panel one: Noelle and Jackie both put a hand on their chin as the both lower their heads as they both think
 
Panel two: Noelle and Jackie Frost both rolls their eyes towards the other and remove their hands to show both are grinning.
 
Panel three: A close-up on the happy faces of the two as they are nearly nose to nose and say the exact same thing.
 
Noelle and Jackie: CHRISTMAS WINTER DOUBLE DATE!!!
 
Panel four: Jackie and Noelle are on Jackie’s sleigh as they fly into the sky and in front of the moon. On the North Pole is a note that Sugarplum Fairy and Jingles are looking up with worried expressions. Rudolph’s nose is too bright as it is blinding reindeer and elf alike as he shows it off.
 
Jackie: Think the boys will be happy to see us?
 
Noelle: More than presents under the tree and full stockings on Christmas morning.
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: The setting is Pickens Park with temperature around 70.  It is the afternoon as Archie and Jughead are talking. Jughead is shivering uncontrollably as Archie looks on concerned. Nearby the three park squirrels are fanning an extremely hot penguin.
 
Archie: Jug, what’s the matter? It’s not that cold out this year.
 
Jughead: I sense something. An approaching evil. A dark entity. It—it chills me to the bone.
 
Panel two: Archie glares at Jughead as Jughead suddenly goes back to his normal self as he wipes imaginary sweat from his brow. As they talk, overhead a wind carrying several snow flakes passes over their heads.
 
Archie: Aw, that’s a bunch of baloney.
 
Jughead: Baloney you say? Pop Tate has the best grilled baloney sandwiches! Then again his burgers are better. Burgers instead then!
 
SFX of the wind: WWEEEOOOOOO
 
Panel three: Archie happily turns his head as Jughead rolls his eyes.
 
Noelle off-panel: Hello, Archie. Guess what?  Christmas has come early this year!
 
Archie: Oboy!
 
Jughead: Oh no.
 
Panel four: Noelle and Jackie are standing in front of Archie and Jughead. Noelle is blowing a blue kiss to Archie as Archie goes weak in the knees and they buckle. Jackie waves a friendly hand at Jughead as Jughead frowns and turns his body away.
 
Noelle: How about taking us two young ladies on a double date, boys?
 
Archie: Guh
 
Jackie Frost: Is that a yes?
 
Jughead: No hable english.
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: A close-up on Archie’s face and Jughead as they are hit with a snowball each.
 
Archie: What--?
 
SFX: PAFF
 
Jughead: Hey--!
 
SFX: PIFF
 
Panel two: Reggie is laughing his head off as he points and laugh at equally frustrated Jughead and Archie. Noelle and Jackie look at Reggie with contempt for interrupting their fun.
 
Reggie: Hyuk Hyuk! Took me hours to scrap the freezer for those snowballs but it was worth!!
 
Panel three: Reggie flashes Noelle and Jackie a smile as he sticks out his chest in pure bravado mode.
 
Reggie: Why don’t you two lovely ladies dump the chumps and date the man of fate?
 
Panel four: Noelle and Jackie turn to each other with wicked grins.
 
Panel five: Jackie Frost uses her powers to arm her and Noelle with snowballs as they both look ahead with mischievous smiles from ear to ear.
 
Panel six: Reggie has been left pummeled with extra large snow balls as several people looking on have no idea how that happened. Archie has Noelle by the arm while Jughead reluctantly walks beside Jackie Frost as they leave the area.
 
Archie: I think we owe the ladies a little something.
 
Jughead. Yeah. Very little, like the size of a dime. Your dime specifically.
 
Page 6
 
Panel one:  The setting is the Chocklit Shoppe as Archie and Noelle is happily eating a burger as Archie watches her with a dopey expression on his face as he is completely mesmerized by her. Pop Tate looks on with a smile as he cleans a glass with a dish clouth.
 
Noelle: Ummm…
 
Noelle: This is good!
 
Panel two: A full shot as we can see Noelle, Archie, Jughead, and Jackie Frost sitting at the front counter of the Chocklit Shoppe. Noelle is happily eating her cheeseburger while Archie looks on; Archie has his own hamburger on his plate that he is moving towards Noelle. Jughead has a piping hot hamburger while Jackie Frost has a chocolate sundae she is eating with a small ice spoon. Jughead protests Archie giving Noelle his burger. Unknown to him, Jackie is beginning to work her magic on his burger.
 
Noelle: All we have at the North Pole are snow cones and candy canes! You going to eat yours?
 
Archie: Help yourself, snowflake.
 
Jughead: Hey! Archie’s burgers are my burgers!
 
Panel three: Jughead picks up his burger and prepares to take a bite as he happily turns his attention back to his own.
 
Jughead: Oh well.
 
Panel four: Jughead bites down as he reacts like he just bit a brick as the burger has been frozen solid thanks to Jackie Frost.
 
SFX: CRRUNNCH
 
Panel five: Jughead shakes his frozen burger at Jackie Frost as Jackie Frost brushes his complaints aside as she happily continues to enjoy her sundae.
 
Jughead: Hey! I ordered a burger, not a TV dinner!
 
Jackie: It’s better this way. Keeps all the taste in one spot. You’ll thank me later.
 
Page 7
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica begin to walk into the Chocklit Shop. Betty is happily talking with Veronica as Veronica looks ahead in anger.
 
Betty: So what do you want for Christmas this year, Ronnie?
 
Veronica: I’ll tell you what I want right now—
 
Panel two: Veronica and Betty begin to storm towards Archie and Noelle as Archie has a worried expression on her face while Noelle happily finishes of the second burger and uses a napkin to clean her mouth.
 
Veronica: --Archie’s head on a platter for talking to another girl behind our backs!
 
Archie: Whuh-oh.
 
Panel three: Veronica is yelling at Noelle as Noelle glares up at Veronica. Betty is standing beside Veronica to show her support.
 
Veronica: And just who do you think you are sitting next to our Archie?!
 
Noelle Claus: Noelle Claus. Santa Claus’ daughter. And you must be leaving. Wouldn’t want on the list, would you?
 
Panel four: Veronica and Noelle go nose to nose as they glare at each other defiantly.
 
Veronica: I’m Veronica Lodge. My daddy is Hiram Lodge, one of the richest men alive. I never had to worry about your father’s naughty list, frostbite.
 
Noelle: I wasn’t talking about the naughty list. I was talking about MY list. You and your friend do not want on it.
 
Panel five: Veronica is defiant as she tilts her nose up and strikes a pose. Betty stands next to her and does the same to show support. Noelle turns her head towards Jackie Frost as Jackie Frost begins to form a small winter wind vortex around her right hand. Archie is hiding under his seat. Jughead is licking his frozen hamburger like an ice cream bar and not paying attention to anything that is happening.
 
Veronica: Try us.
 
Betty: Yeah!
 
Noelle: Fine. Jackie, you happen to have a pen on you?
 
Jackie: Why yes I do.
 
Page 8
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are being chased out of the Chocklit Shop by a giant snowball.
 
Betty: That’s Santa’s daughter?!
 
Veronica: She must be adopted!!
 
Panel two: Noelle pulls Archie to his feet as she prepares to leave with him. Ahead of them, Jackie is dragging Jughead along as Jughead continues to lick his hamburger. The entire Chocklit Shoppe has frozen over with the floor now icy, tables and chairs frozen, and icicles hanging from the ceiling. Pop Tate is shaking uncontrollably and his teeth are chattering as he can’t control himself.
 
Noelle: So what else does Riverdale have to offer, Archie?
 
Archie: Well, the Riverdale Cinema is just a block or two away--
 
Panel three: Archie, Jughead, Noelle, and Jackie Frost are walking by the Riverdale Cinema as Noelle runs to it as she pulls Archie along. Jackie Frost laughs at the two while Jughead rolls his eyes.
 
Noelle: A movie theater!
 
Panel four: Archie and Noelle are at the ticket booth as they are getting the tickets. On the wall beside the booth are two posters. One for Nova Blast: Hope Returns Again Twice (a parody of the new Star Wars movie). The other poster is Merry Christmas from the North Pole, Happy Holidays from the South Pole. The poster has a picture of a buff elf at the North Pole and a extremely beautiful Christmas fairy riding a polar bear at the South Pole.
 
Ticket Master: So what do you kids wanna see?
 
Noelle: …You have movies that are not “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street”?
 
 
Panel five: Noelle happily jumps for joy as Archie sadly takes what few dollars he has out of his wallet. Jackie Frost is in the background asking Jughead a question as Jughead poses like a jedi knight as his response.
 
Noelle: Both! Let’s watch both!
 
Archie: I wonder if Santa will put some reimbursements in my stockings?
 
Page 9
 
Panel one: Some time later as the gang leave the movie theater. Noelle is wearing 3D glasses and is thrilled with what she’s seen as Archie looks at her with a smile. Behind her, Jackie Frost and Jughead have a mock light saber battle with icicles, much to the confusion of several people around them.
 
Noelle: Those movies where great! Who knew movies didn’t have to do with holidays?
 
Panel two: Archie points to the nearby Pickens Park as Noelle and Jackie agree. Jughead is dismayed.
 
Archie: How about a walk around Pickens Park to stretch our legs after hours of sitting?
 
Noelle: Perfect.
 
Jackie: Sure.
 
Jughead: The flaw of democracy, people.
 
Panel three: Noelle and Archie walk together as Noelle looks around the park disappointed. Jughead is trying his best to walk ahead of Jackie Frost, but she keeps keeping up with him much to his dismay.
 
Noelle: Hm. This is nice. But walking is boring. Can we do something else?
 
Archie: Well, normally during winter, we get a good snow where we can build snowmen and snowball fights…
 
Archie: … but the temp has been record high this time of year.
 
Noelle: Is that so?
 
Panel four: Noelle looks back at Jackie as Jackie Frost waves her hands as she prepares to work her magic.
 
Noelle: What do you think about that, Miss Frost?
 
Jackie Frost: I think therefore I am. And I am winter personified therefore…
 
Page 10
 
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee and Ms. Grundy are walking along in Pickens Park as they are dressed in spring clothing. Ms. Grundy begins to shiver as a cold breeze blows past her.
 
Mr. Weatherbee: I wouldn’t mind if we had weather like this all winter.
 
Ms. Grundy: Brrrr! Did it just get colder or is it just me?
 
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee and Mrs. Grundy walk a bit further in Pickens Park as they can’t believe that what the see. In an area of Pickens Park that has six inches of snow, Noelle and Archie are trying to build a snowman, but Archie trips and knocks it over as Noelle laughs at him. Jackie Frost and Jughead have their snowman done as Jughead puts his hat on top of it. Nearby a disco duck is on a small sled being pulled by the Pickens Park squirrels as he strikes John Travolta pose. The penguin from earlier is happily swimming around in the snow. Several other kids are making snow angels and throwing snowballs at each other.
 
Mr. Weatherbee: I’ve heard of isolated rain, but pin point accurate snow--?!
 
Panel three: Jackie Frost begins to freeze the pond as Noelle and Archie are making snow angels next to each other. Jughead is standing next to Jackie Frost as he is eating a snowcone.
 
Jughead: What are you up to?
 
Jackie Frost: Soda and milk are better ice cold, right? This will be too!
 
Panel four: Still at Pickens Park only the duck pond has been frozen as Archie and Noelle are slipping on the ice as Noelle tries to steady the slipping uncontrollably Archie. Jughead is casually skating by the two with a shrug shoulder as Jackie Frost looks at him impressed. Several ducks are skating across the ice along with a conga line of small children. The three squirrels have dug a small ice hole and are using an acorn as bait for a fish who looks at the acorn with disgust. The penguin is sliding along doing the king of the world pose as several ducks and geese make way and bow.
 
Archie: Sorry, I’m not that good of a skater!
 
Noelle: Really? I couldn’t tell.
 
Jackie: Wow. I’m impressed. What’s your secret?
 
Jughead: If I told, it wouldn’t be a secret.
 
 
Page 11
 
Panel one: Archie, Jughead, and the girls are getting off the ice pond as the children and the animals continue to have fun behind them.
 
Archie: Man, this has been fun!
 
Noelle: Now, what should we do next?
 
Panel two: Noelle frowns as she knows her fun has just ended.
 
Voice off-panel one: How about stop what you’re doing…
 
Voice off-panel two: …And come home before Santa Claus worries his beard off?!
 
 
Panel three: Noelle and Jackie Frost look up Sugarplum fairy and Jingles the elf are floating above head. Sugarplum is focusing on Noelle while Jingles is pointing at Jackie. Both girls are disappointed that their fun is over.
 
Sugarplum fairy: Noelle, you know better than wander off without telling anyone!
 
Noelle: Hmph.
 
Jingles: And Jackie Frost, this is winter time, you have a job to do!
 
Jackie: I need to join a union.
 
Panel three: Noelle reaches inside of her coat pocket as a disappointed Archie looks on.
 
Archie: You really have to go?
 
Noelle: ‘Fraid so, daddy sent his top henchmen for me, but I do have a gift for you.
 
Panel four: Archie has a snow globe in his hands that has a small blue doorway in it with fake snow on the ground around it.
 
Noelle off-panel: Here. A special snow globe. On any December day turn it upside down and right side up and I’ll appear.
 
Archie: Cool!
 
Page 12
 
Panel one: Jackie Frost gives an unmoved Jughead a kiss on the cheek.
 
Jackie Frost: Maybe we’ll get lucky and the groundhog will see his shadow, Jughead. How does six more weeks of winter grab you?
 
Panel two: Jughead begins to wipe the kiss off his face as he responds.
 
Jughead: Like the cold, clammy hands of death.
 
Panel three: Jackie walks away and waves goodbye as she blushes. Jughead’s palm is stuck to his face like a tongue to a frozen metal pole in winter as he can’t free it.
 
Jackie: Brrrr. The cold shoulder. I love it.
 
 
Panel four: High angle view as Jackie Frost and Noelle are in the ice sled as they fly off along side Sugarplum fairy and Jingles the elf. Noelle waves back at Archie as Sugarplum fairy looks on jealously. Jingles is stroking his beard and trying to impress Jackie Frost, who playfully winks at him to not hurt his feelings. Below them, Archie is waving goodbye with one arm and Jughead is waving goodbye with one hand as the other hand is still stuck to his face.
 
Jackie Frost whispering: So New Year is right around the corner…
 
Noelle Claus whispering: You read my mind, girlfriend.
 
 
 
 
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS
 

14
Fan Fiction / Jughead in Leftovers
« on: November 25, 2016, 03:48:29 PM »
 Panel one: At the Jones Family table it is after the Thanksgiving meal with the entire table picked clean. A pork shoulder bone is on one plate, a turkey carcass on another, several empty pie and cake trays, and Jughead is gulping down the last bit of soda in a two liter bottle as Mr. Jones, Jellybean, and Mrs. Jones look on. Peeking over the edge of the table is Hot Dog.
 
Jughead: Gulp Gulp
 
Mr. Jones: Dear, I think you out did yourself, Thanksgiving dinner came and went much faster this year.
 
Mrs. Jones: No, he’s just a growing boy.
 
Mr. Jones: I think we’ll both need second jobs.
 
Panel two: Jughead walks away from the table along with Mr. Jones, carrying Jellybean away. Hot Dog has a drumstick he is happily carrying in his mouth. Mrs. Jones looks on in horror at the dishes she has to do all by herself.
 
Jughead: Well off to slip into my festive food coma.
 
Mr. Jones: Football for me.
 
Hot Dog: Digging holes and burying bones, it’s the simple life for me!
 
Mrs. Jones: !!!
 
Panel three: Mrs. Jones angrily begins to gather plates as she comments to herself. Jughead is in the door frame as what his mother says piques his interest.
 
Mrs. Jones: Well, at least I don’t have to worry about storing leftovers like other families!!
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: A close-up on Jughead’s face as he taps his chin with his index finger.
 
Jughead: “Leftovers…I’ve heard of this word before but remember not its meaning.
 
Panel two: Jughead motions his hand at his mouth as he finally remembers what leftovers are.
 
Jughead: Now I remember! Leftovers is when you have more food than you can eat and you save it for later.
 
Panel three: Jughead scratches the back of his head as he begins to open the door to his room.
 
Jughead: Never put that concept in practice myself, but I bet most people do.
 
Panel four: Jughead is sitting on his bed as he slaps his fist on his open palm as he smiles.
 
Jughead: I know people! Lots of people!
 
Jughead: Hu-rah! An untapped market for me to sink my teeth into.
 
Panel five: Jughead begins to get drowsy as he yawns and stretches his arms.
 
Jughead: Yyyaaawwwn.
 
Jughead: And I’ll get right on to it…
 
Panel six: Jughead falls back asleep on his bed as he begins to snore.
 
Jughead: …tomorrow when I waaaakkkezzzzzzzzzzzz
 
Page 2
 
Panel one: Inside of Archie’s kitchen as he is pulling out what is left over of his pecan pie.
 
Caption: Tomorrow.
 
Archie: What’s left of my favorite desert in my hand…
 
Panel two: Archie looks over as he sees through the kitchen window Jughead’s face as he has his tongue sticking out and is acting like an indoor dog that wants back inside the home.
 
Archie: …And my best friend’s at the door.
 
Archie: I know where this is going, and I’m sure I’m not going to be the one who needs to floss in the next few minutes.
 
Panel three: Archie opens the door as Jughead (wearing a navy blue sweatshirt) begins to sniff the air as he grabs the pecan pie as Archie gives an aside glance to the readers in an “I told you so” type manner.
 
Jughead: Hiya pal ol’ buddy thought I’d pay a visit and….
 
Jughead: Say, do I smell the aroma of pecans and other provisions in cold storage?
 
Archie: You may.
 
Panel four: Jughead runs past Archie and makes a dive for the kitchen while taking the pecan pie with him.
 
Jughead: I will!
 
Archie No! Wait! I meant—
 
Jughead: Help myself? Don’t mind if I do!
 
Panel five: Archie looks on in bane as Jughead has the entire pie plate at his mouth as he begins to gobble pie down as Archie looks on in disbelief. With a free hand, Jughead begins to open up the near by refridgerator.
 
Jughead: smak snarf yum chew
 
Archie: You give Black Friday a whole new meaning, Jug.
 
Panel six: Archie looks at Jughead as Jughead looks at his navy blue sweatshirt as Archie face palms.
 
Jughead: No, this is navy blue. A common mistake.
 
Page 3
 
Panel one: Jughead, picking his teeth with a toothpick is walking out of the Archie home, as an angry Archie looks on.
 
Jughead: Well, later, Arch. It’s such a beautiful day, I think I’ll (burp) visit a few of my other friends.
 
Panel two: Archie slams the door as he is upset Jughead ate all the pecan pie.
 
Archie: Around this time, most people are getting ready for Christmas—
 
SFX: SLAM
 
Archie: --But he’s still got his Halloween mindset cemented in!
 
Panel three: Archie’s eyes light up as he has a thought.
 
Archie: Wait…
 
Archie: Jughead is on a food binge and no one’s refrigerator is safe! I have to warn the community or we could have a food shortage.
 
Panel four: Archie pulls out his cellphone as he begins to text Archie. On the cellphone is A.Andrews: Bets, j2lyk, Jug is on food binge. Watch fingers.
 
Archie: I’d better text Betty and warn her first.
 
Panel five: A close up on Archie’s phone as he is surprised to see a sad smiley face designed like Betty as Betty’s reply.
 
Panel six: Inside of the Cooper kitchen as Betty sadly looks on as Jughead is in the kitchen holding a drumstick and drinking a soda as he continues to rummage.
 
Jughead: Wow! Look at all these vitals.
 
Betty: That was going to last us for days.
 
Jughead: And be in the way of new food. When does your family shop for groceries again?
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: Reggie is reading a text on his phone as he has a smirk ear to ear.
 
Reggie: So snout nose is making a pig out of himself, huh? That works out just fine.
 
Panel two: Reggie is crumbling up leftover turkey meat into a taco and is pouring Uncle Blaster’s Volcano sauce. The sauce is so hot, it’s cooking the turkey meat and the taco.
 
Reggie: Far be it for me not to put a stupid animal out of my misery!
 
Panel three: Reggie is running out with the turkey taco as he chuckles to himself.
 
Reggie: Nyuk Nyuk! I’ll burn his tongue so bad he’ll need a taste bud transplant!
 
Panel four: Reggie is running up to Jughead as Jughead is casually walking down the sidewalk, barely paying Reggie any mind.
 
Reggie: Jughead, I want you to try out this turkey taco my mom made!
 
Panel five: Jughead holds a hand up to show he’s passing as Reggie glares at him and shakes the turkey taco as if trying to use it to attract Jughead back.
 
Jughead: Pass.
 
Reggie: Hey! What’s your problem!? My mom is an excellent cook, you gangly gastronome!
 
Panel six: Jughead quips at Reggie as Reggie turns red with rage as he grits his teeth.
 
Jughead: Nothing against your mom…but she doesn’t have the best track record.
 
Jughead: She did make you after all.
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: Reggie runs in front of Jughead.
 
Reggie: Don’t you talk that way about my mother!
 
Jughead: You’re right. Your dad deserves his fair share of the blame.
 
Panel two: Reggie takes a bite out of  the turkey taco.
 
Reggie: Y’know what?! You don’t deserve anything but to watch me eat this delicacy!
 
SFX: CRUNCH
 
Panel three: Reggie’ face lights up bright red and flames are in his eyes to show how hot the turkey taco was.
 
Panel four: Reggie runs off as his entire body is lit on fire as he lets the turkey taco fly into the air with Jughead reaching to grab it.
 
Reggie: AAAAAAAAHHHHH
 
Panel five: Jughead is taking a bite out of the turkey taco to no effect as he enjoys it. In the background, Reggie is on all fours as he I drinking from Runty’s water bowl as Runty looks on annoyed.
 
Jughead: It’s okay, but could use a little cayenne to pep it up a bit.
 
Page 6
 
Panel one: Veronica is looking out a window in her mansion as she is on her cellphone. She sneers as she sees Jughead, slumped over, heading towards her door.
 
Veronica: Well well, looks like The Turkey that digested Thanksgiving is plodding my way.
 
Veronica: …Archiekins, I have nothing but the best intentions for dear sweet Juggie.
 
Panel two: Jughead is preparing to knock on the door as he is thinking what to say.
 
Jughead thinking: “So, Ronnie, you’re looking lovely today, wanna celebrate the miracle?”
 
Jughead thinking: No, that’s more an Ethel conversation starter…
 
Panel three: Veronica opens the door as she feigns being happy to see Jughead.
 
Veronica: Am I glad to see you!!
 
Jughead: You’ve gone blind?
 
Panel four: Veronica is dragging Jughead inside as she leads the way.
 
Veronica: Only you can help me out of my predicament!
 
Jughead: You’re blind and doomed. How the mighty have fallen.
 
Panel five: Veronica opens the door to the Lodge banquet hall as it is filled with thanksgiving leftovers. Jughead looks on with his tongue sitting out and his eyes open.
 
Veronica: My family hasn’t the space for all the leftover food from the Thanksgiving banquet. I suppose we’ll have to throw it all in the trash unless…
 
Panel six: A small panel of Jughead rushing ahead as Veronica gives the reader an aside glance.
 
Jughead: Okay, I’ll help, but you owe me big for this.
 
Veronica thinking: Oh that’s why I’m doing this.
 
 
Page 7
 
Panel one: Jughead is beginning to eat a giant piece of cake as he reaches for a left over turkey wing as he happily eats.
 
Jughead: Gaston’s pastries, his Michelin star turkey stuffing, and the flock of the bird of yesterday! What more can a guy with an appetite for culinary ask for?!
 
Panel two; Jughead has his jeans unbelted as his stomach is pooched out as he leans back in his chair as he strains to eat the bite of food he is chewing. On the banquet table, 3/5th of the massive food remains.
 
Caption two hours later.
 
Jughead: Hn. My stomach and brain are telling me to stop. Don’t think they’ve ever agreed before.
 
Jughead: (burp). It’s unanimous.
 
Panel three: Jughead tries to get up as Veronica is holding a bowl of pudding with a spoon in it as Jughead tries to wave her off.
 
Veronica: But you haven’t even tried the vanilla pudding with a dash of lavender.
 
Jughead: I never thought I would say this, but this one, food is like women: I’ve had enough of both for the day.
 
Panel four: Veronica shoves a spoonful of food into Jughead’s mouth as Jughead’s eyes bulge out as he falls back in his chair. Smithers and another male servant are walking towards Jughead.
 
Veronica: Oh but I insist!
 
Jughead: Bluurrrrhhh
 
Panel five: Veronica looks on as Smithers pries Jughead’s mouth open as the other servant begins slide a tray of yams into his gullet.
 
Jughead: Ronnie! Please! I can’t eat anymore! I’m full!!
 
Veronica: You can never fill up a bottomless pit.
 
Veronica: Gentleman, make sure he licks the plates clean.
 
Page 8
 
Panel one: The Jones family is at the kitchen table as she has prepared chicken legs and corn on the cob.
 
Mr. Jones: Jughead, hasn’t come back for dinner? It’s not like him to miss his fifth meal of the day.
 
Mrs. Jones: Well, we can’t wait forever for him.
 
Panel two: The Jones Family looks on in surprise at what they see off-panel.
 
Jughead: Actually, I’m not too hungry right now.  I was thinking on waiting on the food and have it a little later.
 
Jughead: It’s called something….it's right on the tip of my tongue...

 
Panel three: The Jones family is surprised to see a ballooned up Jughead (looking three hundred pounds heavier) walking into the room as he puts his hand over his mouth. Jellybean pushes her food away form her, afraid she’ll look like Jughead if she eats. Mr. and Mrs. Jones jaws are dropped. Hot Dog is shaking his head at Jughead.
 
Jughead: Leftovers. That’s the word.
 
Hot Dog: I have a word for you.



Hot Dog: Liposuction.





THE END.

 
The End.
 

15
Fan Fiction / Betty & Veronica Black Friday Frenzy
« on: November 25, 2016, 03:03:37 PM »
 Black Friday Frenzy
 
Page 1
 
 
Panel one: The setting is Betty Cooper driving her car with Veronica in the passenger seat as she uses a car mirror to fix her hair and admire her lip stick.
 
Betty: I really appreciate you coming with me, Veronica. The best deals are on Black Friday, but—I have trouble getting anything. I could use the help.
 
Veronica: Think nothing of it, Betty. It’ll be fun watching you forage around for your discount DVDs, half off blouses and such and such.
 
Panel two:  Betty is talking with Veronica as Veronica arrogantly waves her off.
 
Betty: I don’t think you know how hard it is too shop on Black Friday, Ronnie.
 
Veronica: I go to the most extravagant of boutiques where the cream of the crop scratch and claw for the best of the best.
 
Veronica: This is just a fun little divesion.
 
Panel three: A shot of Betty Cooper as she has a sly smile as she points ahead. Veronica’s eyes widen and her eyes drop at what she sees.
 
Betty: This is you’re idea of a diversion.
 
Veronica: !!!
 
Page 2 +3
 
Panel one: A large panel showing Bal Mart as the Cooper car pulls into the parking lot as the entire parking lot is crammed with cars, with every space full. One angry man is shaking his fist at two kids who are taking their time on the cross walk. Two cars have pulled in and got in each others way for a parking spot. The main entrance to Bal-Mart is clogged with people who tried to go in all at once. A Bal-Mart employee is protesting alone as he has a sign reading: THE LONE MAN PROTEST!!! A small old lady with a 50 inch TV in her shopping cart and a fat guy with a Turkey Roaster are racing down a parking lane. A car driving along the parking lot is waving the white flat. A man is struggling to fit his TVs, DVDs, and various cooking appliances into his trunk. At another section of the parking lot, A husband angrily waits for his wife as she cannot get out of her side of the car because the car next to her has a group of people just chatting the day away. The wife gives her husband a “what can I do?” shrug. A security guard is chasing after a woman wearing an overcoat bursting with jewelry and necklaces. A car barely puts the brake on as a kid runs out in front of him; the kid’s mother is rushing over to grab him. The kid is playing with an action figure to notice what almost happened. Across the street is a C-Mart where a few cars have parked with the people crossing the street to get to Bal-Mart as a sad C-mart employee points to their building, but is ignored by everyone. Traffic if is blocked because of the lines of people just casually crossing the street to get to Bal-Mart.
 
Panel two: Veronica looks out her side of the window as two angry middle age men are ramming their shopping carts at each other as a Bal-Mart attendant rushes to stop them.
 
Veronica: It’s like Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons fighting over shiny stones!
 
Panel three: Betty looks over and grins at Veronica and gently nudges her with her elbow.
 
Betty: Still up to helping me forage?
 
Panel four: Veronica folds her arms and scowls as she gets her game face on as Betty is surprised.
 
Veronica: Park the car, give me your list, and stay close to me or you will not survive.
 
Page 4
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica walk inside as they are in between where the carts are stationed and the actual area of the store. In front of them several people are fighting over carts. One man is trying to separate his cart from three others as his wife rolls his eyes at him. Two high school teenage boys are having a tug of war over a cart as they both pull with all of their might.
 
Betty: Wow! This is even crazier than last year! People are fighting tooth and nail over the shopping carts!
 
Panel two: Veronica walks past Betty as Betty looks on confused. Veronica has a fake smile on her face and is flipping her hair back.
 
Veronica: Good. They’re not using the right weapons.
 
Betty: What are you…?
 
Veronica: Just watch.
 
Panel three: Veronica swerves her body and winks at the teens as they have hearts over their eyes.
 
Veronica: My, what wondrously gallant men! If only one of you could help me and my blond friend retrieve a cart.
 
Panel four: Veronica is wheeling the shopping cart inside as she has a triumphant smile on her face as a morally opposed Betty follows beside her. In the background the two love stuck teens both have lipstick kisses on a face cheek as they look on. As Betty and Veronica go in a Bal-Mart greeter is checking a foot long list receipt as a man with two filled to the brink shopping carts texts on his phone. The Bal-Mart mascot (A red ball with black arms and legs with white gloves and white sneakers) is being chased by a junior high basketball team. The Bal-Mart mascot has a paper with 20% off taped to his back causing his trouble.
 
Betty: Ronnie, that was a little sneaky, wasn’t it?
 
Veronica: Yes. Just a little sneaky compared to what else I’ll have to do.
 
Page 5
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica looks ahead as in front of her are various shoppers with carts as they are zooming every which way with several colliding with each other. A man barely avoids being run down by a gang of old people on motorized carts. A small boy is carrying a super hero action figure three times his size.
 
Betty: Maybe we can go around?
 
Veronica: No. We’re going through.
 
Betty: How? Look at all this traffic!
 
Panel two: Veronica lowers her head and grips the cart handle like she were a race car driver as she looks ahead with a fierce, determined, devil may care grin.
 
Veronica: Like General Sherman told the people of Atlanta, “Leap, follow, or get out of my way!”
 
Betty: What does that mean--?
 
Panel three: Veronica dashes ahead as she cuts off a fat man in his motorized cart who is eating a bag of Doritos and drinking mountain dew as he spills his drink on himself. A small child barely dodges Veronica, and as Veronica goes she uses one hand to stiff arm a body builder. Betty looks on in shock at Veronica’s actions.
 
Veronica: THIS!
 
Panel four: Betty runs along as she looks back at the fat man who is licking his shirt as he scowls towards Betty, the kid who sticks out his tongue, and the body builder who is crying that he got over powered by a teenage girl as a nearby sumo wrestler laughs at him.
 
Betty: Sorry!
 
Betty: Sorry!
 
Betty: Really sorry!
 
Panel five: Betty has caught up with Veronica as Veronica continues to dash ahead with ruthless aggression. Behind the two a ten cart pile up has happened with various men and women covered in clothing, jewelry, dvds, shoes, and their shopping carts. Betty looks back and continues to apologize.
 
Betty: We’re really sorry!! I swear, she’s a pleasant person!! Don’t think ill of her!!
 
Page 6
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica are in the women’s clothing section as Betty begins to scold Veronica as Veronica just ignores her. Behind them, a seven foot tall woman is holding up a blouse in the air so a four foot tall woman cannot get it.
 
Betty: I can’t believe you did that!
 
Veronica: I am but what circumstances make of me.
 
Panel two: Betty continues to talks with Veronica as Veronica smirks.
 
Betty: “Circumstances make of me”! You almost ran over some nice old lady!
 
Veronica: Circumstantially, she should not have been in my way—
 
Panel three: Veronica turns to talk frankly with Betty.
 
Veronica: --And that was not a nice old lady! There is no “nice” person in this building! Everyone is cutthroat and out for themselves!
 
Panel four: Betty boldly replies as Veronica rolls her eyes.
 
Betty: I’m a nice person!
 
Veronica: And that’s the problem…
 
Panel five: Veronica turns and points at the four foot woman who is standing over the unconscious seven foot woman while admiring her recently won blouse. Betty is still adamant in morals and ethics and she rolls her eyes as Veronica goes on her charade.   Blasting past Betty are two shoppers grind their carts wheels together, creating sparks as they dash by.
 
Veronica: You’re not going to get anything you want on Black Friday if you try to be noble and kind!
 
Veronica: You fight fire with napalm! They push and shove, you punch and kick! They start a fight, you give them a war!
 
 
Page 7
 
Panel one: Betty and Veronica continue on their way as Veronica rolls her eyes in frustration.
 
Betty: Look, most of what I’m buying is Christmas presents! I just don’t want them tarnished.
 
Veronica: Just wrap them nicely enough and no one will care…
 
Panel two: Betty and Veronica are in the female jeans, shirt, and dress section as various females of all ages are climbing over each other, fighting, and tugging at piece of clothing they want for themselves. Along the aisles are signs reading: 75% off, 90%, and finally PLEASE NO FATALITIES THIS YEAR!!! A Bal-Mart worker backs away as he wants no part in this. Betty shrugs her shoulders as she points at her wrist at an imaginary watch while Veronica waves her off.
 
Betty: Huh. I guess we have to wait.
 
Veronica: Waiting is for the poor and destitute! I’m a Lodge! Lodges do not wait; Lodges lead the way!
 
Panel three: Veronica pulls her cart and Betty to the side as she begins to yell at the top of her lungs.
 
Veronica: JUST IN! SHOES 50% OFF, SECOND PAIR 25 DOLLAR DISCOUNT!!
 
Panel four: Veronica proudly looks on as all the female shoppers dash the other way with their carts as they head for the shoes. The Bal-Mart worker is caught in the middle like a cowboy in a stampede as he gets battered by shopping carts and shopping bags. A worried Betty looks on in concern as Veronica waves him off.
 
Veronica: Now we’ll have pick of the bunch and no one got hurt.
 
Betty: What about him?
 
Veronica: He works here. He doesn’t count as a person.
 
Page 8
 
Panel one: Veronica and Betty are continuing their shopping as the shopping cart has a few pair of shoes, blouses, shirts, and jeans as Veronica boastfully points out her success while Betty folds her arms and looks on with discontent.
 
Veronica: You only have a few things left and we’ll be successfully—thanks to me.
 
Betty: Whatever.
 
Panel two: Veronica looks over and glares at Betty as Betty turns her head away.
 
Veronica: Are you still riding your high horse?
 
Betty: Are you still acting like a donkey?
 
Panel three: Veronica moves aside and motions for Betty to walk ahead.
 
Veronica: That does it! If you think sunshine and rainbows will get you what you want in this den of greed, go for it!
 
Betty: I will!
 
Panel four: Betty begins to walk up behind a crowd as they are all gathered at a purse display where everything is 80 percent off. The ladies in the crowd are all bunched up and pushing and elbowing each other. One thirty year old woman crawls out from under the crowd as she is bruised, battered, missing a front tooth, and has a badly tore purse as her prize.
 
Betty: Wow! That would be perfect for Polly!
 
Page 9
 
Panel one: Betty tries to squeeze through as the ladies refuse to budge one inch for her.
 
Betty: Excuse me…
 
Betty: Pardon me…
 
Panel two: Betty gets her foot stomped on by a middle age woman.
 
Middle age woman: Back off, princess!
 
Betty: Ow!
 
Panel three: Another woman grabs Betty by her pony tail and pulls her back.
 
Another lady: Go find a dollie! This is for adults!
 
Betty: Hey--!
 
Panel four: Betty is pushed back out of the crowd as she looks dejectedly at her ruined hair scrunchie as her hair is now covering her eyes.
 
MOVE
 
MINE
 
NO MINE
 
TAKE THAT
 
Panel five: Betty balls up her fist that was holding the hair scrunchie while using her other hand to brush the hair out of her eyes to show her with eyes filled with rage and anger.
 
Page 10
 
Panel one: Veronica is off to the side as she is watching two women fight over a coat.
 
Veronica: Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer before Betty comes crawling back to me, begging for my help.
 
Panel two: Veronica turns her head as she hears a voice screaming.
 
Betty off-panel: WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!!?
 
Veronica: Betty--?!
 
Panel three: Veronica dashes over with her shopping cart as she sees Betty going on a rampage as she is twirling around a purse and chasing off all the other female shoppers as they act like Jason Vorhees is after them. The two women who stomped on Betty’s foot and pulled her ponytail are holding their heads as pain stars are over them as they dash away in fear.
 
Betty: This purse is 60 % percent off, but it will cost you 100 % of your life, if you try to take it from me!!
 
Panel four: Veronica begins to walk towards Betty as Betty snarls and scowls at her. Veronica has her palms forward to show she is no threat.
 
Veronica: Betty, it’s me, Veronica. I need you to calm down, stop foaming at the mouth, and let’s just put the purse down…
 
Panel five: Betty gets right in Veronica’s face and screams at her!
 
Betty: Put it down!! I’m keeping it!! I fought for it!!
 
Veronica: oookay….
 
Page 11
 
Panel one: Veronica tries to calm Betty down as Betty clutches the purse close to her body like a mama bear would a cub to protect it.
 
Veronica: Betty, you’ve just had a bit of shopping rage. This isn’t you, this isn’t how you go about things.
 
Panel two: Betty points the purse at Veronica as Veronica’s eyes widen as she realizes she helped push Betty to this point!
 
Betty: No! This is how I should be! What you did works absolutely!
 
Betty:  Napalm! Punch and kick! War!
 
Veronica: Perhaps, I did do a few questionable acts and said those words but…but--
 
Panel three: Veronica has a thought balloon of all that she has done, ramming carts, tricking the two teen boys, and watching the Bal-Mart employee get run over by shoppers, (all drawn more cartoonie) as Veronica’s eyes widen as she realizes that she holds some responsibility for Betty going on a rampage.
 
Panel four: Veronica takes the scrunchie from Betty’s hand as Betty begins to calm down.
 
Veronica: I was wrong, Betty. Sure everyone around is acting like animals, but we shouldn’t stoop to their level. We’re better than that.
 
Veronica: I’d wager my inheritance that nearly everyone else here is buying something for themselves. But not you. You’re thinking of others. Don’t stop doing that.
 
Panel five: Betty calms down and smiles weakly at Veronica as Veronica is fixing her ponytail.
 
Veronica: We’ll just hang back and let the horde work themselves out the rest of the way. We have each other for company so it shouldn’t be too bad.
 
Betty: …Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
 
Panel six: Betty is pushing the cart as Veronica walks beside her as several of the other customers at Bal-Mart look on with admiration.
 
Customer one: …It’s shameful how we’ve all be acting.
 
Customer two: You’re right. Why should this day be any different? Just a few discounts here and there.
 
Customer three: I’m going to tell everyone about those girls!
 
Page 12
 
Panel one: The Bal-Mart manager is standing with the Bal-Mart greeter as they look at the lines going inside and out. People going inside are acting wild and crazy as they race and push and pull to get in while the customers leaving are calm and orderly.
 
Bal-Mart manager: I’ve never seen anything like it. They come in wild and uncontrollable…
 
Bal-Mart Manager: …And then the shop all calm and collected like it was another day. Never seen a Black Friday like it.
 
Panel two: The Bal-Mart Greeter waves goodbye to Betty and Veronica as she continues to talk with the Bal-Mart Manager. The cart has maybe around six or seven plastic bags filled. Veronica has her cell phone out and is preparing to take a selfie with Betty before they leave as the Bal-Mart mascot runs up behind them.
 
Bal-Mart greeter: What do you attribute it to?
 
Panel three: Veronica holds out her arm and begins to take a selfie with Betty as the Bal-Mart mascot gets in on the act and puts his arms around the two’s shoulders. In the background, the Bal-Mart manager shrugs his shoulders as he really has no idea who is responsible.
 
Bal-Mart Manager: This change in attitude had to start somewhere. I might never know who is responsible—
 
Bal-Mart Manager: --But I like to believe that whomever it was, they had a fun shopping experience—and hopefully they’ll be back next year!!
 
THE END.
 

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