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  • Tuxedo Mark: My review of "The Case of the Walk-Away Shoes" from Betty and Veronica Double Digest #279: [link]
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Topics - Alexandra Cabot

1
Well, there's been a lot of discussion about Riverdale and whether or not it is a cancer on television and the Archie Comics brand.  So let's settle this democratically through a poll!
2
Found an update regarding the Sonic comics fiasco:

http://www.tssznews.com/2017/03/28/archie-sonic-update-sega-archie-are-talking-comics-getting-resolicited-cancelled-listings/

So apparently all Sonic comics were mysteriously canceled, direct sales retailers are actually refusing to sell Sonic comic stock because they fear legal issues, and according to an Archie rep "Sega and Archie are talking."  WT flying F does that mean, fellow archiefans?  Does talking to each other mean like agreeing to be friends when your gf/bf dumps you?  Seems some people don't want to tell the fans the truth of what's going on. 

Hey, here's another possibility.  Instead of blowing smoke up your readers' asses, you could consider being more forthright with them instead of making the status of most Archie titles an episode of Unsolved Mysteries starring the ghost of Robert Stack.  You do realize retaining loyal customers for an extended period of time means making them trust you, correct?

Food for thought, archiefans!
3
Hey, it's your queen again.  Thought I would share an interesting article I read:

http://archive.is/hxoHn

Here's a quote from Marvel's top brass:

Quote
Suggesting the answer to the question of why people's tastes suddenly changed was better answered by Direct Market retailers, Gabriel told ICv2 that "What we heard was that people didn't want any more diversity. They didn't want female characters out there. That's what we heard, whether we believe that or not.  I don't know that that's really true, but that's what we saw in sales."

Gabriel described what was no longer viable as "things that we had been doing successfully for the past three years..."

"We saw the sales of any character that was diverse, any character that was new, our female characters, anything that was not a core Marvel character, people were turning their nose up against," he explained. " That was difficult for us because we had a lot of fresh, new, exciting ideas that we were trying to get out and nothing new really worked."


He seems kind of mad and is looking for a scapegoat, so he goes back to the tried and true defense of left leaning individuals when they fail of,  "It was those pesky bigots fault!"  So no I don't think comic book fans hate female characters, it's more like they didn't want to read a story about Thor being changed to into a Jewish feminist or Ironman becoming a 15 year old African American girl from the projects who is better at creating robot armor than Tony Stark is (created by Brian "I Wish I Was Black" Michael Bendis).

So what should Archie Comics learn from this development I ask, fellow archiefans?

Well, maybe they shouldn't let their IP be degraded by letting a goofy TV show change the race of characters like Josie and Melody from Josie and the Pussycats to meet a diversity quota when said group already had diversity (technically more than in Riverdale actually)?  Or how about making Veronica latina and then hiring the most white passing latina you could find anyways?  Maybe stuff like that is actually retarded like anyone with a brain would surmise?

Hey, and maybe comic book fans don't read comics to have middle aged liberals bark at them about political correctness like they are listening to NPR?  Like let's see combinging a gay military character with a pro-gun-control storyline, because you know LGBT in the military hate guns so much (I hear they shoot the enemy with rainbows!).  That totally makes sense for a gay military hero character like Kevin to push the heterosexual liberal non-solider writer's views about guns into his storylines!   Maybe not all LGBT are a mind hive or something?

Third point was a mistake both Marvel and Archie Comics made.  Hiring Erica Henderson to draw for you because Tumblr SJWs recommended her highly, despite the fact she's only capable of making doodles like this:



Food for thought, fellow archiefans!
4
Good news, everyone!  I can now bestow onto you the beginning of a new multi-part fanfiction masterpiece from me, your queen!  Please take plenty of time to marvel at this masterful tome of infinite entertainment and reading pleasure transmitted to you in a compact digital format!

Teaser: The rock star lifestyle takes it toll on Josie and the Pussycats and sets Josie, Valerie, Melody and Alexandra on the road to conflict. Can the band survive?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12404666/1/Battle-of-the-Bands

5
Feedback/Support / PHP for private messages is broken.
February 23, 2017, 06:41:34 pm
It can't handle imported text.  It shrinks it down to Veranda Font Size 1.  I'm pretty sure this has something to do with that portion of the code not being compliant with the newest version of PHP, which most web hosts were switched to sometime last year.
6
All About Archie / Sonic Comics Officially Canceled?
February 22, 2017, 08:10:52 am
Going to start a new thread.  The other one drifted off topic and some butt hurt fanboys want to bury what I was talking about, so I'll make a new one. 

There was a rumor that Sonic comics were canceled due to subscriptions being pulled back in January.  The new solicitations for May just came out, and no Sonic comics were listed at all: 

http://www.archiefans.com/news-and-new-releases/archie-comics-for-may-2017/msg9408/

They had multiple titles so this is a bit weird.  I want confirmation whether or not Sonic at Archie Comics is over.  I'm also curious as to why.  My guess would be Sega did not re-new the license and the comics aren't being axed by Archie due to poor sales.
7
One thing I thought could really level the company was Sega pulling its license for Sonic comics.  Whatever you think of them, they have a very solid fanbase of video game nerds and people who want furry/anthro comics.  So then this news/rumor mill bit ended up on multiple websites:

https://www.sonicstadium.org/2017/01/archie-sonic-comics-very-likely-cancelled/

Supposedly, there was an update from Archie saying the Sonic comics were only delayed until April.  However, as far as I can tell, those are only solicitations for a single wave of new issues.  The telling fact is you still can't subscribe to Sonic comics on Archie's website.  If there wasn't a licensing problem, why would they remove the option to subscribe?  Seems like a really good way to cut off future revenue streams.  The subscriptions have been described as "temporarily unavailable."  It's currently February, unlike when that article was first published.  Seems like a really long time to me.  You can also still subscribe to titles that had even longer delays, so that's not an explanation that makes sense.  As we know, Archie doesn't like to talk about titles that are on the chopping block at all.  Look at titles like New Crusaders who we were told would come back.

Honestly, as much as people here like the Riverdale gang comics, I don't know if Archie will be able to survive financially without those titles.
8
Okay, after years of hype, it looks like Riverdale is a ratings flop:

http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/daily-ratings/tv-ratings-thursday-jan-26-2017/

It's a big stinking failure.  It won't get renewed for Season 2.  There will be no new episodes ordered.  The show is a bastardization of Archie's characters.  The only time in the future it will be brought up is when one of those niche YouTube reviewers goes, "Wow, remember that Riverdale show?  That really sucked!  What were they thinking?!  Let's play one of those stupid scenes of Archie having sexual relations with Miss Grundy to laugh at it!  Boy, this was one of the worst things to come out of 2017 by far!"

Since Archie has spent so much of its capital and reputation on this so called television program, we must now ask, who is to blame?  Well, one person to blame is Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, who will surely go down as one of the biggest hacks in the history of writing.  If Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa has an idea, chances are it's something completely idiotic.  He turns Archie characters into his own masturbatory fantasies that have no relation to the characters from the comics.  If Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa had written Catcher in the Rye, it would have been the worst book ever written in the history of the human race.   I hear he is a playwright.  Perhaps his next play should be,  "I'm a Really Bad Writer."  It should of course star himself.

Has he even read any of the comics?  That's a very good question in and of itself, yet he has been awarded the title of Chief Creative Officer of Archie Comics.  Why was he given this position?  No one knows.  His ideas suck worse than the most powerful Dyson vacuum cleaner.

For that I say Mr. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa should resign from his position Chief Creative Officer of Archie Comics and be given the new title of Chief Dunce of Archie Comics.  Here's your dunce cap, Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, you've earned it:



Of course Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa isn't the only person to blame.  Who approved this god awful mess?  Who appointed Aguirre-Sacasa as Chief Creative Officer of Archie Comics?  Well, that was most likely someone named Jonathan Goldwater.  Not the John L. Goldwater that built the company into a successful publishing giant in the comics world, but the Jonathan Goldwater who recently inherited the company via bloodline succession much like the kingdoms of ancient Europe.  As any good student of history knows, that doesn't always produce the best results for the kingdom.

Much like a drunk driver, Mr. Goldwater has been running his company off of a cliff into a ditch with gimmick after gimmick.  While comic book media outlets may pretend like everything he does is worthy of news, sales I don't think have panned out.  And now Riverdale is a big stinking failure.  Recently, Mr. Goldwater has been firing Archie veterans to replace them with people like the person who "drew" Squirrel Girl, who I heard was later replaced for not knowing how to draw.  I don't know why Mr. Goldwater keeps making ridiculous decisions, but perhaps he has a problem with alcohol abuse.  It's just a theory.  It could be true or not.  But regardless he's been metaphorically drunk with his direction of this company for quite some time.  So I gift unto you Mr. Goldwater, this book on the 12 step program:



Please get off the sauce and right the ship, Mr. Goldwater.  Children ruining their parents' businesses is kind of a tired cliche, don't you think?

Also there is another CEO named Nancy Silberkleit that should perhaps also be discussed.  According to reports by the mainstream news media, she is obsessed with calling people male body parts as opposed to their first and last names:

https://thehairpin.com/penis-penis-penis-the-legend-of-nancy-silberkleit-9c3bd69030b3#.rvpl245et

Now I don't know why a female CEO would be so obsessed with certain male organs to the point of seeing them in the corporate office instead of fellow co-workers wearing business attire, but perhaps this is something to best be addressed by a licensed psychiatrist.  To you Nancy Silberkleit, Co-CEO of Archie Comics, I bestow unto you this chair to sit in as you discuss your problems in a clinical setting:



I hope you make a full recovery and return to the realm of the sane.  The best of wishes to you, Nancy Silberkleit.

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