Story I did long ago, but never posted. I think I didn't like how I wrote Mr. Lodge is why I never posted it. Also, I'm pretty sure I had just watched Beauty and the Beast.





(Inside the Lodge Manson, Archie and Veronica are watching a sixty foot HD TV attached to the wall. Mr. Lodge is coming into the living are looking displeased as Veronica has herself draped over Archie. Archie seem to be more interested in the TV as he has the remote held out in one hand.)

Veronica: So what do you think, Archiekins?

Archie: About this TV? When people say that their flat screen TV is like being in a movie theater, you're the only one who can mean it.

(Veronica turns Archie's head around to her as Archie blushes as he looks in her eyes.)

Veronica: Don't be silly. The movie theater is in the west wing.

Veronica: I was talking about my eyes.

Archie: Well, um...wow!

(Mr. Lodge gets closer as he glares at Archie with disgust.)

Veronica: Anything else you like?

Archie: Well, there's that cute nose...

Veronica: The best money can buy.

(Archie is leaning in closer as he and Veronica begin to kiss.)

Archie: And those ruby red lips.

Veronica: And do you know what they're saying.

(Mr. Lodge sticks his head over the couch. This startles Archie, who jumps away from Veronica and the remote control flies out of his head.)

Mr. Lodge: Get away from my daughter, you crimson, freckled plague!

Archie: AHHHH

Veronica: Daddy!

(The remote crashes into the screen leaving a hole in it.)

KRRRSSH

(All three look at the damaged screen.)

(The next shout is Archie looking guilty as Mr. Lodge look daggers in to him. Veronica lies over the couch with her head on the pillar as she looks depressed.)

Archie: Heh. I guess it is  can't miss TV

Lodge: You—you—!

Veronica: sigh.

(Mr. Lodge shouting.)

Mr. Lodge: SMITHERS!!!

(Smithers suddenly appears beside Mr. Lodge.)

Smithers: Yes, Master Lodge?

(Mr. Lodge points at Archie.)

Mr. Lodge: See him?

Smithers: Yes.

(Mr. Lodge points at the TV as his hand is shaking with rage.)

Mr. Lodge: See that?

Smithers: Yes.

Mr. Lodge: A small hole or an even bigger one, the repair cost will be the same.

(Smithers has hold of Archie and prepares to hurl him into the TV. Veronica races to stop Smithers as Mr. Lodge is thinking hard about what to do.)

Archie: I was already drawn in by the TV, I don't need to be thrown, sir!

Veronica: Daddy! You stop this right now!

Mr. Lodge: Well...

(Mr. Lodge points to the door as Smithers carries a helpless Archie out.)

Mr. Lodge: Smithers, Code A.

Archie: Code A?

Smithers: Yes, Master Andrews. It's new policy in the Lodge Estate.

(Archie is thrown outside the property as Lodge Estate Gate closes behind Archie)

Archie: OW!

(Archie is pulling himself up as he looks contemptuously.)

Archie: That feels like the old policy to me!

(Veronica is arguing with Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge straightens out his tie.)

Veronica: Daddy, how can you treat poor Archie like that?

Mr. Lodge: I saw him trying to kiss you.

(Veronica yells at her father who yells back.)

Veronica: I wanted him too!

Mr. Lodge: Well you shouldn't because you can do better!

(Veronica has her arms folded as she turns away from her father. Mr. Lodge adjusts his glasses.)

Mr. Lodge: Veronica, why don't you give some of the other boys you date more of your time?

Veronica: The only reason I give most of them the time of day is to make Archie jealous.

(Mr. Lodge points at Veronica who turns her head away and sticks her nose straight up.)

Mr. Lodge: Take it from me, Archie Andrews is a bad life investment!

Veronica: Hmph.

(Veronica begins to leave the room as her mother comes in.)

Veronica: Mummsiekins, tell father I will not speak to him again. EVER.

Mrs. Lodge: ?!

(Mrs. Lodge looks inside the room to see Mr. Lodge glaring at the broken TV as he motions towards it.)

Mrs. Lodge: Oh, Archie was just here.

Mr. Lodge: And just! Another minute or two and he could have leveled the entire wing!

(Mrs. Lodge walks over to who husband who is shaking his head.)

Mr. Lodge: I just don't understand why our sweet Veronica is so infatuated with that boy.

Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, accidents happen.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Mrs. Lodge as he is red around his cheeks.)

Mr. Lodge: It's not just that!!

Mr. Lodge: He's good for nothing! He's a poor student, he has no ambition, and he has not a single plan for the future.

Mrs. Lodge: I disagree.

(Mrs. Lodge begins to talk as Mr. Lodge reluctantly listens.)

Mrs. Lodge: He's still a young man with time still on his side. He's just your average, typical American boy.

Mr. Lodge: Well, my Veronica deserves the best. Not average.

(Mr. Lodge begins to think.)

Mr. Lodge: No not average. She deserves to be treated...like a princess.

Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, I haven't seen that look in your eye since your accusation of L&L Licensing that made you nearly five hundred million.

(Mr. Lodge reaches into his inside suit pocket for his cell phone.)

Mr. Lodge: While on my trip to the small country of Soalmania, I met the king and he was looking for the perfect bride for his son...

(Mrs. Lodge grabs his hand, placing her hand over the cellphone.)

Mrs. Lodge: But Hiram, I thought one of the reasons for Veronica attending public school was for her to learn humility. And now you want her to become a princess.

Mr. Lodge: It's only a small island and she knows all she can about humility just by being with that klutz.

(Mr. Lodge is heartfelt as he talks to his wife.)

Mr. Lodge: Honey, I just want Veronica to have the very best and someone to take care of her when I'm gone.

Mrs. Lodge: You make it seem like you only have months to live...

(Mrs. Lodge removes her hand.)

Mrs. Lodge: But I understand.

(Mrs. Lodge begins to leave the room as Mr. Lodge is on his cellphone.)

Mrs. Lodge: But I also know true love wins out in the end.

Mr. Lodge: Yes, this is Hiram Lodge and I want to make a long distance call to this private line—

(It is a few days later as Smithers is holding a door open for Archie in one the Lodges many main room as Veronica runs and hugs him)

Caption: A few days later.

Smithers: Master Andrews.

Veronica: Archiekins!

Archie: Ronnie!

(Ronnie is hugging Archie as Archie has a puzzled expression on his face.)

Archie: I'm just glad you called me to come over when your dad wasn't here.

Veronica: Archie, I didn't call you and daddy has just come back from his trip.

(Mr. Lodge walks into the room in good cheer as Archie and Veronica seem confused.)

Mr. Lodge: I am. In fact, I'm the one who told Smithers to invite you over.

(Archie has a nervous expression as Mr. Lodge slaps Archie across his back.)

Archie: I don't think I like the expression where this is heading, sir.

Mr. Lodge: Oh, but I will once you walk out these doors forever.

(Mr. Lodge extends his hand towards the door way as Prince Gaston is standing there. He is adjourned with a jewel laced crown, a red and purple robe with his family crest embedded on the upper right and wearing a fancy suit. He is incredibly handsome with an above average physique for his age.)

Mr. Lodge: I would like you to meet Prince Gaston, heir to Soalmania.

(Archie begins to talk as Mr. Lodge responds. Veronica has a blank expression on her face as she looks at Prince Gaston, who is sticking his nose up in the air as he looks at Smithers.)

Archie: We studied Soalmania in school. It's a small island that recently discovered it had the largest diamond mine in the world.

Mr. Lodge: I know. I invested in the equipment and mining and my company is solely responsible for all exports of diamonds.

(Archie looks intimidated as Mr. Lodge looks over him to Veronica who still has that blank expression.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, he's extremely wealthy, handsome, athletic, and available.

Mr. Lodge: Veronica, what do you think.

Veronica: I think...I think...

(Veronica grabs Archie's hand and begins to walk away from her father. Archie gives Mr. Lodge a "I don't understand it either" motion with his shoulders and hands as he is dragged by the heels of his shoes.)

Veronica: I think Archie and me better hurry and leave you to your business.

Mr. Lodge: ?!

(Mr. Lodge walks in front of Veronica. Smithers seems to be annoyed by Prince Gaston.)

Mr. Lodge: He isn't here for business, he's here for recreation, to see how we Americans live.

Prince Gaston: Dreadfully from the air port to here.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Veronica as a perplexed Archie looks on. Prince Gaston is yawning.)

Mr. Lodge: I promised his father that you would show him around.

Veronica: But daddy, I was thinking Archie and I could go to the beach and surf—

(Mr. Lodge whispers into Veronica's ear as Archie enviously looks at Veronica.)

Mr. Lodge whispering: You said you dated other boys to make Archie jealous, what do you think being accompanied by a prince will do?

(Veronica looks at Prince Gaston who winks at Veronica.)

(Veronica looks over at Archie who doesn't take kindly to it as his fists are clinched.)

Veronica: Hmmm...

(Veronica walks over to Prince Gaston. She extends one hand, palm down as she brushes her hair back with her other hand.)

Veronica: It would be an honor for Veronica Lodge to show you around quaint Riverdale.

(Gaston takes her hand and kisses it.)

Prince Gaston: From what little I've seen, only you maybe the only beauty in this wretched city. I would love to have you as close to my side as possible.

(Archie is red with rage as his fists are clenched and his shoulders slumped. Mr. Lodge walks over to him.)

Mr. Lodge: I know you're upset, my dear boy, but look at them—

(Mr. Lodge motions towards Veronica as she smiles and talks with Prince Gaston. Archie looks on desolately.)

Mr. Lodge: An heiress and a prince. They just seem to go perfectly together.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Archie who takes Mr. Lodge's words extremely hard.)

Mr. Lodge: And what do you have?

Archie: ...I'm a people's person.

(Gaston calls for Archie to follow them as he and Veronica walk out, arm in arm. Archie sneers at Gaston who pays him no mind.)

Prince Gaston: You, the red haired peasant. Hurry yourself. Ms. Lodge has just told me of this wonderful beach I wish to venture to.
Mr. Lodge: So you are, lad! So you are!

Archie: Grrrr

(The trio are at the beach. Prince Gaston is in purple and red trunks laced with diamonds, Veronica is in a one piece swim suit, and Archie is dragging the surf boards and beach towels while carrying a food basket by biting down on the handle.)

Prince Gaston: Too many commoners for my liking, but the beach itself is beautiful.

Veronica: What about me, Prince?

(We see Veronica and Gaston walking together over Archie's shoulders as he stares at them.)

Gaston: You are striking.

Archie thinking: I'd like to strike you.

(Gaston motions for Archie that he has found the perfect spot. Between Gaston and Archie is a small bucket.)

Gaston: Boy, this place is perfect.

(Archie trips over the bucket as he drops the board and the food basket hits Gaston, knocking several sandwiches on him.

Trip

Archie: Ooops!!

(Gaston is upset a she looks at the mess he is. Veronica goes over to help Archie up.)

Gaston: You clumsy clod! Look at what you've done!

Veronica: Archie, are you okay?

Archie: Yeah...

(Gaston goes over to the surfboards and points to one surfboard that is has several diamonds along it.)

Gaston: And you had best pray that you have not scratched my custom made surf board!

Archie: Gaston, I'm—

(Gaston yells at Archie.)

Gaston: Prince Gaston of Soalmania, to you! I don't even understand why you are here.

(Gaston looks over at Veronica as a Archie is beginning to feel worse than dirt.)

Gaston: Social economic status, looks, personality, you don't belong with the likes of us elite.

Veronica: Gaston, that's a horrible thing to—

(Archie stands up and reaches for the sand bucket he tripped over.)

Archie: Yeah. Guess you're right.

Veronica: Archie?

(Archie is walking away, defeated as Veronica points to Archie.)

Archie: I'll be waiting for you two, and I'll drop you both back off to the Lodge Estate.

Veronica: Gaston, how could you be so cruel!

(Gaston takes Veronica in his arms as he fakes sympathy.)

Gaston: Oh, you're right. I'll apologize after we have just a few brief moments to ourselves.

Veronica: I suppose. Archie isn't going to leave the beach...

(Gaston looks over to his left as he sees a trio of attractive teenage girls gesturing towards him.)

Gaston: Veronica, my lovely flower, you told me that you had taken up surfing.

(Veronica looks over at her surfboard and in the ocean we can see heavy waves.)

Veronica: My friend Betty had just started to teach me, but I'm still not that good and the waves are at high tide now...

(Gaston pushes Veronica towards the shore as he carries her surfboard.)

Gaston: Now, now, you shouldn't take on a skill if you cannot handle the burden.

Veronica: But—

(Veronica looks over to see Archie in eye distance as he is helping a small girl make a sandcastle.)

Veronica: I suppose...as long as the person I like is watching.

(Veronica uses her surfboard as she swims out to a tide. In the background we can see Gaston leaving with the trio of girls.)

Veronica: Archie admires Betty for her surfing, so I'll just top her.

(A deeply depressed Archie has the bucket laid down as he lifts it up to help build the castle.)

Little Girl: Mister, why are you so sad?

Archie: Well, my girlfriend just fell in love with a prince and I'm nothing but a frog.

(Archie accidentally knocks over what sand castle there was.)

Little Girl: Maybe you're a prince, too, and you haven't been told.

Whump

Archie: Sigh. Nope. I don't think that's it.

(The little girl is mad with Archie as several people rush past Archie as they run towards the shore.)

Man: Hey! Someone help her!

Woman: Where's the life guard?

Archie: Huh?

(Archie stands up to see Veronica in the ocean as she is being pulled down by the tide.)

Veronica  Help! Gllbb Help!

Archie: Ronnie!!!

(Archie pushes past the crowd.)

(Archie swims and battles the current as he makes his way towards Veronica.)

Archie: Ron, I'm almost there. Just try and keep your head up!

Veronica: O-okay...

(Archie has Veronica in one arm as he swims back to shore.)

(Archie and Veronica are surrounded by the beach goers who congratulate and show concern for Veronica. Veronica is spitting out water as Archie slumps over tired.)

Archie: Whew.

Woman: Are you okay, young lady?

Little girl: You're better than a prince, you're a hero.

(Archie looks over at Veronica who smiles weakly at him.)

Archie: Ron, are you okay?

Veronica: I'm fine. I wiped out and the undercurrent had me.

Little girl: You should thank him.

(Veronica kisses Archie as Archie blushes and goes dream eyed.)

Veronica: Of course I will!

(Veronica hugs Archie as crowd begins to disports.)

Veronica: Archie...I'm sorry about today. I just wanted to make you jealous.

Archie: Why make me jealous when we're the only two around?

(Veronica moves away as she looks unhappy as she tries to find Prince Gaston.)

Veronica: You're right. I'll only make you jealous when Betty is around.

Archie: That's not what I mean...

Veronica: Now where is that Frog Princess at? It was all his fault for pushing me—

(Veronica and Archie look as they see Prince Gaston posing for the teenage girls. Veronica is in the background and she is infuriated.)

Teenage girl one: Wow. Look at that physique

Teenage girl two: And that smile.

Gaston: How would you ladies like to accompany me and show me true American hospitality?

(Veronica is extremely upset as Archie touches her shoulder.)

Veronica: I was drowning and he did nothing but hit on those—those beach bimbos?!

Archie: Let's say we leave his royal highness and go to Pop Tate's?

(Veronica is walking towards Archie's surfboard.)

Veronica: In just a few seconds. But right now, I need to borrow your board and I promise to buy you a new one.

Archie: Buy me a new one?

(Veronica is holding the surfboard over her head as runs towards Gaston. Gaston does not notice, but the girls do and they scatter.)

Gaston: Where are you lovely ladies going?

Veronica: They're not being hospitable? Here, I'll show you American hospitality, you pompous moron.

(Veronica breaks the board over Gaston's head.)

CRACKKK

(Gaston is unconscious as Veronica and Archie walk away.)

Archie: He's not king yet, but boy did you crown him.

Veronica: Yes, and it was worth that nail I just broke.

(Archie is slightly worried as he talks to Veronica who seems to dismiss his concerns.)

Archie: What about your dad? I don't think he's going to like what you just did.

Veronica: Oh, Daddykins, I'm sure, will be calm and collected about the situation.

(Back to the Lodge Estate several hours later as Mr. Lodge is in his office frantically talking on the phone.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, my daughter told me what happened, and you should be able to understand—

(Mr. Lodge is yelling on the phone as Smithers is at the door way.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, I know that the views of Americans is not positive and your son having a concussion is not—

Smithers: Pardon, sir, but Mrs. Lodge is awaiting your company in the dining room for your after supper tea.

(Mr. Lodge looks at Smithers.)

Mr. Lodge: ...

(Mr. Lodge yells into the phone.)

Mr. Lodge: King Philip, I'm sorry, but more important matters have come up. I'll speak with you later.

(Mr. Lodge slams the phone down.)

SLAM

(Mrs. Lodge and Mr. Lodge are in the Lodge Estate massive dining room as they talk and enjoy each others company. Smithers is standing just behind Mr. Lodge.)

Mrs. Lodge: It would seem that you overlooked Archie's intrinsic qualities.

Mr. Lodge: I suppose I did at that.

(Mrs. Lodge is sipping her tea as Mr. Lodge smiles and slightly chuckles.)

Mrs. Lodge: I can see why Veronica loves him, since those are the same qualities I fell in love with too in my one true.

Mr. Lodge: Ahem..

Mr. Lodge: Speaking of, where is Veronica—

CRASSHHH

Mr. Lodge: Oh. With Archie in the lounge.

(Smithers begins to walk away, but Mr. Lodge holds out a hand.)

Smithers: Sir, I'll—

Mr. Lodge: No, Smithers, I think I'll wait until tomorrow to be upset with Archie.

(Cut to the lounge as Archie and Veronica are happily talking on a expensive couch. In the background we can see a broken window, the extremely large TV has short circuited, a vase is broken, a lamp shade is catching fire and a leg to the couch has just snapped.)

Caption: He's earned that match in the very least. And how much damaged could he cause?

Discovered something funny. Okay, I'm using Office 2003 because...well, I'm both cheap and/or poor. And the spellcheck (I kid you not it says "spellcheck" is incorrect) is pretty horrible. And I've found the spellcheck on the message board much better. And it is...except that it counts "Shultz" as incorrect and instead changes it to "Schultz".  So once again, any mistake I might have every made in past reviews is someone else's fault. But enough explaining my mistakes away, we've got a review to get to!

Things are coming together as Kelly is losing her mind, Jess's family reacts to Stewart, an ex-love returns, new love is blooming, and a case of mistaken identity are in this issue of Super Suckers  "Mirror, Mirror".




The Good:

Kelly. She's one of the funniest things in this issue because she is still looking like a drunk rodeo clown...and now she hasn't been sleeping so she's even more out there then normal. She goes around the campus dressed in her night clothes and even tries to turn into a bat. I got a lot of laughs from her this issue. Especially her attempted vampire transformation reaction. 
 
Jess. It's nice to get to know her family and some of her backstory. While sarcastic and a bit stand offish she does love her parents and doesn't want to disappoint them. She had a boyfriend who she still hasn't gotten over. And its fun putting the only sane character of the main cast into scenarios she has to deal with: parents think Stewart is her boyfriend to thinking he's her drug supplier. She's my favorite character in the series, so the more chaos the better. Plus she did the aside glance to the readers I love when Shultz did it for Betty and Veronica so bonus points.
 
The writing. Again it's a great job by Darin Henry. The humor is on point. And I like the pacing of the story. You have all the characters separated and now they're slowly coming back together. Like a Shakespeare play. Except with more vampires and a smell guy.  The best has to be Jess's parents as they react more and more negatively to Stewart. And Stewart is the wonderful amount of big ego that when the universe picks on him, you can chuckle without worrying about his feelings. And I've got to admit, Trevor and his reaction to "Jess' gift" was great. And again the sit-commercials were great. This issue really captures the sitcom vibe that the series is gunning for.
 

The art. Jeff Shultz is again doing a great job. It's kind of weird, but I think my favorite work of his is Vera because of how much manic energy he puts into her. Kelly is a fun mess to look at. So yeah, once again another great job. And Lonnie Milsap, Scott Ball and Josef Rubeinstein not only would make a great attorney firm, but do a great job with their work in the sit-commercials. The "Mating Season" was in issue one already, but I like it and I see repeat commercials a lot so I'll consider it being clever and allow it.
 
Color and Lettering. Once again Glen Whitmore knocks it out of the park and just can make anything work. And the lettering is fun in the sit-commercials and well placed in the main story. The best combination for both would have to be the last panel in Jess's dream sequence.





The bad:

The extra scene. I know it's an extra scene and it technically isn't part of the story, but it's in the issue and part of the purchase and I didn't like it at all. A pretty bad version of the "Who's on first" type name joke that didn't really work for me. There was some fun bits, like Stewart wondering who the two thugs were in the crowd, but the name joke went on to long and made me groan out loud. And just give Consuela an accent instead of just a caption telling me read her with a Spanish accent. I'm not super picky. Just have her say "Si" instead of "yes" and I'm content.

Adam. We really don't know much about him or why Jess likes him. All I know is he's a bland nice guy and wears a stupid hobbit hat. But with so much going on with Kelly being nuts, Stewart being a jerk, Jess and her family thinking she's in trouble, and the crazy guy who wants to kill Vera...not much time to devote to him. So it's understandable, but should still be noted. Again he's in the Trevor territory where I need to see where he goes. But he goes in the bad because of the stupid hobbit hat.


What I learned from what I read.

   
• Lack of sleep and no make up mirror make certain people go crazy.
• Betty Cooper graduated from Riverdale High and enrolled in Dixon College.
• That hobbit hat is stupid
• Bloodsicles don't taste good.
• When an angry vampire tells you to "Get your nerdy *%B@ back here right now!!" ...you probably might want to comply.
• Fly By Knight is much better than Western Airlines.
• I guess vampires can't turn into bats.
• Stewart needs to take a shower.
• Jess has really good parents who love her. Sniff sniff. It's nice to see a family care.
• What a schlemiel is...which I am most definitely am not despite what an ex-girlfriend might have said!

So yeah, it was another great issue. My one complaint is the extra scene. And I can see why that was left out and put to Hardrive Heaven only to have risen like Jon Snow. Unfortunately I didn't like it and since it's included I have to count it. But everything else is great. You should definitely pick this book up. It's a fun series with great writing, amazing art. I highly recommend it.

Grade A-

And until next time...actually, I had to pay five hundred bucks for a new water well tank so...um, until the next several months when I have the money to buy the next issue, see you then for Super Suckers 2.3!! SAME TIME, SAME BAT CHANNEL!

 Page 1

Panel one: Archie and Reggie are looking over at the Jones yard from the sidewalk as Jughead is actually working feverously as he is using a push lawnmower to mow the yard. Jughead is mowing over several small toy and the garden hose as he strains to push the lawnmower. Jughead is sweating, but he has a smile on his face, which takes Archie and Reggie by surprise. Both Archie and Reggie have presents prepared. Archie's is half done and taped up every which way, while Reggie's is perfect and has wrap paper of himself smiling.

Archie: Wow. The world just got more perplexing.

Reggie: You ain't kidding, Freckles. Jughead Jones hard at work...

Archie: ...With a smile from one enormous ear to the next?

Panel two: Jughead turns the mower off as he goes to Archie and Reggie. Reggie glares at Jughead suspiciously while Archie is far more greeting.

Jughead: Look at you layabouts, don't you have anything you two can do to keep yourselves busy and out of trouble?

Archie: Okay, Jug, we give up. What happened to change hardly work to hard at work?

Panel three: Archie has a thought balloon of Jughead doing several jobs. One has him outside a bank dressed like Uncle Sam and doing the Uncle Sam point at someone who jumps back and the other has Jughead as a grocer sleeping on a stack of cans, and the last has Jughead cleaning a store window with cloths in both hands and his teeth as he wipes all at once. Jughead wipes sweat from his brow as he acts indifferent to Reggie pointing his finger insistently at him.

Archie: ...I mean, the last few weeks you have taken every job available!

Reggie: Spill, hose nose! What's your angle?

Jughead: Obtuse.

Page 2

Panel one: Jughead reaches into his pockets for a wadded up newspaper clip he had ripped out as Archie and Reggie look on.

Archie: C'mon, Jug. No way would you be working your tail off for nothing.

Jughead: Does anyone? But yeah, something caught my little closed eyes...

Panel two: Jughead shows Archie the wadded up newspaper clip as it is a picture of a red and blue soda machine called SODA STORM 3058! Reggie waves off Jughead and begins to leave in disgust.

Archie: A soda maker?

Reggies: Feh. Should have known it would be something stupid--!

Panel three: Jughead turns around and wads the newspaper back into his pocket as Archie walks towards him. Jughead avoids the rake placed on the ground but Archie is coming towards it as he rolls his eyes as Jughead talks.

Jughead: Perish the parched, Archie! Not just a soda maker--The soda maker!

Jughead: The Soda Storm 3058 is capable of making any sodas, fizzies and tonics!

Caption by rake: Hasn't been put up for two years...!

Panel four: Jughead licks his lips as he thinks about the drinks he'll soon be making as Archie has stepped on the rake and is falling backwards with his the gift he was holding flying into the air.

Jughead: All the carbonated combinations of sodas I can concoct to wet my whistle will make the aches and blisters I've endured worth it--!

THWACK

Panel five: Jughead catches the gift in the air as Archie is flat on the ground with a rake impression on his face as his eyes are glazed over and he has several stars and planets zooming around his head.

Jughead: Say, what's this?

Archie: ...Fer  Mother's day, I'd go give it to 'er, but this merry alien guy wants to fly me to the moon...!

Page 3

Panel one: Jughead is going inside his house as Archie is making like an airplane in the Jones yard, circling his present for his mother, as he is still not quite in our reality just yet. Jughead seems puzzled as he tilts his head.

Jughead: Times flies while you sleep your life away... 
Panel two: Jughead peeps into the kitchen to see his father setting up decorations for a party for Mrs. Jones. Mr. Jones is putting up a banner reading MOTHER'S DAY as he is on step ladder tying the banner to a string .as Jellybean is in her high seat looking on and Hot Dog is sitting at the table reading a magazine. A cake with blue icing with writing reading 4 D Best Mom on it is in the middle of the table as the plates and eating utensils are set for a party.

Jughead: Pop, did you know that it was mother's day?

Mr. Jones: I just noticed it out the corner of my eyes, son.

Panel three: Jughead begins to walk over to the cake as he begins to salivate. Mr. Jones jerks around in alarm as Jellybean turns towards Jughead and Hot Dog's bristles begin to rise up as he shows his teeth as he slams the magazine on the table.

Jughead: Funny, you throwing a party and not telling me about it...

Panel four: Mr. Jones blocks the path with both arms as Hot Dog is in front of him looking like he might attack as he guards the cake. Jellybean has her fists balled as if she was going to fight Jughead off.

Mr. Jones: It's not funny when you go over your history involving food and parties!!

Jughead: You eat five birthday cakes in one year, and the trust is scattered to the wind like birthday candle smoke.

Panel five: Mr. Jones asks Jughead what he has for his mom as Jughead holds out his arms to signal a hug.

Mr. Jones: You do have your mother a present, don't you? She's only going to be gone for another few hours running errands.

Jughead: I was just now planning on giving her the biggest hug!

Page 4

Panel one: Mr. Jones shakes his head as Jughead scratches his head as he seems to give in.

Mr. Jones: Hugs stop being a gift when you can walk to the bus stop alone.

Jughead: Overachieved far too much far too soon.

Panel two: Jughead begins to leave the kitchen as reluctantly complies. Mr. Jones holds his hands to his face and sighs.

Jughead: Well, I guess I do have a few extra dollars to spare after I pick up my soda maker. Be back in a few.

Mr. Jones: Take your time! The appreciation for the woman who gave birth to you and loves you unconditionally is crowding out all the oxygen!

Panel three: Jughead is walking along in Riverdale as he is in front of Gem's Jewels as several pearl necklaces are out on display as Jughead slouches along. On the window is a sign reading: MOTHER DAY SALE (because some of us wish we had a mother to give presents to...)

Jughead: I have given mom the same library book for a gift the last two years, so maybe something permanent would be a nice change of pace.


Panel four: Jughead tilts his body back as he looks at the pearl necklaces. One pearl necklace in the middle with a price tag of 105 dollars catches Jughead's eyes. The other pearls are different weird colors. A red set has a price tag reading: ARM AND LEG. A blue set of pearls has a price tag of: More than your house.

Jughead: Now, those oyster stones are just the kind of sparkles that women love...

Panel five: Jughead takes out his paper clipping of the soda maker as has his left hand on his chin as he examines the situation.

Jughead: But those overpriced marbles would nearly drain me dry, and I'd go thirsty.

Panel six: Jughead shrugs his shoulders as he begins to take a step away.

Jughead: Eh. It's the thought that counts, and I did think about it.

Page 5

Panel one: Jughead stops in midstep as he looks back, lurching his back at an angle like someone is pulling at him.

Jughead: ...

Panel two: Jughead begins to weigh the pros and cons of what to do on each hand as his left hand is slightly lower than his right.

Jughead: Okay, okay, on one hand, I get what I want, and I'm happy!

Jughead: On the other, I get my mom what she would like and she's happy—but I might not be!

Panel three: Jughead is looking through the glass window of the jewelry store as he sees an image of himself with mountains of soda glasses as he has a looping, overlapping labyrinth of straws to each as he drinks and drinks to his stomach's content; to the point various mutli-colored bubbles are coming out of his nose and his stomach is blown up like a water balloon. Jughead nods approvingly.

Jughead: Mmm-hmmm...

Panel four: The image of the window has now changed to his mom wearing the pearls and smiling as the pearls glisten like the sun. Jughead cups his chin as he nods approvingly.

Jughead: Uh-huh.

Panel five: Jughead has the newspaper clipping on one hand and all of his wadded up money in the other as he looks down at it. In the background is the jewelry store window with the pearls angled towards Jughead.

Jughead: Well, when in doubt, go with my gut feeling--

Page 6

Panel one: Mrs. Jones is sitting at the head of the table as the birthday party has started with her opening several of her gifts. On the table is a hand drawing that Jellybean has done right next to a paw drawing that Hot Dog has done. Hot Dog seems jealous of Jellybean's drawing as he glares at her; Jellybean's reply is making faces at Hot Dog. Mr. Jones has given his wife the first season of Girls in the City DVD Set.

Mrs. Jones: This is just wonderful! Thank you all!

Mr. Jones: Well, we've got one more gift...if he ever shows.

Panel two: Jughead is entering the kitchen as he has a gift wrapped that looks the shape of a book as Mr. Jones frown in disappointment. Jughead's facial expression is blank as we don't know what he decided to do.

Mr. Jones: And here comes the prodding along son now...

Panel three: Mrs. Jones takes the gift from Jughead as Jughead smiles back.

Mrs. Jones: So...I haven't read How to Make Carrot Soup since last year. Thank you, Jughead...

Jughead: Actually, I was thinking of getting you the movie, but it hasn't come out on DVD--

Panel four: Mrs. Jones begins to unwrap her present as she sees it is a small red box instead of a book.

Jughead: -- So you're just going to have to settle for what I could pick up as I went on my way.

Mrs. Jones: ?

Panel five: A shot of Mrs. Jones and Mr. Jones looking into the box as it gives off a radiant white light as the gaze down into the box.

Mrs. Jones: Jughead...I don't believe...

Page 7

Panel one: Mrs. Jones holds up the pearl necklace for the entire family to see as Jughead looks on with a slight smile as he tries to act laid-back about his gift. Hot Dog looks at his hand and Jellybean's hand as he notices the lack of a thumb for himself.

Mrs. Jones: They're lovely!!

Jughead: As far as rocks go, sure.

Panel two: Mrs. Jones is giving Jughead a hug as he tries to hide a smile,

Mrs. Jones: Now, if you could clean your room, this would be the perfect day!

Jughead: Women...always wanting more....

Panel three: Jughead and Mr. Jones begin to talk as Mrs. Jones puts on the pearl necklace and shows them off to Jellybean who reaches up and wants to grab them with her small hands. Hot Dog looks on with a smile as he wags his tail as he's happy for Mrs. Jones.

Mr. Jones: I'm proud of you, son.

Jughead: There's nothing to be proud of. A son should get his mother the best gift he can.

Page 8

Panel one: Jughead looks on proudly as Mrs. Jones looks down at her pearls and smiles. Mr. Jones is talking with Jughead as Jughead is focused on his mom's happiness.

Mr. Jones: What about your soda maker? You worked hard and saved your money for that for weeks.

Jughead: This is mom's day. Besides, you can get it for me later.

Mr. Jones: I will...?!

Panel two: Jughead motions towards his happy mom as she begins to sit down and motions for The Jones Males to join the party. Mrs. Jones is preparing to cut the cake into several slices. Hot Dog is standing on his hind legs to rest his head on the kitchen table.

Jughead: When you get down to it there's a day for mother's and a day for father's...

Panel three: The Jones family is sitting at the table as they all begin to eat a slice of cake; save for Jughead who has half the cake on his small plate. Hot Dog is on his stomach as he is eating a dog bone. Jughead is diving into his cake as he has icing all around his face. Mrs. Jones is still gleaming about her pearls and Mr. Jones rolls his eyes comically at Jughead as he watches Jughead scarf down a slice of cake.

Jughead: But the rest of the days on the calendar belong to the kids!

Mr. Jones: Until your eighteen, Jughead. Never forget that.

Mrs. Jones: Sigh. He'll always be my sweet little boy....!

THE END.

 One of the stories I had to redo. The good news is I only like two more plus I've written a bunch of Archie & Me based stories. So...progress.







Page 1

Panel one: The setting is Miss Grundy's classroom as Archie is fast asleep on his desk as Miss Grundy walks down the aisle. Miss Grundy has her grade book with her as she looks down at Archie. Sitting behind Archie is Jughead who just sighs at Archie. To his left is Betty who looks on concerned to Archie's right is Reggie who has a smile ear to ear as Archie gets busted. Veronica is sitting behind Reggie and is focused on fixing her hair.

Miss Grundy: So, class remember...

Archie: ZZZZZZ

Miss Grundy: Just one moment.

Panel two: Miss Grundy lets her book land right on Archie's desk with a loud thud that wakes up Archie as he nearly jumps out of his chair in fright.

SFX: SLAM

Archie: YIPE!

Miss Grundy: Remember that you will have a quiz tomorrow on today's lecture.

Panel three: Miss Grundy walks back to her desk and the students head out into the hallway as the school bell rings. Archie is rubbing his right eye to wake himself up and hitting his chest with his left hand to restart his heart.

Archie: Maybe staying up to watch the ballgame was a mistake on my part.

Page 2

Panel one: Archie is walking into the hallway as he is yawning. In the hallway the Riverdale bulldog mascot is sniffing the floor to the bewilderment to several students.

Archie: Maybe I can borrow someone's notes.

Panel two: Archie begins to skip and hop towards Veronica in a love daze as Veronica is at her locker opening it while pushing her hair back. Several other male students are in a similar daze as they navigate round each other.

Archie: And who better than the loveliest girl in the world?

Panel three: Veronica hands Archie her pages of notes as Archie has a dopey smile on his face as Veronica playfully pokes at one of Archie's freckles.

Veronica: Of course, Archiekins. You can borrow my notes. After all, behind every great man is an even better woman.

Panel four: Archie is confused as he looks at the notes.

Panel five: Archie scratches his head as is confused as Veronica glares at him.

Archie: I can't read this chicken scratch.

Panel six: Archie dashes away as Veronica extends her hands like claws as she threatens Archie. Archie lets the notes fall out of his hands and scatter in the hallway.

Veronica: You unappreciative louse! I'll show you what a real scratch is!

Page 3

Panel one: Archie is walking up to Betty at her locker as Betty continues to put text books in her locker. Betty's locker has several pictures of Archie inside. Archie is trying to be coy as best he can. In the background Svenson opens a random locker the Bulldog mascot is pointing to find a cat living in the locker where it reading a newspaper on a fancy miniature chair while reading a newspaper.

Archie: Wow. First period. What a way to start the day, huh?

Betty: That's normally how it works.

Panel two: Archie begins to reach into Betty's locker as Betty rolls her eyes at him.

Archie: Betts, I was wondering if you could do you oldest friend, next door neighbor, and classmate a favor if you could maybe just—

Panel three: Betty slams her locker shut as Archie barely pulls his hand back in time before the locker door slams on his fingers.

Betty: NO!

SFX: CLANG

Panel four: Betty begins to lecture Archie as Archie wiggles his fingers to see if all are accounted for and working.

Betty: I'm not going to give my notes to someone who slept during class. It's not fair to the rest of the students!

Panel five: Betty begins to walk away with her backpack at her side in a huff as she looks back at Archie. Archie takes a deep gulp and uses his index finger to pull back his shirt collar.

Betty: Besides—I saw you ask Veronica for her help first over me!!!

Page 4

Panel one: Archie is walking towards Jughead as Jughead is getting a candy bar out of a vending machine. Lying on the ground is Jughead's backpack with the top unzipped enough to see various bags of chips and candy wrappers and wadded up paper.

Archie: Jughead, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol' friend...

Jughead: Betty and Veronica dropped you flat huh?

Panel two: Archie sighs as he shrugs his shoulders, Jughead sticks his hands into his his back pack as he tries to pull up his notes in the cluttered mess inside of his backpack.

Archie: (Sigh) Same Ol' same Ol'.

Jughead: And once again, I've got to pick you back up.

Panel three: Archie is all smiles as Jughead has trouble pulling out the notes as a giant wad of gum is stretched out and attached to the papers keeping it in the backpack. The wad of gum has various candy and cereal pieces stuck to it as well.

Archie: You're the best Jughead.

Jughead: Let's just say I'm in the middle of the pack. High accomplishments leads to increased expectations.

Jughead: Now—errkk—c'mon--!

Panel four: Archie walks away as Jughead's notes are covered in chocolate and bubble gum as Jughead begins to lick at it. Archie just waves goodbye as he walks away with his tongue hanging out in disgust.

Archie: Nevermind, Jug. I don't think those will help me.

Jughead: We all digest information in our own ways.

Page 5

Panel one: Archie is walking along as he looks defeated.

Caption: Later...

Archie: It's the end of the day and I've asked everyone with no luck. Now what do I do?

Panel two: Archie is startled as a hand holds out pages of notes.

Reggie off-panel: How about turning to your pal Reggie, Connect the Dots?

Panel three: Archie is elated as Reggie has a smile from ear to ear as he proudly waves the notes in front of Archie.

Archie: Really, Reggie? You'd let me borrow your notes?

Reggie: Sure. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't help a buddy in desperate need?

Panel four: Reggie pulls the notes back as Archie tries to grab them.

Reggie off-panel: About the same as a businessman who just gives away his services for nothing, that's who!

Panel five: Reggie shuffles through the pages as he smirks at Archie as Archie glares at him.

Archie: What do you want, Reg?

Reggie: Well, I know you have a study date with Veronica Friday night so I was thinking...

Reggie: A trade. My notes for your spot by Veronica's side.

Panel six: Archie sadly takes the notes as Reggie looks on with a confident smile.

Archie: Fine. Deal.

Reggie: Pleasure doing business with you, carrot top.

Archie thinking: Oh well. At least I'll get a high mark for Miss Grundy's class.


Page 6

Panel one: Miss Grundy is flopping Archie's exam on his desk as it has a giant D+ on it. Reggie looks over and shows off his A paper.

Archie: Ack!!

Reggie: Look on the bright side, Arch. Now Veronica is with a study buddy who can actually help her learn. And is handsome.

Panel two: Archie glares at Reggie as Reggie strolls towards a waiting Veronica.

Archie: This doesn't make sense! How'd you make an A and I didn't?!

Panel three: Reggie struts past Archie as he pops his shirt collar and boasts at his prank. Archie looks on wide eyed as he realizes what happened.

Reggie: Funny thing. When I take notes, I like to jumble the names and dates around. Guess I should have told you about that. But what can you do?

Panel four: Betty and Jughead look at Archie and chuckle as Archie is fuming with anger and his face red as he wads up the exam into a paper ball. In the background, Reggie walks into the hallway with Veronica as he looks back and sneers at Archie in triumph.

Archie: Go to bed early, stay awake in class, and never accept the aid of a certain sneak!

Jughead: See, Betty? Our boy can learn.

Betty: Indeed. But he should write it down, just in case.


The End.

 Jughead in the Enforcer.

(Jughead is at his seat at Pop's counter as he has three slices of pizza, two cheeseburgers, onion rings, and French fries on his plate with a giant soda to wash it down. Jughead is salivating as he eyes his meal and Pop Tate looks on angrily.)

Jughead: Wow! You've really outdone yourself, Pops! This meal is definitely worth the price...

Pop Tate: And here it comes.

(Jughead extends his index finger and points at Pop's. Pop shakes his head and has his eyes upward as he unpleasantly expected Jughead's response.)

Jughead: ...So put it on my tab.

(Pop Tate is talking to Jughead who begins eating a slice of pizza.)

Pop Tate: You should know that I've recently employed a part-time enforcer for people who don't pay their bills or have tabs longer than the Riverdale point guard.

(Ethel in shades and wearing a Pop Tate's T-shirt is sneaking up on Jughead as he begins to take a drink from his soda.)

Jughead: Hey, you can't squeeze blood from a stone.

(Jughead begins to make a doggie bag out of what's left of his meal as Ethel has her arms ready to pounce.)

Jughead: But hey, I'll walk my doggie bag in the park and finish up there if that's your attitude.

(Ethel wraps her arms around Jughead as Jughead is taken by surprise and drops his drink.)

Ethel: Gotcha, Juggie wuggie!

SFX: CLENCH

Jughead: AAHHH!

(Jughead twists and torts his body, but can't break free from Ethel's hug as Pop looks on approvingly.)

Jughead: Okay! Okay! I'll pay!

Ethel: Pop, can he pay in kisses and hugs?

(Pop Tate has his index finger at his chin as he feigns thinking as Jughead pleads with him as he desperately tries to get away from Ethel who is puckering her lips and planting a kiss on his face.)

Pop Tate: Hmm....

Pop Tate: I don't see why not.

Jughead: NOOOO!!!

THE END.

 
(Archie and Jughead are in the hall next to their lockers talking as Trula Twyst is walking toward them. In the background we can see Betty and Veronica looking at Archie and talking amongst themselves.)

Archie: Bad news, Jugs. You're worse enemy is coming right at us.

Jughead: No worries, I've finally found a way to counteract her glance, her mere shrug, and her mind games.

(Archie is amazed as Jughead smiles pridefully.)

Archie: You mean you finally figured a way to beat her?

Jughead: And it's so simple.

(Jughead closes his eyes and puts his fingers in his ears as Trula is almost to them. Archie face palms at this weak attempt of Jughead's.)

Archie: Brother...

(Trula stops and looks at Jughead who is closing his eyes so shut that he is straining form the pressure.)

(Trula leans over and whispers into Jughead's left ear as Jughead becomes annoyed.)

Trula: Juggers, if you really want that to work, with those massive round ears, you'd try using your entire hand.

Jughead: This will work just—

(Jughead has a look of realization on his face as he realizes his fingers are two small for his ears as he heard Trula accurately. Trula walks past Jughead and looks over at Archie.)

Jughead: ??!

(Trula is smiling at Archie and making her best attractive face towards him as he becomes entranced.)

Trula: But I'm not here to talk to you. That's in the past.

Trula: I want to talk with Archie-Pooh.

(Archie blushes. Behind him Betty and Veronica overhear and have shocked looks on their faces.)

Archie: "Archie-Pooh?"

(Trula puts a hand on each of Archie's shoulders as he begins to tremble and sweat as small hearts float over his head. Jughead looks on derisively with folded arms across his chest.)

Trula: After wasting my time on that...other guy, I realized I should have been focusing on you, Archie-Pooh.

Trula: Look at what I've been missing: those delectable freckles, magnificent orange hair, and such broad shoulders...

(Trula winks at Archie as Archie goes weak kneed and his jaw has dropped. Behind Archie, Betty and Veronica have opened a locker door and are peering from behind it as they unsuccessfully try to stay out of sight.)

Trula: You are quite the specimen, Archie Andrews. I can see why you attract others.

Archie: Re-ru—really?

Trula: Mmm-hhm.

(Trula uses her right hand to lift Archie's draw. Behind Trula, Jughead looks on displeased as he tips his crown towards his eyebrows. )

Trula: You wouldn't mind me sitting with you for lunch, would you?

Jughead: Careful, Archie. She eats people like you for breakfast.

(Archie leaps in the air happily as Trula casually begins to walk away. Jughead face palms in frustration.)

Archie: Good thing we're talking about lunch!

(Trula begins to jump up and down in the air as she seems extremely happy.)

Trula: Yes! Whoohoo! Oboy!

(Trula begins to do cartwheels as several students move to clear way for her.)

Trula: Archie Andrews and I will be sitting together! My life has been leading up to this!

(Trula looks over at Betty and Veronica who are glaring at her.)

(Trula stops her cartwheels to acknowledge them.)

(Trula slightly shrugs her shoulders and smiles as if to say what can they do.)

(Betty and Veronica are fuming as Trula skips away happily. Archie is walking away in the other direction like a love struck zombie the other direction as several students look at him perplexed. Jughead looks on in revulsion.)

Betty: Can you believe her?! After our Archie and rubbing our noses in it.

Veronica: Later, Betty. Right now, I say we deal with the person responsible.

(Jughead turns around as Betty and Veronica's shadows overlap Jughead.)

Jughead: Brrrrr

Jughead: Haven't felt this cold since the time I wore summer clothes in last year's blizzard while eating snow cones. 

(Veronica shoves Jughead into the lockers.)

Veronica: Enough wise cracks!

CLANG

(Jughead has one hand rubbing the back of his head and the other rubbing his stomach.)

Jughead: Easy. I think you dislodged my stomach because my craving went from pizza to hamburgers and that's a two hour skip ahead.

Betty: This is serious, Jughead!

(Veronica and Betty keep Jughead pinned against the lockers as he looks on in deep fright)

Veronica: Because of you, that femme fatale is trying to sink her venomous fangs around our sweet Archie's heart.

Betty: You need to fix this now before the toxins set in!

(Jughead uses his arms to gently push his way inbetween the two girls.)

Jughead: Hey, I know Archie is my best bud in the entire universe, but...

(Jughead turns around to face them. He has right arm raised and using two fingers to show someone running up stairs and his stretched out as far as it can left arm with two fingers to show someone on level ground.)

Jughead: It's like in the horror movies when two friends are chased by the monster and it follows the one friend up the stairs and the other guy is in the other room with the door wide open.

Jughead: I can't be expected to risk certain death given the circumstances and chance for escape.

(Betty and Veronica turn to each other in confirmation.)

(Betty has Jughead in a hammer lock across his back with his left arm and Veronica has Jughead's right arm over his head as Jughead is on his knees in tremendous pain.)

Jughead: OKAY! OKAY! I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING! I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING!

(Betty and Veronica walk away as Jughead painfully examines his aching arms as he acts like he is eating a burger only it is raised just above his mouth.)

Jughead: I'll never be able to eat a cheeseburger the same way ever again.

(Jughead is walking into a classroom as he is thinking.)

Jughead: Okay, Mr. Jones, what can you do to stop this ball from rolling?

Jughead: Can't interfere openly because the curly haired Medusa would turn me to stone with a glance.

Miss Grundy off-panel: Archie, please hand out the papers for today.

(Jughead closes eyes and winces as if he can feel Archie's pain.)

Archie: Sure thing, Miss Grundy, you can count on—WHOA!

THUD!

(Archie has fallen on the ground bent over in the shape of a V with a backpack around his legs and scattered papers flying through the air. Reggie and several other students look at Archie. Reggie is laughing.)

Reggie: Wow, Andrews, this was almost as bad as when you tried walking and chewing gum at the same time, you klutz!

(Jughead snaps his fingers as an idea comes to him.)

Jughead: Now that is the golden ticket to the chocolate factory.

(Veronica and Betty are running towards the lunch room as Nancy and Chuck look on. Betty is ahead with Veronica seemingly having trouble running in her boots.)

Betty: C'mon, Ronny, we have to hurry!

Veronica: You try running in these boots! They were made for fashion, not a race.

(Betty and Veronica go inside the cafeteria and stop in place.)

Betty: We both had to fake being sick to get ahead of Trula and wait for Archie, we can't just—

(Betty and Veronica look angrily as they see Trula and Archie sitting at a lunch table alone. They have the only two seats at their table. Midge and Moose are close by at another lunch table and two empty seats are right next to Moose. Archie is looking at Trula with lovestruck eyes as Trula uses a small spoon to take a bite of her desert.)

Veronica: How did she--?!

Betty: And she's at our table!

(Veronica tries to pick up the empty chair next to Moose, but can't as it seems cemented to the ground.)

Moose: D-uh?

Veronica: Well, two's company, three's a crowd, so grab that other seat and let's make it a riot!

(Veronica is still trying to lift her chair, but can't as her hair is becoming to come out of place and her cheeks turning red. Betty is bending down to look at the legs of her seat to see that they are glued to the floor.)

Veronica: Errrkk! What's wrong with this stupid thing? I'm used to someone sliding it out of place and back for me. What am I doing wrong here?!

Betty: It looks like they're super glued to the floor.

(Trula finishes her bite as she talks. She does not turn her head and has her eyes closed and is smiling from enjoying the desert.)

Trula: Gorilla glue actually, or so it seems to the casual eye.

(Betty and Veronica look angrily at Trula as Archie gallops way.)

Trula: Oh, Archie-Pooh, could you maybe get me a diet soda from the machine, if you could be so kind?

Archie: I can! I can! Kind and a soda! I can do both!

(Trula turns to look at Betty and Veronica. Betty is upset and Veronica looks like she could pounce on Trula.)

Betty: That's a dirty trick, Trula.

Veronica: And stop calling him that ridiculous name!

(Trula seems to be only half interested in what Betty and Veronica are saying.)

Veronica: It's Archiekins and it can only be Archiekins, got it?

Betty: Trula, I thought you were interested in Jughead. Why all the attention to Archie all of a sudden?

(Trula shrugs he shoulders.)

Trula: It's certainly not a case of picking the boy that daddy cares little for or picking the boy next door out of some uncontrollable obsession.

Veronica: Grrrrr

(Veronica is being held back by Betty as Trula turns back to her table and begins to eat her snack again like nothing is happening.)

Veronica: Why you amateur psychologist!! I'll show you real head shrinking when I flatten your head for you!

Betty: Ronnie!

Trula: Mmm. Miss Beazley must be recommended for her culinary skills.

Veronica: Liar!

(Jughead is shaking a bottle of a diet drink. Jughead is standing in front of the soda machine with his back turned to the wall.)

Jughead: I'd cash in all of MyPepRewards if I could get Trula to reenact my favorite scene in the Wizard of Oz.

(Jughead sees Archie approaching.)

Jughead: And we're off to see the wizard...

(Archie begins to talk to Archie as he reaches into his pockets.)

Archie: Jughead, I thought you were avoiding me ever since Trula—

Jughead: Me? Nah, where would you get that idea from?

Archie: Reality.

(Archie has his pockets out to show that they are empty. As Archie isn't looking, Jughead is shaking the soda bottle even more.)

Jughead: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.

Archie: Rats. I must have lent you all of my money yesterday at Pop's.

Jughead: Really? I wouldn't remember that.

(Jughead holds the soda bottle to Archie.)

Jughead: Here. I couldn't help overhearing you and Trula, and I wanted to pay you back for at least six meals. So here.

Archie: Thanks, Jughead. You're a real pal.

(Jughead follows behind with a sly smile on his face.)

Jughead: You just remember that when the going gets tough.

(Archie is handing the soft drink to Trula as Betty is trying to calm Veronica down just behind her. The soda is seemingly erupting )

Archie: Just as you wanted, Trula.

Trula: You're the sweetest, nicest, most generous--

(Trula begins to open the soda.)

Trula: Archie-Pooh, you're the sweetest, nicest, most generous--

(The soda explodes and fizzes all over Trula's head.)

FSSZZZZZZZZZ



Archie: !!!

(Archie reaches for a napkin from his food tray as Trula is dripping wet as Veronica and Betty looking on happily. Jughead has the body language that is screaming: Job Well Done. Trula does not react and simply stares blankly straight ahead.)

Archie: I'm so sorry, I didn't want that to--it wasn't me, you see—

Jughead: I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Trula. That carbonated drink makes you look like a drowned rat.

(Trula stands up and stares blankly at Archie who becomes nervous as Jughead nods his head, waiting for Trula to become angry.)

(Trula still has the same vacant facial expression as Veronica and Betty become near over patient with Trula breaking up with Archie.)

(Trula suddenly smiles.)

Trula: I know, Archie, bad things just tend to happen to you. It's not your fault in the slightest. These little...incidents are what make you special to me.

(Archie lights up as Jughead is wide-eyed in disbelief.)

Archie: Really?!

Jughead: Really??

(Trula takes Archie by the hand as they walk past Jughead without paying him a glance. Betty and Veronica's are both slumped over with their arms dragging as they look on in a mix of disbelief and disappointment.)

Trula: You can make it all up to me by taking me to the movies this afternoon around four.

(Trula sticks her nose in the air and acts snobbish as she leads Archie away. Jughead, Betty, and Veronica look on in frustration.)

Trula: Now come. Lunch is nearly over and the daughter of a famous writer can't be expected to carry her own books.

Archie: And you won't!

Trula: And hurry after school. I want us to be prompt and be seen by everyone as we go into the theater. A picture speaks a million words.

(Betty and Veronica are angrily taking to Jughead who doesn't seem to register them talking to him as he watches Trula and Archie leave.)

Veronica: Is that the best you could think of?! If you're going to drench her, throw her into the ocean!

Betty: Yeah, it's going to take more than that to—

(Jughead suddenly snaps.)

Jughead:  You don't think I know this isn't serious!? My best friend's backbone is about to be yanked out by that devilish surgeon!

(Jughead holds up a finger in declaration.)

Jughead: Even if I must fall on the sword myself, if it gets Arch out of Trula's talons, I'll take that fatal wound!

(Jughead begins to storm out of the cafeteria as everyone looks on, from Miss Beazley to Dilton in the food line.)

Dilton: Jughead entering a cafeteria and leaving without taking a single nibble? That's rarer than a proton spinning at such dexterity the charges subside and build in mass similar to that of a neutron.

Miss Beazley: Yeah, and he's the only one of you little jerks who understands the finesse and time I put into my work.

(Miss Beazley drops a badly burnt piece of meat into Dilton's lunch tray. Dilton has a sickly expression on his face)

plud

Miss Beazley: The ash and scorch gives it flavor.

(Archie and Trula are entering the movie theater arm and arm as Betty and Veronica, wearing trench coats and shades follow them inside.)

Caption: Promptly four in the afternoon.

(They are inside the theater as Archie and Trula have taken their seats. Archie is holding a large tub of popcorn. The disguised Veronica and Betty are sitting two rows back, spying on the couple. An usher is walking down the open aisle.)

Veronica whispering: I can't believe I'm wearing something so...so tacky.

Betty whispering: I can't believe Archie is willingly watching a rom-com. He always wants me to watch action movies with plenty of explosives when we plan to go out.

(Veronica shows Betty her palm as Betty rolls here eyes.)

Veronica: That's why you smack him in the back of the head. It gets him in line every time.

Betty: Gee, and I wondered why Archie was seeing new people.

(The lights begin to dim as Veronica focus on Archie and Trula. Archie is looking at Trula smitten while Trula is looking at her watch, not interested in anything else.)

Veronica: Mock if you must, but that tactic has led me and Archiekins to view all the movies in the Midday trilogy. Twice.

Archie: Trula, is something wrong?

(Trula looks at Archie and gives him a fake smile.)

Trula: Oh, nothing.

(The lights begin to dim.)

Trula: Three. Two...

(Archie turns to the aisle as he hears a voice.)

Jughead off-panel: STOP! TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON.

(Jughead is looking down at Archie and Trula condescendingly as the usher approaches Jughead. The lights are turning back to the way they were before.)

Usher: Is there a problem?

Jughead: Yeah, there's a big problem!

(Jughead points at Trula as Archie, Betty, Veronica, and several others in the movie theater look at Trula. Trula simply smiles as if greeted by a friend.)

Jughead: Her!

Trula: Juggers, you must be lost. The cartoon movie is playing at the end of the hall.

(The usher is confused as he scratches his head as Jughead looks down at Trula as Archie sinks in his seat, embarrassed by being caught up in this.)

Usher: She didn't buy a ticket?

Jughead: Oh, she's a sneak alright, but not the kind that sneaks into movie theaters! That's about the least damage she could ever do!

Archie: Jug, could we save the over dramatics at least until its pitch dark...?

(Jughead bends over Archie and is nose to nose with Trula, who is defiant towards him.)

Jughead: I know you're using Archie to play some sort of twisted mind game on me!

Trula: So what if I am? What can you do about it?

Jughead: Oh, you think I can't do anything about it?

Trula: I know you can't do anything about it!

(Betty and Veronica look on dumbfounded as Jughead and Trula argue off panel.)

Jughead: Oh, yes I can!

Trula: No, you can't!

Jughead: Watch me!

(Jughead grabs Trula by her hand and leads her away from Archie to another section of seats. Trula seems pleased by these events. Archie looks on speechless)

Jughead: You're sitting right next to me, away form Archie, and where I can keep an eye on you.

(Archie looks at Trula's empty seat.)

Archie: I never thought I would say this: Jughead stole my girl.

Archie: What else can go wrong?

(Jughead returns and grabs Archie's popcorn.)

Jughead: And this much buttered popcorn is bad for your cholesterol.  You're just begging for a heart attack.

SNATCH

(Archie has his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands as he is dejected. Behind him Veronica and Betty take off their trenchcoats and shades to reveal they have dressed up as if on a date.)

Archie: Right now I'm begging for a girl sitting right next to me during this girly movie.

(Betty jumps over to the seat on Archie's left.)

Betty: Ask...

Archie: Betty!

(Veronica jumps over to the seat to his right.)

Veronica: ...And ye shall receive.

Archie: Veronica!

(The last shot is a wide shot of Archie with an arm around Betty and Veronica's shoulder as Archie is happy to have two girls next to him and the girls are happy to have Archie back all to themselves. Three rows down Jughead is watching the movie and eating his popcorn as Trula rests her head on Jughead's right shoulder without him seeming to notice. Jughead is still holding her hand, but more to keep her from running back to Archie than anything else.)

Archie: Now this is a happy ending.

MUNCH MUNCH

Jughead: Could use a few more explosions though. And more salt.

 


Archie.

It was...good to see him. My best pal. Someone who always lent me five dollars knowing I'd never pay him back. All the wisecracks and butting in on his dates and he's still always there for a smart mouth moocher like me. A true blue...

Blue.

Cold.

It's turning cold.

My arm. It's turning cold.

It was hot. And throbbing. Pain. Unbearable burning pain.

So cold. And my vision...edging closer to some darkness, like day turning to night. Hard to remember everyone's face. When I do...my stomach tightens.

I like eating. But not this craving. No...but it hurts. The hunger hurts. So dry. So thirty. Insatiable.

No—no! Focus! I'm Jughead Jones! I haven't changed my underwear in two weeks! I like to eat; I like the art in pastries and all the mouth blowing flavors in a Big Pop double patty at Pop Tate's Chocklit Shoppe! And I like to sleep!

Sleep...

No. I don't—I think if I do go to sleep, I'll fade away. I'm already drifting. An abyss. I'm looking into this endless well of darkness and I'm so hungry and I'm not feeling like me and I'm hungry and I'm cold and I'm hungry and I'm scared and I'm hungry and I'm hungry--

Never been this hungry. Not ever.

Insides are eating at me. Something sharp. Feels like I'm being ripped inside out...

Arm's numb. Dead. Body numb...dying...?

No. Don't focus on that. Think of something else. Mom and Pop. Jellybean.

Hot Dog.

Hot Dog...Hot Dog was dead. On the street. Blood. I—I went to Sabrina. She couldn't help me...then she did. I dug a hole...near the River Styx...? I came home. Wait. He came. Something came.

Something clamped on my arm. Arm turned crimson. Wet.  It hurt. It hurt real bad.

He didn't come back. Hot Dog didn't come back—something did...

So hungry. So cold.

Skin feels lumpy.

I messed up. I messed up bad and now I'm—

Dying? Something else?

Something else...

I...I can't even open my mouth. Can't feel my mouth if it's open. I want something to eat, but—not food. Not food.

I think...bad things. I'm—doing bad things soon.

Focus. Remember faces. Friends. Family.

Betty. Nice girl. Smiles all the time.

Veronica: Rich—bratty...but always fun. Wastrel...Mannequin...words...banter and quips...

Reggie. Jerk, but...o...ay...

Mom and Pop. Hungry---hungry

No. Mom and Pop...always good to mmmeggggh—me. Good to...me.

Jellybeeerrggghh

NO! Not—not think that! Never that—sister! My...little sister. Cute. Sugar and spice. Not—not eat...

I'm numb. Cold. Lumpy. Can't...stay here. Want to.

What's today?

Almost night?

There—there's a party. At school. Wish I—could'a went. The Bee and Ms. Grundy would...be at door to say hi. Food. Friends. I—might have even given Eeerggthel a dance.

Chuck draw. Dilton—big brain. Moose strong. Midge...others. Kevin...? I don't want to think about them. It makes me hungry. Wicked hungry.

Teeth not even mine. Skin...wrong. Think.

Laugh with Reggie. Nice Betty. Trade words with Ron.

Memories turning to a famine.

Everyone. Everything. A fading...a fading memory. I'm fading. Going.

Someone's left.

Best friend. Red hair. Clumsy. Too many girls...the jalopy won't start again...we'll never get where we're going on time, now...


Loan—loan me some money for a burger, would'ja Archie? I'm so hungry, I'm dying.


Archie.

EEEEARRRRCHIIEE

 Jughead: Hide 'N' Seek

(Jughead is running down the hall, turning a corner as Betty and Archie try and keep up. Betty and Archie have back packs while Jughead is empty handed.)

Betty: I've haven't seen Juggie move this fast since...lunch.

Archie: Why the hurry, Jughead?

Jughead: I'll explain on the way to your car! I already lost time when I couldn't find my locker key!

(Jughead turns to look back as a shadow is being cast from the next hall.)

Archie: (huff puff) Explain while we still have breath...!

Jughead: To avoid the bane of my existence, my arch enemy...

(Jughead turns the corner as he is face to face with Trula Twyst who has a smile on her face.)

Jughead: Trula Twyst?!!

Trula Twyst: Juggers, my ears are burning.

(Jughead waits for a huffing and puffing Betty and Archie as he talks with Trula who has her eyes closed and her hands behind her back.)

Archie: Huff huff. If Trula, doesn't become a psychologist when she graduates...

Betty: ...Then she should be a magician since she pops up from no where.

Jughead: Nope. She only pops up where she's not wanted. Being any place that I am.

(Jughead is talking with Trula as Trula opens her eyes.)

Jughead: Okay, how did you know that—

Trula: -"-I would take the back halls instead of the usual entrance by to the side closer to Archie's car?"

(Trula points at Jughead's head as Jughead moves his eyes to look up at her finger.)

Trula: Well, I could go into detail about noticing a change in your normal habits, your eye movements towards this hall when going to third period...

Trula: ..But I'll try and salvage your ego by just saying: Lucky guess.

Jughead: GRRRR

(Archie is whispering to Betty. Betty looks displeased.)

Archie whispering:  Hate to say it, Betty, but I think Jughead's met his match.

(Jughead looks over at Archie.)

Jughead: Hey! I don't like anyway that sentence could mean.

(We see Trula brushing her hair back over Jughead's shoulder as he turns his eyes towards her.)

Trula: Face it, Juggers. The win-loss record is as one sided as could be.

Jughead: Grrrr

(Jughead turns around and points at his head as Trula tilts her head in curiosity.)

Jughead: If you think you know me from brain stem to stern, own me from my hat to my t-shirt, then why don't you prove it?

Trula: Go on...

(Betty is talking with Archie who is apprehensive on how Jughead is talking.)

Betty: What's Jughead thinking?

Archie: He's not. Trula gets under his skin so bad; he forgets how to chew food. No telling what he's getting himself into.

(Jughead is standing right in from of Trula and spreads his arms.)

Jughead: A game of hide 'n' seek. For the next four days, I have thirty minutes to hide anywhere in Riverdale and you have two hours to find me.

(Jughead smiles as Trula seems to be thinking it over. Behind Jughead, Archie and Betty are talking to one another as they watch intently.)

Jughead: And if I win, you leave me alone for a week. School you avoid me like the plague and after school you retreat straight home to your darkened lair.

Betty: Wow. That's a real challenge for Trula.

Archie: Yeah. The ultimate test of her Jughead expertise.

(Trula moves has her right hand over her mouth and taps her left face cheek with her index finger as she considers.)

Trula: And if I win...?

Jughead: Name it.

(Trula has a wily look as Jughead looks sternly at her.)

Trula: I want two hours of questions and answers. I ask questions, and you answer them. Any question I might have. No zings, no backpedaling. Straight forward replies only.

(Archie places a hand on Jughead's shoulder, trying to talk sense into him.)

Archie: Don't do it, Jug! She knows you inside and out. You lose, you give her every other which way.

(Jughead pulls his shoulder away from Archie's hand.)

Jughead: Forsythe "Jughead" Jones, the third may lie down, but he never backs down!

Trula: Then you won't mind one last condition.

(Jughead eyes her suspiciously.)

Jughead: What's that...?

(Trula closes her eyes as she holds out her palms while shrugging her shoulders.)

Trula: If you get a thirty minute head start and I have to fail just once for you to win, then you must find a hiding spot and stay there.

(Trula uses two fingers on her left hand to illustrate someone running.)

It wouldn't be fair for you to just run away when I'm in eyesight. It's "Hide" 'N' "Seek", not "Tag" that you're proposing.

(Trula extends her hand for Jughead to shake as Jughead brushes his hand over his mouth as he thinks. Archie and Betty are silently waving their arms and shaking their heads. )

Trula: Agreed?

(Jughead shakes her hand as they both lock eyes. Archie and Betty have defeated and disappointed body language. Archie facepalms as Betty bends over as if all the life was let out of her like air in a balloon.)

Jughead: Agreed!

(Trula breaks her glance and looks up at Jughead's hat.)

Jughead: What are you looking at?

Trula: Oh, I was thinking...

(Trula reaches inside of Jughead's hat.)

Jughead: Hey!

Trula: You were late to this rendezvous and you have no text books in your hands, since you don't carry a backpack...

(Trula pulls out Jughead's locker key.)

Trula: There it is. Your locker key you obviously misplaced.

Jughead: !!!

(Trula walks away as she casually tosses the key to Jughead over her shoulder as he catches it with both hands. A nervous Archie and Betty look on.)

Trula: The places you find things, right?

(Archie stands to Jughead's right, while Betty stands to his left. Jughead has a confused look on his face as his hat is now out of positioned.)

Archie: Jug, I think you might just want to surrender now.

Betty: Yeah, she's just too devious and cunning.

(Jughead steps forward and raises his fist in the air as he makes a pledge. Archie looks on with admiration as Betty shakes her head.)

Jughead: Never!

Jughead: I swear on Miss Beazley's chocolate soup sandwiches, that I shall defeat Trula Twyst and prove once and for all that no woman could ever grasp the depth recesses of Jughead Jones!!

Betty: Oh brother...

(Archie is talking with Jughead as Betty is walking away. Jughead has a smirk from ear to ear and grinds his hands as he has a master plan.)

Archie: So any ideas? I think you agreeing to be in one place has sunk you.

Jughead: Yeah, but who said my one place couldn't go up and about?

Archie: ?!

(It's the next day as Archie is in his car pulled up by the track field as he is watching the cheerleaders (Betty, Veronica, Nancy, Midge, and others begin practice.) Trula Twist with her backpack over her shoulder is walking towards the car from the sidewalk.)

Caption: Tuesday

Archie: Cheerleading practice already? I've got to thank whoever put that poster in my locker.

(Trula Twyst places a hand on Archie's shoulder as he looks on alarmed.)

Trula Twyst: Excuse me, Archie?

Archie: !!!

(Archie looks over at Trula who waves her hand as she has her eyes closed and has a fake smile on her face.)

Archie: Hey, I'm not going to tell you where—

Trula: No, no. I've just given up. When you see Jughead, I want you to tell him that.

(Archie eyes Trula as Trula seems to have a disappointed look on her face.)

Archie: Really?

Trula: Afraid so, I'm just at a lost. Stubbed my toe over the starting line as it were.

(Trula begins to act like her backpack is straining her as she looks at Archie with puppy dog eyes as Archie goes into a dream like state with a smile on his face.)

Trula: Maybe you could take me home? So I could begin my exile?  I would walk, but this backpack is so awfully heavy.

(Archie points over to the passenger side.)

Archie: No problem! I would never leave a lady in need.

Trula: My, a gentleman indeed.

(Trula bends down at Archie with a finger on her lip as she tries to seduce Archie. Archie has hearts around his head.)

Trula: Thank you. Now, could you open your trunk? I wouldn't want my backpack to scrap the leather seats of your vehicle.

(Archie opens the trunk door with a switch as Trula swings her backpack over her shoulder like it weighs nothing and merrily walks to the trunk.)

(We see Trula looking at Jughead as he is eating a candy bar. Jughead is flabbergasted.)

Jughead: !!!

Trula: One day down, three more to go.

(Trula throws her backpack in the trunk and slams the lid.)

THUD

Jughead: OW!

SLAM

Jughead: Another OW!

(Trula gets in the passenger seat and begins to put on lipstick as Archie watches her with heart shaped eyes as he drives.)

(They are driving on a new street as Trula smacks her lips as Archie continues to stare at her with heart shaped eyes)


(It is another street as Trula uses the passenger window to adjust her hair. Archie is still looking on in a glaze)

(They are in front of Trula's house as she smacks her lips. Archie still looks on with the heart shaped eyes.)

Trula: Thank you, Archie. You are a true gentleman.

Archie: Sure...

(Trula walks around the car as Archie has his arms over the steering wheel as he has a far away look on his face.)

(Trula taps on the trunk.)

Tap Tap

(The trunk door opens.)

(Trula extends her hands to her waist.)

(Her backpack zooms out of the trunk towards her head, but Trula catches it easily.)

(Trula goes to her house as Jughead staggers out of the trunk.)

(Jughead opens the passenger door and begins to sit down as he has a frustrated look on his face.)

(Jughead stares at Archie who is out of his trance and just notices him.)

(Jughead slumps in the seat as Archie has an apologetic look as he has a smile turned entirely to his right with wide apologetic eyes)

Archie: Sorry.

(Jughead has his left eye squinted and his right eye looking upward .)

Jughead: Okay, if a mobile hiding spot won't work, then I'll just go with a place she can't enter.

(Trula Twyst is walking into Pop Tate's. Pop Tate is at the counter cleaning a glass as he seems worried to see her.)

Caption: WEDNESDAY

Trula Twyst: My, I certainly could go for something sweet today.

(Trula begins to sit down at Jughead's seat. Pop Tate is trying to avoid eye contact.)

Trula: A banana split, please, Pop.

Pop Tate: Um...sure. Just a second...

(Trula begins to adjust herself on the stool as Pop Tate has the sliced banana in the ice cream dish along with the ice cream. Pop Tate eyes her nervously.)

Trula: Pop, was Jughead here?

Pop: Jughead? Our Jughead? Nope. Haven't seen the tip of his hat to the bottom of his sneakers all this afternoon.

Trula: Just like his money in your open palm.

(Trula talks as Pop becomes shocked and drops his ice cream scooper.)

Trula: But I thought you might have because this seat is warm, like someone just sat in it. I just thought that since today was your Wednesday special, Jughead couldn't help himself for a quick bite.

CLANG

(Pop Tate picks up the ice cream scoop and puts it in the sink.)

Pop Tate: Nope

(Pop Tate turns to notice Trula Twyst staring at him keenly, like she is trying to look past him.)

Pop Tate: Um, Trula, is something---something wrong?

(Pop Tate cautiously, like a timid lion tamer feeding a lion places her banana split in front of her, as Trula simply smiles and waves off the question. Pop Tate is sweating heavily.)

Trula: Oh, I'm quite content. But you seem tense. Anxiety, perhaps? I can help with that.

Pop Tate: Oh, well, I also fix hamburgers and onion rings over a deep fry. It gets hot. That's all this is

(Pop slides a spoon to Trula as Trula snatches it with her right hand.)

Trula: Of course. That must be it.

(Trula turns her stool around as she holds the spoon up to her eyes as she begins to brush her hair back. Pop Tate is tacking out a handkerchief as he nervously wipes sweat from his brow.)

Trula: Shame about Jughead. I was looking for him.

(Trula uses the spoon to see Pop's reflection from the corner to see him looking to his right.)

Trula: Yes, I'd hoped to find him here.

(Trula looks over to the men and ladies' rest rooms.)

Trula: Hm, but it would seem I just can't get to him now.

Pop Tate: So...so it seems, Trula.

(Trula looks over to see Midge and Moose sitting near a window as they enjoy one another's company.)

(Trula slides the banana split back as she walks towards them as Pop looks on.)

Pop: You haven't touched a bite.

Trula: Oh, I won't be but a moment.

(Trula is standing over Moose and Midge.)

Trula: Hello.

Midge: Trula.

Moose: Duh, is there something I can help you with?

(Trula talking to Moose as she tries to act innocent. Moose is becoming angry as he reflects.)

Trula: Moose, remember how you bought Midge those expensive chocolates last week and when you came back to your locker they were all gone?

Moose: Duh, yeah. They were a gift for our anniversary when we first met.

(Trula begins to walk away as Moose becomes enraged to the point he is snorting flames.)

Trula: Jughead took them.

Moose: WHAT?!!

Midge: Now, Moose, don't cause a scene...

(Moose kicks open the men's bathroom door.)

Moose: I thought Jughead was sick 'er' something since he was in here so long, but he was tryin' to avoid me!

PUNT

(Trula nonchalantly sits back in Jughead's seat and begins adjust as slice of banana to align with the other slices with her spoon. Midge, Pop Tate, and everyone else eating looks to their right in horror.)

OCCUPIED MOOSE! OCCUPIED!!!

DUH THE ONLY OCCUPYING HERE WILL BE MY FIST IN YOUR MOUTH!!!

(Midge has her hands over her ears and several people run out. Trula simply takes a moment and seems to be savoring the sounds)

POW WHAM ZAP CRRRKACCCKKK

(Trula adjusts the scoops on the banana split ever so slightly.)

(Trula moves over a seat to her left as Moose and Midge leave.)

(A severely battered Jughead with his clothes torn, his face bruised and his hat shoved around his neck walks towards his seat.)

(Jughead sits down at his seat as Trula, without looking his way, hands him her spoon.)

Trula: There you are.

Jughead: Yeah, yeah...


THE SWEET TASTE OF ICE CREAM CANNOT TAKE AWAY THE SOUR DEFEAT IN OUR HERO'S THROAT

TWO DAYS GONE, TWO TO GO!

 PART I




(Jughead is watching TV as he eats a bag of chips on the couch. Next to him is Jellybean who is playing with a doll. Behind him his parents, after having gotten up from bed (as they are in sleep attire such as robes) are walking behind him. In the background we can see a bare Christmas Tree with boxes of declarations still sealed shut right next to it. The stockings are hung over the fireplace and various other Christmas decorations over the house.)

Jughead: Morning, Mom, Pops.

Mr. Jones: Well, what a surprise. I didn't expect to see you up so early.

(Mr. Jones is talking with Jughead as Mrs. Jones enters the kitchen.)

Jughead: Early for breakfast, faster to a morning nap.

(Mr. Jones turns to the Christmas tree as it is still undecorated. Hot Dog is sniffing around the boxes with candy cane decorations.)

Mr. Jones: And what about that? You promised you would decorate the Christmas tree last night...after promising to get to it all this month!

Jughead: Pops, it's just a tree we have in the house for one month and then we get rid of. Why waste time decorating if it's only going to be here for a short time?

Mr. Jones: I could use that same argument about food in the refrigerator.

(Mr. Jones glares at his son as Hotdog happily trots away with a candy cane in his mouth.)

Mr. Jones. It's December and it's a Christmas tree, Jughead.

Jughead: Then why do I always see Christmas lights up all over town in November?

(Jughead goes back to watching TV as he flips the channels as his father face palms at Jughead's lack of understanding of Christmas Spirit. Jellybean notices Hot Dog with his candy cane and licks her lips.)

Jughead: The only other holiday I might accept in November might be Halloween and only because of all the spare candy.

Mr. Jones: Please spare me...

(Mr. Jones turns as his wife screams.)

Mrs. Jones: AAAHHHH

Mr. Jones: Gladys!!

(Mr. Jones walks up to his wife who is standing and pointing into the kitchen.)

Mr. Jones: Is something wrong? Is there a fire?

Mrs. Jones: No! But our kitchen was struck by something else that consumes all in its path.

(Mr. Jones looks into the kitchen and is taken back by the sight. On the table are the remains of a feast: Chicken bones, turkey bones, ham bones, yam, pots that had food in them and empty food cans. Mrs. Jones looks into the kitchen angrily as Jughead casually walks behind them.)

Mr. Jones: !!!

Jughead: Hey, do we still have that pack of marshmallows from a month back?

(Mr. Jones turns to Jughead who pats his stomach.)

Mr. Jones: You didn't have breakfast! You ate all the preparations for our Christmas Eve Feast!

(Mr. Jones and Mrs. Jones yell at Jughead who acts calm and unfazed.)

Mr. Jones: We have relatives coming over! Even your Uncle Herman and your cousin Bingo will be here this afternoon.

Jughead: He's not bringing his girlfriend is he? She's an amazon.

(Mr. Jones points at the bare Christmas Tree as Jughead begins to rebut his father's claim. Jellybean has now crawled down and is playing with a box of tinsel as Mrs. Jones tries to get her unwrapped.)

Mr. Jones: It's like this every year with you. Don't you have any sort of Christmas Spirit in you?

(Jughead cups his hand over his mouth as he tries to think of something as Mr. Jones becomes impatient)

Jughead: Hm...not TV because I hate those lame claymation cartoons and that movie with the kid and the BB gun....

(Jughead raises a finger to symbolize he's thought of something as Mr. Jones looks on optimistically. Mrs. Jones is now wrapped up like a mummy in tinsel as Jellybean looks on and laughs.)

Jughead: One thing.

(Jughead rubs his stomach and licks his lips as he talks and his father frowns.)

Jughead: I'm one of the few people who love fruitcake.

(Mr. Jones continues to lecture Jughead as Jughead rolls his eyes.)

Mrs. Jones: Today is all about family and friends and being together!

Jughead: ...Which is just about everyday...

Mr. Jones: You would have to live your life with your eyes closed not to see that!

(Jughead Jones closes his eyes like he normally does and smiles and points at his eyes. The Jones parents begin to fume.)

Jughead: Then I guess I'm excused!

(Jughead is in his coat and scarf as he runs out of his house. Outside is several inches of snow and houses decorate for Christmas with lights and various Christmas theme decorations like Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Santa Claus.)

Mr. Jones behind him: If you're not going to be of good cheer, then stay out for a few hours while we salvage what we can and finish the decorations.

(Jughead has his hands buried in his coat pocket as he scowls as he walks along the sidewalk.)

Jughead: Hmph. What's the big deal? You can save yourself trouble and just order in food.

(Jughead stretches his arms to illustrate all the decorated houses and holiday figures in yards.)

Jughead: Christmas is just another day. The sun comes up, the sun comes down, nothing's ever different.

Jughead: I mean, why go to all the trouble with blinking multi-colored lights up and down your house. That's just a massive electricity bill for you next year.

(Jughead begins to shiver as a wave of snow blows into his face.)

Jughead: Brrrr. Not to mention how cold it is always is around this time...

(Jughead looks down the street as, unnoticed behind his back, several children are pulling a sleigh as they race off to find a hill.)

Jughead: This year is even worse with all this snow. I don't see how anyone can be happy about it being so white today.

(Jughead begins to walk back to his house.)

Jughead: Well, I think that should have given them enough time to cool down...

(Jughead walks into his yard as he prepares to peek through the living room window.)

Jughead: ...but better safe than sorry.

(Jughead looks at his house as we can see through the window. He sees his parents and Jellybean near the tree as it's almost decorated. The lights are already around the tree. Mrs. Jones is holding Jellybean as she passes Mr. Jones Christmas decorations to place on the tree. Jellybean is playing with tinsel with her free hand. Hotdog is curled up under the tree.)

Jughead: ...

(Jughead turns his head away as he sadly walks away.)

Jughead: Look at that. Not even gone a second and everyone's day just lights up.

(Mr. Jones plugs up the Christmas lights and they light up in various colors as Jellybean and Hot Dog both clap in approval. Jughead holds his stomach like he's just been punched.)

Jughead: Oh, the irony is like a hot butter knife in my bread basket...

(A high angle view as Jughead is walking down the street. We can see walking down the street towards Jughead is Trula Twyst holding a present.)

Caption: Look at that guy. There's one of these in every town. Acting like it's another day and being a grouchy with every single person he meets.

(Trula Twyst walks up to Jughead. Trula does her smile and head tilt as Jughead becomes angry and frustrated even more.)

Trula Twyst: Jughead Jones. Just the boy I was hoping to see today.

Jughead: Trula Twyst. Just the girl I was hoping not to see any day.

(Trula Twyst holds up the gift towards Jughead. Jughead looks on untrusting of the gift. Jughead has a thought balloon of himself opening the gift as a viper comes out as an evil looking Trula looks on gleefully)

Trula Twyst: Now, Juggers, is that any way to talk to someone who is delivering you your Christmas present?

(Jughead waves Trula off as he begins to walk past Trula who looks at him at a loss.)

Jughead: Pass.

Trula: Pass?

(Jughead continues to walk away from Trula as Trula becomes agitated. Her eyebrows furrow as she glares a Jughead.)

Jughead: Pass on whatever's in the box and passing by you right now.

(Jughead is hit by a snowball on the back of his head as he shudders.)

Trula off panel: Then you can have this instead!

BOP

Jughead: ACCCKKK!!

(Jughead is walking on a new street past as he tries to knock snow out of his hat. On the other corner is Ethel as she has some freshly baked cookies in a container)

Jughead: Sheesh! Is everyone going to give me a hard time today?

(Jughead meets Ethel. Ethel is happy to see him, but Jughead is less than happy to see her.)

Ethel: Juggie!

Jughead: Oh. Ethel.

(Ethel holds out the Christmas cookies as Jughead salivates over them.)

Ethel: I was just done fixing up the Christmas cookies for the Christmas Eve Party at Pop's, and I thought maybe you would like a sample.

Jughead: Keep thinking like that and Dilton has competition in the brain department!

(Jughead begins to munch the cookies in a style similar to cookie monster as Ethel looks lovingly at him even though he is making a pig out of himself.)

Caption: Look at that guy. I'd say he should eat with his mouth closed, but he'd probably bite off his own tongue...

(Jughead looks up as he continues to devour cookies fist and mouth all at once.)

Jughead: *munch munch* You say something *munch* about a Christmas Party?

Ethel: Yeah, Archie thought it up last night and the entire gang is trying to throw a quick little Christmas Eve get together for us Riverdale teens at Pop's.

(Ethel looks on lovingly as Jughead pats his belly. Ethel has her hands cupped at her left face cheek as she talks to Jughead.)

Ethel: Now, isn't there something that you would like to give me in return?

(Jughead burps in Ethel's face as Ethel's face turns green in disgust.)

Jughead: BURRRRRPPPPP

(Jughead is walking away as Ethel is bent over while waving a fist at Jughead.)

Ethel: Jughead Jones! I don't know why I bother with you sometimes!

Jughead: Think like that all the time and we're making progress.

(A high angle view again as Jughead is walking into town with The Chocklit Shoppe in view.)

Caption: Just like I thought. I'm going to have to call in the expert on this one.

(Reggie is walking down a hall as Midge is reading a letter to Veronica and Betty. Betty seems to enjoy it as she has her hands clamps just under her chin. Veronica is looking at herself in the mirror to her make-up kit as she seems unimpressed, but listening)

Midge: And your eyes are a window into a world of whimsy and wonder; a soul where kindness and love never slumbers...

Betty: How romantic!!

Veronica: Hm. For a love poem from a commoner, it's acceptable.

(Reggie rolls his eyes)

Reggie thinking: She likes that?! I've seen sonnets on bubble gum wrappers better than that!

(Reggie hides behind a corner in the background. Midge is looking at the piece of paper as Betty and Veronica look over her shoulders.)

Betty: Hey, just who wrote it?

Midge: It doesn't say. And whoever wrote it came in early today and slipped it into my locker.

(Veronica grabs the note and leans it her.)

Veronica: Well, love may be blind, but it's not dumb.

Midge: What do you mean?

(A shot of Reggie with his back to the wall as he is spying on the girls. He is combing his hair as he seems to be just a few seconds away from going to Midge to try and win her over.)

Veronica: Midge, what do you think will happen when Moose hears about this?

Midge: Well...I guess, he would—

(Betty slaps and open palm with her fist as Midge looks at her, knowing how Moose would react.)

Betty: POW!

Midge: Yeah, Moose wouldn't take it well, but this is between just us, right? I mean, it's just a harmless little poem.

(Veronica walks away from Midge and Betty as Midge wants her to come back. Betty has her hands at her hips and smiles.)

Veronica: Afraid not. When you speak, Veronica Lodge listens. And when she listens, Veronica Lodge has to speak to all of the people what she heard.

Betty: That's how gossip begins in Riverdale High.

Midge: The seed to the grapevine, huh?

(Midge folds up the note and puts it into her purse.)

Midge: Well, I guess no harm can be done...

(Midge and Betty walk the direction Veronica left in as Reggie looks out the corner as his hair stands straight up and his face goes white.)

Midge: It's not like he'll just beat up every guy he sees!

(Reggie runs down the hall.)

Reggie: Oh yes, he would! And I'd be the first one!

(Reggie scowls as he looks back as he is running right into Moose who is casually walking down the hall.)

Reggie: I don't know why that cretin always has it in for me.

(Reggie rams into Moose.)

WHAM!

(Reggie has his eyes closed as he is picking himself up from the floor. Moose is bending down to help him up.)

Reggie: Ow! You stupid creep! Watch where you're going!!

Moose: Duh.

(Reggie's eyes go wide)

Reggie: Duh?

(Reggie begins to crawl away at great speed as Moose scratches his head in confusion.)

Reggie: AAAHHHHHH!!!

Moose: Gee, I just wanted ta help him up and apologize.

(Archie and Jughead are talking by some lockers as Reggie runs towards them.)

Archie: So then I tell Mr. Weatherbee—

Reggie: Archie! Jughead!

(Reggie is frantic as he talks with Jughead and Archie. Archie seems skeptical of Reggie's intentions while Jughead leans his head against the locker with his hands on the back of his head.)

Jughead: Well, there goes the pleasant conversation portion of the day.

Archie: What's wrong, Reggie? You look like Moose caught you making a play on Midge again.

(Reggie talking with Archie and Jughead as they listen.)

Reggie: He's not, but he will!

(Archie and Jughead turn to each other in confusion.)

(Archie and Jughead turn back to Reggie and speak.)

Jughead: The sun will go down and come back up and rain will be wet except when its snow, then it's slushy.  We have our own Nostradamus, Arch.

(Archie points to Jughead who sticks his chest out proudly. Reggie glares at the two.)

Archie: Hah! If he wants to impress, he should predict when you pay your tab at the Chocklit Shoppe.

(Archie talks to Reggie as Reggie slaps his forehead in frustration.)

Archie: Reggie, Midge isn't interested and Moose will kill you. So why don't you—

Reggie: It's not like that, you twits!

(Reggie is hysterical as he talks with Archie and Jughead. Several other students are listening in. Jughead looks around to see other students listening in.)

Reggie: Someone wrote Midge a love letter and Veronica and her big mouth is telling everyone!!

(Archie is taking a book out of his locker as he lectures Reggie who grits his teeth and his face turns red. Jughead is leaning against the lockers as he seems to be waiting for the perfect moment.)

Archie: Reg, you should know that writing Midge love notes is signing your death certificate with Moose.

Reggie: I didn't do it!

(Jughead puts a hand to his ear as Reggie is becoming more and more angry.)

Jughead: I didn't catch that. You didn't do what?

(A wide shot as Reggie has his fist clenched, his arms spread, and has his head titled back as he yells.)

Reggie: WRITE MIDGE A LOVE NOTE!!!

(Reggie grasps his mouth shut as he turns his eyes towards several students. Jughead, having accomplished his joke, looks on with a smile from ear to ear.)

(Reggie is running away with his mouth still covered as several students begin gossiping.)

Student one: You hear about Mantle writing Midge a love letter?

Student two: Yeah. I hear he proposed to her. They might elope.

(Archie, trying to hide a smile, looks over at Jughead who just shrugs his shoulders playfully.)

Archie: That wasn't a very nice thing to do.

Jughead: But it was nicely done. That's what we should reflect on.

(Reggie runs into a room as Chuck is sketching the classroom on notebook paper.)

Reggie: I gotta hide.

Chuck: Hide? Hide from what?

(Reggie is closing the classroom door as Chuck looks on.)

Reggie: You wouldn't understand.

Chuck: Try me.

(Reggie uneasily eyes the window to the classroom door as students pass by.)

Reggie: Someone thinks I did something I didn't do, but I have no way of proving I didn't do it or finding out who did it.

(Chuck stops sketching as he has a faraway look in his eyes.)

Chuck: That reminds me back when I was a kid...

Reggie: I didn't want an excerpt from your life story.

(Chuck is flashing back to when he was a kid and his mom was scolding him. We see he has several cookie crumbs on his shirt.)

Caption: My mom never liked it when I ate cookies before dinner and after so many times, she threatened to give me a spanking the very next time.

(Lil' Chuck is watching his dad eat several newly baked cookies that are placed on the kitchen table.)

Caption: One day I saw my dad sneak a few cookies my mom had just baked...

(Lil' Chuck eyes the remaining cookies on the cookie sheet as his father is going out the door.)

Caption: I knew she wouldn't believe me that dad ate those cookies before he went to a school faculty meeting and I knew I was going to get punished...

(Lil' Chuck is eating the remaining cookies as he has melted chocolate and crumbs on his face as he sits down on the kitchen floor. His mom is just entering the kitchen and glancing down at her son.)

Caption: ...So I decided I might as well actually have done something wrong.

(Back to the present as Reggie is thinking about what Chuck says as Chuck points his pencil at him.)

Reggie: So, what you're saying is: if you're going to be found guilty, you might as well do the crime.

Chuck: Something like that.

(Reggie begins to motivate himself as Chuck looks on.)

Reggie: Yeah! Live for the moment and die a second later!

(Reggie is leaving the classroom and waving back at Chuck who doesn't take his leaving comment well.)

Reggie: Thanks, Chuckles. Who knew you could be useful when you're not wasting your time drawing stick figures?

Chuck: !!!

(Chuck glares at Reggie as he leaves.)

(Chuck begins to draw on a new piece of paper.)

(We look over Chuck's shoulder to see him drawing Reggie with rat like features: A tail, a long nose, pointy ears and overgrown teeth.)

Chuck: Maybe I should have told him the part about how my behind was sore for a week...

Chuck: Nah.

(Moose is talking with Midge in the hall. Moose is nervous and blushing while Midge smiles at him.)

Midge: You wrote that poem, Moose?

Moose: Duh, yeah. I'd been working on it for awhile, but I was too scared to say it aloud because words don't come out of my mouth right most of a time.

(Moose is talking with Midge as he is smiling. In the background Reggie is walking towards Moose and Midge like a man with a purpose.)

Moose: I even came to school early to put it in your locker.

Midge: Well, I love it. I've already shown it to the girls and they're all impressed. I can't wait to tell them how my boyfriend is a poet. They'll be so jealous.

Moose: Shucks.

(Midge has the poem out as she holds it for Moose. Moose is acting bashful like a little child would. Reggie is closer.)

Midge: Would you read it to me?

Moose: Duh, gee, I dunno if—

(Reggie pushes himself past Moose.)

Reggie: One side!

(Reggie grabs the note and wads it up as he smiles at Midge with his chin sticking up.)

Midge: Reggie Mantle what are you doing?!

Reggie: Be back with you in one second, Midge.

CRUMBLE

(Reggie turns to an enraged Moose as Midge looks on angrily as well. Reggie tosses the wadded up paper at Moose's chin.)

Reggie: You may put me in a coma, but just remember this:

(Reggie turns around, takes Midge in his arms and tilts her back, as he kisses her. Midge has a look of repulsion and Moose has steam coming from between his ears.)

SMOOOCH

Midge: MMMPPH!!

(A close up on Moose as he roars with an uncontrollable rage that he is just a moment from releasing.)

Moose: GRRRRRR

(The school nurse is checking Reggie's blood pleasure. His torn shirt sleeve is rolled up to his elbow as we can see bruises along his arm.

School Nurse: Incredible.

(Reggie is in the Nurse station of Riverdale High as the nurse is looking over a battered and badly bruised unconscious Reggie lying on a bed. Reggie has a smile on his swollen face.

Nurse: I just can't believe how this young man could take such a merciless beating and keep that smile on his face the entire time!

The End.

 
(Jughead is walking out of the school along with several other students.)

Jughead: The final bell rings, and now to Pop's for a few burgers. Limited ambition: the best way to enjoy life.


(Jughead turns his head as he hears a voice calling him.)

SWEETIE PIE!!!

(Jughead begins running away as Ethel gives chase as he pushes several students out of his way.)

Jughead: She's rapidly turning me against that form of pastry!!

(Ethel chases Jughead through the park as several people walking their dog look on.)

(Ethel is closing in slightly closer as they run past Pop Tate's as Pop Tate is sweeping the sidewalk.)

(Pop Tate looks on as they run down the sidewalk and several pedestrians leap out of their way.)

Pop Tate: Maybe I should install a drive-thru.

(Jughead is running frantically as Ethel is closer to catching him. They are now in a suburban area.)

Ethel: Sorry, Dream Boat, but you are not sailing away on me!

(Ethel tackles Jughead on the sidewalk just in front of a blue house.)

THUD

Ethel: Gotcha!!!

(Ethel is holding down Jughead as Jughead struggles to get up.)

Jughead: You want something, Ethel?

Ethel: Nothing, but my man to walk me home.

(Jughead dusts himself off as Ethel looks on with lovey-dovey eyes.)

Jughead: Fine. If that's all you want.


(Jughead points towards the blue house and a mail box that reads: MUGGS. Ethel looks on shocked at her own home.)

Jughead: Well, here we are.

(Jughead confidently walks away Ethel swoons at having Jughead walk her home like it was miles instead of inches.)

Jughead: You know that wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

THE END.

 Part one: Grand opening.

(The setting is the halls of Riverdale High along the lockers. Miss Grundy's classroom is in view. Several students are coming in for the start of school and opening lockers to put in or away books. Trula Twyst is by the Riverdale Lockers as she seems to be waiting for someone as she leans against a locker and examines her watch.)

Trula Twyst: Hm...he'd  have been here a minute ago alone--been here now if it was him and Archie, so I can surmise that Juggers is with Archie and whomever his rovering eye has stopped upon...

(Ethel is running down the hall towards Trula as Trula frowns.)

Ethel: Trula! You haven't seen my Juggie, have you?!

(Ethel has stopped in front of Trula. Ethel has her arms cupped at her chin as she is envisioning a wonderful, romantic time with Jughead. Trula has her head titled and her left eye squinted as she seems to be weighing her options.)

Ethel: I have plans on him taking me to Pickens Park for a romantic afternoon under a caramel sunset.

Trula: ...

(Trula flashes Ethel an insincere smile as she begins to lie to Ethel.)

Trula: Oh you just missed him. He said he was feeling a craving for a Pep Soda.

(Trula points to her left as Ethel begins to run off and waves an appreciative hand directed at Trula.)

Trula: You should find him just at the cafeteria.

Ethel: Of course! What better place to give my sweetie his sugar! Thanks, Trula.

(Trula rolls her eyes in disgust. In the distance, Archie, Veronica, and Jughead are coming into view in the background of the hall.)

Trula Twyst thinking: Such a bothersome person...


(Archie is walking with Veronica down the halls of Riverdale high with various students going about their way. Archie and Jughead have backpacks while Veronica has a satchel. Several candy wrappers and a soft drink are sticking out of pockets and slots in Jughead's backpack. Archie has heart shaped eyes as he fawns over Veronica. Jughead is a few steps behind the duo as he rolls his eyes as it's the same old same old with him.)

Veronica: Archie-kin, I was thinking of letting you accompany me to Katy Keene's exhibit in Riverdale Hall. And afterwards, I was thinking that maybe we could—

(Jughead steps in between the two, angering Veronica

Jughead: Sorry, Ronnie, but me and Arch have plans for that night. In fact, we have plans all of this week.

Veronica: Hey!!

Archie: We do?

(Jughead puts an arm around Archie's shoulder as he leads him ahead of Veronica. Veronica is standing in place, her face red with rage. In the background is Trula Twyst at her locker. Trula is tapping her watch, showing that she was right about her deduction from earlier.

Jughead: Yeah. Remember the Comic Expo is all this week. Comics, dressing up like its Halloween, and I hear that the creators of Wonder Dude will be there to go over storylines and give autographs and—

(Veronica shouts at Jughead.)

Veronica: JUGHEAD JONES!!!

(Archie begins to run off as Jughead waves him off triumphantly.)

Archie: Yikes. The one time Veronica isn't attractive.

Archie: I'll catch you later, Jugs.

Jughead: Of course.

(Veronica stomps towards Jughead. Jughead has a vacant look on his face. In the background, Trula Twyst is watching intently.)

Veronica: Oh, I wouldn't make that promise if I were you—you—you---you uncouth clod!

(Jughead tugs at one of his ears and with his other hand points at his nose)

Jughead: Loud noises may hurt these ears and fragrances may grieve this nose, but words will never harm me.

(Veronica has an English text book as she takes a swing at Jughead who steps back with no showing of concern.)

Veronica: Oh, we'll see about that!!

SWISH

(Trula Twyst is leaning against her locker as she has a devious grin on her face. Veronica is still trying to smack Jughead with the textbook, but Jughead does a matrix move and bends his back backwards as casually picks up a quarter on the floor. Mr. Weatherbee is approaching the fighting teens.)

Trula Twyst: Hm, I do believe that whiff is stirring the winds of change to blow opportunity in my direction...

(Mr. Weatherbee steps behind Veronica as Veronica's eyes light up in shock.)

Mr. Weatherbee: Veronica Lodge! What in good grace do you think you're doing in my hall?

Veronica: Eeek!

(Veronica is blushing as he tries to hide the textbook behind her back. Jughead looks on smugly. He is on the balls of his toes as he leans his head towards the textbook at Veronica's back.)

Veronica: Well...sir. It's like this...you see, I—he...I was...

(Jughead snatches the textbook from behind Veronica's back.)

Veronica: ?!

Jughead: I was just telling Ronny how I forgot my English Lit, and she insisted I borrowed hers.

(Veronica begins to weakly nod.)

Veronica: ...Right. You know how stubborn Jughead can be—

(Mr. Weatherbee walks away as he has his head turned to the teens. Jughead smiles as Veronica glares at Jughead.)

Mr. Weatherbee: Well, you should thank Veronica and be sure to be prepared for school from now on. 

Jughead: I'll skip a meal before that ever happens again, Mr. Weatherbee.

Mr. Weatherbee: See that you do.

(Veronica glares at Jughead as he looks through the textbook.)

Jughead: You're welcome.

Veronica: Grrrrr

(Veronica begins to yell at Jughead.

Veronica: Why do you insist in interfering with my relationship with Archie at ever opportunity!?

Jughead: I insist because I'm a devoted pessimist to love. A wet blanket who could drown an ocean. A buttinski with a nose that works like a weathervane when it comes to you and Archie.

(Jughead walks down the hall as he holds the textbook in the air. Veronica has her fists clenched as she tilts her head back as she is absolutely fuming.)

Jughead: Thanks for the loan, I'll return it to you when you go and meet Archie at Pop's.

Veronica: Ohhhhh!!!

(A close-up on an angry Veronica as she is flushed around her cheeks with frustration.)

Veronica: Archiekins and I can never be together with that pest constantly forcing himself between us.

(Veronica turns her head as someone is addressing her from behind her back)

Veronica: But how to get rid of him when he hovers around Archie like satellite? 

Trula Twyst off panel: Perhaps I can be of assistance in knocking him out of your orbit...

(Veronica turns around as Trula Twyst is standing at her locker. Trula has her eyes closed and has a confident smile on her face. She is holding a folder near bursting with various colors and sizes of paper.)

Veronica: Trula Twyst, amateur psychologist and self-appointed Jughead surveyor.

Trula Twyst: The one and the same.

(Veronica walks over to Trula.)

Veronica: I know that you have ways of wrapping Jughead round your finger, but you certainly haven't tied him up. And why would you help me? 


(Trula has a wicked look on her face as Veronica is even taken back by her.)

Trula: It's all ends to the means. I want Juggers to understand that I'm in charge, and if that absolute end is the means to strengthen your relationship with Archie--

(Veronica smiles back at Trula.)

Veronica: I see. As long as you get what you want, whatever else is no concern to you.

Trula Twyst: Precisely.

(Veronica's smile fades)

Veronica: If you have some sort of ultimate master plan, what exactly do you need me for?

(Veronica is handed Trula's notebook.)

Trula: Funding.

Trula: Blue Divider, page 125, if you would be so kind...

(Veronica is reading over the notebook as Trula waits patiently.)

Veronica: City Hall documents showing my father owning...

(Veronica has shocked expression on her face as she looks at Trula's plan.)

Veronica: Wow. I knew you were ambitious but this...all of what you would need would be at least a month's allowance! And how would I explain this to my father when--

(Veronica looks down the hall to see Jughead at his locker eating a fried apple fritter.)

Jughead: BURRRPPPP

(Veronica has a look like she's going to throw up as Trula whispers into her ears. Think of the little devil on someone's shoulder guiding them down the wrong path)

Trula: If everything goes accordingly, you will no longer have the longest nose in this hemisphere being where it doesn't belong...

(Veronica is seriously thinking it over as she looks at Jughead wiping grease on his shirt.)

Trula Twyst: ...and the lazy, gluttonous, female hater will be a fading memory.

Veronica: ...

(Veronica and Trula shake hands.)

Veronica: I'll have everything ready by tomorrow.

(Close up on Trula as she has a devious smile on her face.)


(It is the afternoon of the next day as Archie and Jughead are walking towards The Chocklit Shoppe. Archie has a worried expression he is slumped over. Jughead seems happy and is salivating.)

Archie: Jughead, I don't know. In study hall, Veronica seemed like she really wanted me to go to the mall with her and I haven't really—

Jughead: Archie, you want to spend an entire afternoon watching Ronny try on shoes or treat your best friend to a meal?

Archie: Do I have a choice?

Jughead: Hey, I would treat, but I know it's better to give than receive. I can't take that principle of joy from my best friend, can I?

(Archie his holding his head as he relents to Jughead who looks on satisfied.)

Archie:  Don't count yourself short. You're giving me a headache...

(Jughead and Archie are just at Pop's as the wind carries a fragrance towards the duo.)

Jughead: That's the spirit. Now let's forget all this talk about girls and—

(The fragrance reaches Jughead's nose as he begins to sniff and seems enraptured by it.)

Jughead: Sniff Sniff

(Jughead begins to follow the aroma as if it is pulling him along by his nose.)

Archie: Hey, where are you going, Jug?

Jughead: The noses knows, Archie. Only the nose knows.

(Archie follows after Jughead as they run down the street.)

Archie: I haven't seen you run like this since Fishballs and Spaghetti Monday at school lunch.

Jughead: This isn't fishballs and tomato sauce, Archie. This is exquisite, this is delicate, this is...

(Jughead and Archie turn a corner. Jughead has a look of pleasant surprise on his face. Archie has a look of what is that.)

Jughead and Archie: !!!

(Jughead and Archie are standing in front of a new French restaurant with an elegant sign near the top of the building reading: LE CHEZ DE TWYST. It looks like a typical French restaurant with large windows. The building is not massive, but quant. Along the windows are several flowers and statues of cupid holding various French pastry treats.)

Jughead: Wow. Viva La France.

(Jughead and Archie walks to the door as Archie touches the arrow of one of the stone statue cupids with his finger.)

Archie: Huh, Isn't this the old Arcade? It hasn't been used in years, and I don't remember anyone working on it when we passed yesterday--

Jughead: It doesn't matter where it came from, but what it puts inside of you. A nice warm feeling like a Mango-Pear Mousse cake.

(Jughead stops at the door.)

Jughead: Um, Arch, I think I have to go this one alone.

Archie: Why?

(Jughead points at the door which has a sign hung up reading: Entire establishment reserved for a one Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones the 3^rd until otherwise noted.)

Jughead: That.

Archie: The entire restaurant--just for you..?!

(Jughead as he goes inside blissfully)

Jughead: Hey, whoever owns this establishment obviously has heard of about my exceptional taste buds and word of mouth from the tongue of prementioned buds could make them a booming success.

Archie: That's all fine and dandy, but what about the name because it reminds me of—

(Jughead slams the door as Archie closes his eyes and jerks back as if he feels the shockwaves.)

SLAM

(Archie is walking away form Le Chez De Twyst. Peering from the side of the restaurant is Veronica. Veronica has a fist pumped as everything is going as planned.)

Archie: Guess I could call Betty and maybe we could go to that motor show—

(Archie turns around as Veronica runs towards Archie.)

Veronica: Oh, Archiekins!

Archie: Veronica!?

(Veronica hugs Archie)

Archie: Ronny, what are you doing here, I thought--?

(Veronica acts like a tragic figure while posing her extravagant clothing to Archie as Archie has small hearts ricocheting off of each other.)

Veronica: Oh, dear, sweet Archie, without you accompanying me to the mall, I became dejected and was just wandering about aimlessly in two day out of fashion apparel...

(Veronica takes Archie's arm over hers and begins to lead him away. Archie has a dumb smile on his face as he is whisked away)

Veronica: ... But fate has reunited us. And we have just enough time to reach the local matinee.

Archie: Sure. I mean, I've got no better plans.

Veronica: Really now?

(Veronica mischievously peers over her shoulders at Le Chez De Twyst.)

Veronica thinking: And if everything goes to plan, a certain bottomless stomach will get his just deserts.

(Jughead is sitting at a decorated table with several spoons and forks on each side. Jughead is out of place and even he notices it. Jughead is placing his hat on the table.)

Jughead: Wish there was a menu or something. All I've read are signs leading me here. I haven't seen hide nor hair of another person.

(A figure moves in front of Jughead who has yet to be notice. She is carrying a tray with multiple plates)

Figure:  Bonjour, Juggers. I am your host, maitre d', and waitress for your stay.

(Jughead looks up to see Trula Twyst carrying an une dégustation—a tasting menu made up of small bites of various foods on multiple dishes—the plates include:
Filet Mignon, Coq Au Vin, Magret de Canard Au Miel et Couscous, Papardelle. Trula is wearing a red jacket, white shirt, and black pants. Under her left arm is a large menu.)

Jughead: Trula Twyst?!

Trula: But of course. I do apologize for the small taste menu. We just opened today and are getting settled in.

(Trula Twyst smiles as she sets the plates down as Jughead looks on suspiciously, but is slightly eyeing the food.)

Jughead: What are you doing here?

Trula: Oh, this is my after school job.

(Jughead begins to sniff at the plates.)

Jughead: I thought you bugging me was your after school job.

Trula: That's more of a recreational hobby.

(Jughead begins eating the various foods as Trula looks on slyly.)

SLURP MUNCH MUNCH

(Jughead is extremely pleased with his meal as he begins to lick one of the plates.)

Jughead: This is amazing! Y'know, this educated palette of mine would almost guess that this food came from—

(Jughead happily looks towards Trula as Gaston, the chef for the Lodge Family, walks beside Trula as Trula is looking over the menu.)

Gaston: Your educated palette has passed ze exam.

Jughead: Gaston! Riverdale's best chef!

(Gaston fiddles with his mustache as he becomes full of pride.)

Gaston: Ah, Joighead. Your words are tres magnifique.

Jughead: What I don't understand is what you're doing here.

Jughead: You work for the Lodges, so you don't need the money, and the Lodges have over the most influential people in the world as dinner guests....

(Gaston begins to talk as Trula rolls her eyes towards him.)

Gaston: Well, Miss Veronica has asked Gaston to—

(Trula elbows Gaston while trying to act nonchalant about it.)

Gaston: LE OW!

(Gaston tries to recover and stay on script as he holds his side. Trula nods in approval over Gaston's new answer.)

Gaston: Er, It is...just something to do on my free time, no...

Jughead: Oh yes!

(Jughead holds out a plate to Trula.)

Jughead: So what else is there?

(Trula begins to talk as Jughead becomes discouraged.)

Trula: Why only the finest French cuisine from the finest French chef of course.

Jughead: Oh...

(Jughead begins to stand up.)

Jughead: Hey, Pop's is one thing, but I doubt the word "tab" is in the French dictionary.

(Trula smiles as she glances at Gaston who winks back at her.)

Trula: You talk as if there's a problem.

(Jughead is being handed the menu by Trula.)

Jughead: No problem? A meal here would have to be worth my parent's utility bill.

Trula: Juggers, if you paid attention in world history, you would know that currency comes in all forms.

(Jughead looks at the menu as his face lights up)

Jughead: YOW!

(Over Jughead's shoulder we can see first right column listing the food)

Jughead: This is everything I love about French food written down in words! If this wasn't French, I would swear it was Shakespeare!

Menu
LUNCH

Crepe enchanté: Kiss on right face cheek

Crepe Metisse: Kiss on left face cheek

SOUPS

Soupe a L'oignon: Blow in the ear

Green Soup: Five second hug


Coq Au Vin : Five second hug   
Strogonoff de Frango "br" Compliment hair   
Costela No Bafo a la Métisse Brasil "br" : Compliment dress attire
Blanquette de Veau : Ten second talk on feelings   
Filet Mignon: Hold hands.  (Must wipe hands with napkin first)

Main Course:
Bass sautéed stripped bass: Two kisses on the lips
Chicken Penne: Ten second kiss on the lips


(Jughead is salivating.)

Jughead: Everything I could want. Prepared with what I want, how I want, temperature and time for the utmost taste experience...!

(Jughead has a startled look on his face as he notices the prices where he has to kiss, hug over various else with Trula.)

Jughead: Is this a joke?

(Trula has her hands behind her back as she talks as Jughead flips through the menu.)

Trula: C'mon, Juggers, what's a kiss or hug or two here and there when your stomach can eat the food of kings on a pauper's pension?

(Jughead looks up at Trula as he is thinking it over.)

Trula:  Vous désirez ?

(Jughead struggles with what to do as food aromas are all around him.)

Jughead: Obvious trap...must leave--

(Jughead begins to sniff the aromas as he becomes enraptured.)

Jughead: --But that smells so good...and it'll taste so much better...

(Jughead begins to hug Trula and kiss her on the lips.)

Caption: Could it be?! Has Trula Twyst finally found the way to tame Jughead?! Is the price of a soul worth a full stomach? Can Jughead escape—LE CHEZ DE TWYST?!

 (Reggie is on a chair in Miss Grundy's classroom placing a bucket full of water on the door frame as Betty looks on.)

Betty: Reggie Mantle, why do you do these childish things?

Reggie: Because I'm a kid at heart.

(Betty has her arms folded as Reggie climbs down.)

Betty: A black heart.

Reggie: Aw, it's just me having fun with Needlenose.

(Betty turns to Reggie as Reggie smiles and poses like he's won a medal.)

Betty: You're picking on Jughead again?

(Reggie points to the water bucket.)

Reggie: It's my hobby.

Reggie: And for today's lovely audience, I'm bringing out a classic. The old, dependable water bucket above the door frame.


(Betty is talking with Reggie as Reggie turns to the doorway and seems like a cat who has cornered a mouse.)

Betty: And how do you know Jughead will be the one to enter the classroom?

(Reggie turns to talk with Betty who seems to be taken back by how much thought Reggie put into his words.)

Reggie: Miss Grundy asked us three to help after school, she got called to The Bee's Hive so that's a few minutes and it will take Jughead forty seconds to finish his afternoon candy bar plus the distance to the class at his average rate of speed.


(Reggie begins to laugh as Betty frowns.)

Reggie: And if not him and it's some hapless sap—it's still funny!!

(Betty is talking with Reggie as puts a finger over his lips for her to keep quiet as the door begins to open.)

Betty: With that malodorous attitude you're the one who needs to be all wet.

Reggie: Shhh! Here he comes.

(Jughead walks through the door as the water bucket stays on the frame, with it just teetering. Reggie looks on thwarted. Jughead is finishing his candy bar and has two books under his left arm.)

Jughead: Hey, guys. Sorry if I'm late, but my Nutty Buddy is a good friend who I like to spend time with before we part ways when I open and close my mouth.

Reggie:!!!

(Reggie points up at the bucket as Jughead looks up.)

Reggie: Okay, how did you do that! I set that up perfectly! You should be wetter than a submarine!

Jughead: Huh. Yep. You sure did.

(Jughead walks past Reggie who becomes upset.)

Jughead: My best guess is that you've used that bucket so much it got rusty on you.

Jughead: Just give it a second or two. It'll fall eventually.

(Reggie moves backwards as he yells.)

Reggie: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It's a bucket! It's made to be wet because it was created to carry water!

(Reggie is talking as the bucket falls on his head.)

Reggie: And rust wouldn't stop gravity from—

SPLASH!!

(Miss Grundy is at the door way with a mop as she looks confused at the scene. Reggie is trying to get the bucket off of his head as Jughead comments. Betty has hand over her mouth as she laughs.)

Miss Grundy: Okay, I managed to find a mop, but I can't find where Mr. Svenson kept all the...buckets?

Jughead: Don't worry, Miss Grundy. Reggie has it all covered.

Betty: Drenched might be a better word.

 


(Chuck and Veronica are in an empty art class as Veronica poses and Chuck sketches her. Chuck rolls his eyes in response to Veronica's gloating.)

Veronica: Chuck, I'm honored that you wanted me for your art subject almost as much as you have the honor of capturing my beauty to last the ages.

Chuck: Sure. We're both honorable....

(Veronica does another pose with her arms extended and her chin held up as Chuck continues to paint.)

Chuck: I still appreciate you helping me with this new art style I'm trying out.

Veronica: It'll be easy for you to measure how well you're doing when your model is a perfect ten.

(Chuck puts his brushes down.)

Chuck: Finished!

(Veronica walks over with a smile to see as Chuck looks at his paint board with pride.)

Chuck: I think I've got the basic concept and principles of it.

Veronica: Of what? Realism? Abstract?

(Veronica is taken back as she sees a caricature of herself. She is shown being angry, red cheeked, an overlarged head, with small devil horns.)

Chuck: Caricature.

(Chuck is admiring his work as Veronica becomes angry with her face as tense as possible.)

Chuck: I was thinking maybe I could try earning extra money, and Pops said he could set up a spot for me.  What do you think, Ron?

(Chuck begins to turn towards Veronica as Veronica has her fists clenched.)

Chuck: So what do you think?

(Veronica towers over Chuck as Chuck goes wide-eyed with fright.)

Veronica: What do I think?!

Veronica: WHAT DO I THINK!!!?

(Veronica is storming out of the art room as Chuck has had the paint board smashed over his head as he is seeing stars.)

Veronica: That's what I think!!

Chuck: Obviously too much of a self-portrait. I completely forgot to exaggerate that enormous, throbbing vein on her forehead.

The End.

 (Archie is at his locker, putting up books, as Reggie runs up to him terrified.)

Reggie: Archie, I need your help!!

(Reggie hides behind Archie, while peering out from over his left shoulder.)

Archie: Reggie, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Reggie: I'll be a ghost if Moose catches me!

(Archie has a suspicious look on his face as he looks over his shoulder at the cowering Reggie.)

Archie: You really need to learn to leave Midge alone when Moose is within a hundred yard radius.

Reggie: There are better ways for me to learn than at the School of Hard Knocks!

(Archie turns away from Reggie and Reggie's hair stands up on end as he hears Moose shouting.)

REGGGGGIIEEE WHERE ARE YAH!?!!!

Archie: I'd hate to be you. Moose is like a bloodhound on the hunt.

(Reggie darts into Archie's locker as he slams the door shut.)

Reggie: You didn't see me!

CLANG!!!

Archie: Huh?

(Moose is storming into view as several students run way or place their backs flat against the locker or wall or dart into an open classroom. Archie is in front of the locker next to his with a worried expression.)

Moose: GRRRRRR

Reggie whispering from the locker: Act casual

Archie: Reggie, have you ever asked a hurricane not to mess up your hair?

(Moose walks over towards Archie.)

Moose: Duh, Archie, you haven't seen that sneaky weasel around, have ya?

(Archie is sweating with fright as we can see Reggie's scared eyes though slots in the locker)

Archie: Um...nope. Haven't seen it since the last time it got out of the petting zoo.

Moose: Nah, I'm not talking 'bout no animal. I'm lookin' for Reggie.

Archie: Um, why?

Moose: That sneak was buggin' Midge again!

(Moose hits Archie's locker as Archie jumps back.)

Moose: And if I see him, I'm gonna do dis to 'em!

Archie: !!

POW

(Moose kicks the newly dented locker and creates another heavy dent.)

Moose: And I'll give'em one 'a dese ta boot.

Archie: That's one big boot!

(Moose has calmed down and looks apologetically at Archie's heavily damaged locker.)

Moose: Gee, Archie, I'm sorry 'bout your locker. But that Reggie just irks me so bad, I just hav'ta let it out.

(Archie leads Moose away from the locker.)

Archie: Boy, did you.

Archie: Moose, you have a free period, right? Why don't you hit the weight room and burn off some steam?

Moose: Yeah, you're right, Arch.

(Archie looks towards the locker as Moose is a good distance away.)

Archie: Well, he's gone.

(The locker begins to open as a badly beat up and bruised Reggie steps out.)

Reggie: Hah! I sure outwitted that goon.

(Reggie then falls to the ground in a heap as Archie shakes his head in disgust.)

THUD

Archie: Yeah, you did that alright.

THE END.

Okay, found all my flash drives with all the fan fics...save that I wasn't smart enough to title them better. Yeesh. Anyway, starting tomorrow, I'll post more and more as I sort out them all out.

I also found some other fan fics I didn't post because I forgot or I never finished. If anyone wants I can let you look at them, I just can't promise quality...so you know about the same as the regular stories.

Anyway, here's the first one I posted, so enjoy.




JUGHEAD'S GUIDE TO GIRLS.

Jughead's Guide To Girls

(Jughead is talking to the reader as he is just entering Pop's.)

Jughead: Hello, it's me, your friend, Forsythe "Jughead" Jones, and I've come to clear out a few misconceptions.

(Jughead is walking as no one at their seats notice him and are eating or conversing normally. Eating are several couples of anonymous students)

Jughead: I've heard the whispers about how you don't understand how I can't be interested in girls. Like I hate girls.

(Jughead is eating a burger at the counter, leaning against it casually as Pop Tate is angry and holding up a long sheet of paper titled JUGHEAD'S TAB $$$. The Tab seems to extend for miles.)

Jughead: I don't hate girls. What I hate is how girls make guys do stupid things or put them in horrible situations.

(Jughead is motioning with his hand towards Midge sitting alone at a table as Reggie is hitting on her as she seems uninterested.)

Jughead: Well, let me give you my view on girls. Starting with...

(Reggie is talking to Midge, who is rolling her eyes in disinterest as Moose stomps towards Reggie without him noticing.)

Caption: The Taken Girl.

Caption: This is the girl who is steady with a boyfriend. Most would avoid this girl because of an overprotective boyfriend, but there are those who just...

(Reggie is looking nervously at Moose who is cracking his knuckles as Midge looks on happily.)

POW

(Moose punches Reggie across the room as Jughead has to leap over the rocketing Reggie.)

Jughead: Well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

(Jughead is over at an unconscious and badly battered Reggie as he lies in a slump against a wall. Jughead motions at Reggie with both arms to showcase his point.)

Jughead: Period.

(Once again, no one notices Jughead. Jughead is now in a fancy restaurant—he is wearing the same clothes only with a tie over his sweater—as he is just beside Archie and Veronica. Archie and Veronica seem to be having a good time after their meal. A waiter comes carrying the bill in a tray)

Caption: The Rich Girl

Jughead: You would think this would be great for any guy: beautiful, money, fun to be around...

(The Waiter places the tray down as Archie looks over the check.)

(Archie looks at the bill for three hundred dollars as his eyes go wide.)

Archie: !!!

(Archie is sweating profusely and has his shoulders hunched and showing his empty hands as the waiter and Veronica glare at him.)

(Archie is now in the kitchen washing dishes as Jughead looks on, shaking his head in disapproval. Archie has several broken dishes and cups at his feet as he angrily works. Through an open door we can see several other guys around Veronica.

Crrassh krrrrinkkkk

Jughead: Trust me. When you factor in economic status times recession, it just doesn't equal happiness.

(Jughead is in Betty Cooper's backyard as Betty is raking leaves. Betty doesn't notice him. Jughead looks on approvingly)

Caption: The Girl Next Door.

Jughead: She's kind, hard working, and she knows you better than anyone else. She's someone you can depend on.

(Betty is walking into the kitchen from the backyard as Jughead follows. On the kitchen counter is a tray of cookies and he grabs one and begins to eat as he follows Betty.)

Jughead: And she can cook!

(Betty is going upstairs as Jughead casually follows.)

Jughead: Seems like this type of girl has no flaws...

(Inside Betty's room as she is looking at several pictures of Archie as she lies on her bed. Several pictures of Archie are on the wall and the bed spread is a picture of Archie's face. Jughead is leaning against door frame and is pointing towards Betty's room with his thumb.)

Jughead: Until you realize how obsessive they are.

(Now we are at school as Chuck is drawing a bowl of fruit on a table as Nancy is getting angry with him and pointing at her watch.)

Caption: The Demanding Girl.

Jughead: She has wants and she needs you to hear about it.

(Jughead is right beside Nancy as Nancy has a list of things she wanted to do today. Chuck is not noticing Nancy as he continues to work.)

Jughead: Now wanting you to listen to her, spend time with her, and follow her interests may seem like not a big deal—

(An impressed Jughead is looking over Chuck's drawing as Chuck is using his thumb to get a better angle of the bowl.)

Jughead: --but wouldn't we all rather do what we wanted and not have anyone bother us about it?

(Jughead is walking down the street as he is talking to the reader.)

Jughead: Only two more to go and they are by far the worse. Pay close attention.

(Jughead is walking on a sidewalk past several buildings as the talks to the reader. Several people pass him by without noticing him.)

Jughead: There is one girl who will never take no for an answer. She will hound you and run you down unless you have some shoes have amazing tread.

(Jughead turns as he hears his name called.)

Jughead: I call this one--

Ethel off-panel: JUGGIE!!!

(Jughead is running away from Ethel as Ethel is closing in on him with her arms spread ready to grab him.)

Caption: The You're-The-Only-One-For-Me Girl

Ethel: I'm going to catch you, lover boy!

(Ethel has lost Jughead as Jughead is looking from a library in the background. Ethel is scratching her head as she looks around.)

Jughead: swhhooo.

(Jughead is in a library next to Trula Twyst. Trula is sitting at a desk with several piles of books at her left, paper and pen at her front and a protractor at the edge of the table.

Caption: The Femme Fatal.

Jughead: And to our most dangerous type of girl.

(Jughead is talking as Trula actually turns to him. Jughead is talking straight ahead to the reader.)

Jughead: Superman has kryptonite, fire has water, and Archie has child proof caps.

(Jughead is talking as Trula seems to be listening intently. We can see on the desk the paper as it is a picture of Jughead and his brain.)

Jughead:  She just knows what buttons to press.

(Jughead is talking as Trula does her glance and shrug.)

Jughead: Be it a glance or a shrug...

(Jughead quickly turns but Trula is back reading a book.)

SWISH

(Jughead is cautiously turning away form Trula as Trula looks up slightly.)

Jughead: Anyway, unlike the previous girl who tries to tire your body out, this one tries to break your will.

(Jughead goes back talking to the reader as Trula begins to watch Jughead again.)

Jughead: Her method of choice is to manipulate you with her plots and schemes, so you have to always be on your guard.

(Trula is sticking her tongue out at Jughead as catches it from the corner of her eye.)

Jughead: The best advice I can give is...

(Jughead catches Trula just from the corner of his eyes as Trula smiles deviously.)

(Jughead leans over to get nose to nose with Trula who just smiles back.)

Jughead: Never turn your back on her.

(Jughead is entering his home as he looks back to talk to the reader.)

Jughead: Now, I know some of you may think I'm only looking at the most extreme cases, the other end of the spectrum, not focusing on the larger demographic. But trust me on this--

(Jughead is in the living room as Jellybean, Miss Grundy, and his mom is waiting for him. Jellybean is walking towards Jughead and reaching out for Jughead to pick her up.)

Jellybean: Big brother!

Mrs. Jones: Jughead, Miss Grundy was in the neighborhood and was kind enough to stop by to check on you.

Miss Grundy: I was just finishing telling your mom how well you have done with your assignments and exams.

(Jughead bends down to pick up Jellybean.)

Jughead: Okay, I admit it...

(Jughead is being hugged by Jellybean around his neck as Miss Grundy and Mrs. Jones looks on satisfactorily.)

Jughead: Not all young ladies are bad.

THE END

 All my friends and family finally paid me the money they owe me...and this time I'm spending it before they get it back! Got a good haul that includes the two Super Suckers issues, the 2015 digest annual, Die, Kitty, Die, and the current run of Jughead 2015. And I do plan on reviewing them all. But I decided to start with Jughead as I've avoided spoilers, but have read about how the art isn't popular. So I'm going to do a one-a-day review for the series.

Jughead is just your average, stay up all night, smart mouth, slacker who wants to float down the stream of life at his own pace. But now with new principal Mr. Stanger and his new changes affect his lunch, Jughead has to do something he's never done before—do something in general.

The Good

1. The writing. I've never read anything from Chip "Killing my spellcheck" Zdarsky, but now I can say the man knows humor. The opening bit with Jughead taking full advantage of a free style game to cause havoc over the night was great. And he has really nailed the Jughead character: he's an anti-hero. He's not a bad guy, but he does not have any goals or real ambition; he just wants to go about his day which consists of: eat, sleep, play games, talk with Archie, and repeat for tomorrow. So pretty much he's The Dude as a teenager with a bit of Dr. House mixed in. I think this version is a little too talky, but it's a new universe Jughead and everything he says is funny, so I'm cool with it.

The other main five are written well: Archie is the everyman who tries to motivate/keep Jughead in check and still is gaga over the girls and has horrible transportation. Betty is caring and the idea of her protesting fits the character, Reggie is a jerk, and Veronica is rich and doesn't do much—but her few lines are really funny. I can just be given a word balloon and figure out who this goes to, which I appreciate in today's comics. My favorite interaction with Jughead and his friends would be with Betty and their conflicting views on...well, just caring and trying to make a difference.

The issue is extremely funny with Jughead's quips and quick wit. It's well paced and flows extremely well. And hey looks like we'll be having a plot. Neat.

2. The art. Okay, I've heard bad things about the art, and yes, I do have a few problems, but this wasn't end of the world bad that everyone has been saying it was. I like how Erica Henderson draws Jughead. Nice, lanky and skinny. The King of Thrones sequence was done well. And I appreciate the mix between Jughead keeping his eyes closed, half way open, or all the way open to illustrate Jughead's anxiety or apathy towards a given situation. And I really liked her Hot Dog. The fashion she has for the teens is really good and her coloring is great. I can see how her art style might not be for everyone, but I don't mind the style. There's something else that bothers me.

3. The Game of Thrones dream. It was fun, and this is coming from someone who doesn't have HBO (that's upper middle class tv viewifying.). But I could get the references and who everyone was supposed to be. And the ending was pretty hilarious with Jughead eating his infinite burgers. And it has a purpose: it gives Jughead the idea on how to deal with the cafeteria food menu. So this isn't just a parody that is just put in the midde of the comic for fun; it serves a purpose to the main story. It's a helpful narrative tool and still fun.

4. Stanger. He's the perfect antagonist for Jughead; an authoritarian figure who does not compromise. And I like how Jughead just jokes once and you can already tell he's Stanger's Hit List. It reminds me of House and Volger from season one of House. I have a feeling their relationship will be: The nail that stands out is hammered down. Jughead and his continued defiance to the changes of Riverdale High School will be fun to read.

5. Hey, an old story! I've heard this is going to be a thing throughout the series so this will be for all future reviews: OLD SCHOOL JUGHEAD RULES. That is to be understood thoughout the reviews. Also to be understood...Mohawk, skateboard loving Jughead did not happen, but Sassy Thrasher is a vastly underrated and underused character. And Curly Joe is the unfunniest stooge, not Shemp.


The Bad.

1. The art. Yeah, the art is not perfect and there are some mistakes that really do bother me. One of them is that a characters head or body changes shape and size. Jughead's nose goes from normal, to long, to pointy, to round over and over. I know this is a different art style, but you do need to stay on model for that style.  An example is Miss Beazley. I couldn't tell who that was in the Game of Thrones sequence until I looked back and saw the strand of hair peaking out through the hairnet/hat. Mr. Weatherbee and Miss Grundy look really weird to me. Hopefully this will improve as she continues her work on the book. And I'm not really a fan of her Betty. I recognized her, but she doesn't look good. Oh, and in one panel where Jughead is starting to sell his burgers...one girl is undead going by her blank eyes...and then no eyes the next. Nitpicky, I know, but I did chuckle at it.

2. Why should I care, old man? Okay, so Mr. Weatherbee is getting replaced by Stanger. Um, yeah, and...? I mean, I've read Archie comics so I know Mr. Weatherbee, just not this version. So I'm guessing he's the same, but a new reader who never read an Archie comic wouldn't know. A new reader wouldn't know the possible history or care. It's just some old guy who got fired. I mean, yeah, you feel bad, but you're not invested, which I find myself not being.

3.  Archie's freckles. Um, they were there for all of one splash page and then they're gone. It's kind of a trademark and a recognizable facial feature so I don't get why they're gone...or there for one instance then gone.

Things I've learned from reading:

Moose is super dumb in this universe.

• Archie has wash away freckles.
• Me and Jughead would not get along playing games. Classic Renegade For Life vs. Paragon 'Til Death.
• Chuck can't cook.
• Riverdale High has one heck of a Student Union.
• Gruel is a thing.
• Dragons like burgers.
• Jughead's subconscious really hates Reggie.
• You can train a dog to pounce on your best friend.
• Miss Crouton is an amazing teacher.

 

So yeah, this was a good issue. And as a first issue it does what it's supposed to: introduce the character and set the tone for the rest of the series. I really enjoyed the writing.  The art, while a bit flawed, was okay, so I don't get the whole—"worse art ever" vibe I've been getting.

I'll go B. Like I said I like the storyline going forward and the art style doesn't bother me, but I should really care more about Mr. Weatherbee losing his job like than I do and the art inconsistencies are distracting. But the characters are written well. Jughead is hilarious, Stanger is a great antagonist, and the coloring and clothing designs are really good.

So tune or...log in...whatever for tomorrow as I review issue two and we'll be one day closer to President Trump.

 Who is the most evil character in all of Archie Comics History?

Reggie Mantle: A mere mischief maker
Zombies and Cthulhu? Meh
The Predator: Evil doesn't use emoticons.
The Greendale Witches. Boring. Unimaginably boring.

What we will soon deal with is an evil unlike which we have ever experienced. A corrupter of souls, a dasher of dreams, he knows not love and is a plague upon the human condition. All sentient life is but toys for him to cruelly amuse himself.

NICK. ST. CLAIR!!!!!


There's a new kid in town and he's NICK ST CLAIR. He's rude, causes trouble, has no respect for authority...and he's dating your best friend. Can Betty and friends help Veronica see that she is in...Bad Boy Trouble?!




The Good.


Nick St. Clair: Oh man is he hilarious. He's so over the top bad you can't help but laugh at what he does!  The poses, his attitude, what he wears is so exaggerated you can't help but laugh. Just how unnecessary bad he is funny? The guy decides to take his time  in the hall, be late, and make horrible jokes or yell at teachers! The best has to be the boxing match with Archie (Yes, you read that right). He's like an evil professional wrestler! From his lame jokes, threats, and constantly hitting on Betty with the worst lines ever he's just so bad he's good!

The art. Well, if you wanted the teens of Riverdale to look more like teens Steven Butler does that. And he does a good job differentiating the characters. Jughead is sporting whiskers, Dilton wearing two piece clothing. I like that you can look at a character and can guess about what age they are. The backgrounds are well done and detailed. And Butler draws an awesome bike. Heck, Betty and Veronica look different enough and each have their own style. Every character has their own body language, poses, and character tics. And inker Al Milgrom's inks just helps bring out the art even more.

The Coloring: Well, no Grossman but Stephanie Vozzo does a great job all the same. The theater scenes are just great. To convey darkness everything is in black and white save for the movie screen that is in full color. That's a great idea that works perfectly. Flashbacks are in blue and black. The colors are bright. I was bothered by Midge suddenly having brown hair...but then again, who does in Archie Comics? Bingo Wilkin? St. Clair?




The Nick St. Clair

The writing: Anyone ever seen a Captain Planet cartoon now combine that with a Saved by the Bell episode and you get about where the writing is. A lot of the story focuses on Betty and she's in super goody mode so yeah, she's kind of flat and boring. Nearly every character save for Nick. St. Clair is flat and boring. I mean, you have a few moments but they are few and far between. Veronica is a cardboard cut out of herself, and save for the first few pages, she has no personality except "He's not bad! You just don't understand him" that we've all seen or read a million times. No dialogue really stands out to help distinguish the characters. You have one moment where Archie is clumsy but after that...he pretty much could be anyone from that point on.

And there so much exposition and stating the moral of the situation that I actually groaned. And let me explain my current situation: My Air and Central Heat is out, it's over eighty degrees...and Dilton going "Well, Nick St. Clair would be in better shape if he didn't skip classes" caused me physical pain. And it just keeps going from there. We get it, Nick St. Clair is baaaad. You don't need to go over and flat out tell us that for pages after the first gazillion times!

This comic was first a novel as you can tell because the pacing can be horrible at points. The story was really stretched out to make it four issues so a lot of scenes that should have had a few more panels of emphasis (like the boxing match or the very end) makes it feel flat. And that probably the origin of all the writing problems (Save one). In a novel, you do have to give detail, explain the emotions, give a history—but comics has a visual aspect where you don't need to do that. Like I said Steven Butler did a great job on art, but the script does not use him to make the comic better.

Should have switched the girls: There was something else that bothered me about this but I couldn't put my finger on it, then I realized something: Betty should have been the one dating St. Clair. Early on Betty was having self doubt about herself and how she stands in the triangle; even silently admitting that Veronica can be sweet as her, but might be more gorgeous. Wouldn't it be more interesting to see this bad boy with Betty? Betty being chosen over Veronica would work in the narrative that was set up earlier. Veronica tries to warn her, but she would see it as jealousy and maybe ruined newly built up confidence. Betty is always put outside of the moral dilemma (Like covering for Veronica and Nick going out and staying late) but since she's the main focus wouldn't it have made more sense for her to be in the dilemma. Like the essay, Nick wants her to write it but Betty would struggle between what is right and wrong. In the story we mainly follow Betty and she's the one who communicates the lessons and whose thoughts we see...but Veronica is dating Nick so the real interesting parts of the story are elsewhere away from the main character.

The art. I didn't recognize Prof. Flutesnoot or Coach Clayton at first. ....Well, I don't want come off like I'm JUST picking on the writing! J


The end: Off panel. Nick is sent to military school and tells Reggie he's sorry for the trouble he caused wants to be a better person. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Normally this would be where I talk about the 10 things I've learned from what I read, but for this...

THE TOP TEN EVIL NICK. ST. CLAIR MOMENTS!!!

Being from New Jersey.

• Yelling at Ms. Grundy
• His no regards for cafeteria and those in it (Cutting in line, swiping sandwiches without paying, and stealing Dilton's dessert! THE FIEND)
• Cheapshotting Archie after the bell had rung to end the boxing round
• Constantly making moves on Betty while dating Veronica (Veronica's rich, but he likes blonds)
• Sneaking into the movies
• Keeping Veronica out late at a club and forcing Betty to cover for them.
• The goatee and leatherjacket
• Having Veronica write his 2,000 word English Lit essay for him
• The chicken liver joke

 

This is interesting little problem. I really like the art aspects of the story—but I detest the writing. It's just not up to par. But you know what...I still kind of like this story. Mainly because of how over the top Nick St. Clair is. I just couldn't help but laugh at his antics. I see this trade like a bad movie almost. And like I said, I really like the art and coloring. I admit there are moments where you roll your eyes, but I think the good out ways the bad enough.

I'll go C+

And next week up on the docket is Jughead: Match—forget that, I'll review The Man from R.I.V.E.R.D.A.L.E instead.

 Love is such a wonderful thing—until the woman you love betrays you for your best friend, ruining years of friendship, burning a bridge that can never be repaired. Man, I'm going to miss watching NFL Games on that 70 in HD TV come Fall...

A misunderstanding has lead to the break-up of Riverdale's most true couple, Moose and Midge. Can Archie, Betty, and friends find a way to bring these two back together or drive them further apart.




The Good:

Moose and Midge: I really like when they get the focus of the story put on them without Betty going on and on about the message of the few pages. And the break-up is logical. Midge wanted to test her love while Moose didn't see  a need to; Midge wanted to hear the words steady, while Moose was of the mindset that he didn't have to say the words. These two hardly ever get any focus in the Archieverse so it was fun to have a story that centered around them. Both are likeable and well written. You don't really take a side because both had reasonable arguments and both are equally stubborn and prideful. You get backstory on how they fell in love and for how long. I understand they're not Archie or in the main cast, but if they had gotten more page time this would have been a much better story for it.

Good character moments from Archie and the gang. Yeah, they're normally boring and most of the fun characters (Veronica, Jughead, Reggie) don't get much page time like they should but you do have some good moments. Jughead relating how missing out on food is like feeling like it's a part of life you just missed, Veronica gets few pages, but she's super fun in them. Reggie is a cowardly rogue, Archie is clumsy and it factors into the story. My favorite would be the end in the dance club with Betty becoming jealous of Veronica and frustrated by her antics. Too bad most of the story is just Betty being boring and Archie following along.

Tod Smith: I like his art for the most part. Again the characters look like teenagers. I like how he draws Reggie. And I like some of the over exaggerated poses of Betty because—it's the few things I found interesting about her in this story. The body language for each character is spot on as Veronica just demands your attention while Jughead is slumped over. I really like how he draws Moose, almost like Frankenstein's monster. There is one problem: His Archie is kind of weird at points. But luckily Archie is normally with Betty so it's nice to be interested in something. Yes, Betty bores me this much in this story I'll take what I can get to find interesting moments.


The messages. I don't have a problem with stories giving a message. I think every story should have some lesson it was to convey. My problem is when you are beating the reader over and over and explaining it to them word by word without letting them put in the cognitive thought process on their own. And there are some good messages. Like sometimes you need to back off and let your friends work out their problems themselves. That's a good message. It's just that most messages in the New Look are teaching you a lesson instead of entertaining you. And, I got to be honest, I was used to Webb stories where Veronica is evil and Betty is super duper nice—it was nice where Veronica actually had the right idea compared to leave things be and let what happens happen. It was rare at the time.

Betty's cussing and overreactions. Seriously, she cussed in this?! I mean, it's censored but—at least it's funny to think of. And Betty's Home Alone pose when trouble happens or things backfire was funny. Seriously, if I was Tod Smith, and reading this script, I'd do stuff like this to have some fun when it comes to Betty in this story.


The Bad:

Betty: Exposition, exposition, tell the message, have no personalitttty...! That's her purpose in the story. She gives information on backstory, how long something has happened, we get to see what she is thinking and her thoughts. And for most of the story—yeah, she's as boring as you'd expect. And there's so much unnecessary information like how she worries about here feelings, or thinking something—and then a character tells the information. An example would be Rocco and the South side kids with her thining who they are and then Dilton and Jughead telling. And again it's the same problem of with Bad Boy Trouble—she's not involved in the crisis of the story, Moose and Midge is. Where we could have more focus on those two, we have Betty telling us what's going on and how we should feel.

The Writing. Just like Bad Boy Trouble you have really the same problem of this originally being a novel and it shows. It's unnecessarily wordy and the pacing can be just plain slow. And again it just beats you over the head with their messages that you just want to scream at points. And some of the dialogue—wow. We got some groan worthy stuff. And there's a point where Midge goes home, and the next page Midge's mother lectures Archie and Betty—how did Midge go over everything so fast?! She had to be in the house only ten seconds top! I mean I don't want to constantly harp on Melanie because she does some good things. Like Moose and Midge. When they get the focus or in the story it's really good. But key elements of the story are just not focused on. And I don't even know why Jughead was in this story at all. He serves no point and annoyed me all but once.

Characters that just exist. The Turner Twins are there to snitch about Midge's date with Reggie and then at the end...actually they didn't even need to be mentioned at all. Judy Johnson, whom Moose dates for a time, we don't really get much from her other than the standard boring new girl who a character falls for like you would in Save by the Bell. I guess I appreciate that she seemed really nice, but she's forgettable all the same.

Midge's hair: Okay, she has black hair on the cover, kinda redish purple, and brown...c'mon, we can do better than that! Stick with a hair color. I mean the rest of the coloring is fine, but this kind of thing is just inexcusable.



What I learned from reading this:

The Turner Twins are snitches.

• Rocco from the South Side, while a punk, has a pretty good memory as he remembers Archie from over a month ago.
• You can beat up whomever you want how badly...as long as it's in the boxing ring of the Riverdale Community Center
• Betty knows a cuss word
• Moose and Midge are the third best dancers in all of Riverdale with no practice together!
• No empty seats, sit on a lap!

 
How to get your two friends back together? Fake a leg cramp and act like you need rescuing.
 
C'mon, Midge—you and Moose WERE ON A BREAK!!!
 
When a woman dates another guy not her boyfriend; she's experimenting.
 
Detention Room Romance is the number one rom-com that all women subject their men to. Multiple times.
 
This is weird because when Moose and Midge are in the story, I really, really like it. It's fun, energetic. But then you have the parts where they're not and most of them are boring because Betty is the relation point for the reader to convey information...and she's so boring for the most part. But again, I consider art more important than writing (Sorry, Stan Lee). I liked the last New Series story because of how bad it's funny Nick St. Clair was but Moose and Midge were actually fun and relatable characters. I'll go B-
So we're at least improving when it comes to the New Look stories. So how bad can MatchMakers possibly be?

 Mission: To read Man From R.I.V.E.R.D.A.L.E.
Objectives:
Speak of the good

• Speak of the bad
• Try not to ham up the summary

 

Archie Andrews is your typical ham-fisted, clumsy teen—that is until his cousin Andy comes for a visit. Turns out Andy is an agent of P.O.P (Protect Our Planet) and is on a mission to stop C.R.U.S.H. (Criminal Recruits United to Spread Havoc) who has aligned with old foe Mad Doctor Doom. With P.O.P. neutralized and Riverdale dazed, can Archie becomes THE MAN FROM R.I.V.E.R.D.A.L.E. and save the day?

Two out of three isn't bad.

The Good.

The Writing. Tom DeFalco provides us with the script and he knocks it out of the park. Every character is distinguishable. Archie sounds like Archie and even though he's the hero he still has his traditional moments of going gaga for girls and being clumsy. Jughead is Jughead. And I swear, Chuck is actually interesting and is part of one of the funniest moments near the end of the story. I could pick out a word balloon and you can guess pretty accurately who it came from. The story flows and is packed with little tidbits. This is a fun story that balances comedy and tension really world. The heroes were behind most of the time and had to work to overcome the villain in typical fun Archie fashion. And you can tell, DeFalco loves the old school stories and it really brought Mad Doctor Doom to life. I'll be honest, I was never a fan of the spy stories, but I really enjoyed this story. It's funny, it has a great story, and an imaginative end. I can't do this justice, it's great writing from Tom DeFalco.

The art: It's Fernando Ruiz so, yeah, naturally this will be awesome. This story is just great to look at. Everything is well done: The characters, the settings, buildings. You can tell he was just having a blast with this story. And I love all the background events. And this story is packed with them! An alien hiding in a garbage bin and later trying to escape a few pages later to teenagers doing stupid stuff, everything you could want is there to make you go back and see what you missed. You see a good slew of Archie favorite characters...and Raj (tee-hee I kid, I kid). And it's nice to see more Ruiz favorite characters get panel time because it's usually Parent favored characters in most comics. You even get to see Raj's dad. The Walking Dazed walk like zombies, characters have their own body language (like Chester and his fixation with his hair and looks). This story really competes with Cyrano Jones, which I considered his best work. Note the past tense because we have a new number one.


Archie: Have you ever heard of the term, "For every wall there is a door"? If you haven't it means that if you wait, keep trying, and endure, you'll eventually breakthrough. That's Archie in the story. He's told he can't do this, he's not ready, he's not good enough, but he just won't quit. When his friends are in trouble he picks himself off the ground and goes back for more. He's outclassed by the villains who have the numbers, the plan, and everything else, but Archie wins through determination and a bit of luck. You still have the traditional going gaga over the girls and being a clutz, but when things get serious, it's believable for Archie to step up to fight back. Even most people who don't like Archie will find him likeable in this story. He's just a great hero. And the growth is great, Andy keeps telling he can't and near the end when Andy tells him to let the professionals handle it now, Archie's response: "Yeah! They've been doing a great job so far!" If you like Archie's Weird Mysteries or the older stories where Archie has to step up to foil a robbery or catch a thief this Archie is for you.




The Villains: A hero is only as good as his villains and the bad guys in this story are really good. Mad Doctor Doom is great. He has a great look, he poses an actual threat to the heroes, and he's intelligent. I love when Chester comments how C.R.U.S.H. can take over the world with the daze formula and the next panel is Mad Doctor Doom shifts his eyes.  He's the perfect mix of goofy looking and scary.

Sharry the Spy Girl. I've seen Ruiz draw her in a few stories and I never got why he liked her so much. Well, now I do. She's a fun character. Again, she's intelligent and poses a threat, but she's distinguished from Mad Doctor Doom in her playfulness (her trolling of Reggie must be seen, it's so hilarious), she's loyal to her fellow agents, and she does have enough grasp on morality when circumstances get out of hand that she'll help the good guys.


The rest of the villains are fun. Crammer and Cranston are the typical goons, but they aren't total idiots and Crammer has a fun accent. They're not on the level of Mad Doctor Doom or Sharry, but they are at least capable and even when they blunder it benefits the villains. Chester is a good sidekick to Mad Doctor Doom...but man he kinda got creepy with the captured Betty and Veronica. I'm talking Archie Comics TMNT and MM Null level of ick. But it does help him stand out.

The inker, lettering, and coloring. Rich Koslowski is one of Archie's better inkers and he really helps bring out Ruiz's art and help give it an extra spring. Jack Morelli really steps up his game with his work especially when he colors and boldens the story. I hate when word balloons have colors around them, but here they make sense like with the security system for P.O.P. and Archie's reaction and I like how words are enlarged and colored to show their importance like Mad Doctor Doom when his name is first mentioned and when he later goes over the name of his plan to take over the world. Tom Chu does a great job with the coloring, the colors are bright and fun, I like the tint of purple he gave the dazed characters. He made me not miss Barry Grossman and if you know me that's an accomplishment.

Extras: We get an old timey story in traditional newspaper strip with Andy Andrews is a fun little story. Words from Tom DeFalco and Fernado Ruiz and art and sketches where Ruiz and what his ideas where and what changed and why.


The Bad.

A little explanation on Lil' Archie and Mad Doctor Doom's history would have helped: If you're a new reader to Archie Comics or not familiar or a fan of Lil' Archie you'll probably wonder what's up with Mad Doctor Doom not liking Archie and deeming him a threat to ruin his plan over everything else. I think a panel or two explaining and showing what has happened in the past would have benefited the readers.

Crammer's accent comes and goes: Vat is up vith that? Okay, it was just two times...I gotta fill the section out somehow!!

Something bad about the art. Okay to be fair I should find something Ruiz did wrong... I don't like how he made me feel about Beazley.

What I learned.

If you twirl round 'n' round like Wonder Woman you can disguise yourself as anyone

• A teenager and his friends >>>> all our government's agencies including their secret ones
• Tough Teddy transferred to Riverdale High.
• All bookstores are the cover for hidden secret organizations.
• Never hire and fund an evil scientist for any project that involves easy means to take over the world
• Spies get all the cool toys
• Chicken soup cures everything
• Bad girl spies are hot
• So that's who the Riverdale Bulldog Mascot is!
• Honorary Agents of P.O.P. are color coded like any teenage group of heroes.

 




This is probably the best Archie story I've read. I can't think of anything that can go against it. Everything just clicks from the writing to the art to the coloring to the lettering to the inking. It's all great. I can't really think of any Archie story that comes close to this one. And that's not counting the great extras. This an A+ and you should buy this story.  You won't regret it.