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Funniest archie stories

Started by achernar, September 01, 2016, 06:13:29 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

achernar

Which story have you read are the funniest?

BettyReggie

September 01, 2016, 07:23:52 PM #1 Last Edit: September 02, 2016, 09:01:19 AM by BettyReggie
I remember one story when Archie had a fake earring on. And everyone thought he looked so cool. Reggie was jealous of Archie. Reggie went to get both ears piereced. And next day Reggie saw that Archie had no earring in his ears. Reggie was really mad about it.

steveinthecity

I don't recall the exact story, but it's been reprinted in the last year or so.  In it Veronica is bragging about her exclusive high end boots and the leather was made so soft as a result of being gummed by toothless old women.  There's loads of stories where I'm just cracked up by a random panel.

On a related note anyone who has a chance to read old Bob Montana(dailies or comics) will notice that Montana had an enormous gag to panel ratio.  A four panel daily might contain three verbal gags for instance. Maybe not all fall-down funny, but causing one to smirk every couple seconds makes reading those worthwhile.
Comics!

DeCarlo Rules

September 02, 2016, 04:06:53 AM #3 Last Edit: September 02, 2016, 05:07:06 AM by DeCarlo Rules
Quote from: BettyReggie on September 01, 2016, 07:23:52 PM
I remember one story when Archie had a fake earring on. And everyone thought he looked so cool. Reggie was jealous of Archie. Reggie went to get both ears piereced. And next day Reggie saw that Archie had no earring in his ears. Reggie was really mad about it.

That's like the one where Archie decides that the shaved-head look is the new thing, but he's hesitant so he gets a fake rubber scalp piece and just wears that. Reggie sees Archie, and doesn't want to let him get the jump on him by being the trendiest, so he goes straight to the barber and gets his head shaved. Then it turns out that whatever girl it was that Archie was trying to impress is over her infatuation with the skinhead look, so he ditches the bald wig a day or two later, and Reggie's stuck with a shaved head. I think there was another similar story where B&V both got their hair styled short, so Archie and Reggie went and grew their hair long, but the girls laughed, so they went the opposite way and got crew-cuts, which the girls hated too, but of course they were stuck with them.

The funniest stories usually have something to do with Archie coming up with some scheme to impress or get a date with some new girl, which backfires on him, or scheming a way to date some girl without Betty or Veronica knowing about it, then the plan backfires in such a way that both B&V find out and are furious with him, and he never even got to date the new girl anyway. Those are the best, when Archie gets some kind of karmic payback for being a devious little weasel. This is just a good bare-bones skeletal plot on which to hang an Archie short. Depending on the length of the story, some additional comedy can be milked from the situation by involving Jughead as Archie's accomplice and collaborator in whatever mad, convoluted scheme Archie has cooked up. Jughead's involvement pretty much always follows the same rules for his character:  1) Jughead feels morally obligated to register his protest to this incredibly bad idea of Archie's, and insist that he doesn't want to be part of it.  2) Archie begs, pleads, wheedles, and Jughead gives in, because as his best friend, he feels beholden to comply with Archie's requests against his better judgement. Of course, before embarking, Jughead is also obligated by his conscience to attempt to sway Archie by pointing out what an incredibly stupid idea it is, and that no good can come of it. Archie remains unmoved by this attempt to appeal to his sanity as always.  3) Jughead can now stand by with a certain detachment, as he knows exactly how things are going to play out, having been through this same basic routine, with variations, dozens of times.  4) At every stage of the plot development along the way, Jughead feels obligated to point out again how bad and stupid an idea this is, and request that Archie just abandon the whole scheme -- but this doesn't abrogate his responsibility (as his best friend) to comply with Archie's wishes, and he's resigned to play his little role and watch it play out in the end, exactly the way he knows it will.  5) At the end of the story, Archie's far worse off than before he got himself into this situation, but Jughead doesn't feel the need to remind Archie that he told him so, because he knows it will happen all over again the next time Archie gets some crazy idea stuck in his head. Even though it sounds really formulaic to lay it all out like that, I never tire of this kind of story, and the simple variation of details on top of this basic skeleton keeps it interesting, and always satisfying and funny at the conclusion.

steveinthecity

Quote from: DeCarlo Rules on September 02, 2016, 04:06:53 AM
Quote from: BettyReggie on September 01, 2016, 07:23:52 PM
I remember one story when Archie had a fake earring on. And everyone thought he looked so cool. Reggie was jealous of Archie. Reggie went to get both ears piereced. And next day Reggie saw that Archie had no earring in his ears. Reggie was really mad about it.

That's like the one where Archie decides that the shaved-head look is the new thing, but he's hesitant so he gets a fake rubber scalp piece and just wears that. Reggie sees Archie, and doesn't want to let him get the jump on him by being the trendiest, so he goes straight to the barber and gets his head shaved. Then it turns out that whatever girl it was that Archie was trying to impress is over her infatuation with the skinhead look, so he ditches the bald wig a day or two later, and Reggie's stuck with a shaved head. I think there was another similar story where B&V both got their hair styled short, so Archie and Reggie went and grew their hair long, but the girls laughed, so they went the opposite way and got crew-cuts, which the girls hated too, but of course they were stuck with them.
There was another story reprinted not long ago where Betty & Veronica switched hair colors and the boys were so flummoxed they turned the tables by all wearing red hair Archie-type wigs(even Pop Tate!).
Comics!

achernar

There was a story where Betty has a gift-wrapping business for Christmas which she asked archie's help. When betty and archie came down with a flu, they managed to get Veronica to cover for them. Veronica forgets to place labels on the gift which she ends up randomly placing greeting cards on them. Hilarity ensured from the foul-up when everyone opens their presents on Christmas day.

irishmoxie

My favorites are when Archie goes on dates with multiple girls on the same night.

BettyReggie

September 03, 2016, 12:12:09 PM #7 Last Edit: September 03, 2016, 09:07:41 PM by BettyReggie
Here's a funny Veronica story. It's called Sew What?. I found it in Archie's 1000 Page Comics Blowout. Betty vists Veronica one day. Both Veronica & her father are love her new outfit. She tells them both she sewed it. Veronica's Father has a plan , he wants his daughter to learn to sew & make clothes so he can save money. But it backfires. The jacket she makes him is just awful. So he just gives up & she going back to shopping with his credit cards.

steveinthecity

Quote from: irishmoxie on September 03, 2016, 11:37:18 AM
My favorites are when Archie goes on dates with multiple girls on the same night.
I suspect you share large company on that point.   :D
Comics!

Asdfghjkl

The very first Archie series that I read was Archie's Weird Mysteries and, to me, it had some of the funniest Archie stories around.  The best and funniest one had to be in issue 5.  In this story, Archie still thinks that the Quorkanator (can't remember if it's called that or not) malfunction was what caused all of the strange things going on in Riverdale.  So, when Dilton admits that he built a working time machine, Archie decides to use it to travel back to the day of the malfunction.  Dilton agrees on one condition... Archie has to set him up on a date with Veronica.  Archie agrees and he, Jughead, Dilton, Betty, Veronica, Reggie, and Moose jump in the time machine.  But thanks to Reggie trying to pull a prank during the trip, the time space continuum is completely altered.  Now, Archie and his friends are trapped in middle aged bodies (Archie's fat, bald, & has a mustache; Jughead has a beard; Reggie has a gut with a mustache; Betty and Veronica look like typical middle aged women etc) and their parents and teachers are teenagers.   There's a lot of role switched comedy in the story.  Especially, with Veronica's reaction to being old and Betty trying to use her babysitting skills on Ms. Grundy.  In the end, with the help of Flutesnoot, everything is returned to normal as Dilton takes a shocked Veronica on a date.

DeCarlo Rules

There's a pretty funny Betty & Veronica story (Doyle/DeCarlo, 6 pages, has to be early '60s) in WORLD OF ARCHIE ANNUAL #62 called "Change For The Better". The story starts with Veronica trying to cajole Betty to take Archie off her hands (apparently they had a pre-arranged date already) so that she can sneak off and date some "Major" that she met from Milltown Military Academy, but Betty refuses to be a party to Veronica's scheme by keeping Archie occupied on a date under these circumstances. "I'd date Archie, but NOT to help you practice deceit!", she declares. Then Veronica departs to "start the Lodge machinery in motion".

There's a really eyebrow-raising panel at the bottom of page 2 where Veronica inveigles Daddykins to do her bidding. He's sitting up straight on the couch, while she's sinuously curled up like a cat alongside him, toying with his hair. "Daddykins, would you do me an itsy bitsy favor?" she coos, with musical notes. His eyes are bugged out and he's got this ear-to-ear grin of idiocy on his face, with little fizzing dots circling his head like Alka-Seltzer dissolving -- and the word D-UH! is hanging in the air near his head. You really have to see it to appreciate it, but the overall effect here implies something outside of a normal father-daughter relationship. I'm really surprised this panel wasn't somehow altered for this reprint. "What do YOU think?" he replies.

The upshot of Ronnie's manipulation is that she's next seen presenting Jughead with two tickets to tonight's sold-out fight at the auditorium. She obviously expects Juggie to take Archie with him, but he tells her he's asking Reggie to go with him. "Shucks! I couldn't ask ARCH! He's got a date with YOU! Wouldn't THAT be a dirty trick, after you've been so GOOD to me?" Stalking off dejectedly after her plan for Jughead fails, Veronica bumps into Betty again. Suddenly another inspiration strikes her -- "Say, maybe that's the ANSWER! I'll put on a BIG ACT for him! I'll make him think I'm not worth going out with! I'll be MEAN, CRUEL, and SELFISH! VICIOUS, COLD and CYNICAL! Do you think it will work?" Betty spreads her palms, looking uncertain. "I don't know!" says Betty, "But first tell me ... What kind of BIG ACT are you going to put on for him?"   :2funny:

SAGG

Quote from: BettyReggie on September 01, 2016, 07:23:52 PM
I remember one story when Archie had a fake earring on. And everyone thought he looked so cool. Reggie was jealous of Archie. Reggie went to get both ears piereced. And next day Reggie saw that Archie had no earring in his ears. Reggie was really mad about it.
There was the same exact story I recall, but a mohawk haircut was substituted instead of the earring. Gotta love those recycled Archie stories... :2funny:

SAGG

Quote from: steveinthecity on September 02, 2016, 01:50:39 AM

On a related note anyone who has a chance to read old Bob Montana(dailies or comics) will notice that Montana had an enormous gag to panel ratio.  A four panel daily might contain three verbal gags for instance. Maybe not all fall-down funny, but causing one to smirk every couple seconds makes reading those worthwhile.
Got some these Classic Archies in my gallery. They're easy to spot, since they're the only black and white entries...

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