Panel one: Setting is the living room of the Lodge Mansion as someone is knocking on the front door. Veronica is getting up off the sofa as she is reading a Dazzle Magazine while drinking a diet soda and begins to head towards the door. Mr. Smithers looks like he was going to answer as he crunches his knuckles.
Knock Knock Knock-knock-knock
Smithers: I do believe that bothersome hammering belongs to one Master Andrews. Sigh, I had hoped to go a day without straining my back so…
Panel two: Veronica dashes in front of Smithers as Smithers looks confused but is compliant.
Veronica: Oh, not this time Smithers! Daddy, actually invited Archiekins over this time!
Panel three: Veronica opens the door as Archie and Jughead wait outside. Archie is wearing a flannel jacket and overalls. Jughead is wearing a dirty jacket and dirty jeans and a long sleeve shirt with a mustard stain on it. Archie is happy as he shows off his flannel jacket like it means he is a real lumberjack while Jughead is behind responding.
Archie: Hello, my love! Here comes your handsome lumberjack!
Panel one: Veronica is rolling her eyes playfully as Archie rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
Veronica: I don’t think busting up that one, already cut up, tree that fell on our property makes you a lumberjack, Archiekins.
Panel two: Jughead chimes in as Veronica glares at him.
Jughead: Sheesh, Ronnie, if your gardener was going to give us a head start, he should have just finished it, too!
Panel three: Veronica steps forward and jabs a finger at Jughead’s nose as Archie tries to step in between them to try and calm the situation. Jughead’s nose folds like an accordion from the finger poke.
Veronica: How about I tell you to get lost, and let your family freeze the rest of the winter!!
Archie: Now, now…! Let’s not let the innocent suffer!
Panel four: Veronica leans against the door frame as she is calming down. Jughead is straightening out his nose
Veronica: Besides, Mr. Greentree sprained his back cutting up the tree--and daddy thought one of my friends could use firewood.
Archie: That’s because you have a heart of gold, Ronnie.
Jughead: And an index finger made of steel…
Panel five: Archie and Jughead begin to walk away as Archie waves goodbye to Veronica. Archie seems amped up to get to busting wood while Jughead drags behind and not looking one bit forward to the hard work.
Archie: Anyway, we’ll get to work, and be done in a few minutes!
Jughead: …I still say everyone could have just worn sweaters all the time…
Panel one: Archie and Jughead are at the fallen tree as it has been cut into five pieces about eighty pounds each. In front of the tree is a log splitter (ground version), a crowbar, and a first aid kid.
Archie: Yowza! You could build a small house with these logs!!
Jughead: Yeah. Some woodland creatures lost their condominium.
Panel two: Archie and Jughead are standing in front of the log splitter as Archie is over the blade of the log splitter as he is looking over the first aid kit in confusion.
Archie: I don’t get it, Jug. I get the crowbar, and glad for the log splitter but, why the first aid kit?
Archie: The worse that could happen is a splinter!
Panel three: Archie begins to trip over his feet as he falls towards the blade of the log splitter. Jughead reacts and races for Archie.
Panel four: Jughead grabs Archie by his jacket and stops him by inches hitting his head against the blade of the log splitter.
Panel five: Jughead is still holding onto Archie as Archie holds back the first aide kit to show to Jughead as he takes a sigh of relief.
Jughead: Any other questions?
Archie: You think this one kit will have enough bandages for the both of us?
Panel one: A close-up on Archie and half of the log as he is straining to push one of the logs.
Archie: C’mon! Jugster! You and me can do it!!
Panel two: Archie is straining even more as his face has gone bright red and sweat is pouring down his face.
Archie: The power of team work---! That’s how we’ll move this wooden behemoth--!!
Panel three: Pull out more to see that Archie has just noticed that he is the only one trying to move the log as Jughead is not in the scene.
Archie: Mind over matter--!! Right, Jughead…?
Panel four: Archie turns around to see Jughead sitting on one of the other logs as Archie begins to walk towards the crowbar.
Jughead: Right. And while my body is not, my thoughts are with you absolutely.
Archie: If you knew what I was thinking right now, you’d get up and start helping push that log!!
Panel one: Both Archie and Jughead strain as they finally push the log on the log splitter as both put their backs and shoulders to it.
Archie: GOT IT!!
Panel two: Archie and Jughead are panting heavily as they look at the log on the log splitter. Archie has a look of tired pride while Jughead looks like he’d rather have a root canal with a rake than do this again as he breathes out cold air.
Archie: Huff Huff. Nothing to it, right, Jughead?
Jughead: Nothing is what if feel in my extremities, Arch.
Panel three: Jughead looks back at the other logs as Archie wonders what is wrong with Jughead. Jughead inhales as he looks like he’s been asked to move a mountain with these last logs.
Archie: Hey, something wrong?
Panel four: Jughead waves off the log on the log splitter as he walks away and decides to quit. Archie clenches his fists and his eyes follow Jughead.
Jughead: Hypothermia has been heavily discriminated against. Jellybean has warm, cuddly dolls to snuggle for heat, and I can just stick my head in the oven.
Panel five: Archie grabs Jughead by the back coat collar and pulls him back as Jughead sticks out his tongue as he is being choked by the sudden jerk.
Archie: The tree is giving, and you’re going to take it!!
Panel one: Jughead is at the lever of the wood splitter as he bends over. He looks over his shoulder at the off panel Archie as is at the other end of the log splitter. Jughead is pulling the piston rod back
Jughead: Okay, you sure you’re ready?
Panel two: Jughead pulls the lever back as the rod piston goes forward.
Archie off-panel: I’ve got it steady. Let’er rip!
Panel three: Jughead turns his head as he calmly reacts to Archie’s off-panel plight as he pulls the lever back to retract the piston rod.
Archie off-panel: YOWWWW!!!
Jughead: Had your hand in the way of that metal plate pushing the log, huh?
Panel four: A view of Archie as Archie is holding his swollen hand and jumping up and down in pain as he obviously had his hand in the way of the piston rod and had it smashed. Jughead is beginning to stand up as he looks towards the first aid kit.
Archie: OW! OW! OW!
Jughead: I’ll just get the first aid kit.
Panel one: Jughead and Archie finally have the log split in half as Jughead tells Archie they are going to split the half still on the log splitter.
Jughead: Okay, let’s split it again!
Panel two: The half of the log is being split as Archie looks over at Jughead in confusion.
Jughead: Again! And again! And again three times more…!
Archie: Are you sure?
Panel three: A shot of the lever going back and forth rapidly to show how Jughead keeps splitting the log.
Panel four: Jughead looks over as Archie angrily stands by a pile of thin sticks that Jughead had him reduce the half log to as the other half is on the other side of the log splitter. Jughead seems happy.
Jughead: Perfect! Now it’ll be easier to load!
Panel five: Jughead is running and shielding his head as Archie has a bundle of sticks in on hand as he begins throwing them at Jughead.
Jughead: Okay! Okay! We’ll make them a tad bigger from now on!
Panel one: A long on the on the blade of the log splitter is stuck as Archie motions for Jughead to stop and come over.
Archie: Whoa! Hold up, Jug! This piece is stuck!
Panel two: Jughead and Archie strain to pulls the log free as it is just wedge and will not budge. Archie looks over at the crowbar on the ground.
Jughead: This is worse than trying to pry Ethel off of me--!
Panel three: Archie is coming back with the crowbar as he motions for Jughead to get out of the way.
Archie: Out of the way! I’ll get it!
Panel four: Archie uses the crowbar under the wood, and pushes too hard as he slips and sends the log flying into the sky as Jughead puts his hand over his eyes lids to better see the log soar in the air.
Jughead: Huh. If flying wood falls and no one is around does it make a sound?
Panel five: A shot inside the Lodge Mansion as Mr. Lodge is in his study reading a newspaper as the log suddenly crashes into a nearby window and startles him as he tosses the newspaper in the air and begins to topple over in his chair.
Mr. Lodge: !!!
Panel six: Archie and Jughead listen as they hear Mr. Lodge scream. Archie hangs his head in shame.
ARCHIE ANDREWS, YOU NITWIT!!!
Archie: I never like hearing that sound…
Panel one: Behind Jughead and Archie is a pile of wood they have split and thrown behind them as the look on proudly.
Archie: Look at what the two of us managed to do! We should be proud of what we accomplished!
Jughead: We should be happy it’s over.
Panel two: Archie stretches out his arms and flexes his muscles as Jughead actually seems to be inspired by Archie’s speech.
Archie: Jug, we pushed logs like real men did! We split wood and pried it with our own hands. These hands right here!
Panel three: Archie looks at the palm of his hands as his face begins to turn pale.
Archie: Say…? Is that blood…?
Panel four: Archie falls over and faints as Jughead looks on.
Panel five: Jughead begins to take a nap right next to the unconscious Archie. Archie is flat on his back with his legs and arms sticking straight up in the air. Jughead is using a piece of log as a pillow and has his arms folded over the back of his head.
Jughead: Yeah, this manly man could use a nap, too!
Panel one: Veronica is putting on her jacket as she prepares to go outside.
Veronica: Archie and Jughead should be about done. I’ll go get Rawley to get one of our trucks so they can load the wood.
Panel two: Veronica puts an index finger to her lips as she looks up and begins to think.
Veronica: Wait a second…
Veronica: Why don’t I surprise the boys and drive down myself?
Panel three: Veronica is heading into one of the Lodge garages as she skips inside happily.
Veronica: I’ve never driven a stick before, but how hard can it be?
Panel four: A shot of the garage as everything is still.
Panel five: A red truck backs out in a zoom, drives into the yard recklessly and marks up the yard as it continues on its way.
Panel six: Archie and Jughead are sitting on the stump that the tree left when it fell as Archie rolls up his jacket and looks at his watch. Jughead reacts to a loud noise ahead of them.
Archie: I told Ronnie to send the truck right around this time…
Jughead: Um, is that what Mother Nature sounds like when she goes, “OW”?
Panel one: Archie and Jughead run up a hill to see what the nose was. As they run, several woodland creatures (rabbits, foxes, squirrels, mice, deer, and even a bear) run down the hill just to the right side. Archie focuses straight ahead as Jughead turns to notice the animals.
Archie: C’mon, Jug, let’s see what made that noise!!
Panel two: Archie and Jughead are at the top of the hill as they Veronica standing next a now wrecked truck that has ran into and knocked over a large oak tree. Veronica, trying to act calm and casual about the situation, is standing and motioning the tree to the boys as they react in shock. Several rabbits and squirrels are on tree and truck as they examine everything. A deer is looking at the tree and truck and breathing a sigh of relief that that is not him. Archie and Jughead react in surprise with both jumping off their feet.
Veronica: Archie, Jughead…
Veronica: This should do you both for years! You’re both very welcome, now go to the shed, get the ax, and get to work!
Archie and Jughead: !!!