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Archie in Royal Pain

Started by PTF, May 08, 2016, 09:42:14 pm

Previous topic - Next topic


 Story I did long ago, but never posted. I think I didn't like how I wrote Mr. Lodge is why I never posted it. Also, I'm pretty sure I had just watched Beauty and the Beast. :)

(Inside the Lodge Manson, Archie and Veronica are watching a sixty foot HD TV attached to the wall. Mr. Lodge is coming into the living are looking displeased as Veronica has herself draped over Archie. Archie seem to be more interested in the TV as he has the remote held out in one hand.)

Veronica: So what do you think, Archiekins?

Archie: About this TV? When people say that their flat screen TV is like being in a movie theater, you're the only one who can mean it.

(Veronica turns Archie's head around to her as Archie blushes as he looks in her eyes.)

Veronica: Don't be silly. The movie theater is in the west wing.

Veronica: I was talking about my eyes.

Archie: Well, um...wow!

(Mr. Lodge gets closer as he glares at Archie with disgust.)

Veronica: Anything else you like?

Archie: Well, there's that cute nose...

Veronica: The best money can buy.

(Archie is leaning in closer as he and Veronica begin to kiss.)

Archie: And those ruby red lips.

Veronica: And do you know what they're saying.

(Mr. Lodge sticks his head over the couch. This startles Archie, who jumps away from Veronica and the remote control flies out of his head.)

Mr. Lodge: Get away from my daughter, you crimson, freckled plague!

Archie: AHHHH

Veronica: Daddy!

(The remote crashes into the screen leaving a hole in it.)


(All three look at the damaged screen.)

(The next shout is Archie looking guilty as Mr. Lodge look daggers in to him. Veronica lies over the couch with her head on the pillar as she looks depressed.)

Archie: Heh. I guess it is  can't miss TV

Lodge: You--you--!

Veronica: sigh.

(Mr. Lodge shouting.)

Mr. Lodge: SMITHERS!!!

(Smithers suddenly appears beside Mr. Lodge.)

Smithers: Yes, Master Lodge?

(Mr. Lodge points at Archie.)

Mr. Lodge: See him?

Smithers: Yes.

(Mr. Lodge points at the TV as his hand is shaking with rage.)

Mr. Lodge: See that?

Smithers: Yes.

Mr. Lodge: A small hole or an even bigger one, the repair cost will be the same.

(Smithers has hold of Archie and prepares to hurl him into the TV. Veronica races to stop Smithers as Mr. Lodge is thinking hard about what to do.)

Archie: I was already drawn in by the TV, I don't need to be thrown, sir!

Veronica: Daddy! You stop this right now!

Mr. Lodge: Well...

(Mr. Lodge points to the door as Smithers carries a helpless Archie out.)

Mr. Lodge: Smithers, Code A.

Archie: Code A?

Smithers: Yes, Master Andrews. It's new policy in the Lodge Estate.

(Archie is thrown outside the property as Lodge Estate Gate closes behind Archie)

Archie: OW!

(Archie is pulling himself up as he looks contemptuously.)

Archie: That feels like the old policy to me!

(Veronica is arguing with Mr. Lodge as Mr. Lodge straightens out his tie.)

Veronica: Daddy, how can you treat poor Archie like that?

Mr. Lodge: I saw him trying to kiss you.

(Veronica yells at her father who yells back.)

Veronica: I wanted him too!

Mr. Lodge: Well you shouldn't because you can do better!

(Veronica has her arms folded as she turns away from her father. Mr. Lodge adjusts his glasses.)

Mr. Lodge: Veronica, why don't you give some of the other boys you date more of your time?

Veronica: The only reason I give most of them the time of day is to make Archie jealous.

(Mr. Lodge points at Veronica who turns her head away and sticks her nose straight up.)

Mr. Lodge: Take it from me, Archie Andrews is a bad life investment!

Veronica: Hmph.

(Veronica begins to leave the room as her mother comes in.)

Veronica: Mummsiekins, tell father I will not speak to him again. EVER.

Mrs. Lodge: ?!

(Mrs. Lodge looks inside the room to see Mr. Lodge glaring at the broken TV as he motions towards it.)

Mrs. Lodge: Oh, Archie was just here.

Mr. Lodge: And just! Another minute or two and he could have leveled the entire wing!

(Mrs. Lodge walks over to who husband who is shaking his head.)

Mr. Lodge: I just don't understand why our sweet Veronica is so infatuated with that boy.

Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, accidents happen.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Mrs. Lodge as he is red around his cheeks.)

Mr. Lodge: It's not just that!!

Mr. Lodge: He's good for nothing! He's a poor student, he has no ambition, and he has not a single plan for the future.

Mrs. Lodge: I disagree.

(Mrs. Lodge begins to talk as Mr. Lodge reluctantly listens.)

Mrs. Lodge: He's still a young man with time still on his side. He's just your average, typical American boy.

Mr. Lodge: Well, my Veronica deserves the best. Not average.

(Mr. Lodge begins to think.)

Mr. Lodge: No not average. She deserves to be treated...like a princess.

Mrs. Lodge: Hiram, I haven't seen that look in your eye since your accusation of L&L Licensing that made you nearly five hundred million.

(Mr. Lodge reaches into his inside suit pocket for his cell phone.)

Mr. Lodge: While on my trip to the small country of Soalmania, I met the king and he was looking for the perfect bride for his son...

(Mrs. Lodge grabs his hand, placing her hand over the cellphone.)

Mrs. Lodge: But Hiram, I thought one of the reasons for Veronica attending public school was for her to learn humility. And now you want her to become a princess.

Mr. Lodge: It's only a small island and she knows all she can about humility just by being with that klutz.

(Mr. Lodge is heartfelt as he talks to his wife.)

Mr. Lodge: Honey, I just want Veronica to have the very best and someone to take care of her when I'm gone.

Mrs. Lodge: You make it seem like you only have months to live...

(Mrs. Lodge removes her hand.)

Mrs. Lodge: But I understand.

(Mrs. Lodge begins to leave the room as Mr. Lodge is on his cellphone.)

Mrs. Lodge: But I also know true love wins out in the end.

Mr. Lodge: Yes, this is Hiram Lodge and I want to make a long distance call to this private line--

(It is a few days later as Smithers is holding a door open for Archie in one the Lodges many main room as Veronica runs and hugs him)

Caption: A few days later.

Smithers: Master Andrews.

Veronica: Archiekins!

Archie: Ronnie!

(Ronnie is hugging Archie as Archie has a puzzled expression on his face.)

Archie: I'm just glad you called me to come over when your dad wasn't here.

Veronica: Archie, I didn't call you and daddy has just come back from his trip.

(Mr. Lodge walks into the room in good cheer as Archie and Veronica seem confused.)

Mr. Lodge: I am. In fact, I'm the one who told Smithers to invite you over.

(Archie has a nervous expression as Mr. Lodge slaps Archie across his back.)

Archie: I don't think I like the expression where this is heading, sir.

Mr. Lodge: Oh, but I will once you walk out these doors forever.

(Mr. Lodge extends his hand towards the door way as Prince Gaston is standing there. He is adjourned with a jewel laced crown, a red and purple robe with his family crest embedded on the upper right and wearing a fancy suit. He is incredibly handsome with an above average physique for his age.)

Mr. Lodge: I would like you to meet Prince Gaston, heir to Soalmania.

(Archie begins to talk as Mr. Lodge responds. Veronica has a blank expression on her face as she looks at Prince Gaston, who is sticking his nose up in the air as he looks at Smithers.)

Archie: We studied Soalmania in school. It's a small island that recently discovered it had the largest diamond mine in the world.

Mr. Lodge: I know. I invested in the equipment and mining and my company is solely responsible for all exports of diamonds.

(Archie looks intimidated as Mr. Lodge looks over him to Veronica who still has that blank expression.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, he's extremely wealthy, handsome, athletic, and available.

Mr. Lodge: Veronica, what do you think.

Veronica: I think...I think...

(Veronica grabs Archie's hand and begins to walk away from her father. Archie gives Mr. Lodge a "I don't understand it either" motion with his shoulders and hands as he is dragged by the heels of his shoes.)

Veronica: I think Archie and me better hurry and leave you to your business.

Mr. Lodge: ?!

(Mr. Lodge walks in front of Veronica. Smithers seems to be annoyed by Prince Gaston.)

Mr. Lodge: He isn't here for business, he's here for recreation, to see how we Americans live.

Prince Gaston: Dreadfully from the air port to here.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Veronica as a perplexed Archie looks on. Prince Gaston is yawning.)

Mr. Lodge: I promised his father that you would show him around.

Veronica: But daddy, I was thinking Archie and I could go to the beach and surf--

(Mr. Lodge whispers into Veronica's ear as Archie enviously looks at Veronica.)

Mr. Lodge whispering: You said you dated other boys to make Archie jealous, what do you think being accompanied by a prince will do?

(Veronica looks at Prince Gaston who winks at Veronica.)

(Veronica looks over at Archie who doesn't take kindly to it as his fists are clinched.)

Veronica: Hmmm...

(Veronica walks over to Prince Gaston. She extends one hand, palm down as she brushes her hair back with her other hand.)

Veronica: It would be an honor for Veronica Lodge to show you around quaint Riverdale.

(Gaston takes her hand and kisses it.)

Prince Gaston: From what little I've seen, only you maybe the only beauty in this wretched city. I would love to have you as close to my side as possible.

(Archie is red with rage as his fists are clenched and his shoulders slumped. Mr. Lodge walks over to him.)

Mr. Lodge: I know you're upset, my dear boy, but look at them--

(Mr. Lodge motions towards Veronica as she smiles and talks with Prince Gaston. Archie looks on desolately.)

Mr. Lodge: An heiress and a prince. They just seem to go perfectly together.

(Mr. Lodge talks with Archie who takes Mr. Lodge's words extremely hard.)

Mr. Lodge: And what do you have?

Archie: ...I'm a people's person.

(Gaston calls for Archie to follow them as he and Veronica walk out, arm in arm. Archie sneers at Gaston who pays him no mind.)

Prince Gaston: You, the red haired peasant. Hurry yourself. Ms. Lodge has just told me of this wonderful beach I wish to venture to.
Mr. Lodge: So you are, lad! So you are!

Archie: Grrrr

(The trio are at the beach. Prince Gaston is in purple and red trunks laced with diamonds, Veronica is in a one piece swim suit, and Archie is dragging the surf boards and beach towels while carrying a food basket by biting down on the handle.)

Prince Gaston: Too many commoners for my liking, but the beach itself is beautiful.

Veronica: What about me, Prince?

(We see Veronica and Gaston walking together over Archie's shoulders as he stares at them.)

Gaston: You are striking.

Archie thinking: I'd like to strike you.

(Gaston motions for Archie that he has found the perfect spot. Between Gaston and Archie is a small bucket.)

Gaston: Boy, this place is perfect.

(Archie trips over the bucket as he drops the board and the food basket hits Gaston, knocking several sandwiches on him.


Archie: Ooops!!

(Gaston is upset a she looks at the mess he is. Veronica goes over to help Archie up.)

Gaston: You clumsy clod! Look at what you've done!

Veronica: Archie, are you okay?

Archie: Yeah...

(Gaston goes over to the surfboards and points to one surfboard that is has several diamonds along it.)

Gaston: And you had best pray that you have not scratched my custom made surf board!

Archie: Gaston, I'm--

(Gaston yells at Archie.)

Gaston: Prince Gaston of Soalmania, to you! I don't even understand why you are here.

(Gaston looks over at Veronica as a Archie is beginning to feel worse than dirt.)

Gaston: Social economic status, looks, personality, you don't belong with the likes of us elite.

Veronica: Gaston, that's a horrible thing to--

(Archie stands up and reaches for the sand bucket he tripped over.)

Archie: Yeah. Guess you're right.

Veronica: Archie?

(Archie is walking away, defeated as Veronica points to Archie.)

Archie: I'll be waiting for you two, and I'll drop you both back off to the Lodge Estate.

Veronica: Gaston, how could you be so cruel!

(Gaston takes Veronica in his arms as he fakes sympathy.)

Gaston: Oh, you're right. I'll apologize after we have just a few brief moments to ourselves.

Veronica: I suppose. Archie isn't going to leave the beach...

(Gaston looks over to his left as he sees a trio of attractive teenage girls gesturing towards him.)

Gaston: Veronica, my lovely flower, you told me that you had taken up surfing.

(Veronica looks over at her surfboard and in the ocean we can see heavy waves.)

Veronica: My friend Betty had just started to teach me, but I'm still not that good and the waves are at high tide now...

(Gaston pushes Veronica towards the shore as he carries her surfboard.)

Gaston: Now, now, you shouldn't take on a skill if you cannot handle the burden.

Veronica: But--

(Veronica looks over to see Archie in eye distance as he is helping a small girl make a sandcastle.)

Veronica: I suppose...as long as the person I like is watching.

(Veronica uses her surfboard as she swims out to a tide. In the background we can see Gaston leaving with the trio of girls.)

Veronica: Archie admires Betty for her surfing, so I'll just top her.

(A deeply depressed Archie has the bucket laid down as he lifts it up to help build the castle.)

Little Girl: Mister, why are you so sad?

Archie: Well, my girlfriend just fell in love with a prince and I'm nothing but a frog.

(Archie accidentally knocks over what sand castle there was.)

Little Girl: Maybe you're a prince, too, and you haven't been told.


Archie: Sigh. Nope. I don't think that's it.

(The little girl is mad with Archie as several people rush past Archie as they run towards the shore.)

Man: Hey! Someone help her!

Woman: Where's the life guard?

Archie: Huh?

(Archie stands up to see Veronica in the ocean as she is being pulled down by the tide.)

Veronica  Help! Gllbb Help!

Archie: Ronnie!!!

(Archie pushes past the crowd.)

(Archie swims and battles the current as he makes his way towards Veronica.)

Archie: Ron, I'm almost there. Just try and keep your head up!

Veronica: O-okay...

(Archie has Veronica in one arm as he swims back to shore.)

(Archie and Veronica are surrounded by the beach goers who congratulate and show concern for Veronica. Veronica is spitting out water as Archie slumps over tired.)

Archie: Whew.

Woman: Are you okay, young lady?

Little girl: You're better than a prince, you're a hero.

(Archie looks over at Veronica who smiles weakly at him.)

Archie: Ron, are you okay?

Veronica: I'm fine. I wiped out and the undercurrent had me.

Little girl: You should thank him.

(Veronica kisses Archie as Archie blushes and goes dream eyed.)

Veronica: Of course I will!

(Veronica hugs Archie as crowd begins to disports.)

Veronica: Archie...I'm sorry about today. I just wanted to make you jealous.

Archie: Why make me jealous when we're the only two around?

(Veronica moves away as she looks unhappy as she tries to find Prince Gaston.)

Veronica: You're right. I'll only make you jealous when Betty is around.

Archie: That's not what I mean...

Veronica: Now where is that Frog Princess at? It was all his fault for pushing me--

(Veronica and Archie look as they see Prince Gaston posing for the teenage girls. Veronica is in the background and she is infuriated.)

Teenage girl one: Wow. Look at that physique

Teenage girl two: And that smile.

Gaston: How would you ladies like to accompany me and show me true American hospitality?

(Veronica is extremely upset as Archie touches her shoulder.)

Veronica: I was drowning and he did nothing but hit on those--those beach bimbos?!

Archie: Let's say we leave his royal highness and go to Pop Tate's?

(Veronica is walking towards Archie's surfboard.)

Veronica: In just a few seconds. But right now, I need to borrow your board and I promise to buy you a new one.

Archie: Buy me a new one?

(Veronica is holding the surfboard over her head as runs towards Gaston. Gaston does not notice, but the girls do and they scatter.)

Gaston: Where are you lovely ladies going?

Veronica: They're not being hospitable? Here, I'll show you American hospitality, you pompous moron.

(Veronica breaks the board over Gaston's head.)


(Gaston is unconscious as Veronica and Archie walk away.)

Archie: He's not king yet, but boy did you crown him.

Veronica: Yes, and it was worth that nail I just broke.

(Archie is slightly worried as he talks to Veronica who seems to dismiss his concerns.)

Archie: What about your dad? I don't think he's going to like what you just did.

Veronica: Oh, Daddykins, I'm sure, will be calm and collected about the situation.

(Back to the Lodge Estate several hours later as Mr. Lodge is in his office frantically talking on the phone.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, my daughter told me what happened, and you should be able to understand--

(Mr. Lodge is yelling on the phone as Smithers is at the door way.)

Mr. Lodge: Yes, I know that the views of Americans is not positive and your son having a concussion is not--

Smithers: Pardon, sir, but Mrs. Lodge is awaiting your company in the dining room for your after supper tea.

(Mr. Lodge looks at Smithers.)

Mr. Lodge: ...

(Mr. Lodge yells into the phone.)

Mr. Lodge: King Philip, I'm sorry, but more important matters have come up. I'll speak with you later.

(Mr. Lodge slams the phone down.)


(Mrs. Lodge and Mr. Lodge are in the Lodge Estate massive dining room as they talk and enjoy each others company. Smithers is standing just behind Mr. Lodge.)

Mrs. Lodge: It would seem that you overlooked Archie's intrinsic qualities.

Mr. Lodge: I suppose I did at that.

(Mrs. Lodge is sipping her tea as Mr. Lodge smiles and slightly chuckles.)

Mrs. Lodge: I can see why Veronica loves him, since those are the same qualities I fell in love with too in my one true.

Mr. Lodge: Ahem..

Mr. Lodge: Speaking of, where is Veronica--


Mr. Lodge: Oh. With Archie in the lounge.

(Smithers begins to walk away, but Mr. Lodge holds out a hand.)

Smithers: Sir, I'll--

Mr. Lodge: No, Smithers, I think I'll wait until tomorrow to be upset with Archie.

(Cut to the lounge as Archie and Veronica are happily talking on a expensive couch. In the background we can see a broken window, the extremely large TV has short circuited, a vase is broken, a lamp shade is catching fire and a leg to the couch has just snapped.)

Caption: He's earned that match in the very least. And how much damaged could he cause?


Too bad you were born too late, PTF! AC could have used you years ago at their apex! :2funny: Great Classic Archie story!

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