Panel one: Archie is in the lunch line as Ms. Beazley flops a pile of grey mash potatoes on his tray. On Archie's tray already is a weird purple meatloaf. Next to Archie in line is Betty, Big Vic, Sheila Wu and Rob who slowly back away like avoiding a crime scene.
Archie: Um, Ms. Beazley, I really don't need that big of a helping.
Beazley: Aw, O' course ya do, freckles! You kids need your mashed taters to grow big and strong!
Panel two: Archie looks at a black speck on his mashed potatoes as Ms. Beazley hands out the next portion to Betty Cooper who looks like she's going to throw up.
Archie: Is that a bug?
Ms. Beazley: Nah, that's a pepper flake.
Panel three: Archie looks wide eyed as the "black speck" crawls down the mashed potatoes. Ms. Beazley waves what happens off as she dumps a third helping of mashed potatoes on Betty's tray as Betty looks like she's going to cry.
Ms. Beazley: A raw pepper flake.
Panel one: Archie is walking past the teacher's table as all the teachers are enjoying bag lunches save for Coach Kleats who looks dejectedly at a carrot as Coach Clayton happily eats a sandwich. Mr. Weatherbee notices Archie twisting his face in disgust.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, what's the matter with you? You look sick to your stomach.
Archie: Not yet.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee waves Archie off as he pulls out a massive homemade turkey sub from his lunch bag.
Mr. Weatherbee: Ah yes "lunch room food is bad". That old chestnut. You're lucky, Archie. Because of budget constraints we of the faculty have to supply our own meals.
Panel three: Archie holds his plate out as Mr. Weatherbee accepts his trade.
Archie: You can be lucky too if you want to trade, sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: Fine! If it'll put to rest this idiot notion!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee begins to take a bite of the mashed potatoes as he looks over at Archie who is happily sniffing his newly acquired turkey sub sandwich. Prof. Flutesnoot is next to him eating a small bowl salad and Ms. Ganesh is drinking a small cup of tea.
Archie: This is going to be yummy.
Mr. Weatherbee: Not as delicious as this meal will be.
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee has the spoon of food in his mouth as his eyes bulge, his face cheeks sink in, and the wig on his head leaps off his head because of how bad the taste is.
Panel six: Mr. Weatherbee spits the food out on a napkin as Prof. Flutesnoot and Ms. Ganesh leap out of their seat as they are caught by surprise. Archie has just finished his turkey sub and pats his stomach as he has a thankful smile on his face.
Mr. Weatherbee; BLLAAAHHH
Archie: So, Mr. Weatherbee...wanna trade lunches tomorrow too?
Panel one: Archie looks on as Mr. Weatherbee storms past him with both fists shaking in rage.
Mr. Weatherbee: I'm going to trade in a washed up cook is what I'm going to do1!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee confronts Ms. Beazley behind the lunch line as she serves a giant helping of food to Jughead who eyes it leveling with a tear in his eyes as he licks his lip.
Ms. Beazley: Another successful day fer da Beaz.
Mr. Weatherbee: You call making me heave my guts out a success?
Panel three: Ms. Beazley points her wooden spoon at Mr. Weatherbee's stomach as Mr. Weatherbee blushes.
Ms. Beazley: Looks to me you've got plenty of guts ta spare, chubby!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee goes nose to nose with Ms. Beazley.
Mr. Weatherbee: Third world countries eat better than these students do!
Ms. Beazley: Third world countries have bigger budges than what I'm left with!
Panel five: Archie walks up to listen to the argument as Ms. Beazley points at the empty platters of food along the food line.
Beazley: Ya get what you pay fer and I ain't getting pennies for fixin's!
Mr. Weatherbee: That's absurd! The school provides enough for an adequate lunch menu! You're just a horrible cook!
Panel six: Ms. Beazley walks away in a huff as Mr. Weatherbee folds his arms as he remains stern.
Ms. Beazley: If you think you can do bettah, be my guest, baldie!
Panel one: Archie is talking with Mr. Weatherbee as Mr. Weatherbee is still frowning.
Archie: Maybe she has a point, sir. I remember you saying that you and the faculty had to bring your own meals because...
Mr. Weatherbee: Hmph.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee turns to Archie as he points at the nearby lunch menu that reads MONDAY: GLOP. TUESDAY SPECIAL: GLOP WITH SEASONING.
Mr. Weatherbee: The school board has cut our budgets all over, but that doesn't mean she can't craft edibles!!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee pridefully sticks out his chest as he has a smile on his face as Archie looks on concerned.
Mr. Weatherbee: We'll just handle lunch duty tomorrow. That'll motivate Ms. Beazley and bring harmony back to my lunch room.
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee puts a hand on Archie's shoulder as he builds him up.
Mr. Weatherbee: Of course! You and me, my boy! We'll make a fine team! Your free period is before lunch so that'll give us plenty of time to prepare!
Archie: But why me? Sandwiches confuse me.
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee's grip tightens as Archie nervously shakes his head.
Mr. Weatherbee: Because you made me eat that horrible food.
Archie: ...I'll be glad to help, sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: Such a smart, helpful lad.
Panel one: Archie and Mr. Weatherbee are in the cafeteria as they are both wearing aprons and chef hats.
Archie: We look snazzy, sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: Indeed. The first step in cooking is to look the part.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee points to the stock room as Archie runs into it.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, I want you to find what you can that we can use for today.
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee winces as Archie has an accident off panel.
SFX CRASH WHAM SKAK
Panel four: Archie is talking off panel as Mr. Weatherbee face palms in frustration.
Archie: I knocked a few things over, sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: Really? How unlike you.
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee looks on impatiently as he looks at several loaves of bread, a case of peanut butter and jelly, and salt and pepper canisters.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hurry up, Archie! I need to see all that I have so I can envision the wonderous meal I will craft.
Archie off-panel: Coming sir.
Panel six: Archie holds out a bottle of paprika.
Archie: Here you go, sir!
Mr. Weatherbee: !!!
Panel one: Archie shrugs his shoulders as Mr. Weatherbee is fuming.
Mr. Weatherbee: Stop joking around, Archie!
Archie: I'm not joking sir.
Mr. Weatherbee: I know for a fact we have a full stock room!
Panel two: Archie explains as Mr. Weatherbee calms down as he notes the severity of the situation.
Archie: But sir, most of the food has expired, the spices have run out of date and there's a weird mold I think used to be apples. It attacked me!
Mr. Weatherbee: Ack! How did things get so bad!
Panel three: Ms. Beazley walks up to Mr. Weatherbee.
Ms. Beazley: Hah! Not so easy when yer dealin' with a shoe string budget and vitals held over from when Regan was president!
Mr. Weatherbee: Well, um, I suppose I might have been hasty...
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee extends a hand of friendship as Ms. Beazley accepts it.
Mr. Weatherbee: I apologize, Bernice. What you managed with no one dying is a miracle.
Ms. Beazley: Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn't have busted yer chops, Waldo. I know da food's not up to par, but what can I do with less than nuthin' to work with?
Panel five: Archie, Mr. Weatherbee, and Miss Beazley begin to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Mr. Weatherbee: Well, it's not much, but it'll have to do. But tomorrow...
Archie: Too bad the school board can't taste what their budget cuts have done to the lunch program.
Panel six: Mr. Weatherbee and Ms. Beazley have sneaky smirks on their faces.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hm...there is a meeting tonight in this very school...
Ms. Beazley: And it seems a shame to toss all them expired cans and spices out on da street....
Panel one: The school board is in the lunch room as Mr. Weatherbee leads the way talking with an elderly man of the school board with a brushy mustache. Follow behind him are middle age members, two men, and two women. All look around the lunchroom.
Mr. Auberjonois: I still do not see why you canceled our catering service, Principal Weatherbee. Some of us run businesses and have a few children and are spent from a long day!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee motions for them to sit at the teach table as Mr. Auberjonois pushes past Mr. Weatherbee.
Mr. Weatherbee: I just thought with all the supplies my school has, our lunch lady can showcase her cuisine.
Mr. Auberjonois: I wasn't born yesterday, Waldo. You're not the only principal who has tried to suck up to us for money you don't need.
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee smiles as he waves off the notion as he takes a step back as Ms. Beazley brings a platter with a cover over it to the table.
Mr. Weatherbee: Heavens no! In fact, the budgets and food provisions you've graciously provide us is responsible for this meal!
Panel four: Ms. Beazley removes the coche from the plate to reveal a spoiled green ham that extrudes a repugnant aroma that causes the school board to turn even greener than the ham. Mr. Weatherbee is pinching his nose as he smiles triumphantly.
Ms. Beazley: Bon A-pet-tye, ya stuck up, know nothings!
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is walking towards the closed double doors of the lunchroom with Archie as they talk.
Caption: Later...after a few stomach pumps.
Archie: Wow. You mean, you and Ms. Beazley were able to reason with them?
Mr. Weatherbee: I admit it was a strong odor—I mean, order, but with valid points, evidence, and a healthy, open debate with a sound argument we won the day.
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee opens the doors as Archie looks at him.
Archie: So they increased the lunch budget?
Mr. Weatherbee: See for yourself, Mr. Andrews.
Panel three: A shot of the new improved lunchroom as it looks like all the students are getting fine dining as they have waiters who are sprinkling pepper into their various food. Students have roast, turkey, spaghetti, soufflés and whatever else you want to include. Archie looks on dumbfounded! At a table, Veronica looks on confused as Betty, Ethel, and Midge are getting treatment that normally is reserved for her.
Mr. Weatherbee: What do you think?
Archie: I think lunch just became the most important meal of the day!!!
Panel one: A shot of the inside of Ms. Grundy's classroom as she is being over dramatic as she is reading the end of the "Mending Wall" by Robert Frost as she has her desk up front separating her from the students. Jughead is sitting in the front roll and closest to the desk as he is reaching for an apple on Ms. Grundy's chest. Behind Jughead, Archie and Veronica are sitting along each other and giving it each lovey dovey eyes. Behind them both Reggie and Betty look on disapprovingly.
Ms. Grundy: "...And he likes having thought of it so well, He says again 'Good Fences make good neighbors.'"
Reggie thinking: Maybe if it's barbwire!
Panel two: Ms. Grundy turns back to her desk and is surprised to see that her apple is gone as class dismisses and leaves for the day. Jughead is throwing the left over apple into the trash as he leaves. Reggie is near the end of the line to leave as he looks ahead at Archie and Veronica holding hands. Betty is at her desk still putting books in her backpack.
Ms. Grundy: Ummm... Now, for tomorrow's discussion I want you each to share your thoughts on the meaning of Robert Frost's Mending Wall.
Reggie thinking: What's to discuss? The closer and more together you're with each other the more you'll dislike each other.
Panel three: Reggie has a thought balloon over his head. The light bulb is has a Snidely Whiplash moustache and wearing a black cape to show how it's a bad idea Reggie has just though up.
Reggie: Oh wicked little idea bulb, what horrendous light you elucidate...
Panel one: Betty is finally walking out of the classroom as Reggie is outside leaning against the nearby wall with his arms folded as he tries to act super cool and coy.
Reggie: So, Betts, you like Robbie Frost?
Betty: Um, "Robert Frost" and yes. And you? I didn't think of you as a poetry buff.
Panel two: Betty rolls her eyes as she walks ahead.
Reggie: I'm just buff in general, ponytail.
Panel three: Reggie walks up beside Betty as Betty is walking down the hallway.
Reggie: Also a genius because I just found a way for us to get what we both want!
Betty: And what's that?
Panel four: Betty is putting her textbooks in her locker as Reggie hugs himself as he thinks about him and Veronica being a couple.
Reggie: For me and Veronica to be the perfect, alpha, dominant couple of Riverdale...
Panel five: Reggie sticks his tongue out in disgust and waves off the thought of Archie as Betty gives the reader an aside glance.
Reggie: ...And you can pluck carrot top if you want him.
Betty: Wow. You're winning me over.
Panel one: Reggie is talking with Betty as Betty closes her locker.
Betty: Reggie, Veronica has Archie on a leash. It's impossible to separate them.
Panel two: Reggie cups his hands and locks his finger as Betty is confused.
Reggie: That's the thing! We keep them together! White on rice level all the time!
Betty: What?! I'm not giving Veronica whatever few date nights I can scrounge!
Panel three: Reggie is explaining as Betty listens intently.
Reggie: It's like the poem said "Good fences make good neighbors."
Reggie: Well, Archie is a clumsy, poor clod and Veronica is snobbish, arrogant, and demanding! It won't take long to drive each other nuts!
Panel four: A close up on Betty as she has her conscience on her right shoulder as they both listen.
Reggie off-panel: And when the fighting starts, we swoop in and tie the red strings of love where they should be. Veronica to me, and...I don't know why...Archie with you.
Panel five: Betty's conscience whispers into Betty's ear as Betty nods her head as she smiles.
Reggie off-panel: We don't even need to sabotage them, they'll do it themselves.
Panel six: Reggie scratches the back of his head as Betty is all smiles and holds out her hand for a handshake as Reggie shakes it with his other hand. Reggie has a thought balloon of a nut over his head.
Betty: We've decided that we find your plan acceptable to our moral compass.
Panel one: Archie nearly slips into his locker and hits his head as Reggie walks up to him as he pops his collar and has the fakes smile ever on his face.
Reggie: I've got some good news for you, Red.
Archie: CTE is easily curable?
Panel two: Reggie shoots Archie a double thumbs up as Archie rubs his throbbing forehead.
Reggie: I've decided that you and Veronica—man, she's yours.
Archie: Really? Just like that? This isn't a trick or scheme?
Panel three: Reggie has his hands behind his back as he has ever finger possible crossed. He even crosses both of his thumbs. Archie is none the wiser as he has a giant smile on his face as he gives Reggie a slap to the shoulder.
Reggie: Hey, I can't deny it any longer. You and Ronnie are destiny. Can't fight destiny.
Archie: Wow! One less guy to worry about! That's a load off my mind! Thanks, Reg. You're not as bad as everyone says!
Panel four: A jubilant Archie runs down the hall as a sneering Reggie looks on.
Reggie: That's what Superman said when Lex Luthor invited him over to check out his new green rock collection.
Panel one: Betty is walking up to Veronica is looking into her locker mirror and fixing her lipstick as she half pays her any attention. In the hallway at their own locker or talking with one another is Maria, Ethel, Chloe, and Sheila Wu as they are just casually going about their day.
Betty: Veronica! I've come to wave the white flag and concede defeat.
Veronica: That's nice Bettykins. Please go on, it's so interesting.
Panel two: Veronica's raises her head and she is completely shocked by what she is hearing as Betty rolls her eyes and twiddles her thumbs as she has trouble saying what she's saying.
Betty: ...You win. You and Archie...He's yours.
Panel three: Veronica strides to the middle of the hallway and motions for all the girls in the hallway to gather around her. Maria has a sash, Ethel has a small basket of rice, Chloe has her camera ready, and Sheila Wu is running towards Veronica with a tiara.
Panel four: Veronica is in full arrogant mode as she pulls Betty towards her as Betty looks on unhappily. Maria is putting a sash reading A #1 Choice around Veronica while Sheila Wu is putting on the tiara as Ethel is throwing confetti around Veronica as Chloe takes pictures of Veronica to document the historic event. Veronica is blowing kisses to the students gathering around.
Betty: It's amazing how humble you are in victory.
Veronica: I know! I'm so gracious! Look at me share this moment with everyone!
Panel one: Reggie and Betty are outside of Riverdale High as they watch Archie and Veronica walk off together hand in hand. Betty is wearing a second place sash around her as she complains as Reggie sticks a finger down his throat.
Betty: --And then came the runner up ceremony!
Reggie: Hey, I had to pretend to be nice. I nearly became physically ill...
Panel two: In the background, Reggie and Betty as they look on. Archie and Veronica are rubbing noses as they walk away hand in hand in the foreground.
Reggie: ....but it'll be worth it once those two get sick of each other and they come looking for the cure!
Panel three: Reggie turns to Betty as Betty still is wearing the second place sash.
Reggie: Betts, why are you still wearing that?
Panel four: Betty smiles slightly as she looks it over and she looks on the positive side of things. Reggie face palms.
Betty: Well, Runner-up isn't too bad and they all worked hard and I even got to make a speech and the ceremony had my favorite cake.
Reggie: (Sigh) In a dog eat dog world, she builds animal shelters.
Panel five: Archie and Veronica have their heads resting on each other as they happily walk away from Riverdale High.
Veronica: Isn't it wonderful, Archiekins. The war is over and our love is true.
Archie: And nothing can ever separate us.
Page 7 (Eight Panels the left side (Odd number panels represents Archie's trouble with dating Veronica, the right represents Veronica's troubles with dating Archie)
Panel one: Archie and Veronica are in a fancy restaurant as a waiter is waiting for Archie to pay the bill as Archie hands over all the money in his wallet as a lone moth ways goodbye to the departing money.
Panel two: Veronica is frustrated that Jughead has horned in on her date with Archie in the Chocklit Shop as she has her hands reaching for Jughead's neck as Jughead pushes in between the two.
Panel three: Archie is half asleep as he is waiting for Veronica to finish up in a shoe store as she has a large stack of shoes that she has tried on as the shoe salesman looks like he's about to faint as he puts on another shoe for Veronica to admire.
Panel four: Veronica and Archie are back in the restaurant from panel one only a pizza delivery boy is handing Archie a pizza as an embarrassed Veronica uses her hair to cover her face.
Panel five: In the Lodge Mansion, Archie and Veronica are kissing as Mr. Lodge is towering over Archie. Archie rolls his eyes and looks up worriedly at Mr. Lodge while he is still kissing Veronica.
Panel six: Veronica is upset as she looks at all the damage Archie has done to a trophy room of hers as he points down at a banana peel as the culprit.
Panel seven: In a movie theater, Archie is unhappy with the movie he and Veronica are watching as twirls the straw to his drink around. Veronica isn't even watching the movie as she is too busy tweeting on her phone. Behind them in disguise is Reggie and Betty wearing trench coats and hats.
Panel eight: A continuation as Archie's accidentally causes the drink to swirl and burst out the lid as it lands right on the back of Veronica's neck startling her as a wide eyed Archie looks on. Reggie and Betty fist bump as everything is going as they planned.
Panel one: Reggie and Betty are ducking behind a bush in Pickens Park as they see an arguing Archie and Veronica walking towards them.
Reggie whispering: Get down! I think the moment we are waiting for is finally going to happen!
Veronica: I can't believe you can be such a clod! You ruined my blouse!
Archie: Aw, you have a million of them! And it's soda! It'll clean! Stop being a snob!
Panel two: Archie and Veronica are pointing fingers at each other as they stand in front of the bush.
Veronica: How dare you call me a snob!
Archie: You called me a clod!
Veronica: I want an apology!
Archie: Ladies first!
Panel three: Archie and Veronica both turn away from each other, close their eyes, and fold their arms across their chests as they both are stubborn.
Veronica: Archie Andrews, I don't want to hear a word from you! Not a word!
Archie: Well that goes double for me!!
Panel four: Reggie and Betty stick their heads out as Betty focuses on Veronica and Reggie focuses on Archie.
Reggie: Two Words.
Panel five: Reggie and Betty stick their heads back down behind the bush as Archie and Veronica turn towards each other with snarls and harsh glares.
Veronica and Archie: I HEARD THAT!!
Panel one: Veronica is waving her arms in the air as she goes over how frustrated she is with Archie.
Veronica: How dare you! I have never been so angry and miserable in my life! And what's worse is how unapologetic you are!
Veronica: Especially since your best friend ruins our dates—or you ruin our dates with your poor, clumsy, boorish ways!
Panel two: Veronica sticks her nose in the air as she arrogantly continues to chide Archie as Archie's face turns red as he tries to control his anger.
Veronica: Hmph. You would think a person of your status would throw himself to the ground and give praise that some like myself even gives you the time of day.
Panel three: Archie quips back at Veronica as Veronica breaks her act and goes wide eyed.
Archie: I wish you could give me all the time I wasted on you!
Panel four: Archie begins to count the ways Veronica is a poor date as Veronica becomes angry to the point a vein is popping on her forehead.
Archie: All the time I had to waste while you tried on a gazillion clothes and shoes that you don't need and those horrible movies you drag me too and don't even watch!
Veronica: Watch yourself, Archibald—
Panel five: Archie pulls out his pockets to show them empty as he continues his rant. Veronica is getting even angrier as her face is red and she balls her fists.
Archie: And that's not even talking about the money! 50 dollars for a lobster!! I can't even rub two pennies together.
Archie: Oh, and let's not forget how pigheaded you are! And that temper! Hooboy!!
Panel one: Veronica flicks Archie on is forehead as he winces in pain.
Veronica: That does it!
Panel two: Archie retaliates as he flicks Veronica on her forehead.
Archie: Oh yeah!
Panel three: A shot from behind the bush as Reggie and Betty are trying not to laugh out loud at Archie and Veronica's argument. Veronica is furiously waving her arms in the air as Archie rolls his eyes.
Veronica: How dare you, you brute!
Veronica: I am a lady! I am a Lodge!
Panel four: Archie quips back at Veronica as Veronica prepares to flick his forehead again.
Archie: The later sure, but the former is debatable.
Veronica: Why you--!!
Panel five: Veronica and Archie begin to flick each others forehead as Archie starts using both hands.
SFX: FLICK FLICK FLICK
Veronica: Take this!
Archie: Oh yeah! You take this and that!
Panel six: Archie is overwhelming Veronica as Veronica tires tries to shield her head with her arms as Archie continues his assault.
SFX: FLICK FLICK FLICK
Veronica: Stop it!
Archie: Hah! Never!
Panel seven: Veronica kicks Archie right on his right kneecap as Archie's eyes light up in pain and his jaw drops.
Veronica: I said knock it off!!
Panel one: Archie is jumping up and down on one foot as he clutches his kneecap in pain as he heads towards Veronica's right foot. Veronica doesn't notice as she's too busy posing in victory. She has her left hand fingers doing the "V for victory pose" and her right doing the "L for loser pose" Except now it means Veronica Lodge together.
Archie: Ow Ow Ow!
Veronica: Let that be a lesson to you for going up against a Lodge! A Lodge is a titan! A Lodge is dominant! A Lodge is invincible!
Panel two: Archie accidentally hops on Veronica's right foot as she bites her lower lip and her eyes water up in pain.
Panel three: Veronica is jumping up and down on one foot like Archie and both are circling back towards each other and about to bump heads.
Veronica: Yow Yow Yow!
Archie: Ow Ow Ow!
Panel four: Archie and Veronica stop just inches form bumping into each other as the look at one another and see how ridiculous both look.
Panel five: Archie and Veronica begin to laugh.
Veronica: Ha-Hah! Archiekins...we look and sound so silly!
Archie: Heh Heh! I know!
Panel six: Archie takes Veronica by the hands and apologizes as Veronica rests her head against Archie's chest as she is sorry as well.
Archie: ...Ronnie, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend. I'm clumsy and I let Jug barge in on our dates, and I don't have the money to treat you like the princess you are.
Veronica: No, no! It's me! I make everything about me and what I want. And I know you go far and beyond your means to make me happy. And I have such a dreadful temper.
Panel seven: Archie wraps his arms around Veronica as they walk away as a lost for words Betty and Reggie stand up in disbelief at what they are seeing.
Archie: I think your temper tantrums are cute, lamb's lettuce.
Veronica: And I love when you trip and fall, love bunny.
Reggie: ...I don't believe it!
Panel one: Reggie yells at Betty as Betty puts her hands on her chest as she is shocked he's blaming her.
Reggie: I can't believe you blew this! All this time wasted because you didn't seize the moment when it happened!!
Betty: Me?!! I didn't see you do anything!!!
Panel two: Betty yells at Reggie as Reggie sticks her tongue out at her.
Betty: This was just another one of your stupid plans that brew from your stupid head and seeps through your stupid mouth!
Reggie: Oh yeah!?
Panel three: Archie and Veronica turn back as Betty is sticking her tongue out while making a face at Reggie as Reggie responds with pulling his lips down and making a face to compete against her.
Reggie: Is that so!
Archie: Wow. With all the time they'd been spending together recently, I thought they would last.
Veronica: (Sigh) Well, not everyone can fit so well together as us.
Boy, am I glad these Sitcomics are cheap—since I'm now out an extra hundred and eighty dollars every month. Because old people get sick and ruin everything for younger people. But hey, maybe reading and reviewing this comic will cheer me up.
When we last left our body swapped protagonists, Ernie is unprepared to run a corporation, other heroes now doubt the Blue Baron as being sane, and one of Blue Baron's strongest allies is in a coma. Carson Cedric finds Ernie's parents more and more coming down on him, feeling more and more helpless. So how can things go worse? Let's find out as I review BLUE BARON 3.1!
The Writing: Another strong showing from Darin Henry as he's doing a great job of introducing new characters (villains and heroes alike) while also showing the reaction everyone has to Cedric Carson/Blue Baron with Ernie in his body. People working for him thinks he's lost his mind and the heroes are between thinking he's being manipulated or just a plain liability. And we got consequences to both as Ernie is costing Cedric millions, employees, and his spot on the Hero Union.
And the humor is still there with Cedric deciding to just mess with the shrink his parents send him to and the end result of the session. I like The Clique and how they interacted and bounced off quips on each other. And they all have interesting powers and are relatable. Okay, one of the Clique is named "Teacher's pet." Take a guess what her personality and powers are. Stuff like that just makes me smile.
And there is really touching scene where Ernie Baron visits Max and just feeling helpless as his friend is fighting for his life and there's nothing he can do. And there is Wanda and Roberto (YES! HE HAS A NAME) as their son seems like a totally different person and they don't know what to do.
And I like the introduction to Professor Wraith as William Wharton falls to madness as he seeks to understand evil and how it relates to heroism. I'm a sucker for characters like this. It's a nice origin.
For around nineteen pages we get a great story that covers a lot of ground while having distinct characters and dialogue and continuing to advance storylines for future issues in inventive and swift decisions. Lord knows a few other writes could learn from this coughIDWTMNTcoff
The art. Yeah, another great job by Ron Frenz with ink by Sal Buscema. The action scenes are great and there's great motion in each panel. From Honcho and Windfall fighting villains to Bully and Class Clown playing a prank on Blue Baron. Each character's personality shines. Honcho wears a suit that consists of sponsors and a camera rig with super inflated hero poses as he fights. Bully of the clique pretty much moves how I would think a kid hero named Bully would. For the introduction to the Clique, you could take out all the word balloons and you would know each character's personality by how they slouch, sit, or tilt there head.
I love all the costume designs. Professor Wraith looks menacing. The Clique and their costumes really work with their code name. Bully's costume is my favorite (hint, think a popular video game from a few years back)
And the inking really does a great job with facial expressions. Best seen when Wharton succumbs to the evil tomes and insanity.
Lettering and coloring is also great as usual with Dillon and Whitmore. It's amazing how boring word balloons have gotten and how excited I get to see one stretch out with a "noooo" or explode with rage.
Super Sleepy. Cute lil' one page story.
Ernie. He's probably at his worse here as he's mouthing off, rushing head long into fights, and annoying every character he comes in contact with. Again, this is just part one of the third issue, so this will probably be addressed, but I felt a fair warning for those readers who hate annoying kids. Which begs the question, why are you on an Archie Comics fan message board?
A rare Glenn Whitmore mistake. Page eighteen Blue Ernie has grabbed Bully by his jacket, but the way it's colored it looks like Blue Baron's levitating him. The lesson: no one is perfect.
Class Clown. He's not a clown. He's a mime! Clowns and mimes are totally different! Clowns are funny/scary, Mimes are just annoying.
What I learned.
Roberto is the name of Ernie's dad. ...You people have no idea how long not knowing his name has been bothering me.
Maybe donating evil tomes to a college was not the best idea some hero made.
Ernie is just killing any hope millions of people who drafted Blue Baron as their first pick have of winning Fantasy Hero.
That college student in the lecture hall is the worse kind of person. "How do you know what heroism is without understanding evil?" Boom—new supervillain! "Gee, if you think you can do a better job as president, why don't you run?" Boom—President Trump. "If you don't feel good, why don't you see a doctor?" Boom—cancer!
You knew Protégé (autocorrect one this battle of wells) was waiting for the right moment to strike after Blue Ernie insulted his costume.
The Hero Union has a much lighter drug policy than I had first thought before I read this issue.
Man it sucks being an African American in this comic, you get killed by a new villain, you get put in a coma, get possessed by some sort of mysterious entity or some jerkwad kid in your mentor's body insults your costume.
My dream match up is coming true! Cedric Carson vs. Spider-Girl!
Doctor Chandler is going to write an amazing case study one day.
Finally, a school of higher learning I can believe in.
It's a good first part. Ernie is kicked out of the Hero Union and looking for a new team (kids his age, but with one big problem), Cedric being shut out of his own life as he watches it crumble around him, and a new villain. I'll go B+
And I'm starting a new program. Where you guys send me comics you have bought and I review them and tell you if you made the right decision. If this works out well, I'll expand it to movies, music, and food. Revolutionary concept. So be in on the ground floor.
Panel one: It is the middle of a snow as Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Reggie are walking towards The Chocklit Shoppe. Archie, Betty, and Reggie, are wearing heavy winter coats while Veronica is wearing much less protective coat more for style than to battle the elements. Betty is talking with Veronica as Veronica waves her off, while flipping her hair. Archie and Reggie are looking at Veronica with hearts over their heads that are evaporating snowflakes that land on them. On the buildings along the street, are icicles of enormous size. In the background, some kids are making a snowknight, putting a bucket on a snowman and giving him a giant icicle for a sword. A much bigger bully kid is laughing at them while preparing to throw a snowball.
Betty: Ronnie, it's twenty degrees and snowing—don't you think that attire isn't going to cut it?
Ronnie: Pish-posh, Bettykins. It's only a tad nippy. Nothing to worry about. Especially when one can make a fashion statement.
Panel two: A cold, snowy wind blows over the four with Archie, Betty, and Reggie shivering while Veronica turns blue and her teeth begin tattering as she is taking it much worse.
Panel three: Veronica dashes inside of the Chocklit Shoppe as Betty smiles as a confused Archie looks on. Reggie is tucking at his collar. Unnoticed by the cast, the snowknight has been brought to life and is chasing the bully from panel one. The knight's bucket has bits of the snowball on it.
Archie: So what exactly is her fashion statement?
Betty: "I'm getting hypothermia, I need to find shelter."
Panel one: Archie, Betty, Veronica and Reggie are at a table as Pop hands them their food (burgers and fries) as he looks over at Veronica. Veronica is wearing a bulky tattered coat as glares over at Betty as Betty tries to hold back a snicker. Next to Veronica is Archie as he notices a moth flying from the coat. Reggie is sitting next to Betty as he looks over to see Midge walking by and blows her a kiss as Midge puts her three fingers over her mouth as if to stop from throwing up.
Pop Tate: Nice hot burgers for the teens of the frozen tundra we call Riverdale.
Pop Tate: And sorry, Veronica. The coat's all I had laying around.
Veronica: Not a peep from you, Cooper.
Veronica: Or that.
Panel two: Veronica is leaning her head on Archie's shoulder as Archie talks with her. In the background Moose is walking past them.
Veronica: Oh, Archiekins, when will this horrid cold weather disperse?
Archie: From what my weather app said, this is the warm days this winter.
Panel three: Betty is talking. Reggie has his hands clamped over his mouth as Moose and Midge walk together, with Moose giving Reggie the stink eye.
Betty: That's no good. My home's A/C is already freezing up now.
Panel four: Reggie leans forward as he decides to take control the talk Betty rolls her eyes in response to Reggie.
Reggie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're poor and freezing to death. But what about me? I nearly slipped on some ice. I could have twisted my ankle or stubbed my toe, then what??
Jughead off-panel: We root for the groundhog to see his shadow.
Panel one: Archie and the gang are shocked to see Jughead standing in front of their table as he is wearing summer clothes, a tank top, shorts, and flip flops. Jughead is reaching over to grab one of Veronica's french fries as she glares at him.
Betty: Jughead! What are you wearing?
Jughead: A smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Panel two: Veronica moves over as Jughead begins to sit down. Jughead reaches over and grabs Veornica's plate of French friends.
Veronica: You're a nut. This just confirms it. You are insane.
Jughead: I like to think me deciding to sit next to you is more of a lapse is judgment.
Jughead: Oh, and nice coat. Katy Keene?
Panel three: Archie talking with Jughead as he just shrugs his shoulders. Veronica flicks a french fry at Jughead, but he reaches over with his right hand to snatch it.
Archie: What she means is, it's twenty degrees and coming a snow storm, Jug. And you're dressed like you're at the beach.
Archie: Aren't you cold?
Panel four: Jughead continues to eat as the others are startled by his
Jughead: Eh, I don't think about the temperature one way or the other.
Panel one: An excited Betty is talking as she thinks she understands how Jughead can take freezing weather so easily. Reggie just sneers.
Betty: I get it!
Betty: Mind over matter! He's not thinking about the cold, so he's not cold!
Panel two: Reggie points a finger at Jughead as Jughead finishes the last of Veronica's fries much to her annoyance as Archie cozies up to her and tries to keep her calm.
Reggie: Mind over matter only works if you have enough mind to actually matter!
Panel three: Jughead stands up feigning being insulted.
Jughead: I don't have to take this! I came all the way to be with my dearest friends and mooch a free meal, not to be insulted...
Panel four: Jughead is walking away as he has grabbed Veronica's burger. Veronica looks like she's about to get up and pounce on Jughead as Archie barely holds her back.
Jughead: ...So I'll just settle for a brief chit-chat and carry out.
Panel five: Jughead, at the door to The Chocklit Shoppe, is eating the burger as a shivering bundled up Ethel is beginning to enter as a giant snowy wind envelops her.
Ethel: J-J-Jugg-gg-i-ee....I-I-I can't feel my nose...
Panel six: Jughead just casually walks past her into the snow without a second though leaving Ethel dumbfounded.
Jughead: Who makes a point to feel their nose?
Panel one: Betty is scolding Reggie as Reggie snorts his nose.
Betty: Reggie, I think you hurt his feelings.
Reggie: That was the intention.
Panel two: Reggie talking as he slams his fists on the table, knocking his French fries and burger into the air.
SFX: BAM BAM
Reggie: You guys are acting like he's smart because he's not thinking about being cold! Einstein didn't become a genius by not thinking!
Panel three: Archie is talking as Veronica agrees.
Archie: Maybe he is thinking. I've heard if you picture tropical islands, hot cocoa, you do feel warm.
Veronica: I've seen it. One of daddy's business partners had a stitch put in his heart and after was always cold, even in room temperature.
Veronica: He saw a specialist and by picturing an island, he's fine.
Panel four: Reggie is standing up and slamming his jacket down on the table as it causes vibrations that nearly knock over and spill plates of food and drinks.
Reggie: If that closed eyed goof and some guy with a weak ticker can do it, so can Reggie Mantle!
Panel one: Reggie is at the door as he begins to take of his gloves and scarf.
Reggie: Think warm. Simple enough for a simpleton, so no problem for me.
Panel two: A close up on Reggie's closed eyes.
Panel three: Reggie opens his eyes wide as each have a different image in the pupil. His right eye has an image of a fire and the other has an image of a desert complete with cow skull sweating.
Panel four: Reggie runs out the door as he is sweating profusely. Several people in winter clothes look on shocked at Reggie.
Reggie: Wow! I need some air! It's too darn hot!
Panel one: Reggie is imaging himself on an island as he begins to take off his shirt.
Reggie: Now this is more like it!
Reggie: I can't believe that this mind over matter junk actually works!
Panel two: Back to reality as a shirt less and barefoot Reggie skips past Chuck and Nancy as they look at him like he's crazy as the snow storm intensifies.
Reggie singing: Sunshine...sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy...!
Panel three: Back to Reggie's fantasy as he is covering himself in sand as he happily smiles to himself.
Reggie: This is great! I've never felt so good!
Panel four: Still on the imaginary island as Jughead holding two ice cream cones is casually walking up to Reggie
Jughead: So, Reg, how's tricks?
Reggie: No tricks, dweeb. My glorious, brilliant mind. I'm thinking of warmth, and I'm nice and toasty. Almost as perfect as I am.
Panel five: Jughead hands Reggie the extra ice cream cone.
Jughead: That's nice. You scream for ice cream?
Reggie: Don't mind if I do.
Panel one: Reggie is taking a lick of the ice cream as he has a giant smile on his face.
Reggie: Ah, nothing beats cold ice cream on a hot day.
Panel two: Reggie' eyes begin to enlarge as he begins to think about winter.
Reggie: Cold like ice cream, cold like ice, cold like winter, cold like...cold like!...
Panel three: Reggie's imaginary island shatters as reality begins to overtake it as Reggie begins to turn blue and his nose begins to have icicles down it.
Panel four: Reggie is leaping out the snow bank he was imagining was sand as he is bright blue and freezing as Jughead casually looks on as he catches the stray ice cream cone as it escapes from Reggie's open palm. Several bystands look on. In the background the snow knight is in front of the kids raising his sword in victory.
Reggie: LIKE ME!!!
Reggie: I'M FREEZING!!!
Panel one: Jughead looks on as Reggie is running down the street with arms wrapping over his chest and bent over as he plows past several people. Behind Jughead, Archie, Betty, and Veronica are walking up to Jughead as they miss seeing Reggie.
Archie: Jug, I thought I heard Reggie scream. Is something wrong with him?
Jughead: There's something right with him?
Panel two: Jughead extends an ice cream cone as Archie, Betty, and Veronica react to it like it's a knife as they shiver and try to pull their coats and jackets tighter around them as if to protect themselves
Jughead: Rocky road. My treat. Any taker?
Betty: Um...I think we'll pass. Thanks.
Panel three: Jughead is walking away as he is licking both ice cream cones as several people look at Jughead in confusion. In the background, Archie, Betty, and Veronica are rubbing their hands together to get warm after just seeing the ice cream. On the street, the snowknight is running for its life as a snowplow chases after it. On the snow plow "THE DRAGON' is painted on the side.
Jughead: "Think". That's their problem. They put way too much thought into everything.
Just my usual Power Rangers, Transformers, dropped TMNT to get Amazing Spider-Man and I really like it.
But good news is that I got some money back from my healthcare insurance so I actually have extra money. So I'm probably going to get Vamperonica because, eh, it's October. I haven't heard much about it, but the covers look good.
Panel one: Archie is in detention as Mr. Weatherbee is watching the class. It is only Archie with Jughead in the background writing "I will not eat during class" with one hand while using the other to eat a kielbasa. Archie has his head resting on the chair as he frowns.
Mr. Weatherbee: Scowl all you want, Archie, but it's your own fault for amassing the tardies.
Panel two: Archie raises his head up as Archie uses his hands and fingers to motion in different directions about how his schedule and classes are set up and where in Riverdale they are from one another.
Archie: But it's not fair! One period I have class in the main building, but the next is all the way in the auxiliary building to the right, then downs stairs on the left and back and upstairs...
Archie: ...And that's not factoring getting and putting books in my locker in the downstairs main building and bathroom breaks! Plus the halls are crowded!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee waves off Archie's objections as Archie rolls his eyes as Mr. Weatherbee gloats.
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, all factors are taken into your schedule and classes. You just dilly dally. I faced the same problems as a lad and I was never late for class once...
Mr. Weatherbee: In fact, I bet I could get to your classes in record time.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee yells and points at Archie as Archie tries to play innocent.
Mr. Weatherbee: I saw that, Mr. Andrews!
Archie: Saw?! Saw what?!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee points at his eyes with two fingers.
Mr. Weatherbee: You rolling your eyes like that lone marble inside of your head!
Panel three: Archie tries to ease the argument but Mr. Weatherbee folds his arms.
Archie: I'm sorry, sir, but I don't see how you can handle going class to class because of you're...
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee waves his arms in the air as he yells at Archie.
Mr. Weatherbee: Because I'm too old?? Out of shape?? Is that it?!
Panel five: Archie innocently nods his head as Mr. Weatherbee gives the reader an aside glace.
Archie: Yes, exactly. Glad you understand so I didn't have to say it out loud.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee slams a piece of paper and a pen down on Archie's desk as Archie looks on dumbfounded.
Mr. Weatherbee: I'll prove my point! Jot down your schedule for tomorrow.
Panel two: Archie is talking to Mr. Weatherbee as he becomes even more flustered.
Archie: But, sir, I'll be leaving on a field trip tomorrow.
Mr. Weatherbee: And your point being?
Panel three: Archie continues to write down his schedule as he has his tongue sticking out to the left of his face as he focuses on it. Mr. Weatherbee's eyes light up in surprise.
Archie: That I won't be here to see how you do.
Mr. Weatherbee: !!!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is yelling at Archie as Archie leans back as far as possible as Mr. Weatherbee gets in his face.
Mr. Weatherbee: I'll have you know I'm an honorable, trustworthy man! Or are you saying otherwise?
Archie: I will never say the o-word ever again, sir.
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee snatches the paper from Archie's desk as he motions for Archie and Jughead to leave.
Mr. Weatherbee: Good.
Mr. Weatherbee: Time is up. You boys head on out, and I hope not to see you in this room ever again.
Jughead: That's what I like about The Bee, Arch. He's a dreamer.
Panel six: Mr. Weatherbee smirks as he examines the list.
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: Hah! Some Herculean task! Merely a hop, skip, jump away each!
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: A waste of my precious time for sure, but it will eliminate this particular excuse from Archie's repertoire.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is in the main hall way as various students are standing around and talking. Mr. Weatherbee has his briefcase with him as he looks on confidently.
Mr. Weatherbee: There. In the main hallway at the lockers. A fair starting point!
Panel two: The bell suddenly rings as Mr. Weatherbee begins to prepare to move as all the students stop what they are doing as they all look frantic.
Panel three: It turns into a stampede as Mr. Weatherbee is caught in the middle of a wave of student as he is taken quickly by surprise at the morning rush and is falling backwards.
Mr. Weatherbee: Awck! Hey! File into a single line! A single line!!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is on his back with several footprints on his person to show how badly get go ran over. Next to Mr. Weatherbee is his briefcase as it has been knocked open with his papers and folders trampled and scattered everywhere.
Mr. Weatherbee: A small delay at best.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee runs to Ms. Ashton's door as he is panting profusely.
Mr. Weatherbee: (pant pant)
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee looks his watch to see he is a minute late.
Mr. Weatherbee: Late?!
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee begins to stretch as Svenson is sweeping away a giant pile of garbage with his broom as he looks over at Mr. Weatherbee with a thought balloon of an acorn over his head.
Mr. Weatherbee: ...Well, that's understandable! I didn't stretch. My joints locked up on me. I have to forget I'm not the man I used to be!
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is getting a drink of water from a water fountain as he continues to talk.
Mr. Weatherbee: Water. Just what I need. I'll just be sure to get a small sip at each one like a runner would a marathon and I'll be in perfect shape start of next period!
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee is going up a set of stairs as he is panting heavily as he looks like he wants to collapse. Behind him is Reggie, Chuck, Trula Twyst, Sherry, and Sayid. Reggie is whispering to Chuck as Chuck responds. Trula Twyst is reading a book while Sherry is showing Sayid a picture on her smart phone and shoving it right into his face as he smiles at her while moving his head away.
Mr. Weatherbee: Huff Puff
Panel six: An embarrassed Mr. Weatherbee waves goodbye to the students behind him as the bell rings for the next class. Each student has an exemption slip. Reggie reads his slip outloud as Chuck just shrugs his shoulders.
Mr. Weatherbee: There. Give these exemption slips to your teachers.
Reggie: "Late because of influx of gravity."
Chuck: Mine says, "too many steps not enough pep."
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is running down stairs as students move out of his way as best they can with Dilton running like Indiana Jones from the boulder.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hah! Now gravity is my ally! My best friend!
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee runs into a hallway as Prof. Flutesnoot tries to talk to him.
Prof. Flutesnoot: Mr. Weatherbee! I was hoping to see you to discuss plans for—
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee runs past Flutesnoot as Flutesnoot looks on in confusion.
Mr. Weatherbee: I won't be late to class this time!
Prof. Flutesnoot: ?
Panel four: Mr. Weatherbee is running past a bathroom as he has a smile ear to ear.
Mr. Weatherbee: Hah! Got into the groove on the very last period! This should be good enough to prove to Archie...
Panel five: Mr. Weatherbee suddenly stops
Mr. Weatherbee: !!
Panel six: A shot of the boys bathroom as the bell rings signaling for class.
Mr. Weatherbee in bathroom: Drat!!
Panel one: Archie is getting off the school bus from his field trip as Mr. Weatherbee is waiting for him. Archie is walking up to greet him as Mr. Weatherbee is hesitant to go into detail. Behind Archie is Betty and Veronica fighting to be the next one off the bus to follow after Archie.
Archie: Hello, Mr. Weatherbee. How did you do going from class to class?
Mr. Weatherbee: (cough cough) Perhaps I...I underestimated your schedule a smidgen/
Panel two: Mr. Weatherbee smiles as he puts a hand on Archie's shoulder as he
Mr. Weatherbee: Archie, come to my office and I will have Ms. Philips rearrange your classes things more favorably.
Panel three: Archie is reluctant as Mr. Weatherbee holds rubs his chin as he comes up with an idea.
Archie: Gee, sir. As rough as my schedule is...I really like my teachers and everyone in my classes.
Mr. Weatherbee: I see...
Mr. Weatherbee: I may have another solution to your dilemma.
Panel one: Mr. Weatherbee is on monitor duty as he smiles as Archie steps out of the school elevator as he smiles and waves at Mr. Weatherbee.
Mr. Weatherbee: How goes it, Archie?
Archie: Actual minutes early! It's great!
Mr. Weatherbee: Well, don't let me slow you down, young man.
Panel two: Archie heads towards Miss Grundy's classroom and goes inside as he waves goodbye to Mr. Weatherbee. Betty and Veronica are looking at Archie as both look at him enviously.
Veronica: Betty, why does Archiekins get to use the school elevator?
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: Because yesterday I walked in Archie's shoes...
Panel three: Mr. Weatherbee's knees are aching as he uses the wall to help him stay up right and move to help illustrate his logic.
Mr. Weatherbee thinking: ...And if I have to do it again, It'll be with as few steps as possible!!
Panel one: The setting is Riverdale High as Reggie is standing next to the high school trophy case as he is trying to showcase the trophies he's won to Tomoko and Bobbi. They turn to him as Tomoko has her phone out as a video is playing.
Reggie: --And that's how I won state. I mean, yeah, I had "teammates" but hey, superheroes have sidekicks, am I right?
Tomoko's phone: Okay, this looks like—aaaahhhyyyeaaah!
Panel two: Bobbi and Tomoko go back to looking at her phone as teen has dyed his hair bright green as he is doing a Let's Play video. A small box of him as he smiles is at the top right corner as we see his character successfully unlock a chest containing a map. Reggie is in the background fuming at being annoyed as he moves his arms along the trophy case.
Mikeylator on Tomko's phone: Finally! We've gotten the last map, now to find the real treasure—next installment!
Tomoko: Hah! Those jumpscares are amazing!
Panel three: Bobbi and Tomko are talking with one another as Reggie is in the background jumping up and down waving his arms in the air to get their attention. Mr. Weatherbee is at Reggie with a question mark over his head.
Bobbi: Say, I had a great idea for The Blue and Gold. An interview with our local celebrity Mikeylator!
Tomoko: Great idea, chief!
Panel four: Bobbi and Tomoko are walking away completely disregarding Reggie as Reggie is pulling at his hair and stomping his feet to show how angry he is. Mr. Weatherbee looks up and is alarmed to see a giant red question mark just floating above his head.
Tomoko: We have the same free period, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. He's a really nice guy.
Reggie: Hey! I should be getting the interview! I am the local celebrity! I'm—descent on rare occasions!!
Panel one: Reggie is walking down the hallway as he is still fuming over being ignored. In the background, Mr. Svenson is opening a supply closet and is tossing the giant red question mark inside as Mr. Weatherbee smiles in approval. The supply closet is filled with various other marks of punctuations and caption boxes of various sizes.
Reggie: Those two don't know what they're missing! I'm a god amongst ants!
Panel two: Reggie starts to smile as he tries to wave them off as he turns a corner.
Reggie: What am I getting worked up about? This is Riverdale High! A cute girl is right around each corner, waiting for me!
Panel three: In the background Reggie nearly falls to the ground in shock. In the foreground, Mikeylator (who is wearing a bright blue shirt and red jeans) is signing autographs from: Betty, Veronica, Trula Twyst, Ethel, Sheila Wu, Sherry, Maria, Ginger Lopez, and The Twitters. Betty and Veronica each give him a kiss on the cheek as he blushes. Trula Twyst is writing on a notepad as she examines him. Sheila Wu and Ginger admire his fashion sense and Sherry is giving him a cheer. Mikeylator is very humble and bashful at all the attention he's getting.
Betty: And here's for conquering Six Saturdays at Sid's on 20/200/2,000 mode!
Veronica: Double the kisses mode!
Trula: So when you play games, do you feel like a different person?
Ginger Lopez: Wow. What a dresser.
Sheila Wu: I know. It just inspires you.
Panel one: Reggie looks like he's going to explode as he balls his fists and his eyes turn to flames as Dilton is about to run past him.
Reggie: I don't—I can't—how is he more popular than me!!?
Panel two: Reggie grabs Dilton by his shoulders and pulls him back so he can question him.
Reggie: C'mere you! I have questions only a nerd can answer!
Panel three: Dilton is adjusting his glasses as he points at Mikeylator as the girls surround him and he is trying his best to pass by while keeping a humble manner about him as he tries to keep them at bay.
Reggie: What's going on!? Why is that blue light special attracting high quality girls?
Dilton: Oh, Mikey? He has a series of Let's Play on Itube that are quite trendy.
Panel four: Reggie rolls his eyes as he listens to Dilton.
Dilton: He has several million subscribers and just as many twitter followers.
Reggie: Unreal. I play actual important games and this geek sits at his computer and just talks about stupid pixels...
Panel five: Reggie is confident as he thinks he's found something that he has more than Mikeylator. Reggie pats his backpocket containing his well sized wallet.
Reggie: Hah! Y'know what, he can have all the girls in the world, but he won't be able to keep them if he can't afford them!
Dilton: Um, actually...
Panel six: Mikeylator walks by as he is looking at his wallet as it is nearly bursting with money as the girls continue to follow after him and blow kisses in his direction. In the background Reggie's jaw drops as Dilton explains what is obvious now.
Dilton: Mikeylator's videos are sponsored by several corporations, so he is financially secured.
Panel one: Reggie rubs his chin with his index finger as he thinks all he money he can be making. Reggie has a thought balloon of money being downloaded out of his computer as he dances around like a lunatic.
Reggie: So a guy only has to play games on line, upload them for people to see...and he can get paid for it?
Panel two: Dilton tries to talk Reggie out of it as Reggie walks past him pumping his fist as he has a smirk across the right side of his face.
Dilton: Well, there's more too it, you have to be personable and your gaming skills need to be—
Dilton: Do I even need to glance down at the next panel to know what's going to happen?
Caption: Let's see...
Panel three: Reggie is in his room as he is at his computer and downloading Ghosty Mosty's Boo House of Fright (Ghost Mosty looks like Casper only with a wrinkled white cloth and wearing a top hat). Reggie is adjusting camera to focus on him even more.
Reggie: Set up an Itube account, downloading some "scary" game—Hah!
Reggie: Now, to start playing and let the magic happen.
Page 5 In each panel is a small box overhead to show Reggie or his room. The rest of the panel is a game so it looks like a Let's Play video. All the game shots are in first person. In the Reggie box, behind Reggie his door and various items in his room can be seen.
Panel one: Reggie is sneering at the game title: GHOSTY MOSTY'S BOO HOUSE OF FRIGHT) as the title character waves hello to him as the haunted house is behind him.. Reggie is mocking the character by having a dopey smile and waving his entire arm.
Reggie: This is the "scary game." Watching Jughead eat with his mouth open is scarier than this!
Panel two: Reggie pounds his chest as his player pushes past Ghosty Mosty to enter the haunted house.
Reggie: Outta my way. I'm exorcising your home!
Panel three: Reggie rolls his eyes at the cartoonish landscape of the haunted mansion as a goofy looking skeleton is pointing to a door on the right along a hallway with several doors on each side.
Reggie: They pull these graphics from a cartridge game? I know where to go! I'm exceptional at everything I do, bonehead!
Panel four: Reggie's character enters the door to see it much scarier and much more detailed with spider webs and green slime oozing through cracks in the dark granite wall. Reggie stops goofing around as he's taken by surprise by what he sees.
Reggie: ...Okay, this is different. Still, I'm not worried. I laugh at the face of death and snicker at Ms. Grundy behind her back. What can this game do?
Panel five: A cut out of a cartoonish zombie springs from a wall as Reggie's hair stands on end and he screams in fright.
Panel six: The same shot in the game panel. In the Reggie panel, Reggie is running out of his room terrified out of his life.
Panel one: Back to Riverdale High as Reggie is angrily walking down the hallway as Dilton waves hello to him. Reggie points behind him as he looks like he wants to punch someone.
Dilton: So how went your first experience as an online gamer?
Reggie: You got two ears and four eyes, use them, genius!!
Panel two: Behind Reggie everyone in the hallway is laughing at him. Jughead is leaning against a locker as he quips at him. Betty is trying to be nice to Reggie, but can't stop from laughing. Veronica is much more open. Archie is on his phone and watching it with Kevin Keller as both are snickering. Mikeylator looks over and shrugs his shoulder as he is just indifferent. Chuck is opening a locker as a cardboard cut out of Ghosty Mosty falls out in front of Moose and Midge. Midge is mocking Reggie by playfully hiding behind Moose as Moose plays along as he makes his teeth chatter and makes his knees buckle. Reggie turns and glares at Dilton as Dilton sheepishly rubs the back of his head and looks away from Reggie's glare.
Jughead: It was real nice of your mom to walk you back to your room, Reg Man.
Dilton: Well, in a fashion, you are more popular than you were yesterday.
Page one: A splash page split n half of Archie Andrews and Veronica.
Archie is in his car with a determined look on his face as he is driving. Archie is looking over at the reader and giving them a thumbs up to show he plans on winning today's lover quarrel. Veronica is at her mirror in her room checking herself out as she smiles confidently.
Caption: Welcome to Lover Quarrel where couples compete for dominance!
Caption: Here is Archie Andrews. All American Teen.
Caption: A fool in love. He is determined to make tonight his night.
(Split for Veronica)
Caption: Here is Veronica Lodge. Heiress.
Caption: If love is a battlefield, she's the general.
Panel one: Archie looks at his watch as he parks in the Lodge estate.
Caption: The date isn't until 8, but you're a half hour early. I see...
Panel two: Archie is waving his arms off as a ref would signal a field goal not being good as he kicks his door closed. As he does, a hubcap falls off his car unnoticed by him.
Caption: So you're not going to let Veronica set the early tone.
Panel three: Veronica is looking out her window as she smirks down at Archie.
Caption: A clever ploy, but is it enough?
Panel four: Veronica, in her casual clothess sits in a chair as she begins texting on her phone as she looks at her alarm clock that is reading 8:15
Caption: Seemingly not! This is your homefield and you'll go downstairs when you're ready.
Caption: Possibly after another ten minutes or so of texting followed by another twenty picking out the right attire, another twenty for your hair...
Panel five: Archie is unhappy as he looks at his watch angrily as he realizes they're going to be late as he sits in the living area of the Lodge Mansion as Smithers gives him a sympathetic pat on the back.
Caption: A nice try, sir, but once again, you're starting the game in a deficit.
Panel one: Archie is looking at his phone and shows it to the reader. In the background, Veronica is coming down a set of stairs.
Caption: Oh, so you have a backup plan?
Panel two: Veronica leans against the railings of the staircase as she tries to get Archie's attention. Archie isn't paying her any attention as he is texting on his phone as a smile curls across his face.
Caption: Here it is, your grand entrance. If not your natural beauty, the anticipation should have broken him...
Panel three: Veronica looks at Archie to see he is not paying any attention to her at all.
Caption: ...But no! He's playing on his phone! The nerve!
Panel four: Veronica stomps towards Archie as Archie is smiling and laughing as he nearly falls out of his chair
Caption: I wonder what's so funny?
Panel five: Veronica snatches the phone from Archie to his surprise.
Panel six: Veronica is embarrassed as her cheeks turn red. On the phone is an image of Veronica wearing a face mask, her hair all messed up and wearing a blue robe in the Cooper bathroom as Veronica in the picture protests. In the bathroom mirror, we can see Betty taking a recording Veronica with her cellphone.
Caption: Betty! Your friendemy! Supplying Archie with armaments! How will you respond to this shot across the bow?
Panel one: Veronica is bending down and yelling at Archie, right in his face as Archie has a blank expression on his face as he is tuning her out. Veronica is waving both her hands in the air.
Panel two: Veronica is holding her hair into a ponytail and doing the beheading cut throat across her neck to show what she plans to do to Betty when she sees her again. In the background, a window is beginning to crack.
Caption: The volume is enough to shatter eardrums!
Panel three: Veronica waves a fist in the air, points at Archie, and stomps her foot to show what will happen to him if he pulls this stunt again.
Caption: The harsh words—soul shattering. Any other man's confidence would have been broken...
Panel four: Veronica notices that Archie still has the same blank expression on his face as he is tuning her out. Archie has a thought balloon of a monkey balancing on a giant yellow ball to show how out of it he is.
Caption: But years of dating, has given Archie the ability to tune out Veronica. He has heard not a single word she's said!
Captain: Maybe the best offense is a good defense.
Panel five: Veronica bonks Archie on the head jolt him back to reality.
Panel six: Archie is holding his head and in pain as Veronica sneers at him while examining her nails. Archie has several red pain stairs coming from his head.
Caption: I stand corrected.
Panel one: Archie and Veronica are in Archie's car as they both have stern, determined looks on their faces. Veronica is looking angrily out the window while Archie is looking straight ahead as he holds his head where he was struck by Veronica.
Caption: What a game thus far!
Caption: As we go to our next venue, our combatants are licking their wounds...
Panel two: Veronica and Archie turn and give each other smiles as they try to show that they are having a wonderful time.
Caption: ...While putting up a front of strength.
Caption: Let's see what each young adult is thinking, shall we?
Panel three: Archie is still smiling as he has a thought balloon of himself as a He-Man like character with Veronica as a princess swooning over him.
Caption: A bit fantastical, but pumping yourself up with thoughts of inner strength and gaining the love of all will boost your confidence and motivate
Caption: But what of lovely Veronica...?
Panel four: Veronica is still smiling as she has a thought balloon of herself in army attire on a battlefield laced with barbwire, mud, and explosion going on all around her. Archie is lying on his stomach defeated as he weakly waves a small white flag. Veronica has a boot on a downed Archie's head as she drives his face deeper into the mud while holding up a flag with her face on it.
Caption: So total domination. No quarter asked, no quarter given. Love is a battlefield and only the beautiful and the bold will win!
Panel five: Archie's car is pulling into Riverdale Cinema.
Caption: Half time is over, and the second half of our contest is about to commence--
Panel one: Archie and Veronica are inside of the Riverdale Cinema as they are looking at a nearby wall and see two movie posters. One movie poster is Good Guys of the Galaxy II with the Good Guys of the Galaxy battling a rock troll. The other poster is A Love Movie with a man and woman kissing with the words (just like any other rom-com you've ever seen!!)
Caption: Ah, the choice. What movie will you two watch? You each know what genre the other prefers, will someone back down?
Panel two: Archie points at the Good Guys of the Galaxy II poster while Veronica points at the The Love Movie.
Caption: Now the true test of wills and wits begins.
Panel three: Archie and Veronica glare at each other as a teenage boy passes by the two.
Caption: Will it be the traditional staring contest?
Panel four: Veronica walks off to Archie's surprise.
Caption: No, it looks like Veronica has something else in mind.
Panel five: In the foreground, Veronica begins to flirt with the teenage boy as she pinches his cheeks as he blushes and has a dopey smile ear to ear. In the background, Archie looks on in frustration.
Caption: Aw, the jealously game! Be careful, Archie Andrews! You're falling into her trap!
Panel six: Veronica looks back and sticks her tongue out at Archie as Archie is enraged with his face turning red and steam coming from his ears.
Panel one: Archie looks at a group of teenage girls as he rubs his face as he has an idea.
Caption: A group of young, attractive ladies, no boyfriends. Fortune and circumstance have smiled upon you this day.
Panel two: Archie begins to take a step. Archie points at his head to show he's thought of what to say.
Caption: So you got it all planned out already? How you'll approach them? A joke leading to an introduction? Just be sure to put your best foot forward.
Panel three: Archie trips over his own two feet and falls on his face.
Panel four: Veronica looks back at Archie flat on is stomach as she smiles triumphantly. She is not paying the teenage boy any attention as she's more focused on watching Archie grovel back to her..
Caption: It looks like your win streak continues, Miss Lodge.
Panel five: Veronica waves off the teenage boy with one hand while looking at her watch on her left hand. The confused teenage boy dejectedly walks away.
Caption: I suppose it is just a matter of seconds before Archie crawls back to you.
Panel one: Veronica has her eyebrows raised in confusion. In the background, the group of teenage girls have gathered around Archie and are helping him up.
Caption: Wait. It looks like Archie isn't out of it yet.
Panel two: Veronica glares at Archie as the teenage girls are dusting Archie off and pulling gum off of his nose as he happily winces.
Caption: How will you respond?
Panel three: Veronica looks over to her side to see two teenage boys talking with one another as they look at a movie poster of Sam Hill.
Caption: Ah, so two can play, I take it.
Panel four: Veronica walks up to the two teenage boys as she twiddles her fingers at them to greet them as she strikes a pose.
Caption: Ah, drawing them in, getting their full attention. Excellent form.
Panel five: Veronica flips her hair, smiles, and motions with her index finger for the two teenage boys to come to her. The two teenage boys look on unmoved.
Caption: Ah, the hair flip, the rosey red lips, and the "come to me" finger wag. Your full arsenal on display!
Panel six: A dumbfounded Veronica looks on, her shoulders slumped, her arms hanging, and her jaw dropped as the two teenage boys hold hands, look lovingly in each others eyes, and walk away without giving Veronica a second thought.
Caption: Did not see that coming, did we?
Panel one: Veronica despondently looks over to see the three teenage girls flirting with Archie as Archie is all smiles. One girl pinches, Archie's freckles as she finds them cute.
Caption: Who could have predicted this turn of events?
Panel two: Veronica sighs as she begins to walk off panel.
Caption: So what is your plan, Veronica? How will you turn this around?
Panel three: Veronica is standing in front of Archie and the girls as she has her head held down in defeat as Archie twists his face in confusion.
Panel four: Veronica makes the "L is for loser" hand gesture over her head to signal defeat. Archie's eyes light up and points at his chest like a Price is Right contestant who can't believe he just won.
Caption: You did it! Archie, you won! She's conceded the battle to you!
Panel five: Archie takes a dejected Veronica by the hand as the group of teenage girls look on angrily, save for the one that liked Archie's freckles who blows kisses at him. Archie is taking giant strides as he pulls a despondent Veronica along.
Caption: You've taken your lumps and bruises over the years, but tonight victory is yours! Soak it all up, Archie!
Panel one: Archie is at the ticket vender as he holds out money to exchange for two tickets. Archie looks to his left off-panel as he is no longer smiling.
Caption: What's the matter? Shouldn't you be happy? For once, you control the date.
Panel two: Archie sympathetically looks over at Veronica who still has her head down as she sheepishly rubs her left arm.
Caption: Oh. I see. You just realized that for you to win, she had to lose.
Caption: But what can you do about it now?
Panel three: Archie walks up to Veronica as Veronica looks up.
Panel four: Archie holds up the tickets to show her it's for The Love Movie as her face lights up.
Caption: Graceful in defeat, humble in victory. You're a class act that any girl would be lucky to have.
Panel five: Veronica kisses Archie as various pink and red hearts come from the heads of both of them.
Caption: And Veronica knows it!
Panel six: Inside of the movie theater, as Veronica and Archie are in the middle aisle as Veronica is resting her head on Archie's left shoulder while Archie has his left arm over her as they both look into each others eyes lovingly.
Caption: Lovers Quarrel. Where ties are the only way to win.
Panel one: Archie is in a parlor room in the Lodge Estate as he accidentally bumps into a vase and breaks it. Veronica tries to grab it at the last second but misses it by inches.
Veronica: Archie! Watch where you're going!
Archie: Ooops. Sorry, Ronnie.
Archie: Um, you think your dad maybe didn't hear that...?
Panel two: Mr. Lodge suddenly slings up the door to the parlor room and is snarling and bent over like the Incredible Hulk as he points at Archie as Archie's face sinks back and his eyes go wide. Veronica takes a giant side step away from Archie and rolls her eyes and whistles as she acts like an innocent bystander.
Mr. Lodge: YOU!!
Panel three: Archie is being tossed from The Lodge Estate by Mr. Lodge as he lands on his belly and chin as several pain stars surround his body. One star has freckles and a bandage being put on by another pain star.
Mr. Lodge: And don't come back here or see my daughter until you meet a certain standard!
Archie: ...What standard, sir?
Panel four: Mr. Lodge slams the door as bruised and dejected Archie turns his shoulder to look back. Archie squints an eye as if slamming the door is causing him even more pain.
Mr. Lodge in the mansion: PERFECTION!!
Panel one: Archie is walking along the sidewalk as he has his hands in his pocket as he is about to kick a can in his path.
Archie: Okay, fine. Maybe I'm not perfect, but I'm at least acceptable. I'd even say I was above average...
Panel two: Archie tries to kick the can, but instead ends up tripping over his own feet as he falls backwards.
Archie: ...Lower above aver---whhooooaaa!
Panel three: Archie is lying on the ground flat on his back as he sadly looks up at the sky. A man picking up cans gets off his scooter and gives Archie a look of pure pity as he puts the can in his half filled trash bag.
Archie: Face it, Andrews. You're as far from perfection as Reggie is to humility.
Panel four: Archie is sitting on the curb as he takes out his phone and begins to explore the internet on Gaggle. In the search engine he has typed in "HELP ON BEING PERFECT." With his free hand he is holding his aching back as the pain star with freckles from before now has a point in a sling.
Archie: But hey, at least when you've hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
Panel five: Archie is on Amazing Shop Store as he sees a book titled HOW TO BE PERFECT by S.A. Fleishman. The price is $24.99. The Kindle version 10.99. Archie has a thought balloon of his money flying out of his pocket to Veronica and Jughead as he sadly looks on.
Archie: This self help book is exactly what I need, but I don't have a red cent to my name and I would never illegally download something that isn't mine.
Archie: There has to be something I can do...
Panel six: Archie is checking the How To Be Perfect out at Riverdale Library as a middle age woman with thick blue glasses and graying black hair stamps the books as she just seems happy to finally have someone at the library. At the counter are several cobwebs on books. In the background is a computer station with the old computer boxes and lines coming from the computers to a circular phone on a nearby stand.
Librarian: Thank you for coming to your local library! Please come back. It gets so lonely thanks to the wi-fi and the apps and phones that text...
Caption: That's right. Libraries do exist. Try them out.
Panel one: Archie is in his living room reading from How To Be Perfect as he gives Vegas a pat on his head as Vegas listens in.
Archie: "The first step is keeping all your entire body straight as you walk around your community for the next two hours to improve and show off your posture."
Panel two: Archie looks down at Vegas. Archie is hopeful about what his about to do while Vegas looks at him apprehensively.
Archie: Guess you can't knock it unless you try it, right, Vegas?
Vegas thinking: That's what I thought when the vet gave me my first vaccination shot.
Panel three: Mr. Andrews is opening the door as Archie walks out and smiles at him. Archie has his entire body stiff and is walking like the old school Frankstein's monster with his arms sticking out straight and walking in long strides without bending his knee. Archie has his neck held up straight. Mr. Andrews drops his briefcase as he is taken back by Archie.
Archie: Hi, dad. I'm going to go for a little walk. Tell mom not to worry about me, I'll grab a small snack at Pop's.
Mr. Andrews: ...Sure, Archie.
Panel four: Mr. Andrews looks back at Archie as Archie awkwardly walks down the street as several neighbors in their yards look on. One neighbor on a riding lawnmower is so focused on Archie, he doesn't notice he's left his yard and is about to hit a fire hydrant on the street.
Mr. Andrews: I was young once. Just like Archie is now. I remember it. But I wasn't crazy.
Mr. Andrews: ...Well, maybe crazy, but not that kind of crazy.
Panel one: Archie is walking down a sidewalk in Riverdale's business section as he seems proud of himself. Everyone on the street is looking at him. On the street is Shrill and Sherry who look on with a confused expression. Nearby a man in a business suit is watching Archie, not noticing an open man hole.
Archie thinking: This isn't even half as bad as I thought it would be!
Panel two: Archie rolls his eyes as he sees Reggie and Simon Silverstein walking towards him. Reggie has his smart phone out and recording Archie while Silverstein chuckles.
Reggie: Look at what we have here. The Walking Lame.
Simon: Too much starch in your wash there, Freckleepuss?
Panel three: Archie walks past Reggie and Simon as they both continue to laugh at him. Archie has a scowl across his face.
Archie: I don't hate the comedians, it's the bad jokes I can't stand!
Panel four: Archie has his head turn as he doesn't notice he is walking straight at Midge who is on her cell phone talking and doesn't notice Archie at all. Next to Midge is Moose who is looking at her lovingly.
Archie thinking: At least I got to deal with the worst Riverdale has to offer all at once. Should be smooth sailing from here.
Panel one: Archie doesn't notice Midge until she is right past his out stretched arms and bumps into her. The positioning looks like Archie is about to give her a hug. Moose's docile mood flips.
Panel two: Archie shifts his eyes to his right to see an angry Moose as Midge ducks under Archie's right arm and rolls her eyes to her left and shifts her lips to her left so show she is expecting something bad to happen.
Panel three: Archie tries to run the best he can without bending his legs and keeping his arms still straight as he darts and weaves around various people on the street. Moose is so confused by what he sees that his anger is completely gone as Midge stands next to Moose and looks on.
Panel four: Archie has fallen over and has his hands and tip toes on the street as he is now stuck and can't move. Moose turns to Midge.
Panel five: Moose and Midge begin to walk away arm in arm as Archie is now trying to hop on is fingers and tip toes to get away from Moose, not knowing that Moose is leaving him alone. Moose and Midge use their free hand and an index finger to swirl a circle over their heads as they both get a good laugh at Archie's antics.
Moose and Midge: Archie.
Panel one: Archie is walking into The Chocklit Shop as he is approaching the counter. Betty is at the counter drinking a small soda as she notices Archie. Pop Tate is cleaning a glass with his wash cloth behind the counter and tries not to laugh at Archie's
Betty: Archie! Um...what'cha doing?
Archie: Oh, um, I heard this helps release chakra.
Pop Tate: Don't forget to visualize a closed red flower opening surrounded by radiant light.
Panel two: Pop Tate gives Archie a small shake in one hand and a small pack of French fries in the other. Betty reaches into Archie's pocket to pull out a few dollars and change.
Archie: Um, I'll get right on that after a small fry and soda. Betts, um, I can't really reach into my pocket so could you...?
Betty: Not a problem.
Panel three: Archie look at the fries and soda in his respective hands and realizes he can't eat them without bending. Betty looks on with a giant smile on her face.
Betty: Still need help?
Archie: Yeah. If you don't mind.
Panel four: Betty is in between Archie's arms and is holding out the soda with a straw so Archie can drink. Archie has a slight smile on his face.
Betty: Not at all.
Panel five: Betty has the end of one French fry in her mouth as Archie begins to eat his way to her like Lady and The Tramp. Archie has several hearts over his head.
Betty: After all, it never hurts to help.
Panel one: Archie is carrying Chunk on his back as he tries to walk up a large hill. Chunk has his usual blank stare, scratching his nose and eating a candy bar. Archie is sweating and straining as his knees buckle as determinedly takes a step. In front of him knelt down is Raj with his camera as he takes a close up on Archie's determined, wincing face. Shrill and Sherry are walking past Archie and Chunk. Sherry is pointing at herself and at Shrill's back, signaling she wants Shrill to carry her down the hill, Shrill responds with an extended hand to signal "NO WAY"
Caption: Chapter 2: Strength. Carry three times your own body weight up and down the tallest hill twenty times.
Panel two: Archie is outside of Mr. Weatherbee's home kissing Wendy Weatherbee. Mr. Weatherbee looks outside his window and is fuming with rage. Wendy's pet snake is looking up at a tree to see a rabbit, hanging from his feet on a branch, try to tempt it with an apple. The snake is confused to what is happening. Archie shifts his eyes to Mr. Weatherbee timidly, knowing he's in for some trouble.
Caption: Chapter 3: Bravery. Stand Up To Fear: Put Yourself In Mortal Danger With Life Or Death Repercussions.
Panel three: Archie is inside of Mama B's Bakery as Archie has lost another arm wresting contest to Big Vic at the bakery counter. Big Vic is barely trying as he has his head turned and is mixing a bowl of cake mix with a wooden spoon. Vic even not trying his hardest is able to cause Archie to flip before falling to the ground. Mama B is in the background near a small dry erase board as she has filled it up with marks to show how many times Vic has defeated Archie. Jughead is looking on as he is eating a brownie and giving Archie a not so sincere thumbs up for the effort.
Caption: Chapter 4: Determination. Challenge the strongest person you can find to a test of strength and not stop until you win.
Panel four: Archie is with Jinx Malloy as disaster is heading straight for Archie at every turn. A black cat is leaping at Archie, an earthquake is ripping into the street below him, an airplane is crashing just behind him, and lightning is striking at his left foot. Archie has a look of pure terror as he has his arms over his face to shield himself from the cat and has lifted his left leg to his chest and is just standing on his right leg as he loses balance. Archie has bird poop in his hair, thorns on his clothes, and gum on the bottom of his left shoe that stretches all the way from the ground to his shoe. Jinx is happy to have company and is walking ahead, not away of anything that is happening to Archie.
Caption: Chapter 5: Generosity. Show companionship to the person who needs it the most.
Panel one: Archie is in his room lying on his bed, exhausted as he holds How To Be Perfect In A Day above his head as he begins to read it.
Archie: The last chapter!
Panel two: A low angle view as we look to the left of Archie as we read along with him the next two pages. The first page on the left reads: Chapter 6: Endurance. Stay awake the rest of the night to show you have the mental fortitude for perfection. The right page reads: Turn only if you fell asleep.
Panel three: Archie has a tired smile on his face as he is confident he can do it.
Archie: Just that? That's easy! I've got this in the bag!
Panel four: Archie has an even bigger smile ear to ear as he closes his eyes as he begins to image what being perfect will be like.
Archie: I can't wait to show Mr. Lodge the new me! Mr. Perfect. I can see it now...
Panel one: A new more muscular Archie wearing a suit and tie is walking with an awestruck Veronica as she fawns all over him and feels his muscles. Archie is using his right hand to straighten his tie. As Archie gives a giant grin, his teeth give off a giant twinkle.
Veronica: I can't believe this change in you, Archie! You're the perfect boyfriend now!
Perfect Archie: I'm perfect in everyway possible. That's why I'm Mr. Perfect.
Panel two: Archie has his hand on the Lodge Mansion door knob as he begins to open it.
Perfect Archie: Now, to show you father what perfection personified looks like.
Panel three: Perfect Archie and Veronica look on in terror as the entire mansion collapses in one giant heap.
Panel four: Mr. Lodge is beginning to dig himself out of a pile of rubble as his suit is torn and his glasses bent and broke. While this is going on an angry Veronica is glaring at Perfect Archie.
Perfect Archie: But I'm perfect now. I...I...I don't understand what happened.
Mr. Lodge: I do...
Panel five: The battered Mr. Lodge suddenly is in front of Archie and grabbing him by the collar of his suit and looking him in the eye as he screams with his mouth extended three times larger than normal. Perfect Archie has a look of pure shock on his face.
Mr. Lodge: YOU FELL ASLEEP!!!
Panel one: Archie is sitting up in bed with the book opened where he left it just beside him.
Panel two: A dejected Archie looks out the window to see the sun shining in to show that it is morning and he had fallen asleep about when he closed his eyes on the last panel of page 8.
Panel three: A hopeful Archie looks down at the book as it has landed page up right where he had left off.
Archie: Okay, just one little slip up, maybe there's a second chance, a life line, an extra life!
Panel four: A wide eyed Archie looks at the book in shock as the next two pages have large print reading: YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE.
Panel five: Archie closes the book as he has a defeated look on his face
Archie: (sigh). Mr. Medicore from his feet to his freckles to his red hair. Now and forever.
Panel one: Archie, book under his arm, is walking towards the Riverdale Library with his head held down in defeat and shame as Veronica is running up towards him holding out her smart phone.
Veronica: Archie Andrews! Where have you been! You haven't answered my texts!
Veronica: And what are all these videos of you posted online!? Especially the ones with Betty!!
Panel two: Archie sadly holds up the book as Veronica looks down at it as her eyebrows furrow to show she's beginning to get angry.
Archie: Ronnie...I checked out this book on being perfect, that way I'd be worthy of you...but I blew it.
Archie: I'm just typical at best.
Panel three: Veronica glares at Archie and points a finger at his nose as Archie bends his back over slightly.
Veronica: Typical?! Veronica Lodge does not deal in "typical".
Veronica: You're perfect just as you are and if you dare go behind my back with a harebrained stunt like this again, I'll wallop you!
Panel four: Archie has a smile from ear to ear as Veronica blushes as she shifts her eyes.
Archie: Wait...you think I'm perfect already??
Veronica: Well, your car is a jalopy fit only for the scrap yard and your choice in best friends is atrocious...but overall I wouldn't change one aspect of Archie Andrews.
Panel five: Archie is walking away with a smile on his face. In the background, Veronica is wide eyed with uncertainty.
Archie: Thanks, Ronnie! You're close to perfect yourself!
Panel six: A high angle view Archie is walking up to the steps of The Riverdale Library as a frantic Veronica follows after him.
Veronica: What's wrong? Is it my hair?
Veronica: Not enough make-up? Too much perfume?
Veronica: Archie Andrews, if you don't tell me what's wrong with me, I won't speak to you ever again!!
Panel one: A high angle view of the S.A. Fleischman estate as it is a beautiful mansion with several sports cars parked in the driveway. Around the estate is a perfect fence with the gates having his initials engraved in the middle.
Caption: Perfect home.
Caption: Perfect cars.
Caption: Perfect enclosure.
Panel two: A close up on a trophy room filled with awards and medals.
Caption: Perfect at sports.
Panel three: A close up on a 65 inch flat screen where a video game is being played of HARP (Halo remake) where the player (S.A. Fleischman) has a perfect as Leader Paramount is giving a thumbs up with purple AI female companion with a pixie cup standing over a trounced alien enemy. At the left corner of the panel we see the shoulder of S.A. Fleischman as he is wearing a blue shirt with a red sweater best.
Caption: Perfect entertainment system.
Caption: Perfect score.
Panel four: S.A. Fleischman slumps in his chair totally dejected and bored with his life even though he is surrounded by perfect works of art and in a perfect parlor that has it's own bar.
Let' s see $13 dog bed, $10 flea and tick spray for carpet, $10 flea shampoo, $25 flea pill, $15 depo allergy shot. All for an eighteen year old dog. And people wonder why I only review old and free comics...
But enough of my problems it's time to review STARTUP ISSUE ONE
Renee Garcia-Gibson is a single mother, a stenographer, and also over three hundred pounds. And after a day of jeers, jokes, and embarrassment, Renee is offered a chance to kick her life into overdrive. This is StartUp.
The writing: It's a neat concept and I really like Renee. It's hard not to root for a good person who just is taking grief from everyone. Her son, Malcolm doesn't want to be seen with her at school, single mom, mocked by everyone, and just nothing seemingly going her way. I like how her being a stenographer is worked into the story, like her knowing who The Cloud are and how they navigate around the law. And The Cloud is an interesting idea, a bunch of people who just want to fight heroes. And she has a great hero moment with how to deal with Glut. It's hard to not like a character that perseveres in a universe that seems to enjoy making her miserable.
And the story does what a first issue should do. Introduce the main characters, plot, theme, leave wanting more. We get a good introduction on who the supporting cast will be (son, grandmother, love interest) It's a good origin story. The humor is good, the story pacing is excellent, Renee narrating was a great idea for the story.
There is lot of moments in this comic that I think most people can relate to with how being different can lead to low self-esteem, lack of luck in love, and just various forms of embarrassment or harassment. And Darin Henry dealt with it extremely well.
The art. I'm going to be honest, I have a lot of problems with the art from Craig Rousseau for this issue, but it's not all bad. Renee is drawn well. When StartUp gets her powers the action's really good. I like the blurring of her to show her super speed. Renee looks good throughout the comic (baring the inking). And there's even a fun bit of background where a man is taking picture of Crunch while a female looks angrily at him and a family covering their eyes.
The coloring and lettering. It's okay. The colors are nice and bright. The lettering is good. I think my favorite is the school kids on page 4. I think they do cover up a bit of a major problem I had for this issue.
The art. Out of all the Sitcomics that I've read, this is the weakest of all the art. The best way to describe it is...wonky and inconsistent. Heck, just check out the candy bar on the first page for that! The people in the background are just distracting. I don't mind if you give dots for eyes or just go super simplistic...if you're consistent on it. And by that I mean, you have people in the background, they don't have noses. At least keep it that way for the page. We're not even getting that the next panels. People are missing noses, mouths, and ears. An example is page 13. And they just...weird. Like the kids on page four. What's up with that blonde kid's nose?
And the art really doesn't show the action in places. Take when Glut knees Dr. Dow. It doesn't look like there is any impact. Compare it to when Renee is fighting The Cloud and Glut. Some times the art is just...When Renee was late and barged into the courtroom, I had no idea that yellow thing was her purse. The cat in Dr. Dow's office just...it looks like a fox in one panel when it's not looking demonic.
And the inking does not help. Take Grannie Rosa. It looks like she got punched in the eye! Lines and lines on people. Yeah, they are important to distinguish age and emotions, facial expressions. But it goes overboard on several pages. Page seven sticks out as bad.
I just couldn't get into Craig Rousseau's artwork.
What I learned from What I read.
First they threw stuff at Santa Claus and then laugh at poor Renee? Why does Philly dislike the overweight so?
Who are you to talk Officer Sam Rollie Pollie? You've got some love holders on you, too!
Dr. Dow's cat is a demonic metamorph with a realty phase shifting collar
Wow. A superhero trying to hide their identity? Been a long time since I've seen that.
The Cloud is Henchmen Uuber.
Pennywise has the formula for instant weight loss. That's why they all float.
Super Strength is not one of Raider's powers.
Dawson Miller—PROSECUTOR OF VILLAINS.
Wolfbarker was Mr. Rollercoaster's defense attorney.
Never be late on a payment to a super villain.
Overall: Yeah, out of all the first issues I've read of Sitcomics this past week, this is the weakest. Mainly because of the art and inking.
Here's the thing, I consider art the most important thing of a comic because, well, let's be honest, if it doesn't look good or appealing your probably not going to stick around for the reading.
I really like the writing, StartUp herself, the humor and social commentary. There's some good ideas focused on. The dialogue and narrative are superb. I'm not a fan of the art, but I wouldn't call it hideous. It's not the Jughead art that nearly drove me insane. Just a little below average for me.
I'd give this comic a C+
And there you have it. Overall I've enjoyed reading Sitcomics. They're fun and well written and I mostly really enjoy the art. Again I recommend going to the Sitcomics home page and taking advantages of the three downloads. Sitcomics themselves are cheap in a market where it costs an arm and leg to pick up multiple titles.
What is it that makes us love them? Our subconscious desire to eat other people? The idea of a stabilized society thrust into chaos by unthinkable and unstoppable forces? We just think zombies are cool?
Probably the latter.
A virus turning normal human beings into flesh eating zombies has hit America. Luckily, the government has been able to quarantine the outbreak to western Pennsylvania. Three million zombies and it is up to six people to tag them until a cure can be found. They are—The Z-People.
And for extra fun, a chilling tale for Barbara Macabre's Morbid Museum.
The story: Hey, if you're going to do a zombie story where there's a ton of zombie media, do something different and Darin Henry did.
It's a really good first issue. We're introduced to the characters, we're thrown right in, and we see where the series will be headed.
The characters are easy to identify: Tim's the leader, Jay's his son, Perry is the know-it-all know nothing, Sandra's the smart one, Joe's the prick mostly likely to get you killed, and Annie is the ambitious reporter now stuck in the rut with everyone else. They all have their own personality and quirks. We get basic background on them as well. Out of the three comics I've recently reviewed for Sitcomics, this has done the best job with getting the reader to know all the main characters of the series.
The humor is great. Just for someone doing what I always wanted to see: throwing the dumb jerk to the ravenous hordes after they mess up beyond forgiveness. Perry being annoying, but ending up being proven right in his definition of zombies was fun. How the characters survive is cute. And President Warner being a perfect caricature of what a the POTUS has become (No not a Trump homage...well, there is a Putin joke) pretty much just a no nothing who does the occasional pictures to make himself look good.
And I like the idea of these six people having to work together and tag zombies until a cure can be found. There is a lot of zombie media out there and this idea sets it out from the rest.
And there's a little bit of drama with Tim's wife out there among the mess of flesh eating fiends.
And the Barbara Macabre is a good homage to Tales from the Crypt. Barbara even has the same colored scheme as the animated version. And there's enough difference where I don't believe anyone call call it a ripoff. The Cryptkeeper did puns, Barbara rhymes as she tells the story.
So credit to credit's due, Darin Henry did another great job.
The art. We have art by Tom Richmond and Al Milgrom and they booth do a very good job. There style fits the stories (zombies and a tales from the crypt homage)
Tom Richmond took me awhile to get into, but after I read the story I really liked it. His zombies look great and I like the facial reactions from the main characters. Backgrounds are really well done. Even a funny background event with a zombie bursting in, Perry screaming, and then Tony just whacking it with a club. The art reminds me of the old Now Comics Married with Children comics I used to read as a kid. Art's a little quirky and may take a few pages to get into, but I think most people will end up enjoying it.
And as I stated during the writing section, we're thrown right into these people and the design and clothing of the characters pretty much gives you an idea who these characters are. For example, Sandra is wearing a white lab coat so, she's the smart one. Joe is wearing a business suit, so I had him begged as a jerk when I first saw him. Perry wearing a vest hints at him being a know it all (Trust me, I've seen a lot of smart alecks wearing vests in my life). Clothes make the man and good choices were made to help readers know the characters on the very first page.
Al Milgrom. I'm more used to him as an inker but I like his art here. The art is very old school and it fits the nature of the story. I like how Chester I drawn, just this big, disgusting waste of a human being. I like the Frankenstein monster picture hung in the boss's office and little things like Poopsie Cola. And I appreciate this story not getting disgusting to the point where I get sick reading it. I've got baaaad memories of the Toxic Crusaders comic Marvel Comics produced.
Coloring and Lettering. We get colors from K. Michael Russell and Glenn Whitmore respectively.
Russell does a great job. I really like the coloring and shading of the zombies. Just check out the first few pages with zombies, the water puddle, the moon. It's beautiful. The main, living characters really stand out from his tones. I love the colors he used when Tim just lost it on Joe after Joe destroyed the possible zombie cure.
Whitmore is just great like normal. Even has his own little nice "character enraged" panel. Before the last page, I kind of wish the story had been colored a bit darker, but then when you realize how a character is going to die....yeah, brighter was probably for the best.
Lettering was done by our favorite Marshall of Dodge City and it's the usual great job. I like the giant sound effect when the zombies are breaking into the garage and the main characters freak out. The splash of the green goo. The different colored lettering for important moments (SHUT UP, PERRY said by everyone). The Shove effect motioning like Joe as he's pushed forward was a nice touch. And I like Barbara Macabre's word balloons being darker outlined and warped. And honestly, the sound effects and how they're done, really helps get the fart jokes over for me.
Fart jokes. If you hate fart jokes, you're really not going to like The Barbara Macabre story because that's what a good portion of the jokes are. I was okay with it, but I know people who when they hear a fart joke just give up on the movie or story. Sigh, and to think it was once our greatest human achievement, but we've misused over and over.
Barbara Macabre's....where's the Morbid Museum? Okay, I get that's a fun little take on Tales from the Crypt...but since it's called "Morbid Museum" it would have been nice to have a tiny panel of museum filled with the morbid. Something like Night Gallery would work. It's a nitpick, but I think it would be great to do in the future.
The art. I like the art fine but the first few pages doesn't really add up in Z-People. Our heroes are stuck in a garage they keep making jokes about being disgusting. But it looks just fine. Perry steps in something that—just lines on the floor. I've been in horrible garages and sheds. My uncle grinds up pigs in his work shop. I will take pictures and show you what disgusting truly is!
Coloring. Don't normally bring up mistakes from Whitmore, but Barbara's one good eye keeps changing colors.
What I learned.
Man, Pennsylvania is almost as bad a place to live in as Maine. (Get the reference and be proud of yourself)
PINK SLIME IS PEOPLE!
Tim has the right idea on how to handle hindrances to survival.
They are not zombies they are people inflicted with a virus that turns them into flesh eating monsters.
Green Goo, the ultimate repellant.
Mark Cobb, save for one little incident, had to have been the best security guard if he can go from that to corporate!
In every zombie apocalypse there is one or two idiots who shouldn't survive you wind up stuck with somehow.
Rejected means REJECTED for a reason, people!!
When someone is being pulled away, grab the leg, not the shoe, dummy!
Brody Langenbauch really carried this issue on his back.
Yeah, I really liked it. The stories were good and well written with nice humor. The art really fit the formats. Honestly, I could see people not liking the second story because of the constant rhyming and the fart jokes—but let them write their own review. I really enjoyed reading this comic and I think most people would enjoy it.
Again this, and other Sitcomic titles, first issues are downloadable for free. I'd recommend giving it a chance.
I give it a B+
And next time I'll be reviewing StartUp. Will it zoom ahead or will it trail behind the rest of the pack? Find out soon.
Got a PM from the Sitcomics creator wanting me to review the first issue of his other three series, which are still downloadable from free on the Sitcomics official website. And I decided why not, since I love the inflated sense of self esteem critiquing the hard work of others brings.
I know what you guys are thinking? "PTF, how do we know you weren't bought off to give good reviews like all the other online reviewers?" Listen here, I have pride! I will be my usual fair and impartial self throughout this and all other reviews!
But on an unrelated note before I begin the standard intro—K.C. Undercover is the greatest Disney show ever. Much better than Jessie. The only thing that could possibly rival K.C. Undercover is Shake It Up. But only from 2012 to 2013.
Now that that's out of the way---
For four years, ninth graders Ernie and Marsha have tried to develop telepathic powers. And now—they have. Will Ernie get the girl? Will Marsha help Ernie cheat on tests? It's a whole new world that's open as we delve into...
TELEPATHETIC ISSUE ONE.
The story. This promoted as a "for all ages." And it definitely fits the bill. I wouldn't have a problem with any kid reading this. And the story is fun: two best friends want to develop super powers and finally get one: telepathy. The first issue sets up their lives, both are only the lower social order at school, even below band. It's a real quick read, but it's a fun read. It does most of what a first issue should, introduce the characters, grasp the theme of the series, and the direction it's going. Special note is the subtle foreshadowing and the ending. Awesome.
The characters: Well, we only get to know two of the four main characters (if going by the introduction page) but it's good.
Dirk is the easy going, seemingly confident, eccentric kid who pines for the most beautiful girl in school, but she doesn't take him seriously. And you really root for the guy. While he is a little mischievous, he's a nice kid. And we get some real depth to him. He doesn't have a great relationship with his father (who makes him walk a mile before he can have school lunch) and he opens up to Marsha when he acknowledges he's not what he wishes he was and being a superhero is the only way to get respect.
Marsha. She's more of the straightman, but she does have her quirks. She stresses about a writing contest to the point she feels like she's going to throw up. Bit of a deadpan snarker, which I like. And it's hard to not like a character who supports her idiot friend like she does.
Amy and Beth get the short end of the stick, but we get enough of them to get a good idea on their personality and disposition.
So great work by Darin Henry.
The art. Okay, I'm going to be honest, when I looked at the cover of this issue, I didn't think I would like the art style, but as I read, the art and colors of Blair Shedd became my favorite thing about the issue. I swear, when I was looking at this book, Akiko sprung to my mind. For those not as knowledgeable/not old as dirt like me, it was a fun little book in the nineties where the art style was simple, but the characters had real synergy to them. Same with Telepathetic, best seen with Dirk having to jog his mile in the hallways and the facial reactions throughout the issue.
But what Akiko didn't have going for it was color. The colors really pop. I've given Glen Whitmore heaps of well deserved praise in my reviews and this is very close to that level. The shading and lighting on characters is really good. Just how the shading of hair to the head is something that I don't see in a lot of the Big Two comics (X-Men Gold if someone wants a specific example) Even better, it would have been real easy to just go "White Room" with the Brain Hole, but it is radiant, there's energy to it. And I love the idea of yellow for the flashbacks of Marsha and Dirk trying to develop super powers.
All in all, amazing work by Blair Shedd. But there is one thing I'm more impressed by. The greatest thing I have seen in all of the issues of Sitcomics...maybe even comics I have ever read--
That vest. Seriously, how the heck did that vest with that design stay consistent throughout the entire comic?!! We still can't get an issue where the rocks that comprise Marvel's The Thing look the same after a few panels!! Even if computers were involved, I'm impressed.
Marshall Dillon. Not only does he have the greatest parents ever for giving him that name, but he's a heck of a letterer. I love the designs of the caption boxes. It says something when I go back to look at caption boxes. The sound effects are really well done, especially Adam and his misfortunes at the water fountain. Just great work like normal.
The art. I love the art, but there is one little gripe. On page nine, there's a panel where Ernie's hands are as big as his entire head. So we got a boo-boo in a park of Yogi's.
PDF Files. Adobe Reader has never been a friend.
The intro page: "Or mentally control a basketball so you never miss a shot?" That's not telepathy! That's telekinesis! They are totally different psionic powers!!!
What I learned from what I read
Amy seems like a nice girl, but she has a warped sense of humor.
It's amazing how shutting your mouth leads to discovery.
Adam is like a camel.
Another interpretation of the Brain Hole is what John Byrne used to do when he didn't feel like drawing stuff. Just less shiny.
That Nibbles went hungry.
Cheating, from the right perspective, could be seen as a team building skill.
It takes four years of training to develop telepathy.
Telepathy---THE MOST OVERRATED POWER EVER!
Marsha should forget these short story contests. They're rigged. And no, I'm not a sore loser. My story had tens and nines marked before they made them all six's!!
Apparently the Brain Hole is open to everyone.
Yeah, this was a really great issue. There's only the minorest of complaints. It's a really great comic that I think everyone can enjoy. And you can check out this book and other Sitcomic books as the first issues are available for free.
It's an A for this issue
And next time I'll be reviewing Z-People. Will it hold up or will it be a dead duck that feasts geese and other parkland critters? Find out soon?